Episode 47: "What Are Some MORE Myths about Teen Dating Abuse?"
Episode 47: "What Are Some MORE Myths about Teen Dating Abuse?"
Today is Part 2 of answering questions from teens about myths and facts of teen dating abuse.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset, Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: What are some MORE myths about teen dating abuse?
Since February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we’ve been discussing information about teen dating violence that every teen and adult should know.
Last week we cleared up these myths:
1. Physical abuse is the only kind of abuse.
2. Teen dating abuse just isn’t serious.
If you missed these, don’t forget to go back later and listen to Episode 46!
On to Myth #3 - It’s easy to leave an abusive relationship.
It’s actually not easy for a teen or adult to leave, for many reasons. Sometimes they are scared or have been threatened or blackmailed. Maybe their partner has said, “if you leave, I’ll do something to hurt you, or myself, or someone else, or I’ll share these pictures of you with everyone.”
Some teens think they deserve to be treated with less than respect because of something else they’ve done in their lives. Some teens love their partners and hope that the relationship can get better, or that they can change their partner.
Change is possible, but it takes hard work from the person showing abusive behavior. They need to get to the root causes of the reasons they act this way, and commit to make changes to the way they behave. Even abusive relationships have good times, but you deserve to have a healthy, safe, and equal relationship ALL of the time. So these are just a few reasons why it’s not easy to leave an abusive relationship.
Myth #4 – Teen dating violence only happens to girls or women.
This is false. 1 in 3 teens experience dating abuse before high school graduation, and this includes all teens. Abuse happens to teens no matter their gender identity or sexual orientation, although we can’t ignore how serious violence is for those who identify as female. According to a 2006 study on Intimate Partner Violence from US Department of Justice, girls and young women age 16-24 experience the highest rates of violence from a partner. People in the LGBTQ+ community also experience high rates of dating violence. We will be talking about this more in a future episode.
Myth #5 – A victim or survivor of abuse must have done something to deserve it.
You might have heard the phrase, “it takes two to tango,” which hints that someone must have done something to deserve being treated poorly. Another common phrase, when it comes to sexual violence is, “if she’s wearing that, she’s asking for trouble.” This is called victim blaming, and it’s not okay. It’s also very clearly woven into our world, so listen out for these phrases and call them out. Family, friends, the media, TV, movies, and songs often say that someone deserves poor treatment.
Here are the facts: abuse is never the target’s fault. One person CHOOSES to use manipulative or unsafe behaviors to gain power and control over their partner, on purpose. There are situations where both people in a relationship abuse each other, but again, that is a choice that someone makes to treat another a certain way. No matter what happened in the past, everyone has a right to be safe in a relationship.
Now that we’ve answered a bunch of questions from teens related to myths, hopefully you have some new information to spread around. With your help, we can get more teens and adults informed about dating violence and the help that is available.
To talk to an expert, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.