Episode 76: "How do I know I have a healthy friendship?"
Episode 76: "How do I know I have a healthy friendship?"
On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about what healthy friendships look like.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, How do I know I have a healthy friendship?”
Teens in our community say they want to have friends who respect, accept, and understand them.
In a healthy friendship (just like in a healthy romantic relationship), power is equal and shared. Think about a balance that you put weights on. If the relationship is equal, that means that each person is the same, or balanced. They feel heard and respected, and feel they can make decisions for themselves without fear or pushback from the other friend. Now, that doesn't mean that disagreements don't happen – but there are healthy ways to deal with disagreements.
If one friend is purposefully tipping the balance, and gaining power and control over the other friend, that is an abusive friendship. It can make the target feel unsafe over time and make it difficult to leave the friendship safely and without harm.
So, here’s a checklist to think about when it comes to a healthy friendship. Does your friend match up? And, if you were in your friend’s shoes, do you think you match up to these for them?
· You usually feel happy when you’re with your friend.
· Your friend respects your feelings and opinions, even if they don’t agree.
· Your friend is happy when good things happen to you.
· Your friend messages you and doesn’t expect an immediate answer. You feel free to answer when you can.
· You enjoy spending time with other friends when you’re not with this person.
· When you and your friend disagree, you can talk about it and can usually come to a fair compromise. Both friends feel pretty equal about this.
· When they make a mistake, your friend takes responsibility for their actions and doesn’t blame you or someone else for their own wrongdoing.
· Your friend doesn’t push your boundaries or force you to do anything you don’t want to do.
Here are some other signs of a healthy friendship:
Each person lifts the other one up (rather than putting them down) – even if someone jokingly make fun of their friend, this can hurt. Especially when those jokes pile up over time.
Friends ask permission to use each other’s technology and accept the fact the friendship is just one part of these people’s lives.
A good friend will check in and apologize if they hurt someone’s feelings.
Keep in mind that any friend who threatens, blackmails, makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable in some way is not encouraging an equal or balanced or healthy friendship. Seriously consider evaluating if this friend is worth keeping and reach out to a trusted adult to talk. Don’t forget that in an emergency, call 911 right away, if you’re in danger.
To speak with an expert about dating violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.