Indie chats with the inspiring Alex Elle, author & wellness consultant, covering everything from nurturing our inner child to her new book After the Rain.
Links:
0:10
Welcome to come and clean with Indie Lee a podcast series about living with passion, acting with purpose and being fully present. I'm your host, Indie Lee. Hey guys, it's Indie. I am so excited for today's guest. I'll tell you that I left the recording so emotional, so full of light and I cannot wait for you guys to take a listen. Today's guest is none other than Alex Elle. Alex is an author, a wellness consultant, mother wife, powerful soul being I just I cannot wait for you to take a listen. Oh, and by the way, she also has this incredible podcast. Hey, girl, so take a listen. Today I am so excited. I've already introduced Pre introduced but I actually can't believe this is happening that I'm sitting down on FaceTime with Alex elle. I have been a fan of hers for so long. And she's really helped me reintroduce my journaling practice. She doesn't even know this because we've even pre talked about it. But Alex, what you don't know is as someone who used to journal for like a while ago, and I've read the book The artists way and did the morning journaling and all that, which I found to be very difficult for me like that was painful.
1:31
Morning pages are painful, but they are necessary, but they are painful. That is for sure.
1:36
You have taught me the importance of using like verbal prompts like guided journaling. So but I mean, you are so much more than someone who's an author. You're a podcast host, you're a visionary. You are really leading the conversation I feel in so many ways about learning about what your truths are and doing the work. So thank you so much for being on my little humble podcast today.
2:05
You are so welcome. Thank you for having me. And I told you this before, I've been a fan and customer of your skincare for years. So it's an honor to be sitting down and I'm so excited. Karma
2:23
happening. Good vibration. I
2:26
love it. I love it. So I thought something was not maybe not everybody, in terms of my listeners knows as much as the homework that I've done or has have been doing as someone who's been using your books, etc. But tell us, my listeners a little bit about yourself and how you got into this space, because I
2:44
know it's journey. It has been a journey. So my name is Alex L and then author, mother wife, and and i would say like, seven eight years ago, I started writing books and writing things. into my life by way of therapy. So it was definitely something that was an outlet for me as a young kid, I was pretty sad. Growing up, I struggled with depression, and anxiety and some suicidal ideation. So going to therapy was really the only way that I could bridge the gap between finding my voice and learning my truth. And my therapist, who I just adored so much gave me my journal in the emotional toolbox is what she called it, and it saved my life. And now I am here. So that's a little bit about me. And also, of course, I encourage other people and really take pride in leading folks to their voice through writing practice. So to hear you say that you've used my journals and you've read my books and all of that really amazing, supportive stuff. It truly is transformative every time I hear it, because when Never Alone in our struggles and to be able to put it down on the page, and then have this moment of connection, you know, just through writing and truth telling and story sharing. It really just changes my life. And it reminds me of why I do the work that I do.
4:16
I think it every time but right now in society with what everybody's going through with the pandemic, and which there's just so much fear, you know, and anxiety, yeah, financially, emotionally, health, all those things, and people just don't know where the next paychecks are going to go. come from and just basic needs, people are concerned about being met. And then to hit a point where finally we're having the conversation that is over 400 years do about lives mattering and having a voice and amplifying and equality I think now more than ever, people need to talk and do the inner inner work.
5:02
Agreed.
5:03
You are certainly somebody who is I think helping so many people get there and not be afraid. And what I love about you is your your, your honesty and your openness and you're willing to be vulnerable on so many subjects. Because I think so many people still there's still a stigma about mental health.
5:25
Yeah, I mean, I think it's important to be having these conversations. Tomorrow I turned 31. So I've been having like a very tender month, really. I think my birthday month is always super tender. But this week, especially I've been trying to find ways in my writing practice to show up in self celebration. And like find these moments of pause to really celebrate the things that I have. Not just accomplished but deserve to like take note of and I sent out a newsletter to my asking them to do the same thing and to find the many moments of celebration, especially during this time of social justice and COVID. And like being alone, and also trying to show up and especially for my black and brown folks like being in our bodies and learning how to come back home to ourselves after being, you know, just really triggered and traumatized on so many different levels. And I think celebration is also an act of resilience and revolution, especially of the self. So, you know, so many people are going through collective grief right now. And I think it's just as important for people to lean into the possibility of collective healing and that inner work that requires us to like really show up and be our fullest and true. So, in the work that we do, and in our communities.
6:58
I know You know what I do for a living? So you know, that's something that's very important to me. But I think what I love about what you're doing is it's different. It is he you know, the term is getting so overplayed self care.
7:13
Oh yeah, I try not to do that anymore.
7:16
Self nurturing, you know, I'm a self care company, but it's not just about what you're putting the goop you're putting on your body in your body, it's in your mind, in your soul, energetically, and as a result, it gets washed.
7:33
Yeah, and also to you know, because I feel you on the whole self carries like really trendy type of thing. I think a lot of people know my work, because I started talking about self care. Before it was really, you know, commercialized and stuff and for my own personal practice, not necessarily telling other people you're taking care of yourself, but just like me, as a black woman, as a mother as a wife, like I have to take care Me too. And what I've been, like really leaning into these days is self care as community care, specifically as a woman. So in order to take care of my community, I have to take care of myself, you can't order. Exactly, exactly. And in order to be my best, most intentional self, I have to take space to do that. So that I can be in my community so that I can be in parenthood so that I can be in my marriage in a way that is productive for everyone involved and for everyone I love and who loves me. So it's really self care, community care. And then if you look, if you look at on a further lens, like for folks who are out protesting and being on the front lines at hospitals and things like them taking care of themselves, is how they're able, even if it's little, little, five minute, one minute deep breath to recenter and getting back into their body type of things. If they're not taking care of themselves, it is going to be very hard for them to show up for the community. And I've talked to frontline workers, nurses, doctors, I've talked to people showing up at the protest, like, I and I remind them Don't forget to hydrate. Don't forget to eat. Don't forget to take some deep breaths. And really Yep, me too. I got my water here. And like, and like really get back into your body because in this world, with everything that's going on, we can be so removed from the body, like the soul can literally be removed from the body. So it's like remembering that you're human, remembering that you are worthy of your glass, remembering that you are a home to yourself is so so important. So I'm looking at self care as community care these days, especially with the work that I'm doing with teaching and facilitating other folks.
9:48
I, I, I think it's so important. I always say, you know, I can't be a good mom, wife, CEO, etc. If I don't take 20 minutes for myself and that's why meditation has been such an important part of my daily practice for so long and the concept of getting present, and I've been a practicing Buddhist for over 20 years. So that portion of my life is so important because I can't do for others if I don't do for myself, but what I find is, I'm the first person that I sacrifice in order to go into community for others. Well, I have to do this. I have to do this for that person. And it could be oftentimes it's interesting and thinking about this. It's a way for me to procrastinate to do my own work.
10:37
Yeah, because there's something lacking, right. Yeah.
10:41
But the first thing to go is usually self.
10:45
Yep. Yep. And it's, I love how you said, getting present versus being present. Because I think what struck me about that is sometimes we have to get back to being present. We can It always be by the word not always, you know? Yeah, yeah. I love that getting
11:06
that I cannot stay in that state. Right.
11:11
I wish we could Yeah,
11:12
I would have had no work to do if I did myself. But right that's just it and I think people think that you can just go like that snap your fingers and you're present and it is up for just like meditation. journaling. It is a practice, which means it is a it is a muscle that needs to be continually worked on. And there's no for me, there's no end point there isn't like, Okay, I got there and I'm done. It's I have to continually do it and work on it. And yeah, it's it's hard. It's it's really hard. And I think right now, like you're saying with community, I want to be there for so many helped my kids get through this portion of their life, which is, you know, gosh, homeschooling for a third grader. That was interesting that was worse than my college kid. He's got this my 17 year old fine. But but the third grader that you know, but it it was it's it's tough to be there for community right now especially when we're not allowed to actually commune.
12:17
Mm hm. Which is
12:19
why I think right now, so many people are leaning into this concept of how do I how do I take care of myself, I think it's very new for people. They say, Oh, I do self care, which means I take a nice long bath with you know, candles, and it's this indulgent moment,
12:35
right? Instead of just care should be daily, daily. intention, intentional daily practice, yeah, that creates a ritual in our lives. So I always say practice creates ritual. So it's like that is the goal with anything that we do is creating a ritual through the things that we practice. And it can be really hard. It's not this like a woowoo whimsical thing it is heart attack, it requires us to really lean in and get our stuff together. And it requires a lot of self awareness to to say, Hey, I'm really slipping right now how do I get back on the ball? How do I get back to myself and that is a part of the process. It's not that easy. You know, whoo whoo, super Zen thing. I mean, people think I'm like, very been walking around burning my herbs and pans all day and like, I'm like sometimes mama is it most of the time mama is in here. Get back to being present. So, you know, just humanizing the self care language to like, it's not just, it's not expensive. It doesn't have to be expensive. It can be accessible. I mean, writing a self care for me, you know, and washing my face is out there for me like having a moment of just like really allowing my husband to take over with the kids and give me my 20 minutes in the bathroom in the morning like, and allowing folks to help us and naming what we need to really, really major. So I mean, I could talk on and on about that, but that's how I did it.
14:18
And we say, when people ask me what I think my superpower is, or like, what if I had a superpower? And I said, I think the one for me that I'm not afraid to ask for help. That that is not a sign of weakness. That is, I truly believe that is a strength that you need to lean into and realize people want to feel worthy too. And by asking for help, you're bringing them into your community, you're in relationship with them, which provides a value for them as well. Yeah. And at the same time, you're saying I can't do it alone. I don't want to do it alone.
14:55
I don't want to do it alone. Especially for the people The quote unquote, like strong ones out there listening like I got it, I can do it. I don't need help, or better yet, I don't want help. It's like, but it's okay to want help. And it's okay to need help. And especially as women, it's okay to ask for help. And that doesn't make us weak. It doesn't make us unable to do X, Y or Z. It really is it as you mentioned, an active resilience and an active strength and, and boundary setting for ourselves. Like we can't do it all all the time, all day or we will be empty. And that goes back to what we were just talking about. So yeah, I'm right there with you.
15:38
Have you found that you especially during this time, right, you're finding you're saying no more?
15:45
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't you I would have if it wasn't you, I would have said no to this.
15:54
Okay, note to everybody listening. I just fell on the floor. Alex I was really, I don't really get nervous. Everybody knows I'm fine doing these things, but I was actually nervous today. dressed for this What am I gonna wear? And I'm on FaceTime it's
16:14
truly I have been saying no more because it feels like I have and I'm, I'm the queen of overextending if I am learning how to say no, and be okay and say no and mean it, you know, and also thankful Yes. Say yes. And mean it, you know, because I have a big issue with saying yes. And I'm also trying to do better at saying yes, more to as well as you know, saying no, just being honest in my answers, right. So I'm also notorious for saying yes when I don't want to do something and that is I have learned that that serves no one and it in it especially doesn't, you know, make my presence intense. You know, when I show up in a space that I, but I don't want to be in? So by just learning, you know, to be honest in, in my thing of Yes. And in my thing of note, it's,
17:10
it's, it's hard because you don't want to be difficult or seen as difficult and yet, it's not being difficult. It's honoring yourself so that when you do say, yes, you can show up the way you want to say, you want to show up. Right? And that's been a transformation for me. And it's something that I'll be quite honest, I'm still
17:31
with you. I'm getting better, but it's still like this inner struggle of should I say yes to this. So let me give you an example that happened yesterday. Perfect. So I was in, I'm in talks with this company about a partnership and they are amazing. And we've worked together so many times, and they're really you know, a great advocate of my work and the work that I'm doing in the world and this specific partnership is proving to be a little bit difficult. And I was telling my husband, I need to just tell them, here's what I have. And then if it's not okay with them, which is fine. But I'm going to have to, you know, politely decline because I just can't rewrite the thing. I can't reshoot the thing I'm and I don't want to and I don't have the time to. And I had that conversation with them yesterday. And I was very scared to do that, because I didn't want them to, you know, cancel me or think I was being difficult or what have you and I, I said, just, you know, here's my truth. And let's talk it out. And if we can work it out amazing. If we can't, it's no hard feelings. Just know that maybe next time will be a better opportunity. And it was so wonderful to hear their feedback. And, and, and they respected me, they respected my stance, they respected my choice. And if we need to part ways we will and it'll be fine and they'll think of me for the next thing and I was very But that wouldn't happen. So you know, just giving that opportunity for me to say, I know I said yes to this thing. And now the thing is, I wanted to do it, but now it's feeling a little bit off for me. And here's why. And just being honest, that I might have to say no, when the end was, it was a big milestone. And that's something that I'm celebrating this week is like being honest in the fact that things change and that's okay. if things change and if people are on the same energetic wavelength with like, the self awareness or self respect, and just the respect in general for people's, you know, choices. Things can go a lot smoother and be, you know, well received, even if there is disappointment, so making room for that. And, you know, if something didn't happen this week,
19:51
congratulations. That's amazing. I'm like, I literally wrote down the note of the time you said like, Okay, I gotta revisit this. Because I do it. I don't do it as much as I do. Who am I kidding? my team's like, Yeah, you do. Like, Oh, sure I can do that event, no problem. And I, I had it where a retailer said, Hey, can you do four events in a day? And I Wow, that's a lot of on time. You know, and it's like one of them was like, it was two hours and two hours, but it was four separate events. And I said, No, I can't. And they're like, well, I can't do it. I'm not going to be the best person. Like, you're not going to get a hold of me. I can't house I'm passable. Yeah. And I felt like I would let down the retailer and whatnot. But you know what, what I realized was, I'm gonna be the best person for that retailer. If I do that.
20:45
Yeah, yep. At the end, yeah. But at the end of it, it's hard.
20:50
It's hard and it's not for me FOMO because I'm okay with that. But it's more like I am I letting other people down, go down. It's my goal. about other people. And again, that's something that is perfect for a journal. Because when you write that out you realize it really it's really bad. That's what journaling has taught me is that it's always about me and might this internal conversation.
21:17
Yeah, yeah and figuring and figuring it out and what you'll be excited to hear is so my new book after the rain comes out in October, I pre ordered as you are. Thank you. And in in January. The partner journey is the partner the companion journal is coming out and it is stunning and it's a new you know, work of art. I mean, just to have it on the table. It's beautiful Chronicle did an amazing job but you'll have some new reflective time coming your
21:48
way. I can't wait. So I want to talk about after the rain and a little bit on the you know how as an author and everything, but it's interesting with you being on Mom, an author, a host, a creator, a coach for many. How do you find like, as you're saying people change, right? How do you find time? And what do you do? And I think a lot of listeners will, will understand this, to identify who Alex is, like, because you're constantly changing as your children get older, you're different to them. How do you handle that? Because that's a struggle for me is Who am I?
22:29
Hmm. That is such a good question. I've been toying with this this week as well, just because of the birthday coming up tomorrow and everything and it's like, today, I kind of feel in limbo and like giving myself the space to not really know who I am to me right now. And something that I'm doing more in my personal practice of taking care and self reflection. is grieving the gray areas of my life with a sense of curiosity instead of being scared by it, because this time last year, I would have been scared out of my mind to like feel like I didn't have an identity outside of career motherhood and Parenthood. Right now, especially in quarantine right now with a 10 month old and a two and a half year old and a 12 year old, they all are in very different stages of their human experience. And then still like having to make time for my husband and him having to make time for me. I mean, he's a very hands on Father, I work from home during the day. And sometimes we just miss each other. Like, we'll have a moment of like, I love you, I see you and then it's like, I'm in bed and he's downstairs. At the end of the night having kids time, you know what I mean? And it's just like, how do we find like reconnection? as individuals, right and right now I'm just reading that with, with curiosity. I've been poor. A lot of time into work I have very a very demanding schedule right now and deadlines to meet etc and it's just like maybe sometimes this is a part of it maybe there is grace to be had in the unknown. And in the, in the in the shift, like maybe I'm in a peak bloom right now and my rest and new identity will form when the will happen. So I'm just I'm just figuring things out and just giving myself permission to like not know what the hell like is
24:36
going on. Yeah,
24:37
and this is that this is certainly a time because that's just it like I I struggle like Who am I now? You know, when I think of, Okay, if there wasn't an indie lay or you know, what happens when you have investors? Who am I? Like, what is my identity and it's not tied to a label on a product. There's so much more to me, which is why I'm loving doing the podcasts and trying to More on the mindful Mondays and whatnot. It's all part of that, you know, how do you ident How do you continue to identify yourself? Like literally?
25:11
Yeah, like find it and I think that's it. Like, I think there's, there's something to be said about having to go look for it. Because that, to me, to your point is getting back to present. Yes. You know what I mean? It's like, getting back there. And I've had and I've had many moments in my life where I'm like, I don't know who I am.
25:32
Okay, it's not just me. That's okay. Everybody hear this? Alex Ellis says so it's okay, that we
25:39
like, I don't know who and, you know, I've, I have a, I have a complicated, you know, relationship with myself sometimes. Because Because of that, it's like, Okay, do I need to know who I am all the time to be who I am. And it's like, yes,
25:58
yes. That's you know, like, if I say Yeah, I am a leader within it, you know, which is always a weird thing for me to say, Okay, I'm authority or leader because then I'm like, Oh, wait, you know, that sounds like humble.
26:09
Our and,
26:11
and but I want to show up as someone who's a thought leader that show up as somebody who wants to talk about and question and help people lean into their fear and the vulnerability and all those things. But if I don't know who I am or I'm not like, How can I do that, like you can't teach what you don't know. And so it's an interesting time but I love that it's okay to not know. You don't have to have it all figured out.
26:38
Right ever. And I think that's what makes us students of life. And that's what makes us experts of ourselves is that we are constantly learning and shifting and evolving. And because of that, there is a lesson there there is something to be really learned and acknowledged and, you know, it's it's a slow It's just a flow. And that's something I've been I have a friend who says, Alex, just go with the flow, like, you know, you know who you are at your core. And right now if it feels like, you're a little bit detached from that, then just get curious about it and just flow with it. And that's what I've been doing, especially as a control freak. So I like to know, like, what I'm doing where I'm going, you know, and it being in that ambiguous. state can be kind of terrifying. But there's a lesson. Yeah, yeah. No.
27:34
Yeah. I love it. Yeah. So, okay, so you have a new book
27:38
coming up? I do, which we just said, which, can you share a little bit about it?
27:43
And I do want to talk a bit about it because I know I want everybody to buy it.
27:50
Yes, so my new book after the rain is a collection of essays that read Mike and capsulated memoirs and meditations and affirmations. So the longer pieces are broken up with the shorter digestible reflections and takeaways for the reader, and I am so very proud of this book. I am so very ready for October to get here so the world can have after the rain in their hands. And it really gives people an inside look on who I am and where I've come from. I started my story, you know, I was a teen mom, I was 18 when I had Charlie, and I had to make some really radical decisions to become the woman I am today. I also, you know, worked a nine to five for a very long time up to eight years Up, up until you've me eight years ago. So you know, me being in the work that I'm in and the growth that I've had is fairly new. Still. And I talked about it I talked about being an employee. I talked about my relations. With my mom, which has come a long way, but it's still very tender. I talked about my pathway to finding myself and my spiritual practice and finding my husband, the love of my life and our journey through, you know, having kids together, which was a challenge at one point and it was just, it's just a collection of my soul. And I think that somebody, I think a lot of people will get a little something from each essay and I'm just really really, really excited for people to get to know me on a deeper level and get to know my heart's work on a deeper level.
29:40
Are you nervous to be that vulnerable? in a in a cult like, like, Okay, well Here it is. Like your base. Yeah, here's my naked self.
29:52
Yeah, little especially around my relationship with my mom, because there was a lot of verbal and physical abuse happening when I was younger and I talked about that in the book, but I wanted to make sure that I was greeting my mom who she was been and who she is now from a lens of compassion. And seeing her as a woman and not just as a mother seeing her as an individual with their own struggles and challenges, and not just as my mother so I was really scared about I didn't write this book for a long time. You've me I didn't like this book for a long time because I was scared of you know, that asset because our store I think it's important like to know like and to say our stories aren't just our story. know everyone is intertwined in our story, right? So I was a little nervous about that, but me and my mom had a long talk. conversation about everything and I gave her the book, she got the very first advanced copy. And I bookmark the pages that were in reference to her. I read her a chapter and we had a two hour conversation, Woman to Woman about what we walked through. And it was transformative. And I think that this book is going to be transformative for a lot of people. Because each lesson in the book, yes, it is something that has happened to me or that I've walked through but in the same breath, it's, I wrap up each chapter with something that I've learned and the love that we can still hold on to even through adverse moments and pain, no matter what our past look like.
31:46
I cannot wait to I cannot wait to read that. But I remember you must have been an interview that I had read that you had done or something but you said part of for you and part of the healing that you had was breaking a cycle
32:01
of
32:02
Yeah, as a mom, and really coming into how you want it to be for you and for Charlie and for your kids going forward. So this must have been a revisiting of but also for you, I would imagine a celebration of to some extent, which is a very double edged sword because you've went through so much pain and have been clearly from what you're saying working so hard with your mother and and rebuilding and identifying, but then opening that up again.
32:35
It was tender. Yeah, it was it. It still is tender. But I have to say like, I'm just really proud of myself for being the mother that I am for being the black mother that I am. And for beating the societal odds, I mean, I was black, unwed, had a baby at 18 and I had to figure it out and I was either gonna, I was either going to figure it out or I was Going to be stuck in the same cycle. And I was committed to figuring it out. So I could give me and Charlie the life that I wanted to give her and, you know, my parents. I think Charlie was the bridge to us starting some sort of transformation. I mean, Charlie will be 13 in November. So it's been a long time coming, but I remember my mom saying, you know, I was like, 21 when she said this, and she said that Charlie felt like the glue. And that she was she that she was talking to Charlie was her do over. And when she first said that, I was like, very taken aback. I wasn't offended, but I was like, very taken aback. But we talked about this recently, actually, and like, I understand what she was saying, like she really messed up with me. She didn't want to mess up with her grandchild and my mom is the best grandmother to these girls ever. Like they love their Mimi and I see what she means by having a second chance to do right by a child,
34:16
which is such a beautiful thing that you are giving to her and allowing her to do that because not every person is going to be big enough to then say, I, I forgive or I I'm going to let that go so we can be in community and have a relationship moving forward together. And you did that for her for her for you for your daughter, for your daughters. That's incredible. And I think hearing you say this and try not to get emotional about it. I think it's going to be a gift for a lot of other people who have gone through this, both it in the eyes of who they see themselves as you but also those mothers out there who might have had that experience, and realize there's a way to go back and find a relationship that they didn't think that was possible again. Hmm. Yeah, I think so. I hope so. I hope so too. Because I think there's a lot of wounds out there. And I think you're going to be this incredible resource for people to start healing. So I hope so, thank you for what you're doing. For others on that. It's so hard to delve into some of the business stuffs, but so I don't even know that I want to because I think this is just such a beautiful thing. But I do want to talk I mean, listen to you're a black powerful woman, like your stand and you're not afraid to stand in your power and saying, This is what I'm overcoming and I had to do the work on myself and not allow other people to stop me or any of those things. I am strong, I am going to do what I want it like you just said, I am going to change this. I am going to be the mother, the individual that I want my daughter to see out in the world. Yeah. And I think that talks into the representation that right now we're in that place where finally we're seeing a conversation being have we're not there with representation yet.
36:27
We're not even getting there to be trying to get
36:31
at least some people are acknowledging the word
36:36
Yeah, there's the acknowledgement that it's been missing. Yeah.
36:40
And I think not only is it in the the, the, the journalism so I mean, I don't know what you might have faced in getting a book like this.
36:52
Had out put out into the world. I was really lucky. I had no issue.
36:56
That's incredible, because I know not everybody feels that. That's The case, but also the representation in terms of mental health. Like that's something that's very important to you in the marginalized community is having the conversation about mental health.
37:18
And it's interesting because so I first when I first started writing books, going on eight years ago now I was self published the first two. So I did it myself. And that was a really empowering thing for me because I went to school for English and PR, and I had no idea what I wanted to do and then I, and then I ended up in journalism, and then I ended up dropping out. So to be able to, I had people be like, here's what you're going to do what you're going to write books. You're a college dropout. You know, young mom, you're gonna you're not going to be anything. I remember people telling me that I remember people saying I would never find a man to love me. Because I have a kid i i've been literally people have tried to stop what I made for myself out of their own personal fears and rejections but I, it was really hard, you know to tackle that. But I made a name and a way for myself by deciding to do the thing anyway. And then I got picked up by a traditional publisher out for two projects. And that was okay, but I knew that I could, I could do more and then I got agented which changed the game. And now I'm with chronicle of course it's all a fast forward track. I was paid very well what I was worth for my two book deal. I
38:50
that is very important. No, very
38:53
important. Very important, especially being a black woman. Very, very, very important. And I am extremely proud of myself for not letting what other people said I couldn't do impact what I did do. And mental health has always played a role in my life. And in my life's work rather because I was such a devastatingly sad kid. And when my daughter was born, when she was when Charlie was born, I knew that I had to get my mind right, so that I could love her the way that I wanted to love her and love myself the way that I wanted to love her, you know, and so, I, I just figured out I mean, I have the language now as you know, a 31 year old woman, I have the language now to say I, I did my work, you know, to get to where I am, but I had to figure out how to do that. And there are so many people trying to figure out how to do their work and I think But that just starts with acknowledging that work has to be done. And then you peel back your Layers and figure out okay, how can I get support in doing this? Do I need a therapist? Do I need like, what what do I need? Who can I lean on? Do I need a mentor, you know, just all these different things. And I've been doing a lot of inner child work and like really nurturing young Alex and in my journal and just trying to like envision me like, cradling her and loving her and being the mentor for her that I wish she had. You know, I'm the first to say like, because I was so depressed and anxious, and also looking for love outside of myself. I ended up pregnant at 18 because I was looking for love outside of myself. Yep. And it was like, you know, a big awakening. For me to be thrusted into motherhood the way I was and I decide to be the best mother that I could be. I mean, I remember my mom, I was, I was breastfeeding at 18. I was baby wearing at 18. And I remember my mom saying, Who taught you this? And I just said, I, I don't know, this is just what I want to do. And like that being a moment, where it's like, no one taught me what I know. You are incredible. I just need you to know that. Thank you. Thank you, I have worked hard to be the woman I am. And the person I am and I just, you know, want to give other people hope see whether they were teen moms or not, whether they're, you know, black women or not. I just want to give people you know, the hope that whatever they're going through doesn't have to be where they say,
41:52
yeah, and they say like the graces in the work. We have to do the work and I think that's really important. For people to hear, this wasn't something that easily came. There wasn't a gift. You didn't close your eyes and then it happened. It was you created it and did the hard work to get there internally and externally.
42:13
And my grandmother says, My grandmother says that her prayers covered me. So I attribute her prayer. Just funny, like when every whenever people say that and she's around she's like, and, and I was over here, I was praying for her. I was praying for her. She's a woman of faith.
42:36
So you
42:39
are absolutely right. It was her doing the work and you're praying.
42:44
I love
42:45
my mother
42:46
would say I was worrying for you. The Jewish side.
And while she was doing that, I was worrying so I got
42:55
her
42:58
I love my math. So
43:02
I always ask people three questions. What are you currently passionate about?
43:10
I am currently passionate about facilitating other people in their soul work. So why I am so I started teaching workshops four years ago. And now I teach virtual courses. And I've taught this year, almost 2000 people since January. And it is the most fulfilling thing to to have a community where folks are showing up to do their work and they just need me to nudge them along. And I always tell them, I am not I don't have your answers. You do and because you do Because you're showing up here, I will do all that I can to support you in meaning deeper into your truth. So that is what I'm passionate about is building that community and building a collective of people who are opening their eyes who are waking up and who are deciding to be who they want to be in their life without shame, guilt or doubt.
44:30
Okay,
44:32
very powerful.
44:34
I'm like on the verge of emotion this entire time. What is giving you purpose so there's a difference
44:42
for people listening.
44:46
What is giving you purpose?
44:51
What is giving you purpose?
44:55
I think I've linked purpose to legacy. That's great. That's amazing because of and because of that, and I feel like it is my life's purpose to create something like these books, like these children, like the love in this house that's going to outlive me.
45:28
I love this. I just before I ask my last question, I just need to say this has been one of the greatest gifts that I've had in a very, very long time out. Thank you. Okay, so what are you doing in order to get present? Right now?
45:49
What am I doing in order to get private?
45:54
So lately, it's been painting. Oh, so I started watercolor abstract painting listen y'all, I am no painter, but it is. It is very fun to like throw colors on the on the canvas and be like listen, it's abstract, okay?
46:12
Nobody has to know what it is. Looks like a horse but to everybody else it looks something different.
46:18
Right? You don't see the mountains in the sunset.
46:22
No but it's been painting I've been getting present with painting and having my music on and just vibing out and it's been gardening so I have this little these little Earth they're called Earth boxes. I have them on our patio I love them. And our green peppers are growing and I tomatoes and our bazel and our sage and we have a bunch of stuff. I'm just literally I told them I'm a botanist now. So I went outside became my you know, I have
46:54
a greenhouse in my backyard. I did not I love 750 Square Foot Creek.
47:03
I before I started the
47:04
jury was a dream. It really was. And I A friend of mine after I left accounting and realized I wanted to get back to basics. A friend of mine was building school gardens and I was like, Well, you know, looking at ADHD and everything going on in society about around food and knowing that food heels, I want to be a part of that. And I said, let me run your nursery. Oh, he's had green thumbs toes knows the whole thing. And they said, We don't have one. I said, Not yet. I'll build it. So picture this one Tuesday. A tractor trailer shows up.
47:42
And the greenhouse is getting built.
47:43
My husband comes home he says I thought you wanted to build a like a little hoop thing. I yeah, that's what this is.
47:49
That's a
47:50
that's that's that's not that's a lot of stuff right there. And where are you going to put it we don't have flat land like that. I go, Oh, I forgot to mention the bulldozers coming
48:00
Oh, my Birdman
48:02
greenhouse. And that's what I was doing. So that was how this all started. So I'm with I that I haven't been able to be and it's not this really pretty sanctuary now. No, it's a it's a greenhouse. It is like, yeah, ugly, yes. And up until last year it had a chandelier in it, but it's not like it was still pretty
48:25
easy that way, right?
48:29
But that's where I go to get present is just just to watch like even when I see something just pop up and then watching it flourish.
48:37
It is wild, right? I okay, so a week ago, I planted some round squash seeds. And for some reason, two days later, they started to sprout and now they are abundant A week later and I'm just like, this is incredible and why I love it and I'm not one Normally has a green thumb. But this is proving you know that self doubt I have about myself wrong because I have peppers. I have onions, and I am so excited. Well, yeah, that's your presence you
49:11
will totally eat them because they were part of the process of growing them.
49:15
Yep. I was always trying to pull my peppers off too early. And I'm like, No, you have to wait. But yeah, that's how I'm getting crazy painting and gardening love it.
49:27
Well, I am going to make sure in all the show notes that how you can reach Alex there's going to be there but what is the best way for people to learn a little bit more about you?
49:36
Sure. So you can go to Alex l calm and learn about me there. There's also free writing practices on the website for you to lean into if you're curious about getting up close and personal with your truth through journaling. And then on Instagram, of course, you can find me at Alex underscore l e Ll E. And in your book lm, I always forget about Did you forget? I know I know I do her so wrong I'm sorry. And yes oh my podcasts the Hey girl podcast where I speak with women about their life's work and their self care practices and we share stories and it's really really amazing. So yeah, those are the places
50:21
and your book is coming in October October 13 after the rain is out to the world and please pre order because it is very important for authors to get pre orders so we are shooting for a high number for this pre orders move an amazing pre order campaign out that you can learn more about on my website as well. Amazing. Alex, you are a beautiful soul. You are truly one of those bright light gifts that the world is lucky to have in it. Thank you so much. For honestly gracing me with this time that I will forever hold in my heart. So thank you.
51:08
Thank you and thank you for keeping my skin glowing. Well
51:14
I appreciate you.
51:16
I hope this podcast has inspired you to check out more work by Alex L. As always, if you like what you hear, leave us a review and give us a thumbs up and subscribe to our podcast. And as always, if you have ideas for future episodes or guests, you'd love to hear me interview. Please please email me at coming clean at indie li.com
Transcribed by https://otter.ai