73: Letting Go Of Your Childless Identity is Crucial for Embracing Your Future

If you're a woman without kids, you are likely keenly aware of some of the judgments out in the media and in the world about childfree women being selfish, lonely and unable to truly know unconditional love. 

But as a woman who didn't make that choice, what are your feelings toward those who did?  What I discovered deep within myself, was some judgment.  And it was keeping me from fully embracing a happy future without children.

Listen to this episode to find out:

• Whether you're also judging childfree women
• What happens when you let go of your identity as a childless woman who wanted kids
• The first two steps to embracing your future

Key Links from this episode:

5 Secrets to Embracing Your ChildFREE Life:
sherijohnson.ca/secrets

Follow Sheri on Instagram: @sherijohnsoncoaching

Where to find Sheri:
Instagram: @sherijohnsoncoaching
Website: sherijohnson.ca

Transcript

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Sheri Johnson 0:02

Hi , I'm Sherri Johnson and you are about to discover how to embrace your life as a childless woman who wanted to have a family and never could . This is where we combine mindset shifting tools with practical tips so you can break free of outdated societal norms that condition us all to believe that women without kids just don't measure up to the moms . It's where we take action on processing grief and accelerating the healing journey so you can feel free . When childless women awaken their self-worth , they transform from hopeless and inadequate to worthy , accepting and purposeful . Think of this podcast as your weekly dose of light bulb moments that will shift your perspective as a childless woman about yourself , about your any power to change yourself , your future and maybe even the world we live in . If that's what you want , then keep on listening . Hello and welcome to the Awakening Worth podcast . I am so glad that you're here Today . I want to chat about how to befriend your inner child-free woman without judgment .

Sheri Johnson 1:11

There was a moment

The revelation Sheri had about childless versus childfree

Sheri Johnson 1:13

not that long ago for me where I realized that so there's this language within the Women Without Kids Society there's childless and there's child-free , and it's like there's this binary between the two . There's involuntary childlessness , and then there's the women who made the choice , who are child-free and , by the way , it's not quite as black and white as that but what I realized was that , as someone who didn't necessarily choose it , I was judging the women who chose it . I had this deep down feeling that I wasn't one of them and I didn't want to be perceived as one of them , as someone who maybe didn't like kids or someone who was selfish or someone who was . All the things that we hear society and media say about women who choose not to have children and that judgment in my mind was really keeping me from fully embracing my own child-free life . It was keeping a hold on my future . I couldn't fully live into my future when I held that judgment and that belief about child-free women , and I didn't even know it was hiding in there . So I'm going to help you to unpack this today and really befriend that inner child-free woman , because this is partly it's definitely going to keep you from embracing your future . It's not the only thing , but it is partly what is keeping you from embracing your future . So if that's you keep on listening , okay , what you're going to learn today is how to let go of that judgment of women who choose to be child-free and because really that's what you are going to become when you fully embrace your future as a woman without kids .

Sheri Johnson 3:24

So what I want to talk about first is the mistakes that childless women make .

The mistakes that childless women make

Sheri Johnson 3:30

So number one they hold on to their identity as a woman who wanted children , and what this does is it keeps you in the past , it keeps you in grief and it also kind of co-ops you into motherhood . If you can stay back there and identify yourself as I'm trying to have kids or I'm a woman who wanted to have kids , that allows you to kind of co-opt yourself into motherhood . You can still identify with them in some way and it's letting go of that identity and embracing the child-free one that is really going to help you to lean into your future . The other way that you might be able to know that you're holding on to this or that you are judging child-free women is that you make sure that others know that you wanted children . So if someone asks you do you have kids , you say something like no , unfortunately , I don't . So you might add that little unfortunately , so that people know that you wanted it and what this is saying is that you're concerned about what others think you don't want them to think that you chose to be a child-free woman .

Sheri Johnson 4:47

The next mistake is that women judge child-free women . So this is where I was at . It wasn't that long ago that I was on the path to becoming a mom , and maybe this is where you're at as well . It wasn't that long ago and many women who want to become moms do judge women who don't want kids Just because you suddenly realize maybe it wasn't so sudden , but in the last however many months or years , you've realized that I'm not gonna have kids . That does not automatically flip you to someone who is okay with that and someone who maybe doesn't judge the women who made that choice and the reason this is really important . There's no judgment from me for you and your judgment if this is the way you're thinking . So I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with this . This is the society that we live in . There's a whole bunch of reasons why we judge child-free women that I'm gonna get into on another episode .

Sheri Johnson 5:50

But if you don't allow yourself to sort of shift this belief or to shift that judgment , then you're going to run into issues of not being able to embrace your future . So how you perceive child-free women is how you think you'll be perceived if you become that . I want that to sink

How you perceive childfree women is how you believe you'll be perceived

Sheri Johnson 6:11

in . I'm gonna say it again how you perceive child-free women meaning the women who made a choice is how you believe you'll be perceived if you become child-free . So if you really want to live into your future , your future of freedom and beauty and joy and excitement , if you actually want that , you cannot be afraid of how you're going to be perceived if you live that way . So some of those judgments are you know there must be something wrong with them .

Sheri Johnson 6:44

If they don't want kids , how can you not want kids ? And as women who really , really , really want kids , you may have that hiding inside of you somewhere that there must be . There's something off about that . What's wrong with them ? How can they not want kids ? You may also have this idea that women who don't want kids are selfish . They can't understand true , unconditional love , and so this is why you fear you won't ever understand unconditional love . You will , of course , but if you have grown up with this idea and live the majority of your adult life thinking that women who don't want kids are selfish , then how are you going to become one ? And if you really allow yourself to tap into how you feel about child-free women ? Really tap into this and see what is the reaction deep inside when you see , for example , a child-free woman on IG , on Instagram or on TikTok talking about how great their life is . What is your reaction to that ? What is the where's the judgment ? Where are your previously held beliefs about those women ? And then the last mistake , this sort of tags onto the last one , you might be avoiding anything that has to do with being child-free by choice . So it might mean books or movies , instagram accounts , tiktok accounts , any of those things that really will remind you that there are those women out there who have chosen this lifestyle .

Sheri Johnson 8:15

Interestingly , many of the feelings of inadequacy that we feel as childless women actually plague the child free by choice women as well . They're subject to the same judgments , the same pronatalist pro-birth views and discriminations , and even some of the grief , as we are . And I'm finding , as I begin to dig into the books , the documentaries , the Instagram accounts of women who , written by women , created by women who are child-free by choice , I'm finding that we're actually not that dissimilar that they even do feel some grief . I'm gonna also talk about that in a later episode . So stay tuned .

Sheri Johnson 9:02

So what happens when these mistakes are fixed ? This is part of the third pillar of my childless freedom framework . That's my breakthrough formula for navigating grief and embracing your childless , your child-free , even future . So when those mistakes are fixed , they're able to become child-free . They begin to evaluate their true desires and how they want their life to look . If you're still lamenting and wanting to remain in that , like I'm , someone who wants to be a mother , then you can't do that . You can't evaluate what you want for your life . You can't even look forward . You stay in the past . And what happens when the mistakes are fixed ? Women start enjoying the present . They find gratitude for the way that things have turned out , and they also are able to make peace with their path and look forward to the future with excitement and joy and anticipation . So if you are someone who wants some of those things to look to your future with excitement and joy and to enjoy and feel gratitude for being in the present , even have gratitude for the way that things have turned out , and that's entirely possible as well then let's jump to the next step .

Sheri Johnson 10:21

So I'm gonna teach you what to do . I'm gonna give you the first two steps . There are so many more . In the interest of time , I wanna just focus in on the first couple . So the first thing that you're gonna do is observe , always observe , witness , witness yourself , see if you can sort of almost step out of your body and look at yourself from the outside . Did you identify with one of the mistakes ? Are you avoiding books about child-free women , saying , oh , that's not me , so that's not gonna apply as an example ? So witness , where are you falling into these traps ? Where are you making these mistakes that are keeping you from embracing the child-free woman inside of you ?

Sheri Johnson 11:09

Number two I want you to tap into how you really feel about child-free women . This is women who have made the choice , and maybe even openly made the choice . So , as I said before , it's not as black and white . There's quite often a very gray area where women are sort of ambiguous and it just gets to be too late , or they're not sure , or maybe they do want them , but they're not the person who was the little girl who knew always that she wanted to be a mom . So there's a spectrum , but for the purposes of today , let's just assume that there's a binary , that there's women who made the choice and there's women who did not .

Sheri Johnson 11:49

When you see a child-free woman who made that choice , what do you say to yourself about her ? What do you feel when you see her on TikTok ? How do you feel when others chastise her ? Do you take their side or do you defend her ? What are the things that come up for you ?

Sheri Johnson 12:09

And the third thing I'm gonna invite you to get your journal out , which is something that is a huge part of my practice , my programs , everything . It can provide so much insight into what's going on inside your head . Answer these questions . How would you describe child-free women ? Where did these beliefs come from ? What do you believe about child-free women ? Where do those beliefs come from ? When do you remember first having these beliefs , you know ? Did they arise as an adult ? Did they maybe even start when you were a child ? And were there adults in your life , or maybe in your parents' life parents' , friends or acquaintances who didn't have kids ? What was your impression of them as a kid ? What do you remember your parents saying about them ? So those are some journal questions or prompts that might help you to uncover what you're feeling about child-free women .

Sheri Johnson 13:11

And now that you know what your perceptions of child-free women are and you know that they might be an obstacle to you embracing your own future . You know what the mistakes are and , hopefully , identified if you're making any of those . You also know that you have a couple of steps to get you started on the path to embracing your future . You now have a couple of choices . You can stay in your grief and your feelings of inadequacy or you can take some action to shift your mindset , to shift those beliefs , maybe .

5 Secrets to Embracing a Child-Free Life

Sheri Johnson 13:49

So if you're an action taker and you're ready for some more guidance on how to embrace your child-free life , download my free PDF . It's called Five Secrets to Embracing your Child-Free Life Today and you can find that at SherryJohnsonca slash secrets and I will link that up in the show notes . Once again , it's Sherry Johnson . Sherry just has one R , so R in an I S-A-G-R-I SherryJohnsonca slash secrets slash . And once again I'll link that up in the show notes . I hope that you will grab that . Those are the first few steps to really leaning into that child-free life . If you found some value in this episode , I would love it and be so grateful if you would leave me a rating or a review and or follow me , whatever platform you're listening on , and come back for the next episode . See you then .