Ben's Journey From Selective Mutism To Bold Faith And Service

We share Ben’s journey from selective mutism and to bold faith, deep community, and a calling that blends real estate with ministry. The conversation gets practical on reframing blessing, building godly friendships, and taking back attention from screens.

• Life update on real estate plans in Northwest Arkansas
• Outdoor passions as joy and renewal
• College community that lasts beyond campus
• Summer camp lessons in communication and grit
• NorthStar teachers meeting students where they are
• Bridging cultural divides with humility and truth
• Blessing as equipment for God’s purposes
• Screen time pitfalls and simple habits that help

Transcript

Warm Welcome And Big Tease

Stephanie Shafer 0:02

Hi, this is Stephanie Shafer, and you're listening to the NorthStar Narrative, a podcast from NorthStar Academy. I want to thank you for joining us. I hope you're encouraged, challenged, and motivated by what you learned today. Enjoy the story. Hey everybody, thanks for joining us on this episode. You know, I get really excited when I get to talk to alumni, and we have another one here with us today, Ben Cornelius. And let me just tell you, you better put your seatbelt on. You are going to be blown away by this guy's story. It is incredible how God has worked and how he has used him and drawn him into all the goodness of God. And I just can't wait for you to hear his story. So wherever you are, whatever you're doing, put it down and listen because you're about to get some real connection with Ben and Jesus and how he wants to know all of us and use us. So wherever you are right now, he wants to know you and he wants to take you deeper. And Ben is gonna encourage you in that. So thank you, Ben, so much for joining me today to tell your story.

Ben Cornelius 1:13

Thank you for having me. This is awesome. Very excited.

Ben’s Life Update And Real Estate Path

Stephanie Shafer 1:16

It's gonna be so awesome. All right, a little bit about Ben. He came to NorthStar in 2018 when he was in eighth grade and then graduated in 2023. He is joining us on our first ever NSA alumni advisory council. So I've connected with him on that, and then I've been wanting to get him on the podcast for a long time to tell his story, what it was like at NorthStar and then beyond. And so, Ben, why don't you tell us a little bit what's going on right now in your life? Because I know you've got some exciting things.

Ben Cornelius 1:52

Yes, yes. Um, right now, I think, well, I went to uh John Brown University for two years and then I eventually dropped out um to come over here at Springdale, Arkansas, and work as a real estate agent. So I just moved in here into a new apartment about a month ago, and I'm going to be taking the real estate exam, uh, retaking it actually, um later today, actually. And so um, if everything goes well, God willing, I'll have my license and I'll be working as a real estate agent in the Northwest Arkansas region, which is a very exciting area to be in.

Stephanie Shafer 2:25

It is. There's so much hiking and beauty, and I know you love to be outdoors. So, what's your favorite thing um to do outdoors?

Ben Cornelius 2:33

My word. I've I've actually just gotten into biking a little bit more. Um I've always loved biking, but in Arkansas, they can just have the best trails and the best area, like everybody's doing it. Um, kind of driving in Arkansas is a little bit different. You have to be more conscious on the road. I remember when I first uh came to Arkansas for college, and like two days in, I almost hit somebody who was biking because I wasn't I wasn't used to it. So you have to be really careful there. But um, no, I love to bike and hiking as well. Um, trails, anything that's out in God's creation is just it's so great.

Stephanie Shafer 3:05

Yeah. Okay, what kind of bike do you have?

Ben Cornelius 3:08

Um, it's just a mountain bike. I don't know the brand, but it works for me.

Stephanie Shafer 3:13

Um, yeah, so exciting. I'm a little bit scared of uh mountain biking, but I've I've watched people um do it on trails, and I know it's exciting. So uh yeah, tell us a little bit about after you graduated.

Biking, Arkansas Trails, And Outdoors

College Community And Camp Lessons

Ben Cornelius 3:27

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, after NorthStar, I the college search was really, really um drawn out for me. I I didn't know where I was gonna go until last minute, but um, it was very important to me that I found one that had community that could like come alongside you and you could actually find good friends, meaningful friends, because it's anybody can say they have friends, but to find those that you can like truly be honest with and share special moments in your life, you need to find a community that's willing to do that. So that was big. Um and I think I found that. And so for two years, I mean, I'm still even after I no longer go to John Brown University, which is where I went, I still have those friendships with me. And so I think that is a good sign of a good, uh, healthy, thriving community, is if you can carry those friendships even when you leave the area. Um, so that was really special. Um, took me a while to find the right one, landed on it, started in business. Um, and then I also added a biblical studies minor. Um, and I got to take some cool biblical classes before I left. And so that was really exciting. Um, and so yeah, I just that was most of my life. Um, I also worked at a summer camp in this, like for two summers, this summer included. And oh my word, you learn a lot about yourself, especially a lot about yourself in stressful situations if you work at a summer camp. And um, that was another, I think, crucial moment of my life recently is working at those summer camps because or at that one summer camp is because I learned how to communicate effectively because you kind of learn how to um you learn how to communicate with everyone through the kids that you're working with. Um, because you have to deal with people. Um these kids are anywhere from six to you know 17. And so you're dealing with them in all sorts of situations, and it's so rewarding, and you learn how to just do that effectively through spending a whole summer, you know, trying to trying to corral these group of kids. So yeah, it's it was it was very exciting.

Stephanie Shafer 5:30

That's awesome. Yeah. Um love, love, love that. What else? What's something you learned about yourself at camp that really surprised you?

Ben Cornelius 5:41

Oh that I like that question. I've always said like you learn you learn about yourself through the through the kids that you work with. And I think I goodness, that's I love that. It's I I learned how I react when I'm at my most burnt out. Um I at summer camp, you know, where I worked, it was like you were spending your all waking hours, like you were up until, you know, maybe 10, 11 p.m. and you're waking up at like six in the morning or seven in the morning, and that's on a lucky day, you know. And so it's just there's always something new. And I think I I learned how to navigate and balance my life and also my faith in an area where there's not a lot of Christians at all there. Um, that was really challenging for me. It's like I I didn't have a whole lot of people to talk to about that very important part of my life, with my life purpose, my faith. And so um, that was very challenging. Um, I definitely uh developed in my, I guess, my view of God and seeing him work through me and through the very few people around me who were um willing to have those conversations. And so yeah, I think I think I just learned how to navigate faith in a very difficult time. And it it really is to just cling to the few that you do know. Uh you have to have community. It's like if you want a reason to go to a church, go to a summer camp where there's no one, where there's no one else who's Christian, and you will you will figure out very quickly that you need uh good, godly people in your life to help you to help you navigate that.

Stephanie Shafer 7:20

Wow, that's incredible. Yeah, it's cool that God gave you that opportunity, put that in your heart. Um, so I love it. You have lots of passion. Passion for business. I learned something new when you filled out the podcast survey, youth ministry, um, you know, different things God's stirring up in your heart. Uh what else? Tell us a little bit more about that, like how He's not only showing you stuff through summer camp, developing you, but yeah, just that you have so much opportunity before you.

Ben Cornelius 7:51

Yeah, I I think something that I've seen in myself a lot lately is uh one of the reasons I wanted to do real estate is because I knew that I could, it's a successful area to be in. Like I'm able to make enough money to eventually support a family and achieve the things that I want to do in the life I want to lead. But the reason that I chose that is because I'm I I I love people. Like I always want to try to help them if I can. And that's something that those in my life, like whether it's my church back at home or my church here at my new home now, have always told me is that like youth ministry is something that they've seen in me. And so it's really weird because it's not something that I would have necessarily come to that conclusion on my own. But um, I did have like the pastor at my church and the youth pastor at my church, they they all told me like, hey, you should you should look into this at some point. And um, having that encouragement um has kind of given me the confidence to say that you know what, at some point in my life, whether it's soon or whether it's down the road when I gain a little bit or a lot a bit more wisdom, then I can pursue that. I can pursue that as something uh because I don't necessarily want to do it as like uh I'm getting money for it because that's never the idea. But um I I do want to I do want to provide and help in any way I can. And I think whether that's through my church serving that way or or its full-time position, I don't know yet. Yeah.

Burnout, Faith In Dry Places, And Community

Stephanie Shafer 9:15

Wow. You're uh a life I want to follow and see what God does because it's definitely exciting. And I think one of the reasons is um what you put on the survey as well, um, that you're all in. You're just all in. All into whatever God has for you. Walk in that path. And so you remind me of my favorite verses, Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. Just trusting in the Lord with all your heart, not leaning your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledging him, he's gonna make your path straight. So I just see him kind of making a little bit of crooked path early on, you know, so much straighter, but not boring, exciting, like the hikes, like the uh mountain biking, you know, on the trails and just um yeah, taking you in in new and fun directions. So, okay, let's go back a little bit because I want everybody to hear your story, um, pre-NortNorthStar how you got to NorthStar, um and the exciting things God did at NorthStar. And there there were other things going on through your church and things, um, but how that he used those to connect and really draw you to himself.

Business, Calling, And Youth Ministry Nudge

Ben Cornelius 10:25

Yeah, yeah. Um, I kind of growing up, I I grew up in like kind of the same church. I I grew up with like this. Um, I guess it could be called like a mental, some sort of mental challenge. It's called selective mutism. And that was uh basically the the best way I can describe it to people who don't understand is that I got the same feeling that people get when they get stage fright. Like they go up on a stage and they can't talk because it's like this big crowd and they like they physically can't get the words out. That was what I felt, but on like a one-on-one basis, like literally anyone. So I, until I was literally about 14 or 15 years old, the only people in my life that I would verbally talk to would be my parents and like two or three friends and a couple different family members, not all of them. It was it was very random. I don't know why it was that way, but it was. And yeah, so it's very anxiety driven. And uh growing up with that in the church, I never really made connections with people like at all. And so, you know, you can imagine as somebody like I I kind of resented, I think I resented God for that a little bit, and I also resented myself, and those two things kind of go hand in hand. Usually I find that resentment for God and resentment for yourself are are often connected, and I at least in my life. And so I did that. And then at about I want to say like 11 or 12 years old, when my parents had divorced, I remember like basically praying, like, God, if you're real, you're not gonna let this happen. Like, obviously, this is my this is my conviction. And um, so I just I prayed that prayer, and they did get divorced, and then later down the line, through that, my dad ended up helping me find a different church. And this was kind of happening as I was getting over closer to 14 or 15 years old, getting over this selective mutism and really trying to improve. And I thought, well, the way I can do this is I can get plugged into a different community that doesn't know me as the kid who doesn't talk. This is gonna be my outlet. I can finally do it. And if it's through a church youth group, sure, I don't care. I'm not a Christian, but sure, I'll do it. And so, you know, my dad really helped me in that, and he got me plugged into a youth group in California where we were for three months every year in the winter. And I did start talking, um, and I did start making friends, and I found out that okay, people actually want to talk to me when I talk to them. It's crazy how that works. And um, and so that shifted everything for me. But I still wasn't Christian, um, but that shifted everything for me. And then kind of as I went back home to Oklahoma, um, same thing, found a different church for me to go to. And that uh that was pivotal because that was like my church home. Because you can imagine for nine months, right? That's you you really get grounded. And um, yeah, it was it was there, that youth group, that I started to see the love of God really work through the people. Um, my youth minister specifically, um, just two weeks into going there, we went to a summer camp of like for a week, and I was in the medical room because my blood sugar had crashed. And so I was just sitting there waiting for it to come back up. And my youth minister just happened to walk in and he saw me and he just sat down and started talking to me. Just not like trying to shove religion or Jesus, like trying to shove that in my face, just because he cared. And it was in that moment that I realized what the love of God looks like and what it looks like whenever I'm open and responding to it. And so, even not being a Christian, I could see immediately like there's something to this, and maybe putting conditions on God's love and saying, like, if you're real, you won't let the XYZ happen. Maybe that was kind of stupid. Maybe, just maybe. Um, and uh yeah, that again, I I almost forget what the question was, but that's that's kind of some of the personal stuff that was going on in my life um that led me to where I was and kind of as I entered NorthStar, not really Christian, but then as I kind of worked through the curriculum and seen NorthStar come alongside me and support me in that faith and in that new uh season of my life, um, not just spiritually, but academically, and kind of affirming these things that I was starting to figure out through the people in my life. Um, it's so special when you have a like a an entire school institution that can do that. It's very rare. But yeah.

Pre–NorthStar Struggle And Selective Mutism

Stephanie Shafer 14:49

That's good. I love it. And what we're hearing is just yeah, God drawing you and then the sanctification that's going on and how he placed you at NorthStar. So yeah, so here you here you are. Your dad, Phil, love him. He's actually on our brand new uh independent governing board for NorthStar as of July 1, 2025. Um, so thankful for him. He has poured into me, encouraged me, um, loves you to death, and yeah, just really supported NorthStar in all kinds of ways. But um I think he was searching, I think maybe you were searching, you know, he called NorthStar. Um, he always likes to say, I kept, I kept, you know, Jessica Armstrong on the phone for like over an hour, asking her all these questions. And she was so patient and answering. But that's what we love to do because whether it was a good fit for you or not, um, we wanted to pray with your family. We wanted to, you know, find out. And so I love that. And I love that he brought you here and kept you here. Um, so what was that like when you uh online school, completely online, this global school? How do I jump into this? So tell us a little bit about that journey. And yeah, I know you met Mr. Hester and Mr. Deach and students and got plugged in. So I want them to hear how God just really worked.

Ben Cornelius 16:09

Yeah, going going into it, I um uh it was difficult because I had just tested before like going into NorthStar and I was behind on a lot of things. And I, you know, part of that maybe was some of my habits, and it was just not a good situation. And so I was very behind and very scared joining NorthStar because I'm thinking there's no way I'm gonna catch back up to all these other people. And in in some ways I didn't, I I kind of did stay behind in some things, but it was it worked itself out and it was it was great. And I I never um in the moment, I don't think I appreciated NorthStar in everything that it was doing because it was always a game of catch-up for me. And so even though it was a big blessing in my life through that, it was always I was so focused on getting getting myself caught up and prepared, and it was very hard for me to kind of enjoy that, and at least initially. And um, like you mentioned, you know, getting plugged in with the the guys group at it with uh Mr. Hester and Mr. Deach, like that that helped me slow down and take a minute to recognize what God was doing in the people's lives around me, even if I never really saved a whole lot of time to like reach out and talk online. NorthStar has plenty of forms to do that, which is amazing. Um, and so yeah, that was getting started was really rough. And we had to make adjustments to my course plans. And you can imagine it was just it it came with its fair share of hiccups. But once we got going, I think every teacher that I had was willing to meet me where I was at and to understand. And I, oh my word, I I love them to death. They like every single one was so flexible with like figuring out how to uh accommodate me before I had started talking because there was about a year and a half to two year period where I just wouldn't talk. And they were like, Okay, yeah, you can type, we'll figure it out, we'll work through it. And they didn't make a big deal about it. Um, and that was always so encouraging to me because I thought, well, I can fit here. Clearly, it works. Um, so yeah, it was never um NorthStar was never in my mind um something that would have worked, and it ended up working so well. And that's it, I I think that is how God tends to operate. You know, he he takes things that you will initially in your flesh probably reject, and he makes them so good and he uses them. And uh when I did become Christian, that that started to open it up a little bit for me, and I started to appreciate more where the curriculum was coming from. So that was that was also really good.

Stephanie Shafer 18:44

That's awesome. And you told me that okay, someone reached out to you, a guy, and invited you to um the group, the guy's group. So, what was that like when he invited you? How did he do it? Were you intimidated? Were you like, uh, I don't want to go to that, or were you all in at that point?

Ben Cornelius 19:04

Yeah, when he first responded, I initially thought, what are you doing? Like, what? How'd you find how'd you get how'd you get my name? What? Um, no, I was yeah, I was just kind of confused. And I think that was around the time that I was starting to talk. I I think I was there where I was making changes, but I wasn't fully like open about it like I am now. And so he caught me at a perfect time because I was open to joining a group and pushing my limits and verbalizing with this new group of guys, but it wasn't exactly comfortable. Um, and so I again I think that's just kind of a reflection of the best place to be in your spiritual walk is in like some sort of place of discomfort, trying to push and and trying to do things that maybe you're called to that you don't initially feel ready and prepared for. And so that was where I was. Um, and he didn't initially invite me to the men's group, it was more we just kind of

Divorce, Searching, And Finding Love In Action

Stephanie Shafer 20:00

formed a friendship and then through that um when it did open up um we ended up both going all in this in this group together um so it yeah it was just it was a blessing and i never would have had it turn out that way but it did and it's i'm so happy it did that's so good okay what's his first name uh daniel daniel thank you daniel you know who you are uh daniel that he listened to god or he you know wanted to make you feel seen and known he didn't have to do that but he reached out and but that's god connection god's always about connection at just the perfect time he's the best networker um people in people's lives so i love that okay so you got into the group what uh what was that like what happened how do you describe that group yeah it was uh uh kind of your typical fellowship bible study it kind of went hand in hand um it it was a slow start we didn't have a whole lot of people um but when we did finally kind of get into the rhythm of things and we started uh becoming close friends and even like Mr.

Ben Cornelius 21:07

Hester and Mr. Deach like they're such blessings oh my goodness they they know how to really make people feel at home and and they know how to shepherd students so well and uh through their their guidance and their desire to study the word with other you know men uh or those of us who were growing into godly men like that's just it was so special so we got to do that uh that's what our it was every Monday night at 7 p.m. Central we'd always join and it was just um yeah it was a good time it it gave me uh an outlet for me discovering my faith and growing in my faith and yeah love it okay thank you Mr.

Stephanie Shafer 21:47

Hester Mr. Deep for uh for doing that thank you Jesus for putting that together and I I love it because it's online and so people might be listening. Maybe you're thinking what is this NorthStar and you're not a part of the community right now but yes real deep connection live in person because we can see each other you know even right now in this we're on Zoom recording like happens at NorthStar and in some ways I think it's deeper connection is possible than a brick and mortar because if you're in a class you know you may or may not feel comfortable going up to your teacher when all the students are leaving you know connecting here you can have one-on-ones with teachers and open up and ask questions and learn you know and then the guys group um so I love it and anybody can join from around the world because we're online people do any meeting might have four continents I mean how many times have you been in a group at NorthStar and like there's people it's 9 30 p.m for you it's 7 30 a.m for me you know um I mean we have kids get on they're like I'm it's 4 a.m or 2 a.m and I'm on one of our meetings I'm like should you really be up uh right now your sleep's pretty important but yeah so as you're sharing that I just love it love that God um yeah so have you carried any connections with you with Mr. Hester Mr. Deach other students since graduating from NorthStar?

Ben Cornelius 23:13

Uh very loosely yeah um again it me and Hester and me and Mr Deach we've spoken a couple times after I've graduated and um we stay in touch a little bit and then Daniel and I we we talked a lot um in our first year of college we haven't talked in a while but we uh yeah we're we're good friends and it's just I know that I can reach out to them at any point like that's kind of where our relationship is with like as a group of guys like we have each other's numbers we know we can reach out and uh we're gonna be I think Mr. Hester said this in our alumni meeting but we're gonna be doing like some reunion uh over I think Thanksgiving or Christmas or something. So that'll be exciting if we can pull that off.

Joining NorthStar While Behind Academically

Stephanie Shafer 23:48

Yeah that's awesome. Yeah and so when you leave when you're not at NorthStar anymore you can still connect quickly. Yeah you don't have to all get in the same room. So love technology technology is not all bad because there's a lot of stuff but technology can be amazing in connection and community and you can have real community on online um yeah so super love it thank you for sharing that story um just as you're reflecting back on your story what would you say right now to someone that is listening a young person um that might this might resonate with them what do you want them to hear right now yeah I it's hard to know where people are at in their faith walk because with NorthStar it's kind of there's this assumption you know that you're probably a Christian or at least you you're understanding what the faith looks like.

Ben Cornelius 24:43

And so for me that isn't always true. And so whenever I speak to people about it like I always go in understanding that I don't know where you're at. Maybe you are like a faithful child of God or maybe you're in the boat of like you question your own salvation every day you wake up and you don't even know like what you're doing. And that's very heavy. And so I guess just whatever season of life anyone's at like knowing that they are created in the image of God because of that even if they you know have made mistakes along the way or they've stumbled there is no time at which you can't turn to the one who created you. And whether that looks like turning to him for the first time you know seeking to be a part of his family or if you are part of his family but you also feel as though you're you're kind of lost in life right now and you you just kind of got to give up because it's not going the way you want I mean there's always some form or way you can turn to the father. And so that that's just been a big principle in my life the last month is because every day I wake up and I think if this doesn't work out like if I I am so screwed you know and it's like I just I don't know I don't know what life has and it's very easy to want to give up but um we are made in the image of our creator and he designed us to run to him when things get tough. And so it's just worth it. It's worth it to try it even if you don't want to even if you don't think it'll work even if you've done it 1001 times it's worth it to do it again.

Men’s Group Invite And Safe Fellowship

Stephanie Shafer 26:21

Yeah that's so good. So it resonates with me and I know others listening because we're all messy messy people in that beautiful connection and community it is gonna be messy ups and downs and uh yeah oh that's so good. So yeah if you're listening to this with me I know we're in awe that so you went from some tough times in your life some decisions that were made around you without your input and um yeah the selective mutism and all of that. And here we are listening to this incredible man who's growing in God's wisdom and is all in and is like clearly speaking um not afraid to speak enjoys it thinking about a youth pastor where you'd be speaking all the time to people and sharing and maybe an evangelist around the world you know so many things. Real estate you're gonna be speaking to people you have to be proactive reach out to them talk to them you know so you could have oh I'll just be an accountant going a room by myself you know or something like that but you have chosen and God's led you to use your voice. And so that is powerful um what I'm hearing. And I hear Jesus pulling you and you leaning in it took you trusting him leaning in pressing in he doesn't just pull us and make us you know like you you have a choice and so as you reflect back like what what are you seeing? What are you hearing? I know you're so thankful. Um yeah what is the Holy Spirit even speaking to you right now yeah I I like that question.

Ben Cornelius 28:05

I it's such a hard one to answer fully because uh right now I've I've kind of gotten involved in a in a pretty large church and so there's a lot of events going on and like midweek and stuff and of course Sundays and um one thing that we're going through in one of my small groups on Monday nights is Ephesians. And um we have just gone through I think it's Ephesians chapter two and we're talking about you know the work of the Holy Spirit and how to um how to live in accordance with like God's word and how we're called to live and Paul's really like praising the church in Ephesus it's a very stark contrast from like Galatian the Galatians church it's like well okay um we're good now and so um just I think reading what the church did right and and reading how they were able to grow God's kingdom in the midst of a culture that was so divided you had the Jews and the Gentiles and it was heated and one thing that we had talked about was how if you're a Jew in that time and you didn't recognize that Jesus was the way, the truth and the life like if you didn't recognize that you realize very quickly oh my word I've been doing all these things for nothing. I've been keeping like I've been basing my life around all these laws for nothing. So you have to have humility as a Jew to enter that and then as the Gentile you have to have humility and understanding to kind of bridge that gap. And I think right now I'm in a place in my life where I'm realizing that our culture is divided in a very similar way maybe not through like cultures so much, but through beliefs and understanding and even like that what we define as like love and what we define as good and and what good practices look like. And so I want my life to look like that of someone who can bridge gaps and who can speak truth in a world that tries to reject it every single day. And it's a really hard thing to do but that's that's kind of what I think has been put on my heart um just through reading you know God's word and I'm in it a lot now because I have a very good strong church family and I'm very grateful for that. But yeah it's just we're in a time where we need that what wherever like anyone anyone who calls himself a child of God should be thinking about how how can I bridge the gap between their understanding of who God is and who God really is. Because in America especially like we have God everywhere but it's all these different ideas of God. Like he to one person God is a hateful mean white guy in the sky and to another person God is like kind of just a chill dude but to us he's our savior you know and so it's bridging that so that we can bring people to understand what true joy and purpose looks like. And that's where we're at yeah.

Ongoing Connections And Global Community

Stephanie Shafer 31:02

Wow so rich so good God has given you supernatural wisdom his wisdom and again it's you pressing into his word and so I just let it in essay connects um and we just had a spiritual emphasis week about rooted in the word the connects was about being nourished your soul and yeah it's a choice whether we're gonna pick it up read it sometimes we don't want to um but his word is living and active sharper than a two-edged sword able to pierce through the heart all the way to the bone and marrow and that's what you've led him like you've said here I am and it is and the way you're able to rightly divide God's word and just even teach us right now um is incredible and powerful and yeah I couldn't be any more excited. I love your church I don't even know what the name of it is but the fact that they are leading you to soak in the word immerse yourself out of that all the goodness is coming and you know him and you want to make his name known um yeah that's your purpose to make his name known to yeah that's very encouraging yeah I'm I'm very grateful yeah you're doing it you're doing it all right let me see if I got anything else on your survey I circled so many things it's already so good we could just say bye I don't know I'm just so excited sitting in this goodness um with you thanking God that yeah he's opened my eyes to be able to see you and and to really know you to see his love through you I've written down so much of what you said.

Encouragement To Students In Any Season

Ben Cornelius 32:36

I want my life to bridge gaps I need to write a book that's the title it'll be a short book but it it'll be that sentence but it'll sell you are bridging gaps and I just see you being able to do that so much more. Um what else anything else that you just want to share not knowing who is listening right now anything you want to talk about it's interesting you asked that because I was just thinking about this uh in our small group it on Sunday mornings we meet as well after like the after the message and everything and something we talked a little bit about as we are going through Noah is the story of Noah is one what obedience looks like which is so important right now but also what it looks like to truly be blessed and this kind of this reframe of the word blessing. And I don't know who's listening I don't know who I'm like speaking to but I think there's this misconception that of like a blessing is if you get money or if you get like status. And I think that there's something so necessary to to correct there of a blessing is not what we like. A blessing is what can glorify God because as Christians if if Jesus truly is our source of life and he's our joy then a blessing to us is anything that will glorify him meaning that um a blessing is better looked at I think as is being something that equips you a blessing is is equipment it's something that gives you the ability to serve God's plan better. And so as I live my life I've been working through this I do through real estate want to generate a stable income and I want to be able to save and I want to lead a family but if I'm not doing that for Christ and it's not actually a blessing it's just a little life hack that I figured out how to you know how to how to gain some sort of worldly success. And so that's I think as Christians when we see evil whether it's um people who are you know gaining their money through like drugs or posting online and they're able to like generate some sort of worldly income that's not a blessing. That's them figuring out a cheat sheet figuring out like a code to get money um but that's not going to lead to what God has for us. So recognizing that blessings don't manifest themselves in purely money it can put it can manifest itself in the the brothers and sisters in Christ that you have around you. The church in Nigeria right now even though they're suffering they're blessed because they have a community that they're willing for to die for every day. And as Americans as American like I look at that and I don't tend to see them as blessed. But when I realize what a blessing really truly means they are more blessed than I am at the moment just in that part at least and you know so I I need to for my life I need to stop seeking out blessings and asking for blessings according to my flesh and instead recenter my life around the blessings that God has given me that I maybe haven't recognized is a blessing whether it's through my my ability to talk now that I don't I used to not have that or um through my friends or through the hard circumstances right now that I see maybe fleshly I see as a curse but maybe it's a blessing.

Stephanie Shafer 35:48

So yeah. So good. All right I know what I want to wrap up with because you said there are evils around us. We've already declared that tech is a good thing like so good in so many ways. North Shore Academy 27 years couldn't do it without tech but tech can also not be good. And so I know um you put on your sheet issues you would like to talk about or you could talk about issues that screen time has caused in your life because as I think about this goodness of digging in immersing yourself in community with believers in the word in seeking him there's a huge outlet that wants to pull us from that. So do you want to talk a little bit about screen time? Because I know gosh we could say probably every listener has an issue with screen time. Maybe not maybe you've conquered that um but what can that do to us?

Bridging Gaps: Ephesians, Culture, And Truth

Ben Cornelius 36:40

What was your struggle and and what do we do with it like how do we overcome it I don't I haven't figured out how to fully overcome it yet because I still I still deal with it every day but I think screen time has it's something that we need to regulate and like you said like repurpose almost like find find out how to use it for good. Because I do think that um we do recognize that our phones and our laptops and all of these technology bits like they are designed to keep us engaged and keep us consistently staring at it you know um and all these social medias right the they're free so clearly we're the product it's not like they're just doing us a favor like that we are we are the product they are wanting us to reel and so figuring out how to use our screens for good I think is the ultimate way to combat screen time in a negative light. Meaning that if I'm using my laptop every day for my NorthStar classes and you know then I use it to create like a study plan for myself or something like that. I'm gonna feel that I'm less addicted because I'm using it for good and I'm not being sucked into this fantasy world that maybe Instagram or Facebook or even YouTube has to offer if that makes sense. So I think just like you know technology can be good if it's spirit led and if we're if it's in the hands of the right people but we just need to avoid the the aspects of the internet that are that are damaging by design. I think that's really all there is to it. And it's easier said than done because I don't abide by that strictly at all but I I try.

Stephanie Shafer 38:16

Yeah it's so hard um doom scrolling as people say you know because you're like oh I've got 15 minutes I'll get on my phone scroll but I know that you can be sucked in and two hours has gone by and then you've missed all of these connections that you could have had um in the room. How many times you've been in a room with somebody you know five people four of them at least are on their phone like just go to and so we it's designed by the world to miss that you know connection and how the enemy uses it. And so okay if anybody's listening what they're addicted because that's what it is it's an addiction even email because I'm like oh I'm not addicted to social media I took those apps off my phone but like how many times do I get on let me show my email let me show my email there's a dopamine hit even in the like checking the email and scrolling through that so what do we do? Like what's the first step if someone first of all I think the first step is realizing oh yeah this is this has got me this um takes so much of my time it's totally reframing my mind to believe things that aren't true. So then what's the next step?

Ben Cornelius 39:28

Yeah just put all your tech in a trash compactor honestly that's I think that's the I'm kidding. No you gotta if you're gonna use it which I mean obviously NorthStar is very like centered around technology as a tool and I love that but for me I've started using this I don't know if they have it on Android but on iPhones they have like a setting where you can um turn it all black and white and I'm sure all the phones have some way you can do that. And what that does is it takes out like because it takes out all the color your eyes are less like it's less appealing to your eyes. Um In fact, we were just last night studying the Bible. Um, well, I mean, in first John, I think it's in the Bible where it's like the lust of the flesh, the pride of the eyes, or I think I'm switching that up, but it's uh it's a bit about the you know, your eyes are very drawn, and the things that are appealing to the eyes are often like real us in. And so by taking out all the color, you kind of see your phone as a tool and less of like this source of entertainment. So that's been working for me a lot. I try that. Um, and then also like in hard situations, you brought up like going into a room and you know, four people are on their phones. What I've started doing is I try to fight that urge to pull out my phone. And so when I walk into a room, if I can get past the first three minutes of just looking like a moron looking around the room, if I can get to get back to that awkward three minutes and I just sit there and I just observe and I just look around and I just smile and I like, you know, maybe I look at my nails because I'm still suffering from that desire to just look down, whatever, I start to like feel free again. So like I'd encourage, like, if you're listening to this and you feel as though you struggle at all with screen time and you're in a public setting, try to keep your phone in your pocket for three minutes. Set a timer, I don't care, and notice at the end of the three minutes if you feel like, oh wait, no, this is fine. I'm kind of vibing here just looking around. Like, that's it's it's kind of cool. So I don't know. I don't have a whole lot of tips other than that, but just eliminating all the desirable aspects of your phone so that you can transform it into a tool rather than like this source of entertainment.

Stephanie Shafer 41:26

That's so good. I love that. I didn't know about the black and white.

Ben Cornelius 41:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been so helpful. Yeah, you gotta it's great.

Stephanie Shafer 41:34

That's good. The three minutes, yeah. Setting a timer. Um, or you can go cold turkey like me. I deleted the Facebook app. Um, I never really used much but Facebook, but I did have Instagram and I just deleted that. I think I had TikTok for a few short minutes. Like my girls were on it. I said, Let me see what this is. I even made one TikTok video, it's crazy. But um, then I quickly, because I think that might be the easiest to suck you in. And then you can't control what you see. Like I started things to pop up, and so I was like, uh-uh. So I deleted that. So that's cold turkey. I know a lot of people don't want to do that, can't do it, but it worked for me. And so I don't pick my phone up as often because that's not there to look at. Almost you feel like, oh I'm gonna be missing something. I I gotta see this.

Ben Cornelius 42:23

Um but my friends are on it.

Rethinking Blessing As Equipment

Stephanie Shafer 42:26

Yeah, I gotta talk. This is the way I talk. Snapchat. One of my daughters still like that's the way she grew up talking to people. I'm like, can't you pick up the phone and call? Um, you know, why do you not want to talk to people? And so there's so much in that. Gosh, we could talk forever. But yeah, if you're struggling with that, if you hear that, um let me know. Reach out to us at NorthStar and um yeah, we're here for you. Pray for you about that, connect you with Ben. Um, I'm sure he would love to, you know, tell you more. So uh, this has been just an incredible conversation and um yeah, so much wisdom pouring out of you, so much teaching the truth out of God's word. And so thank you. Thank you for coming, sharing your story. Thank you for letting us just watch and see God's goodness all through your life.

Ben Cornelius 43:16

Yeah, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Very, very encouraging.

Stephanie Shafer 43:23

Thank you so much for listening today. If you have any questions for our guest or like information about NorthStar, please email us at podcast at nsa.school. We love having guests on our show and getting to hear their stories. If you have anyone in mind that you think would be a great guest to feature, please email us and let us know. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on upcoming stories.