The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
Join us on this journey of fatherhood, and subscribe to "The Real Dad Podcast" today!
The Real Dad Podcast
Patience Unlocked: Finding Your Child's Why
What happens when we stop immediately saying "no" to our kids and instead take a moment to understand the reasoning behind their choices? This episode dives deep into a parenting approach that might revolutionize how your children develop decision-making confidence.
The dads share a revealing story about a snowy day boot selection that sparked an important realization: constantly meeting children with "no" teaches them their decision-making abilities are flawed. This pattern often follows them into adulthood, creating hesitant adults afraid to make wrong choices. By simply asking "Why did you pick those boots?" or "What made you choose that?" we acknowledge our children as thinking beings with legitimate perspectives.
Throughout the conversation, we contrast modern parenting styles with the "blissful ignorance" our parents enjoyed—a time when kids roamed neighborhoods unsupervised and many worries remained unspoken. Today's parents carry information overload and heightened awareness that leads to constant anxiety, something our children sometimes actively resist. One fascinating observation reveals how children intentionally slow down when parents rush, their way of saying "your anxiety isn't my problem."
The episode balances philosophical insights with practical advice on developing patience, repairing communication after heated moments, and understanding the unique parent-child dynamics that develop in every household. We explore how the different strengths between parenting partners can create complementary approaches to childcare routines like bedtime or tooth-brushing.
Whether you're struggling with a defiant toddler or trying to build more respect-based communication with older children, this conversation offers both validation and actionable strategies to shift your approach. Subscribe now and join our growing community of parents navigating the beautiful chaos of raising humans who feel confident in their decisions.
saying no less and instead looking for more of an explanation from the kids as to why they're making the decision that they are making. So, in that moment, with the boots, it's like, okay, why did you pick those boots? Are they more comfortable? Do you think they looked great with your outfit? Like there has to be a reason why she was so passionate about having those boots right, and I feel like that's what can really help encourage self-confidence as adults. Most people don't want to be the decision maker because you don't want to be the one to make the decision, to have it be wrong, and I think that stems from a young age and always being met with no. But instead, if you're met with, why is that the decision that you made right now and trying to guide your kid through? Okay, I totally hear that, yes, those boots look straight fire with that outfit, but I was straight fire, listen, I'm but out in the snow.
Speaker 4:Did you say straight fire?
Speaker 1:Listen. I'm trying to connect with my kid now.
Speaker 3:She talks like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh yeah, straight fire. No, she's never said that once in her life.
Speaker 4:I'm not kidding, I was going to say If you got some time to relax your mind.
Speaker 2:Come have breakfast with the Real Dad Podcast. Welcome to the Real Dad Podcast.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the Real Dad Podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm Dave and I know how to juggle oh wow, Hi, I'm Joey and I forgot that we were doing fun facts about ourselves.
Speaker 4:I consider myself an excellent driver. Liar Hi, no, I do. My name is Mark and I have five brothers, nice.
Speaker 2:Oh fuck. Hi, my name is Brian and I have a forever zit on my neck.
Speaker 4:Really A forever zit. Yeah A, where's your forever zit?
Speaker 1:Let's dab, you're not going to drop that on us.
Speaker 2:It's right here. There's a little like us. It's right here. It's uh, there's a little like, it's just a little.
Speaker 4:You could have picked anything and you lit with that it's an interesting fact, but it's funny because I have one on my lip right here, really, and I've never heard anyone call it a forever zit, and that's exactly what it is it's always there.
Speaker 3:It comes and goes. No, it never leaves it just fills up with pus.
Speaker 4:Okay, no, mine doesn't do that, it's just a red dot on my lip.
Speaker 2:I just got like it must be a cyst of some sort Right Okay. Wow.
Speaker 4:I've had it my whole life.
Speaker 2:Forever pimple. It's kind of fun actually.
Speaker 4:Yeah, there you go, if you four and two at night time yeah, if you're a person that's into that sometimes it's super satisfied does
Speaker 1:your wife ever pop your pimples?
Speaker 4:no, wow.
Speaker 3:Robin lives for it like it's annoying.
Speaker 4:Oh like I like popping pimples and I'll even consume a little content on the pimple book oh wow you're learning something new.
Speaker 3:Have you ever watched those? I can't are we?
Speaker 2:talking a cyst.
Speaker 4:No, like boils and cysts and ingrown hairs.
Speaker 2:It's disgusting, but it's hard not to watch.
Speaker 4:It's so satisfying. But like Robin will literally like bend me over, not the good kind, and then be like let me see your back and I'm like oh fuck, I'm a spicy meatball right now, and spicy meatball right now and she just fucking goes to town at it and sometimes I get frustrated and I'm like shut the shit down.
Speaker 1:But it feels good too, like sometimes For a little while. No, does it? I'm a bit of a mess.
Speaker 4:I can't you ever get a pimple on your side.
Speaker 2:Step into Joey's bedroom for a second More things we're learning you get pimples on your sides.
Speaker 4:I can't do it. There's like a little bit of it's weird because I go from zero to punch you in the face Pain tolerance. Oh okay, very quickly Gotcha Ha.
Speaker 2:Look at that Very quickly. Oh, that feels good. No, no, no, it's like a.
Speaker 4:It's like a I can Okay stop it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay how she deals with it I really don't um, but we're here okay and we have our health okay, that is good.
Speaker 2:And our pimples?
Speaker 4:happy for you forever pimples even.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's incredible man, I'm digging this new opening thing.
Speaker 4:We're gonna learn a lot about each other. We really are. I mean, that's I'm.
Speaker 1:I love that yeah, my fun fact was terrible, though I can vouch for your driving.
Speaker 4:You were a very good driver, thank you. Have you ever been in an accident?
Speaker 1:uh, so I've been in kind of one, I guess, but it was just super icy. I was driving like 40 and there was a hill and it just slid there. Hit it and then I kept driving.
Speaker 4:My like just a snow bank.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's not an accident, but like my, go-to is like I blew a tire on the 401 in the middle lane and just casually pulled off to the side. Meg likes to tell the story. She had her legs up on my lap while we were driving. I was going back to her place at waterloo on the 401. I was cruising along the left lane flying and then the car started to like do this like rattle it crazy. So I pulled in the middle lane and two cars were on either side of me and the front left tire blew and it was kind of scary.
Speaker 4:But I just kind of put my flicker on and solo went off to the side.
Speaker 2:She was like how did you not?
Speaker 1:panic. I'm like I don't know. If I panicked we would have died probably. Instead, I just didn't.
Speaker 3:I am not nearly as good of a driver, Joey. I'm just lucky I just luckily evaded a few things in my life. I could have been very bad.
Speaker 1:I was with you for one of those you were.
Speaker 3:We could have killed so many people. Yeah, it was grade 12 and I had my parents car and there was this road that had like a short dip. So if you went fast enough down it, it gave you that like butterfly feeling, yeah. So I was ripping down that road and went down it and we're like oh, that was awesome, like let's do it again. And a road appeared. So I was like sure, that's the road I think the road was always there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm like they're going, that's the road.
Speaker 1:I think the road was always there. They're going that fast.
Speaker 4:The road just appears Again. I think it's always there.
Speaker 3:So I just peel the corner onto this road and like just miss the ditch kind of get on, like stayed on the road. But there was another car coming down and it was one of those awkward moments where we turned around and that car didn't move and you knew they were waiting for us and we're waiting for them to leave. And then they left and we went and we did it again. It's a funny time.
Speaker 1:I wasn't even thinking about that one. There was two of them that I was okay the other one was steve's fault. We were following it. Oh, we were in like a what do they call it? Caravan, when you pass, I was going to say lucky.
Speaker 1:Yeah, following along, somebody following them somewhere. So it was our other brother-in-law. He was ahead of us and then we go over to the right lane and he guns it all of a sudden. We're like all right, so Dave's gunning it behind him and he pulls, and now the transport truck is in the intersection. Dave's still going straight in the right lane. He can't peel off to the right because there's all cars there, so he just carried on straight right up over the curb onto the crash lane ended.
Speaker 1:There was no more lane he drove on the grass for a little bit and he threw on his flicker and merged back into the lane I promptly put my seat belt well played.
Speaker 3:It was one of those moments that was like terrifying and neither of us said anything or reacted until we got back into the lane.
Speaker 1:They're like holy shit well, because if there was a light pole or a person or anything that was we wouldn't be here right now. I got a couple more.
Speaker 4:I used to have so much fun when I drove.
Speaker 2:right now, driving is just boring. It's like you've got to be responsible. My parents had a standard which I learned to drive on, so I used the e-brake a lot. It was a lot of fun.
Speaker 4:Now, it's a stupid push-button thing, especially when you're in a spark.
Speaker 2:I don't have the spark today, go to the grocery store parking lot. Just yeah, I used to love that I'll never forget.
Speaker 4:Coming home from college, I was with my buddy dave he's not listening to this, but um, yeah anyways. Um, we're coming home from like a weekend of wild shenanigans and he likes to think that he's a nascar driver. I don't know why. I spoke in german there. So we're driving down a country road, there's like an old lady in front of us and then there's several vehicles driving on the other side.
Speaker 4:It's a long weekend, so traffic is busier and this idiot thinks that he can beat the cars that are coming on things. So he, he's driving and and our buddy was in front of us, so he safely passes the person that is slowing everyone down. And then there's there's a car clearly coming in the opposite direction. He's like you think I can make it up and catch a brown? I was like brown is the slowest driver ever. You're going to catch him regardless. So we're good. He's like I'm going, I was like going where, and we stopped speaking and he pulls over, and now we're in a game of chicken with this car that's coming on, and then I just hear him go yep, not going to make it and the fucking twins wheel into the ditch, down into the ditch, for the thing.
Speaker 4:And then he pulls, he tries to save it and come back up into blindly oncoming traffic, cause we're coming up the hill, fucking bang. And then and then we pull over on the on the side of the opposite side of the road and brown is pulled over. He's having a smoke because he just thought we died and he's like the thing. And then I get out of the car and he's like you want to drive?
Speaker 4:yes, I want to drive home with you yes fuck you, I'm never getting in the car with you again. Yep, not gonna make it.
Speaker 3:It's a miracle you're here it is yeah which, like I'm terrified to let my kids drive. For that fact alone it's. I don't think I have it in me there has to be a parent level that you reach, where you just stop thinking about things. No, I don't you know what I know, but I think here's the problem.
Speaker 4:I don't think our parents liked us very much when you think about all the shit they used to let us do. They let us, they didn't care where we went.
Speaker 1:They let us outside. That was their mistake.
Speaker 4:They literally let us outside, and they didn't give a fuck. They didn't care if we got bullied, they didn't care about any of that shit. They just let us out, you'll deal. You'll figure it out. You'll figure it out. That was the advice we got. They had to have a commercial to remind them that they had kids. I've said it before and I'll say it again it's 10 pm do you know where your kids?
Speaker 3:are. We were the kids.
Speaker 4:There is a level to not knowing things yeah, but we are because we have too much knowledge.
Speaker 3:Now I know I know, like even like with air tags that you could have on cars and stuff and nowhere exact anyways, because there was a my son's friend. He was telling a story. We were driving together to an event for the kids and he said they had his stepbrother had watched a show that they weren't supposed to watch, and then the kids had kind of gotten in trouble and the stepdad had said, like what happened to just not telling people what you watched? Like why wouldn't?
Speaker 3:you just like watch a thing and then not tell anyone about it, and like that's what we did growing up. You would watch something and nobody knew about it. Your parents just don't know the things that you did. Yeah, so when we are together as a family and we're telling these stories, my dad is like no, I don't want to hear them I don't want to hear about the almost times, like all the times you almost died and it's like I just I did, I didn't know them and I didn't.
Speaker 3:I don't need to know them right, please just stop.
Speaker 1:That's that blissful ignorance, right?
Speaker 4:I feel like our parents definitely lived in that, where they just had too much shit that they were dealing with and they just we were one thing they didn't have to deal with, regardless of what happened to us once we went out the door man I think of, I think of, and I know our parents have the things they used to do, right, but like and I don't know if there's a little bit of that, like, oh, like we used to do some and it was so much fun, we want you guys to have some of that fun, whereas, like I'm, like yo, there was fucking real trauma in those memories and I don't want you guys to have to go through that just live under this rock with me for the next 35 years.
Speaker 4:We'll be all right.
Speaker 1:I think there becomes an element of once your kids have the independence to go out on their own, there just becomes too many things to worry about, so you just have to let go of all of it. Right? It's like once your kids have that independence especially once they're driving right like now the entire world is at their fingertips. We, you'll just drive yourselves into an anxious, anxious depression if you just keep thinking about all the things that you could worry about with your kids. Right, and I don't doubt that a lot of parents find themselves in that cycle right, like, if you already have that, um, I know ian even touched on it when he was on the show of like that anxiety driven parenting. I think if you live within that and you don't let that go eventually like, I can only imagine what that would be like once your kids are out in the real world, setting a kid off to college for the first time.
Speaker 3:If you're still carrying that, I think they would probably describe it as constantly living in a low level of anxiety. I know my dad said that when my sister was backpacking through Europe he couldn't check in with her every day. There wasn't a way to know. It's like you're just constantly on this low level of worry so that when they do come home, and it's like you're just constantly on this low level of like worry so that when they do come home, then it's like, and it's like you feel that weight come off because it's like you know they're home, you know they're safe, and then they go out onto their next adventure and you just buckle up for another level of self-autonomous driving cars by then they'll be fine.
Speaker 3:What kind?
Speaker 2:of trouble can you get into with those? I don't know they'll find a way we found a way.
Speaker 1:Their trouble is going to be so lame.
Speaker 4:I would remember driving when I first got my license. Yep, remember that book of fucking, the cd bible that you had to fucking thumb through. Yeah, yeah, you know how dangerous like and how driving, driving with this fucking thing and looking for, like the mark 2001 and trying to get a fucking plastic case I just want the boys of summer to come on, they have no idea.
Speaker 4:I was like my my son was like can I watch some whatever thing on your phone? I'm like, yeah, sure, no problem. Pull my phone on my thing. And my wife's like You're driving, you shouldn't be doing that While you're driving. I was like you don't have to, fucking shit.
Speaker 1:I used to thumb through While I was driving.
Speaker 4:Yeah, honestly.
Speaker 1:Although, do you remember your first time Having a moment With a cell phone in a car when you realize we shouldn't do this before it was illegal? I have that moment in store to my memory is with a flip phone, I do it like three times a day.
Speaker 4:I'm like fuck it should be doing this I've done the talk to text now.
Speaker 1:But I was on a flip phone talking to my older brother and driving and I almost rear-ended somebody because we were just having like a good conversation and I just checked out and slammed on the brakes is one of the only times I had to like screech to a halt, like oh, I was close, he's like that didn't sound good, like I'm good, I just stopped in time. But I remember having the moment to be like I wonder if I shouldn't be doing this right now, because that was before you couldn't I got real good with the t9 and I didn't have to look
Speaker 3:at the 10s, really yeah I never mastered the.
Speaker 2:I was awful because it was actual buttons, it was yeah t9 was great.
Speaker 4:I remember driving down the 401, texting while driving and look, because before you didn't have to be discreet you just put it up on the thing and you're like texting 10 and 2 texting over here you have to conceal, carry you can't
Speaker 1:be a willy nilly, just fucking anyways.
Speaker 4:So now, like when the thing I remember like texting I was like back when like bbm was a thing or like you had like the blackberry with the keyboard be like thumbing your way through yep. And then you look up and it's like don't text and drive on the sign. I'm like that fucking sign is talking to me, yeah like I'm the only one doing it.
Speaker 2:We had a good laugh with my mom last weekend because she was talking about we were talking about driving out east. We're like, well, we can't drive for like 10 hours straight because you're not supposed to drive that long with your kids in a car seat, like it's not safe for them. And she just laughed because she's like do you remember when we drove out east in our station wagon?
Speaker 2:like nobody had seat belts on. You were all just lying across the bench seat or you were in the back seat. That looks out the back window the rumble seat was it was heaven.
Speaker 1:Back there, there was no worries. That's blissful ignorance, like that's what our parents got to parent through. They had their own crap they had to deal with, they had their own wars, but they had a lot of blissful ignorance that they just got to float through life. Oh, I wish I could remember the term now. Shouldn't have brought it up. My therapist has a term that she uses for, like our parents, generation of parenting. Yeah, um, oh, it's like a farts and feathers type of thing it's just like they just words
Speaker 1:of a feather yeah, it was just that type of like they went through parenting, just like doing it easy, figuring it out as they go, where it's like our generation has a lot more consciousness and how we parent yeah they just had like guilt after the fact, we just guilt ourselves the whole way.
Speaker 2:We entered it with guilt and we're carrying it with us, still see if it's good or bad.
Speaker 1:So I had this thought recently and I posted this to the Patreon, so if you wanted to hear this about a week ago, you should join our Patreon. I like that. Meg and I were talking about it one morning and this is a, so it stemmed from something we've talked about on the show before who's.
Speaker 4:Meg.
Speaker 1:Meg my wife.
Speaker 2:I qualified, that earlier oh sorry, or is that, I think?
Speaker 1:that was the last episode um, either way, getting kids ready in the morning and like having them pick out their stuff and whatever, whatever, and that battle and the let them theory, right, let them do their thing. Um, so this started with the, the boots that she selected. On this given day it's a snowy day outside, you should probably wear big boots. She picked out her fabric type uggs and meg. Immediately. We were already kind of in like a bit of a stress morning, um, but it was immediately like a no, take those out, babe, you're not wearing those today. Murph does not respond well when you just give her a straight no to something. So she didn't respond well. It escalated. The boots ended up in the garbage.
Speaker 2:We carry on the boots did have a hole in them, so I was like they were meant for the garbage anyway, but the member wasn't listening.
Speaker 1:Meg laid down a threat and I'm like meg, we don't make threats and we're not gonna fall through on. She was like I'm following through on it and she threw the boots in the garbage those boots are amazing.
Speaker 1:Um, but yes, so this all stemmed a conversation around um, we really want to instill self-confidence in our kids as they grow up and as they get older, and I think part of that is, uh, built within their decision making. So we had this discussion based around okay, how do we want to react better next time? And I think a lot of it comes down to not saying no. Sorry, it comes down to saying no less. I realized that we said no to our kids a lot immediately, where it's like it's just an immediate no, without asking them why they are making the decision that they're making and then help guide it after we find out more information.
Speaker 1:But you just we do anyways, we got so used to just saying no and we I noticed it with my daughter where she started coming to us and saying, well, I have a question, but you're gonna say no. So I'm like how often are we saying it that you're already assuming the no before you even give me a chance to have this discussion? But I'm like but I also get it like we do say no a lot. Now, if you aren't a parent, you're probably not listening. If you are a parent, you know that your kids do and say a lot of stuff that you just have to say no to. Like kids are not intelligent with what is happening around them, right? Yeah, they're pretty stupid. They're pretty dumb, most of the time stupid dumb kids you're listening to this.
Speaker 4:You're a stupid head, big dumb, stupid head kid.
Speaker 1:But your parents love you very much and you shouldn't be listening to this.
Speaker 2:Go home Bad parents if they're letting you listen to this.
Speaker 1:You fucking piece of shit.
Speaker 2:Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 1:We were all just having a good time.
Speaker 3:I haven't said anything in a while.
Speaker 1:You went super angry and called someone a stupid dumb shit.
Speaker 4:You started it. I said their big stupid head. I didn't say they were a dumb shit.
Speaker 2:We were talking to a child, Totally totally.
Speaker 4:He had a neck vein.
Speaker 1:He had a neck vein. He felt that he did. I could feel the hot sauce coming out of his fucking teeth, you stupid dumb shit that came from his colon.
Speaker 3:I almost had diarrhea.
Speaker 4:It came from my fucking colon, Dave. It didn't feel good. I feel like a bad person now. I felt it though. Anyways, joey, what were you saying before your brother-in-law rudely interrupted us with his violence?
Speaker 1:He just came at a kid, though that's the thing about it, fucking God.
Speaker 4:I don't even know what we're talking about.
Speaker 2:Nobody needs to know.
Speaker 1:But yes, that's the thing we were noodling on. It's like saying no less, but instead of that, finding out why they're making the decisions that they are, because I think, if you're constantly met with no, I'm really trying hard to keep the brand trade back on the tracks.
Speaker 4:I'm not, I just fucking tore Davis. I can't talk about the noodle, oh God. Thank you, brian.
Speaker 1:We're learning the words we can't use I forgot everything you said after noodle
Speaker 4:Listen, I was talking about the same brain I was. I got fucking noodled on there. It's a plate of spaghetti?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I'm trying my best to avoid large syllable words. I can't avoid my little isms too, okay.
Speaker 4:Because Mark says stupid, dumb shit and I can't absorb multi-syllable words. In case you're new to the show listener it's usually this unorganized, yeah, but sometimes we're able to make it through conversations.
Speaker 1:We're just here for a laugh, that's what they're here for okay saying no, oh, bring it back saying no less and instead looking for more of an explanation from the kids as to why they're making the decision that they are making. So in that moment, with the boots, it's like, okay, why did you pick those boots? Are they more comfortable? Do you think they looked great with your outfit? Like there has to be a reason why she was so passionate about having those boots, and I feel like that's what can really help encourage self-confidence and in their decision making, because I feel like that's something for myself.
Speaker 1:The other thing that kind of sparked this conversation with us was another TikTok that Meg had found. That was somebody talking about adulting and how difficult it is, and they were comparing or linking that to most people hate making decisions. You think about food, like we talk about that all the time. How, yeah, people just hate kind of making that calls because we're so scared to be wrong that as adults, we don't want to be. The most people don't want to be the decision maker because you don't want to be the one to make the decision, to have it be wrong, and I think that stems from a young age and always being met with no Every time you make an answer you're met with no.
Speaker 1:Every time you're at school and you make a wrong answer, you're met with criticism or a mark that is incorrect.
Speaker 4:Mark's usually correct.
Speaker 1:from my experience, mark's always correct, but instead, if you're met with, why is that the decision that you made right now and trying to guide your kid through? Okay, I totally hear that and, yes, those boots look straight fire with that outfit, but out in the snow straight fire.
Speaker 2:Listen, I'm trying to connect with my kid and she talks like that oh yeah, straight straight.
Speaker 1:No, she's never said that once in her life.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to justify a comment I made, but it was done in ill faith.
Speaker 1:Stop. But yeah, I think it's more of our thing is to guide our kids right and to help them make the right decision the next time, instead of just saying no, you have to wear those boots, because I feel like that's a lot of what we were met with was. No, it's this. So that says to me in my head I'm wrong. I'm not good at making decisions right.
Speaker 1:Where I don't want to instill that in my kids. I want them to instill in themselves. I can make the right decision. So it's how you get from point A to point B. Again, this is just something that we've been thinking about and talking about.
Speaker 3:Cause it's hard when you look, cause you prefaced all that by. We were already having a bit of a morning, yeah, so it's hard to, as a parent, be in the mindset of I'm sorry, sweetie, like what, why are you choosing that? Like it's hard to go there because you've already spent your patient bucket, and like, if you have like an amount of patience to give yeah, you've already used up all your patience, and then you get to this situation the kids have used up all your patience and then you get to this situation.
Speaker 1:The kids have used up all your patience, right they've been scooping it out.
Speaker 4:Why are we using a bucket as?
Speaker 2:an analogy. That's pretty normal, yeah, patient bucket.
Speaker 3:I mean, you could fill your bucket, you know, we talk about like when people do things that fills your bucket, you take your bucket. I don't know. Take a bucket, give a bucket.
Speaker 4:I'm not used to this many people anyways, but it's.
Speaker 3:It's hard to to be that in the moment if you were not in a good place and that's where, like, it comes back to even what I had said about like compliance being the thing that determines a good kid. Right, how I thought of it. Where it's like you just want your kid, in that moment, to be compliant. Yes, because you've already spent, you're already done. You want to just say, no, you're not wearing those boots, you're wearing these boots, and you want them to say okay, mom, yeah, and put on the other boots and you go about your day in a happy manner you know how often do you celebrate the times where they do just say okay mom, so nice right and for sure, we go hard at it and we've noticed a huge difference, like we celebrate those like little right, like moments when we're like when they just go with the flow and right like go brush your teeth, okay, whoa now we're talking who wants high five?
Speaker 4:parade like we, we like go at it so good um, just because of that reason just, and we've noticed now more, and it's weird because when we do it for my daughter, who's older, my son, who is three, is like it, he tends to like he's picking up a little bit easier, and then he's not so defiant well, and they'll have fun with it too.
Speaker 1:Like it's funny, you say that I did that tonight unintentionally with uh murph at bedtime. It was my turn for bedtime and she had said, uh, I want some milk. And I was like that's cool, I'm like I get what I had said.
Speaker 4:But she decided that I was saying no, and I probably said that because I'm an asshole um.
Speaker 1:And she got upset and walked away and she's like oh, you're just going to say no or whatever. I'm like I never once said no. I just thought it would be nice if you asked me nicely if you could have some. She's like dad, can I please have some milk? And I was like oh my goodness.
Speaker 4:That was the best, did you?
Speaker 1:feel those words coming out of your mouth and immediately her whole demeanor changes.
Speaker 4:She gets a big smile on her face, a hand yeah, but no you ain't having no milk.
Speaker 1:But it's true, like you celebrate and go over the top. That's what they're going to remember and that's what they're going to have fun with.
Speaker 4:So we sorry, we switched up something else too. When they start being dickheads, okay, we say, try again.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah again.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, and they instantly know now that it's a cue, so they'll say sorry right and they'll go like right back to the thing.
Speaker 2:So yeah, my kids do not say so, they do not turn the ship that quickly that's not happening, it's hilarious, though, with our youngest, because he refuses to say please and thank you and use manners at all. Every time you try and remind him to, he just gets a big grin on his face and just looks at you and just keeps doing the thing.
Speaker 1:He's just so damn cute he really is.
Speaker 4:My son doesn't love to say I love you when he's forced, okay, or like, give hugs and kisses, and we're trying not to like force him Right. So we had they call them Gigi and Papa, but they were over for dinner on Sunday. Okay, they're leaving and he's like can I have a hug? And he goes nope, not in my house yes, that's perfect.
Speaker 1:Oh man, that's so funny. Perfect. Oh man, that's not my ass.
Speaker 3:Um, coming back to what you're saying, though, joe, I think one of the things that I really liked and what you said is that I think often as parents and this might be as your kids get older, because when they're young, they're just young, dumb little kids, but as they start getting older, they have a thought process, yeah, and I think we don't give our kids credit for the process in which they are thinking, like they are growing and becoming intelligent beings that have emotions and thoughts and things that they want to do, like you said, like those boots. What was the reasoning behind that? Why do you not want to wear your jacket?
Speaker 3:and like I remember with my son where he's like well, because I'm slow in my boots, and it's like that's his reason, like he doesn't want to be slow, he wants to be able to be fast. And it's like that's the thought process.
Speaker 3:So if you're forcing me to be slow, then you're forcing me to lose in the game that I'm about to play at recess or something like that, and it's like you start to understand the whys that they might have, and I think that is a very good point to be able to, if you're able to, yeah, try and ask those questions, like I think that's even just a general thing like be more like probing with questions, yeah, than just direct with things well, I think to your point.
Speaker 1:It's giving your kid credit for the fact that they're making a decision in that moment, right like sure. Sometimes they just do things flippantly and it's because the first thing that comes to their mind they do it. But sometimes they are putting actual thought to that and they have a reason why they were doing whatever they were doing, right. So give them that credit and be inquisitive with them and ask questions and find out why they're making those decisions, because that's how you're going to learn to know your kid. I think it kind of goes back to that clip that you played. I don't know if that was on this episode or not.
Speaker 4:No, it wasn't, nevermind, um, but it goes back to last week's episode. We played a real great clip.
Speaker 1:Go back and listen to that one and then come back.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, like you're, yeah, you don't necessarily know the things that are going on in your kid's head, um, because you have all your other things that you're dealing with in your own head, right, so, getting to know your around those decision making that they're making, um, so, similar subject.
Speaker 1:But another thing that just popped in my head that, uh, a good friend of ours we were just chatting about it the other night at dinner Um, he has, he's a single parent, um, and man, what a, what a struggle that is, uh, even chatting with him as he navigates through that, and he's a very anxious parent as well. Um, so, just talking about that and talking about the struggles with it. But he has a counselor that he sees and he was talking to him about one of the biggest struggles that he has with him and his daughter is that he has this thing where he finds that whenever they're kind of late for something or they need to go somewhere, he will obviously his anxiety starts to ramp up and he's like I swear, every time I told her we're like we're gonna be late or like you need to hurry up, she intentionally goes slower. He's like it just kills me.
Speaker 1:He's like it seems like she's doing the opposite and I just it makes me furious. And he's like I had this conversation with my counselor and I've never gone from being so angry about something to being so proud of her about something so quickly. So he's like I had this conversation and he's like okay, so, mark, you realize that that is your daughter trying to regulate you and basically saying I'm not taking your bullshit. So you're coming at her with anxiety and saying we need to go, we need to go do this thing. That's her rejecting your anxiety and saying it's not that important, I'm going to take my time and I'm going to get there. When I'm going to get there. And he was like whoa, wait a minute.
Speaker 1:It's like obviously there's certain layers to that and every situation is different. Sometimes you do have to get out of the house, but he's like there's a lot of times where we don't have to go, where we're going somewhere, where there isn't a time, we don't have an appointment, but we have to be there at this time. I just wanted to leave by a certain time and, because I am such an anxious person, she's picking up on that. So that's her telling me chill it, yeah.
Speaker 2:And he's like man did that ever?
Speaker 4:give me a switch, and kids pick up on that too. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, how many times is like is the shit show a shit show also because you're on your own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've lost your patience. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, rarely is it a shit show when you're just like chill.
Speaker 3:Yeah, rarely is it a shit show when you're just like chill, yeah, and like on time or whatever I remember we're late and like it's just like yeah, whatever, we're gonna be late, it is what it is exactly.
Speaker 4:I remember one time my mom was like like let's go, we gotta go, we gotta go. And I was like we're going to nana's house, like chill out, I was probably like six right, so very similar. Yeah, yeah, kids like can totally pick up on your energy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, just be like dude relax right, it's not that important, I cannot meet anybody cool right in nana's house and like my dad that was one of his he even talks about like he is anxious when he has to go somewhere. Right, he wants to be able to get there early, to feel prepared to kind of understand where he is. He would hate, and like they're also living in a time where you didn't have like uh ways or maps on your phone to tell you exactly how long it was going to get there. Like I remember joey's dad. We always joked about like how should I get here? And he's like, oh, take this road, do this. It'll take you 25 minutes or it'll take you 27 minutes.
Speaker 4:He had knew all the routes, all the timings he claimed yes, that's right, but like back then, like my dad, like they didn't have you'd have to map it or whatever, and like he would always want to be somewhere earlier, not being able to punch something and be like, yeah, I have to be here at this time, so what time do I need to leave?
Speaker 3:yeah, right so that's where his anxiety came from right from it and I definitely have that like aspect that I transfer into our family as well, where it's like we want to be somewhere on time and like I question myself on that often is like why, like even with hockey, like I'm rushing out the door to get to make sure I get to hockey guys night hockey on time if I got there 20 minutes late I would get changed and I'd jump on the ice and I would be like hey dave, good to see you like, it wouldn't make a difference.
Speaker 3:But to me I'm like no, I gotta get there so that I can get dressed and be on the ice for warm-ups why.
Speaker 2:That was a lesson I learned early in our marriage, because I would so often be like stressing about being somewhere on time yeah, and she's on her own schedule, right, but she also stresses about being late, but she's the one that makes us late right, fair enough which is it's fine, it's really fine. I learned that the only person it affects if I'm stressed about being on time somewhere is me right at that time anyway, it was like it just makes the whole experience miserable.
Speaker 2:So I just got very used to being like man, I'm ready to go when you are it's funny because no one in my family is prompt.
Speaker 4:Yeah, never at all, so it's never been a thing for me okay and then like um, it is very important for robin to be punctual and I remember she sent me like a, like video or whatever, and was like people that are late, just don't respect people's time right and I was like it was the first time that it kind of clicked. I'm like, oh my god, like I'm just super disrespectful.
Speaker 2:I don't think so.
Speaker 3:You're just I think there's situations where it could be where, like if somebody is expecting or waiting you for an appointment or whatever that is yeah, I mean doctors. You get there and they're just gonna make you wait an hour anyways, so they're very disrespectful of our time, but communication is key.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because that was our dynamic in our family.
Speaker 1:My one brother is like notorious for that the closest one to me in age where, like we have this ongoing joke that like we wait for josh because he's somewhere clipping his nails, like he's always the last one in the vehicle whenever we're going. Where we left him at home once we were going to church, so it wasn't a big deal, but like yeah, he my dad was like no, I told him, if he wasn't in the car by this time, we're leaving. So we left and he was old enough to be home alone, but slightly not old enough to be left alone.
Speaker 3:Probably had a great time. Oh, he probably had the best day. I was like what Can I stay home? No, we're going to church.
Speaker 1:Damn, it Should have been slower. Yeah, I think there are certain situations's the give and the take, right. I think some people have too much anxiety around it where it's just like take a breath and so much of that. I've like seen some content around like so much of that being connected to western culture, schooling, where it's like that's what schooling did to us you had to be there before the bell, otherwise you were getting in trouble. So that's that's the anxiety side of it for so many people. Or it's like if you weren't there then you got detention. Like that was very much drilled into you for so many years going to school yeah, we're like yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Well, we used to run in that all the time with a former employee mate work did you just person?
Speaker 4:you had to just travel to fucking down under what's the word you might?
Speaker 3:what's the word for co-worker?
Speaker 1:there it is um anything yeah, co-worker, literally anything but what I said. I got nothing for you.
Speaker 3:We're not I respect the search for two words to do it, though.
Speaker 1:You got there y'all knew what I was saying anyway he would always show a bluey episode for some you weren't mad about it
Speaker 1:no uh but he was like 7 30 be there every single day. Where dave and I were a little bit more lax. We were coming from a situation where we worked together so we didn't care what time we got on site, we were gonna get there and work. But he was always there at the same time every single day and he would say something to us. But we're like it doesn't matter when you show up, it's how much you work.
Speaker 4:When you get to work, man like just chill smoke breaks, and we wouldn't take smoke breaks, man nothing pisses me off more than working with a smoker honestly take notes, smokers if you're a smoker and you're listening to this, you're a stupid piece of shit. We still love you we love you.
Speaker 3:Thank you, it was interesting that you brought that up because with the taking kids places, because tonight I was taking my son and his buddy to the Nerf Wars things that they were going to wait but I wasn't tell me more.
Speaker 1:That's a thing.
Speaker 3:I wasn't too concerned about timing getting there. So on the way home Ben was like hey, you, you told us that you didn't tell us we were gonna be late. And I was like no, I thought you'd get there on time or whatever. And he was like yeah, you weren't using, like, your hurry up voice, right?
Speaker 3:and I was like yeah, because I was just being chill, because I didn't really care, like we didn't, it didn't matter, right. And he was like oh, but it was like when he said you didn't use, like your, hurry up voice.
Speaker 1:I was like I have a hurry up voice. Like what does my hurry up voice sound like?
Speaker 3:But just that like level of like. Like do we have to go Like, yeah, I mean we can go, or like hey guys, like we got to go, like are we?
Speaker 1:going now, or are we?
Speaker 3:waiting around Like are you going to get moving? Like, cause, I'm definitely like, if there was a recorder recording yourself, how often would you see yourself acting like that and be like, oh, what an asshole. Yeah, oh, why do you do that?
Speaker 2:I'm annoyed by myself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, how often would you be annoyed by yourself, do you think?
Speaker 4:Wow, 110% of the time yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting how, when you take the opposite posture with your kids, how they can take on wanting to be there and wanting to lead too, where there's like certain things.
Speaker 1:So we've just noticed it a bit with uh church, because we're not necessarily rushing to get there. Like that's something that, megan, I took on with this. It's a 20 minute drive, so we're like, listen, we're not going to stress about being on time for this. Plus, sunday mornings are sunday mornings. There are lazy mornings, but it's gotten to the point where we're so lax that now murph's the one like at the front being like come on guys.
Speaker 1:I want to get there I want to go see my friends and she's the one kind of pushing us out the door. I'm like I wonder how can we twist this into school how?
Speaker 4:can we make this?
Speaker 1:turn mentality from Monday to Friday. If we figure it out, I'll let you know.
Speaker 2:But any new parents out there, if you're doing anything with your kids, just know that it's going to take way longer than it's supposed to. Yeah, it doesn't matter what it is, just go to the grocery store. Ain't no ways for that?
Speaker 4:I brought no, I'm taking the respect. Yeah, do it I brought both kids to four stores last night. Okay to, and on a whim it was. My daughter asked if we could go to the dollar store so she could get crayons and my son was like, well, you have to earn it. And then they did dishes and the thing, and I was like I respect it.
Speaker 4:Do we need anything? We need something from the thing. And then while we were out, once we went to a dollar store Grocery store didn't have everything. I had to go to the other grocery store and then the LCBO to celebrate. But sorry, when I take the kids out I play a game called garbage, garbage can, garbage driver.
Speaker 1:It's your game, don't ask us.
Speaker 4:I was asking myself Okay, garbage truck driver.
Speaker 1:Anyways, phone a friend.
Speaker 4:Mate we. The whole concept of the game is the kids ride on the side of the cart like a garbage can. Oh, nice and when we get to the aisle I say garbage and I stopped the cart and they run an imaginary grab stuff off the shelves the garbage and they bring it back to the cart.
Speaker 4:I like that great game so it started at costco and now it goes to every single thing. But there's one grocery store in town that has like a attract, it's like the shopping cart, but it's a tractor nice. And it has like the steering wheels in it nice. So both kids sit in the steering wheel thing my daughter's way too big for it, but she crams her body into there. That's adorable and then they, we, they tell me where to go, and I steer the thing so everybody's watching us do that, play this game, and my son will kind of do this.
Speaker 4:So I shake the cart and then he's laughing. She's like no, no, no, go left, and I'll like drive it in intentionally into like one of the things and stuff. So, anyways, we're playing this game and playing this game, and then I fucking forgot where I was going with this takes longer or it doesn't take you yeah, so, uh, we were supposed to go to the dollar store and I was gone for an inordinate amount of time.
Speaker 2:We were late for dinner when we got home.
Speaker 4:And my wife couldn't figure out like where she's. Like wait a second. Like you got all the stuff and you went to the thing and there's bags here and you got this, did you go to? Did you go? And you went to the LCBO, like you took the kids all over the place and I was like like she does it all the time. You know what I'm saying, yeah, yeah, and I again I can't. I don't know where I was going with this story my, my kids are definitely.
Speaker 2:They behave differently with me when we're out than they do if they were just out with mom. Yeah, I can see. So it's it's easier for me than it is for her, you think? So, yeah, like my kids, just kind of like follow me around and I just like cruise with my wife. It's like it sounds like it's a completely different situation based on the stories I'm hearing. Yeah, they just give her a hard time so it ends up taking a long time for yeah psychologists say it's because they love her more.
Speaker 1:But I don't think they just say that to the parent to make them feel better.
Speaker 3:Maybe it's more dependent on it is weird sometimes when there are things that are sometimes easier to do with the kids without your spouse. Yeah, yeah, um, like, sometimes even just like getting them ready to go out, like there's just, there are little aspects of things that we just I don't know if it's.
Speaker 3:But yeah, and I don't know if there's just some care if we, even as parents, act differently when the spouse is involved as well or not. Maybe, but sometimes it's just a lot easier when you just can do it on your own. Why do I?
Speaker 1:it feels weird to say it feels like we're tiptoeing around some stuff here. No, it is true though, and I wonder too if it's.
Speaker 4:Not me. I love you so much I would be lost. Without you I can't do anything unless you're there.
Speaker 1:But so Meg and I have talked about this with bedtimes. So she just hates bedtimes and I don't know what it is, and she's trying to figure out what it is for herself?
Speaker 4:Is it bedtime or is it the teeth brushing?
Speaker 1:It's like the whole yeah, the bedtimes, like the whole setup, like, yeah, teeth brushing, getting your pajamas on the books, the whole thing. Because, I hate bath time.
Speaker 4:I wash, I would wash Right, I would rash dishes.
Speaker 3:That's what I was going to say Wash dishes I would dishes?
Speaker 4:yeah, I will walk. I would choose to wash dishes over bathing and I don't know what it is. That's fair and I don't. Robin doesn't like doing the whole tooth brushing thing. Okay, um, but I I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that part, but the lay downs, I love lay downs yeah, for me, for whatever reasons, the whole thing like I shouldn't say she's not like crawling out of her skin the whole time. But she just doesn't enjoy it where it's like. There's nights where I'm going out and she has to do both. It's a bit of a thing for her. She's like man, I got to do both. She doesn't give me that that was a misrepresentation, but um, for me I don't care.
Speaker 1:Like bedtimes are easy, like for me they brush their teeth and then we read books immediately like it's not a huge deal, and I think there's an element of uh, when I'm at work most days and you maybe don't see the kids quite as much, that becomes kind of your special time with the kids, to be able to connect with them. So I think there's an element of that as well that plays into it. But we've just talked about it about like yeah, and she just made a comment because I was leaving for like the second night in a row, that I was going to be gone for bedtimes, um, and she had made a comment that was just kind of like a passing, like shitty, that I have to do this again. And when I got home she ended up apologizing me like sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad with that, it's just when it was the second night in a row. I totally get it, totally get it. I didn't take anything from it.
Speaker 1:But she's like man, I don't know why I have such a hard time with it like there's been gone for several nights in a row and I encourage her to go out and like I don't care because it's just bedtimes, but I think it is. There's a part of that with you. If you are doing this parenting thing with a partner, figuring out the things that each of you are okay with doing, and if there's things that your partner doesn't like doing, see if you can kind of lean into certain things that I don't know you strive to be better at or you are already naturally good at, and then you can carry the load for those things.
Speaker 4:You should do it on purpose and make them do it even more, maybe.
Speaker 3:Well, I can't even imagine what it would be like in a divorce situation where you have different routines. Even Like when you're with mom, the routine is one way. When you're with dad, your routine is a different way, whether it's like bedtime or breakfast or dinner, like all those things. I don't know how that.
Speaker 4:I don't know how you would navigate that I have a much more of like, a you're on your own type of approach than my wife. Okay, so like with the teeth brushing, it's like brush your own damn teeth we're not brushing your teeth but like my wife is like she wants to know that her, like the kids's, teeth are brushed, so she will brush their teeth Right. I'm like I'm not doing it, don't care, not doing it, not brushing your teeth.
Speaker 4:So your teeth are probably going to get plaque on them. They're going to go green and fall out of your head and they're like that doesn't? That doesn't. Fear is not enough for them to brush their teeth, don't care sorry for your luck.
Speaker 1:You will care what the dentist I'm a toothbrush.
Speaker 2:I brush my kids teeth like every night.
Speaker 4:But I don't have a bedtime routine like I, so it's not in me instinctually to be like okay, well, it's time to start getting them pjs on. I'm like a I'm awake until I'm not, and then I just wander to where I'm sleeping I take my clothes off on my way there and when I land, I fall asleep okay that's how. That's how it is, yeah, and so I find it weird that people have routines like my wife has a whole oh, you mean as an adult yes, yes, as a.
Speaker 4:Thing but, then it's like it kind of starts as the kids though I would imagine, right, Like you're going to want to do these things, whereas me I'm just like no, like I'll sleep standing up, and then all of a sudden be like I need to fucking go to bed, and then I stumble, and then I gear down and then go to bed. Yeah, carry on. So I'm not good in that situation. If my wife and I get divorced, my kids are I don't know. I'm going to have to go searching for them in the morning to find out where that's at.
Speaker 1:It sounds like they're going to have to go searching for you.
Speaker 4:No, you know where to find me. I'm in my spot because I'm very routine in that sense.
Speaker 1:Right, you'll land in the same place.
Speaker 4:Just follow the trail of clothes I'll get there eventually.
Speaker 3:That's a fair point Now.
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Speaker 3:They're innovative, yep, and they're informative, and they got a great deck stars webinar that you can watch with uh freaking frack over there, yeah they've got a nice updated app as well, oh, they do um, where you can get a lot of information on how to build it, warranty information and, as a contractor, you can start collecting reward points as well with your purchases and these reward points can be um brought in for like one of their telesteps, ladders and all of that jazz. So they've got like a cool little system that they put together, yep.
Speaker 4:You want to know. Something really like this is how I know that the, the marketing's, works. You can tell Joe, jacqueline and Andrew that this is working. My neighbor listens to the podcast Shout out to.
Speaker 1:Howie Yep.
Speaker 4:And today we were sitting there and I have ripped my old railing off and wrapped my posts. So the aluminum, Yep and Howie's like well, you need to throw some Regal railing up on there.
Speaker 3:Are you going to replace the old stuff with a Regal railing?
Speaker 1:I was like kind of proud of him that he knew I'm like you know what a Regal railing is you can get it at home hardware.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1:So I mean it's working I'm working.
Speaker 4:We got one, all right boom that's all that matters.
Speaker 1:Well, brett walker number one fan.
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Speaker 3:I'd say the lower end and then. So from Urban Rail to the Regal 123 would be not quite double the price, okay, but Urban Rail is definitely that much less expensive. And then to get to Crystal Rail from the Regal one, two, three is, like I'd say, at least three times, maybe even more. Okay, it's a very premium product, um, but it you get what you pay for with it, because it is just stunning it lights up between you and the view, the entire sheet of glass.
Speaker 2:If you haven't seen it before, it's pretty beautiful yeah postless and railess railing system lovely, gorgeous, gorgeous by regal ideas.
Speaker 3:I mean it was a bit of a shitty ad reads, but like we're really grateful to have companies that uh help support this and people.
Speaker 4:The patreons are just the best in the business, if you ask me.
Speaker 3:So that's where it's at the patreons, the instagram, the comments we've been getting on videos the messages from people, the DMs. I haven't checked Spotify to see if people have been commenting on the episodes on there or not, but just thank you for being a part of what we're doing here and YouTube too.
Speaker 4:People are watching it Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, people are watching it. It's so weird. It is weird when you just post something on there.
Speaker 1:It is weird when you just post something on there and then you come back. You're like whoa and I think the neat thing for us is it's happening Like we're creating the community that we wanted to create. That's what we set out to do when we set out to do this back in 2020. It's like, hey, we were listening to the hey Dad podcast and it was like we can do that. We can chat about being parents. What's the hey Dad?
Speaker 4:That's where this kind of sparked. Oh, that was the name of it.
Speaker 2:That was the podcast we totally ripped off their idea.
Speaker 1:Well, they gave up, so we just took the torch and ran with it.
Speaker 2:There's no original ideas anymore. No, it's true, you're always ripping off somebody.
Speaker 1:one way or another. But yeah, I mean, I think it's just cool. We all learned that this parenting thing is hard pretty quickly.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we wanted to create a community that was just supportive, that was talking specifically to dads, but I think we're learning that any parent or anybody who has any kind of being that they're taking care of needs support. So I think the fact that we are actually doing this, we're actually creating community that is supportive of each other, that wants to jump into the comments, that wants to be the first one to throw it a DM because they want to be involved, it's just the realization that, okay, we're not alone in this. We're all parenting that, parents that are just struggling through this. So if we can kind of laugh together and we can find a way to pick each other up when we need it, why not do that? And it was just giving people an avenue to do it through.
Speaker 3:Before you were a parent, would you?
Speaker 1:have considered yourself a patient person dude I just found a spot on my plantar fasciitis. Oh my god, it felt so good. Oh my god, yes, just summed up in a moment.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, I feel like I was more patient than I before, right, or I lost my patience less, yeah, right, but I think I have overall.
Speaker 3:I have more patience now than I used to, but like it was something I was thinking about like, as far as like, is it a skill you can grow? Because, like I was trying to think of like how do we sum up this conversation? And it was like having patience and taking time with your kids, right conversation. It was like having patience and taking time with your kids, right, but how? Somebody who's either about to have a kid or has a young kid right now and isn't quite into that stage, or somebody who's finding themselves like I don't know how I could ever talk like that to my kid because I just don't have the bandwidth for that. Is patience, a skill that you can exercise.
Speaker 2:It's a necessity Work at to grow better at it's constant.
Speaker 4:You have to practice it.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you have to want to practice it. I think that's a good point to make, too, right, like we've talked about that a lot on here. But, like being a good parent, you have to be intentional about it. You have to want to be good at it. So I think patience is one of those big things that, like you, have to want to be patient with your kids in order to practice it but you also have to have a sense of awareness in those moments where you lack patience, yeah.
Speaker 4:So there has to be a little bit of a reminder there, so that you're like present in the moment. You're heated and you want to fucking blow a gasket or use your impatient dad voice or whatever it is, but then be like nope. This is one of those moments where I need to practice this right now, yeah, the self-awareness right.
Speaker 1:You either have to have incredible self-awareness or a partner that you're doing it with that you have an excellent communication with.
Speaker 4:I don't, I don't think that's necessary to be honest, with no disrespect to the partners, but like I think there are some there, there are dads, solo dads out there, or solo parents out there that want to be present and they're able to do it and I think I think to not take credit away from them, I think they're.
Speaker 4:It's just a matter of how bad do you want it? Yeah, and if you're doing it for the right reasons and you're you're actively trying, then I think you just need to like, have that awareness but it definitely helps to have a podcast like this to listen to totally at least make you feel like you're not alone when you are losing your shit out there.
Speaker 2:But also to like talk about things like what type of parent you want to be. Yeah, those things, those types of conversations, are important, I think, and it just like there is no right or wrong.
Speaker 4:Like parenting, yeah, it just sometimes feels nice to not be alone and like not like everyone feels like a failure when they're parenting at one point or another. Oh yeah, and so I think that clicks and helps for specifically new parents, because new parents are like. What I have found is they are kind of so focused on their ecosystem and they play this comparison game like, oh, my siblings are my best friend, or like they seem to always have their shit together, but behind closed doors they're fucking melting and they're having their own little thing. And then we just come on here and spit verbal diarrhea with a little bit of vulnerability and they're like, yes, like finally, that's what I was kind of. I've just wanted to know that I wasn't going crazy. So, not going crazy, you're just a parent and you give a shit.
Speaker 3:And this is what normal is for you now and this is what normal is for you now, yeah, Because I was almost wondering if they can challenge yourself to do exercise patience outside of time with your kids. No more challenges.
Speaker 3:Because, we're in a very head down society. Yeah, how often are you rushing through the door instead of holding it open for somebody else to go through first? How often are you trying to get ahead of that person to pay at the teller driving before they do? Yeah, get ahead of the person that's driving in front of you. Where how can you exercise patience in that way? Let somebody go first and slow your world down outside of the house, so that way, when you're in those moments. Then you can slow yourself down.
Speaker 4:I don't know if it does translate, because I'm a very patient person per person, um, outside of the house, inside of the house, I'm super irritable and I don't know if it's because I, like, I want to wind down or like in certain, I just like the time frame doesn't let me, or do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:like sometimes I don't feel like noise or like any of those certain things, so I just yeah I think you're tested in ways that nowhere else tests, like you didn't even know you didn't even know those triggers existed and all of a sudden personal right, yeah very much in your face and attacking you, but it's that awareness, that's like, yeah, when you're, when you're thinking, then you're like, and you're like shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2:Then you're just kind of like why did I do that?
Speaker 4:yeah, why did I? Why did that bother me so much? It's that reflection that most people don't do. Yeah, they just like they just fly off the handle and then it's like.
Speaker 1:You know, then they're just like that's the way it is and like I can't fucking you know what I'm saying there isn't that?
Speaker 4:there isn't that kind of reflection on the same time, like like they're just living their lives, bro, like they're just, they're just doing it, they're doing everything you want them to do and more. They're so happy sometimes totally and you come in and just shit all over everything.
Speaker 1:Maybe a slight tangent here, but I think it is an interesting direction to go with this um. So, uh, some of our wives are reading a book in a book club and one of the subjects that just came up and it was anger, um, and how that affected the household growing up is what they ended up discussing and it correlated really well with Meg going to therapy and talking in that session about, about anger and about emotions and how those moments happen so often, and I think you touched on it really well, mark, there about awareness and being able to visit it for yourself to realize why you're getting angry and why you're going through those different emotions. But I found it interesting to bring up just from a dad perspective, because what they found in those talks with a bunch of different women was there was this dynamic that lived in a lot of houses where dad was allowed to be angry and nobody else was allowed, where dad, dad, the dad character in these households everybody would be walking on eggshells because they don't want dad to fly off the handle. But it just meant nobody else was allowed to be angry. But there just became this dynamic that okay, why is he allowed to be angry and nobody else is allowed to be.
Speaker 1:And anger got labeled as this bad emotion where, as soon as that started to show in the kids, it was shut down immediately. No, you can't be angry, that's a bad emotion, stuff that away. It was shut down immediately. No, you can't be angry, that's a bad emotion, stuff that away. But then they have this representation that is angry most of the time and it just creates this very confusing dynamic in kids. So I think that awareness is so huge in realizing what are the things in your life that you aren't regulating properly, and that's why, like those, those self-reflection moments and being able to step back and look at yourself and realize, okay, what are the things that I may be not modeling properly or what are the things that I can do better at to be able to work on, are so important.
Speaker 4:But being able to communicate those things with your kids too, is very important because they they look up to you and idolize you and you do have those brief moments of you know lashing out or telling them no or or what you know, whatever, like don't fucking bite my arm all the time kid or like whatever, it is for me super important to a shown the vulnerability, but also just like it helps kind of get it off of your chest when you've reflected back and you're like I wonder the thing you have that talk with them like hey, I just want to let you know I don't feel good about how I just spoke to you right there and it's not something that I'm super proud of and I just want you to know that, like I, I love you and I'm really sorry that, um, you know, I I spoke in a really loud voice because I know that, like hey, I love you and I'm really sorry that, um, you know, I I spoke in a really loud voice Cause I know that it can be kind of scary when dad speaks like that, right, and then just listen to what they like, what they say, yeah, actively listen, because they're going to tell you those thoughts that they're feeling and things.
Speaker 4:And they'll say like the weirdest shit will come out. You know what else is really scary dad.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you fart really loud when you're and you're like I will work on that yeah, I will work on that. Sorry, I was waiting. Uh, we were doing a that push-up recently, yeah, and I was on like I was exhausted. I was like basically done for the day. I had like 10 more to do, okay, and like when I'm doing pushups, if someone's talking to me, my pushups are hard, like it's harder to do pushups than I'd be.
Speaker 2:I hear that so like my son is standing right in front of me. I'm trying to do my last 10 push-ups and I'm just like stressing because he's like trying to tell me something and I'm like stop talking. And I'm like I just like I told him to stop talking and like immediately I could see his face just drop and he like turns quietly and walks away. I'm like, oh shit, like just the way that I said it, right, so I, I stopped what I was doing and I went to him. I'm like dude, I am sorry that I said that that Right, so I stopped what I was doing and I went to him. I'm like, dude, I am sorry that I said that that way. I'm like you have to understand what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:Pushups it's really hard and I am very stressed, like I, it's very difficult for me to do and I have to focus all of my attention on that. I'm sorry that, like anyway, anyway, I was able to like repair right, right away, thankfully, right, um, but just, it's like he, he like his, the look on his face, I won't forget it, but it's just like it broke his heart.
Speaker 4:but yeah, I was he's probably gonna correct your form yeah, my form is okay.
Speaker 2:I was working on my form the whole time there, you go.
Speaker 3:I was going to say that I had a moment with my son and I can't remember what it was about, but I was using a very serious voice with him. It was something that happened where it was. You need to know this right now. And I said to him don't confuse the tone that I'm using for thinking that you're in trouble like you're not in trouble. I'm saying it like this because I need you to hear me when I'm saying this like this is very important life thing right now that you need to know and understand that.
Speaker 3:I forget what it was like. We don't do this or we do this. It was a very pointed thing, but I made sure to say it sounds like my angry voice, but this isn't my angry voice. This is an important voice. You're not in trouble. I'm not yelling at you. You're not in trouble here. But we need to understand what we're talking about.
Speaker 4:I had probably one of the most embarrassing things happen to me over the weekend. Um, based on that, like I wasn't paying attention at all and I only heard my wife say, like I've asked you before, and then I fucking came in hot like okay I don't know what they were talking about, but apparently it wasn't that serious he's coming in full defense and I was like I, mom's, asked you three fucking times I didn't say fucking, I was like the thing.
Speaker 4:And my daughter was like, standing there like this, and my son like looked up at me and I look over robin's, just like what the fuck is your problem?
Speaker 1:and then I was like she said it she was like what the fuck is your problem?
Speaker 4:and I was like I was like what just what happened? Like what the thing? Like I'm coming to you. She's like I asked for like to put the fucking towels away or something. And then I was like she didn't ignore you. She's like no, she fucking nodded at me. I'm staring right at her. I was like Read the room bro Read the room. Do you need a massage?
Speaker 3:or anything or like. Is there Anything else I can do to help my bad, my bad.
Speaker 4:You need some money, yeah.
Speaker 1:Is there anything.
Speaker 3:I can do here. Let's go to the dollar store, just do the slow exit. Yeah, just walk back out of the room, the Homer Simpson into the bushes. But I was like damn, that's where you need to send the men in black gift. Yeah, can we just forget this moment?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think those moments are so important that you guys are sharing about there right, like being able to have a moment of high emotion because we're allowed to have those. Like we are dealing with stress. We are dealing with a lot of stuff. You're gonna get angry at your kids. You are not gonna go through your entire parenting career without getting angry at them. If you do, there's something probably wrong with you so, but it's sorry to interrupt.
Speaker 4:No it's also important to realize the generation that we're in. Rob and I just had this conversation, like she said, like how come when we yell, they don't listen? And my response was because they respect us, that they don't fear us. Yeah, like we used to fear our parents. So when they yelled it was like oh shit, and we don't get that reaction in my house when I yell and it's because I like to think that they respect you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, feel safe there's no fear, there, right there is zero fear, but when we need them to listen, when we're out in public, when we're at the grocery store with the things, like they listen and we don't have to ask them, like you know you're in a fucking thing. So it's just really important to kind of like not just focus on the moments that you're heated and stressed, like they never fucking listened to me.
Speaker 4:Like really try to think outside the box too. Like odds are you're doing a pretty good job, yeah, unless you beat them or something, then you're an asshole. Yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 1:Yes, you're probably not listening to our podcast.
Speaker 4:I mean, I also wanted to share that.
Speaker 1:I had the same moment that you have with Leo, with Meg, although Although it's with an adult, so I could be a little bit more pointed with it. Yeah, straight up. So doing push-ups, and it happened several times that I didn't say anything and finally it was similar Hold on For the listener.
Speaker 4:they did a push-up competition, we did. We don't just prioritize push-ups over everything in this household.
Speaker 1:It's true, we were doing 2,000 push-ups in 18 days.
Speaker 4:There. It is Very hard things, so it was part of the thing.
Speaker 1:Yes, so it was near the end it was probably one of the last days and similar. I had like 10 left and Meg just starts going and like asking questions. I got up to the top and I was like, seriously, she's like what. I'm like, can you not see what I'm doing? She just started laughing, so I finish them out.
Speaker 2:I'm like you don't even realize how many times you've done that, do you like? No, I think when it goes quiet I feel like I need to fill this up. But why is it so hard? I don't. For me it is, I get distracted.
Speaker 1:That's the thing with. Yeah, like I'm so focused, I need to focus yeah the technique that when I start thinking about responses to what she's saying, that I'm like it just gets harder or like sometimes my kids would like put their hand on my back when I'm doing.
Speaker 2:It doesn't add any weight at all, but all of a sudden it feels way harder.
Speaker 3:I'm just like leave me alone.
Speaker 4:I can't do this today, robin and I were working from home and I did the. I did the thing that I always tell the listeners to do and say, like, what is it that you need from me, right?
Speaker 2:now and it completely backfired on me.
Speaker 4:I don't. Well, how did you? What tone did you use? That's what I'm, that's what I'm getting at.
Speaker 3:What do you need from me? Right now? The tone is very, very important.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so like, so like, whether you're doing push-ups or work or whatever. But like my wife doesn't work in an office, she works directly from home. So now I'm inadvertently working for this company because I'm involved in all the gossip I don't know anything about the concepts or how complicated things are, what I don't know, the back end of half of the shit that makes her mad, yeah, but I'm supposed to be just as mad and frustrated, but whoever nicole is, fuck nicole, because she doesn't fucking do her ccps properly or whatever, and like what does she even do it.
Speaker 4:I don't know yeah and so I don't give a fuck about any of it. And I had three emails come up that all were like small fires I had to put out Okay, so I'm like, I'm like, okay, but I'm okay. And then okay, and then those bruise were all emails. And then this is the sound of my wife and I'm going uh. So I just closed my laptop and I looked right at her and I just said, sorry, it isn't going well, right, I just said I did.
Speaker 1:So now I'm realizing it now.
Speaker 4:So I closed my laptop, I go what is it that you need from me right now? Do you want me just to listen, or do you want me to solve all your problems and she goes. You did not do what you tell the listeners to do, to listen, or do you want me to solve all your problems?
Speaker 1:So you didn't just say you did not do what you tell the listeners to do. Technically I did. Technically I did. It started there.
Speaker 4:The correct words we took a hard left we were fine and we apologized, but I will apologize again when I get home.
Speaker 3:I thought about it.
Speaker 4:It doesn't always work though.
Speaker 3:Just letting you know tone is very very important You're trying, you're learning, you know, you try again and you're like it's just taking some at bats.
Speaker 4:There, you know practice patience, you got to practice everything Right after that happened I saw a video, yep that I wanted to send her, yep, um, because, like whenever we have like those weird things, I just randomly have to poo. So I always go to the the toilet it's a nervous poop, that's totally.
Speaker 1:It's a sphincter.
Speaker 4:But anyways, this thing it was like behind every husband that talks to everybody is a wife that hates everybody.
Speaker 3:It's like the guy walking around and he's talking, and then he walks and the wife's just sitting there like this.
Speaker 4:I wanted to send it to her. So bad, so bad Timing is equally as important. We were able to get over that hump because I didn't send that meme.
Speaker 1:And that is 14 years of experience. Sometimes you don't send the video.
Speaker 3:Just don't send it, if you gotta send it to somebody.
Speaker 4:Send it to Dave or the podcast. We can be that person for you, save yourself. This is true.
Speaker 1:Well, my one brother is like notorious for that the closest one to me in age where like we have this ongoing joke that like we wait for josh because he's somewhere clipping his nails, like he's always the last one in the vehicle whenever we're going where we left him at home once we were going to church, so it wasn't a big deal, but like yeah, he my dad was like no, I told him if he wasn't in the car by this time we're leaving. So we left and he was old enough to be home alone, but slightly not old enough to be left alone.
Speaker 3:Probably had a great time. Oh, he probably had the best day. I was like what can I stay home? No, we're going to church.
Speaker 1:Damn, it should have been slower.