When AI Turns Sunday Dinner Into Chaos

Graham crackers on ham should not be a plot point in your weekend, but here we are. We sit down as four dads trying to catch up, and within minutes Mark’s “Smoker Sunday” turns into a full-blown March break legend: AI cooking instructions from Gemini, potatoes that basically dissolve, a glaze that tastes wrong, and the horrifying moment you realize the “brown sugar” you trusted is not sugar at all. It’s funny because it’s real, and it’s real because every parent has tried to pull off something nice and watched it unravel in front of the entire family.

From there, the conversation opens up into the stuff that sits under the jokes. We talk about childhood memories, why some of us remember everything and some of us remember almost nothing, and how embarrassment and scarcity can follow you into adulthood. The tone shifts when we get into what it’s like to navigate a strained relationship with a dad who’s seriously ill, how closure can feel honest in one moment and confusing the next, and why therapy is less about “fixing” you and more about understanding what triggers you and why.

We also hit the practical dad life that listeners search for: kids who can cut you down with one sentence, the guilt of working on a home or cottage project while they just want you to play, and a genuinely useful newborn parenting tip about taking shifts at night so your partner can get real rest. We even end with a surprisingly relatable detour into vasectomy stories and how dads bond over the weirdest topics.

If you enjoy unfiltered fatherhood stories, parenting humor, and honest talk about mental health, subscribe, share this with a fellow dad, and leave a review. What’s your most unforgettable parenting fail or your hardest dad conversation?

Transcript

Embarrassing Birthday Gift Confession

SPEAKER_08 0:00

Do you have any embarrassing birthday stories? Like of giving presents? I remember this moment. I should probably go to therapy to talk about it. Um very vividly. Is it was uh a girl in our class, it was probably last minute because I forgot to tell my parents or we forgot to get a present. What are we gonna do? I'm like, I'll make a card. And I can remember her opening the card and there just being like a$10 bill, and like, oh, that's it, kind of thing. And like, ah, like I've I gave the worst gift kind of thing. It's like uh and you just feel so like embarrassed and little in that moment. Yeah, yeah. That sounds like a therapy moment, Dave.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

Right, right. You give great gifts now. Probably overdo the values of it.

Real Dad Catch-Up And Setup

SPEAKER_09 0:45

If you got some time to relax your mind, come on with this is the Real Dad Podcast.

SPEAKER_08 0:54

Welcome to the Real Dad Podcast. My name's Dave, and I know the difference between Graham Cracker and brown sugar.

SPEAKER_10 1:05

Oh wow, you sound like a smoke.

SPEAKER_07 1:07

You sound like you've smoked for 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

I'm Joey. And I feel like I missed out on the story, so I'm actually kind of excited for it. I'm really sorry, Mark. My name's Mark, and I'm a fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_07 1:23

My name's Brian, and I love the stories that come from Mark being an idiot.

SPEAKER_08 1:28

We love you all. Thank you for sticking with the show. Um, sorry it's been a while since we've got to you, and this episode's gonna be for dads catching up with each other. Um last time we got together, we didn't even record. We just needed a day to be able to chat, just talk about stuff without the thought of it going into the webosphere.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

We talk about the fact that this is our therapy and this is our chance to hang out and chat with each other. That's real life. We don't make that up. So that uh played out last time where we sat down. We had every intention of recording for you guys, and then we chatted for two and a half hours.

SPEAKER_08 2:05

It felt like it felt nice to be like a little selfish about it though. It was nice, it was like it was selfishly just us, it was our time. It was just for us.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

Yeah, so screw you guys. Yeah, take that.

Smoker Sunday March Break Begins

SPEAKER_08 2:16

Anyways, we quickly hit record because Brian brought up a touchy subject, and we really want to hear the story. If you follow Remarkable Woodworks on Instagram, you might have seen um, and you know, being a fan of the podcast, that Mark has smoker Sundays.

SPEAKER_07 2:33

That's it.

SPEAKER_08 2:33

He loves to man the smoker, cook the meal for the family on the Sunday. He preps for it. I think we heard a story about a ridiculously overpriced tenderloin at one point. Yeah, I remember that. That he crushed. He crushed it. He's been just killing it on this smoker until this Sunday.

SPEAKER_06 2:55

No, it was it was the kickoff to March break. Okay. Okay. Okay. So it's the first buckle up, folks. Just buckle up. That's all I gotta say. You're comfortable. And if swear words make you uncomfortable, tune out. Turn it off. I'm excited. First March break in 10 years that I've got to spend with the family. Normally, March break falls on the home show. That's right. And I'm at the home show. True. So it's my son, Maverick, it's his first experience of March break as well, because usually we put him in daycare.

SPEAKER_10 3:32

Yep.

SPEAKER_06 3:32

And then so it was like a whole new thing. And the girls, I also have a daughter and a wife, they were pumping this week up to like fired up. Oh my gosh. Like you would think that we're going to Disneyland with the things that they were uh planning. So we open it up and we say the first because first of all, they have a freaking PA day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 3:55

Start it. Why not? You know, whatever. Because if you haven't had enough snow days, right?

SPEAKER_06 3:59

So we do we do a movie nights like every Friday night as a movie nights. We're like, okay, if you guys could go to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Maverick. And he goes, Bass Pro. And I said, Are you fucking kidding me? Mm-hmm. So then we asked my daughter, and then she was like, I'll go to Bass Pro. And I was like, Who are these kids? I'm okay with it. Right. So I use some points, we book a trip to Ottawa, and we you know, we Google the Bass Pro. We go to get we go to Bass Pro. Okay. But before we we planned this whole thing, there wasn't a day off. It was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, all the way. I think. So we have a farewell dinner to for Robin and her parents. Okay. So we're talking to them on the Friday or the Saturday. And I was like, we haven't had a nice home cooked meal in a long time. I'm gonna do potatoes. I'm gonna get or I'm gonna do like ham potatoes and like a vegetable. Give Robin the day to kind of like pack and do all the things. Okay. That's great of you. Oh, so nice. Yeah, absolutely freaking. Father was a wonderful thought. Yeah, it was it was horrible. So then um, I can't remember. I blacked out for the oh, sorry, no, Robin went and fucked off. I don't know what she did, but then I had the kids, so now I'm trying to prepare dinner. And what better way to do that was like give the potatoes to one and the carrots to the other, and then two sharp objects and say, here, whittle these things until there's no more skin left.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

Yeah, great call.

SPEAKER_06 5:21

And then the thing. Now both my kids want to be YouTubers. So what I have done now is I said, No problem, but you have to vlog all of your chores. So I give them my phone and they're like, hey, on today's episode, I'm cleaning my room. And then the thing, dude, it's it's amazing. I have I have so many videos, and I'm not gonna let them post these videos to the internet, but I have so many videos on my phone right now of these kids just cleaning up and the thing, and it's awesome. Like they'll I'm like, hey, hey, buddy, after dinner, like two nights ago, I was like, Hey buddy, do you want to do a vlog on like how you clean up after the dinner and like put the dishes and stuff away? He's like, Yeah, and he's like grabs my phone and like they're just two-minute things, and they're just like carrying dishes and stuff. It's it's awesome, but they're pumped for cleaning up, nice. So we pumped, I put the thing down and I like I put the camera down and we do the thing and I edit the video for the kids' vlog and and whatever. So, in upon doing all of that, I'm now I've given up on chat GPT like most millennials. I'm on to Gemini, yeah. So um I plugged it in. We're like, you can bully me, and it's okay. You know, I was born in the 90s or 80s, everything's good.

SPEAKER_08 6:24

So, anyways, it messages me and it was like almost trying to think you as part of the bigger. I was thinking myself young. I was thinking myself young.

Cooking With Gemini Goes Sideways

SPEAKER_06 6:32

30-ish. Yeah, 30-ish. Um almost not anymore. So Gemini, I'm like, here's what I want to eat, this is what I have, and let's go. Okay. Yeah. So Gemini and I were are just getting to know each other. Yeah, right. So it didn't realize that my hams didn't have a bone in it, they were just like the hands. Right, yeah, so it completely fucked me because it said I had to smoke this thing for like four hours. It was like internal temperature of ham, just in case you need to know, okay, is 165 degrees. These things were at like 190 by like two o'clock in the afternoon.

unknown 7:09

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 7:11

But before we get there, okay, okay. It's like I've I just basically said, I this, this, and this, and I want this thing to be the best thing in the entire world. Here's where our families are from. This is kind of like gives you a taste of our palates, and like give it give it to me. Do the thing, yeah. So it's like, okay, this we're gonna do this, and it's gonna be fantastic. Garlic mashed potatoes, um, honey or brown sugar honey uh carrots, and um it was a smoky, uh, sweet and sour honey glazed ham. Okay, okay, okay. So, and all of that is on the smoker and uh the trigger, by the way. And we just ace it, right? So I wake up early, the kids are helping me prep this stuff, and we got the vegetables going, and I'm trying to be as efficient as possible, which to my fault is not ideal when you're trying to cook things. So in my head, I was like, I have I I'm gonna prep the sauce or like the glaze, okay? So I'm prepping the glaze, and I'm like, while I'm prepping the glaze, I'll let the kids do the whittling of the vegetables. Yep. So while they're doing all of that, now I've got a hundred thousand questions coming out of like, how do I skin a potato?

SPEAKER_08 8:24

Where do potatoes come from? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 8:26

Yeah, very the same place as babies, apparently. So we do we go through this, and now I'm now I'm out out of focus, right? So, anyways, we're doing all this stuff. And then Gemini is like, while you're uh pre-warming the treegger, put the potatoes on or in water. So while the kids are skinning the potatoes, I'm like, we're just gonna, I don't want them to go brown, so I'm gonna put them in water. It is now one o'clock in the afternoon. I have these potatoes just sitting in a bunch of water. Okay. Now, you can drown potatoes.

SPEAKER_08 8:57

Interesting.

SPEAKER_06 8:58

Did you notice? I didn't know. Not really. It tastes like a shoelace if you eat these potatoes. So I'm gonna yada yada yada a little bit. Okay. Okay. So I put the butter in, I put the garlic in. If you so sorry, once you get the potatoes peeled, you're supposed to put them in water with the garlic cloves in and boil them. Okay. And then that tastes like that, you get really like garlic. Right in it. Yeah, but I had these things floating in uh abyss for hours before because I think it was around 11 o'clock when we started put. I'm sorry if I'm all over the place, but timelines aren't important. That's okay. It gives people Alexander's sense of what this day is like, you know, every story keeps changing. So I'm peeling the potatoes while the kids are, and then they're going into like a bowl of water to help them from like not going brown. Yeah, yeah. This is in the morning, right? So in the afternoon, now I've got these potatoes that have are basically already dried.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Just murdered.

SPEAKER_06 9:54

Then Gemini is like, put those potatoes in the water and boil them now. Explanation marks. Well, now I'm stressed because this fucking thing's bullying me. Right. Right. Because you asked it to. Because I asked it to. So now I'm like, I'm dumping this up in, and I'm not a clean cooker, like it looks real bad in my kitchen when I'm. Looks like how it sounds painting a picture. It is like duck on the water situation, rat on fire. Okay, it is bad. So, anyways, I'm in there and I'm doing my thing. I don't know why I'm shaking something here, but that's okay. Yep. So I'm I the potatoes are in, so they're boiling. Robin comes in and gives me the old what the fuck is going on here. I am dialed. Don't worry about it. So I literally went like this. I was like, we don't need to hear from you right now. Go enjoy your day off. Talk to your mother. Yeah. Who's like in the thing? Okay. We got this. And then Alan, God love him. He's retired now. So he's got lots of things to talk about. And he this is my father-in-law, and he wanders into the thing and starts talking to me about F1 things. I was like, I don't fucking care about F1. Yeah, nobody cares. I don't care about McLaren. I don't care. This is a new fucking car time, engine. Like, I don't care about any of it. Piatri can just fly a kite that way. Don't care. I need to focus on this. And then he starts asking me questions. Like, newsflash, neither one of us know how to cook. Like, I'm in the weeds here, and you're trying to give me to get you a lesson. Like, I'm not sure. Potatoes are drowning. I'm drowning. And you're just fucking asking me questions, Alan. A literal robot in my phone is telling me how to do this. Talk to her. So I don't know what I'm doing. Anyways, so the potatoes are now boiling. And while I'm doing this, I'm making the rub. It's like making your own thing. Yeah. Meanwhile, like those of you who have been paying attention, people have been sending me rubs. Like I have a whole cabinet full of dry rub. But this idiot is like, Gemini, I need this to be the most delicious thing ever. It's like, fuck all the rubs that have won you awards. Not really, but like giving you praises by your friends and family for the food that you've made them.

SPEAKER_08 11:58

Just go rogue and make your own. That's good. You know what you're doing. You don't even know how to boil potatoes, but I'm sure you can get this rub down right.

SPEAKER_06 12:07

First try.

SPEAKER_08 12:08

Smoke Master Mark.

SPEAKER_06 12:09

Oh man. So, anyways, I get in there and I start doing the thing. Now, Robin is low-key annoyed with me because her kitchen is a fucking disaster. And I kind of yelled at her and shunned her over to the couch about 20 minutes ago. So I specifically asked her because before I was like, I'm wait, are you about to put this on her? No, no, no. No, no, no. Never. I would love my wife. I love my wife. I love my wife. We were, we were. Have you ever? Hold on. Okay, listen. This might require some editing. Yeah, no, you got this. Have you ever been in a silent argument with your wife?

SPEAKER_08 12:59

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 12:59

Yeah. That's how most of mine are. Yeah. That's how most of mine are. It's it was one of like I'm toxic as fuck because I thoroughly enjoyed this. Like staring at each other whalt doing our activities with like her parents and the kids like within earshot, just being like, fuck you.

unknown 13:22

No, fuck you.

SPEAKER_06 13:23

Are you done being a fucking asshole? Like one of those things. No, not yet, actually. Dude, it was. Anyways, so we where was I rubbing something? Yeah, rubs. Sorry. So before the kids were peeling their vegetables, I went, I was like, I'm going to the grocery store for like whatever we need. And she swore up and down that we didn't need anything. And I was like, Gemini tells me these are the things that I specifically need. So I'm going there. What is it that you want? She's like, I don't know, maybe a couple things for um whatever, but I don't want to do a big grocery shop because we're leaving for a little bit. So she's like, Don't go crazy because I have a tendency to see that.

SPEAKER_08 14:06

So it's the going crazy with shut the fuck up for a second day.

SPEAKER_06 14:11

So I usually go and go crazy with desserts. Right. That's the main thing. Is like I surprise everybody with desserts. So it's like a thing, Dad goes to the grocery store on Sunday morning, they're like, What are we having for dessert tonight, Dad?

SPEAKER_03 14:22

And you get some sugar.

SPEAKER_06 14:23

But while I'm there, I'm like, oh, this is gonna be a nice little surprise for them. Everybody knows it. Anyways, I go to the grocery store, but I specifically say, Do we have do we need anything? She goes, No. And I was like, I would like to look over, do a once-over sweep of the thing to see if we need any ingredients. She goes, Mark, we have it all. Do not buy anything else. And I'm like, okay. So I go, and for some reason, specifically, I was thinking of brown sugar, which is called golden sugar for some reason, which I don't like.

SPEAKER_07 14:51

Okay. But maybe that's a Canadian thing. I don't know. There's different darknesses. It depends on how much molasses. I don't see color. I don't see color. I don't see color. More molasses?

SPEAKER_06 15:00

Gemini told me brown sugar doesn't exist anywhere in my grocery stores. It just says golden sugar. So I go to the store and I'm looking for, and I was just like, I'm gonna fucking go crazy here a little bit. Just I'd rather be safe than sorry.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

As you can.

Potatoes, Stress, And Kitchen Fights

SPEAKER_06 15:15

So then I'm there and I was like, I can't find brown sugar, anyways. I don't want to call her and give it away. But I call her and she's like, You're supposed to be home by now. And I was like, Where's the brown sugar? She goes, I told you we have the brown sugar. No problem. So I get home. There's a little bit of golden sugar sitting in our cupboard. Like this. You gotta coat the whole ham. But listen, uh, it's in the bag and it says golden sugar. So there's a little bit here, and then beside it is a clear container with one of those pop lids with with what looks to be brown brown powder, debris. Yeah, okay. So then I'm in the thing and I'm like, okay, I love my wife. She's like, she's on it, we're good. Everything's great. So now I'm at the point. My salt has been mixed, my my garlic is in there. I've got the the little paprika. I've got the thing. It's not as good as it sounds, but it sounds really good to me. No, it does sound good. Anyways, I got all the things going, and then it says brown sugar in there. I'm like, okay, babe. Is this brown sugar? Holding up the clear glass thing with the paper.

SPEAKER_07 16:21

Under the bus right under the bus.

SPEAKER_06 16:24

There's no bus. There's no bus. We're a team. Okay, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 16:30

We didn't specifically tell her I got this. You just fuck off over there. Can you shut me up for one episode?

SPEAKER_06 16:40

Honestly. Like, uh, okay. Anyways.

SPEAKER_08 16:44

Yeah, team, the team's working here. I got you.

SPEAKER_06 16:47

The Batman and Robin come together. Okay. I don't want to spoil, I don't want to spoil the ending here, but like, okay, let me tell a story, Dave. Honestly. Brown sugar? Is this brown sugar? She says, Yep. Okay. Brown sugar from a million miles away. Doesn't even get up, look, like, doesn't even she remember, I cast her to the couch. She's talking to her mom. Yeah. Her mom's talking to her about some Aunt Susan that she doesn't care about. And now she's just trying to drink her white claw.

SPEAKER_07 17:18

And she's just thinking this effing guy doesn't even care. 100%. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_06 17:23

He's saying this moron has burnt boiled potatoes over here. And now he's asking me what brown sugar looks like. Sure, bud. It's real hard to fuck up, you know? So, anyways, I go in and then I think, and then I'm now going crazy, right? And then I like, and I'm in this, and and when I do these like little rubs or or marinades, I pretend like I'm some sort of wizard or witchcraft or something. Like I'm in a cauldron, right? Like I don't like witches, but like I'm in the thing. I dip my finger in and I give a little taste and I go, this is fucking awful. Yeah. So I go into Gemini and I was like, listen, you little fucker. This thing's this tastes like shit. And I needed to taste the thing. And they're like, oh, well, that's that's surprising. And I'll read, I'll post it in the Patreon thing, my whole conversation. Okay, I'll post it up there. And I was like, You're fucking, you're fuck, you're setting me up for failure here. And it's like, no, no, no, you just need to add some more this. And now it's like more. Come on, trigger. No, it's but it's telling, well, yes, but it's telling me to add more like maple syrup and add like some really shit out of left field. Like I'm just like, what the hell? Gummy bears, toss them in that. Dijon mustard and and like Worchester sauce and and maple syrup. Yeah. Keep in mind, I mistaken the brown sugar as breadcrumbs.

SPEAKER_07 18:50

Bread crumbs. Graham cracker.

SPEAKER_06 18:53

Sorry, yes, graham cracker bread crumbs. Like just like the most graham cracker dust, it was what it was. Oh, yeah. And I covered it. Dude, I celebrated this thing like it was the 4th of July because it was not tasting good at all. So it said one third of a cup. And I must have been in, I must have had enough to have a bath myself in this thing. It was there was so much, so many ingredients. Dude, it was awful. And I was like pouring. I started out in like a measuring cup that only has one cup in it, just to like mix a thing. And I end like the the other the Pyrex thing, and then the thing by the end of it, I was in this silver dome bowl to make it taste good. Trying to make it taste good. Just add more. Because it's like telling, but it's like you need you need three-quarters of a cup of this. I was like, motherfucker, I'm already in. Like, how am I supposed to mention the shit now? And you're telling me totals. I've got half the stuff in there already. It's already there.

SPEAKER_03 19:55

What are you talking about here? And you just keep adding and it keeps adding to the case.

SPEAKER_07 20:04

This story is better than I even could have imagined.

SPEAKER_06 20:08

So now I get it to a point where I'm like, Alan, can you taste this and see if it tastes now? This guy don't taste good anymore. Fucking Alan.

SPEAKER_07 20:18

You can't trust Alan.

SPEAKER_06 20:20

Alan is gonna tell you that the leather bottoms of your shoes will taste good. As long as you're the cook of ditches, he does not care. Okay. This guy would eat bologna that expired in the 60s still to this day. Doesn't care. But in the moment I'm like panicked, like I just need, you know, whatever. Anyways, keep in mind, these potatoes are still going on boil. From there, now rubber. We're at like 2:30, and these things have been on the oven since 11. So, anyways, like into the thing, and and I've got these carrots cut that are just sitting in the nosebleeds right now. But I'm like, Alan, can you like stick your finger in this and taste? He sticks, oh yeah, that tastes good. And I was like, Okay, yeah, on the meat we go. Let's go. And I pour it all on there. I even pick it up and smack the thing. I mean, it looked beautiful. It did look really good. It looked so good. And I scored the ham and shoved it in the holes. Oh, you really filled it. I went and you infused it. I wanted to say goodbye, like, see you later. You know, one of them missed me after that.

SPEAKER_08 21:28

I mean, you kind of did.

SPEAKER_06 21:31

It's a big goodbye. So I then put it on the smoker and the thing, and it's like, okay, you know, set your timer for this time. It should take about three hours or so. Again, I don't know the times, whatever. And then all of a sudden, Robin comes in, she and she's like, wait. And looks at her watch, and she's like, Why are you cooking the potatoes? And I was like, Gemini told me to. She was like, those only take like half an hour, forty five minutes max. Why did you start that? And I was like Gemini said and I read over and I was like, oh fuck. No. It said to put them on when I put the the trigger on to like heat it up kind of thing. And I was and then she's like, I'm sure it'll be fine. So then, anyways, we start trying to m drain the potatoes and mash them. Awful. It's like stringy, gooey tar. It gets chewy. Oh, it gets better. So then Robin's solution is to add more butter. Robin's mom's solution is to add cornstarch. Okay. And Alan over there is just like, put some salt in it. It'll be fine. And I'm doubting everybody. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm in there mixing it all. Sure. And but they're like, then Robin hands me a whisker. Like, like, you know, not like a whisker, like a from a keg. Like a whisker. A whisk, thank you. So I hand in one of those. I'm not kidding you guys. I I I I promise this actually happened, okay? I'm whisking this fucking thing so violently that one of the whisks pops off.

SPEAKER_08 23:04

Blows a spring.

SPEAKER_06 23:05

Pops. Didn't make that sound, but it that's what happened. Like in like this. And then I was like, how does that? So now these aggressiveness one have to whisk. These potatoes were so tasty.

SPEAKER_03 23:17

It's trying to whisk potatoes back to life.

SPEAKER_06 23:20

Legit trying to give these things whip CPR. You know what I mean? Like, like defibulator these things back in. And it's not working. I just broke my whisk. Yeah. So what do I do? I bring out that, like, you know the machine that's going to be. We're blending now. You know the thing that like has the things in there that kitchenade. Kitchenade. Grandmother used to make like the it would like twist all the cake batter and stuff together.

SPEAKER_08 23:42

Bring something else to get dirtied up in the kitchen.

SPEAKER_06 23:44

This is a gong chunk. We're throwing everything in this dinner now. So I put it in the therapy, and then I put more car cornstarch in the thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Oh no.

SPEAKER_06 23:52

And then just put it on high, and it goes, and then the thing, and I'm like, okay, these are great. So then again, Alan tastes this for me. So he tastes it and he goes, Yeah, that tastes good. I was like, I don't trust you. Robin tastes this and she goes, Oh my god, those are awful. I'm just eating cornstarch. So then I eat them. And then Robin's mom is just like, I can't do any wrong with Robin's mom. Yeah. So it's like, I can't even ask her because I know she's gonna lie to me. But she's like, she's like, Mark, they're gonna be fine. Don't you dare throw those out. And I was like, I'm already, I'm throwing them out. I can't, I can't. Robin's like, so now Robin's like, I'll do the potatoes. And then I was like, okay. So then she starts doing the thing. Now I'm upset.

SPEAKER_08 24:29

So we're starting potatoes from scratch.

SPEAKER_06 24:31

So she's starting to peel potatoes from scratch. Okay. Now it's at like 3 30-ish. We want to eat by like 5 30. Okay. Yeah. So plenty of time.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

We have time for potatoes.

SPEAKER_06 24:43

So much time.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

So much time.

Graham Cracker Brown Sugar Disaster

SPEAKER_06 24:46

So much time for four and a half hours. But now breakfast. Now, Robin, it's a nice Sunday. That's a good way to spend a day. Keep it in mind, guys. I hold I started Smoker Sunday so I could watch football all day. That's why I started this hobby in the first place. There's a message to the madness. So now Robin is in a messy kitchen. This woman loves cleanliness more than anything. So she's in a messy kitchen. She needs to fix my mistake, and she's doesn't know where any of her shit is because you've destroyed. It is like imagine dumping a sea of Legos, right? And just having to search for the yellow one. Like that's what this poor woman's having to do on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. Yep. Yep. She's looking through and she goes, Wait, why do you have the graham crackers out? Oh no.

SPEAKER_07 25:41

And then I was like, oh no.

SPEAKER_06 25:43

And now the whole house goes square.

SPEAKER_07 25:46

Was it like a light bulb moment? Like now I know why that tasted terrible.

SPEAKER_06 25:52

Not yet.

SPEAKER_08 25:56

You said this was brown sugar.

SPEAKER_06 25:58

So then I go, that's not ground cracker, that's brown sugar. She goes, No. This is this is and she goes to the cupboard. Now I'm going, what are you looking for? She goes, the brown sugar. And I was like, this brown sugar? And I go into the garbage because that's where I put the fucking little remnants of the bag, the gold sugar that was left in the thing. So I was thinking in my head, because the the graham crackers are a distinct brown color. Okay. The golden sugar we have is kind of like it's all jaundice or something. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 26:36

Like it's like it's like the MDF kind of color.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

You know what I mean? It's like brown sugar is fucked around with white sugar a little bit.

SPEAKER_06 26:44

It's mixed sugar, for sure. Yeah. Again, I don't see color, but this one was, yeah, giving off mixed vibes. So, anyways, we I there was only like this much left. Tiny thing. Tiny bit. So I threw it in the garbage at like 11 o'clock. Okay, a whole lifetime has gone by since this time. And then I'm like, what are you looking for? Brown sugar. This brown sugar, and I pull it out of the garbage. The only thing that makes my wife more disgusted than a messy kitchen is pulling out a condiment from the garbage can with my suggestion to eat it. I was like, this brown sugar, and she's like, I can't use that. I need it for my the carrots. And I was like, it was only in the garbage for like two hours. It's fine. And she's like, Mark, I'm not eating. I was like, I rolled it up. Everything's good. It's sealed. Just eat the bread. It's in the package. It's totally fine. So now we're arguing about whether we're gonna eat the garbage sugar chicken. The garbage sugar. But we're not, it's like it was. But it's really cute because neither one of us are angry. We're just like both of us are just disappointed with each other. For sure.

unknown 27:50

For sure.

SPEAKER_06 27:52

We're like, what do you mean? What do you mean? And this is the first time where we've like we got into a little bit of an argument where there was no anger, and like I was fully at fault, but she never made me feel that way. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 28:08

You're trying to do a good thing, it's gross. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 28:10

So, anyways, she's like, Well, the thing, and now I'm now I'm a little bit angry, but I'm angry at myself. So I'm like, what the what do you mean that's graham cracker? And she's like, Yeah, these are these are the things that I use to make gluten-free graham crackers for the thing. And I was like, it's gluten-free. It's so much worse than just graham cracker. And then she goes, What's the problem? I was like, I just smothered that on my hand. She's like, it can't be that bad.

SPEAKER_09 28:39

I was like, I cut the ham into one inch by one inch tubes, and I shove my fingers inside that with that fucking graham cracker glutenless paste.

SPEAKER_06 28:52

It basically is MDF dust. In that moment, I was like, that's why it tasted like that's it. And then some Robin and then Robin's everybody's silent. Alan looks like he's seen a ghost. Yeah. Mainly because no, no, mainly because he's afraid of eating and gluten-free anything. Now he's like, fuck, I gotta fake that I like this.

SPEAKER_07 29:20

Not that he let you down very badly.

SPEAKER_06 29:24

So, anyways, I'm the thing, and then I look over with the only person that can save me in this moment, Robin's mom. And she, we're eye contact for like a good feligan eternity. But she's like, it's gonna be fine, Mark. And I was like, I just put graham cracker on ham. We're having ham cracker and vegetables for dinner.

SPEAKER_10 29:48

Oh no.

SPEAKER_06 29:49

And then Robin goes, it's just a ham sandwich. Could have been one of the kids at this point. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where it is, but I heard ham sandwich. I'm choosing to believe it came from Robin. Yeah, probably didn't. So now I'm like, I go to Gemini and I'm like, you son of a bitch. This is all your fault. It goes, it's not that big of a I was like, I told you to bully me. You're failing this test. So then it's like, check your internal temperature of the ham. So I go over and then it goes, boom, 195. And I'm like, okay, this is good. We're gonna be able to order pizza and get out of here. Yeah, we got a way out. We're good. I fucked it up more ways, yeah, but it's not salvageable. So I walk in and Robin's got the vegetable, like the potatoes are done, smelling like Christmas morning. She made the thing for the carrots all over the thing, and then I'm just like, oh dear God. What have I done? Keep in mind, it's like 346 at this point in time, and now my ham is at like I've overcooked it so much that it's like almost back to life. You know what I mean? It's turning into a graham cracker.

SPEAKER_09 31:11

Basically, at this point.

SPEAKER_06 31:13

Uh, anyways. So I get I get it. The Gemini's like, take that out now, and I'm like, I'm just gonna tent it.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Fucking it's a big thing. Now it decides to bully me all of a sudden.

SPEAKER_06 31:24

Now it now it decides. So I'm like, I'm gonna tent it, I'll put it in the oven, I'll pour some like orange juice or something over to like keep it from drying. Yeah, it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_09 31:33

Wash it off the grain crack.

SPEAKER_06 31:35

So I did that, and then I put it in the thing, and then it comes time to think. So I pull it out, and then I open this up, and then we're all laughing at this point, right? Oh, yeah. So then now the kids they want to make a YouTube video out of my failed fucking dinner before it's over the thing. And my daughter's chirping me, like just chirping. I was like, we're not doing a YouTube. I'll do a story, but I'm not doing a YouTube video.

SPEAKER_09 32:02

Yeah, so I'm doing the thing, and I had to cut it out because the whole time she's in the back, she's like, she be putting grab cracker on my hand, but it's gonna force us to eat it.

Aftermath, Humility, And Trying Again

SPEAKER_06 32:14

I'm like, oh my gosh. Do all this thing, cut it all up, I put it on the thing, it tasted like dirt. Oh there's six of us. Have you ever seen one of those small hams? It's like the size of your fist. Right. There is six people here. I had two hams, we had leftovers of the first one, you know, but then I was like, Robin's parents were boasting about how good it was, and it tasted fine, and everything is a thing. Robin and I are like, the potatoes are good. Yeah. But then here's kicker, and I was like, oh, well, since you guys love it so much, there's that other ham there that you guys can take home and we'll receive all the things. And then they're like, oh no, no, we can't do that. And I was like, no, we leave for Ottawa tomorrow, so we can't have it here, so all you guys have to bring it home. So then again, yada yada yada, they take the ham home. Well, they have company come over to their place and they feed them this ham. Oh, wow. Left over ham. They can't just throw it out. So they can't get the thing, and then this port, her name's Anette, also a new fie, is raving about how great this ham is, and then they tell her the story, and then she's like, Well, I thought it was just great, and then the thing. So they're like, Oh, yeah. I was like, You guys are just pumping my tires because you want me to do Easter. That's just not happening. We just give up. There's an end game. Oh man, yeah, it was um that's incredible.

SPEAKER_08 33:47

What is it? Wow, it was incredible.

SPEAKER_07 33:50

Yeah, I love that so much. So that was my first day of March break. And I feel for you because like it's super stressful when you're making something for the family and it's not going well. Yeah. So that's never a good feeling. But the way you posted those stories, it was just perfect. Because the first the first post made it look so good because you just showed the the ham like smoked or whatever. I'm like, I know. I was like, oh, I'm jealous, and then the next the next story.

SPEAKER_06 34:21

No, I have I had the I just got a text that my sub pump is making a loud noise, so I might have to come back from the phone. Anyways, this is another thing. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna give you too much content, but anyways, the the one of my favorite things is looking out of my little I have it so that my smoker is right at my back door. Like you cannot get to my deck without having to pivot around this thing. Because I just love the look of the smoker with the forest and the things. So I sit at the table and I'll just watch this thing like smoke on Sundays and have my car. It's it's awesome. I love it. Yeah. So I always film like I get the smoke in there and I'm filming the thing and then whatever. And I'm not gonna lie to you, like I've I have yet to fail at something so horribly. That was very humbling. Yeah. Because you've crushed some smoke. You've crushed some meat. And it's expensive, like, dinner is an expensive thing to like mess up. Yeah. And it's it's just yeah, it's just one of those things.

SPEAKER_08 35:30

You gotta get have you gotten back on the horse since then though? Horse of what? Like have you c have you smoked something since then? Or are you afraid?

SPEAKER_06 35:37

No, we did um I was I didn't I don't know the details of it. So we had Robin's parents up on the Sunday that just happened. And then but we just did burgers. Good. That's what I was gonna say. Sausages.

SPEAKER_08 35:51

You just gotta do something simple to recover from that. Don't overcomplicate it. A nice little burger and sausage meal, and then you're good, right? So get that smoking confidence back up.

SPEAKER_06 36:01

So yeah, I mean, anyways, the burgers were like smash burgers and they don't taste very good. But so, anyways, we bring up we bring up Jerry and Allen, my in-laws for Sunday dinner again. So now we're back to back, right?

SPEAKER_07 36:13

Yep.

SPEAKER_06 36:13

So then we just again to your the to your theory, we did the burgers and the saucers, can't fuck those up, and then a salad. Well, Robin decided that she's gonna make the salad dressing from scratch. Okay, back on the horse. Yada yada yada. Let's go. Grab cracker salad dressing.

SPEAKER_10 36:34

Oh no. I was gonna say, that could be really good.

SPEAKER_06 36:37

No, it was thick and like broke another whisk. It was it was not so she normally makes one that's like really, really good. Yeah, but this one was like a garlicky white thing. And we're gonna stick to what you know with like you gotta stick to what you know and Mandarin oranges and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_08 36:57

Exploring with food. Anyways, it was like Explore on a Wednesday, man. Let's say a Sunday for when you know.

SPEAKER_06 37:04

But what's really funny is on Christmas, this isn't funny, but it's like Robin's mom always does Jig's dinner, which is like a Newfoundland, like it's like a and it is like a spread. So they like start whatever they need to do. They start it's like a whole day thing, usually the night before they get all this stuff ready. And it's like it's crazy the stuff that they do for Jig's dinner. And she's done it flawlessly for like 15 years, right? And at Christmas time, she mistimed some stuff, and like things were you know, I I liked it, but she was really hard on herself about messing it up. And I was like, nah, it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be good, like everything's good. And she's like, This is my last time, not do I'm done, I don't care anymore. I'm not doing it or anything.

SPEAKER_03 37:53

It was probably too salty, wasn't it? She said it was too salty. The salt beef was too salt, super salt.

SPEAKER_06 37:59

Some salt. Then the blueberry. The blueberry duff. Lord tundra and Jesus.

SPEAKER_05 38:07

Oh, she's you take her out by the bait or like that's right. Oh my Jesus.

SPEAKER_06 38:15

Um, anyways, it so where was it? Oh, yeah, okay. So she she botched Christmas dinner.

SPEAKER_03 38:23

Yep.

SPEAKER_06 38:24

We're like, whatever. I've been smoking, I've been on like the smoking train, like everything, and like I love doing it. And now the kids are involved, and like I want to learn more. I want to learn how to cook and like just do some certain things. And I was like, the confidence was was high. That's why I was like, okay, I've got this. I'm good. Like, I'm gonna try and ride this out. And then I think I relied on the AI too much. Yeah, Gemini's maybe a little too much, a little too much. I think I because I I totally, if I just want to went with my gut and like slowed things down, I think I could have gotten it, but I just kind of, yeah, anyways, and then trusted a little too much.

SPEAKER_08 38:59

It's okay.

SPEAKER_06 39:00

We did back-to-back fuck ups at our house, and that's the joke. It's like we've done this on purpose so that you guys have to do Thanksgiving. And I want you, you want me to do Jig's dinner? But then that was it. So then it was really funny because we're eating and then we're like, how is it? And Robin's mom, like Alan is like, Oh, yeah, this is great. This is so good, and then Robin's mom's like, Oh, yeah, this is good. And then she like puts it down, she goes, I think I'm gonna try Jig's dinner again for Easter.

Outsmarting Potluck Pressure With Family

SPEAKER_03 39:29

I think it's important that you do this.

SPEAKER_08 39:31

Like, it costs us two hams and a little bit of a salad, but we're in the We're back, baby.

unknown 39:36

We're back.

SPEAKER_08 39:38

So my sister and brother-in-law had a beautiful move that I witnessed this weekend. Okay, we went over there for her son's birthday, fourth birthday. They also have a little guy who is 10 months, I believe, 11 months.

SPEAKER_09 39:53

Right.

SPEAKER_08 39:53

Um, and normally they would cater the food or they would make some food when they have everybody over. But instead, um, my brother-in-law had the brilliant idea. I didn't know about this idea until I witnessed them on the couch say, See, it worked, didn't it? And she was like, my sister started laughing. She's like, Yeah, it worked perfectly. And then her sister-in-law's like, What would you do? She's like, Well, I just like Chris had the idea of like your mom makes some good food. Like, why don't we ask her if she can help out? He's like, and then I know if if your mom's cooking something, then my mom's gonna be like, Oh, well, oh, I can I can cook something too. So they asked my mom to make like a lasagna, my mom's like, Yeah, sure, I'll make a lasagna. And then my sister, her uh mother-in-law is like, oh, well, what are you guys doing? She's like, Oh, it's okay, my mom's cooking some food. Don't worry, you don't have to do anything. She's like, Oh no, forget about that. I'll cook something up for you. So then she cooked up some potatoes, some like roast beef, all these things to go with it. And then her sister-in-law was like, Oh, what are you doing? Like, oh, it's okay, don't worry, you don't have to. My my mom's got it, and your mom's like, Oh, well, I'll make something too. Don't worry about that. And they were all trying to one-up each other, yeah. And they had a fantastic spread that everybody got to enjoy. They had to do absolutely nothing to do it other than to just put people against each other in a contest of food, and it was delicious.

SPEAKER_07 41:19

Yeah, nice.

SPEAKER_08 41:20

But my favorite moment was seeing them smile and laugh together on the couch in their little moment of victory of like, man, that could not have worked out any better.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

I bet if we tell them all not to make anything, they'll make some. Exactly. Fantastic. Gaslighting boomers. Yeah. Using AI to gaslight boomers.

SPEAKER_08 41:43

There is nothing cuter than watching a kid open their presents. And just like the realness of kids' expressions. Like, if adults opened gifts this way that kids did, it would be amazing. I'm just like, literally tear it open, see the thing, drop it. What's next? Yeah. And then he opened this one present that he liked, and it was from his uh little niece. And he opened it and was like, oh, and like saw it and looked at it. And she turned around, looked at her mom, and fist pumped like a tiger wood sinking a putt. This little like three and a half-year-old, four-year-old girl was just like fucking nailed that, like the best present of the day award.

SPEAKER_03 42:30

That's awesome. I saw his reaction when he opened grandmas. Yeah, that was a balk. Gives one of these to grandmas.

SPEAKER_08 42:38

You get such real and raw emotions from a kid opening a present.

SPEAKER_03 42:42

That's coop to a T. We've like Murph's old enough now, she's almost nine, where like she gets it a little. Like, okay, you gotta give some reaction. Right. You can't just, I know it's whatever. If it's a book that you didn't want, just give something. But Coop, man, for his birthday, that was exactly it. And all the kids are around them. Like when they do kids' birthday parties, every friend is like that's far away from the friend. As they open everything up, they're pulling the paper out of the bags for them. And yeah, that was absolutely coop. We'd pull one out and be like, yeah, nope. That goes down there. Next, next bring it in. Come on, what we got here, what we got. That's why the parents who are smart. You gotta give them both. Like, throw in a little bit of candy. If you're getting them something you know that's maybe more for the parents, not for the kid, throw in something so that they can dig away at the bag and they can have something to smile a bit.

SPEAKER_08 43:23

So now we all kind of grew up in somewhat lower class families. Poor. Do you have any embarrassing birthday stories? Like of giving presents. So we didn't have much money.

SPEAKER_09 43:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 43:38

I remember this moment. I should probably go to therapy to talk about it. Um very vividly. Is it was uh a girl in our class. This was probably I'm gonna say grade four or grade five. Um, so you're somewhat old enough to understand and know things. It was her birthday, and we didn't have anything. We probably it was probably last minute because I forgot to. Tell my parents, or we forgot to get a present. What are we gonna do? I'm like, I'll make a card. So I like handmade this card, and I knew my one friend was getting her like movie gift card tickets. So I'm like, well, we can just put like ten dollars in. I think my dad that's all he had in his wallet, probably. So it's like a ten dollar bill inside like a homemade Dave, who's no artist, made homemade card. And I remember her like opening all these presents, and she was from a more well-off family. So she was getting all these like cool presents, and I can remember her opening the card and there just being like a$10 bill, and it's like, oh, that's it, kind of thing. And like I can just remember the embarrassment in that moment of knowing that, like, ah, like I've I gave the worst gift kind of thing. It's like uh and you just feel so like embarrassed and little in that moment. Yeah, yeah. That sounds like a therapy moment.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

Right, right. You give great gifts now.

Kids, Gifts, And Memory Gaps

SPEAKER_06 44:57

Probably I don't remember my much of my childhood. Yeah, no, I don't remember that. Maybe it's like a trauma response, but like I'm learning about that right now in therapy. It's just weird, it's I find it very interesting because when you, Dave, often talk about like your childhood and you have all these memories, and like you remember this, and it's like the the vividness of those memories is something that I'm envious of because when I'm when I think back, there's a couple, I would say a handful of moments that are like trauma moments, but I don't remember celebrating birthday parties or like things, and like I'm sure it happened. Like, I remember I remember watching a homemade video of a birthday party, yeah. And the second you were like, remember birthday parties? I was like, and I was gonna tell that story because I watched it on video, I remember it, but I don't remember living in it, yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 46:00

It's similar, like I I have pictures, yeah, but it's literally from pictures I've seen in albums, and like that's the only reason I remember that.

SPEAKER_06 46:08

And the stories that your parents tell you, like when you're looking through things, you're like, that Halloween you dressed up like a ghost, and then you're like, I dressed up like a ghost when I was a kid, you know? I don't remember being there like trick-or-treating or anything like that. Right, yeah. Um I'm similar, and I I wasn't really gonna talk about it, but the last week we didn't record was because I went to go visit my dad. Um, so it was it's a really weird situation that I'm in right now because that was two weeks ago, and I went to the hospital. For those of you that don't know, my dad's got cancer, and he was in a situation where like this was very much the last time that I was probably gonna see him. So we went and and I went into that wholeheartedly not expecting to ever have a conversation with him again. So we had a very big heart to heart. It was like I came out of it feeling content with like I was able to get my closure and and be good.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

Right.

SPEAKER_06 47:16

And then something happened, and he miraculously got better. During those conversations, he said a lot of things that were like made me forgive him for a lot of stuff, and like we just we had this beautiful moment where we hugged, we loved, we said we love each other, which we never we've never done anything like that. And then two weeks goes by and it's like right back to like nothing. So now it's like I I'm going through these emotions and I'm like trying to think of my childhood and like all these things that he brought up and he said, and he was like, you know, I'm not gonna share his feelings or anything, but he just basically communicated things in such a way where I was like, nah, I get it now that I'm older and it makes sense, and like you I get it, and like I don't I I love you, you know, I forgive you, we're good. And then it's like we have this second opportunity, right? Right to not even like, and I'm not even talking like I want him to come and you know mow my lawn for me or you know, bake make me dinner or anything like that, but like just basic stuff, right? And I'm having a hard time with like the the dealing with that because it's like I know I'm going to regret not spending the time with him in these next couple of I don't know, whatever, whatever. Yeah, but I'm having a hard time being like you were supposed to go. Right. Right. Yeah. So like the the memory that I would have had if that were to happen, and I can't help but feel like a piece of shit. I don't even know where this is coming from, by the way.

SPEAKER_09 49:12

I just kind of showing for the rest of it.

SPEAKER_06 49:16

But it's very difficult for me to be like think back now of like my childhood without being like, none of what you said was true. Otherwise, these last two weeks would have been different different. Yeah, right. And that as I as it leaves my mouth, sounds incredibly selfish to say because this man is basically dying of of cancer, and I'm not in his situation, and I don't know what that feels like, right? And he does have six kids, you know, but it's just it's a lot of that is like but like but why don't I matter? Why don't my kids matter?

SPEAKER_08 49:54

Yeah, you know, which is real, like those are real feelings, and like that is a really hard thing to wrestle with. Um like you said, when you feel like you have that closure and then the wounds kind of get rebrought up, right?

Dad’s Cancer, Closure, And Anger

SPEAKER_06 50:12

Yeah, I I think I think just specifically after I had that conversation and like we had our talk and everything, like I felt lighter, I felt okay, I felt at peace, and like I just I felt genuine love. And then now I feel like that's almost been I don't want to say taken away from me, but I feel like I've been like gaslit or lied to or like or something along those lines. And I think it's when you were talking like oh when I was a kid, when I was a kid, and I'm in this like anti-dad moment right now where I'm like uh yeah, I don't know. I I like I don't know. I don't I don't even know how to explain how I feel in that moment.

SPEAKER_03 51:01

I think it tarnishes what you had, right? Like you had that moment, you had that closure, you had that moment where like okay, maybe it was all okay, and maybe it was for whatever reason, right? Like saying you forgive your dad and that you loved him in a moment like that creates that kind of clarity, and you kind of rewrite something in your head, right? Where now you're coming through it, he doesn't pass, and you don't see that change for probably a justified reason, like you said, right? Like he's sick, he's not well, he's got a big family, but that doesn't change how it's affecting you and the curtain, right?

SPEAKER_06 51:34

It's just weird because even something is like just you telling that story triggers this like anger in me because because I'm trying to remember, and I'm like, oh, I wonder what like what birthday parties, and I'm like trying to think, and all I can think about is like was he there? Was you know what did the are does is it even true? Does you know what I'm saying? Like, I can't, I and I honestly can't remember, and I don't know, I I'm sure it is a a trauma response of something, but it is a like very weird situation to be in where you're like I feel like I have to be nice, right? I feel like I have to suppress my feeling, my genuine feelings now because who knows how many days he has left. Right. And it's not like we've already squashed our stuff, now he's reopened other stuff, but I just I can't help but feel like that's the shit I have to deal with.

SPEAKER_08 52:40

Yeah, and I think that's true. Like I think there is an aspect of it that you need to be able to really work through for yourself because I I wouldn't take for granted the moment that you had with your dad. Yeah, because in those moments you are gonna get the most honesty. Like if somebody thinks they're gone, they're not just saying something for the sake of saying something, they're saying it because what they need you to hear. They need you to know and they need it to be said. So I don't want you to think that that moment wasn't real. No, that's a great point. Because I feel like it 100% is, yeah, and then I think the follow-through from that is one moment isn't gonna heal years of hurt, right? And you will have to carry this out for yourself to to be able to find some of the healing for yourself in that space.

SPEAKER_06 53:32

But I wasn't, I didn't feel hurt until I saw how hurt he was in that moment. So the hurt he had is and the hurt he is carrying from the guilt he was displaying, yeah, and the things that he was saying, it was like that's not accurate. Like that's not that's not how I feel. And I I'm sorry if that's how I've made you feel, but that's not it. Like, I don't there is none of that. Yeah, but then now it's like I'm victimizing myself in this in this moment, but I'm like, no, like that is all of those things that you just said, it was like now the light bulb's on. Do you know what I'm saying? Because now it's like all these things have happened and all these things is done, like like Maverick loves the outdoors. I'm not an outdoor person whatsoever. But he we brought him to the outdoorsman show over the March break because Bass Pro wasn't enough, and then he goes to this archery thing and he nailed like he nailed a bullseye, and I was really proud of him, and I like you know, I send it up, and like, and there's just there's just little things like that where there's nothing, or it's like I talk to him and I'm asking him every day, how's it going? How's it going? How's it going? Oh, yeah, it's good, it's good, it's good. And then he just brings up my brother's kids, and then it's like, dude, what the fuck did I do? You know, yep. And I and again, I don't I wasn't expecting to kind of go there with this, and I don't, I just think that that's I don't know, maybe something.

SPEAKER_08 55:13

I appreciate it though, because I think like it is real conversation, and that's what we talk about this podcast always being, and it's real dad conversation, it's dealing with the past of your father, it's dealing with the present of it, and I think we are all currently dealing with aspects of that. So, like, also know that you're not alone in those feelings. Yeah, nobody's had a perfect life to live, and it's learning how to process that stuff. Because what you could do is walk away from this and forget about it, let it sit there, let it fester, you kind of block it out of your memory. Something happens, it triggers it again for you. This time, maybe a little bit bigger, next time maybe a little bit bigger. If we never deal with or find a way to process the feelings that you're feeling, and I think just talking about it is one way of at least putting it out into the world as opposed to holding it all inside your head and trying to figure it out for yourself. Yeah. I'm not a therapist, I don't have the answers for you, but I'm a person who can sit here and relate with that feeling and understand that feeling of disappointment, that feeling of struggle, the feeling of hurt and pain and feeling like you're alone and like you don't have that support. We all can experience and have had those experiences to different degrees and to different levels. And I think being able to share those, the people that are listening, I'm sure so many people are struggling with that right now, and trying to figure out how to not be that for their kids, but knowing that you're gonna let them down, you're gonna disappoint them in one way or another along the journey.

SPEAKER_03 56:59

And I think one of some of the things that I've learned just walking through some of this stuff with therapy is exactly that it's talking about it. Like I feel like there's we talk about uh processing things and working through things. There is no other side. There isn't another side to this where you start doing therapy every single day and it heals all of that. And you're like, oh, now I get it. Now I no longer have to resent that. That doesn't happen. What happens is you get more comfortable talking about it and you start to understand what how it has affected you and why it triggers those things.

SPEAKER_06 57:31

But is there comfort in that understanding?

SPEAKER_03 57:33

Absolutely, and I think it because it brings it takes away the unknown, it takes away the why the fuck do I feel that way every time this happens. Right. Every time I feel like I do this, or why is there an emptiness there? Why, when Dave brings up birthday parties, am I all of a sudden just feeling like shitty about myself? So it starts to gain some perspective for yourself on those things and some understanding of yourself because I feel like that's one of the biggest things with therapy. It's understanding yourself because I feel like we have these parts that are buried that are you don't have those memories. I'm very similar where like I don't have a lot of memories of my childhood, and like the same thing there. Like I had one that popped into my head, but it was because it was one good one where like we were able to buy this thing that I knew what one friend wanted. I didn't even like this guy, but I knew like it was a what they call there was a show of sharks, and they were like sharks, but they had bodies and they were like all muscly.

SPEAKER_01 58:23

Oh, I thought I used to have those action figures.

SPEAKER_03 58:26

So I bought him one of those action figures, yeah. So I bought him one of those action figures, and I was like pumped, and then he ended up liking it. So that was like the one memory that clicked in. I was like, Oh, I remember that one because I was I think I wanted it, and then we bought it and I gave it to him, and he was pumped. Um, tangent. But I think that's what I have gained, I think a lot of from therapy is understanding about myself and understanding yeah, why things trigger me the way that they do, why certain feelings exist inside of me. And I think it is accepting some of those things too of like, man, some things were really shitty growing up. And my dad fucked up a lot as a dad, in my opinion, with a lot of the ways that he went about things for reasons. There's always reasons. Like there's their standing, there's the way they were raised, the culture that was around them, the world that was around them. Like, there's so many reasons why, but that doesn't take away the fact that it happened to you. It doesn't take away the fact that you didn't have the loving dad who was caring and supportive and walked you through life and taught you things. Like it doesn't fix that. But at least being able to acknowledge it, I think for me, took away some of the resentment that was there. Where it's like, okay, I can just acknowledge that that exists. I can acknowledge that I didn't have the dad that I'm gonna be for my kids, but I'm gonna be that for my kids. And like that's the one thing that popped into me when you were saying about that, where it's like, we're all giving that to our kids. Like the amount of times we've talked about the core memories that we know we're creating that are happy moments, that are these moments that our kids are gonna be able to look back on and be like, yeah, my dad used to do these Sunday smoke dinners, and maybe they remember that one time you fucked up the ham, right? Like they're gonna have all of those, and that's what we're getting to create with our kids. And I think that's again, that's a lot of what I'm taking away from my walkthrough therapy is like, yeah, I we want to identify the things we don't want to do the same as our parents, but if we don't, if we do that in a way where we aren't actually walking through how it affected us, then we don't we're not actually doing a cause and effect, we're not actually addressing some of those things. Um, because often it is just showing up for your kids and it's deciding to make good memories with them. Um, because yeah, life kicks your ass.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:41

It's part of why you were upset because you felt like that conversation would have sparked a change.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:50

I I think I think it answered a lot of questions, yeah, but I think it also I I saw my current self in him with the regret and like the the things he was saying. So like he owned his own business and he was you know he wasn't really around a lot. He was around when we needed him, and like he's there, but that's how I feel sometimes. And I think most of my sympathy was because I was like, I I get it. Like I I'm now at the age he was at when I would have been younger, and I understand now like some struggles and some some things, you know. And his dad died when he was really young, and his mom was like older and and couldn't take care of so like his parents were not as involved as like my grandmother was involved. It's a very similar situation to like mine and Robin's. Like Robin's parents are very actively involved in my kids' lives, but my parents are not. And it's just like a weird, like it was a very weird, similar thing to be like when he was saying the the how he felt, I was like, whoa, that's not how I I see you. But now I've had two weeks to kind of be like, you know, when I heard that he was gonna get out of the hospital, I was like jacked. I was excited. And then I I just found out that he was he's been in the hospital since Sunday. Right. And it's like I've been sending messages, I've been you know, all the things. And it's like, you know, and it's and his excuse, if I'm being honest, is just like such a shitty, stupid argument. He's like, I don't want to burden you guys. Like but you are though, yeah, you know, and it's like it's such a boomer mindset thing to say, like it's so enraging because it's like we just want what's best, you know, for like everybody, and if anything, we just want to be there, right? Yeah, I don't necessarily care, I don't remember half the shit anyway, so I don't care. Yeah, but I do care to like come up and eat my fucked up ham. Right, you know, or like because those are like you said, those are the I'm not gonna lie to you, one of the biggest core memories I have is kind of morbid to say now, but like I've been going down this rabbit hole, I think I told you guys, like a rabbit hole of like my family history, right? And I came across like all these pictures of like his dad, his grandpa, his great-grandpa, all the way back to England, and so I'm like I'm screenshotting these things and I'm texting them to him, and I didn't realize that like one of the things I screenshotted was a picture of a tombstone that said racing on it with David underneath it because that was his great-grandfather's name, and then that's his name. So he was a bit pissed off at me because he sent it to him because I've been sending it to him, but I just meanly I was trying to talk to him. First of all, clicking the little fucking things on the iCloud is like way too sensitive about that. You can accidentally send some crazy shit in there. So the ideology behind it was I saw this tombstone because it was his dad's tombstone, but his dad's tombstone is not where his mom's tombstone was. Okay, so I had screenshotted the racin tombstone that said David on it to send to my brothers to be like, Where is this? And there's like four of their plots in there, because I know where my grandmother's is. So, anyways, I send him all this stuff, and I was like, Did you see all the like ancestor stuff? I was like, We go back to like 1700s, and like there's pictures of like, you know, like Charles the First. Like, that's crazy. And he goes, Yeah, you son of a bitch, you sent me a picture of my fucking grave. I'm looking through my message and I was like, oh my god. It's like I'm sitting in here dying. I don't need to be reminded of that. And like the whoopsies. Those are the stories that you don't get if you're not in communication, doing those things. You know, and like that is a story uh knowing me, I'm gonna tell my grandkids about that story. And that'll be the thing that they know him to be. Like that thing. And and that's the other thing is like the legends that he create like the legend that he is, or like the legacy that he leaves behind to my kids is obviously put on a pedestal and like Yeah, I don't know. It's like uh It sounds terrible, but it's like a broken telephone situation. My kids are gonna look at him as like being a knight in shining armor and I just want to be the knight in shining armor, you know? And maybe that's the gift that he's given me, and that's what I need to take away from all this. Right. Just being able to have this conversation. But I I I don't know. My biggest fear is to become my dad. And and it's not a shot. I love him, and I I I just want him to be at peace, and I don't want him to hurt anymore. But I don't want to be that way. For my family.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:19

Which is fair. And that's something great to recognize, right? And it's something to strive for yourself to be.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:26

I mean, yeah, the kids on the third wife by the time he was 40, so I think you're already a generation of persons there, at least. To begin with. There you go.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:34

Kids sure have a way of humbling you though. No matter how much you try your best and provide them with things that you they love and they're happy about.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:44

Oh, you have no idea.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:45

They will just tear you to shit. So this lovely family cottage that we have, we went up during March break, and um, I decided on our last day to gut one of the basement rooms. Um I had been working all the other times, and the kids had been wanting to play, and I had a lot of work to do, so I wasn't able to. Um, one day I was like, I'm gonna finish early, so then we can go play. Finished up around four o'clock, and they literally like walked in the door as in they were all done by the time I was like, Well, I was just coming, and they're like, Right, oh, whatever. And it was one of those like, like, why don't you play with us, Dad? Right. So then last day, I'm like, okay, I'm not working, it's Saturday, but I need to work on the cottage. So this one basement room, we need to get it gutted so that my son and daughter can use it, so that one of the other kids can have the room that they're in, so that they're out of a closet. Anyways, this room's a bit of a disaster. We're moving rooms around, anyways. This one room needs to get a closet. It's a pretty big closet. It's a decent sized storage room. We'll call it a utility. We'll call it a utility. They could live for a long time. Yeah, there's lots of air. Um go down to gut this room thinking should be okay. You know, just rip up some laminate flooring, tear up some subfloor, and there's some rotting joists under there, like two by fours. Open it up to find just an absolute shit storm of water. They had put pink insulation down that was just paper towel that was soaking up water for I don't know how many floods. The two by fours they had as these like little floor support boards for the subfloor completely rotten and crumble. The smell in there was absolutely awful. I can't really imagine. I'm busting my ass, hauling all this shit out, almost puking with the smell of the mold and everything. Get it all done. Shouldn't smell mold then. No, I should have put a mask on for sure. Yeah, I definitely should have. That one knocked a couple of ears off. Business owner doesn't. But it was I looked, I looked for one. I looked for a mask. I didn't look. Yeah, I did look. Those LEDs are really good. I probably wouldn't have seen it because I was so lightheaded from all the mold. But it was one of those you opened up a can of worms, you gotta get it out. I'm not leaving it like this. So work doing all that. I would have left it for Joey. The kids the kids are outside playing and waiting for dad to come play. I'm broken after doing all of this. I've been an office guy for a little while now, and getting back into some physical labor, my body was just like I need to lay down on the bed for a sec before we pack up to go. 75 hard. And the kids were like, What? Like, you said you were gonna play with us. You never even played with us. Like, what do you mean? And just made me feel like an absolute piece of shit of a dad. Of like, you don't even care about us, like, you don't even want to play with us. Like, are you fucking with me right now? Like, have you really? Really? Like, they have no concept of like what you are doing and how that matters nothing to them. They don't care. And it just tears you down to the point where I was like, I don't know if I can do work up here while they're here, because like I don't know how to do work without feeling guilty of not doing stuff with them. And I want them to be involved. And I started this out by like getting the girls to help me out in this room doing some demo. Then when I smelt it and saw what was going on, I was like, never mind, go outside. You go outside, you don't need to be in here anymore. So it's like my hope and dream of this was that I would get to work on these things with the kids and create those experiences. Kids don't want to do that, they want to play in the forest, they want to go play hide and seek or play manhunt.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:41

They don't want to do renovations or broken telephone. All those fucking memories of the cottage and the things and like the stories that your parents told you, all bullshit. You didn't do any of that. You went in, you piss them off, and then they were like, they'd fucking flick bottle caps over, and they'd be like, hey, run to the fucking shed over there and grab me another beer. And that's you were a fucking you literally just a delivery service. You were Uber. That's what you were. You were the over eats Uber. Eatsing beer to your parents, and then they thought that you were the fucking best thing, or like, hold this flashlight. That was your fun.

Cottage Work Guilt And Kid Truth

SPEAKER_08 1:12:18

That was the thing, yeah. Yeah, but it is like it's hard to do like to do things that you're hoping to help them or provide for them or give them an experience, and you do all of these things, you play with them, you have fun with them, and they like the one time you have to do something else instead of them, then they're like, You never do anything. Yeah, and it's like, what the hell? Like, even tonight, my daughters wanted to play like a little game before bed, and like my one daughter, she knows how to cut deep with words, like she knows what she's doing to the point where it's like, babe, you need to check yourself. She is quick to apologize, but she knows what she's saying because my wife was feeling tired. She's kind of like, No, I don't have games in me today, babe. Like, it's not happening. She's like, You never play games with us, mom. And I was like, Are you kidding me? Like, you do not say that to your mom right now because she just spent like a week of playing games with you and doing all this fun for you. Like, don't you dare. And then I leave the room and later on I hear like, Mom, I'm really sorry about what I said about you not playing with us. I do I do know that you play with us. I'm like, you little shit. Like, they know how to tear you down and just cut a bite out of you.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:27

Like, well, they just don't have a filter, right? Like, that's the thing with kids. They say the thing that pops into their head more often than not. A lot of that is the environment that you create.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:35

Exactly. They feel safe enough, they don't know like the ramifications of like speaking back. Oh, yeah. And especially second, or I'm assuming thirdborns. But like Maverick is a mouthpiece to the point where like if I did that, right, and kind of we were in that situation of like you do not talk to your mom like that, and be like, well, how about you? You're talking to me like that right now. So what do you have to say about yourself? You know, turn it right back out. And you're just kind of like, be right, and I'm sorry, and put that fucking mullet to sleep. Yeah, okay, just go to bed.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:20

I don't know about my thirdborn yet, but I do know that he's a liar. That's what I know about him. Like tonight, it's a perfect example. He I'm like, dude, uh, you gotta wash your face. He's like, I did wash my face. His face is covered in blueberries. Like, it's like not even close to washing. Like, did you look in the mirror? Yeah, I washed my face. No, you didn't. He just like straight faced, looks me right in the eye. I absolutely wash my face, Dad.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:55

You missed the face. Go back to the wash for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:58

Yeah, look yourself in the mirror.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:02

Shame on you. Man, uh I hate it, but I love when kids lie. It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:11

And then it's like so boldly, but it's like tell their lie face so easily.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:16

And then so like Aubrey will Aubrey's a liar too. And so we'll be like, Did you wash your hands? And she'll be like, Yeah, I did. And I'm like, Let me smell them. She's like, I didn't.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:25

Immediately we're like, just just you call around on like something like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:32

Like, just let me let me test it. Like, let me test it. And she was like, give me a second.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:38

He just like goes to the bathroom. Yeah, that's the first thing Crew does now because he got caught too many times, Lion. He like runs out of the bathroom, smell my hand!

SPEAKER_08 1:15:50

Promised I won.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:51

Yeah, I caught Maverick the other day. Maverick with the thing, and he only two fingers. He like puts the two, he puts the soap on the two fingers. No, but he didn't even rub them together. He puts the soap on the two fingers and he goes like this, and then he rub things, and then I like, I was like, What are you doing? And he goes, uh That's what I grabbed it with. I only I only hold my penis with these three fingers, Dot. It's like a cigarette.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:12

He's like, I don't need to wash the rest of them. I'm like, wash your fucking hands.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:17

It's not that hard. It's an opportunity to wash your hands. Just take it and go with it. They all do it though. At least we know that they all do it.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:26

What a beautiful journey life is, isn't it? Just beautiful. What a this episode has been a beautiful journey. I'll tell you that. Speaking about the beauty of life, I don't think I have announced it on here yet. Okay. Um, but one of our Patreons, Daniel Lansdowne, they had their second baby.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:43

Hey y'all!

SPEAKER_08 1:16:44

So Henry Parker Lansdowne was born, six pounds, 14 ounces, 20 inches. Um, and mom is healthy, baby is healthy. It's been a few weeks now because we haven't recorded. Yeah, yeah. Um, but they are still doing well because I had checked in on them. Are they in Canada? They are not.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:02

No merch.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:03

No states.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:04

Oh, I'd love to hear their perspective on like babies in states. Yeah, bring it. We should bring them on. Yep, yep. Fly them out to Canada.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:12

I asked him, uh, sorry, I just didn't know if you were gonna go hard political for a second. And I was like, I'm allowed to measure. Anyways, yes. Um, I asked him if he has any advice for any new dads that are in the exact same spot as him. So they're probably like three weeks in an hour, I think. Um, and he said, if you have the capacity to cover the nights, so your partner can get as real of rest as they can while still pumping or breastfeeding. It's exhausting for the moms, so it's definitely a huge help and also really eases the tension and stress level in the house. If my wife sleeps, I get more quiet time during the day uh to rest or get even 15 to 30 minute break so that he needs to survive. Um, so handling the heavy activity during the day, and then the toddler is yelling and running around. So he has a little hack is take the night shift so that you can take the break during the day when the toddler's also involved in that. Right. So let's let mom recover. So it's kind of like a bit of a hack, yeah. You're doing a good job, like you're doing the thing, but you're also in and we see you.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:23

Um, he's in a bit of a unique spot because he's got some time off right now. So he does have the ability to take over those night shifts and stuff. Um, but if you do have a newborn and you do have the ability to help out, whether that's during the day or night, just help, guys. Yeah, just help where you can help. Take a shift, be a team player.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:44

So not necessarily night, because again, getting back to work, it's not necessarily for everybody that ability to stay up through the night. So for me and Meg, it was the evenings where it was like I knew from basically 8 p.m. till 1 a.m. I'm on full dad duty. I'm just I'm bringing baby to breastfeed, taking the baby back down. And then that way you know that's good, like four or five hours where other than that feeding time, they can just check out, go to sleep.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:10

Pick your time, pick your time, and know what you're good at because some people are not good on no sleep. Like some people, like I feel like Mark could run on no sleep. Like you feel like I am right now. Exactly. Yeah, you can just keep on running. Some people are absolutely miserable. And if you or your wife is one of those people, just make sure you're in a good spot, make sure you're getting that rest where you need it.

Newborn Night Shifts And Support

SPEAKER_06 1:19:33

Yeah, one thing that I would I would say, because my brother-in-law just went back to work, so he took some time off. The amount of anxiety that that can bring on to your partner if you take off some time like that. Right. So I would even encourage, like, try to support as much as you can while you're away. Like, if you're back to work, maybe order some dinner in and then like give a call and say, like, hey, just to let you know, like I if you have the Uber Eats or whatever, like I I ordered us some dinner so that we don't have to worry about the thing. Because going from one to two is a lot. It is. Yeah. Especially if like, and then doing it by yourself is even more crazy. So like if yes, as I'm just gonna say, as dads, there is that like notion where okay, we get to quote unquote escape because we have to go to work or you know, whatever. If the situation is reversed, I don't I don't want to put labels on it, but the more you can try to be helpful and present while you're not there, I think will go a long way to alleviate some of that stress as well.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got one more story for you before we go. I know you're starting to fall asleep, but I if I don't say it now, I'm gonna forget it. Because it was also at this same birthday party. Is that Mark Wrayson's story? No, I'll keep it short. At this same birthday party, the conversation of vasectomies came up. My brother is hasn't had one yet, and he was like uh on the fence about it. And then me and this other guy were like, It's the best thing ever. And like this other guy, I don't know him very well. Okay, but all of a sudden it was one of those. I'm like, man, we have a podcast and we told all of our vasectomy stories. It's beautiful. Everybody has a different story. I'm like, Did you go to a hospital or a specialist? And he was like, hospital. I was like, Oh, okay. So did you also have a nurse? He's like, There were two nurses in the room, dude. Like, yeah, like with mine. I'm like, mine at the hospital is great. I had this heat lamp because you know you're worried about how you're gonna present. He's like, I didn't get a heat lamp, and we're like, we're going back and forth. And I'm like, yeah, and then the nurses like one nurse's job was just to hold me down, and he was like, Me too. And I'm like, you're staring up at the sky, being like, Don't move, don't move, don't move. You've got like one public spot on the ceiling tile that you're just like focusing in on. He's like just like completely relating with me in this moment, and we were killing ourselves laughing. And my brother's like, you are not selling this process very well. Like, don't worry, afterwards, it's beautiful. When you know you're shooting blanks, you and your partner are in a happier place. Yeah, yeah. And the kids are like, Dad's telling the vicectomy story. Arya was on the ground, and then like five minutes later, after all of that hustle and bustle, she's like, I realized that if you live on the ground quietly, adults tell some weird stories.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:36

Yes, we do.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:39

She got to learn a lot of that.

Vasectomy Small Talk At Birthdays

SPEAKER_06 1:22:44

Well, I there was only like this much left in the thing. So I threw it in the garbage at like 11 o'clock. Okay, a whole lifetime has gone by since this time. And then I'm like, what are you looking for? Brown sugar, this brown sugar, and I pull it out of the garbage. The only thing that makes my wife more disgusted than a messy kitchen is pulling out a condiment from the garbage can with my suggestion to eat it.