Ask Ava, Episode 90: "Does domestic violence stop over the holidays?"

Episode 90: "Does domestic violence stop over the holidays?"

Transcript

On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about domestic violence during the holidays.

This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services to survivors at no charge for over 40 years.  

Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, does domestic violence stop over the holidays?”

No, just because it’s a holiday doesn’t mean that domestic violence stops. In fact, violence may increase over the winter holiday season overall. While many incidents of domestic violence are unreported, and hotlines usually get less calls on the actual holidays themselves, our shelter and services in Somerset County, NJ are in high demand over the December winter holidays and in January, after the holidays. 

Domestic violence happens on all days throughout the year, whether the actions are physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, digital, or stalking. The winter holidays can create opportunities for abuse to get worse. 

The most important things to know are that:

1.     Domestic violence doesn’t stop over the holidays, and:

2.     Abuse is always the responsibility of the partner who uses it – it is not the target’s fault, or the family’s fault. We all have a choice over how we react to things and how we behave. So, what does this look like?

There are reasons that people who abuse might try to gain and keep power and control even more over the holidays. For example, if families celebrate the winter holidays, there might be extra family pressures to attend events. Adults might feel the financial pressure to buy gifts, pay for holiday meals, and more. Many couples are at home more or spending more time together over the holidays, which creates an opportunity for one partner to use abuse more. This includes for teens. They might also isolate the other partner from family or friends. 

Also, people may engage with substances like drugs and alcohol more during this time. While substances don’t cause abuse, they can make things worse. Substances can cloud people’s judgements, and people might become more aggressive when under the influence. Abuse is still their responsibility alone, because people can engage with substances and NOT hurt someone. Listen to Episode 78 for more info about how alcohol and drugs don’t cause abuse.

So if you, a family member, or friend is experiencing abuse or feeling unsafe around a partner, you are not alone and there is help and hope available. The holidays are not an excuse for abusive behavior even if they are stressful.

To speak with an expert about dating violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning. 

Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.