Episode 62: "Does Abuse Happen in LGBTQ+ Relationships?"
Episode 62: "Does Abuse Happen in LGBTQ+ Relationships?"
Today, we’re answering a common question from local teens about abuse in LGBTQ relationships.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: "Does abuse happen in LGBTQ relationships?"
June is Pride Month, a celebration of the LGBTQ community. It also gives space to create more awareness about issues that affect this community differently, like domestic violence. By sharing this podcast with others, you can help spread important information and erase some of the myths out there.
There is a lot of misinformation about abuse in LGBTQ relationships. For example, one common myth is that abuse doesn’t happen in these relationships. Research shows that the LGBTQ community DOES experience domestic violence, at equal or higher rates than heterosexual people. According to the United States 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey:
· 35% of heterosexual women, 44% of lesbian women, and 61% of bisexual women experience rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetimes.
· And 26% of gay men, 29% of heterosexual men, and 37% of bisexual men experience rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetimes.
· So, while women generally experience more violence from a partner, bisexual men and women experience more violence than other people.
· Also, 47% or almost half of transgender people experience sexual assault in their lifetimes, according to the 2015 United States Transgender Survey. There is not much research right now about the effects of intimate partner violence on trans people in relationships, but it’s really important to know that trans people are at high risk for sexual assault.
So, you might wonder, why is the LGBTQ community in general at higher risk for abuse and violence? There is not one easy way answer to this, but here are a couple of thoughts. The community as a whole has struggled for a long time to gain acceptance and equality throughout the world. This can make people feel less powerful and can lead to someone to look for power in unhealthy ways. On the other hand, people might feel like they don’t deserve equal treatment in relationships because of the way they are being treated in society.
LGBTQ individuals may also experience specific fears and obstacles to seeking help that a partner can take advantage of and manipulate. Besides physical and sexual abuse, some specific ways that a LGBTQ person might experience abuse include:
· Threatening to “out” someone, or tell others about their identity, if they are not already “out” to friends, family, work, a faith community or group, or in public. Outing someone in general is very isolating and can threaten someone’s immediate safety, both physical and emotional.
· Also, a partner can pressure the other to come out when they’re not ready, pressure them to “stay in the closet,” or pressure them to keep their identity a secret.
· A partner might say the other person doesn’t really belong in the LGBTQ community because the way they act, dress, etc. doesn’t fit in, or that no one will love them or believe the abuse because of their identity.
· Someone might also emphasize that common myth from before, that we talked about, for example: “men can’t abuse men” or “women can’t abuse women.” Or that, in general, “abuse doesn’t happen in our relationships.”
· For trans or nonbinary people, a partner might purposefully use the wrong pronouns or call someone “it” to humiliate them. They might say that an identity isn’t “real” – like “you’re not a real man” or “you’re not a real woman” or “you can’t really be nonbinary.”
· And a partner might try to control someone by throwing away or hiding clothing or items that help the other person express their gender.
These are just a few examples – there are more.
LGBTQ people report experiencing unique roadblocks or barriers to getting help when they experience abuse from a partner.
· For example, some people might feel that they need to out themselves to get help, so they don’t reach out. They may feel like people won’t believe their reports of abuse.
· They may fear violence, homophobia or transphobia from law enforcement, the legal system, or service providers, including medical. This can make it difficult for someone to call for help or supportive listening, file a restraining order, or look for healthcare.
· Some domestic violence services, shelters, and service providers have “women” in their names, or only serve women. This can limit the services someone can access. Services that are gender neutral and/or specifically for LGBTQ people are increasing but there aren’t enough.
By talking about how this community experiences domestic violence, we can help all people to feel empowered to make their own decisions and look for safety.
To speak with an expert about dating violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.