Indie discusses her journey of being diagnosed with a life threatening brain tumor and how this affected her approach to living.
Indie discusses her journey of being diagnosed with a life threatening brain tumor and how this affected her approach to living.
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Welcome to the second episode of coming clean with indie lee a podcast series about living with passion, acting with purpose and being fully present. I'm your host in Indie Lee. from the previous episode, I talked a little bit about mindfulness and how it might differ from living a life that was fully present. I also hinted how everything came into focus for me a little over 11 years ago, when the universe sent me a sign that changed the course of my life forever. In the summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, a generative autoimmune disease that attacks your joints. I was completely caught off guard by this. Nobody my family had rheumatoid arthritis or any autoimmune diseases to the best of my knowledge. I'd also quit my
A job in finance to get back to basics. I was helping to build and bring school gardens to life and teach the importance of stewardship of the earth to young adults. I built a 750 square foot greenhouse in my backyard with the chandelier. And I also put about a quarter of an acre under production. I was growing edible flowers, microgreens starter plants and bringing them to local farmers markets, restaurants as well as Whole Foods. So you can imagine my surprise when my dream of working the farm came to an abrupt end, when I was no longer able to work in the back farm or the greenhouse. So what's a type A personality to do? Well, fortunately, the universe steps in or I should say my sister steps in and announces that she's pregnant with my nephew max. I decided what better way to welcome my nephew in but to create products using the ingredients that I've been growing in my backyard and the greenhouse and decided I was going to unveil them at her baby shower. That's right, I made selves. I made a baby powder, I made a baby massage oil. And then I made little miniature ones to give as favors at the shower. Everybody raved. They said, Oh my gosh, indeed, this is what you should do, you should create a line of baby products. You have to remember this was 2008. The Clean and the green movement was barely getting started. And I said, I don't
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really think that's what I wanted to do. I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do. But once again, the universe steps in and decides to send me a much bigger sign. By October of 2008. I was noticing that my vision on my left eye was starting to decrease. By November 4, I went to my doctor and I said something's wrong. The peripheral vision was getting worse and I knew I need to get some tests on. He immediately sent me to an MRI and 45 minutes after the MRI he called and asked me to come in Of course, I said, Well tell me what it is I didn't want to get into the car, nor did I want to go onto Google and try to figure it out myself. And we know going on to Web MD is never a good idea. And he made me promise that I would come in if he gave me the news. Of course, I promised I would get in the car as soon as he told me what was going on. And that's when he told me I had a brain tumor. everybody always asks, What did I do in that moment? Who did I call and the truth is, I didn't call anybody. And I immediately got in the car and started to drive.
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And that's when the world changed for me. Don't get me wrong, the birth of my two children will still always be the highlight of my life. But my life took a completely different direction. On November 4 in 2008. You see, it was on that 15 minute drive to my doctor that everything became in complete focus or I like to say Technicolor is a beautiful fall day in New York. The leaves Were those vibrant yellows, reds, greens, oranges. And on that drive, everything can can completely defocus. It's like when you go to the optometrist, and they say, one or two or two or three. And finally the click happened, and my life changed. Up until that point, I was a check the boxer. Yep. I had planned my entire life. I plan that I was going to have two kids, a boy and a girl. Check check. I'd have two dogs yellow lab check, check. An incredible career. A wonderful house. Check, check, check, check, check. But you know what I forgot to live.
I had become a passenger in my own life. He forgot what it meant to live vibrantly. And I swore from that moment on, no matter how much time I had left. I would spend every day living what I now call the three He's with passion and on purpose and be fully present. I can't explain it. But I also knew in my heart of hearts deep in my soul, that this was happening for a reason. I didn't know the reason. But I knew if that I would sit back and allow it to unfold, something incredible would happen. So by the time I got to the doctor's office, I was in a completely different state of mind. And I simply said, Okay, what do we have? What do we need to do? And that's when he said he has no idea what it is. He does not believe it was cancer, and it wasn't, but I need to go see some heavy hitters in terms of specialists. So I consulted with Johns Hopkins, Duke, NIH, Sloan Kettering, and the majority of the doctor said, again, they weren't sure exactly what it was, and they didn't feel it was cancer. But the best thing I can do was get my affairs in order and spend as much time as my kids. And some said that I can have as little as six months to live up. Of course, I'm an optimist, if you couldn't tell by now, and I would say to each doctor, I don't think so. But thank you very much for your diagnosis. And I would go off to the next one. Between the first two specialists, I went to my neuro endocrinologist and asked, How is this possible? Nobody My family has anything like this. I don't understand. And that's when he said, we're seeing more and more of these things being tied to the environment. Of course, I turned and said, I don't know what you mean environment. I'm extremely healthy. I eat organic and have a greenhouse in my backyard. I'm in incredible shape. And he pointed out Yes, of course, those are all things that are part of your environment. And then he asked me my life changing question. What do you put on your skin and that folks was my awakening. And the truth is, I never really thought about what I was putting on my skin. And it's ironic because I had created a little miniature line for my nephew because I didn't want anything printed. harmfull going on his newborn touch, but didn't think about the larger picture. We know our skin is our largest organ. We also know ingredients can be absorbed transdermally take a look, we're using nicotine packages, estrogen patches. So why weren't we taking the same approach to be mindful of what we were putting on our skin, we were becoming more mindful about the ingredients we were putting in our body. But we need to focus and take a look at what we're also putting on our body. And it was in that moment in that doctor's office that I knew what my calling was, I knew that I would survive. And my mission was to create a line that was effective, that was safe, or really wanted to look chic on a shelf. More importantly, I want to spend the rest of my life empowering others to live the healthiest version of their life. And when faced with potentially only six months to live, you get to decide how you're going to live. At that point, my children were five and eight. And I made the decision that every moment that they were home from school I was going to be spending with them creating memories that could last the rest of their lifetime. And when they were in school, I was nose deep. In every book I can find on beauty and skincare. I was speaking with aroma therapist, dermatologist, homeopathic doctors, because I knew there was a different way to do this. And I was also consulting with every potential surgeon I could because I was going to find a doctor that was going to give me a different diagnosis and prognosis. Fortunately, I was able to find a doctor who did give me a different diagnosis and prognosis and was willing to do surgery, even though it had a less than 50% success rate. Of course, I said, sign me up, I'm dying. And he said, Okay, we're going to do it on April 22. So that was 2009. And for those of you who don't know what April 22, is, it's Earth Day. I mean, come If the universe is going to send me a sign on what my rebirth day is, which is going to also coincide with the beginning of my new life of starting a clean skincare line, if you better believe I'm believing that sign to be a positive one. I'm often asked, how was I between diagnosis on November 4, to through to surgery? And comment that, you know, it's easy to be uplifting right now when you know you're almost 12 years out. And honestly, I am. I know it sounds strange, but I was positive throughout the entire time. Yes, of course, I had a few dark days where, you know, the Why me the pity party is, you know, the whole thing. I think that's natural, but I also knew that staying positive was going to be the best recipe for my success. That's how I handled it personally. I'm an optimistic person. I'm also very spiritual and so I turned to him. My spiritual practice and optimism to get me through. I also had two young children, and I needed to be positive for them. I needed to show them that I was choosing joy during this difficult situation. I was honest with them, I needed them to understand what the risks were. But I also remained positive. Because I knew whatever time I had left, I wanted to enjoy every moment of them. And I think that is part of why my recovery went as smoothly as it did. I mean, don't laugh, but I went as far as naming my tumor. I felt calling it tumor was scary. So I decided to name it. Herman wasn't a name I was scared of. And I was affectionately referring to throughout the process. I created a blog so that my family can stay in touch with me because they were so kind and everybody came out of the Woodworks to, to really connect and at that moment, I want to spend as much time with my children as possible. I'm not necessarily on the phone with everybody. And so I created a blog that was called indie Lee. And the purpose was to keep my family and friends connected through the process. In fact, the beginning of those blog posts are still on our website to this day. So definitely check them out. My optimism and positive spirit absolutely come through and those blog posts. So back to the story. April 22, came and I went to the hospital. And I'll never forget, I was in the prep room and was waiting to be put on a gurney to be wheeled into the surgical suite and a nurse came to me and said, Come with me. I thought I was getting prepped. And I turned to my parents and I said, I'll see you in a few not realizing that the nurse was literally taking me into the surgical suite. So you can imagine my face when I'm following the nurse and opens up the door and there's the entire surgical theater, you know, complete With the window, the viewing area up top where the doctors are able to look down on the surgical procedure. And that's when I realized, okay, we're doing this now. And
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true to my optimistic self. I said, Okay, let's do this put on some kick ass music. Today's a phenomenal data live. I will lie. Some people in this suite turned around and looked at me and I was I asked, I was asked if I had been drinking or perhaps taking recreational drugs because they never really experienced anyone being that optimistic walking into surgery like that. And I assured them I said, No, no, no, I'm fine. I'm in a great place. Today is going to be an amazing day to live. Let's go. And I went under, you know, the CCS anesthesiologist asked me to count from 10 backwards and I like to say I got to to and without so many, many hours later When I was in neuro ICU recovery, I opened my eyes and I realized I was able to see completely out of both eyes. Now when I went to sleep, I definitely could not see a good portion out of my left eye. So imagine waking up to full vision. And so there I was, with all the leads, and my first words out of my mouth was, oh my gosh, I can see. quick side note, one of the best pieces of advice that I received before going into surgery was that my body would remember the emotion that I went into surgery with, so when I woke up, I would have that same emotion. So I went into surgery with confidence, and joy and happiness and positivity. And miraculously, it worked. Because when I woke up, and I said, Oh my gosh, I can see there was a smile on my face and an incredible sense of calmness. So back to the story. So I woke up a able to see at a both of my eyes completely. As I said, I announced, oh my goodness, I can see. And the nurse that was sitting right next to me said, Oh, you're awake, you're fine. Let me go get the doctors. And I'll never forget the entire surgical suite came in. And my major media thought was all of this. This didn't go as well as I thought, why are they all standing here at the bottom of my at the foot of my bed? And that's when my surgeon took my hands and said, you're done. And of course, I said to please elaborate because I really didn't understand what he meant. And he said, we got everything. Welcome to the rest of your life. And I haven't stopped since I can honestly say that I've kept true to the promise I made to myself on that drive to the doctors on November 4 2008. To live what ever time I had left on this earth with purpose and passion and to be fully present. Every moment it's with that drive that I created in delay skincare. I couldn't be more proud to see where the brand is now compared to when I started it in my kitchen. Yes in my kitchen and seeing it on the shelves of such prestigious retailers like the nordstroms the the Neiman Marcus is that alters the cream retailers like the credo is the fully is the ilias the detects marks at Citrix. I can go on and on and on. And it's been the most surreal and amazing journey. And the great part is it's just getting started. And in addition to bringing the products to life, you know, this was also meant to create change and to empower others and educate others to live the healthiest version of their life. And that's why I couldn't be more excited by this next step of bringing out our podcasts. You know what started as mindful Mondays on an Instagram TV is now becoming a podcast where we can bring other experts in and discuss what it means to live with presence, what it means to live on purpose and to be passionate. And, guys, I'm so excited to start this next part of the journey with you. I want to be honest with you, I don't want you to feel that by listening to this story, that I don't have bad days that I don't have downtimes etc. I do I'm human. I think for me the differences I'm, I can say that I'm grateful for them. I can't always say I'm grateful for them in the moment. But I do believe from chaos and conflict comes clarity. And so for me what that means is I'm I use those downtimes and difficulties as a learning experience for me to grow. I'm also incredibly grateful that I have the opportunity to experience them when you know 12 years ago. I don't know that I thought I was going to live a life where I would be able to experience anything or actually be alive. So I think it's that perspective that gives me this outlook on life.
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And my hope is that through this podcast, this outlook, this joy, this optimism will help inspire you to choose joy in difficult moments, to find the silver lining in challenges, to learn and grow from suck from our failures. I think that failures are an opportunity for us to grow. I think that by leaning into fear, we find love. And I'm hoping that this This podcast is going to help more people, you know, experience what I've experienced from this from this journey that I've been on. I also need to comment that none of this would have been possible without the incredible support system that I had in place and I continue to have in place with my friends, shout out to my best Dana, you truly who I will have on this podcast, but I know she got me through some of the darkest times. And we had fun in the process. And also my family who just rallied around me and continue to rally and cheer on from my successes, and what we're creating with the brand. And none of this, none of this would be possible without the incredible team. I could not be prouder of the team slash family that we have and continue to grow together to bring products to life, and more importantly, to empower others to live the healthiest version of their life through this platform that they are helping me to create. so mad, mad love to you all. And with that, I'm going to end Episode Two of coming clean with indie lay. I'm your host indie Lee. If you'd like You've heard so far please be sure to subscribe where you listen to your podcasts. Of course leave a review. If you have ideas for upcoming episodes or potentially people that you'd like to see as interview please please be sure to email me at coming clean at indie lead calm again, that's coming clean at indielee.com and I'll see you on the next episode.