Today, we’re answering a question from local teens about when a dating partner threatens to hurt others.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: "What can I do if my partner threatens to hurt my ex?"
Threatening to hurt someone is never okay, no matter who it is, or the reason. If your partner is threatening someone, that’s a huge warning sign that this relationship might not be safe for you, or your family, or your friends (or, your ex).
Even if you think your partner won’t act on the threat or that they’re just joking, you never know what will happen. You have the power to act in this situation. Reach out to a trusted adult immediately, or call 911 or another emergency response service if there’s immediate danger. Don’t wait, because everyone’s safety is the most important thing.
Here are some threats that teens and adults might hear from a partner:
· Like this question from a teen in our community, a partner might threaten someone’s ex. Maybe they accuse them of flirting or cheating.
· Someone might hear: threatening a family member or friend who is asking questions about the relationship, or doesn’t like the partner
· Threatening to hurt pets
· Threatening to hurt themselves or you, if you leave the relationship or do something they don’t want, which is a form of blackmail. This is a very common threat that we hear, especially from teens and young adults.
· Threatening suicide. This is one of the most common threats we hear from teens in abusive relationships
If your ex is using abusive behaviors, and your new partner wants to get back at them to protect you, this doesn’t help and could make the situation more dangerous. If your new partner really cares, they will be respectful and NOT violent, and support you in finding peace and healing from the abuse your ex is using.
Even if it sounds like a joke, take threats seriously. At this point, it’s a good idea to also check in with yourself. Are you feeling safe in this relationship? Can you create a safety plan, whether you’re staying in the relationship or leaving?
Safety is the number one concern. For supportive listening or safety planning, you can speak with one of our advocates, who are experts about dating violence.
Call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.