Episode 91: "Can someone consent if they are drunk?"
Episode 91: "Can someone consent if they are drunk?"
On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about consenting to sexual activity while under the influence.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services to survivors at no charge for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, “Can someone consent if they are drunk?”
Jess: Today we’re joined again by Safe+Sound Somerset trained volunteer, Ella Blank, who goes to the University of Maryland.
Ella: Hi! I’m Ella. So to answer today’s question, no, someone cannot consent to sexual activity if they are intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol. If anyone is engaging in sexual behavior it is important that both parties are fully able and willing to say yes, or give consent or permission.
Jess: Totally – and over the holidays, especially the winter holidays, we think it’s important to know this well, especially when people are likely to be drinking and celebrating. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and behavior – and many people who are under the influence choose not to hurt others. Some people choose to take advantage of others when they’re drunk. Sexual violence is not inevitable. It doesn’t HAVE to happen because people are drinking, and it’s totally preventable on the part of the person choosing abuse. It’s never the target’s fault.
Ella: Totally. A yes from someone who is incapable of giving consent is not considered consent! In addition to engaging with substances - if someone is being pressured or threatened, or not of the age to consent, they can’t consent. Also, if a person can’t fully understand what’s happening, whether that’s due to a disability or being asleep or unconscious, they can’t consent.
Jess: So sometimes people ask, “But, what if this person told me that they wanted to do this sexual activity before?” I think Ella, you have an awesome example to share about this.
Ella: Yeah. Just because someone consented to an activity at a different time does not mean that you have the green light to engage in those activities again. People are allowed to change their minds or not be in the mood. Even if you’ve had consensual sex in the past, you cannot assume that you have permission to engage in sexual acts again. Think about it this way, if someone wanted to play monopoly with you on Wednesday - even if they were begging to play - that does not mean you automatically get the board out Friday.
Jess: Totally. There’s an excellent example on YouTube, too, called “Tea Consent” – T-E-A- which shows the same thing, but with a cup of tea. If you offer someone tea and they have had it before but don’t want it right now, you probably wouldn’t force them to drink tea.
Ella: Exactly. I think it’s important to say too - some may argue that there is controversy behind drunk hookups and where the line stands between a “drunk hookup” and sexual assault, especially in college scenes, parties or at a bar. But legally, a person cannot consent while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Jess: Right. So, to wrap things up, let’s talk about the six things that everyone needs to know about consent. First, if someone isn’t sure or they don’t give an answer, it’s not consent. The rest is easy to remember because of the word FRIES.
F is for Freely given – They should not be pressured, guilted, manipulated, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol, like we’ve been talking about. They can’t necessarily understand everything that’s going on. If someone is passed out or unconscious, they can’t consent to anything, either.
R is for Reversible – anyone can change their mind at any time, and not be criticized for it
I is for Informed – they must be clear on what they are consenting to, and they’re not tricked or manipulated into any actions.
E is for Enthusiastic – it’s not consent if someone isn’t excited or enthusiastic. If you’re not clear if someone is enjoying themselves, stop and check-in.
And finally, S is for Specific – consent should be ONGOING, and obtained for each specific time, place and action.
Ella: If you are someone who has experience sexual assault, you are not alone and there is help,and hope is available.
To speak with an expert about dating violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.