{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":4.44,"endTime":6.174,"body":"This is another episode of stand up"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":6.214,"endTime":9.566,"body":"comedy. Your host and MC celebrating 40"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":9.63,"endTime":11.398,"body":"plus years on the fringe of show"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":11.446,"endTime":14.726,"body":"business. Stories, interviews and comedy sets from"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":14.75,"endTime":18.326,"body":"the famous and not so famous. Here's"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":18.35,"endTime":21.114,"body":"your host and MC, Scott Edwards."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":22.014,"endTime":24.646,"body":"Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":24.71,"endTime":26.51,"body":"We have some great stand up comedy"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":26.542,"endTime":29.044,"body":"for you today. A really terrific friend"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":29.084,"endTime":30.956,"body":"of mine, he's one of the few"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":31.02,"endTime":33.06,"body":"native american stand up comics in the"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":33.092,"endTime":35.228,"body":"country. You've heard him many times on"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":35.236,"endTime":37.732,"body":"the podcast. He's done a few interviews,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":37.828,"endTime":39.38,"body":"and I've used his comedy a lot"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":39.412,"endTime":41.636,"body":"because he's very, very funny. He started"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":41.7,"endTime":43.684,"body":"working for me in the nineties. He"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":43.724,"endTime":46.772,"body":"actually was a DMV employee and decided"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":46.828,"endTime":49.06,"body":"to get into stand up comedy. But"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":49.092,"endTime":50.732,"body":"luckily for him, it was a great"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":50.788,"endTime":52.956,"body":"career change and he's been making a"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":52.98,"endTime":55.28,"body":"good living as a professional stand up"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":55.312,"endTime":58.384,"body":"comic ever since the early nineties. It's"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":58.424,"endTime":59.92,"body":"great to have him back on the"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":59.952,"endTime":63.296,"body":"show. This is Mark Yaffe. Now, again,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":63.36,"endTime":66.364,"body":"Mark Yaffe has performed on cruise ships,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":66.824,"endTime":71.104,"body":"nightclubs, some television. Very funny guy on"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":71.144,"endTime":73.08,"body":"this. He's going to be talking about"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":73.272,"endTime":75.256,"body":"a little bit about being native american,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":75.36,"endTime":77.472,"body":"but a lot about his parents and"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":77.528,"endTime":79.752,"body":"some of the challenges of life. I"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":79.768,"endTime":81.264,"body":"know you'll enjoy it, so let's sit"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":81.304,"endTime":83.794,"body":"back and enjoy some standup comedy by"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":83.834,"endTime":86.774,"body":"my good friend Mark Yaffe."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":91.034,"endTime":92.69,"body":"But my mom actually had an easy"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":92.722,"endTime":102.802,"body":"delivery cause I'm adopted. My friend's like,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":102.818,"endTime":104.346,"body":"were you delivered by c section a,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":104.37,"endTime":114.794,"body":"no court order? Navajo. Adopted by a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":114.834,"endTime":118.176,"body":"mexican mother and a jewish father. I'm"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":118.2,"endTime":130.896,"body":"a bargain hunter gatherer. Illegal, too. I'm"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":130.92,"endTime":132.64,"body":"illegal too. Prover. Because you no longer"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":132.672,"endTime":134.28,"body":"adopt an indian child from their tribe."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":134.312,"endTime":136.064,"body":"That is called the Indian Child Welfare"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":136.104,"endTime":137.552,"body":"act. And they pass that law to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":137.568,"endTime":147.99,"body":"protect our people from Angelina Jolie. Excited,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":148.062,"endTime":149.374,"body":"right? I got on one of these"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":149.534,"endTime":152.27,"body":"ancestry websites. I started researching my, my"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":152.302,"endTime":154.15,"body":"family roots. I found out my navajo"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":154.182,"endTime":155.958,"body":"grandfather had been a medicine man. I"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":155.966,"endTime":158.014,"body":"was all excited, like, oh, this is"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":158.054,"endTime":160.662,"body":"amazing. Grandpa was a medicine man. Turns"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":160.678,"endTime":162.514,"body":"out he was a pharmacist at CV's."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":169.494,"endTime":170.998,"body":"People find out you're native, they got"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":171.046,"endTime":172.806,"body":"all sorts of questions. I got this"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":172.83,"endTime":174.408,"body":"here. Oh, mark, your name? Native American."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":174.536,"endTime":176.904,"body":"I bet your children have beautiful, traditional"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":176.944,"endTime":179.472,"body":"tribal names. I'm like, uh, yeah, a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":179.488,"endTime":181.364,"body":"little big mouth and ground until Christmas."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":187.864,"endTime":189.912,"body":"Oh, you're native american. Can you share"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":189.968,"endTime":191.752,"body":"some of your ancient tribal wisdom? I'm"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":191.768,"endTime":193.016,"body":"not even from the reservation. I just"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":193.04,"endTime":196.2,"body":"make stuff up, like, sure. Ancient tribal"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":196.232,"endTime":199.36,"body":"wisdom. Ancient tribal wisdom. I've been through"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":199.392,"endTime":201.224,"body":"the desert on a horse with no"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":201.264,"endTime":207.382,"body":"name felt good to get out of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":207.398,"endTime":208.154,"body":"the rain."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":210.974,"endTime":211.662,"body":"Don'T stop."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":211.718,"endTime":217.326,"body":"Believing hold on to that feeling. The"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":217.35,"endTime":219.006,"body":"doo doo doo, the da da da."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":219.11,"endTime":220.286,"body":"That's all I have to say to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":220.31,"endTime":229.83,"body":"you. So I was working in Las"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":229.862,"endTime":230.99,"body":"Vegas. Guy came up to me after"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":231.022,"endTime":232.982,"body":"show. He was dead serious. Is it"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":232.998,"endTime":235.544,"body":"true, you natives, in your travels, you're"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":235.664,"endTime":238.832,"body":"guided by outer voices? Like, yes, sir."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":238.888,"endTime":244.472,"body":"It's called a Google navigation system. You"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":244.488,"endTime":245.872,"body":"know, you can change the voices on"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":245.888,"endTime":247.096,"body":"your gps. I do it. I get"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":247.12,"endTime":248.096,"body":"bored on the road. I do that"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":248.12,"endTime":249.144,"body":"all the time. Put on the british"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":249.184,"endTime":251.12,"body":"guy the other day. He's all formal,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":251.152,"endTime":255.232,"body":"right? He's now entering the motuway. Put"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":255.248,"endTime":256.248,"body":"on the french guy. He was a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":256.256,"endTime":257.432,"body":"little sippy. He goes, you want to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":257.448,"endTime":258.672,"body":"go to Waco, Texas? Why do you"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":258.688,"endTime":263.966,"body":"want to go to Waco, Texas? They"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":264.03,"endTime":266.854,"body":"added a nigerian man to the GPS"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":266.934,"endTime":268.83,"body":"voices. This nigerian guy tripped me out."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":268.862,"endTime":270.566,"body":"He goes, you will go 3.1 mile."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":270.67,"endTime":271.806,"body":"You will make a right turn into"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":271.83,"endTime":272.918,"body":"your bank parking lot."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":273.006,"endTime":275.366,"body":"You will withdraw $7,500 and mail it"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":275.39,"endTime":290.206,"body":"to my uncle in Lagos, Nigeria. Get"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":290.23,"endTime":291.574,"body":"to do a lot of tribal events."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":291.614,"endTime":293.944,"body":"I actually went to Cherokee, North Carolina."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":294.054,"endTime":295.484,"body":"I didn't know about Cherokee, North Carolina,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":295.524,"endTime":297.076,"body":"home of the eastern band of Cherokee"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":297.1,"endTime":299.212,"body":"Indians. And they dressed indian, and they"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":299.228,"endTime":300.636,"body":"walked in and they started talking. They"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":300.66,"endTime":302.356,"body":"did not sound indian at all, like,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":302.46,"endTime":304.252,"body":"how y'all doing, mister Mark, welcome to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":304.268,"endTime":306.66,"body":"the great Cherokee Nation, cherokee, North Carolina."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":306.692,"endTime":308.012,"body":"I'm like, man, these are some redneck"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":308.028,"endTime":314.516,"body":"redskins out here. They're like, we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":314.54,"endTime":316.012,"body":"take you to the powwow. We're gonna"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":316.028,"endTime":317.452,"body":"head over to the tribal supper. We're"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":317.468,"endTime":319.276,"body":"gonna have some succotash, sweet corn, sweet"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":319.3,"endTime":321.734,"body":"potato, sweet tea. You've been to north"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":321.774,"endTime":323.142,"body":"carolina? I had so much sweet tea"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":323.158,"endTime":324.382,"body":"in three days, I almost lost a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":324.398,"endTime":329.662,"body":"foot. I think the state motto in"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":329.678,"endTime":331.19,"body":"North Carolina, come for the sweet tea,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":331.222,"endTime":338.342,"body":"stay for the insulin. Then we went"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":338.358,"endTime":340.462,"body":"to New York City. Tons of Indians"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":340.478,"endTime":342.054,"body":"in New York City, tons of Indians."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":342.134,"endTime":343.674,"body":"Yeah, there's the other Indians."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":344.614,"endTime":353.86,"body":"Microchip, not buffalo chip. Tech support, not"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":353.892,"endTime":364.064,"body":"child support. Code writers, not code talkers."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":370.084,"endTime":372.092,"body":"People always very curious. They find out"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":372.188,"endTime":373.868,"body":"I'm native, they go, oh, Mark, do"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":373.876,"endTime":375.812,"body":"you celebrate thanksgiving? Like, sure, I eat"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":375.828,"endTime":378.04,"body":"the turkey and watch the football. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":378.212,"endTime":379.848,"body":"my buddy's a cowboys fan. He was"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":379.856,"endTime":380.872,"body":"giving me a bunch of grief. He"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":380.888,"endTime":383.232,"body":"goes, hey, Mark, the cowboys beat the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":383.248,"endTime":385.288,"body":"Redskins again on thanksgiving. I'm like, uh,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":385.336,"endTime":387.364,"body":"not at the indian casino, they didn't."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":393.064,"endTime":394.976,"body":"That redskin honors a knucklehead. He vows"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":395.0,"endTime":396.344,"body":"he will never change the name of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":396.344,"endTime":396.76,"body":"the Redskins."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":396.792,"endTime":398.248,"body":"He says he wants to honor Native"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":398.296,"endTime":399.848,"body":"Americans. I'm like, really, sir? You want"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":399.856,"endTime":401.944,"body":"to honor Native Americans? Have a winning"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":401.984,"endTime":411.95,"body":"season. Will you please? I love it."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":411.982,"endTime":413.606,"body":"Honor Native Americans. Well, no one has"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":413.63,"endTime":415.422,"body":"to be honored. I don't remember any"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":415.438,"endTime":416.702,"body":"of our great warrior chiefs in the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":416.718,"endTime":418.75,"body":"18 hundreds. We will only sign this"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":418.782,"endTime":420.526,"body":"treaty if you agree to honor our"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":420.55,"endTime":423.878,"body":"warriors by naming five mediocre sports franchises"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":423.926,"endTime":430.126,"body":"after them. We're the only warriors they"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":430.15,"endTime":431.798,"body":"honor. They don't honor any other enemy"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":431.846,"endTime":433.79,"body":"warriors. Right. You'll see the Chiefs against"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":433.822,"endTime":435.214,"body":"the Redskins. You won't see the Boston"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":435.254,"endTime":441.966,"body":"blitzkrieg against the Cleveland Kamikazes. You want"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":441.99,"endTime":443.702,"body":"to honor people who have dealt with"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":443.758,"endTime":446.366,"body":"unrelenting adversity and overwhelming odds? How about"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":446.39,"endTime":448.63,"body":"the Denver driving instructors versus the Minnesota"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":448.662,"endTime":458.486,"body":"math teachers? I got honored in Alaska."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":458.51,"endTime":460.694,"body":"I was up there in Alaska. Honorary"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":460.734,"endTime":462.714,"body":"name up there. A shivers like, baby"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":464.854,"endTime":466.638,"body":"went up there twice. Last time I"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":466.646,"endTime":468.23,"body":"got to go to Fairbanks, Alaska. We"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":468.262,"endTime":470.886,"body":"performed for the world Eskimo Indian Olympics."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":470.99,"endTime":472.318,"body":"I call my buddy Gilbert down the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":472.326,"endTime":473.638,"body":"hill. I say, hey, Gilbert, you want"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":473.646,"endTime":474.534,"body":"to come open for me? We're going"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":474.534,"endTime":475.846,"body":"to do a show in Fairbanks, Alaska."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":475.87,"endTime":478.606,"body":"He goes, sure. Are we flying or"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":478.63,"endTime":481.782,"body":"driving? You know what, Magellan? I think"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":481.798,"endTime":486.598,"body":"we'll kayak this one. You looked at"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":486.606,"endTime":488.19,"body":"a map there. La to Fairbanks. That's"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":488.222,"endTime":490.094,"body":"two countries, two time zones, and three"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":490.134,"endTime":497.43,"body":"oil changes. We get up there to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":497.462,"endTime":498.766,"body":"Alaska, it was crazy."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":498.79,"endTime":501.11,"body":"It's the first week of summer, bright"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":501.142,"endTime":502.726,"body":"as day at 130 in the morning,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":502.75,"endTime":504.254,"body":"it's the land of the midnight sun."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":504.374,"endTime":505.534,"body":"I didn't know about this. I thought"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":505.574,"endTime":507.086,"body":"back to the beginning of summer when"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":507.11,"endTime":508.262,"body":"we were kids. Remember our parents would"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":508.278,"endTime":510.07,"body":"tell us, go outside and play, just"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":510.102,"endTime":512.614,"body":"be home when it gets dark. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":512.654,"endTime":513.958,"body":"You tell your kids out in Alaska"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":514.006,"endTime":521.1,"body":"they won't be home till October. Trying"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":521.132,"endTime":522.396,"body":"to take better care of myself. Getting"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":522.42,"endTime":523.468,"body":"a little older, getting hit in the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":523.476,"endTime":526.412,"body":"middle age. Anyone else just turned 40,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":526.548,"endTime":528.172,"body":"like 14 years ago."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":528.228,"endTime":535.396,"body":"Anyone? You start to have some physiological"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":535.46,"endTime":536.508,"body":"changes. Like, you know, when I used"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":536.516,"endTime":537.252,"body":"to go to the bathroom, I'd have"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":537.268,"endTime":540.796,"body":"that laser stream. Now I'm like a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":540.82,"endTime":542.732,"body":"rain bird sprinkler trying to irrigate an"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":542.748,"endTime":555.952,"body":"acre of corn. Ooh, sad. I used"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":555.968,"endTime":558.096,"body":"to eat whatever I wanted to. Now"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":558.12,"endTime":559.64,"body":"I look at spicy food. I get"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":559.672,"endTime":562.64,"body":"gassy. I didn't care. When I was"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":562.672,"endTime":564.232,"body":"2025, I would eat whatever I would"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":564.248,"endTime":565.64,"body":"hold in a fart for weeks, like"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":565.672,"endTime":569.528,"body":"Fort Knox. Now I'm ripping them like"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":569.576,"endTime":572.596,"body":"Looney tunes. I went to shake this"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":572.62,"endTime":573.588,"body":"guy's hand the other day. All I"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":573.596,"endTime":583.892,"body":"was like, fist bump. I'm pretty sure"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":583.908,"endTime":585.292,"body":"I'm the third leading cause of global"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":585.348,"endTime":593.116,"body":"warming. Used to work out to stay"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":593.14,"endTime":593.524,"body":"in shape."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":593.564,"endTime":594.572,"body":"Now I gotta work out just to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":594.588,"endTime":599.936,"body":"stay alive, get your physical get checked"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":599.96,"endTime":601.144,"body":"out? I went to my annual physical."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":601.184,"endTime":602.456,"body":"I was complaining to my doctor, my"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":602.48,"endTime":603.928,"body":"doc. Look at me. I used to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":603.936,"endTime":605.872,"body":"have a six pack. No, it's just"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":605.888,"endTime":609.032,"body":"a sat sack, said mark, you need"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":609.048,"endTime":610.244,"body":"to do more crunches."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":610.664,"endTime":612.448,"body":"Now I'm doing nestle's crunch and captain"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":612.496,"endTime":620.696,"body":"crunch. Try to get to the gym."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":620.84,"endTime":622.624,"body":"I like the gym. They have some"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":622.664,"endTime":624.272,"body":"awkward things in my gym, like when"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":624.288,"endTime":625.392,"body":"you work out on the bikes and"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":625.408,"endTime":627.024,"body":"the cardio and they put a bank"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":627.064,"endTime":629.904,"body":"of televisions in front of the cardio"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":629.944,"endTime":631.48,"body":"machine so you can watch tv news"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":631.512,"endTime":633.576,"body":"and sports while you're working out. What"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":633.6,"endTime":635.2,"body":"they do, though, they turn down the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":635.232,"endTime":636.624,"body":"volume on the Tv they put on."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":636.664,"endTime":639.928,"body":"Closed captioning anyone here ever paid close"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":639.976,"endTime":642.528,"body":"attention to closed captioning? I don't know"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":642.536,"endTime":644.288,"body":"what. Three fingered english is a fourth"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":644.336,"endTime":646.456,"body":"language ged reject they hired to do"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":646.48,"endTime":650.226,"body":"that job. I'm. I'm at the gym"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":650.25,"endTime":650.602,"body":"the other day."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":650.618,"endTime":651.97,"body":"I'm trying to watch the news. The"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":652.002,"endTime":654.178,"body":"CMM is retorting that President don Juan"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":654.226,"endTime":656.674,"body":"trumpet would be marinating with rushing ladder."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":656.714,"endTime":658.97,"body":"Bad mere pudding over the situation in"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":659.002,"endTime":670.762,"body":"cereal and whooping crane. I promise I"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":670.778,"endTime":672.186,"body":"will not get political on you, but"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":672.21,"endTime":673.162,"body":"I do think we're going to get"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":673.178,"endTime":674.826,"body":"a native american president someday. We had"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":674.85,"endTime":677.056,"body":"two natives, women, just elected to Congress."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":677.16,"endTime":678.032,"body":"If we get an Indian in the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":678.048,"endTime":681.044,"body":"White House, that'd be crazy, right? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":682.344,"endTime":683.8,"body":"You get an Indian in the White"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":683.832,"endTime":685.072,"body":"House, the White House would become the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":685.088,"endTime":689.04,"body":"longhouse, the rose garden become the corn"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":689.072,"endTime":692.136,"body":"garden. Columbus Day, everyone has to work"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":692.16,"endTime":702.392,"body":"a double. Be honest. Come on. Saying"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":702.448,"endTime":704.536,"body":"Columbus discovered America is like saying the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":704.56,"endTime":711.008,"body":"Titanic discovered icebergs. He sails the wrong"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":711.056,"endTime":713.248,"body":"way, he discovered America. My cousin drove"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":713.296,"endTime":722.736,"body":"the wrong way. He discovered jail. But"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":722.8,"endTime":724.816,"body":"unfortunately, like a lot of Native Americans,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":724.84,"endTime":726.464,"body":"I did lose my land and home"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":726.544,"endTime":728.226,"body":"to the white man. In my case,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":728.25,"endTime":730.414,"body":"it was my ex wife's divorce attorney."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":731.874,"endTime":738.722,"body":"Second worst treaty ever. Yeah, I was"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":738.738,"endTime":740.122,"body":"in a mixed marriage. My ex wife"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":740.138,"endTime":741.178,"body":"and I, we had a mixed marriage."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":741.266,"endTime":745.794,"body":"She's paranoid schizophrenic. I'm obsessive compulsive. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":745.874,"endTime":747.642,"body":"She'd invite over imaginary friends. I'd make"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":747.658,"endTime":748.858,"body":"them take off their shoes before they"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":748.866,"endTime":758.316,"body":"came into my house. But I'm bummed."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":758.34,"endTime":759.996,"body":"Our marriage literally went to the dogs."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":760.02,"endTime":761.524,"body":"My ex wife became a dog hoarder."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":761.564,"endTime":764.46,"body":"We end up with 14 dogs, these"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":764.492,"endTime":766.212,"body":"little dogs called Maltese. You familiar with"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":766.228,"endTime":768.044,"body":"Maltese? Yeah, it's a french word for"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":768.084,"endTime":771.412,"body":"poops all over my carpet. What the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":771.428,"endTime":773.704,"body":"heck? Five pound dog, ten pound dookie."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":781.044,"endTime":783.004,"body":"We had two beautiful daughters, though, and"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":783.084,"endTime":784.976,"body":"they were awesome. We actually homeschooled our"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":785.0,"endTime":787.192,"body":"daughters for four years. Yeah. Let me"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":787.208,"endTime":789.352,"body":"tell you what, homeschool worked out great."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":789.408,"endTime":790.904,"body":"One of my kids, student of the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":790.944,"endTime":797.992,"body":"month. Every time I recommend homeschooled, you"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":798.008,"endTime":799.576,"body":"guys, because you can motivate your kids"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":799.6,"endTime":800.504,"body":"in homeschool. I'm like, hey, you want"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":800.504,"endTime":801.312,"body":"to be on that honor roll, you"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":801.328,"endTime":802.152,"body":"better get out there and mow that"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":802.168,"endTime":805.416,"body":"lawn. And when you're done, get over"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":805.44,"endTime":806.536,"body":"the whole Mec room. You make daddy"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":806.56,"endTime":810.64,"body":"another sandwich. I'll be in the teacher's"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":810.672,"endTime":816.568,"body":"lounge watching tv. And get that garage"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":816.616,"endTime":817.912,"body":"cleaned out for the winter formal, will"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":817.928,"endTime":824.208,"body":"ya? My daughter's in their mid twenties"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":824.256,"endTime":825.336,"body":"now. They both just got out of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":825.36,"endTime":826.744,"body":"college a year apart. I had two"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":826.784,"endTime":828.496,"body":"daughters in college at the same time"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":828.56,"endTime":829.736,"body":"for three and a half years. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":829.8,"endTime":830.8,"body":"for a while there I was old"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":830.832,"endTime":831.96,"body":"enough to be the dad and broke"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":831.992,"endTime":835.936,"body":"enough to be the roommate. It's craziness."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":836.04,"endTime":838.602,"body":"Anyone else you went south on your"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":838.618,"endTime":839.978,"body":"credit? And anyone bounce a check at"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":839.986,"endTime":844.074,"body":"the dollar store here? For a while"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":844.114,"endTime":845.506,"body":"my cholesterol level was higher than my"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":845.53,"endTime":846.374,"body":"credit score."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":849.034,"endTime":850.706,"body":"One time my credit card company calls"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":850.73,"endTime":852.306,"body":"up. Hey, mister Yaffe, we haven't received"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":852.37,"endTime":855.162,"body":"your last payment. Like, sir, trust me,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":855.218,"endTime":865.702,"body":"you've received my last payment. Yep, life"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":865.758,"endTime":867.758,"body":"marches on. My oldest daughter just got"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":867.806,"endTime":870.446,"body":"married. She married this man, an egyptian"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":870.51,"endTime":873.35,"body":"man from Saudi Arabia. I didn't see"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":873.382,"endTime":875.214,"body":"this one coming. I'm a little upset."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":875.294,"endTime":876.254,"body":"I'm happy for them, but I'm a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":876.254,"endTime":877.718,"body":"little upset because I just finally got"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":877.846,"endTime":879.038,"body":"cleared by TSA. I don't have to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":879.046,"endTime":880.514,"body":"take my shoes off at the airport"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":881.174,"endTime":882.51,"body":"now. She married this guy. I just"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":882.542,"endTime":884.31,"body":"went from preferred flyer to person of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":884.342,"endTime":887.838,"body":"interest. I show up at the airport"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":887.886,"endTime":889.45,"body":"now like, excuse me sir, is anyone"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":889.502,"endTime":891.354,"body":"suspicious? Packed your bags like your son"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":891.394,"endTime":892.094,"body":"in law."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":896.594,"endTime":898.602,"body":"Seems like a good guy, sharp, you"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":898.618,"endTime":899.954,"body":"know? So like I said, he was"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":899.994,"endTime":901.698,"body":"raised in Saudi Arabia. He's egyptian. I"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":901.706,"endTime":902.778,"body":"don't even know what he does for"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":902.786,"endTime":904.442,"body":"a living. He works on one of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":904.458,"endTime":906.178,"body":"those, what do they call, multi level"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":906.226,"endTime":908.258,"body":"marketing where you sell someone something and"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":908.266,"endTime":909.226,"body":"they try to sell to people. What's"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":909.25,"endTime":912.482,"body":"that called? Yeah, pyramid scheme. He's an"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":912.498,"endTime":922.56,"body":"Egyptian working in a pyramid scheme. Yep."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":922.592,"endTime":923.904,"body":"They're awesome though. I'm a little worried"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":923.944,"endTime":926.144,"body":"about my dad though. My dad, he's"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":926.184,"endTime":929.416,"body":"exhibiting some gang member behaviors. He just"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":929.44,"endTime":931.92,"body":"keeps driving slower and slower. His pants"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":931.952,"endTime":935.504,"body":"just keep getting lower and lower. Forget"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":935.544,"endTime":937.12,"body":"toys for tots, we need straps for"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":937.152,"endTime":945.326,"body":"paps. Still driving? He had his first"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":945.39,"endTime":948.022,"body":"accident last year after like 73 years"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":948.038,"endTime":949.526,"body":"of driving. Check this out. He had"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":949.55,"endTime":952.27,"body":"a patch of ice while driving in"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":952.302,"endTime":955.846,"body":"Palm Springs, California. He had a patch"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":955.87,"endTime":957.414,"body":"of ice while driving the Mojave desert"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":957.454,"endTime":957.79,"body":"my dad."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":957.822,"endTime":958.806,"body":"How did you manage to do that?"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":958.83,"endTime":960.158,"body":"Did you run over a jaywalker hole"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":960.166,"endTime":964.942,"body":"down an icy. To be honest, I"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":964.958,"endTime":966.294,"body":"can't believe he didn't crash sooner like"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":966.334,"endTime":967.702,"body":"every other 91 year old man. He"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":967.718,"endTime":969.67,"body":"can't see anything. Cause he has eyebrows"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":969.702,"endTime":970.95,"body":"like a woolly mammoth. Have you seen"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":970.982,"endTime":973.79,"body":"the old guys with the lobster brows"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":973.822,"endTime":977.252,"body":"going on there? He looks like he"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":977.268,"endTime":978.356,"body":"gave birth to a pair of brillo"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":978.38,"endTime":979.024,"body":"pads."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":980.364,"endTime":981.772,"body":"It's like, mom, don't kiss them. You'll"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":981.788,"endTime":985.828,"body":"put an eye out. And ear hair"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":985.876,"endTime":990.94,"body":"like chia pad. Yeah, that's why those"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":990.972,"endTime":992.276,"body":"90 year old guys don't turn their"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":992.3,"endTime":993.636,"body":"head when they change lanes. They can't"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":993.66,"endTime":1002.592,"body":"see through that shrubbery, man. 91. What"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1002.608,"endTime":1003.68,"body":"do they say? 50 is a new"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1003.712,"endTime":1005.664,"body":"40. 40 is a new 20. Well,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1005.704,"endTime":1008.36,"body":"90 is the new nine. You ever"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1008.392,"endTime":1009.352,"body":"put a 90 year old next to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1009.368,"endTime":1012.2,"body":"a nine year old? Same thing. They"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1012.232,"endTime":1013.616,"body":"eat whatever they want to, they say"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1013.64,"endTime":1015.08,"body":"whatever they want to, they wear whatever"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1015.112,"endTime":1016.032,"body":"they want to."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1016.208,"endTime":1017.376,"body":"I show up at my parents house"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1017.4,"endTime":1018.36,"body":"the other day. My dad was wearing"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1018.392,"endTime":1020.448,"body":"dress shoes, sweatpants, a sweater vest and"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1020.456,"endTime":1024.544,"body":"a dodger cap. I'm worried I'm going"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1024.544,"endTime":1025.344,"body":"to show up one day. He's going"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1025.344,"endTime":1026.788,"body":"to be wearing spider man pajamas and"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1026.796,"endTime":1033.964,"body":"a Raiders helmet. He's awesome, though. World"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1034.004,"endTime":1036.504,"body":"War Two veteran, this great guy, and,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1036.964,"endTime":1039.484,"body":"yeah, it's amazing. I think back now,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1039.564,"endTime":1041.012,"body":"since world War two, we've had the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1041.028,"endTime":1043.644,"body":"most powerful military on the planet."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1043.724,"endTime":1045.156,"body":"Most powerful military in the history of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1045.18,"endTime":1047.316,"body":"civilization. But as a people, America, we"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1047.34,"endTime":1048.892,"body":"might have the weakest immune systems of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1048.908,"endTime":1051.1,"body":"anyone on the planet. You see, we"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1051.132,"endTime":1054.342,"body":"suffer from now lactose intolerance, gluten intolerance,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1054.398,"endTime":1056.358,"body":"peanut butter allergies. Who knew nuts were"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1056.366,"endTime":1060.774,"body":"the new anthrax? Let's hope al Qaeda"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1060.814,"endTime":1061.998,"body":"or IsiS doesn't come out with a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1062.006,"endTime":1063.566,"body":"dirty bomb made out of ground cashews,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1063.59,"endTime":1064.87,"body":"powdered milk and whole wheat flour."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1064.942,"endTime":1072.606,"body":"We're in deep trouble. All right, they"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1072.63,"endTime":1073.606,"body":"might be working on that one right"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1073.63,"endTime":1076.03,"body":"now. Farouk, I have the perfect weapon"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1076.062,"endTime":1078.19,"body":"to use against the Americans. I'm listening,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1078.222,"endTime":1080.548,"body":"Aziz. Nerve gas. Is it shoe bomb?"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1080.596,"endTime":1083.612,"body":"Guided missile? No, no, my friend. Fresh"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1083.668,"endTime":1091.452,"body":"baked peanut butter cookies. It's true. You"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1091.468,"endTime":1092.852,"body":"want to terrorize the school now? You"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1092.868,"endTime":1094.012,"body":"just show up with peanut brittle, they'll"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1094.028,"endTime":1096.884,"body":"go into lockdown. We have a man"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1096.924,"endTime":1099.052,"body":"approaching the office with peanut butter clusters"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1099.108,"endTime":1100.58,"body":"and a jar of peanuts. This is"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1100.612,"endTime":1102.676,"body":"not a drill. Evacuate the children to"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1102.7,"endTime":1106.574,"body":"a peanut free location. And I feel"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1106.614,"endTime":1107.974,"body":"bad for school aged parents. How do"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1107.974,"endTime":1109.806,"body":"you even have a birthday party now?"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1109.99,"endTime":1111.974,"body":"All the kids all have allergies. The"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1112.014,"endTime":1113.302,"body":"bounce house has to double as a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1113.318,"endTime":1116.718,"body":"medical tent. The clown has to be"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1116.726,"endTime":1119.782,"body":"a trained paramedic. The gift bags or"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1119.798,"endTime":1127.51,"body":"epi pens and defibrillators. I can guarantee"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1127.542,"endTime":1128.926,"body":"you anyone here over the age of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1128.95,"endTime":1130.902,"body":"40 didn't know one kid growing up"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1130.918,"endTime":1132.222,"body":"that had a peanut butter allergy when"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1132.238,"endTime":1133.776,"body":"we were kids, you know why they"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1133.8,"endTime":1140.124,"body":"all died? We didn't have a chance."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1141.304,"endTime":1143.576,"body":"With no diagnosis, there was no treatment."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1143.72,"endTime":1144.776,"body":"We had to eat everything on our"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1144.8,"endTime":1151.256,"body":"plate. Oh, it's a shame we don't"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1151.28,"endTime":1152.512,"body":"know. Timmy was sitting there watching the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1152.528,"endTime":1153.928,"body":"flintstones, eating a PB and j. He"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1153.936,"endTime":1160.052,"body":"just dropped. There was no epipens. All"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1160.068,"endTime":1161.172,"body":"we had was a bic pan. No"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1161.188,"endTime":1165.932,"body":"one would get stabbed by that. Food"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1165.988,"endTime":1168.508,"body":"allergies. Horrible food. My four basic food"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1168.556,"endTime":1170.652,"body":"groups back in the 19 hundreds. Frozen,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1170.708,"endTime":1173.7,"body":"dipped, fried, and battered. Right now, kids"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1173.732,"endTime":1175.46,"body":"eat a well balanced meal with fresh"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1175.492,"endTime":1176.644,"body":"greens. The only time we had fresh"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1176.684,"endTime":1178.196,"body":"greens when the neighborhood bully was stuffing"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1178.22,"endTime":1179.464,"body":"grass in our mouths."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1182.524,"endTime":1185.786,"body":"Food. Terrible. Cars. Deadly. My, if anyone"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1185.81,"endTime":1188.002,"body":"else. Your family owned a Ford Pinto"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1188.058,"endTime":1192.33,"body":"station wagon. Yeah. Known for exploding on"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1192.362,"endTime":1194.938,"body":"rear impact collision. Yeah. Guess whose family"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1194.986,"endTime":1196.482,"body":"had the pinto station wagon with the"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1196.498,"endTime":1201.978,"body":"faulty brake lights? They put me in"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1201.986,"endTime":1204.938,"body":"the back as the spotter. Mom, you"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1204.946,"endTime":1213.814,"body":"better speed up. He's coming quick. Latchkey"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1213.854,"endTime":1215.366,"body":"kids back in the 910. They locked"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1215.39,"endTime":1218.07,"body":"us out of the house. Right. Thirsty?"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1218.102,"endTime":1219.878,"body":"Find a hose. Need to use a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1219.886,"endTime":1222.726,"body":"bathroom? Find a bush. Injured? Walk it"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1222.75,"endTime":1224.19,"body":"off. Well, my leg's pointing the wrong"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1224.222,"endTime":1224.822,"body":"way. I don't know if I can"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1224.838,"endTime":1232.102,"body":"walk this one off. Raised on violence,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1232.158,"endTime":1234.55,"body":"even our cereal. Violent kicks. Sugar smacks."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1234.582,"endTime":1242.44,"body":"Kaboom. The parents were allowed to hit"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1242.472,"endTime":1244.512,"body":"us. The aunts, the uncles, the teachers,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1244.568,"endTime":1246.128,"body":"the neighbors. I think a mailman might"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1246.136,"endTime":1247.804,"body":"have taken a couple swings at me."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1252.064,"endTime":1253.112,"body":"Not only did they hit us, they"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1253.128,"endTime":1256.128,"body":"hit us with our own toys. Really?"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1256.216,"endTime":1257.264,"body":"We can't do that to our kids."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1257.304,"endTime":1259.52,"body":"Number one, CPS. Number two, we're not"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1259.552,"endTime":1262.084,"body":"wasting a perfectly good dollar 300 Xbox."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1266.624,"endTime":1267.792,"body":"Come on. Back in the day, we"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1267.808,"endTime":1269.724,"body":"had no Xbox. We had cardboard box."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1270.624,"endTime":1271.928,"body":"There was no weed. It was just"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1271.976,"endTime":1277.072,"body":"us. Was no add either, because we"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1277.088,"endTime":1278.424,"body":"had to play in the street. That'll"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1278.464,"endTime":1287.976,"body":"make you pay attention. I couldn't wait"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1288.0,"endTime":1289.112,"body":"for the streetlights to come out. I"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1289.128,"endTime":1291.084,"body":"was the worst live frogger game ever."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1294.224,"endTime":1296.456,"body":"Toys that would kill and maim. When"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1296.48,"endTime":1298.592,"body":"I turned seven, my 7th birthday, they"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1298.608,"endTime":1300.208,"body":"gave me a set of lawn darts."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1300.336,"endTime":1302.696,"body":"Yeah. Basically, if you some of you"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1302.72,"endTime":1304.352,"body":"too young, this was basically a metal"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1304.408,"endTime":1307.92,"body":"spear with wings. There you go. Knock"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1307.952,"endTime":1310.016,"body":"kneed, big headed, nearsighted goofball. Go throw"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1310.04,"endTime":1311.256,"body":"these at your friends. We're gonna be"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1311.28,"endTime":1318.188,"body":"inside watching tv. Hey, Chris. Oh, man."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1318.236,"endTime":1319.308,"body":"Don't tell my mom. I'll get a"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1319.316,"endTime":1329.78,"body":"timeout. The most dangerous toys like lawn"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1329.812,"endTime":1333.444,"body":"darts, slip and slides, bb guns, slingshots,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1333.564,"endTime":1336.012,"body":"firecrackers, they had these things called click"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1336.068,"endTime":1339.436,"body":"clacks, two glass balls on a string."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1339.58,"endTime":1345.986,"body":"What could go wrong there? Everybody knew"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1346.01,"endTime":1347.786,"body":"at least one kid with missing fingers"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1347.81,"endTime":1354.786,"body":"or a glass eye. So by round"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1354.81,"endTime":1356.562,"body":"applause, first time seeing a Native American"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1356.618,"endTime":1357.634,"body":"doing the stand up? Probably."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1357.674,"endTime":1357.85,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1357.882,"endTime":1362.586,"body":"Yeah. I suspected as much. Yeah. There's"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1362.61,"endTime":1363.658,"body":"only like seven of us out of"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1363.666,"endTime":1367.122,"body":"like 17,000 comedians. People forget Native Americans"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1367.138,"endTime":1370.084,"body":"were only 1% of the population. 1%,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1370.274,"endTime":1372.104,"body":"I believe. One time we were like"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1372.144,"endTime":1376.704,"body":"100% of the population. Gets a little"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1376.744,"endTime":1378.32,"body":"awkward. We go places. People have never"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1378.352,"endTime":1380.032,"body":"even met an indian. They don't even"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1380.048,"endTime":1381.32,"body":"know how to react when they see."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1381.392,"endTime":1382.784,"body":"We did a show, a couple native"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1382.824,"endTime":1385.4,"body":"brothers and myself went to Columbus, Ohio."},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1385.552,"endTime":1387.144,"body":"We did a show at Ohio State,"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1387.264,"endTime":1388.456,"body":"finished the show, went back to our"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1388.48,"endTime":1390.496,"body":"hotel across the street. The housekeepers heard"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1390.52,"endTime":1391.504,"body":"we were there. They wanted to bond"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1391.544,"endTime":1392.952,"body":"with us, but they weren't quite sure"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1392.968,"endTime":1394.016,"body":"how to make the approach. So my"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1394.04,"endTime":1396.49,"body":"housekeeper came knocking at my door. 730"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1396.522,"endTime":1397.37,"body":"in the morning. I hear this, knock"},{"speaker":"Marc Yaffee","startTime":1397.402,"endTime":1405.654,"body":"my door, hear this. Housekeeping. Housekeeping."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1419.714,"endTime":1422.106,"body":"That was Mark Yaffe live on stage."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1422.17,"endTime":1424.364,"body":"I know you enjoyed that comedy set."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1424.514,"endTime":1426.472,"body":"Mark is a very talented stand up"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1426.488,"endTime":1428.04,"body":"comic and as I mentioned, and is"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1428.072,"endTime":1429.736,"body":"obvious from a set, one of the"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1429.76,"endTime":1431.848,"body":"few native american stand up comics in"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1431.856,"endTime":1434.304,"body":"the country. But he performs everywhere, done"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1434.344,"endTime":1437.064,"body":"some tv and as I mentioned previously,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1437.184,"endTime":1439.608,"body":"a major regular on this podcast. Why?"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1439.656,"endTime":1441.752,"body":"Because he's funny and we're good friends."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1441.888,"endTime":1443.76,"body":"So thanks to Mark for sharing his"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1443.792,"endTime":1446.096,"body":"set, ladies and gentlemen. We'll be back"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1446.16,"endTime":1447.864,"body":"next week with one of our comedy"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1447.904,"endTime":1450.376,"body":"interviews. We sure appreciate you listening. If"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1450.4,"endTime":1452.122,"body":"you get a chance, tell your friends"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1452.178,"endTime":1454.29,"body":"or rate us on Apple or Spotify"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1454.442,"endTime":1457.09,"body":"and have a great day. Thanks for"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":1457.122,"endTime":1458.614,"body":"listening. Bye."},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1459.594,"endTime":1461.394,"body":"We hope you enjoyed this episode of"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1461.434,"endTime":1463.562,"body":"stand up comedy. Your host an emcee."},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1463.738,"endTime":1466.386,"body":"For information on the show, merchandise and"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1466.41,"endTime":1468.65,"body":"our sponsors, or to send comments to"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1468.682,"endTime":1475.17,"body":"Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhostandmc.com. look"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1475.202,"endTime":1477.41,"body":"for more episodes soon and enjoy the"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1477.442,"endTime":1479.546,"body":"world of stand up comedy. Visit a"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1479.57,"endTime":1480.618,"body":"comedy showroom near."}]}