Today, we’re answering questions from local teens about changing your mind in a relationship.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Am I leading my partner on if I change my mind?”
No. You have the right to change your mind when it comes to anything, whether it be deciding what you want for dinner or agreeing to sexual activity. At any point, you can decide that something is uncomfortable or that you don’t want to do something again. This is one part of an equal and healthy relationship. You and your partner both always have the power to change your mind.
For example, let’s say one day your partner compliments your body, and you liked it. The next day, your partner compliments a different part of your body, and you don’t like it. You tell your partner to stop, and they say, “What? Why don’t you like that? You liked what I said yesterday.”
Again, this could go for any kind of sexual activity, too. Just remember that you always have the right to change your mind. You also have the right to say “no” to anything in a relationship, whether it’s sexual or not. Some teens also ask us about being called a tease. In this case, you still have a right to change your mind and decide when you’re ready for anything sexual.
If your partner is whining, making you feel guilty, or pressuring you to do something that you’ve said “yes” to before, that’s a warning sign that this relationship isn’t healthy for you. It’s also a signal that this situation may happen again, once or many times, and it may not feel good now or later.
Remember that your partner is only one part of your life, and you always have to do what’s right for you, not what’s right for your partner. You get to decide, and that is powerful.
If your partner is pressuring you or forcing you to do something you did not consent to, that is not okay and could be a crime. It is not your fault, and help and hope are available. Join us next week to learn more about how to communicate your own boundaries.
If you want to speak with an expert about dating violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.