The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
Join us on this journey of fatherhood, and subscribe to "The Real Dad Podcast" today!
The Real Dad Podcast
Dad Wins, Burnt Grilled Cheese, Big Feelings
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A single grilled cheese can tell you a lot about family life. Between butter-versus-mayo debates, broiled-versus-pan loyalties, and the panic of realizing you’re out of bread mid-sizzle, we found the comedy and stress that live in every kitchen. We also followed a high-stakes trip to the butcher that ended in wide eyes at the register and a crash course in cooking a pricey beef tenderloin on a tight timeline. Spoiler: a bourbon-tent save turned chaos into a win—and taught us more about prep, timing, and recovery than any recipe ever could.
Beyond food, we opened up about the stuff that hits deeper. A listener’s NICU journey sparked thoughtful support and real advice from parents who’ve been there. At home, a raw wood table and white chairs met paint, crumbs, and ketchup rituals, forcing a hard look at form versus function when kids rule the room. Health concerns popped up too: a broken finger discovered late, a kid nervous about tonsil surgery, and how to steady emotions when everyone’s tired and the snow days won’t quit. We talked about breaking all-or-nothing thinking with “75 light,” claiming the identity of reader, and designing routines that fit actual lives.
Sports and shared projects pulled it together. Coaching youth hockey turned out more rewarding than expected, and kids stepping into the kitchen—pancakes, pot pie, and more—gave families both skills and pride. It’s a messy, honest snapshot of modern dad life: small milestones that feel huge, expensive lessons that stick, and a community that makes the load lighter. If you’ve ever burned lunch but saved dinner, argued about buns, or stared down a bill you weren’t ready for, you’ll feel seen.
Enjoyed the ride? Follow and subscribe for more real-talk parenting, share this episode with a friend who needs a laugh and a nudge, and leave a quick review—your notes help us keep the conversation going.
Pill-Swallow Milestone And Opener
SPEAKER_09Um kids growing up milestones in my household over the break.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow.
SPEAKER_09So my son is 13 now. Okay. Can take adult medication. Oh. Took his first like swallowable pill instead of like the little cat chewables. He did great. He was like super nervous about it and is like, what do you what do you mean? Like I just I just swallow it? Right. Yeah, yeah. You can just put it in your mouth and have some water and swallow it down. And he did it, and he felt like a grown-up. Like you could see him just be like, shoulders are back. Like, this is my coming of age story right now. This is it, huh?
SPEAKER_04This is open dad. This is it.
SPEAKER_06Did you teach him about the chin down method, chin up? Uh no, I haven't advanced that far either. Somebody want to teach me that method? Yeah, I don't even know what you're talking about. Essentially, it's easier to swallow if you dip your chin rather than toss. I've never had a problem swallowing, so. I have.
Welcome Back And Posting Cadence
SPEAKER_04If you got some time to relax your mind, come on. The Real Dad Podcast.
SPEAKER_09Welcome to the Real Dad Podcast. I'm Dave. I'm Joey.
SPEAKER_07I'm Mark. I'm Brian. And my toes are really cold, not gonna lie. And you have a huge bugger caught in the beard.
SPEAKER_04No!
SPEAKER_07Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_08So many people got excited, and right now I know we're gonna go here. No, not you, you fucking idiot. We're so mad at Dave. We're so mad at Dave. Shut the fuck up for a second. Shut up. Shut up for a second. Shut up.
SPEAKER_04Somebody demeaned.
SPEAKER_08I meant the viewers. The viewers just going about their Thursday mornings, and a new episode of the Real Dad podcast popped up. I know how he is just Jonesing at the big.
SPEAKER_09Oh, I've had a few people message being quite upset. My buddy messaged me, he's like, hey, how's how's life? I haven't had a podcast in a while, so I thought I'd go straight to the store.
SPEAKER_04One loves that he just listens to the podcast to get my daily life update. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_06That's why the viewers are our friends. I would have left him on read for months until the episode came out. That we could just talk about and listen to the episode. Yeah. It's funny because it's true.
SPEAKER_09Um, Merry Christmas, happy new year, happy new year to all of our amazing listeners out there. Sorry for the long delay between podcasts, but it's been busy, like I said before. Um, life is busy, it's hectic. We're trying to figure this whole thing out how to be able to stay consistent for you. Um, Mark has committed us to weekly episodes again this 2026 uh year. We feel miserably last year. We we did well for a while. We might not always all be together, but we decided um You're just gonna jump, you're going right in. Yeah, we just decided that we're gonna record an episode a week. So it could be one of us, it could be all four of us, it could be two, it could be three, it could be a random stranger thrown into the mix. Who knows? No, it would be Patreon. Yeah, okay, I like that.
SPEAKER_06But what if it's like a Patreon OME up? Like, we're not even there. Like, just hand over the reins to the Patreon. That's not terrible. It's not a bad idea. That's not terrible.
SPEAKER_09They can keep us going.
SPEAKER_07That's believable.
Patreon Shoutouts And NICU Support
SPEAKER_09The way Jeff Gil can spit bars, uh just actually he should have his own podcast. Um, a couple Patreon shout-outs that I wanted to do just to start. Um, Chris Leary, he's a new Patreon, and he shared on uh Patreon with us just the struggles that he's been going through with his new child. Um they've been in the ICU, they were born very prematurely. Um, scrolling back. I think it was like six months premature. So like very premature um and have been in the NICU for quite a while now. Sent us a picture. You guys haven't seen it yet. Him and his wife outside the baby. Let's go in the sunshine. That's let's go. So that was a huge moment for them just to be able to get out of the hospital, get outside with their baby.
SPEAKER_05Congrats.
SPEAKER_09Um, it's been a great little conversation and back and forth of people kind of jumping in with some information, some help for them, um, some other people who have gone through the NICU experience to be able to kind of share that and just how hard it can be to get a connection with your kid where um you don't get to have that the time together to bond and create that. I know even like you guys have talked about how that bond can be a little bit hard at the beginning for you, and then throw an extra element in the way on top of that, and how hard that can be as well. So it's been a great little community there, kind of helping them out through their little journey. Um, I was disappointed that he doesn't have snow though. His background looked beautiful and sunny. Son of a where does he pay taxes? Um, one other Patreon question. That was to you, dude. Virginia? Thank you, Virginia.
SPEAKER_08Oh, God bless America.
The Great Grilled Cheese Debate
SPEAKER_09Um this goes back to I asked them if they had any questions, and uh Jeff Ryan wanted to come back to the sandwich conversation.
SPEAKER_04Okay, I love it. So let's get into food.
SPEAKER_09He wanted to go back to the sandwich conversation and asked, How do you make your grilled cheese? What are you putting on the bread before you grill it?
SPEAKER_08So that I love Jeff Ryan, and he's like, I just called him annoying, but he is looking for a trailer for me to purchase right now. Oh, nice. And I just left him on read. He texted me like two days ago. He's like, should I keep looking?
SPEAKER_04And I was like, ah, but I don't know.
SPEAKER_08But this is why I'm saying he's annoying, because I feel like he's got cameras in my house. I just fucked up a grilled cheese. Did you? On the weekend. Okay, so how did you make it? So my kids are like super particular about their you know for homage. Did I butcher that? No, you nailed it. Okay, sweet, perfect.
SPEAKER_09Cheese for the Americans listening.
SPEAKER_08Um, so it kind of like I don't want to stack stories here or anything, but I did I did like a like the 10 out of 10 gourmet gourmet dinner. Took mom, I was like, you get the day off. So we smoked some uh things, we'll get into that. Meat. Um smoked meat. It was smoked meat, but I was like, I'm gonna do dinner. My head's all in dinner, and I've never like I've never smoked, like I've never been responsible for the full meal. Okay, I've only ever just done like a portion of it, right? Mr. Protein. Exactly. Protein. Um so then Robin, my wife, was like, I gotta go do some running around. Whatever. I was like, You got the day off, you don't think about anything. I got these little nuggets. I'm like, what do you guys want to do for dinner or for lunch? Grilled cheese. I start stacking it because I'm like trying to get be organized or whatever. It burnt the shit. It goes quick. So here's what we did. I go, I go, you but put the butter on the outside, like classic, whatever. You cut five slices of cheese. We you do like the marble cheese only in my house. Okay, yeah. But okay. Uh pardon?
SPEAKER_04Fancy marble. Fancy cheese that's like Mr.
SPEAKER_07Smoked Good 100%. Cheese he does from our shit. Nah, we have just straight cheddar at home. Yeah. Yeah. It's old cheddar, don't breed. I bet you he's got fucking cheese knives and shit too, right? There's a selection of cheeses. Fancy pants over here.
SPEAKER_08Um, anyways, so gross cheese. Yeah, I'm talking to I'm talking to the kids. I run into a situation here where I've burnt. I have dinner responsibilities, and I'm frying the fuck out of the the ass end of these grilled cheeses. Yeah. I got two on the pan. Two on the pan. Smoke's going everywhere. I gotta put the fan on the on the other thing that like sucks the soul out of everybody. And then I'm like, it's fine, I'll just get I'll make you guys like more grilled cheese. Open up, open up the cupboard, fresh out of bread. Heels only. Oh no. And in my house, in my house, we hoard heels for some reason. I've got three bags.
SPEAKER_05Three bags with nothing but heels. Six heels. No, nothing makes me more angry. I've never seen that in my life. So now I've got four pieces of normal bread. Okay. Two of the most pickiest kids in the world. But with the grilled cheese, you can almost sell it.
SPEAKER_08Shut up for a second name. I'm not there yet. And I burnt the shit out of 50% of the slices I have. So I have no other choice. Robin comes around the corner, she goes, What it's grilled cheese mark. And I was like, it's fine. Everything's fine. So I take the grilled cheeses off, and Maverick, my son, is like, I'm not eating that. He's four. Yeah. And then his sister, eight, is like, there's no way I am eating that. I'll chip a tooth. That's what she says to me, right? Honestly. Nice. So then I go like this. It's fine. I take the burnt piece off of one, the burnt piece off of the other, put it back, throw two more pieces of cheese on there, stick them together. I was gonna suggest this. Salvage. But now I'm in a sticky situation. Yeah. Yeah. Because I've got one good one golden grilled cheese. Yeah. And six heels.
SPEAKER_07Those heels go straight in the garbage. Yeah, no. There's not even a chance.
SPEAKER_08I thought I I used my back as a shield. For whatever reason. Kids aren't panthers. They're an iPad city. But I'm like, I have made myself into this giant ninja turtle of a fucking thing. And I'm buttering these heels so no one can. And all of a sudden I feel Robin's breath.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. And she's just like, what the fuck are you doing?
SPEAKER_08And I literally, I was like, do not draw attention. She's like, they're gonna know. And I was like, no, they're not. I'm gonna cut the crust off. They'll have no idea. Yeah. And it's gonna go down. She's like, no, there's no way. And I did it, served it, boom. One kid asked for seconds. I said, sure, babe, no problem. I don't want to get more heels to go around. Robin looks at me, I was like, go to the store. You have the day off. Got this. And then I hit a 15 out of 10 slam dunk, won the MLB home run competition. It was awesome for dinner.
SPEAKER_09I think you should have, like, we should all have this at our home. And it's a dad cape. So it's like a super dad cape. And when you pull off a random victory like that, you walk to the cupboard, you get your cape, and you put it on, and you just walk around the house like you were the super fucking dad who's a big thing. I'm saying about like a wrestling boat. Oh, I'd love that.
SPEAKER_08Funny story is I got two of those this year as a Christmas gift. It's called a robe. I am in my dad robe arrow. Okay, okay, okay. It's a new ick unlocked for my wife. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. And she was like, I didn't think you'd wear it. But it has the Philadelphia Eagles logo on it. Nice. And I got matching slippers.
SPEAKER_06I was gonna say, you walk in slippies at the same time. I would love a pair of Philadelphia Eagles.
SPEAKER_08Oh, you need some slippers with that logo. You need some RDP slippers slippers.
SPEAKER_09I didn't back to the grilled cheese for one second. Shut up for a second.
SPEAKER_04Back to the grilled cheese. Okay. Because you tangented the fuck out of that.
SPEAKER_09Jeff Ryan is saying. Do we all butter or grilled cheese?
SPEAKER_06You have to butter it. So if I'm getting I do butter and then garlic butter. Okay. So I'll do both. He uses mayo. Jeff Ryan's mayo.
SPEAKER_07That's why I do it now. On the outside of the mayo. Mayo. Never tried it outside of your grilled cheese. Definitely willing to try.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_09Mayo? Never tried. I was confused. I was like, mayo? What the fuck? He's a paramedic.
SPEAKER_08Right. I mean, mayo.
SPEAKER_07He's in great shape though, too. Olive oil and skins a lot.
SPEAKER_08Should be fine. Yeah. Did you say it's made of eggs? Olive oil. Olive oil and eggs. Yeah. That's what mayonnaise is made out of?
unknownYeah, man.
SPEAKER_07It's super easy to make mayonnaise.
SPEAKER_06That's why when you make egg salad, you're just adding egg paste to eggs.
SPEAKER_07Super easy for like, no, just look it up on YouTube. That's what I do with everything. Not a bad idea.
SPEAKER_06Also, controversial grilled cheese moment. I put mine in the toaster oven on broil. I get to see them. It can be a toaster oven. Never done it.
SPEAKER_09We don't have one anymore, but it can be good. I remember those batteries.
SPEAKER_07It's not a very grilled cheese, actually. It's not in the name. That's a toasted sandwich. It's a broiled cheese.
SPEAKER_06That is a fact. There's no guesswork.
SPEAKER_08I get to watch that thing brown. Can I ask your opinion on something? Watching it brown. Can we weigh in on the hot dog sandwich debate? Oh, okay. Is a hot dog sandwich.
SPEAKER_09No, no, is it? It's its own category.
SPEAKER_06It's a hot dog.
SPEAKER_09It's a hot dog.
SPEAKER_06Because then it would be like is a hamburger sandwich. No, it's a hamburger.
SPEAKER_09You could call it a handheld. I think a hamburger would fall in the sandwich category.
SPEAKER_06It's a burger. You put cheese on it. It's handhelds and sandwiches on the menu. It's a grilled cheese with sandwich.
SPEAKER_09So the difference with the with a hot dog though is the bun is still connected with a sandwich.
SPEAKER_06You've got a top and a bottom. A sub submarine is a sandwich?
SPEAKER_09Fuck, I didn't think that through Mr. Sub slices it all the way though. So they got two.
SPEAKER_06There's no better sub than Mr. Sub. Straight off Firehouse. It's pretty damn good sub. Damn. Yeah, yeah. Mr.
SPEAKER_09Sub we're doing uh we're doing a Mr. Sub integration in the New Year for the Sunday. Mr.
SPEAKER_06Sub is easily the best on the market. Maybe there'll be a podcast sponsor too. Who knows? We can try. You know, a hot dog out of that's not a sausage dog. Is that a sandwich?
SPEAKER_08This is all leading me to be like when you are in your dad era and you're manning the grill. Yeah. I shouldn't say manning the grill, but whatever. You're on the grill. Yeah. Do you toast the buns? Do you not toast? Do you offer it up to the bottom? I offer it. I like a toasted bun. Yeah. I like a toasted bun. I judge people that toast their buns.
SPEAKER_09In a good way or a bad way?
SPEAKER_06Terrible way. Oh, yeah. I would always lean towards no toast. No soft bun.
SPEAKER_07I like a soft bun. I'm very picky about how it's toasted. It's gotta be toasted well. That's fair. Yes, I use it on flat top, you butter the bread, then you grill it just the one side. And then it's still soft, but it has like the nice crusty inside. But butteryon. That's the way you gotta do it. But you're already the meat.
SPEAKER_06I think I had too many bad experiences with that. My dad would toast them, but then he'd forget them and then they're rock hard. It's terrible. Listen, it happens, okay? It happens. But also the scrape method when you burn it?
SPEAKER_09What's scrape the burnt out of it?
SPEAKER_06You gotta get a dozen or burnt so many. I got pretty good at it though. A butternuk.
SPEAKER_08You know hardwood floor, how it has like that eighth-inch veneer of hardwood. That's what the burnt looked like on this. Exactly.
SPEAKER_10Scrape that shit off?
SPEAKER_08I mean, I've definitely done that, but I got some picky kids.
SPEAKER_07Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_06Well, picky kids and a picky wife, and I still tell you, I pulled it off for Meg. Just for the pickies of the three.
SPEAKER_07We could go all day about food.
SPEAKER_09We uh we had a couple um kids growing up milestones in my household over the break.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow.
SPEAKER_09So my son is 13 now, okay, can take adult medication. Oh took his first like swallowable pill. Weird instead of like the little cabbage. He did great. He was like super nervous about it and is like, what do you mean? Like I just I just swallow it and yeah, yeah, you can just put it in your mouth and have some water and swallow it down. And he did it, and he felt like a grown-up. Like you could see him just be like, shoulders were back, like this is my coming of age story right now. This is it, huh? This is open, dad.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, this is it. Did you teach him about the chin down method or chin up?
SPEAKER_09Uh no, I haven't advanced that far either.
SPEAKER_06Somebody want to teach me that method? Yeah, I don't even know what you're done with. I'm struggling with how to word this without it being incredibly sexual. But essentially, it's easier to swallow if you dip your chin rather than toss. I've never had a problem swallowing, so I have.
SPEAKER_09Dip your chin while you swallow. Yeah, so while you drop your chin. Really?
SPEAKER_08Instinct would be Is anyone else trying this right now? Like I'm trying, I'm secretly looking at the weird thing. I'm choking. If you are driving right now, please wait or pull over to attempt this.
Raw Wood Table And White Chairs Saga
SPEAKER_06Because everybody throws their head back, but that actually restricts your sophages. It makes it harder to swallow. Actually, just keep the deadpan. I just great into it. See, I still remember the first time I tried to do a swallowable pill. Did you choke on it? I mom tried everything. She put it into a banana to see if she could just mask it. I found it, spit it out. I wanted nothing to do with it. I couldn't do it. I kept gagging and crushed it up and snorted it. I think eventually she crushed it up and put it in something, I'm assuming. But yeah, I still remember that vividly. It was one of our random houses, too, as we moved around a bit, and I will always remember the kitchen of that house for that moment. I did not do well. Now, I wasn't 13, so I don't know what I was because that would have been grade one. So seven.
SPEAKER_09She was just giving you the hard stuff. Oh, for sure. That's all she could find in that house. Right. Who knows what that was? You're number seven. Just take one of these.
SPEAKER_06Worked.
SPEAKER_09So the other one is we got rid of all of our plastic cups. Yeah. Glass cup only now.
SPEAKER_06Back to down to glass.
SPEAKER_09It's very nice. Not having the plastic cups. They would never really dry in the dishwasher. They would always sometimes you get enough to like redry them as you pull them out. So we were like, you know what? We're done with this. Gone with them and brought in the glass. It was beautiful.
SPEAKER_06I still got plastic cups, guys. I got we got the stack of colors with the lids with the straw.
SPEAKER_09Get rid of those.
SPEAKER_08Dentist approved. Okay. We uh we got a new kitchen table. Okay.
SPEAKER_09No, not the one you built. That was for someone else, right?
SPEAKER_08I don't want to get into that right now.
SPEAKER_09Really? That was so beautiful.
SPEAKER_08Thank you so much. Remarkable geometry. Um that was the third table basic that I built. It was supposed to be done for December 9th.
SPEAKER_09Wait, you weren't gonna talk about it. Talk about your table.
SPEAKER_04If you can see the energy of joy get sucked out of a body. That's what happened right there.
SPEAKER_08I don't know how feeling. We we got a new table in my house. Yep. Um and the just sheer joy spending money brings to my wife is something that I don't think I pay enough attention to. Okay. Like I don't her money's her money. So like I see the Amazon packages, right, but I just like choose not to act on acknowledging. But when you take this beautiful life partner of mine shopping. The logic. It just doesn't make any sense. So we have two young kids. She bought a raw wooden table. White oak. Raw white oak. Not finished. That's a choice. So like this, I would assume is some sort of oak. There's a seal on there. Yeah. Nicely finished. She stick some sort of cup down there. That's not gonna leave a ring or anything. Right? She has this idea that the kids at four and eight years old, for those that don't know, are going to do their crafting activities, to which they do multiple times a day. On the floor.
SPEAKER_07My kids are all about that. So the kids are scattered everywhere.
SPEAKER_08She's like, they're gonna do it on the floor. What? In what world? They sit on when they sit on a chair, they sit on half the chair. They teeter the chair. Right. And like they draw our old table was covered in shit. This is why we had to get a new one. So then she says, I know I have the vision for the thing. Okay, so this is my wife's vision for our space. Are you ready? For your life. This is it. It's a dining room table made of raw wood. Like you she wiped it once and the the gray, the the grain raised. Now it's not enjoyable to even touch.
SPEAKER_07Oh no. You're gonna have a piece of sandpaper under the table at all times.
SPEAKER_06Wipe down your station, kids. Now, start out your orbitals. I'm gonna just throw it out there.
SPEAKER_08What sort of chairs do you have at your dining room table? Tell me they're glass.
SPEAKER_06What sort of chairs do you have at your dining room table? Plastic ass chairs. Yeah. What sort of chairs do you have?
SPEAKER_09We've got like, it's like the clear plastic. Yeah. What sort of chairs do you have?
SPEAKER_08Shitty IKEA chairs. Yeah. So we have black plastic chairs with the wooden legs that come down that were 60 bucks at IKE. We had four of them. They've lasted us a very fucking long time. And those kids powel drive those things into the floor. Oh yeah. 10 out of 10 recommend. This life partner of mine.
SPEAKER_06These are the things he wouldn't be able to say at home.
SPEAKER_08I can't say these at home. I love her so much.
SPEAKER_07This mark just goes offline all of a sudden. Oh no. It happened again.
SPEAKER_08I really do like I fell in love with my wife over the holidays. So like I'm this is my little like cheat code or cheat night, if you will.
SPEAKER_04There you go. Okay. Love it.
SPEAKER_08Um she bought white, felt like felt. White. Thank you, Dave. She calls it gray. I'm gonna take a picture of it. It looks like my socks right here. Buclair. Six of them. We need how many people are in my family? All my friends are here, and you guys never come over.
SPEAKER_07It's really far dry. We came over one.
SPEAKER_04Six fucking chairs! Was it like a buy five get one free deal or something? Maybe it gets better.
SPEAKER_08Today.
SPEAKER_07It probably looks so nice though when you first set it up.
SPEAKER_08It it hasn't because it's being set up in stages. Okay. So today, she tells me the rug shipped. White. It's fucking beige. I said what rug for underneath the table?
unknownWhat?
SPEAKER_03Where do you spill stuff? So much easier to sweep up Cheerios out of a rug.
SPEAKER_10Cheerios is cute. Craft dinner. Slime, grab dinner.
SPEAKER_08My son, before he eats his grilled cheese, you know what he makes me do? Squirt the ketchup into his mouth. Do you want ketchup on your grilled cheese? Yeah. And you squirt it in my mouth first. That's what he gets. I have to fucking bite. Yeah. I have to ketchup into his mouth, and then he takes a bite of the grilled cheese before I can put it on his plate and he can dip it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you missed people.
SPEAKER_05I have I might as well put ketchup in a water gun and fucking shoot it at him. And she has me with white linen checkers on a beige on a beige or table. Because the wood burner scene, the wood from the table clashes with the wood and the floor. She's trying her best. It looks so good. We're not in the look good furniture either of our house.
SPEAKER_08Shut up, Joe. Here's what I had to do. After meal number one, because I had to put the placemats down. Yeah, the kids fucked the table up. Oh yeah. And then they're dropping shit everywhere. So you know what dad had to do? Go downstairs into the basement and bring up the two black chairs that the kids are allowed to eat off of now. Now you got eight chairs.
SPEAKER_06We've doubled down on chairs.
SPEAKER_04Eight chairs. Oh no. Two eating chairs.
SPEAKER_08White linen chairs are sitting beside my water machine things. And there's four white chairs at my table with two black ones for the kids to sit at. That's aesthetically pleasing, I guess. I'm gonna have a heart attack.
SPEAKER_10Just telling the story.
SPEAKER_06We had a friend of ours that after they had their first kid, she went out and bought a white couch, like sectional white couch, and this was the same discussion that we had with her. No, you're not there yet. You're at the beginning of when you never get to buy white furniture again. Yeah, it's that's a retirement thing.
First Butcher Trip And Sticker Shock
SPEAKER_08We yeah, it is. We have a gray couch, and you the only thing that sold me on it was that you're you can wash the cushions so you can like unzip them and take them up. These fucking cushions have been washed more than my underwear.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_08Like we're talking serious stains over here. Yeah, and where do we say what like when you don't eat on the couch, go to the kitchen table?
SPEAKER_04Don't eat at the kitchen table, go to the couch, get on the kitchen table because it's more washable.
SPEAKER_06Go get you're gonna have a painter's tape box on the floor. That's where the kids are allowed to be. There's no haha here. That's my life.
SPEAKER_04That's true.
SPEAKER_06Outside on the deck. I'm like, the table is beautiful.
SPEAKER_09It's not even summer. Like, think of Mav going outside and playing in the mud and the grass. I don't have some coming inside.
SPEAKER_08So then, so that happens. Yep. And I'm in like I love to smoke meat, okay? So I'm a big Eagles fan. We didn't make it on the weekend, but I was like, I feel like it's my fault because usually when the Eagles I watch the Eagles on the Sunday, I smoke the meat. Yeah, but I haven't been able to do that in life. I made a commitment this year that Sundays are my family days. That's it. That's what it's for. So I broke that on this weekend because I'm like, the football game's on, the Eagles are gonna play, and I'm gonna smoke. Mom gets a day off. I'm like, I basically just want to be in the kitchen. Right. I didn't realize how much of a pussy I was.
SPEAKER_09Let's just keep in mind, pussies are very resilient, okay? They are strong.
SPEAKER_08I don't know why I got all vulgar all of a sudden.
SPEAKER_09Beautiful.
SPEAKER_08I apologize. Beautiful edit that out. I didn't realize how much of it how much of a wimp I was. Please edit that out.
SPEAKER_10Please edit that out. There's a lot of dead air after that pussy dropped.
SPEAKER_04Sorry. You definitely don't want dead air at the moment. Please edit out all of those comments. We're just getting her bleep them all.
SPEAKER_06That'll be more fun. Get back into our vibe, you know? Anyways, you whipped.
SPEAKER_08I don't like meat very much. Okay. But I like the idea of like when you think of like smoking, you're like, ribs. I can't stand ribs. Okay. Like the look of them. Like, I can't stand like the raw meat. No, I can't. Meat off a bone, not for this guy. Gotcha. Right? And I'm jealous of that because it's like I want it so bad. Yeah. So I'm trying to think of like, oh, well, I've done all the things that I'm like my palate has consumed before. My wife is phenomenal at like pairing foods and and all of that stuff. So I'm like, do you think I would like a beef tenderloin? She's like, yeah, 100%. So I'm like, okay, sweet. I want to get it from a butcher. And she's like, that's crazy. I was like, I want to celebrate like just the first year, like things are, you know, we had some things that we want to celebrate. So I was like, invite your parents over, we'll do like a legit good dinner. Like, it is what it is. So we go on this hunt to find a butcher, kind of like in our area. And oh my god, you want to talk about privilege? Buying meat from a butcher. Especially a nice beef tender like that. So I walk into this with my family. This meat. This is my first butcher experience. And I've got a couple of smokes, successful smokes, under my belt now. So I'm feeling like I know what's up. I've got my rub down. I I know how to brine things. I'm good. You got bags for that. Bro, buckets even. Yes, sir. So we go into this meat store, and my son is goes, What's that smell? And Rob Robin goes, it's just the meat. It's like the blood and stuff. He goes, I'm gonna throw up.
unknownI'm gonna throw up.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna throw up.
SPEAKER_08It's a very small store. We're not talking grocery store levels here. It's like literally walking into the meat department at a fucking grocery store. Yep. And he's yelling that he's gonna pee. I panic. I took my hand to my daughter, which is broken by the way, which is another story. Oh, and then I'll grab and then I grab my son who's yelling he's gonna vomit, and like I'm not calling his bluff because he does that shit. I pull him out of the store. And now my wife is standing there in the store as the man of the house.
SPEAKER_04It's the perfect sound though.
unknownOkay. That's just perfect.
SPEAKER_08No, we're not. In the car, like gone. And my wife comes out and goes, What the fuck was that? Goddamn idea. What are you doing? I was like, I didn't want him to puke everywhere. She's like, who cares? If he pukes, he pukes. I was like, I don't want him to puke. She goes, she goes, just go in and ask if they have pork tenderloin. I'm like, no problem. So I walk up to the thing. She switched, we switch places high five on the way, right? So she's going to wrangle. The kids put them in the car and has left me alone with the credit card to go into the meat store. So pork tenderloin. No, beef tenderloin. Okay. You said pork and you're very different. Oh, okay. No, no, no. So I go up and I say, sorry, sorry, it is beef tenderlin. So I go up and I'm like, excuse me, miss, do you guys have a beef tenderline? She goes, Yeah, sure, no problem. But how much do you need? I said, We need according to my calculations. We need three pounds. She goes, perfect, no problem. She goes in, the burliest man I have ever seen without tattoos, comes in. This is the type of guy that has a beard that has never been oiled, somehow glistening like a lumberjack.
SPEAKER_07He's butchering the animal in the back.
Smoking Tenderloin Panic And Save
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Like and wearing his blood. Okay. He comes out. I'm pretty sure he didn't have sleeves on his t-shirt. Like this was a man's man. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, Do you want me to trim it? And I was like, Yes, please. He goes, wrap it. And I was like, that sounds amazing. Thanks, bro. So now I'm watching this dude fucking and with an very gently with a knife, just like circumcise this piece of beef. Got it out. And then wraps it, slaps a sticker on it, right? Hands it over to me. I don't even look at the thing. I was just in awe of what just happened. And I walk over and the girl's like, okay, is that everything? I was like, yeah, I think. Oh, how much like those chicken breasts look freaking amazing? Are those like a full chicken? Because they're stuffed with like a whole bunch of different stuffed. And it was$8.99. So I'm like, the price is reasonable. It's like a chicken and it's stuffed with like gouda and smoked fucking flamage. So much, like my mouth was watering. I'm like, how are you gonna throw up in this place? Then she says, that'll be$172. And then I go, I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up.
SPEAKER_10Somebody grabbed my hand.
SPEAKER_08I didn't even say anything. I'm not even, I'm not over-exaggerated. I'm not, I just stared at this this woman's shoe. I was like staring. And she goes, Is everything okay? And I was like, Yep.
SPEAKER_01Sure is.
SPEAKER_08And I walk outside and I have this like baby wrapped in thing.
SPEAKER_09Very expensive.
SPEAKER_08And I just get in the car and Rob's like, oh, they did have it. And then I just didn't say anything. I just handed her the thing, and I was like, please don't ever let me do that again. And she goes, Why the hell would you spend$172?
SPEAKER_05The same woman was the which came first.
SPEAKER_08The table. The table came first. And I was like, I don't want to, I don't want to, she's like, why wouldn't you just say no? And I was like, I didn't want to sound like I don't want to be that guy.
SPEAKER_05I didn't want to be that guy that was like, uh, okay. That's legit.
SPEAKER_06Like, sorry for the awkward moment. Can I have another one?
SPEAKER_08My buddies in the middle, like, yo, remember that 50 bucks I like to give a fucking pack in high school?
SPEAKER_07I need that shit right on the meat. Only$175.
SPEAKER_09Your wife's parents come over for dinner and you charge them cover at the door. It's gonna be$250.
SPEAKER_08I have the picture and I'll put it in the Patreon group. Don't let me forget. I sent the picture of just the package with the total on it and sent it to my father-in-law, Alan. And I was like, friendly reminder. Please remember to tip your server.
SPEAKER_07The pressure you must have felt smoking that thing.
SPEAKER_09So yeah, you don't want to burn that. Dry it out.
SPEAKER_08I may or may not have like I definitely verbally assaulted ChatGPT. Oh no, okay. Because the time I've never done a full meal before. Oh no. And I have to so like usually Robin QBs the whole thing. Right. It's like you're good to put the meat on now. And I put the meat on, and then that's what I do. Easy peasy.
SPEAKER_10Does she tell you when to like flip it, when to check it? It sounds like you've never smoked. I think Robin threw you. He's just the toll. I'm wearing another kitchen utensil for your wife.
SPEAKER_07She dance with me, puppy mask. Meat man. Dance with me, meat man. So she doesn't have to go outside. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_08She's smarter than the average boy. Fetch my meat. So I plug everything into ChatGBT and I was like, we want to eat at 5 30. So it's like, no problem. Put the, do all this stuff. And based on these things, you're gonna want to have the internal temperature of the meat, pull it when it's at 122, and then let it sit for 30 minutes, tented, and then it'll be ready to serve. Okay? That's what it's telling me. So then I'm like, okay, I'm doing scalloped potatoes with aged fucking Montreal, some expensive things. Delicious. Okay. Um gouda. And I don't know, whatever the thing is. So it's like, when do I put the potatoes on? And it's like the potatoes are gonna take 50 to 75 minutes, and then your your garlic bean thing is gonna take another 20 minutes. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna put the potatoes on now and check the temperature of the meat. It's three o'clock. The temperature of the meat, 128 degrees. Oh no. And it's three o'clock. And it's three o'clock. And I'm just putting the potatoes on now.
SPEAKER_02Uh oh.
SPEAKER_08That's devastating. So I'm plugging into Chat GPT. What do I do? Yeah, SOS, 100%. I'll send you the screenshot of my conversation in Chat GPT. Things are so bad. And like I might even read you a little bit of it. Because it's literally like once the meat hits 122, take it out and tent it. Right. And then serve it after 20 to 30 minutes. And I'm like, what part of this shit are you not understanding? I can't do that.
SPEAKER_07You're gonna have to serve it as leftovers.
SPEAKER_08The potatoes are going in, and if I tent it, you have me tenting this for two and a half hours.
SPEAKER_09Is everything being cooked in the smoker?
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_09Oh, okay. Potatoes and all.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Okay. So it's like you have to put the potatoes in like a cast iron skill. Oh god, it's so freaking good. Anyways. It does sound delicious. So I pull this out and then I'm in the chat to be like, we're not ta I wasted 45 minutes trying to figure out what I'm doing. I'm like, the meat is the like, what do you want me to do? Can I put it in the oven under like keep warm? Is that gonna overcook it? It's like, yes, you can. I'm like, okay, fuck, I feel good. But you run the risk of overcooking.
SPEAKER_05And I was like, this is a$200 piece of meat. There's so much pressure.
SPEAKER_07I hate you so much. Everybody get over here right now. We're eating meat. Like Robin.
SPEAKER_08You got 20 minutes. Robin was like, I've never had the day off before. And her and her mom took the kids swimming, and they said they had the best day ever. They didn't have to think about dinner. Right. It was like, and she was like, it was awesome. My mom was like, and it was, I was, I felt so good about being able to do that for them. Right. That I was like also equally fucking pissed at this chat GPT thing. And my my father-in-law is there, and like he doesn't know how to cook. So he's just like, I'm gonna let you fight with your robot, and I'm just gonna go over here and watch Formula One. No problem. Great call, Al. Basically, what happened was I took it, I kind of MacGyvered this little thing. I put bourbon on the bottom of this um like pan. I tinted it the meat over the bourbon and put it in the oven. And basically what that did was the the I don't care what it did.
SPEAKER_09Did it finish well or not?
SPEAKER_0815 out of 10.
SPEAKER_09Okay, okay. Great save, great save.
SPEAKER_08It all worked.
Dad Dinners, TikTok Pasta, And Kid Chefs
SPEAKER_09out and now everybody's like oh we need it and I was like shh never again never again this meal's too expensive for this table this table's too expensive for these chairs no one can sit on this it's hard to do a full like a good a good meal so it's not just me like does do you guys that's what that was what this whole word salad was going to be about my kids always say oh we're having a dad dinner oh no if I'm not ordering pizza because they know it's like you got craft dinner you got eggs we've got grilled cheese like I'm a very basic chef so um over the break though I did I did uh a taco night and made tacos um and we did uh chicken and pierogies the pierogies were delicious um but yeah usually it's pretty uh pretty dad basic to froze if it's coming from me it's coming from frozen like we have this thing called TikTok pasta which I still don't know how it it's done but Robin got the recipe from TikTok so that's what we call it okay but it's like it's the pasta with some sort of green spread and like a it looks like jam but it's not pesto yep pesto you put that in so you basically put olive oil feta cheese pesto and some cherry oh yeah tomatoes yeah that is like the TikTok you melt all that down and then you mix that in with the noodles and the kids delicious kids absolutely loved it. Nice so that's like her go-to like cheat thing in it and I'm like this way over my head like I'm quick dinner then my son learned how to make shepherd's pie so for school one of their school projects was they had to cook a meal at home and then like write about it and tell them tell the class what they made and everything. And chicken pot pie is his favorite so he's like I want to learn how to make that so my wife taught him and he was so proud of it. Like he put all the stuff in did all the things and he was so happy and now he's like I know how to make chicken pot pie so then literally yesterday he was like so can I make that this week and we're like sure sure man yeah go for it why not that's perfect. No not yet so I think that's tomorrow's dinner.
SPEAKER_08Oh I can't wait for that update.
SPEAKER_06Yeah see how that goes that's why we I think we're signing up Murph for a week long like culinary camp this summer that was one of my things of like if we could kind of steer her in the direction of being a cook all over that she can cook meat food Meg can eat her own food it'll turn into having to make a special meal for Meg instead of for the kids. We'll get there.
SPEAKER_09Aria has uh labeled herself the pancake queen she loves making pancakes good job that's her her dish that she is uh happy to be able to make nice yeah I'm not a cooking guy if it was left to me it's very much a dad meal like it's something quick and easy.
SPEAKER_06I've made a lot of things but always with instruction.
SPEAKER_09It's like uh I like it. It's the it's all the prep that goes with it which is like the the weight that often hangs on the person who does the cooking the majority of the time is like the what do we have in the cupboard that's that running list of groceries and then there's been so many times it's like all right let's make this and you go to the cupboard it's like shit we don't have any of that. Alright let's do this oh shit we're missing this for that and it's like we don't have the stuff it's like yeah to do a full proper meal and stuff making sure you have fresh things expensive it's so expensive but it's like I felt like such an idiot because I'm just running around and like it's so r you feel rushed.
SPEAKER_08Right. Right especially yeah if if you're not practiced like and you don't do it a lot and like I don't I don't even like like I don't have a big palette. I didn't grow up with like a you know what I mean like we didn't have the meals so it's like w what what is onion powder? Like what do you like I don't know what all the stuff is or like even the pesto I don't know what any of that stuff is. And so when I'm like I'm super green trying to learn all this stuff and I like I'm the type of person that has to measure out everything and have it in like cups.
SPEAKER_09Yeah yeah ready to rock oh that was one that we did measuring cups no we just made like our own chicken fingers um like with batter and with like crushed we used crushed choritos yeah um and then there was it was a TikTok recipe as well and it had like a sauce that went with it like a spicy Thai sauce or something like that. Yeah that was a lot of fun but that was you cued that memory for me because that was me like measuring everything out and putting it into the bowls and then you're tossing the chicken and all the different things there's so many things that I want to talk about this episode's gonna be like a like I think it's over but I like it's crazy.
SPEAKER_08Yeah how was Christmas everybody you want to do a full Christmas episode right now New Year's you got any New Year's resolutions there's there's so many things maybe we like pick off different topics or like talk about it another time but like our whole thing was like unrighteous like my I don't want to get into it right now but like my daughter was like literally we're sitting in the kitchen and she's like talking about this other kid and she's like her dad does coke and we're like both Robin and I look at each other and we're like do you know what that means no she full on like was like no the drug and I was like you're eight years old who told you that you know that so like that's conversation we'll talk about another time. Fun fun fun but like my brain went to like I'm gonna kill this like I'm right we're like this is not topics that we like the I was not prepared to have this conversation this early. Yeah yeah yeah that's totally fair and so it's like for me it's like how do you have those when do you have those that's something we definitely need to talk about. Yep.
SPEAKER_09Uh are you just giving us like a cliff notes now of that we can talk about like speed ramping because it keeps people interested as to what's coming up next.
Snow Days, Broken Finger, And Timing Chaos
SPEAKER_08My my daughter broke her finger and we like I felt like my whole family felt like a neglected like she broke it on the 23rd and we're like ah you're you're fine it's probably just a sprain probably just a sprain and then her face swelled up on like boxing day. We'd take her to the hospital and then they're like oh that she's got like an infection here and then we're like oh can we like because her fingers keep turning purple you think we can do an x-ray and like maybe the thing and then they do an x ray like yeah her hands broken and her growth plate and we're like what happened like yeah we gotta book a thing with a plastic surgeon see she's I was like what anyways no surgery there but fucking bad dad moment there I'll tell you that for free that but it like completely where we live we get a ton of snow so the kids have been off the kids were off I counted 23 days no school today was their first day full day back at school no snow days sorry today's Tuesday yesterday was their first full day back really the first week of school was the the 19th they canceled school because of the weather which would have been their last day yeah right so they didn't get a last day of school so they were all pissed off like going into it because that's like their day or whatever. Right. And then we we went through went through and then like they were supposed to go back on the Monday snow day Tuesday snow day Wednesday snow day and then it was like the most beautiful winter day in the whole world snow day they're like we're dealing with like the ramifications and then now they're saying tomorrow or Thursday are supposed to be snow day.
SPEAKER_09That's craziness. Anyways um and then I wanted to talk about traditions too because we're at the stage of like we're about ready to be like traditions love that love tradition I want to I want to talk about uh like habits and resolutions and stuff like that. Um you always want to talk about that at the same time I do I I kind of started before New Year's because I had a moment of it was after kind of messaging with you. Yeah um about New Weekmark. Yeah sorry I pointed at him um like why wait till New Year's like why are you like oh in New Year's I'll do it or oh I'll do it when this happens and I was like fuck it I'm doing it tomorrow and it woke up and made the change. So I've been doing kind of uh I call it 75 light. So I'll update you on that and I like it. I love that I I it's more loving I'm telling you I want to talk about books I've been reading what I classify myself as a reader now. I am a reader I am no longer somebody who's trying to read I'm a reader and I think you're I'm getting dopamine hits from it. I'm loving it like I self-help or just the thing yeah there's like a few different ones that have gone through but they're not like non or they're yeah nonfiction yeah like um in the self-help like psychology kind of range never really been enjoying them business loving it like loving like the idea of thinking about our business in a different way um life's been really exciting a lot of cool things there's another thing that um if everything goes well I'll be able to talk about it next week um that'll just hang out in the air like that. Jeff Ryan knows about it actually so he's the only one on the podcast in the know you guys know about it. You just don't clue into it yet that's something really exciting in our life kids sports has been crazy and all over the place met a really really great dad that I want to tell you guys about sounds like a loser.
SPEAKER_06We found a PS4 in our basement whoa you found it boom good find roasted love it dude I bought cat like Crash Bandicoot whole family like we are straight up addicted to I want to talk about sports and video games that's perfect I love that crazy crazy crazy what's going on in your life Joe I just want to listen welcome to the Dana Mark show you guys talk we chime in yeah no Meg and I are on a journey for doing the splits this year that's our fun thing okay that's so we decided that in 2026 we're both going to learn how to do the splits flexibility stretching kids are healthy and happy coops we're continuing on our hockey journey there's a lot of fun things to talk about there with hockey that gets into sports yeah it just turned six what a stun he really wild still loving hockey wild and I'm enjoying it way more than I thought I would maybe coaching is in my future we'll see oh I want to coach a team it's honestly crew crew's gonna be cool I'm so jealous of you and Jordan it's so much more fun than I thought it was gonna be I was so reluctant to sign up to actually assist and help with the coaches did you do the course and stuff?
Resolutions, Reading, And Habit Shifts
SPEAKER_07Oh yeah the whole course online a lot of hours you have to put into that so awful yeah it is I gave up I was like sorry I was like sorry bud they won't let me on the ice I don't know what it's like a police background check or something I don't know but I failed the background I'm gonna come I'm gonna come watch every game Brian Cole's notes what's happened in your life uh some things I got um our son is going in for uh to get his tonsils out in February so he's got surgery coming up so that's a little bit nerve wracking yeah it's kind of messing with him a little bit like he's thinking a lot about it so uh yeah that's something that'll be interesting to navigate um our daughter is going on a second round of antibiotics for a sickness she has right now yeah yeah so that's fun poor girl um yeah uh doing some projects around the house uh that's your house that you don't know about it but it's all great things like that everything's good so that's what you guys gotta look forward to coming up on more Real Dad podcasts we are happy to be back together this feels right this feels good we had a long pre-talk before the podcast about what the podcast is gonna look like in the future and we realized that this is what we got this is what we have we got the ability to walk in the room click record and have fun chat with each other are you gonna ask them for help or yeah I mean if anybody feel like you are though that's the problem I was gonna jump in there if you anybody out there would like to be a part of this podcast if you are a producer type person somebody who is maybe administrative um with skills in how to grow a podcast or what the hell we should do um we would love to chat with you so even if you're not qualified we'll bring you on oh yeah give it a shot yeah also there's no pay for the love of the game it's gotta be a love volunteer for the love of the game for the love volunteer because that's all we're doing here and uh yeah I mean the commission we could give we can do high fives and hugs we can report some stuff at 100% I think we can offer friendship 4% of the podcast friendship do we each give them one percent okay we're not really selling it but you might be out there and uh if you're looking for a role if you're bored if you're a parent that's bored and has nothing else to do everyone needs a lot of it's gonna change your life it would change somebody's life if they've honestly would they must at least like us a little bit so they'll get to see us and hang out with us if you're looking for a life changing job that won't pay let us know let us know good or bad well my son before he eats his grilled cheese you know what he makes me do squirt the ketchup into his mouth you want ketchup on your grilled cheese?
SPEAKER_08Yeah and you squirt it in my mouth first that's what he gets I have to fucking I have to squirt the ketchup into his mouth and then he takes a bite of the grilled cheese before I can put on his plate and he can dip it. Oh you missed people I have I might as well put ketchup in a water gun and fucking shoot it at him