Episode 103: "What can I do if my friend's partner is pressuring them to have sex?"
Episode 103: "What can I do if my friend's partner is pressuring them to have sex?"
On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about when their friends are pressured to have sex.
This is Jessica Skultety, Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services to survivors at no charge for over 40 years.
J: Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, What can I do if my friend’s partner is pressuring them to have sex?” And today we’re joined again by Safe+Sound Somerset college volunteer, Ella Blank, who goes to the University of Maryland.
E: Hi everyone! So, pressuring someone to have sex or engage in a sexual action is never okay, and this is actually a form of sexual harassment or abuse. Did you know that sexual harassment can even happen in relationships too? Because it definitely can!
J: Yup. If your friend is confiding in you and seems upset, frustrated, or anxious, there are several things you can say and do even when it’s a tricky situation.
E: First, make sure you are there to listen to how your friend is feeling and remind them they are NOT wrong if they are upset. Make sure to remind them that it’s okay if they don’t want to have sex or engage in sexual activity. It is not okay for someone to ignore your boundaries and they deserve to be treated with respect. It is not their fault if their partner ignores their boundaries.
J: Absolutely. You can also ask your friend: do you feel safe in this relationship? One of the things that promotes a healthy, equal relationship is the ability to consent – whether it’s for sexual actions or otherwise, like permission to use a phone.
No one should ever feel like they are forced to do something with a partner, or that they need to pay them back for something with sex. Both people need to consent or agree completely and freely to every sexual action, every time.
E: Exactly. If their partner is pressuring them, they are not able to freely give or take away consent. This is a form of coercion or manipulation. If someone decides to give in under threat or fear of their safety, that is not consensual sex.
Even if you’ve had sex before, pressure can still happen, whether that is emotional or physical pressure. People are allowed to change their minds at any time or even not be in the mood. And if your friend says they don’t feel safe, they have options.
J: Absolutely. Pressuring someone to engage in sexual actions is a form of sexual harassment. And if someone is forcing them into sexual action, that is sexual assault and it is never okay, either.
Whether your friend recently experienced sexual harassment or assault or it’s been some time, they can call or text Safe+Sound Somerset for supportive listening and free services, including counseling, and SART or our Sexual Assault Response Team.
Volunteer Confidential Sexual Violence Advocates, or CSVAs, help survivors with what they need after a sexual assault. While it takes a lot of strength and courage to reach out, a CSVA can provide support and information about victim’s rights under the law, be present during medical and law enforcement procedures, and refer your friend to other services.
E: As the supportive friend, you can also call or text Safe+Sound Somerset for advice in helping your friend. You are not alone and you’re doing important work.
To speak with an expert about dating or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.