The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
Join us on this journey of fatherhood, and subscribe to "The Real Dad Podcast" today!
The Real Dad Podcast
The Dance of Household Duties
Ever wonder how other parents manage to juggle it all without dropping the ball? You're not alone. This candid conversation peels back the curtain on the messy reality of sharing household duties while raising kids.
We kick things off exploring family game nights—from the joy of "Hurry Up Chicken Butt" to the frustration of kids making up their own rules. ("No, you can't just take the shortcut without landing on the golden spot!") These moments of connection become vital anchors in family life, though we all agree: learn the game before teaching your kids, or prepare for chaos.
The conversation shifts to one of parenting's biggest challenges: introducing a new baby to existing children. We share personal stories of how our older kids met their siblings, with one crucial piece of advice standing out—always give attention to the older child first when bringing home a baby, as they're the ones who'll remember that moment.
Most revealing is our deep dive into household responsibilities. We examine how mental load affects relationships, why reminders become contentious ("If I have to remind you, I'm still carrying the mental load"), and how work schedules inevitably dictate who handles which tasks. There's a raw honesty when we discuss therapy insights about the impossibility of giving 100% in all areas of life simultaneously.
Whether you're drowning in laundry, forgetting garbage day, or trying to decode your partner's needs, this episode offers both comfort and practical wisdom for navigating the beautiful mess of family life.
Do you guys have like designated 100% roles, like you are 100% doing this every time Grocery shopping? I don't do any of that. If I do, I'm coming home with butter tarts Exactly. That's not good for anyone. Powder donuts, actually.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty good at grocery shopping, but she hates it when I grocery shop because I don't get like any. I miss things because I just won't write down a list, and then I don't get any of those things because I'm too cheap and then she gets angry that she doesn't have snacks.
Speaker 3:So she just doesn't let me do it anymore, she needs her snacks welcome to the real dad podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm Dave and one of my current favorite family fun games nights games is Hurry Up Chicken Butt.
Speaker 2:Wow, Hurry Up Chicken Butt new age. It's a fun game. Don't know that game. I'm Joey and I'm going to go a little bit more nostalgic because we haven't had family game nights yet with my household Household, In my household. I mean off to mean great start guys, but one that I'm looking forward to for family game night is monopoly, because love that cut throat.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a great game. I'm brian and, uh, one of my favorite games to play with my family is texas. Hold them. They put their no, I just kidding.
Speaker 2:I was really interested to see how you incorporated that in the game. They have to put all of their allowance money in the pot and I get a chance to win it back. That's a great idea actually.
Speaker 3:No, the only game we really played all together is this Avengers game, and I got a bit of a gripe with the game because there's a loophole, where there's like a spot where, in my mind in order to take the shortcut- route you need to land on that spot, the golden spot, but they just take it no matter what number they like, it's like if you roll the dice right, say it's, the spot is five spots away, but they roll a six. They take the the route and I'm like no, you can't do that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I'm like I, I protest every time I play the game.
Speaker 1:I think that's a fair protest.
Speaker 3:I'm always way behind because I play it the proper way but I never win.
Speaker 1:It's like snakes and ladders. If you have to land on the ladder, exactly. That's the exact same concept so it's it's bullshit playing games with kids can be frustrating, oh especially early on you have to be in the right mindset. And my parental tip to you if you are going to try and teach your kids a new game, just learn the game first. Don't try and learn it and read instructions as you go with them. Learn it so that you can teach it to them.
Speaker 3:But you could have really stubborn kids where it doesn't matter how well you know the game, they think that you don't know shit.
Speaker 2:They just want to make up their own for like this is how the game's played, I feel like we watched that play out in real time at the cottages here with meg and murph and that like monster building game, she tried to do it at the kitchen table no, that's the one that fucked us up.
Speaker 1:Okay, there you go.
Speaker 2:So it's a very complex game apparently because yeah meg tried to learn it with murph there ended up just throwing the rules to the side and they just built these little monsters just for fun babies or something. Yeah, some weird game yeah, you draw cards and you get different parts of the creature and you have to build it.
Speaker 1:But hurry up chicken butt is a great game. I think your kids would love it. Okay, so there's three different color cards and a round has all the cards up and they all have different things you have to do. So then, if you roll like blue, you have to like run around the circle of people quacking like a duck, and then you sit down and pass it to the next person.
Speaker 1:So it's like hot potato because there's a thing going. One of them is pink and that's the hurry up chicken butts. You hide this chicken butt in the room somewhere and you have to get up, run over, hit the chicken butt and come back and pass it on. So you're playing hot potato, but with absolutely silly, goofy things along in the way. So it's just fun and then, like, you can have eliminations, or you can just play it till you get bored or a kid gets angry, and then you can stop then.
Speaker 2:So it's a very easy and fun game to play together I love those are two things that I want to become non-negotiables that, as I'm saying, this, I'm realizing should already be in place anyways um yeah, I want to have family game night as a non-negotiable yeah, that's a fletcher obvious, as like those and date night with my wife, like those two things, and it's just the frequency.
Speaker 2:I guess that's why it hasn't become a regular thing for us yet, because hecticness of life and young kids. But it's like we're also, I think, almost at that point where it's like, nope, we're running out of excuses to not make this a thing right. Or it's like my kids are five and eight now, like they can start to get. We do play games with them and we have lots of little board games. So I think I do want to start initiating that.
Speaker 1:It's just a frequency thing, yeah, my advice would be to not like push it too hard. Oh, the game night, just yeah, like if there's a day that's off, don't force it right the same way that you wouldn't like force your kid into like something, because then it's just going to be a bad experience and they're not gonna be in the right mood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they do yeah, that's fair and I think that's like, uh, because we do want to get like meg and I have talked about it, my wife meg um about like having sunday night be our, like figure out meals for the week, but like start incorporating the kids and that stuff and like giving them options for where they want meals, and then maybe it's queuing that up at that point too. Or it's like all right, what night should be family game night this week? Like what do you guys think should we do this night, this night? And then that way they kind of have it in their heads too, that's queued up for them and it's something that hopefully they look forward to. I guess that's up to meg and I to make it something they look forward to and not something they dread.
Speaker 1:Yeah I can definitely see that in our family's future like we have game nights.
Speaker 1:It's not like predetermined, like every wednesday is right it's just every now and then we'll do a game together, um, but we've gotten into more fun games too. So like we have a harry potter clue, so it's like clue, but it's a different board so there's different places, and then everything's Harry Potter themed. So my daughter's been reading the books recently, so she's really been into it, so that was fun to play. You just have to play it really dumb as an adult, otherwise you can figure it all out because the kids are not good at hiding things.
Speaker 1:Especially my youngest, who's turning eight. She's like oh, I have one of those. And you're like oh, you're not supposed to say anything. I showed him that girl like oh, now it just gives it all away, so you just have to play it ignorant, yeah, as if you'd only get the clues from the cards that you see, okay, and not add in things, otherwise you'll just smash the kids.
Speaker 2:Don't run anything else out, but you got to insert some kind of fun. I think like that's one thing, like we talk about it so often, how it can be so draining being a parent and doing life. So I think, inserting fun into your family, however you can, I think for me and I think for us. I think we all kind of came from that similar enjoying game nights with our siblings. Yeah, um, that's just an easy way that I see to be able to do that, because it is just so important to just laugh with your kids and laugh with your family and remember, like oh right, like we're enjoying life together, do you need to do that For sure?
Speaker 1:What were the three games we would play? We called it taking over the world. It was. Canasta, Canasta, Monopoly and what was the third game?
Speaker 2:Gambler.
Speaker 1:I don't think that was the one risk, I don't know. So when joe's brother josh had gone off to university might have been dutch blitz it's a great game. Yeah, when joe's brother josh went to university and joy and I were living at home with joe's parents, we would play games, the three of us all the time, and we were like do you want to take over the world?
Speaker 1:like yes, let's do it, and we had three games that we would play like one, two and three. It was so much fun. One parenting hack that my wife and I have started doing when we take the kids out for dinner is bringing cards with us. So we either bring like a deck of cards or uno and we'll play uno while you're waiting for food to come. It makes things go so much smoother and so much faster because you're like actively killing time. I find like the crayons and the little coloring sheets they give them are gone in seconds. Um, the kids get bored with them.
Speaker 2:They're the same especially when you're returning to a restaurant you've been before? Yeah, exactly just don't even want anything to do with them anymore. If you have a, toddler, you're screwed.
Speaker 3:Anyway. So yeah, just hang on for dear life don't go out for dinner, that's your parenting act exactly with coop.
Speaker 2:Last time we went because we went this weekend out to swishalay, um and murph brought a book and coop just bought a new like dinosaur toy so he brought his toy and we let him bring it in. And then murph brought her book and he was playing quietly with his dinosaurs and murph was reading and meg and I looked at each other and we're just like what, what do we? What's happening? What?
Speaker 3:do we do? This is weird. Kids reading is the best. Get a round of shots for the table yeah, I love that murph's a reader.
Speaker 2:It's dangerous. Like I don't want it to become something where she isolates too much with it, like that's my only worry with it, I guess she's so social, she's such a social kid, so it's not a huge thing, but I do like. That's just one fear I have with it, I guess. But yeah, meg bought a indoor uh, like a cozy chain swing thing that we hung in the living room. That was meant to be like meg wanted a little reading spot for herself. But then murph has just completely stolen.
Speaker 2:But it's become like her favorite spot in the house. It's the cutest shit, so I'll come down in the morning every morning and she's sitting in there reading.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's just so cute, like it goes right in our back rooms.
Speaker 2:You can see it when you come down the bottom of the steps and like as soon as she gets home from school, straight to that chair to read, like it's just become her favorite little spot in the house, so I love it oh, that's fantastic yeah, she's a little reader. She enjoys her little graphic novels and she hasn't moved on to full chapter books yet. We're trying to encourage her in that direction.
Speaker 1:But yeah, she loves reading is she picked it up because of your wife's love of reading?
Speaker 2:absolutely, I think so yeah, I don't know if she was predisposed to it or not. Yeah, I think she definitely saw definitely ain't coming from your side. No, that's for damn sure You're looking at a guy who has read one book. I think top to bottom Is that how you say it.
Speaker 3:Cover to cover.
Speaker 2:So yeah, not from me, but yeah, she definitely. She's seen Meg reading her whole life right, and so I think it's definitely something that she likes to imitate from Meg and as soon as she got into it now she loves it.
Speaker 1:She just loves the stories and she loves to learn I think a love of reading will help her so much in school too. Yeah, because so much of like the pain that I had going to school was the reading parts, like having to read certain books. I remember I think it was like grade six or seven we had to do a book study on something and I was not reading this book, so my mom had read the book, okay, to help me to like yeah, all right, david sit down let's go through this book a little here we can do this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she saved my ass on that class so we had a question pose out.
Speaker 2:Dave threw it out to our patreons to say what are some questions that they had for us that we could answer here on the podcast tonight. So the first one was introducing a new child to the family. Tips and stories of how you shared the news of your newly expecting to your current children. How did you get them involved through the pregnancy or helping raise the new little one once they arrived?
Speaker 3:oh, that's essentially. My kids aren't even that old and it feels like so long ago right, it's hard to remember.
Speaker 1:Yeah, down memory lane to find out murph was three.
Speaker 2:I find it would be an interesting thing for older kids and that's something that I don't know that I guess your kids, dave, were older when abby was coming along yeah, but even, like I think about friends of ours that we've have had, like kids that are 10 plus and then they have their next right.
Speaker 2:We're like how you break down that news, I think would friends of ours that we've have had, like kids that are 10 plus and then they have their next right. We're like how you break down that news? I think would be such an interesting dynamic. But for me, like murph was three when we had cooper, so she would only been two when we were pregnant with him, so like she doesn't get it, like she was excited but yeah, she didn't really understand it and then when coop did come along, she was super cute with him.
Speaker 2:She's three years old. She was definitely the type where she always played with babies when she was like before coop came along, anyway, yeah, so then when he's there now, he's an alive baby that she just gets to play with, right, and there's also such an interesting dynamic and like we're in similar spot where it's like that was covet. It's like we had coop january 2020, right, meg was just at home with both of them 24 7 for those stretch of months, right. So it was just that type of you're raising them both at the same time. And no, there's nobody else really coming around except for your bubble people, and it was very much, yeah, all hands on deck and you also went girl boy.
Speaker 1:yes, in my house I went boy, girl, girl, yeah, so I feel like the majority of it was trying to keep them from not hurting the babies. Right, because there's a two-year gap between my first and second and then a three-year gap between my second and third, which would make it a five-year gap from my first to third. Wicked math, right? Right? Um, so I think, like same, similar, with that two year gap, there isn't much awareness about a baby coming. I remember my wife told me that she was pregnant by putting a shirt on my son that said, um, best big brother, or something like that, right, and then, like, he brought him in front of me and, like course, oblivious me, I'm not looking at what his shirt says not really reading it or finding it, and then it was like how about that shirt?
Speaker 1:oh, wow, okay, cool. So, like she involved him in the process of letting me know. So there were some things that that I think they were involved in with that. I think one piece of advice I would have is to involve them in things with pictures and stuff too, like those moments, because they might not remember it in the moment but when they look back on things, yeah, then it'll be like oh, you were there for that, oh, you were a part of that. Like it kind of helps connect dots because, like, I don't remember much of my childhood yeah, right, that young, yeah, um, it would be interesting to ask, like my brother, that question, because he would have been nine when I was a baby. Yeah, so I don't know what that would have been like if there is that larger gap I think it would be cooler because they're seeing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, where, now that my kids have gotten older, like my oldest plays so well with my youngest, like right, the two of them are best buds. Like they'll wear matching outfits and like play the games together and like they, they're having a blast. But when they were younger, like when she was born, that means my son would have been five. So a five-year-old boy trapped in a house with a little baby around, I feel like the majority of the time was like dodging bullets trying to make sure the baby doesn't get hit with like a block or like a car that he's riding around the house or something like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we got kind of lucky with ours because we didn't have to deal with like the jealous like older child, child like, which happens sometimes. Right, they're like very protective of mom and like are, yeah, worried about their attention being stolen away because that you hear that happen sometimes.
Speaker 3:Um, but ours were just uh, I'm I'm only thinking about the most recent one, so our youngest. There was two older ones and it was a great experience. The middle child, again very close in age, so it was like she was kind of just shy about everything going on, so it was like you really had to like, encourage her and help her with it. But the oldest, leo, he was just awesome with the baby from the beginning and it was adorable to watch. He was like very much a part. We had a home birth for our third child. Oh, yeah.
Speaker 3:So he was like very much a part of the whole process and he still like remembers it. That's cool. So he was like right beside maddie the entire time, like coaching her on the whole time, like cheering her on and like that is something that I find our kids I don't know if your kids do the same, but like they'll ask for like all the birth stories for us to tell them all their stories yeah, every once in a while.
Speaker 3:So they want to hear, like how it was and right what each like. Uh, my middle child was like did I get to hold crew when he was a newborn? Right yes, you did, but you were kind of scared of him at first. Yeah, you held him for like one second, and then you're like okay, but I kind of wish.
Speaker 3:Uh, we were at friends house for the weekend and they have three kids as well and their youngest is not even one yet. So, right, very much a baby still. But watching our oldest with him was adorable. He was like such a like all the other kids would be off and he would be playing with the baby, just him and the baby, and there'd be times where he'd come back and he's like Dad, did you know? I know how to talk, baby. I'm like, oh really.
Speaker 2:I feel like so serious.
Speaker 1:No 100%.
Speaker 3:He's like yeah, he's like, his mom wanted him to stay off of the wood deck so he didn't crawl on it and get splinters. So he's like so I told him to stay on the mat when he was out there. And and maddie's like no, like he actually did.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure he knows how to talk baby straight up.
Speaker 3:She's like I just heard him whisper something to him and then he like turned around and went back on the mat so he was like yeah I've always known how to talk baby, okay pal, but it's so easy to watch he'd be. He's such a great older brother and it would be just. This would be a cool stage to see that in.
Speaker 1:Right, and yeah, okay, just one sorry if it felt like I wasn't paying attention to you, but I was I was scrolling back on my camera reel, because on my phone it still goes back to 2017, when my daughter was born, so I was curious. Um, one thing that came back to my memory was bath time, yeah, where the kids would have a bath together, right yes and I can remember that and I remember in the moment it's been a long time since I bathed my kids.
Speaker 1:They all have showers now, right? So it's a weird memory going back to that, because I can remember working your ass off on a job site.
Speaker 1:Coming home, it's bedtime after dinner and you're hunched over a bathtub trying to fight and wrestle these kids to clean themselves and your low back is screaming, especially if you've been laying tile all day. Your knees are screaming and you're just trying to get through cleaning your child. But looking back at pictures, it's so cute. It is really cute. It's the happy memories of like playing with this bubbles in the bath and making silly hairdos and stuff like that. It's super cute. But I also remember bringing our daughter home from the hospital and I was trying to find it because I'm pretty sure we had a video of when we walked in the house with her. Um, I did find it. I don't know what the audio is like, so I don't know if I'll play it.
Speaker 1:I'll send it to the patreon and I think we did a video when we were going to the hospital. Let's see if this one works. All right, baby Abby, we're going to the hospital to come and meet you now. Hi, you gonna come out? Are you excited to see baby Abby today? Maybe, yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, they sound so small.
Speaker 1:So the kids were in the car and we were taking them probably to mother-in-law's to watch the kids while we were getting ready to go to the hospital. So they were very aware of what was going on. One of the things that would be important to try and get your kid to understand is because you're going to be leaving and going to the hospital to have a baby, or if you're having it at home, right, it is going to be a big situation. Yeah, if you're going to the hospital and the kid is having to stay with a babysitter, in-laws or family, then letting them know what's going on I think would be important. Otherwise, mom and dad are just kind of disappearing for a night and then they're gone.
Speaker 1:Depending on how long you're at the hospital for Sometimes it can take a while, sometimes you're staying an extra day, whether or not the person that's caring for your first child can bring them to the hospital to see you and everything there, or if you're waiting to come home for us with our third. My parents were watching them at our house and I think they had tagged off with my. They didn't get to come to the hospital to see the baby and stuff, so they were waiting at home for us to bring her home. So there was a while there where we weren't home, like a day or two. So then I could see there being a little like what's going on, like where did mom and dad just disappear, to where? If you can let them know the situation, then it can kind of build some excitement for them for when you do come home and introduce them to this new little baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and even having them be able to come to right. Like you touched on that, we had that with murph, where she was with my wife's parents. She ended up no, she wasn't where the hell was, murph, because her mom was there. Maybe she was with her dad, doesn't matter. Anyways, I remember her coming to meet coop, which was just adorable because, like having that happen at the hospital and not waiting till we went home, we wanted her to be able to come there to have that moment at the hospital right after it happened, because it's also, I think, is a good thing to bridge that where it's not right to your point, dave.
Speaker 2:It's not like you're leaving and then coming back, and now there's a kid yeah where there's like a you just go pick up this kid, like what the heck just happened? Where it can like connect for them, like nope, this is where it happened, this is, yeah, they can just connect those dots in their head.
Speaker 3:And again, it's those little pictures that you end up having while they're there and like you just end up having those meet and greet moments, which can be so cute yeah, we, I remember we had, like we had riley, um that, and like in the middle of the night and then came home and it was like we went and chatted with Leo when he woke up.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Would you like to come meet your sister? Yeah, and then like, when it yeah, that was another moment that you never forget.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:It's so cute and he got to hold her um. One thing I would say is, while you're pregnant with a baby, just I would encourage like get your kid to talk to baby right, get it involved get it involved like right from the start.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and try not to worry about, like, what it's going to be like exactly when it, when baby comes, because I feel like the kids feed off that energy in a weird way. But, um, yeah, get them to talk to it. Show them like follow those stupid apps that. Show you like the size of the baby like what baby looks like right now inside the belly? Like just make it a very as real for them as you can make it.
Speaker 3:Cause like it's. It's hard, I'm sure very hard to wrap your, for them to wrap their minds around what's going on.
Speaker 2:but well, I think the more involved you get them, the more involved they're now going to want to be and excited about it exactly this can build more excitement instead of having that that tension when baby comes along, because they are going to steal the vast majority of your attention, of especially mom's attention, when they do come right.
Speaker 3:So and explain that to your kid, I know they're really young, but like in, in, like little kid terms just be like mommy's gonna be like spending a lot of time with baby, like right the same way, I spent a lot of time with you when you were a baby, right, exactly, but that's one thing I would say as a dad to like put in that time with your oldest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because like the baby isn't gonna remember so as long as mom isn't losing her shit and like can't handle having that baby attached to her anymore. Then it's like when you come home it's not going straight over to the baby. Yeah, give the older child the attention, because they're the one who remembers that moment. The infant does not remember anything that's going on there. Yes, you still want to form a connection there, but like what matters most because I remember learning that and even as an uncle, so like with our in-laws, josh, or my brother-in-law, josh and laura, when they had their second, I made a point of always going to their oldest kid, right?
Speaker 1:being like, hey, dude, how are you doing? And then go see the baby. Yeah, like, let your first greeting be to them and then go to and that's like great advice for anybody who's going to meet a new child. If there is another child there, like maybe bring something for the oldest kid to be like hey, here I brought you this like the baby doesn't need another toy or a shirt or anything they've got plenty of hand-me-downs Trust me Give that other kid the attention, because they're probably craving some of that.
Speaker 2:No, that's a really good point. Yeah, be conscious of it because it's a real thing. That's happening, yeah, and playing it in real time, yeah. Question two Hit us, joe, from our Patreons. I'd love to hear a chat about how you guys break down shared responsibilities with your partners. You have touched on this topic a few times when discussing other topics, but not into this one specifically. Are there assigned tasks for each partner, or is everything a team effort, etc. It is a big one. It is something that we have touched on, I feel feel like a lot, because it is a lot of the relationship, right, like responsibilities and who's taking care of what and who's in charge of what. Like that's going to dictate a lot of the mood of your relationship and how that stuff gets fleshed out, talked about and kind of decided yeah, I just saw a clip on the new heights podcast, okay, where somebody had asked a similar question.
Speaker 1:It was a wife asking how do you get your husband to do things without nagging him? And then jason kelsey answers like I like being nagged, I need somebody to tell me to do something, get off your ass and go change the fucking garbage, right. Like I need my wife to come to me and say it like that, because I'm not gonna remember. I've got a bunch of things going on in my head and my brain just drifts and I'm thinking about random shit and if she comes over, oh yeah, you know what I should go do, that, yeah. And then travis was like, yeah, just give. If your husband has ever played any type of sports, just get a whistle and just blow that whistle and treat him like he's on the field and he'll respond.
Speaker 1:But it was one of those things I was listening to and at first, when you're hearing the question, it was almost like I was offended as a husband, as a dad, being like what do you mean? Like, how do you get your husband to do? How do you? It sounded like a woman trying to, like, train her husband to do things.
Speaker 3:Like how do.
Speaker 1:I like, do I need to give him like a beer after he? Does something is the positive reinforcement. It's like are you kidding me? Like he's a grown-ass man, like how are you?
Speaker 2:treating him like that.
Speaker 1:but then for me I really like, when he said his response, I'm like I very much am that I do not mind being reminded to do something, because I often will forget. And I learned this even early on in our marriage, when I was living at my wife's house with our in-laws and my mother-in-law would come in and remind us about garbage night and I was like, oh great, thank you. And then I had told her I'm like please remind me. I'm not great at remembering to do things like that. I do not mind if you remind me to do something. I'm not going to be offended that like, yeah, I do not mind if you remind me to do something.
Speaker 3:I'm not gonna be offended that like, oh, you don't trust me to just do this on my own, I know me and I know I ain't getting it done without that reminder sometimes, so hit me with the reminder the only problem that with that in my house is the plea is that she doesn't have to remind me. Like that's right, that is what she wants, is like she, because in her mind if she has to remind me, that means she's still carrying the mental load of it right that's a good point, so it's in her mind.
Speaker 2:It's still not fair for her to have to remind me right I'm like I get it totally, but, but also, if it pops into your head, yeah, throw it out there yeah I get what she's saying completely.
Speaker 3:That is a good point.
Speaker 1:I never looked at it that way. Yeah, in that like, because I would think of that in a business way. Yeah, like as far as with our jobs, when we start a new job and I hand it over to one of you guys that are going to be leading it, then it's very much like poof. Okay, that's off my mind exactly. If I had to be remembering to remind you guys of a bunch of things, then I would be still carrying the load of that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so that that checks out joe's mom did not mind reminding people a pastime of hers and it's always like, especially like for that, specifically in that topic. It's all about how you say it. It's not what you're saying, or?
Speaker 2:the or the fact that you're having a and it's always like, especially like for that specifically in that topic.
Speaker 2:It's all about how you say it.
Speaker 2:It's not what you're saying, or the or the fact that you're having a reminder, it's how it's put across the table, right, if it's delivered in a way that is, are you gonna do that?
Speaker 2:That's never going to be received well by anybody. If that's a husband saying it to a wife other way around, or anybody, right, if you can deliver it with some form of love and compassion, that it's a husband saying it to a wife other way around, or anybody right, if you can deliver it with some form of love and compassion, that it's all should always be received well, right, um, but yeah, no, that's a good point, brian, because I do think there is a lot of validity to that, especially if they're always having to do it where, like that was the case in our house with mom, because it would always like that with her, like every single thursday night, it was it's garbage night, but then that also became a crutch, I think, for me it did yes exactly where it's like I was never going to remember because I knew it was always going to be something that I would get told on thursday night, garbage night like all right, here we go and up and take it out.
Speaker 2:Right where there is an element of okay, you do have to at some point land the responsibility on the person and just let it happen where it's like yeah, if that's going to be something that you have dictated in your relationship with your partner, this is something you are going to handle and I don't want to have to think and I don't want to have to think about it, yeah if they miss it, it sucks to miss garbage. It piles up, it stinks especially if it's in the summertime.
Speaker 1:We missed garbage and green bin one night. It was so full of maggots it was disgusting it wasn't salvageable. My wife went out to put another bit like a green bit in it and she was like I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm like, oh, come on, it can't be that bad, yeah, thinking I'm gonna go out and just dump it into a garbage bin or something. It was that bad. And then I opened it up.
Speaker 1:I was like so then I'm like I'll just tip it upside down inside a garbage bin and shake it out, so it all goes into a garbage bag. Do that, nope? Nothing just threw the whole thing out.
Speaker 3:We're buying a new green bin.
Speaker 2:That is an adult move. I have never heard that play before. I am not touching this wrap it up.
Speaker 1:I fucking like triple wrapped it in garbage bags left it outside. We're buying a new green bin. What a move. You can buy green bins you can just get a new one, so we forgot we ate our mistake and we bought a new one. It was so bad that's amazing, because I fully well thought like, okay, I'll knock it out, I'll go, I'll hose it down, we'll be fine. No, it was far gone. It was so far gone in parenting.
Speaker 2:We call that a natural consequence. But there's an element to that right, like if, if it's something that is that person's responsibility, then you do just have to leave it to them and there is going to be some form of natural consequence to most chores in the home right.
Speaker 1:I find that I'm like a creature of habit, so if it's a routine, then I'm going to remember, but then if the routine changes, then that thing doesn't keep happening, right? So my son used to have soccer on Wednesdaynesdays, or we had we used to podcast on wednesdays sometimes too, and that's usually the night I will put out my garbage. So I would be coming home and then opening the garage and I would bring it out at that moment, right? If I'm on the couch watching a show or playing video games, there's no remembering to do garbage. It's already not even there. But if I'm home I know it's garbage night, then it's going.
Speaker 1:So, then, when that routine stopped, then I stopped remembering and it was like my wife was now going out on Wednesdays and she would be coming home, and then she would come in like hey, it's garbage night. And I was like cool, like you could just put the garbage out too. Like you're the one that's coming in through the garage, you can just take it out kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Those are good points.
Speaker 1:So we have a very good relationship when it comes to those types of duties. I wouldn't say that we have designated roles, but we do so like we do. But we don't I don't know like we interchange who does things sometimes and we don't fight or expect the other person to do it. So like I don't often do the dishes right in the sink and after dinner and stuff like that. But if I've had a easier day and my work ends early and I've got some time, then I can go in and I'll just jump in and do it. Right, she's not asking me to do it or telling me to do it, or it's not expected of me to do it. I'll just jump in to help laundry.
Speaker 1:It's like a whoever's out of underwear first type situation where it's like okay, the bin's clearly full, I can take a load down and do it right and then like or if she puts one in, I might swap it to the dryer. It's not like you do your laundry, I do my laundry right. All of our laundry goes into one thing and we just do it when we need to type thing. Um, we've been teaching the kids to do a lot more things, so the kids are starting to do their own laundry nice, which is really great. That's big. My son be like I don't have this. Like cool, go do your laundry then.
Speaker 1:Man, it's like they know how to do it now so they can do it right. Uh, dishwasher, our kids do it, so they fight over who gets bottom rack, because it's the plates and it's the easiest to put away. So then whoever's done their dinner first is usually like rushing over to get bottom rack um you know what those bowls and cups? Cutting the grass used to be my thing.
Speaker 1:This year we haven't had any rain so like I think we've cut the grass like three times, yeah um, but we trade off on that because my wife enjoys like gardening and taking care of the lawn and stuff like that, so she's kind of cut the grass a few times. It's like we have very interchangeable things. There aren't many things that are like 100% her and 100% me, other than the whole like working and dinners. Dinners are usually 100% her if it's on me. We're ordering pizza. Fair enough.
Speaker 3:Or it's a cereal night and then, like, work is my thing and my wife isn't working as much, right, right, I would say the main thing is that you just need to communicate about, like if someone is unhappy with their current role or roles, then you need to be able to communicate well about it, because if it's a point of contention, that's going to continue to be right, it's not going to go anywhere and it's not going to get better especially if you're about to have kids or you're having kids yeah, so the earlier you figure that out, the better, do you guys?
Speaker 1:have, like, designated 100 roles, like you are 100, doing this every time ours.
Speaker 2:Ours, I think, are similar because Meg's pretty much entirely on dinners. Again, her work schedule generally allows her to be able to work due dinners and have it prepped and ready. Where I'm always on garbage and the grass are the things that I'm 100% doing, and then everything else is kind of a joint effort. We like to do a lot of things together, so, like even laundry. We just have a system where it's weekends, so then saturday we wash all the loads and sunday we fold everybody's laundry and have it put away, and it's just something that we've always kind of done together. So one of us will put it in, we'll whoever will switch it, and then we'll generally fold the laundry together. Um, and then, yeah, dishes are just kind of trade-off. Whoever is wants to do it, does it. Um, yeah, it's never been one person's job or the other. Um, yeah, we just had those couple of things that are very and we've joked about the fact that, like she's like oh, yeah, no, I'm never touching the garbage.
Speaker 2:Like that's a new role and it's always going to be and I'm like whatever, I'm completely okay with it. And again, we have a system right now. It's funny that you say that, dave, like I'm very similar where thursday morning is our pickup, so you put it at wednesday night, I put it out thursday morning because that's meg's early day.
Speaker 3:She's an eight o'clock client.
Speaker 2:So then that our house has to be like up and going before seven so then I can get outside do the garbage and that's just my routine. So then if there's ever a time where she doesn't have the eight o'clock client, like the garbage isn't getting out, because if I'm not up, then it usually hits our house pretty early the amount of times you've been laying in bed and you hear the okay, good, it was just recycling yeah, it's not the
Speaker 3:garbage. I find our uh it changes like sometimes depending on. I find in the summer our routines kind of get messed up, right. So I don't do this During school. I'll often, once the lunches are made and stuff, I'll do the dishwasher and clean the kitchen, basically before I leave, while the kids are gone, so I can do it quickly, but when the kids are there it's just like chaos in the morning, so I'm just like see ya, Uh so, yeah, things, but I would say we've settled into like, um, there's things that she does all the time and things that I do all the time.
Speaker 3:I would say that generally, she probably wishes that I did a few more things than I do um, so, yes, I try to keep that in mind and I help out as much as I can when I am able to. Um, but yeah, it's I. It's definitely not 50, 50 in our house, right, just, and a lot of that is just because of our, our work schedule and stuff like that like when I get home and like, like you were mentioning, it's dictated by those types of things.
Speaker 1:Um yeah, well, because like you and I have a similar setup in that we're the more full-time workers and our wives are more of the full-time caregiver to our kids. Yeah, um, joey's got more of a 50 50 setup as far as work and house life as well.
Speaker 1:So I think like there are different dynamics so depending on how your household operates, um where, like my friend, his wife is working primarily as the main breadwinner and he is more of the caregiver, so those roles are kind of swapped, which can be a little hard for him at times. Yeah, um, yeah, so I think, like so many different aspects in relationship, how like your whole house operates, yeah dictate a lot of those things.
Speaker 1:Um, I think there's a lot of roles that are that used to be more male, female roles that are now becoming more interchangeable. But I think, like the communication aspect of it is the most important. Like brian said, like if you're not happy with something or they're not happy with something, being able to have a constructive conversation around that and then seeing, I think seeing it as not a shot. I think often we take things as like uh, you're not doing enough, or I need you to be better, or I need you to be more. Yeah, it can be. A lot of the times it's more I'm drowning, yeah, and I need somebody to like swim with me right now. Yeah, where it's like I don't like it's. It's more I'm drowning, yeah, and I need somebody to like swim with me right now. Yeah, where it's like, I don't like it's. It's not about the garbage, or it's not about the laundry or the dishes.
Speaker 2:It's about being overwhelmed, being stressed as a parent and not feeling like you can do everything that you feel like you need to do and that can be like our listenership is majority male, so that can be one of the hardest things for, I think, men to hear in a traditional, like heterosexual relationship. Is that like when your partner needs help, because it is so easy to immediately link that to I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough right, good enough.
Speaker 2:I do that.
Speaker 2:It almost doesn't matter how it's going to be, like it could be the most gentle thing slid across the table, but because that is at the core of a lot of men, it's gonna strike that chord almost every single time.
Speaker 2:And it is something that we've worked on a ton in our relationship with meg and I, because it is something that we ran into a lot early where she didn't have a way to bring it up with me, where it wasn't going to initiate that response right in some form.
Speaker 2:Um so and a lot of it does has come down to putting in the work in communication, like learning how to communicate with each other, and like I'll attribute a lot of that to therapy too and like how we've gone through it together and separately and learned how we need to cue those things up with each other and how it needs to be brought up, because it does to your point, they very much need to be brought up in that way of like I need help and it's not that you're not doing enough here, it's just that because of the circumstances we're dealing with and we've run into a few times because, as you say, like we have meg works mostly full-time as well.
Speaker 2:We have kind of a halfway in between, because she works for herself and she's able to manipulate her schedule a bit. Um, so she has a situation where she can work four days a week and have fridays. So then that can be her kind of errands day where she runs out and does grocery shopping and stuff like that. That's another thing that's fully on her plate is grocery shopping.
Speaker 1:I don't do any of that if I do, I'm coming home with butter exactly.
Speaker 2:That's not good for donuts actually I'm pretty good at grocery shopping, but she hates it when I grocery shop because I don't get like any. I miss things because I just won't write down a list, and then I don't get any of those things because I'm too cheap and then she gets angry that she doesn't have snacks.
Speaker 1:So she just doesn't let me do it anymore. She needs her snacks, she doesn't need her stuff. I get it, I'm happy about the snacks too.
Speaker 2:I just literally have a money spending problem sometimes, um, but yeah, so then it became something for us, because she does have a couple of days usually on her schedule that are very packed for her, so that's like on those days she needs help and she needed it. Took her a long time for her to be able to communicate that with me in a way that I didn't get defensive, um, so that I could just hear her, understand her and get it into my head that like, okay, I need to be able to step up when I can and I need to be able to communicate when I can't, and that's what needs to be understood and communicated both ways too. Right, because there's gonna be times where, like Thursdays in particular were had always been nuts for us because we either had martial arts or, when martial arts wasn't on, we had skating with the kids, and that's her day where she worked till six. So it's like it was always a full-ass day where she was working eight till six. So often we will do that in our schedules as well. We had a caregiver who would take the our kids after school and that's right into activities afterwards. So it's like dinner's not an option, like it's just going to be thrown together, or fast food. We're going right into a kid's schedule, right into bedtime. So it's just always a nuts day. So it always just came down to okay, we need to make sure that's ironed out before thursday hits, where it's like okay, I need to be.
Speaker 2:My part in this is making sure I let her know. On wednesday, tomorrow's going to be nuts for me too. We're going to keep our heads above water and like it's okay that that's going to be a survival day. Yeah, um, it kind of links to, actually, my most recent therapy appointment, where I talked a lot or we talked a lot, me and my therapist about the, the concept of having a lot on your plate and having too much on your plate through this stage of life, um, and having, you know, kids. You're trying to be a good parent. You're trying to be a good parent. You're trying to be a good partner. You're trying to do your best at work. You're also trying to be a good friend to your friends and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, and you're going to fall short in a lot of areas on any given day, because that's just a fact of life and like walking through that I think I was telling you afterwards, dave, cause we ended up just having a chat the day after.
Speaker 2:But, um, I just had that moment of realizing that, like, sometimes the thing that you don't want to hear is also the thing that you do need to hear. Or it was like that was that therapy appointment for me, cause it was very much I can go into it. And I talked to her and, like I, you almost want an answer, but you know there isn't going to be one. It's an answer, but you know there isn't going to be one. It's like, maybe my therapist has the secret here to unlock. Okay, how am I going to be able to do better at everything right, instead of always feeling like I'm falling short in all these different areas?
Speaker 2:and her answer was you're not it's like damn it yeah that was very much the message she's like you're a human being and that is being a human being, because when you're in this stage of life, you cannot physically and mentally give 10 out of 10.
Speaker 3:All the things that you have going on right now, it is physically impossible and that's burnout or panic attack yeah, and that's very hard to hear for someone whose greatest fear is like disappointing people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, like when you have a perfectionist complex married with a people pleasing complex. That's pretty much the hardest thing to understand and like that is a lot of our generation. Because we were raised under this umbrella of yes, there was encouragement and there was this, this aura of like, yes, be your best self, but there also wasn't a lot of room for failure. There wasn't a lot of room for learning through failure. It was always still this punishment base to it, between when you do something wrong, you're punished, which can now connect it to when you're older.
Speaker 2:Doing something wrong is just falling short. It's like there's nothing wrong with that. That's just being human. Like you cannot give everything to everything every single day. Um, and that's okay, and you just have to come to terms with that. Um, I kept making the comment but like, you did your best and she's like, no, you didn't. There's gonna be areas in your life every day where you didn't do your best. You came well short and like and that's okay, because that's just human. It's like you, that day you had too much on your plate, you gave tan at work, you were not your best parent and you know it. You know that you're a piece of shit parent. That day.
Speaker 2:That's the guilt, exactly that's the guilt, but like that's where you have to have grace walking alongside the guilt, right, yeah, but that's the guilt. But like that's where you have to have grace walking alongside the guilt, right, yeah, but that's so hard to train yourself into because that's never been modeled and she's like that's was part of her point was like it's, it's literally never been modeled, like there's very few people that have probably ever lived that way, because it's a very also difficult way to live to be able to walk grace and guilt at the same time. Um, because you are.
Speaker 1:Did she have anything to say about like taking on too much, though? About like knowing a limit as to how much you are capable to take on?
Speaker 2:I think that's just each individual right, like that's for you to know for yourself and right and to figure out with you and your partner if you're doing life with a partner or just the people in your life.
Speaker 1:Um, because like I was just wondering, like as part of the answer you're looking for from the therapist to tell you to not do things like then.
Speaker 2:Then it's like okay, I can feel okay about taking this off of my plate it is interesting you say that, because that is something that I thought about afterwards that I was interested to get into, because I didn't know if that was part of why I brought up that conversation with her is if I was looking for validation. Right, if I am doing enough, it's like this concept of okay, can someone just tell me that, like I'm doing enough things and like it's okay that you're falling short because you have that many things, right, that's okay, you could drop a few off. Because there isn't really a gauge, and we talk about that often with social media. Yeah, it's like when we're all we're seeing people's highlights and you're seeing people in your life, but you're still only getting snippets. Like we see each other a hell of a lot, but you still don't get the snippets of what everybody's doing all the time and thinking about and carrying around on their mental load. So there really isn't this.
Speaker 2:Actually, I think I did say it, but she didn't give me an answer. I was like I just wish there was a gauge of like could someone please tell me where I'm at here? Like, am I at human capacity? Where am I sitting? Am I in like the 70s to 80s, where I'm supposed?
Speaker 1:to be here, but I think it's because, like everybody has a different tolerance of how much they can handle or take to.
Speaker 2:Potentially maybe I don't know- yeah, I would imagine, and there's a bit of a balance to it too, right where meg sent me one today but um, but people, it was just a tiktok clip, but it was. They were talking about anxiety and connecting that to um, anxiety is all future thought based. But then to counter anxiety is just to put confidence into your future self that you're going to be able to handle it. It's like that's where you see people who can sometimes seem like they are less anxious and have more confidence. They just have more confidence in their future self that they're going to handle whatever shit you're going to put them into that's the positive self-talk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because your right now self is the things you're anxious about. It's because future yourself is going to have to deal with it. But if you're feeling high, high anxiety, then there's a good chance that you just don't trust or believe that your future self is going to be able to handle whatever you are going to be putting them through. That's deep. It was a really good. It was something meg sent me this morning because, looking at this week, was going to be a very anxious week. So then she sent me that I'm like, well, yep, that's pretty much on the nose of like not feeling like I can handle what's about to happen.
Speaker 2:So then it is something to work through, um, and it's something that I've learned a lot through therapy of realizing the lack of trust that I have in other people and subsequently, in myself. So then, working through that and learning to trust yourself and basing that on, yeah, you've gone through the things that you've gone through in your life and you're still here and you've conquered the things.
Speaker 3:Whatever it is, you're going to figure it out.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and that positive self-talk is what gets you there, probably Like, as you said, I'd say to double down on that Cause, like thinking of myself, I'm like I definitely identify with some of that personal and the kids taking on new sports in the fall, and just like the overwhelmness of that. But also, I think, to double down on that is the thoughts that you think people are going to have about you, right, Because, like one thing was felt very validating on a Friday when we had the Kathy classic, I was feeling very overwhelmed with it and even questioning whether or not I have the ability or capability of contributing the same thing that we did this year to it next year. Right, or it felt like it was too much and it felt like it was the thing that needed to be off of my plate, right. But then, having done it, the joy that you feel from giving back and having an amazing event, and especially having lou there, who is a gentleman with als that we were helping to raise some funds for, and seeing the joy on his face and how happy he was that we were able to help him he doesn't know how many years he's got left and he wants to be able to leave a big legacy that he can, and that meant so much to him it helped validate all of the things that you were going through.
Speaker 1:But then the thing that hit me was that both of our clients that we were missing work for messaged us to say have a great day. I hope everything goes really well for you. Say have a great day, I hope everything goes really well for you, and I think, so much of the fear that runs in my head whether it's um, missing something, missing a day on a job site. Is that client then like, oh, these guys don't care enough about my job. Does this mean my job's going to be going on late? We need this done so that we can be back in. And you're worried about all the things that they're going to be thinking and saying about you and I worry about people's opinions and thoughts of me a lot.
Speaker 2:So those things, the thoughts they could potentially be thinking right, their thoughts that you're putting in their head, Exactly, and then I also believe in manifesting things.
Speaker 1:So if you're thinking that, they're thinking that, then you're forcing them to think about that in a sense like you're speaking it into existence. So then you're double fucking yourself, and not in a good way, not even in a good way.
Speaker 3:It's supposed to be way more fun.
Speaker 1:I'm no expert, I'm pretty sure that's supposed to feel way better than the panic attack that I was having, I mean that's possible so having our clients message that it really like helped me relax and enjoy that day, because I knew that they were happy for us for what we were doing, um, and excited for us. But, like, when we have days that we're on breakfast, television and stuff like you worry about, are they feeling upset that we're not prioritizing them and we're prioritizing something else right, but you're doing like it's juggling all of those things. Yep, so yeah, there's definitely like to me. I think my anxiety is wrapped around both of those things the fear of how that future is going to pan out and the lack of confidence in that and how people are going to think and talk about me. Yeah, oh, damn it, joey that's all the things.
Speaker 2:Therapy is great, guys. It really is. Makes you think a lot. It's got good things and bad things in it. How many?
Speaker 2:times do you leave therapy and you're like I should have said that or I should have every time, yeah, no, there, you didn't have the right answer for a question yeah, I've gotten to the point, I'm getting to the point where I'm getting a lot better at the conversation part with my therapist, like we're getting to that point with each other where we understand how each other work and again, like I sing, her praises a lot, but I really like her as a therapist where she also knows me well now and she has the advantage of always taking notes, and that's what a good therapist will do.
Speaker 2:So now, when I do answer something incorrectly because that happens she straight up calls me out and I just said nope, I mean no, she's like, well, I happen to have this, this, this.
Speaker 2:I'm like yeah, you're super right, I don't think that at all, you know, like, all right, well, moving on, um, but it's good. It's something I have to get better at as far as jotting down thoughts when I get out, because I definitely, like I'll take a minute in the car and also it's all circumstantial to where I'm going, right, like sometimes I gotta get home for something, um, but there were, like I got into a good stint of like whatever four or five of them in a row where I would just sit in my car afterwards and make notes. Um, yeah, and I do have to get back to that, because it does always, um, elicit a lot of deep thought coming out of there, um, because there is always stuff that you feel is left unsaid, leaving a therapy appointment where it's like a freak, like even something to just circle back to on your next appointment, to be like man, I wish we got to that, um. So, yeah, it's dead.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it spikes a lot of thoughts in your head, that's for sure so, circling back around to the duties, duties and what you do, what your spouse does, yep, have you guys had any big blow-up fights? Oh, many about it oh many and have you learned anything from it?
Speaker 3:uh, I would. I would say I'm not gonna say many, but, like we've, usually the conversation is she's feeling very overwhelmed and that she needs help and it, like it, can often depend I think I've talked about this before it can depend on my mental state. Right, because when, like, I feel like when I'm in a good mental place. Right, because when, like, I feel like when, I'm in a good mental place.
Speaker 3:I am very like on the ball with stuff at home. I'm like just picking up loose ends and, yeah, filling in all of the gaps, uh, but if I'm not, then yeah, I can. I don't know, I'm not gonna say mope, but like I I'm not going to say mope, but like I'm, I'm not on the ball Right and uh, I think she recognizes that. I hope she does, but it's hard for her to recognize that sometimes when she's also in that place. Yes, so it can be like, yeah, your mental health can really play a big factor in a lot of the just the day-to-day tasks to do at home.
Speaker 1:So so, whether or not like so, does she give you the space and ability to be in that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I think we both give each other that um grace. I would call it Right Um. But yeah, we have butted heads about it and like, there's a lot of times where my answer is just like I'm doing the best that I can, um, like right, yeah, that's I. And like if I can do more, I will right um. But yeah, there's definitely, I think I think she definitely would prefer if it was closer to 50-50 in terms of a lot of the random stuff that you have to do at home. But yeah, I feel like it just kind of works itself out. Your schedules for the day just kind of dictate a lot of it. And then, yeah, I don't really know, it's kind of the same conversation over and over when it happens.
Speaker 1:I was gonna ask like is it something that you've noticed any growth in throughout your marriage uh, and how we communicate it.
Speaker 3:About it I would say yes, like um, but it I find it changes a lot. I don't know if there's like as the kids get older, like you said, like we get them involved a little bit with things and uh. But yeah, honestly, we haven't really fought about it in a little while, so I'm not sure sometimes I don't know until the fight happens how I'm doing right so maybe checking in more often would be good, but right, that's a good point.
Speaker 1:Actually, that is a good idea to like check in when things are good, because often we don't check in with things until you notice, yeah, the cracks start to form, right yeah, the tough part about when things reach a boiling point, it's typically because both people I think.
Speaker 2:Anyway, hopefully it's because both people are at their max where it's like it's because work's too heavy, schedules too heavy, mental loads too big.
Speaker 2:So both people are there and that's unfortunately when it's going to hit that boiling point and it's hard to recognize the fact that the other person is drowning when you are drowning. So then it's hard to bring it up in a constructive way to say, hey, like it's hard to communicate. Yeah, you'd wish it came into a point of hey, I can see that you're having a tough time that you're there, I'm also there. Is there a way we can find this around? It's really tough to bring it up that way when you're just feeling like, hey, I'm fucking drowning over here like fuck you, can you throw me yeah?
Speaker 3:do your thing right, um, but usually when I'm feeling well, I'm doing all the things right, uh, and yeah, things are good. So it's like, yes, and that's what is usually good.
Speaker 2:Because it's like, yeah, everything's great, yeah and that's what can feel hard, because I've definitely run into that, brian, like in our relationship, where it can feel like that all got forgotten. When it gets brought up, where it's like you're gonna bring this up to me, like as if the last five weeks didn't happen of me picking up a lot of the load here like yeah and it could be so easy to just get defensive immediately.
Speaker 2:Um, the one thing with meg and I and r is like this dishes were a huge one for us and always have been, or had been where like we've been good with it now for years, because it is something that I just realized was super important to her was just specifically the dishes. For whatever reason, she just connected the fact that the downfall of our relationship was going to be me never doing the dishes I don't know how this became a thing, but it became very easy for me to neutralize the
Speaker 1:dirty forks that ruined it all a hundred percent, um.
Speaker 2:So that's been curbed, thankfully. Um. But one thing for me and like I've said it a hundred times in this podcast and I'll say it till I die is learn your partner's cycle. I don't care if it gets me in trouble, but like I love my wife to death.
Speaker 2:There are four to seven days where she's not herself and it's it's before her cycle begins and she's well aware of it um, where it's fucking women's bodies. They got the shit end of the stick a lot of the time and when they're going, she's going into her period it just she, her hormones, tell her that I am the enemy. Um, we had a chat about this the other day and she's like I just don't, I'll have the end of the day and I'll be like did I really say that? Yeah, you did, and it's just, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:But I, because I've put in a lot of work to know her cycle, where it's in my head, like at any given time you can ask me and I know, roughly within a three-day span, where she is in her cycle. And that's on purpose, because I know that during those times it's going to be a lot more likely that if I'm not picking up a bit of the load or if I notice that something's not done but the house is a little bit more messy, I know, okay, I'm at the point of the month where, like, okay, I'm just going to tidy that up, even if I'm feeling like shit right now. If I just want to sit down on the couch, it's going to mean a hell of a lot to her. If I take the 10 minutes and tidy this up, if I take the whatever amount of time and initiate doing the laundry or whatever right then I know how much farther that's going to go, because I know her body is currently imploding in on itself and she hates me because of it. It's literally it's so.
Speaker 3:The other day I just I caught maddie at a point and I was just I asked her how she was doing and she literally like laughed out loud and she's like I was literally just looking at you wondering why I wanted to hurt you she's like, and I didn't have an answer for the question.
Speaker 1:I'm like well, that's good. I was thinking about it and then she put the knife down.
Speaker 3:She's like and I didn't have an answer for the question, I'm like well, that's good, I was thinking about it, and then she put the knife down and closed the drawer. I'm really glad I asked the question. I was just like, okay, all right, that's not a me problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yet yeah and it's going to be like. We don't want to generalize here on the podcast as well. Every woman's body is completely different. They're all going to have different responses in their cycles and different ways that they interact with their partners and everybody around them, right? So this isn't to say use this advice directly on your wife and tell her that you're tiptoeing around her because that might not be the case for her, but communicate about it and learn about it is the advice that I give men who are with a woman.
Speaker 1:Learn about it yeah, one thing that we have in our household is that we always come back to the fact that we love each other and that we are never going to intentionally do something to anger that person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so my wife doesn't see me if she goes out for a night and I'm. She comes home and I'm playing video games and the dishes didn't get done or something. She's not coming in seeing me not having done the dishes as a like fuck you, like I didn't do these dishes because that's your job and I'm not touching those like it's not a vendetta. She knows that I wouldn't do something to intentionally hurt her, so I, we have a lot of grace for each other in that, yeah, um, that, yeah, just that we kind of give each other that benefit of the doubt all the time and understand that we love each other and we want to continue to do life with each other I agree for 20 days out of the month if I catch her on those four though, she's coming home and absolutely thinking he didn't do that on purpose fuck you.
Speaker 2:And I have to be like, oh shit, what have I done?
Speaker 1:we? Uh. It's a good thing the kids are going back to school soon, because if they leave one more wrapper on a couch, or a yogurt cup on a table my wife is going to end them.
Speaker 1:She's gonna start cutting oh, she came through like a wrecking ball the other day because there was like she had cleaned. And then you come down in the morning and then it's just like you can see the hurricane of the kids and the trail and it's like who left the morning? And then it's just like you can see the hurricane of the kids and the trail and it's like who left all this here? And it's like it's the classic, like you drop a chip and it's like oh well, and walk away and it's like who's going to pick that chip?
Speaker 3:up, it doesn't magically disappear.
Speaker 2:Pick up your garbage you dirty little children, little goblins.
Speaker 1:I was sitting there on my computer and I was just like oh.
Speaker 2:They're in so much trouble right now.
Speaker 3:I was proud of my wife because, well, I find summer always goes through the. There's a stage, there's the beginning stage, which is terrifying and overwhelming for her, Because it's like I've got three kids at home again, and then she gets into a groove and everything's good. And then she gets closer to school and she's like I've got three kids at home again, and then she gets into a groove and everything's good. And then she gets closer to school and she's like I have lost my damn mind. These kids need to go to school. But then she's also stressing about the chaos and the schedule of getting to school again, so she decided not to put the kids in anything for the beginning of school, like the fall.
Speaker 3:I guess, Because she wanted things to be as simple as possible because that's all she could handle right now. So I was proud of her for doing that, for recognizing that like, yeah, she was at her max and she, yeah, couldn't do that to herself.
Speaker 2:So yeah, know your limits, play with me. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Do you guys remember any specific back-to-school things that you?
Speaker 3:loved to have New shoes 100%.
Speaker 1:Fresh pair of shoes to start school.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I always remember this pair of Allen Iversons I got when I was a kid. They were like bright blue. They were such six-shoot basketball shoes, nice. And I was so excited to wear those to school for the first day, oh nice. Yeah, my love for shoes started very young.
Speaker 1:Do you guys remember the five-star binders? Yes, they were such a thing. The black five-star binder had the velcro or it had the zipper open and everything. I remember that being a thing where I had this fresh new binder feeling so good about it.
Speaker 3:The new pencil case. I liked the new pencil case. It was good.
Speaker 1:My wife takes the kids out to get like a new backpack and new shoes and she came back. They had got like her and the girls had gone out and they came back with a bunch of stuff and she looked at me and she was like this is the one thing that I will never say no to them about is back to school stuff, because she felt like she didn't get to have new things to get to take to school.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So where I'm like do they really need a new backpack every year? Like why do we do it in here? And she's like I will spend 60 bucks on a new backpack all day, every day on them for this. Like that is the thing. They get new shoes. Yeah, you can get new shoes. Yeah, sure you, you do you girl I loved getting new backpacks as well.
Speaker 3:Right, it wasn't an every year thing, but yeah, that was a great, great moment always fresh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the irony is I take the opposite approach where, like I don't understand why the kids need new stuff because I never got the new stuff. Like, why do they need it?
Speaker 1:that one's perfectly good, it's right over there did you ever feel like you were lacking going to school?
Speaker 2:I think it was just normal right for me, like yeah, I'm just thinking about chocolate.
Speaker 1:You're just getting there for a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:Tackle football at lunch yeah, I was just excited to be back at school. I think like, yeah, because it wasn't ever a thing for me or an expectation for me. Yeah, I remember how, getting like I would typically I think mom would always like shave my head like not with a bick razor, but like trim my head so like I would always go back with like a fresh haircut in september, um, but yeah, other than that, we never had the new things.
Speaker 2:So I think that because it never got formed as an expectation was never something I looked forward to or thought I was missing out on, I was just, yeah, happy to happy to be there did your parents ever do like back to school pictures, like how we all do, like the picture in front of the house?
Speaker 1:you guys did that. Yeah, I never. We never did that growing up.
Speaker 3:We did it right in front of the bus for whatever reason right, yeah just before we got on the bus oh cute but yeah, it was good, yeah, we did them in port perry when we had that house.
Speaker 2:I remember there are some pictures of us on the front porch as we were getting ready to go to school, and then, yeah, yeah, freaking went out the window.
Speaker 3:I love those pictures of our kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the first day of school yeah, so good and it'll be great to see like the transition as they grow.
Speaker 2:I'm all over it now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah would it be appropriate or not appropriate to send your?
Speaker 2:kid to school with a Regal Ideas railing. Oh very nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Just a brand new Regal Ideas crisp railing. How are you sending it? You would be a cool kid, like maybe a sample pack They've got like those nice samples that you can bring to your client's house to be able to show them all the different colors and styles and options.
Speaker 2:Take them a picture in front of a regal are you getting your kids to sell regal rail?
Speaker 1:at school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this podcast ain't paid for itself training, little sales people also the regal ideas contest that I mentioned last podcast is still running now, so we did have a couple responses from the podcast. I was very impressed. So if you have a disaster of a railing at home, um, or if you're a contractor that has a project coming up that could use a regal ideas railing, send me your details, send me some pictures to dave at bro lawsca and you'll be entered to win a complete railing package from regal ideas. Um, we're really excited to be able to give this away. It could be a value between like two and six grand probably, like it's, uh, not a cheap product and you can have it.
Speaker 2:One email with pictures, guys get on it.
Speaker 1:Still haven't figured out how I'm gonna pick the winner. I was kind of thinking about doing like a march madness bracket situation and having people vote. So I've been getting people to send me pictures of their railing, oh yeah, and we could have a like this or that and people gotta vote for them and have like a little tournament bracket that they gotta work their way up that's fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I like that I dig it well I worry about people's opinions and thoughts of me a lot so that those things, the thoughts they could potentially be thinking, right, they're thoughts that you're putting in their head exactly, and then I also believe in manifesting things.
Speaker 1:So if you're thinking that they're thinking that, then you're forcing them to think about that in a sense like you're speaking it into existence. Yeah, so then you're double fucking yourself, and not in a good way, not even in a good way.
Speaker 2:It way supposed to be way more fun. I'm no expert.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure that's supposed to feel way better.