Episode 97: "Does what I wear cause sexual violence?"
Episode 97: "Does what I wear cause sexual violence?"
On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about clothing and sexual violence.
This is Jessica Skultety, Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services to survivors at no charge for over 40 years.
J: Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, Does what I wear cause sexual violence?” And today we’re joined again by Safe+Sound Somerset college volunteer, Ella Blank, who goes to the University of Maryland.
E: Hi everyone. So, to answer the question in simple terms, no. What someone wears is never the cause of sexual violence. Although this thought is very common, it is also very false. And there are a lot of problems that come from individuals and society saying and believing this.
J: Definitely. Of course, I think the most harmful effect is on the victim or survivor themselves, right? It can destroy self-confidence rather than help create a positive self image that victims and survivors often need after experiencing violence. It also makes them less likely to look for help or services, report the crime, or to even tell someone else like a friend or family member, for emotional support. And when media like movies, tv, etc. and society also ask questions like, “Why were you wearing that?” it makes the environment difficult for all survivors.
E: Also, telling someone that what they wear is suggestive or that they are “asking for it” is a type of victim blaming. This is when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially responsible for the harm they experienced. Some other phrases you might hear are, “Why did you wear that?” “Why did you stay with them if you knew they were abusive?” or “Why did you go to that party?” All of these blame the victim.
J: This reminds me of situations when a kid is physically bullied at school, and people might say, “What did you do to make that person mad?” This is not okay. People choose to use violence against others. There is always a nonviolent choice of behavior. So, by blaming victims for sexual violence, we are taking the accountability away from people who use the violence.
E: Yeah, I’d actually like to talk more about schools. Schools enforce dress codes where typically it is inappropriate to wear skirts that show too much thigh or tanks tops that show too much shoulder. Early on in students’ lives, school becomes a place that says: dressing a certain way is distracting to others and can make your peers behave inappropriately. Personally, I remember feeling very embarrassed any time I got dress-coded in school and never understood why my male peers would get away with showing their shoulders, while I could not.
J: That’s really tough. And a lot of American school dress codes make young girls feel like they are responsible for the behavior of others. I totally agree.
E: Yeah. Getting back to sexual violence itself, saying “why did you wear that?” also promotes the rape culture that we currently live in. By this, I mean that we live in a society that makes sexual violence seem normal or bound to happen, and that assault and abuse really aren’t a big deal.
J: Totally. Wearing something that shows skin or is tight or a number of other things doesn’t mean that someone wants to engage in sexual activity with anyone, or that they deserve to be treated with any less respect. Catcalling, sexual harassment, unwanted touching, rape, and more forms of sexual assault should not be a punishment for dressing a certain way. People of all genders find clothes empowering and affirming, and they should be able to wear whatever they want!
E: I completely agree. Instead of spreading the idea that when someone dresses a certain way they are “distracting” or “asking for it”, let’s teach people to understand consent and respect, regardless of what a person is wearing. At the end of the day, it does not matter what you’re wearing, how old you are, where you are, if you are intoxicated, sober, in a relationship, etc.: the victim is never the cause of sexual violence. People choose to use violence against others.
J: Yes! Survivors of sexual violence need support, not blame. We can all take steps to make sure we believe survivors and show that in our actions and words.
To speak with an expert about dating or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.