{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":4.52,"endTime":7.078,"body":"This is another episode of stand up comedy. Your"},{"startTime":7.134,"endTime":10.702,"body":"host and MC celebrating 40 plus years on the"},{"startTime":10.726,"endTime":14.622,"body":"fringe of show business. Stories, interviews and comedy sets"},{"startTime":14.646,"endTime":18.566,"body":"from the famous and not so famous. Here's your"},{"startTime":18.598,"endTime":21.17,"body":"host and MC, Scott Edwards."},{"startTime":22.39,"endTime":25.358,"body":"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the podcast. We"},{"startTime":25.374,"endTime":27.862,"body":"have some great stand up comedy for you today."},{"startTime":28.046,"endTime":32.046,"body":"Two great acts are featured. Act he was the"},{"startTime":32.078,"endTime":35.062,"body":"warm up comic is a talented guy out of"},{"startTime":35.086,"endTime":38.262,"body":"Los Angeles. He hasn't really gone on and done"},{"startTime":38.326,"endTime":39.958,"body":"much. In fact, I think he got out of"},{"startTime":39.974,"endTime":43.238,"body":"the business pretty early. But his name's Brian Catalina"},{"startTime":43.294,"endTime":46.038,"body":"and you'll hear him here doing a short set."},{"startTime":46.174,"endTime":49.246,"body":"But the star of this show is Rich hall."},{"startTime":49.398,"endTime":51.958,"body":"That's right, Rich hall. You may remember that name."},{"startTime":52.014,"endTime":54.998,"body":"He was a regular on Saturday Night Live. Also"},{"startTime":55.054,"endTime":58.208,"body":"was a writer and regular appearance on the Letterman"},{"startTime":58.264,"endTime":61.376,"body":"show with David Letterman. We haven't seen or heard"},{"startTime":61.408,"endTime":63.472,"body":"too much of him lately because he moved over"},{"startTime":63.496,"endTime":67.04,"body":"to England where he is a prolific writer and"},{"startTime":67.08,"endTime":71.36,"body":"television performer. And an author, he's written four books."},{"startTime":71.4,"endTime":74.752,"body":"So in this stand up comedy set, we have"},{"startTime":74.776,"endTime":77.76,"body":"a little bit by Brian Catalina and the star"},{"startTime":77.8,"endTime":80.34,"body":"of this segment, rich hall."},{"startTime":80.8,"endTime":82.952,"body":"Hi, welcome to the tool segment portion of our"},{"startTime":82.976,"endTime":85.424,"body":"show. Yeah, today we're gonna be building shit the"},{"startTime":85.432,"endTime":87.808,"body":"way a bit like to build shit. I'll be"},{"startTime":87.824,"endTime":90.552,"body":"using the three main tool groups. A hammer, a"},{"startTime":90.576,"endTime":95.04,"body":"steak knife, six pack of bud. Stay tuned next"},{"startTime":95.08,"endTime":97.176,"body":"week when we redo that electrical system with speaker"},{"startTime":97.208,"endTime":100.272,"body":"wire. I like PBS. You got any other PBS"},{"startTime":100.336,"endTime":104.904,"body":"fans here by applause. People with glasses on, the"},{"startTime":104.912,"endTime":106.768,"body":"accurate clapping. Very quiet. Oh, yes, Brian, we might"},{"startTime":106.784,"endTime":107.66,"body":"go for it."},{"startTime":108.12,"endTime":108.48,"body":"Sure."},{"startTime":108.52,"endTime":112.752,"body":"Especially the animal mating programs. Brian, I can videotape"},{"startTime":112.776,"endTime":114.38,"body":"that shit. We want you to watch it backwards."},{"startTime":116.06,"endTime":120.108,"body":"Educational. I like those animal shows, you know. Cause"},{"startTime":120.124,"endTime":122.16,"body":"they help you understand how things came to be."},{"startTime":122.58,"endTime":124.844,"body":"Always got some nice guy on there explaining everything."},{"startTime":124.892,"endTime":129.96,"body":"Of course they ringtail monkey, evolved a long tail."},{"startTime":130.26,"endTime":130.572,"body":"What?"},{"startTime":130.596,"endTime":132.188,"body":"You'd have to leave he's leaf from tree to"},{"startTime":132.204,"endTime":135.724,"body":"tree. Yeah, I think that's nice. I think 5000"},{"startTime":135.772,"endTime":136.852,"body":"years from now though, they're gonna have a show"},{"startTime":136.876,"endTime":144.166,"body":"on PBS about us. A north american yuppie. All"},{"startTime":144.278,"endTime":148.606,"body":"the enormous rectum which allowed him to move easily"},{"startTime":148.638,"endTime":156.886,"body":"up and down the corporate ladder. The yuppie people"},{"startTime":156.918,"endTime":157.81,"body":"are pissed."},{"startTime":158.75,"endTime":159.238,"body":"This man."},{"startTime":159.254,"endTime":161.238,"body":"I can't scrape that Pete Wilson bumper sticker off"},{"startTime":161.254,"endTime":162.09,"body":"the Volvo."},{"startTime":165.11,"endTime":166.13,"body":"Ouch."},{"startTime":170.06,"endTime":174.876,"body":"The truth is nasty. I saw an interesting show"},{"startTime":174.908,"endTime":177.652,"body":"on PBS actually today. Wife and I are thinking"},{"startTime":177.676,"endTime":179.732,"body":"about having children. You guys got any plans for"},{"startTime":179.756,"endTime":184.948,"body":"kids yet? No. Try to get married first. Pretty"},{"startTime":184.964,"endTime":188.348,"body":"much get through that hoop first. Yeah, we're at"},{"startTime":188.364,"endTime":189.876,"body":"that point, you know, like should we have kids."},{"startTime":189.908,"endTime":192.588,"body":"Shouldn't we have kids? So we're thinking about reading"},{"startTime":192.604,"endTime":194.465,"body":"the books, all that. Yeah, I was watching it."},{"startTime":194.6,"endTime":196.878,"body":"I was watching this PBS show today about different"},{"startTime":196.934,"endTime":199.702,"body":"methods of birthing that they have now, which is"},{"startTime":199.726,"endTime":200.278,"body":"really, you know."},{"startTime":200.334,"endTime":201.15,"body":"There'S a lot of options."},{"startTime":201.19,"endTime":203.17,"body":"I didn't know that, like, they have water birthing."},{"startTime":203.59,"endTime":205.278,"body":"This is where the woman actually gives birth to"},{"startTime":205.294,"endTime":208.206,"body":"her baby underwater. I'm thinking, geez, what's a kid"},{"startTime":208.238,"endTime":210.454,"body":"gonna think if he comes out underwater and he"},{"startTime":210.462,"endTime":212.318,"body":"comes out, he looks. He thinks, jesus, I'm a"},{"startTime":212.334,"endTime":217.334,"body":"guppy. And in the far east, they have this"},{"startTime":217.382,"endTime":219.278,"body":"squatting technique. Have you ever heard of this where"},{"startTime":219.294,"endTime":222.3,"body":"the woman actually hangs on a bar, you know,"},{"startTime":222.34,"endTime":223.732,"body":"and gravity just, boom."},{"startTime":223.796,"endTime":225.548,"body":"The baby comes right out, man."},{"startTime":225.724,"endTime":227.548,"body":"He starts screaming right away too, man. He hits"},{"startTime":227.564,"endTime":230.628,"body":"that cold tile and boom. Nothing to slap him"},{"startTime":230.644,"endTime":233.708,"body":"or anything. Of course, the conventional method of birthing"},{"startTime":233.764,"endTime":235.308,"body":"is kind of weird too. I mean, you know,"},{"startTime":235.324,"endTime":237.732,"body":"what's a child's first depression that way? Baby comes"},{"startTime":237.756,"endTime":240.1,"body":"out in an operating room. What's in there? Bright"},{"startTime":240.14,"endTime":244.788,"body":"lights, naked woman spanking. Thinking, holy shit, mom's a"},{"startTime":244.804,"endTime":251.408,"body":"porno star. I was over at my friend William's"},{"startTime":251.424,"endTime":253.832,"body":"house. Now he's got about a one year old,"},{"startTime":253.856,"endTime":256.312,"body":"so that his old boys running around and stuff,"},{"startTime":256.416,"endTime":257.976,"body":"they just had a guy come out and childproof"},{"startTime":258.008,"endTime":261.048,"body":"the house for him. He paid $480 to have"},{"startTime":261.064,"endTime":264.232,"body":"a guy childproof his house. I'm thinking, geez, man,"},{"startTime":264.296,"endTime":266.056,"body":"it'd be cheaper. Just go to the emergency room"},{"startTime":266.088,"endTime":280.272,"body":"once in a while. You ever been to someone's"},{"startTime":280.296,"endTime":284.224,"body":"house that's been childproof? It's ridiculous. You go in"},{"startTime":284.232,"endTime":285.904,"body":"the bathroom and you try to lift up the"},{"startTime":285.912,"endTime":288.968,"body":"lid and there's this clamp thing on there, and"},{"startTime":288.984,"endTime":290.576,"body":"you're like, you really gotta go. And you're there"},{"startTime":290.608,"endTime":292.728,"body":"fighting this thing. You wanna go out there and"},{"startTime":292.744,"endTime":294.52,"body":"ask your friends how to do the child proof"},{"startTime":294.56,"endTime":297.488,"body":"thing, you know, finally, of course, the child wanders"},{"startTime":297.504,"endTime":304.738,"body":"in and then does it for you, talking about"},{"startTime":304.754,"endTime":306.354,"body":"children. This is where my wife did that sticky."},{"startTime":306.402,"endTime":308.394,"body":"We did these little sticky arguments, you know, I"},{"startTime":308.402,"endTime":309.962,"body":"don't know if you get these arguments with your"},{"startTime":309.986,"endTime":311.898,"body":"loved one, but about, it's easier to be a"},{"startTime":311.914,"endTime":314.002,"body":"man or it's easier to be a woman. And"},{"startTime":314.026,"endTime":315.282,"body":"you get to that certain point, well, it's much"},{"startTime":315.306,"endTime":316.234,"body":"easier to be a man. You know, if I"},{"startTime":316.242,"endTime":317.71,"body":"was a man, things would be a lot easier."},{"startTime":318.61,"endTime":320.362,"body":"And, you know, we're trying to cool out on"},{"startTime":320.386,"endTime":322.506,"body":"that. You know, after seeing these books on birth"},{"startTime":322.538,"endTime":323.642,"body":"and everything, I'm starting to have a lot more"},{"startTime":323.666,"endTime":325.586,"body":"respect for women. I'm like, Jesus. That big, huh?"},{"startTime":325.618,"endTime":326.23,"body":"Wow."},{"startTime":329.14,"endTime":331.58,"body":"And I think men and women would get along"},{"startTime":331.62,"endTime":332.636,"body":"a little bit better if we had to walk"},{"startTime":332.668,"endTime":335.804,"body":"a mile in each other's shoes. You know, I"},{"startTime":335.812,"endTime":337.46,"body":"think men could make an effort to understand women"},{"startTime":337.5,"endTime":339.28,"body":"a little bit better. Ladies, you with me, Herman?"},{"startTime":341.14,"endTime":346.788,"body":"That's true. They have to do stuff we don't"},{"startTime":346.804,"endTime":348.036,"body":"have to do. So I think they understand women"},{"startTime":348.068,"endTime":349.924,"body":"a little bit better. All men should have to"},{"startTime":349.932,"endTime":353.036,"body":"do the following. Number one, I think that all"},{"startTime":353.068,"endTime":354.796,"body":"men should have to drive from here to Bakersfield"},{"startTime":354.828,"endTime":356.84,"body":"and back when a pair of pantyhose don't fit."},{"startTime":360.63,"endTime":362.886,"body":"I think that all men should have to open"},{"startTime":362.918,"endTime":364.574,"body":"a six pack of butt cans. While wearing a"},{"startTime":364.582,"endTime":369.102,"body":"full set of lead press on nails. And I"},{"startTime":369.126,"endTime":371.294,"body":"think all nails, at least once in their lives,"},{"startTime":371.422,"endTime":373.742,"body":"should have to walk through those doctors doors. And"},{"startTime":373.766,"endTime":375.49,"body":"put their feet up in those curls."},{"startTime":383.07,"endTime":386.61,"body":"I don't want to do it. All right, again."},{"startTime":388.43,"endTime":395.862,"body":"Imagine him up in the stirrups. Hey, Doug, how"},{"startTime":395.886,"endTime":398.358,"body":"you doing? What?"},{"startTime":398.534,"endTime":399.35,"body":"What do you mean?"},{"startTime":399.39,"endTime":403.958,"body":"Scoot down. I'm gonna crack it up, guys. He's"},{"startTime":403.974,"endTime":416.648,"body":"like, scoot down. The hell is that? They'll get"},{"startTime":416.664,"endTime":421.288,"body":"a little chat on the way home tonight. Of"},{"startTime":421.304,"endTime":423.32,"body":"course, fairness to the guys, I think the women"},{"startTime":423.36,"endTime":424.528,"body":"can maybe understand us."},{"startTime":424.544,"endTime":428.672,"body":"A little bit better. Guys. Listening. Guys, over here."},{"startTime":428.696,"endTime":432.096,"body":"I don't think so, mister comedian. It'll be really"},{"startTime":432.128,"endTime":432.688,"body":"hot tomorrow."},{"startTime":432.744,"endTime":433.848,"body":"We want to stay out in the garage all"},{"startTime":433.864,"endTime":434.42,"body":"day."},{"startTime":438.4,"endTime":439.68,"body":"No, we do. We have to step in and"},{"startTime":439.68,"endTime":440.768,"body":"we have to. So I think you understand us"},{"startTime":440.784,"endTime":442.518,"body":"a little bit better. All women should have to"},{"startTime":442.534,"endTime":445.166,"body":"do the following. Number one, I think that all"},{"startTime":445.198,"endTime":446.79,"body":"women should have to pretend not to be afraid."},{"startTime":446.83,"endTime":448.438,"body":"While searching for that burglar in a pair of"},{"startTime":448.454,"endTime":449.69,"body":"red boxer shorts."},{"startTime":452.11,"endTime":454.094,"body":"I think that all women should have."},{"startTime":454.102,"endTime":456.502,"body":"To successfully repair a colored tv. Using only scotch"},{"startTime":456.526,"endTime":460.262,"body":"tape and a steak knife. And I think all"},{"startTime":460.326,"endTime":462.534,"body":"women, at least once in their lives, should have"},{"startTime":462.542,"endTime":464.934,"body":"to return that darn porno video in broad daylight"},{"startTime":464.982,"endTime":473.206,"body":"and in person. Misses Catalina, your take on seat"},{"startTime":473.238,"endTime":483.142,"body":"here. Blade runner. Yeah. Butt slammers. Holidays. Hold on"},{"startTime":483.166,"endTime":485.622,"body":"just a second. Roy, you can stop looking for"},{"startTime":485.646,"endTime":491.83,"body":"butt slammers. Holiday misses Catalina had it nine days"},{"startTime":491.87,"endTime":499.008,"body":"late. Why would I just have to go see"},{"startTime":499.024,"endTime":500.904,"body":"a counselor? Because we're having kind of this communication"},{"startTime":500.952,"endTime":502.496,"body":"problem. Or actually, she told me I was having"},{"startTime":502.528,"endTime":505.496,"body":"the communication problem. She was saying that I don't"},{"startTime":505.528,"endTime":509.608,"body":"communicate with them. But if you guys ever had"},{"startTime":509.624,"endTime":510.848,"body":"that problem, I've got good news for you. Because"},{"startTime":510.864,"endTime":513.768,"body":"the counselor told me some great information. Council pointed"},{"startTime":513.784,"endTime":515.048,"body":"out that there are certain things that men are"},{"startTime":515.064,"endTime":519.528,"body":"just genetically unable to say. That's right. It's not"},{"startTime":519.544,"endTime":524.12,"body":"our fault. Disease. I had a lot of training."},{"startTime":524.16,"endTime":525.808,"body":"I've been working really hard on this and I'm"},{"startTime":525.824,"endTime":527.808,"body":"going to demonstrate several of these phrases for you"},{"startTime":527.824,"endTime":530.24,"body":"right now. But before I do, I want to"},{"startTime":530.32,"endTime":532.736,"body":"warn you guys, please not try this at home"},{"startTime":532.768,"endTime":535.728,"body":"tonight. I have a hard thing to do, so"},{"startTime":535.744,"endTime":536.224,"body":"bear with me."},{"startTime":536.272,"endTime":536.8,"body":"Here you go."},{"startTime":536.88,"endTime":543.54,"body":"Three things that men are genetically. I was wrong."},{"startTime":561.54,"endTime":577.96,"body":"Commitment. We are lost."},{"startTime":591.56,"endTime":592.008,"body":"Brian."},{"startTime":592.064,"endTime":596.504,"body":"Catalina. Ladies and gentlemen, let's say the wild man"},{"startTime":596.552,"endTime":599.592,"body":"from LA. What happened to the show? You're having"},{"startTime":599.616,"endTime":600.44,"body":"a good time?"},{"startTime":600.6,"endTime":601.38,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":602.0,"endTime":603.92,"body":"Good. We're perking up as a group. I like"},{"startTime":603.96,"endTime":607.576,"body":"that. Ladies and gentlemen, we have shows Tuesday through"},{"startTime":607.608,"endTime":609.096,"body":"Sunday. If you have a good time tonight, these"},{"startTime":609.128,"endTime":611.328,"body":"same people will be here tomorrow night. If you"},{"startTime":611.344,"endTime":612.808,"body":"have a good time, tell your friends. And if"},{"startTime":612.824,"endTime":614.7,"body":"you don't, kind of keep your mouth shut. Thanks."},{"startTime":615.64,"endTime":618.764,"body":"Shows Tuesday through Sunday, normally next week starting Tuesday,"},{"startTime":618.852,"endTime":621.092,"body":"Rick Corso will be here. Very funny comic from"},{"startTime":621.116,"endTime":623.58,"body":"Los Angeles. Again, you recognize him from his many"},{"startTime":623.62,"endTime":627.22,"body":"cable and television appearances. Also in our old Sacramento"},{"startTime":627.26,"endTime":629.508,"body":"room, a gentleman that was out here recently, one"},{"startTime":629.524,"endTime":631.148,"body":"of the top comics in the country. If you"},{"startTime":631.164,"endTime":632.468,"body":"saw me, you can probably tell your friends what"},{"startTime":632.484,"endTime":634.036,"body":"a great act he is. He's from New York"},{"startTime":634.068,"endTime":637.252,"body":"originally. Mark Schiff will be downtown all next week,"},{"startTime":637.276,"endTime":639.308,"body":"Tuesday through Sunday. Settle down, settle down. I knew"},{"startTime":639.324,"endTime":640.28,"body":"you'd be excited."},{"startTime":640.62,"endTime":642.34,"body":"We hope that you're having a good time."},{"startTime":642.38,"endTime":644.252,"body":"A couple quick announcements at the end of the"},{"startTime":644.276,"endTime":646.124,"body":"show. These back drives right over here. Those are"},{"startTime":646.132,"endTime":648.012,"body":"the fire exits. We do keep those locked and"},{"startTime":648.036,"endTime":650.844,"body":"chained. Don't bother going that way. Throw the exits"},{"startTime":650.892,"endTime":653.092,"body":"back through those double doors over your left shoulder."},{"startTime":653.196,"endTime":654.756,"body":"Once you get out there, you can move down"},{"startTime":654.788,"endTime":656.396,"body":"the hall to the right. That's where the restrooms"},{"startTime":656.428,"endTime":657.98,"body":"are. And if you like to hang out after,"},{"startTime":658.02,"endTime":659.868,"body":"the magic Caf bar will be open after the"},{"startTime":659.884,"endTime":662.548,"body":"show. Sixties music and videos. The comics will be"},{"startTime":662.564,"endTime":664.436,"body":"out there after the show. And to keep things"},{"startTime":664.468,"endTime":666.612,"body":"kind of festive, we have discount drinks after the"},{"startTime":666.636,"endTime":668.724,"body":"show. Dollar well drinks, dollar wine and dollar draft"},{"startTime":668.732,"endTime":671.45,"body":"beershe for half an hour or 30 minutes, your"},{"startTime":671.49,"endTime":674.858,"body":"choice. And for those who've had a little bit"},{"startTime":674.874,"endTime":676.826,"body":"too much to drink, we have free coffee after"},{"startTime":676.858,"endTime":678.258,"body":"the show. As much as you like to make"},{"startTime":678.274,"endTime":680.346,"body":"sure you're wide awake drunks for that drive home."},{"startTime":680.378,"endTime":682.938,"body":"It's very special. Remember our model, drink up as"},{"startTime":682.954,"endTime":684.61,"body":"much as you can and drive home real fast."},{"startTime":684.69,"endTime":687.826,"body":"And of course I'm at the coffee there. So"},{"startTime":687.858,"endTime":690.41,"body":"free coffee after the show, discount drinks, the comics"},{"startTime":690.45,"endTime":691.898,"body":"and the magic camp bar. We hope to see"},{"startTime":691.914,"endTime":693.322,"body":"you there. Right now we're going to bring up"},{"startTime":693.346,"endTime":695.362,"body":"our headline because you guys want more comedy, right?"},{"startTime":695.466,"endTime":696.19,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":696.61,"endTime":698.578,"body":"All right, everybody with this table right here, we're"},{"startTime":698.594,"endTime":701.396,"body":"all staring. Okay, there we go. Ladies and gentlemen,"},{"startTime":701.428,"endTime":703.58,"body":"coming to the stage, a very special headliner tonight."},{"startTime":703.66,"endTime":706.156,"body":"A very, very funny guy comes to us from"},{"startTime":706.228,"endTime":708.748,"body":"Montana. Very exciting to have him here. How about"},{"startTime":708.764,"endTime":710.796,"body":"a big round of applause? Rich hall right here."},{"startTime":710.828,"endTime":711.96,"body":"Rich hall."},{"startTime":716.18,"endTime":720.26,"body":"Scott Edwards, ladies and gentlemen. Scott Edwards, your affable"},{"startTime":720.34,"endTime":724.236,"body":"host. Scott Edwards. You don't seem to excite. Come"},{"startTime":724.268,"endTime":728.188,"body":"on, how about another hand for Scott? Worked so"},{"startTime":728.244,"endTime":732.344,"body":"hard to build this club right here in this"},{"startTime":732.392,"endTime":735.776,"body":"strip mall and it wasn't for him this place"},{"startTime":735.808,"endTime":737.688,"body":"would be a yogurt parlor. So right there is"},{"startTime":737.704,"endTime":740.248,"body":"a good reason for a taekwondo school or some"},{"startTime":740.304,"endTime":745.136,"body":"bullshit thing. So I think you need some more"},{"startTime":745.168,"endTime":746.96,"body":"strip malls in this town. I don't think there's"},{"startTime":747.04,"endTime":750.104,"body":"enough. I definitely think you need some more Denny's."},{"startTime":750.152,"endTime":752.96,"body":"You know there's not enough of those. One every"},{"startTime":753.0,"endTime":754.38,"body":"9ft isn't enough."},{"startTime":755.84,"endTime":758.3,"body":"There's more Denny's here than stop sites."},{"startTime":758.97,"endTime":761.338,"body":"Unit of measurement. How do you collapse and limit"},{"startTime":761.354,"endTime":764.418,"body":"it? All right, you don't want the easy way"},{"startTime":764.434,"endTime":767.362,"body":"to get there. Why do people say that? Want"},{"startTime":767.386,"endTime":769.354,"body":"the easy way to get there? No, I want"},{"startTime":769.362,"endTime":771.59,"body":"to be tortured on the highway for 18 hours."},{"startTime":772.01,"endTime":774.43,"body":"I can go through as much construction as possible."},{"startTime":775.65,"endTime":776.738,"body":"You come down here and you come to a"},{"startTime":776.754,"endTime":780.618,"body":"Denny's and go about another 3ft and you'll come"},{"startTime":780.634,"endTime":787.682,"body":"to a Denny's. Go 17 more Denny's, six taco"},{"startTime":787.706,"endTime":795.626,"body":"bells, eight palo locals and 14,000 car dealerships. God,"},{"startTime":795.658,"endTime":798.882,"body":"there's a lot of car dealerships here. Sacramento is."},{"startTime":798.946,"endTime":801.098,"body":"I've been asking people why they live here and"},{"startTime":801.114,"endTime":803.354,"body":"they say, well, you know, it's 2 hours to"},{"startTime":803.522,"endTime":804.43,"body":"reno."},{"startTime":806.53,"endTime":807.09,"body":"That'S 2."},{"startTime":807.13,"endTime":811.11,"body":"Hours in san francisco, 2 hours to talk home,"},{"startTime":811.62,"endTime":817.172,"body":"2 hours. Some guy, some torture artist found the"},{"startTime":817.196,"endTime":819.72,"body":"exact spot. That was 2 hours for anything fun."},{"startTime":822.7,"endTime":824.16,"body":"Let's put it down here."},{"startTime":824.94,"endTime":826.24,"body":"People will come."},{"startTime":826.58,"endTime":833.188,"body":"We'll call it sacramento. Sacramento? Sacramento. I think it's"},{"startTime":833.204,"endTime":839.572,"body":"a latin word for sacred car dealership. Worship cars."},{"startTime":839.596,"endTime":847.206,"body":"They're all for dealership. So yeah, about every 9ft"},{"startTime":847.238,"endTime":850.606,"body":"denny's is. This guy's a genius apparently because he"},{"startTime":850.638,"endTime":854.038,"body":"knew that people get hungry at three in the"},{"startTime":854.054,"endTime":856.382,"body":"morning, you know, desperate for food because why else"},{"startTime":856.406,"endTime":858.542,"body":"would they go to denny's? You gotta be, everybody's"},{"startTime":858.566,"endTime":860.558,"body":"walking around thinking, geez, just three more hours and"},{"startTime":860.574,"endTime":863.102,"body":"I get to eat at Denny's. You should call"},{"startTime":863.126,"endTime":868.258,"body":"for reservations. Yeah. Near the kitchen. Yeah, we want"},{"startTime":868.274,"endTime":869.946,"body":"a good view of the chef this time. Yeah,"},{"startTime":869.978,"endTime":872.17,"body":"we're pretty sure it's Johnny paycheck's twin brother back"},{"startTime":872.21,"endTime":874.602,"body":"there. Yeah. What is he working on this time?"},{"startTime":874.626,"endTime":878.058,"body":"A big Quaalude omelet? What the hell are they"},{"startTime":878.074,"endTime":879.826,"body":"doing? There's only some guy back there, you know,"},{"startTime":879.858,"endTime":882.15,"body":"just straight out of prison working on their way."},{"startTime":884.17,"endTime":895.244,"body":"Doesn't even notice it. You walk around three in"},{"startTime":895.252,"endTime":897.284,"body":"the morning, you know, especially if you're like me,"},{"startTime":897.332,"endTime":898.812,"body":"you know, you're just sort of like desperate for"},{"startTime":898.836,"endTime":899.02,"body":"food."},{"startTime":899.06,"endTime":899.64,"body":"Cook."},{"startTime":904.7,"endTime":907.228,"body":"Nice. Man, you kill one bad restaurant. Joe, can"},{"startTime":907.244,"endTime":909.644,"body":"I have a. They need police. They got their"},{"startTime":909.652,"endTime":913.852,"body":"own police force now. All right, so unlimited ranking"},{"startTime":913.876,"endTime":916.268,"body":"on you, okay, nail him. Get him on a"},{"startTime":916.284,"endTime":922.79,"body":"579. Making fun of the waitressauruses. So yeah, you"},{"startTime":922.79,"endTime":924.014,"body":"know how you'd be walking around like three in"},{"startTime":924.022,"endTime":926.094,"body":"the morning? This is what Denny knew, and the"},{"startTime":926.102,"endTime":927.574,"body":"guy won't even give out his last name. This"},{"startTime":927.582,"endTime":929.118,"body":"is how much the food sucks, right? That he"},{"startTime":929.134,"endTime":931.518,"body":"doesn't want to call. Boy, your food really sucks."},{"startTime":931.654,"endTime":938.902,"body":"Leave me alone. I'm Denny. So always open. That's"},{"startTime":938.926,"endTime":940.694,"body":"what that science is. It's more of a threat"},{"startTime":940.742,"endTime":944.182,"body":"than a promise, actually, isn't it? You know, how"},{"startTime":944.206,"endTime":947.052,"body":"do you end up. You're driving along, God, there's"},{"startTime":947.076,"endTime":948.172,"body":"got to be a place open. It's like you"},{"startTime":948.196,"endTime":950.308,"body":"press the accelerator and it's like Denny's pulls up"},{"startTime":950.324,"endTime":953.348,"body":"beside you. Or it's sucked into this big toe"},{"startTime":953.364,"endTime":956.564,"body":"mean magnet, you know? Just watch it. Three in"},{"startTime":956.572,"endTime":958.764,"body":"the morning. It's a good study in cultural anthropology,"},{"startTime":958.852,"endTime":960.932,"body":"isn't it? Man, there's some people walking back and"},{"startTime":960.956,"endTime":963.452,"body":"forth through the aisles there. Just these human trolls"},{"startTime":963.476,"endTime":967.268,"body":"and troglodytes and mutants. There's some kind of chromosome"},{"startTime":967.324,"endTime":970.86,"body":"flea market going on in there. People are always"},{"startTime":970.94,"endTime":973.372,"body":"screaming. There's always that one lunatic guy talking to"},{"startTime":973.396,"endTime":975.688,"body":"himself or some imaginary character. Don't tell me I"},{"startTime":975.704,"endTime":976.792,"body":"wasn't in the army. I was in the army."},{"startTime":976.816,"endTime":978.904,"body":"I turned a green out of nowhere. No, I"},{"startTime":978.912,"endTime":980.152,"body":"know what I'm going. Where are you going? Hey,"},{"startTime":980.176,"endTime":980.472,"body":"wait a minute."},{"startTime":980.496,"endTime":981.184,"body":"Come back here."},{"startTime":981.272,"endTime":982.688,"body":"You know, you think, boy, how fucked up can"},{"startTime":982.704,"endTime":984.512,"body":"you be when you invent an imaginary character and"},{"startTime":984.536,"endTime":989.304,"body":"they walk away from him? Always having those guys,"},{"startTime":989.352,"endTime":991.408,"body":"the religious guys running around with the Bible. I"},{"startTime":991.424,"endTime":993.808,"body":"saw Satan in the waffle syrup. Satan's in the"},{"startTime":993.824,"endTime":995.848,"body":"waffle syrup. I saw him. He's right there. Satan's"},{"startTime":995.864,"endTime":996.216,"body":"in the."},{"startTime":996.288,"endTime":997.776,"body":"God is in the moocal dispenser."},{"startTime":997.808,"endTime":999.856,"body":"But Satan's in the waffle syrup God. The mu"},{"startTime":999.888,"endTime":1003.53,"body":"cal worship the moocal dispenser. And that's the manager,"},{"startTime":1003.61,"endTime":1008.658,"body":"you know? So, geez, Waitrosaurus coming at you with"},{"startTime":1008.674,"endTime":1018.51,"body":"a menu there. You just look at her hair."},{"startTime":1019.21,"endTime":1029.744,"body":"Onion soup. Today they bring you the menu. Doesn't"},{"startTime":1029.752,"endTime":1031.416,"body":"it seem like the shittier the restaurant, the more"},{"startTime":1031.448,"endTime":1034.752,"body":"pictures of food are on the menu? Phoenix is"},{"startTime":1034.776,"endTime":1038.072,"body":"like the time. Like books of shitty foods have"},{"startTime":1038.096,"endTime":1039.976,"body":"a picture of french fries on the menu there."},{"startTime":1040.008,"endTime":1041.96,"body":"Like there might be somebody left on the planet"},{"startTime":1042.0,"endTime":1043.608,"body":"who doesn't know what a plate of french fries"},{"startTime":1043.664,"endTime":1046.568,"body":"looks like. Mutt men from Borneo are coming in"},{"startTime":1046.584,"endTime":1048.304,"body":"or something going, look, there's the french fries I"},{"startTime":1048.312,"endTime":1052.008,"body":"was telling you about, waiting for the mud to"},{"startTime":1052.024,"endTime":1053.408,"body":"dry. I always talk about french fries. That's what"},{"startTime":1053.424,"endTime":1056.152,"body":"they look like right there. That's good song."},{"startTime":1056.336,"endTime":1057.26,"body":"That's nice."},{"startTime":1059.32,"endTime":1062.384,"body":"Grilled to perfection. They actually describe the food on"},{"startTime":1062.392,"endTime":1064.704,"body":"the menu. Like, you're really gonna get a quarter"},{"startTime":1064.752,"endTime":1068.848,"body":"pound hamburger grilled to perfection. That's a big operative"},{"startTime":1068.904,"endTime":1070.704,"body":"word. It didn't say perfection. Like there might be"},{"startTime":1070.712,"endTime":1072.432,"body":"guys with lab coats back there working on your"},{"startTime":1072.456,"endTime":1076.688,"body":"orders. Former NASA engineers back there looking schematic for"},{"startTime":1076.784,"endTime":1078.84,"body":"a cheeseburger. Up on the wall there, you know,"},{"startTime":1078.92,"endTime":1080.728,"body":"you have a picture of you, always very important"},{"startTime":1080.784,"endTime":1083.208,"body":"grandstand customer. Let's get this one. The guy with"},{"startTime":1083.224,"endTime":1085.432,"body":"a jeweler's eye carving out principle cut french fly"},{"startTime":1085.456,"endTime":1090.356,"body":"flying. Very important grand slam customer. Let's get another"},{"startTime":1090.388,"endTime":1095.044,"body":"one. Perfect, man. You don't care. At three in"},{"startTime":1095.052,"endTime":1098.508,"body":"the morning. Last good meal you had was a"},{"startTime":1098.524,"endTime":1101.996,"body":"bean and Cheerio casserole eaten out of a frisbee"},{"startTime":1102.028,"endTime":1104.62,"body":"over the sink. At three in the morning, a"},{"startTime":1104.66,"endTime":1106.372,"body":"shoehorn for a spoon. You know, what do you"},{"startTime":1106.396,"endTime":1111.612,"body":"care? Goddamn food out. Everybody's eating their dinnies at"},{"startTime":1111.636,"endTime":1117.458,"body":"some point. Rem ordering breakfast at Denny's. That's right."},{"startTime":1117.514,"endTime":1118.786,"body":"You think they'd be hiper then to be called"},{"startTime":1118.818,"endTime":1120.002,"body":"at Denny's three in the morning."},{"startTime":1120.066,"endTime":1121.506,"body":"But there they were."},{"startTime":1121.578,"endTime":1124.738,"body":"And Rem very hungry. When they ordered, it looked"},{"startTime":1124.754,"endTime":1126.602,"body":"something like this. This was Rem ordering breakfast at"},{"startTime":1126.626,"endTime":1130.418,"body":"Denny's. That's great. I'll start with a milkshake, scrambled"},{"startTime":1130.474,"endTime":1134.578,"body":"eggs and fries. Burgers. And some marmalade. I have"},{"startTime":1134.594,"endTime":1136.442,"body":"a rib steak, wild rice, baked potato, tossed salad,"},{"startTime":1136.466,"endTime":1138.082,"body":"blue cheese, hold the olive oil, tomato, pickle, beets"},{"startTime":1138.106,"endTime":1140.09,"body":"mix, meat, bagels and lox, please. They want tartar."},{"startTime":1140.13,"endTime":1141.31,"body":"Where? The elder salad bar."},{"startTime":1152.83,"endTime":1156.054,"body":"That was rich hall, live on stage back in"},{"startTime":1156.062,"endTime":1158.11,"body":"the day in my comedy club. It was so"},{"startTime":1158.15,"endTime":1160.334,"body":"great to have him. He went on to some"},{"startTime":1160.382,"endTime":1163.718,"body":"fame and fortune with Saturday Night Live and the"},{"startTime":1163.734,"endTime":1167.166,"body":"David Letterman show. And he's a huge success over"},{"startTime":1167.198,"endTime":1171.198,"body":"in England, which is really interesting. But anyway. And"},{"startTime":1171.214,"endTime":1173.982,"body":"we also had Brian Catalina on the show. And"},{"startTime":1174.006,"endTime":1176.662,"body":"you heard me as the emcee back in my"},{"startTime":1176.686,"endTime":1179.902,"body":"early days as a club owner slash MC. So"},{"startTime":1179.926,"endTime":1181.806,"body":"anyway, a little bit of stand up comedy for"},{"startTime":1181.838,"endTime":1184.758,"body":"you. I hope you enjoyed hearing rich hall live"},{"startTime":1184.814,"endTime":1187.902,"body":"on stage before his fame and fortune. And we'll"},{"startTime":1187.926,"endTime":1191.718,"body":"be back next week with a terrific interview from"},{"startTime":1191.734,"endTime":1194.886,"body":"the stand up comedy industry. So thanks for listening"},{"startTime":1194.998,"endTime":1198.09,"body":"and we'll see you soon. Bye."},{"startTime":1199.79,"endTime":1202.03,"body":"We hope you enjoyed this episode of stand up"},{"startTime":1202.07,"endTime":1205.132,"body":"comedy. Your host in McDezd. For information on the"},{"startTime":1205.156,"endTime":1208.612,"body":"show, merchandise and our sponsors, or to send comments"},{"startTime":1208.676,"endTime":1215.532,"body":"to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhostandmc.com. look for"},{"startTime":1215.556,"endTime":1218.22,"body":"more episodes soon and enjoy the world of stand"},{"startTime":1218.26,"endTime":1220.82,"body":"up comedy. Visit a comedy showroom near."}]}