The Real Dad Podcast
Each week, these four fathers cover a wide range of "Dad" related topics, from the joys of watching your child grow up to the challenges of balancing work and family life. With their unique blend of humor and authenticity, Dave, Joey, Brian, and Mark provide a refreshing perspective on what it means to be a dad in today's world.
Tune in for the laughs, stay for the heartfelt conversations about the struggles and triumphs of parenting. Whether you're a seasoned dad or a soon-to-be father, "The Real Dad Podcast" is the perfect place to connect with other dads and get the support you need.
Join us on this journey of fatherhood, and subscribe to "The Real Dad Podcast" today!
The Real Dad Podcast
Raising Resilience Without Losing Your Cool
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A bathroom laugh turned into a masterclass on resilience. We start with the messy, human moments—sick nights, forgotten bags, and a hotel check-in with no wallet—and trace how those hiccups reveal what our kids really need from us: presence over perfection, support without smothering, and the right kind of hype at the right time.
From there, we get real about the tightrope parents walk. When your kid’s crush fizzles or a coach leaves them on the bench, do you correct, console, or cheer like their best friend? We unpack how to read the room, why sometimes you validate the sting before you teach the lesson, and how to avoid turning every moment into a lecture. The heart of it all: kids grow most when they feel seen, not managed.
Sports become our testing ground. Wrestling and jujitsu bring emotion to the surface fast—wins, losses, and the raw struggle to escape a hold. We break down how schools structure safe early exposure, what mismatches look like, and how parents can coach from the sidelines without rescuing. The takeaway isn’t medals; it’s tolerance for discomfort and the belief that effort changes outcomes. We also share practical scripts for letting kids talk to coaches and teachers, handle sibling conflicts, and own their choices—while knowing we’re right there if they need backup.
We close by reframing hard seasons as training, not failure. Life cycles through tough, neutral, and good; the goal isn’t to dodge the hard parts but to learn you can survive them. Show up for their debate, their match, their play—whether you fully get it or not—and you teach them their voice matters. Tap play, subscribe, and share this with a parent who’s learning to step back without stepping away. What’s one challenge you’re letting your kid own this week?
Cold Open: Parenting And Poop Humor
SPEAKER_09Yes, we correct our kids and tell them not to be mean to people, but is there a time when you need to just be their friend and jump on their bandwagon? Sure.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I think there's definitely those moments that you can have with your kids. Because they have to know that it's not always going to be the parrot correcting them. Correction, yeah. For those moments, right? Where like that's always gonna have its place and that should always be the anchor of your relationship. But that's what she needed from you in that moment. Exactly.
SPEAKER_04It's like read the moment to be like, nah, you're a good kid. Yeah. So we have to shit on this other kid for a minute, I think.
SPEAKER_09So my daughter's just searching for me to be her like hype person.
SPEAKER_06Say the things that I'll get in trouble for saying. Yeah.
SPEAKER_10If you got some time to relax your mind, come on.
Sick Kids, Puke Bowls, And Survival
SPEAKER_09The Real Dad Podcast. Welcome to the Real Dad Podcast. I'm Dave. I'm Joey. And I'm Brian. Let's dad. Today we're going to talk in the most obnoxious voice possible for the entire time because Mark's not here to tell me to shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_08So I walk in the house yesterday, and uh my oldest son, Leo, is like more excited than I've seen him in a long time. He's like pumped. It's my my mom is there for her birthday dinner. We we started a tradition of like just having her over and cooking her dinner for her birthday. Love that. And uh she also wants to be involved in the cooking now because she just loves it. So it's fun. Um, but anyway, I walk in the door and he's like, Dad, I've been waiting for you to get home. I want to show you guys something. He's like, Grandma Lori, come with me, mom, come with me, dad, come with me. And he starts walking us towards the bathroom.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, what the second cannot be good?
SPEAKER_08So I go first and then I walk in the bathroom, and it smells like he just took a shit.
SPEAKER_03So I'm like, I'm like, mom, just it's cool.
SPEAKER_08Just be back for a minute. He's like, come look. He shows me in the toilet, and it's like, he's his poop has formed a happy face in the toilet.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_08He was dying laughing. And he was like, he was so upset that Grandma Lori wouldn't come look at it for a minute. So then he grabbed my phone and he took a picture of it. And now it's on my phone.
SPEAKER_09Can we post that on Patreon? Is that something they want to see? Maybe we'll make them vote for it. Or we'll put on a sensor and like we can do it as like a swipe. And the first one is like a sensor and then a swipe if you actually want to see it.
SPEAKER_08Oh my god. Of all the poop adventures with that kid, that was by far the best one. There you go. No math. Yeah. It's all entertainment.
SPEAKER_09I mean, where's the toilet paper though? Did you not want to cover it? That's actually a good hindsight.
SPEAKER_06Yikes. I think you gotta shower that in.
SPEAKER_09It could have been a clean wipe, too. Yeah, clean wipe. You never know. That's so amazing.
SPEAKER_04I'm so glad you're home. Come with me.
SPEAKER_09I love that that's the thing that set a different tone, though. That like when you walked in, you knew something was different. And like, man, he's really happy. He's a really good night now.
SPEAKER_08He's in a good mood. I've been waiting for so long for you to get home.
SPEAKER_04Everybody else has been holding it because I'm not letting anybody use that bathroom.
unknownYou can't.
SPEAKER_09You can't ruin this. Waiting, looking out the window. Come on, Dad. Hurry up.
SPEAKER_08You need to turn the fan on, buddy. You're gonna let that just sit there. That's incredible.
SPEAKER_09So we are without our mark today, so one of you guys are gonna have to tell me to shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_02Shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_09Okay, thank you. Um he is at home with some sick kids. That man has been uh through a journey because last week we were gonna record and he we were gonna do like a virtual recording, even, but then his got sick and then yours got sick.
SPEAKER_05My family was unwell last week.
SPEAKER_09Then you went through it. Now Mark's going through it. It's no good. No fun.
SPEAKER_05It's no fun at all. Sick kids is the worst. And then when your partner goes down as well, it just adds insult to injuries. That's tough. Um, in our home, I think we've talked about this before, but Meg does not deal with puke. So other people puking, not her thing. Yeah. So that means I'm dad mode. So when it starts to happen, I'm in. I already told Brian about it, but the second night was the worst night. So first night was coop, just one puke in the night, mostly fine. He'd done it before bed, actually, and then it was just the middle of the night he got up. So second night now, because then we were supposed to record that next night, and that's when I was like, listen, it was a rough night. I was up with coop. I think I just need to take the night off. Very glad that I did in hindsight, because then we get woken up at about 1:30. Meg's already up and out of bed. I get woken up by the yell of mom. Mom! Like, okay, now I'm startled out of bed. So I get up, I'm in my underwear, disheveled as hell. Meg walks in the room. I'm like, what do you need? You need help? She's like, Yeah, I need help. Murph puked on the floor. So like, ah, shoot. So I start towards Murph's room, but then Ben realize that Meg had also started in that direction. She turns around and hands me a bowl. And I was just looking for the bowl. I'm very tired. I'm ready. I was like, what? She's like, no, Murph's in the bathroom. And I was like, okay, I deal with the puke. So I'm clearly going to the bathroom. She's probably maybe going to deal with the mess, but again, I usually deal with the mess as well because of the smell. Walk into the bathroom, lights are off as I'm walking towards Murph. That's when I realized she had puked on the bathroom floor, not her bedroom floor, as I step in it with both feet.
SPEAKER_04That's perfect. Just step into the shower. Handed her the bowl, and I was like, all right. And then Meg came around the corner. She's like, oh, you didn't step in it, did you? I was like, throw me the get out. Mopping it up off the floor. It was an adventure.
SPEAKER_09That is a scene from a TV show. Oh yeah. This is the most appropriate opening to a dad podcast. Poop and puke. That's gonna be the name of this episode.
Cleaning Chaos, Tidying Tactics, Sanity Restored
SPEAKER_04That's what you have to look forward to when you uh join into fatherhood.
SPEAKER_09Um, I don't know if we've talked about this before, but I've seen this like meme around about puking and like your childhood. And do you remember having the puke bowl? Oh yeah. Yes. Which also doubled as the popcorn bowl often as well, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_09Now as an adult, I'm like, I don't know how I don't think I could clean a bowl well enough to then reuse it for food, let alone serving to guests and stuff.
SPEAKER_05We have that.
SPEAKER_02We have it too.
SPEAKER_05We actually just had to get a new one uh just before all of this event, so it was nice to have a fresh one, but we had one. And it got to the point where there's a crack in the bottom, and finally the crack went through. Oh because it was also disgustingly enough what I would use to like soak my feet in that bowl.
SPEAKER_04No, popcorn. Popcorn and Juizeless.
SPEAKER_09Forget about microplastics.
SPEAKER_04We've got all the things.
SPEAKER_05To be fair, we didn't actually really use that bowl for anything but those things.
SPEAKER_09Okay, I was gonna lived in the kitchen. I was gonna say, if you had popcorn before the kids ended up puking, then we know why they were puking. Um, but our friend Kate Penny, she dropped uh some knowledge to my wife in a girls' group about like you can buy on Amazon like the puke bags.
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_09Um, and then you can just seal them up and throw them out. You don't have to clean up a mess. Obviously, your kid has to be at the age where they can throw up into this bag. That's important. Um and it's a little late because everybody's gone through their puking phase now. But I would highly recommend going to buy some of these. So now my wife has them in like her purse. She's got one in her purse, I've got one in the car. Like, just leave them around places so that you got random emergency puke bags. They're ready to run.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, there you go. I'm glad my kids are at least at the age where they can understand they need to try to get to the toilet. Right. Where it's like, get there. This was the first time Coop had kind of grasped it because he's thrown up most of his life, all of his life. He's just had stomach issues. But now he's starting to grasp it. And it's really funny to see your kid finally get to that point where they're holding on to the edges of the porcelain throat for dear life. Oh, it's the worst. She's only ever had the flu once before where she's thrown up, and it's now like two years ago. So she still talks about it, but it's so far removed. So then that that night last week when I'm just sitting in there with her, she's going through it. It's like the third or fourth time we're in the bathroom. She's like, This is the worst day of my life. Like, I know, I know it's the worst, and you just want it to end.
The Kingston Trip: Dad Fail To Recovery
SPEAKER_09And I'm interested to hear Mark's story when he comes back, if he graces us with that story. Right. Because I find it interesting to know what it would be like to have uh a spouse who is a clean obsessed person during that sick time. Because I don't know about you guys, but when my family gets sick, nothing else really happens in the house. Oh, yeah. The house goes to shit. It's just a disaster, and then afterwards you feel like shit because your house is a disaster, and then it's probably like, I don't know, two weekends later, so you're like, all right, we can't live like this anymore. We've gotta do something. Everybody's cleaning. Yep.
SPEAKER_08Find our self-respect.
SPEAKER_05Now, a suggestion, but a terrible suggestion, but it worked out famously for us is we had already had our house being planned to clean on the Friday. Oh, so we already had our good friend Ginny, uh, Brian's sister-in-law, booked to clean the house. Finish line. So we didn't realize this. Well, I guess we didn't remember this until Thursday. And then Meg looked up at me and it was like five o'clock. We're still in it. But like, but we knew we were out of it. Like both kids are now good. It's Coop had gone to school that day, but she's like, oh fuck, we got the cleaner tomorrow. Like, I'm just gonna cancel her. It was like, no, you can't cancel her, like that's less than 24 hours. I don't want to do that to her. It's not that bad. We can do it. And just buckle down. We got the kids down, we got the house prepped.
SPEAKER_09Because you have to pre-clean.
SPEAKER_05You just gotta tidy. Like, you can't have shit everywhere for cleaners. So the idea with yeah, to effectively use a cleaner's services, you have to tidy all of your things, then that way they can clean all the things out.
SPEAKER_09So you needed a tidying service before the cleaner. Exactly.
SPEAKER_05That would have been that's the clutchness, I guess. Book a cleaner and a tidier if that's a thing.
SPEAKER_08Uh that's gotta be a thing. But yeah, I would love a tidier. Don't even need the cleaner at that point. All you need is a tier.
SPEAKER_05So yeah, tidy cleaned on Friday, so that way by the end of Friday, it's like we had a clean, slate, new, fresh house through the sickness. That was nice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_09See, my my main floor is at the state of like, you know what, just let it be.
SPEAKER_02Let it be.
SPEAKER_09The dirty handprints on the wall and the grime going up and like the the trim being gross and dirty and falling off. It's like, you know what, we're gonna gut it. Like, it's at the state of like you can't even clean it. We're just gonna have to gut it eventually. So let's just wait till our next mortgage renewal and see if we can get some extra money.
SPEAKER_05You're just you're closer to restoration service than you are to clean it. 100% I am.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_05Tip the scale.
SPEAKER_09Like, it is so far beyond a cleaner. Like, they wouldn't be like it would take them forever to get it back to a good point. Like, you might as well just repaint the walls rather than clean them because it's gone that bad.
SPEAKER_05Fair enough. That's what uh oil-based primers are for, I guess. Don't cover anything.
SPEAKER_09You know that because you work for Broloz Construction, one of the best renovation crews in Durham region. I'm gonna start pumping our own tires, right? Especially when it's just the three of us, Marcus. So um, I had a bit of a dad fail this weekend. Okay. In multiple ways. Okay. Um, I thought I was setting myself up for success, realizing how much I need my wife in my life, um, and how she is just always more dialed in than I am. So my son uh had a basketball tournament this weekend in Kingston. Um, I was taking him roughly two hours away from where we are now. Oh, thank you for the context.
SPEAKER_05No problem.
SPEAKER_09Um I was taking him by myself. My wife was staying home. So I booked the hotel room. Um, I was getting everything ready. I was trying to be a big boy and like do all the things, like pack my own bag and tell my son what he needs to pack and all of those things, right? So like I thought I was doing all the right things. Uh, we had to leave super early in the morning, so I had my bag packed, I had my clothes set out so that I could just get dressed. Um, I had to think the last minute things like after I've woken up to put into the bag. So we do all those things. I come downstairs getting ready to go, and my son's like, I can't find my basketball shoes. Shit, okay. Tearing up the whole main floor looking for basketball shoes. As I mentioned, the main floor is a disaster, so you can't find shit. Um we're looking everywhere. I'm like, okay, I don't know where they are, like, where were they last? And he's like, Well, I had them at school for my last game there. Like, shoot, do you think you left them in your locker? He's like, I must have, because like we can't find them. Like, all right, it's getting close to time to go. We gotta get going. Do you have another pair of shoes? Like, or are we going to buy shoes? Like, what are we doing here? We're driving to Kingston and your school's locked. I can't get you shoes. Find the shoes that he can't like, these will do. They're older and dirtier, not the great shape. Okay, get those in, grab the bags, throw them in the car, and we start driving off to Kingston. We get to an on the run, which has like a Tim Hortons to go grab a coffee, get some breakfast, go to pull into there and reach down to my pocket. Oh no, no wallet. I'm like, that's okay. I got the Timmy's app. I can just pay with the phone. I'm like, but am I gonna be able to get into a hotel room without a credit card or my ID? Message my wife, hey, can you send me a picture of my wallet? Basically.
SPEAKER_04Like I let the things I might need.
Being The Hype Parent Versus The Moral Compass
SPEAKER_09She's like, it's not on your nighttail. I don't know where it is. I'm like, oh, it's uh probably in the closet on the thing, stuffed under something. It's like, yup, it was right there. I'm like, see, I knew where it was now that I've forgotten it. That part's impressive. Um, so then I'm like, oh I'll just see because there's no driving home to get a wallet and then get back out there in time for his game. Like, we're pot committed. Worst case scenario, we'll meet halfway, figure it out. Start driving with our Timmy's, and all of a sudden my phone rings again, and there's a message from my wife. Do you have Aria's hockey bag? I was like, What why would why would I have Aria's hockey bag? Like, is this just one of those? Oh, you forgot your wallet. Do you have Aria's hockey bag? They were all ready to go out the door for her hockey game, and her hockey bag wasn't in the garage. And it was in the back of the truck, halfway to Kingston, an hour away from where she needed it to be. Bummer. And it was probably one of my biggest like feeling like a failure of a dad romance. Like you let her down. I'm trying, like, I let her down, I let myself down for getting my wallet. Like, I was trying to be prepared and do all the things and be an adult. And then she was devastated. She was so sad because she had like woken up, she got all ready. It's not like they found out well before. Right. With like, you're dressed, you're ready, you're pumped to go play hockey. Yeah, it's not there. So she was super, super disappointed. My wife came through clutch. She took her to the mall with um our other daughter, they went shopping together, and that cured everything, and she still loves me, thankfully. Retail therapy. And also, we got into the hotel, everything was fine. I made it all weekend without a wallet, drove carefully so that it didn't get pulled over. And the phone now, you know, you've got your you can put your credit card on your phone to be able to tap and pay. So I was nervous, I felt uncomfortable not having your like security blanket and just the thing that you use for paying for everything. It's a very important document. Uh, but we made it through. We made it through.
SPEAKER_05Oh that's stressful.
SPEAKER_09It was stressful. It was a lot. I got stressed during the story. And it was so we put our bags like, and we didn't put them in the back of the truck, otherwise, I would have seen, but we put them in the middle. And then my daughter was like, It's okay, dad. Like, it was my fault. I should have brought my bag in. And like you have the moment of like, yeah, you know, you should have learned your lesson. You're right. But I was like, No worry, it was my fault. Like when we got home from your practice, I said, just leave it, I'll bring it in for you. And I didn't bring it in, and then it vanished from my mind and did not exist at all anymore. And the door and gone. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So other than the hockey bag, like the theory still stands that you'll make it work, you'll figure it out. Yeah, and we did. We made it work. That's what I always tell Maddie, like, I'll figure it out.
SPEAKER_09Yeah. Because and Ben was like, Well, what would you have done? Like, if like it wouldn't have. I'm like, Well, I probably would have asked one of like the other parents on the team if I could just use their credit card or like if they could throw me some money and then I'll EMT them. Right. It's like, yeah, it's an awkward conversation of like, yeah, I'm a big dumb dumb and forgotten, but can you help me out here? Right. It's more just like self-embarrassing, but you can always make something work. Yeah, absolutely. Make the most of something.
SPEAKER_05As long as you can get over it for yourself.
SPEAKER_09Yeah. So then to throw follow that up with a potential dad win.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_09You guys seem to win. I'm searching for a win. Okay. This is with my daughter, okay? So back to hockey. We're driving to hockey practice or hockey game today.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_09And we're driving in the car and we were just chatting, and she was like, Dad, uh, you know, I don't have a crush on my crush anymore.
SPEAKER_07I was like, Oh, okay, cool.
SPEAKER_09Like, all right. How come? And he was like, Well, the girls at school told him that I have a crush on him, and then they were like, Do you have a crush on her? And then he said he doesn't. So, like, when he rejected me, I just was like, I don't even like him anymore. And I was like, Yeah, okay, like, yeah, his loss, like, you know what? Like, you're better than that, whatever.
SPEAKER_10Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_09And she was like, Yeah, you know what's weird too? Like, when all of a sudden, like, he rejected me, I just I saw how ugly he actually was. And I was like, I was like, Wow, babe, that's not very kind. Like, uh, I mean, like, he's like, that's not a nice thing to say, but she's like, Dad, let me feel my feels, okay? And then I was like, Yeah, you know what? Fuck that ugly piece of shit. And she was like, Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about. I'm like, yeah, him and his stupid hair and his dumb broken leg. She was like, Yeah, exactly, dad. It took a hard turn there. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04You're getting one or the other. All of them. I feel like this is not the first time you've targeted a kid because of one of our kids.
Wrestling And Jujitsu: Grit And Emotions
SPEAKER_09But it made me think of like, yes, we correct our kids and tell them not to be mean to people, but is there a time when you need to just be their friend and jump on their bandwagon? I'm pretty sure of like breakups down the road and stuff like that. My one thing would be if you break up with somebody and we end up shit talking this person and we talk about all the reasons they're a piece of shit, then you can never get back together with that person because now I have cemented them as a closed shit in my life.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. No, that's facts. That happened with a friend of ours where, like, yeah, that went down. We all shit talked and then they got back together. It's like, how do you come back from that? This is awkward. We know too much. But yeah, I think there's definitely those moments that you can have with your kids because they have to know that it's not always going to be the parent correcting for those moments, right? Where like that's always gonna have its place, and that should always be the anchor of your relationship. But that's what she needed from you in that moment. Exactly.
SPEAKER_04It's like read the moment to be like, nah, you're a good kid. Yeah, so we have to shit on this other kid for a minute, I think.
SPEAKER_09So that was a good moment. It was a win. Like, let's ride this win to where it started to go down because then we didn't have the full story. I don't know if it doesn't work. That part of the story is just how long you double down on that for. Gotcha. Because then after the game, we were walking back to the car, and then she was telling me about this girl at school who was lying. She was like, Yeah, so like this girl at school, she said that she plays on a rep team and a select team, but then she came into school with her player of the game jersey, and it had like McDonald's on it, and she it was a house league team, dad. So she's on like she was loving. She's on and I was like, I was like, Well, no, like maybe she plays on like a house league and select. That's what you would usually do. And she's like, Yeah, but she said she was on a rep team too. And I'm like, Well, maybe, and I always do this for some well, maybe she plays on a rep team from every now and then. Maybe it's not like an always, but maybe they call her up to that team to play on it. And she was just kind of like, Dad, that's not. Like, that's not what I'm talking about. And I was like, oh yeah, fuck that girl. Alive.
SPEAKER_02She just keep alive.
SPEAKER_09Loser. So my daughter's just searching for me to be her like hypers.
SPEAKER_06Say the things that I'll get in trouble for saying.
SPEAKER_09So you're gonna have to keep me on a very tight rope here, boy.
SPEAKER_04Okay, okay, okay. Because now she's just going to come to you for the shit-talking my new role. I just dive into it.
SPEAKER_09It's a season. I've been watching too much uh like uh what did we watch? The blind dating one. The isn't it called Love is Blind. Love is Blind, yeah. We've been watching Too Much Love is Blind, where you just get to shit talk all the people on that show. You go on a reality TV show, you're signing yourself up for millions of people to watch and judge you.
SPEAKER_05Oh, yeah, that's all of your moves and life choices. That's all you're doing.
SPEAKER_09So I think I might be on that team now, or it's just like, you need me to be a judgy bitch. I'm a judgy bitch.
SPEAKER_08Let's go.
SPEAKER_09Call me up.
SPEAKER_08I'm gonna send my kids to Dave when they need a judgy bitch.
SPEAKER_06Go see Uncle Dave. Yeah. He'll jump on board with you on this one. Sometimes you just can't be one of them, you know.
SPEAKER_05Let's get on it. Murph's uh decided she wants to do wrestling. And I don't know how I feel about it.
SPEAKER_09I'm so excited for you.
SPEAKER_05I'm pretty pumped for her. I'm worried about the fact that, like, again, I think some of our kids have the same mindset where like she just decides that she's going to be the best when she gets into it. Right. Where she's like, Oh yeah, like I did jujitsu for a while and I did this. So, like, this will be pretty easy. I'm like, for some of it, yes, because you're a strong kid, you do have some technique. But if you run into another kid who's been wrestling, that's not gonna end well. So I'm like, I don't want to discourage you from doing it in the first place, but she's the type where I don't want her to get into it, and then the second she loses, she has the ability to just check out like that. Right. I'm like, I also don't want that, right? So it's like a little bit to navigate getting into this here, but she's pumped she's not doing it because anybody else is doing it, which is always mechanized first thing. It's like who else is doing it? She's like, I don't know, the code the teacher was talking about, and I didn't really want to do it. Okay, I like this. Yeah, get on board with this.
SPEAKER_09Because yeah, it's wrestling season in school, so they're teaching it right now in gym class, I believe. Yep. And then kind of gearing them up for the wrestling season that will start soon-ish, I believe. Um you remember me talking about our first years and stuff like that. They do a good job at the school of preparing them for it. That's good. So they do a lot of like just practice as a school where you're matching up with somebody in your class or in your age range or weight range and practicing moves, right? Is how it all just starts. And then they do a couple mini meets where they'll bring in another school and you can wrestle somebody for like um a shorter amount of time.
SPEAKER_05Right. And didn't you say they almost like can find each other to wrestle? Like the kids can pair up.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, so they write your weight on your hand and then you match up with somebody that's close to your weight, and you do a little match. And there are just like, okay, next, okay, you go, all right, next, you go, and it's just to like get them comfortable with it and learn everything. And then there's the one big competition day.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_09It is emotional, right? It is like let's lock a bunch of kids in a school hockey rink or in a hockey rink. There's two hockey rinks that they do it in. Okay. Um, battle to the death and feel all of their emotions while the parents watching. While the parents watch. Yeah. And like, yeah, like kids lose, they win, they get hurt, yeah, they injure themselves. And like there's one girl who broke a leg. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this to prep before it or not, or broke an arm or something. Like, there's like there's been big injuries, and there's anytime you put yourself on a line one-on-one like that in anything, right? It's going to evoke emotion. Oh, yeah. Losing in that versus losing in a team sport is so much more personal, right? Yeah. Um, and I remember it being like a great experience and a hard experience. Yeah. So, like, you're signing yourself up for conversations, right, for feelings, and for navigating wins and losses. Right. Because inevitably there will be a loss or a hardship or a tough time that they have these big emotions about. Right. And it really throws you into a fire as a parent to be like, How do we deal with this? Like, what do we do here? Like, you're okay, you've survived this, you're stronger than you think, you're getting through this. Like, it teaches adversity in a really cool way. Yeah. And I remember like I got emotional watching other kids that aren't even my own kids, right? Comete in this, where it's like you can see them putting everything they have into it. And it like, it brings out a different aspect of your kid, is what I've seen. Right. Yeah. Where Arya had the first year where it was a little bit rough and we got through it. Um, or no, she was doing really well. I can't remember that first year because she was doing well, and then there was this one girl that beat her and that almost made her quit. Right. And then she got back out there and did well.
SPEAKER_08Right.
Letting Kids Struggle: Coaching Resilience
SPEAKER_09Then she had another successful year, and then she was like, I'm so good, I don't even need to practice. And then got her ass kicked last year. And then she's like, Yeah, I don't know if this is for me anymore. Um, but my son Ben, like last year was his first year doing it, and I saw like just a whole nother element of him come out, like at this extra level of compete, and like when you like dig deep into yourself to do something and and move somebody, or escape is one of the crazier things. Like when you see them pinned down or in a compromised position and them trying to escape. And I think it's hard as a parent to watch because you can't, you're not allowed to step in and stop, but you're literally watching your kid get beat up, basically, or beat somebody else up, and then that parent's like uh-uh, and like you want to interfere, but then like when your kid's doing well, you're like, Yeah, God is back on it, it's just a lot, like it's a lot of emotions and it's a lot of things that you experience in that realm, right? Um, but I personally like have loved the experience of seeing your kid in that environment. It's very different, yeah.
SPEAKER_05And I think that's what'll be that's what will be different and tough because we did the jujitsu thing and she did jujitsu and uh Muay Thai, right? But it's at a dojo, so it's all very controlled and it's all very like yeah, it's everything's based in respect to your opponent and everything's in that. But like I've watched, I've had some videos come up now of kids wrestling where you're seeing these kids who are dominant and they're going up against another kid who's probably decent at wrestling, but they just fuck the kid up. It's not close. Yeah, the one I just saw, he's just whipping this kid around. All of a sudden, like the obviously the other kid eventually ends up breaking down. Where he's just like, What are we doing? Like somebody needed to stop this fight after the first move because it was very clear that he's been doing it much longer and much better than that other kid. But that's just that that that's the different setting where it's like they wouldn't have that in a dojo, where they're not gonna have a mismatch of that kind of style, where it's like that is just gonna happen in the in this scenario because you're gonna have kids who have been wrestling before and you're just gonna there's always gonna be mismatches, so yeah.
SPEAKER_09I think the benefit of the grade that she's doing it at is that most people are new to it, true, so it is fairly like those like watching the younger kids is pretty funny, like they're just like like just like reaching their hands out and like oh what am I supposed to do? And then their coaches are like, come on, go for it. And our school's coach, like our school is fairly well known for the wrestling team, and it's always been a fairly large wrestling team. Um, so he does do a good job and has other teachers there that are helping coach as well, right? And they do a good job of teaching the kids and how to get points and what to do. Right. So they see they usually seem more equipped than other schools, right? And then every now and then when you're watching, you see one of the older kids, and like you can often tell by the shoes because wrestlers' shoes are like a different look. Um, and you're like, uh, watch out, like that kid's he's got the shoes, he's got the shoes, he knows what he's doing. I like it because it's a very technical, it can be a very technical sport where a smaller person can prevail, like size doesn't necessarily mean win. It often does because you can overpower somebody, but if you know how to maneuver yourself in it, yeah, well, or if you just know you're smaller and you have a good coach, they'll teach you how to use their weight against them, yeah. Yeah, and though those were the fun things to teach the kids and stuff, and especially as a father of a daughter, my daughter learning those wrestling moves made me feel better. Yeah. In the fact of like she can fight her way out or escape a situation. I think like you don't want to go to those dark places in your mind, but you you still do because you're worried about your kids and what they might get put into situation-wise. And like I've always wrestled with my kids, and I will pin them down and let them try to get out of it. Like, I'll like lock them up with my arms and legs, and then stay still, and they have to wiggle and escape the situation and stuff, but then watching them compete and fight through adversity was really, really cool.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's why we did jujitsu when we did it with the kids. And that was a big motivator for Murph. And tonight when I was putting her to bed, we were talking about the wrestling and jujitsu and stuff. She's like, I think I want to do that again. And I was like, Murph, I would love for you to do that again. Like we put you into that without you wanting to go into it in the first place. Like, I want you to learn that, but we have to find one closer. And I'm like, if you're doing it again, you're sticking with it. So it's the same as last time. However many classes we sign up for, you're going to that many classes. And then if you want to be done, you can be done. Yeah. But it's like, I do think there is a ton of value. And I have like I've read it's for sure TikToks that I watched, but about like for especially girls getting them into jujitsu, where it's all about escape and holds, where it's like find their weakness, use it against them, neutralize them. Like that's what that is.
SPEAKER_08I feel so pathetic as a parent sometimes when it comes to talking about sports and your kids. Just like any mention of my kids wanting to get involved in something, I'm just like, really? I'm like, don't be too much, don't be too much, don't be too much. Like, dad, you're saying that out loud. And they just I feel like they're almost doing it on purpose now. Like, right. I've decided that we're signing crew, our youngest, up for ball hockey this summer. Okay. It's happening. Yep. So then Riley's like, Dad, I want to play ball hockey. I'm like, really? Like, let's okay, let's sign. And then, like, literally two minutes later, she's like, nah, I don't want to do that. I'm like, but we have so much fun outside when we play ball hockey together. She's like, Yeah, I don't want to do that. And every once in a while, I like with my oldest, I have to like tread lightly around it. Okay. Yeah. Because I want it to be his decision, but um every once in a while I'm like, you know, like I think you might really like some like this sport or that sport. He's like, Dad. Give me a break. He's like, you always do this.
SPEAKER_04Like, I consciously don't know.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I literally don't. Yeah, I just like look for the smallest opening in the door, and then you just shove it right in my face every time. It's such a struggle for me. Uh yeah. Hopefully, hopefully it changes sometime. Maybe they'll see crew like loving ball hockey and they'll want to get involved in that. Right. I don't know. Gotta start somewhere.
SPEAKER_09Yeah. And there are some things that I debated and wished I had of like forced my kid to do or force them to persevere. And um, our brother-in-law Josh talked about it. He was saying that with his son Kean, he's like, he never wants to do the thing. We sign him up, he never wants to do it. He's like, I don't want to go, this is so dumb. And then he ends up loving it and being like, I want to do this forever. It's like sometimes you do just have to push them into it. That being said, it's hard when it costs a lot of money to sign up for things if you don't know if you're getting that money back or not. But you also want your kid to want to choose something, but sometimes they don't know unless they've done the experience. Yeah, like I regret not putting my kids in hockey earlier and saying, like, no, you're doing this, and just like throwing them out onto the ice and go for it. Right. Um, but I don't know that the kids would regret it. Like it's more of like a me thing, like you said, like you get excited. So that's where, like, I think I question everything I just said, and that like I wish I had like I wish they were more, and that's what I don't think they necessarily do.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, like it would feel like me forcing him to do it would be for me, not for him. Yeah, and I don't feel good about that, right? Yeah, but it's like I've also had the conversation with him. I'm like, I don't want later in your life for you to look back and be like, hey dad, why didn't you do it? Like, right, teach me how to skate, or like he knows how to skate slightly, but you know what I mean. Like I'm like, and he's like, I'm not gonna do that. Like, I don't even like sports. I'm like, all right. It's gonna be the exactly, but I'll be there for whatever it is, whatever you decide, buddy.
Practical Ways To Build Agency At Home
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and that's just the big thing, is just show up. It's funny. I just saw for earlier today. Dad Chats, Daddy Chats, that guy. He's the lawyer from down in the States. Yeah, I really like his content. But he was talking about that because he was sports all growing up. Um, but then when he got cut from his baseball team in high school is when he started to realize maybe he's the I'm butchering this. Like when I was a kid, I had two things that I was good at athletics and talking way too much. He's like, and then I hit high school, I got cut from my first team, and I started to realize maybe I'm a little less good at athlet athletics, and maybe I'm just really good at talking too much. So then he joined a debate team. So then he talks about how he got to the debate team, immediately started doing well with it. His dad had no idea what the hell a debate team was, but he kept going with it until eventually he had a team where they would travel, and they traveled down to Boston, and his dad booked a flight without telling him and then showed up in Boston to his debate thing, where he's like, I saw him in the back, and I was so excited that he was there. We did the debate. He's like, Every time I looked at him, I could tell he had no idea what he was watching, what was happening. He's like, afterwards, like went up to him, gave him a big hug. So glad he came. He's like, Man, buddy, you did so good. And he's like, Dad, do you have any idea what just happened? He's like, No, but I don't need to know what what was happening in order to appreciate watching what's happening. Yeah, he's like, that took, he's like, I'll never forget that because like you don't need to have a full grasp of what is taking place around you, but you can still appreciate the people experiencing it, enjoying it. Yeah, the people who are doing whatever it is, the hobby, the sport, the yada yada yada, if they are invested in it and enjoying it, especially when it's your kid. Yeah, like it's can be so easy to get on board if you allow yourself to.
SPEAKER_08Absolutely. I feel like having like being having that sense of pride for your kid is probably the easiest thing, like it's just so natural, I find.
SPEAKER_09Like it's sad how many people are probably scored, scarred from their parents not having that, though. Yeah, well, yeah, that's why I think because we were talking with Logan, our like young apprentice with Brolause Construction today at lunch, and just talking, he said something, and I was like, I I hope you know that that's not a normal thing, right? Like a lot of people struggle with that, and I think so often sometimes we can take for granted the things that come naturally to us as parents, yeah, and understand that like there are a lot of people who lack that in their life having the dad that does that thing, right?
SPEAKER_08So like I think like love the fact that that does come easy to you because I can tear up watching my kid like crush a set of Lego, yeah, exactly. Right. Like it doesn't, I don't know, it just comes very easily, thankfully. Um, yeah. I so I like we're all talking about, like, I can't wait to see what types of things that yeah they get into growing up, like as they grow. But yeah, uh, I'm j I feel like I'm just gonna be a mess more and more the older they get. Oh yeah. As soon as they start doing it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and I think that's also the encouragement though to anybody who is listening to this, and if you're new to us at the Real Dad Podcast, where it's this should be the basics of parenting, being able to support your kid and see them and yeah, just give them support in whatever it is that they're doing. I think, anyway, should be part of the basics of parenting. And if there's something that's holding you back or you're hitting a wall in being able to be excited or supportive for your kid, I that's likely a you problem. Like again, every scenario is going to be a little different, but that's something that one is probably attached to some kind of trauma in your life. So go get yourself some help because this is the bliss of parenting. This is why we go through all the shitty bites and the puke nights and all that stuff that we don't want to deal with, is to have that moment where you're sitting and watching your kids do whatever that they're doing it, and like you're not having to do it for them, and they're having a good time, and now you get to have that feeling that you had when you got to hold them for the first time or whatever that moment was for you, right? Yeah, so strive for that. And if there's something holding you back, then look into that because this is the good stuff. Like find a way to get into it. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_05Murph's doing acting right now, too, and we're pumped for that. Like, I'm so excited to see her in the play. Yeah, it's just like community center one that she goes to once a week, and she's got all her little lines, and she's like, she's getting pumped up, and like I'm excited to practice with her and do stuff like that. But yeah, I'm excited to see her perform because she's always that's always been a part of Murphy is performing. Like she just loves being in front of people and making them laugh and entertain them. And yeah, so yeah, I'm excited for this for her to go through this part.
SPEAKER_09So something that made me think of this um when you were talking about feeling worried about Murphy and the wrestling and how that's going to go. I think it's natural as a parent to worry for your kids. Um and I think it's natural to want to solve their problems and not see them hurt.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_09Is one of the things that I realized that I was struggling with with my son. So he's been dealing with some more bullying at school that he has hasn't been enjoying, obviously. Right. But like friends just being dicks and not being supportive, just saying mean things, being mean people. Um, even like one of his closest friends. And it's like it's you can just see him hurting with that.
SPEAKER_10Right.
Life Is Hard: Reframing Pain Into Growth
SPEAKER_09And then we went to basketball. So I'd already had that stuff kind of like weighing on me. And then we went to basketball. It was a great weekend. Um, one of the last games, he only got to play for maybe a couple minutes, and he was feeling really bummed about that, like just feeling disappointed. Um, so we had a good chat on the drive home, and I'm saying, like, we'll like encouraging him, like talk to the coach, say, like, what do I need to do to get more playtime? Like, what are the things that I need to work on? And I'm trying to talk him through it and stuff. And then I get home, and my instinct is always to like solve the problem. Right. I'm I'm a problem solver. It's what we do with work every day. We solve problems and we put out fires and we complete and change things. So I like helping people and I like solving problems, especially for your kid when you see them hurting. Yeah. So he's already feeling a bit down because of the kids mistreating him and stuff. Then he's feeling a little down on his self-worth and his skills when it comes to basketball and contributing to the team. And you can just kind of feel him feeling like he's not enough or not able to do change things about himself or do the thing. And I go online and I'm watching videos and I'm searching like, is there like one-on-one basketball coaching? Can I sign him up for like advanced things? Like, what can I do to make life easier for him and him not hurt?
SPEAKER_10Right.
SPEAKER_09And then I was flipping through Facebook and came across this guy who had a quote and I'll play it for you. But it just flipped that perspective on its head for myself. Um, this is Global Minds, I don't know, or Global Mind, I don't know his actual name. Um, but he posts a bunch of quotes that are usually like hit me really, really well. Uh, here it is.
SPEAKER_00Okay, that is one of the hardest things to accept. The parts of your story. Today I read something and said you cannot truly love yourself while hating the experiences. I hate you. That's one of the hardest things to accept. The parts of your story the one awareness. You want to erase it. But every time you do that, every time you try to erase it, you just create a war within yourself.
SPEAKER_05There's a lot in there.
SPEAKER_09There's a lot in there. And I watched it with my son and paused it through each part that he went to. And there's a part of me that battles against it of like we don't have to experience hard or bad things to become those people. But there are the negative parts about our upbringing, about um our experiences that do form who we are. And I sat with him and I was like, dude, what he's saying here is like, yes, you're getting bullied and picked on. You don't deserve to be treated that way. But that is going to probably make you a more empathetic, caring, kind person down the road because you know what it feels like to be treated like shit and to be not cared for by a friend. That's going to make you more self-aware and more kind and present with the friend that does show up for you. Right. Um, struggling in basketball and feeling like you're not like working um or as skilled as the other players. Like, yes, that's hard. And yes, it can be painful to sit on the bench and watch other people. And yes, I hope that you can get more time and you don't deserve to just sit there and not get the time. But who is that gonna make you what like how is that going to shape you? And like you have a choice on how that shapes you. Yeah, you can take that and let you determine to work harder to grow the skill, to get to work hard, like to push yourself to that next level or whatever it does. But it was just I so badly wanted to solve his problem to get him out of the pain so he didn't have to feel those feelings and and rescue him. And I'm like, you're gonna go through shitty things, and I can't solve this for you. I can walk with you, I can stand with you, I can carry you if you need me to carry you, but I can't fix this for you. You have to figure out how you want to fix this. If you want to confront your friends, if you want to talk to them, if you want to work through that, if you want to talk to your coach and figure out what you need to work on in practice, um, what skills you need to develop in order to do more things. Like I can, I will support you. Right. You can come and ask me, Dad, can I pay to do that? Can we do this? Can I do that? I will give you all the resources I can that are available to me. But you have to want this for yourself because if I just step in and fix this for you, then you're not going to learn that lesson of resilience, of awareness of who you are, right?
SPEAKER_08I honestly think that's like the biggest thing you can do as a parent is like help your child understand their own strength. Yeah. Like and foster that. Like just they need to be able, like, that's that's just dealing with life. Like, that's right. What it's all about. Like, that's going to um you are going to be a stronger person as an adult if your parents help you figure that out. The younger you are, the better. Really, like it really is so important.
SPEAKER_09And it's it's one of those things that I'm learning as the kids are getting older that it gets harder and harder to do.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Seasons Of Parenting And Support
SPEAKER_09Because when they're kids, the problems are easier to deal with, or to let them do dangerous things, like we talked about. It's like, oh, they're climbing up the slide and letting them being so rebellious and letting them live their best life. Like, yeah. But then as they get older, it they become such bigger real problems. And I'm like only at the beginning of it. But they've developed the skills if you've started younger. But to like watch your kids struggle as a teenager or to watch them struggle as a young adult figuring life out, and you so badly want to step in and just solve the problem for them. Like, do like, oh, let me just handle that for you. Like, well, we got this kind of thing. Um, but yeah, like you said, if we can teach them younger to be resilient and be able to work through those things, like you I think there's like a selfishness of a parent wanting your kid to need you, though, too.
SPEAKER_10Oh, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_09Because like you want them as an adult to need you, but then you don't want them to need you, and you hope you did a good job so that they don't need you, but then they're just gone and they don't need you anymore. And you're like, no, you're supposed to need me. Let me fix all the problems for you. It feels like you're working yourself out of a job, like you are working yourself out of a job, but like you want it's a very weird feeling.
SPEAKER_05Well, I think the thing is you're working yourself out of the a job so that you can have the job that you actually want. And the job that we all want as a parent is to be the one that they come to when they do hurt, when they do have a problem, when they're excited, when they like share that dad chats with the debate team. He's like, when I eventually kept going with that and won nationals, the first person I called was my dad. Right. That's the job we all want.
SPEAKER_08Exactly.
SPEAKER_05Once they are out of the house and out of the nest or whatever, right? We want to be the ones that they decide to call first when they're excited or when they're sad.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_05When whatever the case may be. I mean, I was over here thinking while you guys were talking about that, and like what is the what is the practical side of doing that? Like, how do we do that? Like sitting at home is like um fostering that in your kids, but what does that look like?
SPEAKER_08I think it starts as early as like your kids scrapping with each other when they're young. It's like you have like figure it out, like those types of situations, like you I'm not going to like obviously there's a line. Like if someone's in danger, you need to step in and be a parent, but like it's little things like that. Like if you're in a dis if you're fighting with your sibling, like figure it out. Like, I'm not going to come solve your problems. Like those types of things like can go a long way in like just a kid feeling their own aton, like uh, what's the word I'm looking for? Like independence. Independence, yeah. Um, I was looking for a word, but it's not there. Um, but yeah, just um knowing that they are capable of solving an issue when it comes to like an issue with a uh maybe a teacher at school. It's like yes, I could help you, but like it's just an adult, like you can have a conversation with them. You can like these are the things that you could say to them. Um if you need help saying those things, like we can help you with that, like those types of things, right? Like those are practical ways. Um, but I think there's it can be so small, yeah. Like if you like if you want something, ask for it, or like uh just anything like that. It's like you have a voice, use it.
SPEAKER_09Yes, and for me, with my kids getting older, it's um giving them advice or telling them the the thing that they could do, but it's not doing it for them. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_06Right.
SPEAKER_09So, like the amount of restraint it's had in me to not message the coaches and be like, yeah, hey, just you know, Ben's really struggling with this and he's wondering what he could do to improve. Like, he's gonna ask you, like he might ask you. Like, I've I've encouraged him to ask you. I'm kind of trying to build his confidence. I'm like, no, you're not gonna send that. Like you've told the kid what he could do, it's up to him whether or not he wants to do it or not.
SPEAKER_10Yeah.
SPEAKER_09Um, but I will be there to support him or to stand by him if he needs me to stand with him in a conversation.
SPEAKER_10Right.
SPEAKER_09It's it's letting them know that they don't have to do it alone, but they have to do it. Right. I think is my thing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08I will forever think of my niece Ella. I think I've told the story on the podcast before, but her my niece Ella in high school, um, she was like struggling to she wanted to start a softball team in her school. Yes. And like the the the the head of uh the phys ed department was like adamantly against it. So like her parents just kind of encouraged her to like talk to the people she needed to talk to in order to like go above this guy and make it happen because there's no reason why it shouldn't. So like she was having meetings with like the principal to discuss these things, and she's like, Yeah, it was like nerve-wracking, but she was talking about how like how much confidence that ended up giving her just as a person. Like lots of things do that, like playing sports, like we've been talking about, right? Helps with that too. But like having those discussions, it's like, yeah, it's hard, but like I did it and it wasn't that bad.
SPEAKER_05But like well, and that teaches them that they have a voice, yeah, which exactly is like incredibly important for young girls, yeah. But yeah, I think there's so much value there because that's something that I struggle with and deal with in therapy to this day. But like I had this discussion with my therapist in my last thing where I'm like, I think I'm scared of adults, yeah.
SPEAKER_08I have to say that, yeah. I have to psych myself up sometimes. It's like I have to call this person, I'm really dreading it. Like, they're just a just another human being, yeah. That's all it is, it's not a big deal.
SPEAKER_05I'm a human with a voice, like they could be just as scared as me. Why am I so dumb? Like, why am I stuck in this way? But it's like it's because that was never learned. Yeah, like for us growing up, it was very much that dynamic. Like the parent either stepped in to solve it or they stepped into discipline, like they were judge and jury. Like, that should not be that dynamic between you and your kids. It should not be because I saw that recently too with with kids in fighting, where it's like kids should not come to you in that judge capacity of like telling you their sides of each story, and you decide who's in the wrong and who's getting punished. Like, that should not be the dynamic.
SPEAKER_09Whoa, you can't hold trial in your own. I mean, we bring in a judge.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I wonder some of it a lot of it is that, right? Letting them figure it out, letting them use their voice, um, letting them feel their feelings. And that's part of learning how to regulate your feelings. Because if you just avoid feeling them, because this makes me feel like shit, I don't like feeling like shit, so I'm just not gonna do that thing anymore. Well, now you've just taught avoidance, not actually no feel that. Like, why are you feeling that way? Well, because this, like in that scenario with Ben and basketball, well, I don't like sitting on the bench. You can do things about that feeling, right? But once you know where it's coming from, now you can maybe try to find the motivation to get out of it, right? And realize that running away from it isn't getting out of it. That's just now avoiding it, you're gonna run into that with a bunch of different things in life, whether it be sports, work, school, whatever, where you're gonna feel down and you're gonna have to find that resilience. And these are the different building blocks that you're gonna learn from being down in the gutter.
SPEAKER_09Yeah, but and I think it's also knowing when to step in as a parent because I think if you are if you're in touch with the situation, then you also know because I think there are some parents out there who probably are like, that's not my problem, figure it out, right? You're on your own, like you're whatever age now, you're you're a grown adult, figure it out. And it's like, no, like I'm always here, and that's why I said to him, like, yeah, I will sit with you, I will walk with you, I will run with you, I will carry, like I am beside you, and I am with you in this. You're not alone, but it's your step to make. You have to move the chess piece. Yeah, I'll I'm right there with you, kind of thing.
SPEAKER_08And sometimes feel supported at least, yeah, and like kids will need kind of an example of how to advocate too, sometimes. Yeah, like you have talked about, like in that time where you're where Ben was playing video games and you had to step in for him, but like that's teaching him how to like stand up for himself, right? Yeah, like kids will need that too. So it's not like you're like fighting his battles for him or anything.
SPEAKER_09But it is so hard because you want to fight your battle their battles for them. Like you so badly want to just solve the problem, fix the thing, not let them experience the pain. Yeah, but sometimes like falling off your bike and riding it again, like there's meaning behind getting hurt and getting back up, like to know that you can get back up, right? Otherwise, you just get hurt and you you can never get up again and you're just stuck down. But like life is always going to be hard. Like there was an Alex Hermosy quote talking about like there was a person talking about how they wanted to get to this, change their business to do this. He's like, Why? Why do you want to do that? You're like, Well, because like I think it'll be easier because of this. And he's like, You think that's gonna be easier? He's like, Let me find somebody in the room who does that. Do you think it's easier what you do now? And they're like, No, he's like, Life is hard. Everything you do in life is hard. You're gonna find things of like, I want to do this to make it easier. If I had more money, I'd make it easier. But life is just always going to be hard. And the more that you learn that you can survive hard things, and that hard doesn't necessarily equal bad, because I think so often you correlate those two things together. It's like, no, it like it doesn't have to be that way. And when you can unlock that for yourself and just embrace things being difficult, then you can move on and experience joy more often than feeling like you're failing at it all.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that was uh, did we talk about that on here? Okay, whatever. We do a lot of things on here, but yeah, that was another quote that Meg had sent me where it's like the three chunks of life where it's like things are either gonna be easy, neutral, or hard. Or it's like you're gonna spend time in all things. Third, the rule of thirds. The rule of thirds, yeah. It's like you're either going through something, you're in a good time, you're in a neutral time, or you're in a really hard time. That's just life. You're gonna spend time in all three of these areas. So the sooner, like you're saying, you give yourself the confidence to realize that okay, I'm in a hard time. I've been through many hard times. I'm gonna get through this and we'll be back into a neutral or easier time soon, hopefully. But either way, I have learned through my life that I'm going to get through the hard thing. And I think the more that we can give our kids those building blocks at their age, because we've learned a lot of this stuff in adulthood. Where it's like the more that we've equipped our kids now at that young age where they're going through those formative years at high school and college and university, where you're gonna go through things that are gonna feel like the hardest things you're ever going to face and they're gonna be all-encompassing, and because your brain isn't fully developed, it feels that way. Now you can get through that with a ton more resilience, and then when you actually are an adult, be unstoppable.
SPEAKER_08You know, it all makes me think about an apple orchard. Okay, okay. Tell me more. Sometimes bad weather is gonna come along and it's gonna destroy your crop for each. And the yield isn't gonna be so great. What you're putting out into the world, it's gonna get affected. It's not you're not gonna be able to put out as much as you want. Yeah, but you know, the good weather comes eventually, and you will be able, you're gonna have yield of plenty, and you're gonna be able to pour into that, give as many people apples as they want, and you're gonna be able to just live a fruitful life. And it just comes and goes in seasons, and you just gotta be ready. Be steady.
SPEAKER_09Now, you're walking into a grocery store and you're picking up an apple. I mean crisp.
SPEAKER_08I was gonna say pink lady to be different. Cosmic crisp. I don't know if you've had cosmic crisps. Cosmics as well. Okay. There's a few, uh like they're like, I'm pretty sure they're a different variation of honey crisp, but let's like made it better.
SPEAKER_09Your apple analogy is just so great because it's like an apple can make or break a day. It really I don't know if you have had the experience, but you've you've definitely had the experience. When you bite into like a soft apple, it's not gone bad, but it's just a little like mushy. Oh terrible. No. And when you bite into a crisp apple, it brings you joy. It does. I like it. Like the sound, the sound that makes them break. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_08I could go for an apple right now. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's like, Dad, I've been waiting for you to get home. I want to show you guys something. He's like, Grandma Lori, come with me. Mom, come with me, Dad, come with me. And he starts walking us towards the bathroom.
SPEAKER_01Like, what that's like.
SPEAKER_08So I go first, and then I walk in the bathroom, and it smells like he just took a shit.
SPEAKER_03So I'm like I'm like, mom, just it's cool.
SPEAKER_08He's like, come look. He just shows me in the toilet, and it's like he's his poop has formed a happy face in the toilet.