On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about men being survivors of abuse.
This is Jessica Skultety, Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services at no charge to survivors for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, Do men get abused physically?”
Yes, men do experience physical and other forms of abuse. It’s more common than people tend to think. About 1 in 4 men in the United States will experience violence from an intimate partner in their lifetimes, and that includes rape, physical violence, and stalking. And according to the CDC, 56% or just over half of these 1 in 4 men experience intimate partner violence before they are 25 years old.
To compare, more women experience domestic violence (about 1 in 3) and 1 in 2 transgender and nonbinary people experience domestic violence. These stats are from the CDC and 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey. At Safe+Sound Somerset, we are a safe space for male survivors, and 12% of our clients were male in 2020.
We think it’s important to mention here that when it comes to domestic violence, a lot of people think of a heterosexual relationship between a man and a woman. But that is not always the case.
Men who identify as gay, bisexual, and transgender also experience violence from partners at high rates. Many times, people justify this violence by saying that these men are not “real” men, or that they are “lesser” men. Or, people say that abuse doesn’t happen in LGBTQ+ relationships, which is simply false.
Why is it hard for men to come forward as survivors of abuse? Many reasons – and some of it comes from aspects of masculinity that are toxic.
We’re not saying that masculinity is toxic, but that parts of it can be. This includes holding in feelings, showing physical dominance in all situations (or you’re not considered manly), and avoiding crying. Male survivors might not just want to reveal anything because they don’t want the shame or stigma associated with abuse or not being masculine enough.
Survivors of intimate partner violence, no matter the gender, are at high risk for depression, anxiety, PTSD, substance use, and suicidal ideation. We want all survivors, including men, to know that abuse is not your fault, and that there is help and hope available.
To speak with an expert about dating or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.