Today, we’re answering questions from local teens about password and phone privacy in a relationship.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “If they have nothing to hide, why won’t they share their password?”
When you’re in a relationship with someone, whether it’s casual or serious, privacy is an issue that will likely come up. This is a question that we get often from teens in our community.
If someone keeps their phone private, does that automatically mean they are talking about you behind your back? Doing something you wouldn’t like? Cheating on you? No, it doesn’t mean any of those things necessarily. Saying that someone has “nothing to hide” makes it seem like everyone should have open phones with their partners. And not everyone is comfortable with that.
Many teens tell us that there are things on their phones they don’t want anyone to see, including their dating partner. For example: private family or friend conversations, photos or memes that they’ve saved, social security numbers (if you’ve been applying for jobs or schools), debit or credit card information, and more.
In a healthy relationship, you can expect some privacy, and so can your partner. One way that it can work is to ask permission before using someone else’s phone or computer. Even if you know they’ll say yes, it gives them the option to say “no” and allows the trust to grow in the relationship. If someone says “no,” or “not right now,” that could be for any reason, and you must try and respect that, if you want to keep your relationship balanced and healthy.
Remember, if you don’t feel like you can trust your partner, you have the right to leave the relationship at any time. But people have a right to privacy and a right to feel safe in a relationship, and keeping their passwords and phones private is one way to do that.
To speak with an expert about dating violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.