On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about stalking in relationships.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services to survivors at no charge for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, What exactly does stalking look like?”
January is Stalking Awareness Month, so we wanted to spend some time looking at this behavior, and what to do if you or a friend is the target of stalking. Stalking can be a very scary, on-going action in an abusive relationship, or after the partners have broken up. As you may already know from TV, books, and movies, stalking can be both in-person and online, in casual or serious relationships.
It’s one of the many behaviors that can be considered abusive and intimidating. Besides making someone feel unsafe, it can also make them feel like they can’t set boundaries, make decisions for themselves, change their mind, or give consent or permission.
In the U.S., the Department of Justice describes stalking as “a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” Stalking can be charged in a court of law, and someone who is a target can request a restraining order, which is a legal document that protects you from the other person. We’ll talk about that at the end of this episode.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC, about 1 in 6 women and 1 in 17 men have experienced stalking in their lifetimes. We don’t have a lot of data for transgender and nonbinary folks yet in this realm yet, in terms of national data. But just like other forms of dating violence, stalking is about gaining and keeping power and control. One partner might stalk the other to intimidate, threaten or scare their partner.
- Stalking from a romantic partner can include many behaviors, like:
- Unwanted texts, calls, or messages on social media
- Showing up unasked and unwanted at school, home, extracurricular activities, the workplace, or a place like a friend’s house
- Following their partner or watching from a distance, which many people are familiar with from TV and videos, etc.
- Installing GPS tracking systems or video cameras without permission
- Threatening family, friends, or the partner themselves, and,
- Giving unwanted gifts
It is not your fault if your partner or ex-partner is stalking you. You might be scared, anxious, frustrated, or feel other emotions, and that’s totally valid.
RAINN, R-A-I-N-N, the National Sexual Assault Hotline, suggests that the first time a stalking behavior happens over technology, be clear that you want it to stop, and don’t respond further. Keep any evidence of any attempts that your partner makes to contact you, including screenshots. You can also create a record of when things happen whether it’s online or in person, and this can be very helpful. Try your best to stay away from the person stalking you. You might also choose to tell a trusted adult about what’s going on for some emotional support and safety.
Stalking is a crime, and there is help and hope available. So consider calling our hotline to speak with a Legal Advocate about restraining order options. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger or need a restraining order immediately. You need to be 18 or older or an emancipated minor to apply for a restraining order in New Jersey, though there are options for parents or guardians of minors or people with developmental disabilities who are survivors of sexual assault. There is help and hope available.
To speak with an expert about dating violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.
