{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":4.48,"endTime":6.248,"body":"This is another episode of Stand Up"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":6.304,"endTime":9.608,"body":"Comedy. Your host and emcee celebrating 40"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":9.664,"endTime":11.448,"body":"plus years on the fringe of show"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":11.504,"endTime":14.792,"body":"business stories, interviews and comedy sets from"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":14.816,"endTime":18.376,"body":"the famous and not so famous, here's"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":18.408,"endTime":21.26,"body":"your host and emcee, Scott Edwards."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":22.72,"endTime":25.016,"body":"Hi and welcome back to the podcast."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":25.128,"endTime":28.134,"body":"Hey everybody, we have another terrific couple"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":28.182,"endTime":29.942,"body":"sets of stand up comedy I know"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":29.966,"endTime":32.806,"body":"you'll enjoy. Both these guys were regulars"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":32.838,"endTime":35.03,"body":"at my club, worked for me many,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":35.07,"endTime":37.414,"body":"many times and have had some great"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":37.502,"endTime":40.23,"body":"success in stand up comedy coming up"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":40.27,"endTime":43.174,"body":"later on. In closing this particular podcast"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":43.222,"endTime":45.926,"body":"show is somebody I'm sure you've heard"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":45.958,"endTime":49.302,"body":"of, Jay Leno. That's right, he was"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":49.326,"endTime":51.19,"body":"a star of the Tonight Show. He"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":51.23,"endTime":52.95,"body":"has had many, many of his own"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":52.99,"endTime":55.814,"body":"shows, appeared in movies. I did stage"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":55.862,"endTime":57.99,"body":"shows with him, concerts with him. The"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":58.03,"endTime":60.61,"body":"history with Jay goes, well, I have"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":60.65,"endTime":62.978,"body":"a short set I know you'll enjoy"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":63.074,"endTime":65.33,"body":"coming up later on from my buddy"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":65.41,"endTime":68.402,"body":"Jay Leno. But hey, right now, out"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":68.426,"endTime":71.938,"body":"of Lubbock, Texas, a very funny guy."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":72.034,"endTime":74.162,"body":"He had some huge success as a"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":74.186,"endTime":75.922,"body":"stand up comic. He did a little"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":75.946,"endTime":77.538,"body":"bit of tv, but you probably wouldn't"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":77.554,"endTime":80.53,"body":"have remembered seeing it. But a terrific"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":80.61,"endTime":83.458,"body":"stand up comedy and here's a couple"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":83.554,"endTime":86.29,"body":"great bits of his that is certain"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":86.33,"endTime":88.754,"body":"to make you smile. So Jay Leno"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":88.802,"endTime":90.482,"body":"coming up later on. And right now,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":90.506,"endTime":93.57,"body":"the comedy of Jack Mayberry."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":95.19,"endTime":96.414,"body":"I get lost constantly. If I was"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":96.422,"endTime":97.534,"body":"a whale, I'd be beached. You know"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":97.542,"endTime":100.43,"body":"that I could fly into any major"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":100.47,"endTime":101.662,"body":"city in this country, rent a car"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":101.686,"endTime":102.974,"body":"and in five minutes be lost in"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":102.982,"endTime":105.854,"body":"the worst section of town. They told"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":105.862,"endTime":106.958,"body":"me this because they put the airports"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":106.974,"endTime":108.43,"body":"in the worst section of town, which"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":108.47,"endTime":109.502,"body":"doesn't make me feel any better. That"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":109.526,"endTime":110.622,"body":"means I'm not getting very far before"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":110.646,"endTime":114.542,"body":"I'm getting lost. And I hate being"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":114.566,"endTime":115.694,"body":"lost. Because when you're lost, you're the"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":115.702,"endTime":116.494,"body":"idiot. You know, you don't know what"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":116.502,"endTime":117.822,"body":"you're doing and everybody else knows what"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":117.846,"endTime":119.07,"body":"they're doing. They're all behind me going,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":119.11,"endTime":120.158,"body":"you idiot, don't you know where you're"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":120.174,"endTime":121.628,"body":"going? There's the idiot."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":121.644,"endTime":122.604,"body":"I'm up there going, nope, I have"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":122.612,"endTime":125.676,"body":"no idea where I'm going. Why, hell,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":125.708,"endTime":127.08,"body":"I don't even know where I've been."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":131.78,"endTime":133.148,"body":"Moved out to la. They were shooting"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":133.164,"endTime":134.396,"body":"idiots out there for a while. That'll"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":134.428,"endTime":136.14,"body":"certainly sharpen your driving skills right there,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":136.18,"endTime":140.652,"body":"pal. Shortest point from A to B"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":140.676,"endTime":146.06,"body":"is a zigzag pattern. Got so bad"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":146.1,"endTime":147.276,"body":"when I first moved out here, they'd"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":147.308,"endTime":148.444,"body":"taken the metering lights out of the"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":148.452,"endTime":149.248,"body":"freeway systems."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":149.324,"endTime":150.184,"body":"They just had a guy at the"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":150.192,"endTime":151.352,"body":"top of every entrance ramp that would"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":151.376,"endTime":153.112,"body":"holler, pull and you would drive off"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":153.136,"endTime":159.688,"body":"into traffic. Tough. I'm not kidding. People"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":159.744,"endTime":161.7,"body":"shooting and shifting at the same time."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":166.32,"endTime":167.704,"body":"I got lost in Hawaii. That is"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":167.712,"endTime":168.424,"body":"a hell of a place to be"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":168.432,"endTime":170.072,"body":"lost. You ever been there? Couldn't even"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":170.096,"endTime":171.064,"body":"pronounce the names of the towns. I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":171.072,"endTime":172.984,"body":"was lost in there. I'm on the"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":172.992,"endTime":174.088,"body":"phone with people going, I'm in Hana,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":174.104,"endTime":174.888,"body":"Hana, Hoonahuna."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":174.904,"endTime":175.592,"body":"I don't know where the hell I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":175.616,"endTime":178.392,"body":"am. Trace this call. Come get me,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":178.416,"endTime":183.684,"body":"man, help me here. That place had"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":183.692,"endTime":186.292,"body":"a sale on vowels, didn't he? I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":186.316,"endTime":190.164,"body":"had consonant, for Pete's sake. Almost went"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":190.172,"endTime":191.604,"body":"into epileptic seizure trying to pronounce a"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":191.612,"endTime":193.572,"body":"name to these places. Yeah, we're in"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":193.596,"endTime":201.012,"body":"Kanahana. We went into one town over"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":201.036,"endTime":202.052,"body":"there. Nobody in the car was in."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":202.076,"endTime":202.804,"body":"Could figure out what the name of"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":202.812,"endTime":204.612,"body":"the town we were in was. We"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":204.636,"endTime":205.812,"body":"went into a restaurant to get something"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":205.836,"endTime":206.692,"body":"to eat and the waitress came over"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":206.716,"endTime":207.682,"body":"and I said, would you tell us"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":207.706,"endTime":208.562,"body":"how you pronounce the name of this"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":208.586,"endTime":209.522,"body":"place and would you say it real"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":209.546,"endTime":211.122,"body":"slowly? And she looked at me and"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":211.146,"endTime":214.07,"body":"said, dairy Queen."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":226.09,"endTime":227.442,"body":"My granddad, he's lived there so long,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":227.466,"endTime":228.754,"body":"he knows where everything didn't used to"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":228.762,"endTime":234.904,"body":"be. Ever drive around with somebody who"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":234.912,"endTime":236.42,"body":"knows where everything didn't used to be?"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":236.96,"endTime":238.312,"body":"That's my granddad. He's the guy. From"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":238.336,"endTime":239.032,"body":"the minute you get in the car,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":239.056,"endTime":239.784,"body":"he's going to be over on the"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":239.792,"endTime":241.272,"body":"passenger side over there going, hey, you"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":241.296,"endTime":242.264,"body":"know, when I first moved here, there"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":242.272,"endTime":243.324,"body":"wasn't anything out there. What do you"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":243.324,"endTime":244.312,"body":"think? Hell from there all the way"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":244.336,"endTime":253.432,"body":"around there? I'd say hell all the"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":253.456,"endTime":260.952,"body":"way up, all the way over to"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":260.976,"endTime":262.952,"body":"there, man. Here? Really? I wasn't even"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":262.976,"endTime":271.812,"body":"here. There wasn't nobody here. Yeah, but"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":271.836,"endTime":272.932,"body":"I'm sitting there thinking, get out of"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":272.956,"endTime":276.92,"body":"the car, we're still in the driveway."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":284.46,"endTime":285.604,"body":"That's cuz he's old. That's how you"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":285.612,"endTime":286.852,"body":"get to be old, remembering things. You"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":286.876,"endTime":288.772,"body":"know, more you remember, the older you"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":288.796,"endTime":292.356,"body":"get. You keep Remembering that bathtubs 120v"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":292.388,"endTime":293.716,"body":"don't go together. You'll never blow dry"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":293.748,"endTime":295.956,"body":"your hair in the shower. Don't forget"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":295.988,"endTime":296.964,"body":"that one time. You're out of here"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":296.972,"endTime":302.784,"body":"at 20 to. Everybody remembers that. I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":302.792,"endTime":304.016,"body":"bet even God sits around with Jesus"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":304.048,"endTime":305.392,"body":"sometimes going, you know, Jesus, when I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":305.416,"endTime":306.672,"body":"first moved here, there wasn't anything out"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":306.696,"endTime":307.26,"body":"there."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":315.4,"endTime":316.736,"body":"Cuz I know a lot. My granddad"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":316.768,"endTime":318.464,"body":"knew a lot of stuff. My granddad"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":318.512,"endTime":319.184,"body":"used to say, you know, if I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":319.192,"endTime":320.416,"body":"was 18 and knew what I knew"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":320.448,"endTime":322.736,"body":"now, he said, you'd be in jail"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":322.768,"endTime":328.75,"body":"is what you'd be. It's true. Man,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":328.79,"endTime":330.574,"body":"he's. You know, I love talking to"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":330.582,"endTime":332.046,"body":"my granddad. He knew everything about politics."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":332.078,"endTime":333.758,"body":"He knew everything on tv, watched CNN"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":333.774,"endTime":334.766,"body":"all day. But he had one solution"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":334.798,"endTime":336.654,"body":"for everything. He talked about a situation"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":336.702,"endTime":338.062,"body":"for a while, but everything boiled down"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":338.086,"endTime":339.134,"body":"to what you ought to do is"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":339.142,"endTime":340.126,"body":"put them in one place and blow"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":340.158,"endTime":341.05,"body":"them the hell up."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":344.23,"endTime":345.902,"body":"Pretty much his solution for everything. Just"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":345.926,"endTime":347.134,"body":"put them one place and blow them"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":347.142,"endTime":349.822,"body":"the hell up. I said, they are"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":349.846,"endTime":350.702,"body":"in one place. And he said, well,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":350.726,"endTime":360.026,"body":"blow them the hell. We can't afford"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":360.058,"endTime":361.386,"body":"to blow anybody up. We priced ourselves"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":361.418,"endTime":362.378,"body":"right out of the war business, haven't"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":362.394,"endTime":364.442,"body":"we? Man, they bombed Iraq for 10"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":364.466,"endTime":366.522,"body":"days. It cost $100 billion. They said"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":366.546,"endTime":367.994,"body":"they killed 100,000 people. I figured it"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":368.002,"endTime":369.05,"body":"up. That's a million dollars a person"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":369.09,"endTime":370.042,"body":"to kill somebody."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":370.186,"endTime":373.818,"body":"That's just totally out of line. I'm"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":373.834,"endTime":375.386,"body":"not willing to finance a global conflict"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":375.418,"endTime":379.178,"body":"at these prices. If Carrot could beat"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":379.194,"endTime":380.554,"body":"a family of four for $1.43 a"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":380.562,"endTime":381.354,"body":"month, the damn one ought to be"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":381.362,"endTime":382.314,"body":"able to kill somebody for less than"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":382.322,"endTime":392.758,"body":"a million bucks. Ahead, let's get dropping"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":392.774,"endTime":394.054,"body":"bombs that cost a million dollars a"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":394.062,"endTime":395.494,"body":"piece. And, folks, you shouldn't drop anything"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":395.542,"endTime":397.13,"body":"that cost a million dollars a piece."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":397.87,"endTime":398.934,"body":"You ought to polish it and put"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":398.942,"endTime":404.246,"body":"it on your mantle. You could shove"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":404.278,"endTime":405.702,"body":"a million dollars down someone's throat and"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":405.726,"endTime":409.318,"body":"kill them. Actually, we could just drop"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":409.334,"endTime":414.726,"body":"the money on them, all them damn"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":414.758,"endTime":425.842,"body":"pennies. We just cost too much money"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":425.866,"endTime":427.106,"body":"to kill people anymore. Man. I heard"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":427.138,"endTime":428.482,"body":"capital punishment the other day was $12"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":428.506,"endTime":431.41,"body":"million a person. How come it could"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":431.45,"endTime":433.122,"body":"take that much? I mean, couldn't take"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":433.146,"endTime":434.354,"body":"that much drugs. It couldn't take that"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":434.362,"endTime":436.674,"body":"much electricity. Although I couldn't even find"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":436.682,"endTime":438.002,"body":"out about electricity. I couldn't even find"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":438.026,"endTime":439.01,"body":"out who made an electric chair."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":439.05,"endTime":440.034,"body":"I called everybody trying to find out"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":440.042,"endTime":441.602,"body":"who made an electric chair. I've been"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":441.626,"endTime":442.882,"body":"called General Electric, who at least think"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":442.906,"endTime":443.906,"body":"would know who made a good electric"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":443.938,"endTime":445.874,"body":"chair. And they didn't. And I said,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":445.882,"endTime":446.642,"body":"well, you know, you guys ought to"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":446.666,"endTime":448.15,"body":"continue because you could have this new"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":448.19,"endTime":450.262,"body":"slogan. GE brings good things to life"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":450.286,"endTime":456.342,"body":"and vice versa. And they hung up"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":456.366,"endTime":464.502,"body":"on me, telling you, that's gold. But"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":464.526,"endTime":466.454,"body":"I decided they were talking about privatizing"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":466.502,"endTime":467.686,"body":"prisons one time, and I was thinking,"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":467.718,"endTime":468.502,"body":"you know, hey, if I ever get"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":468.526,"endTime":469.638,"body":"some money, we're always gonna have criminals"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":469.654,"endTime":470.022,"body":"in this country."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":470.046,"endTime":472.262,"body":"I'm gonna buy me a prison. Might"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":472.286,"endTime":472.934,"body":"need to know where you go to"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":472.942,"endTime":476.334,"body":"get a good electric chair. Because I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":476.342,"endTime":477.262,"body":"want a good electric chair in my"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":477.286,"endTime":478.558,"body":"prison. I don't want no crummy Kmart"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":478.574,"endTime":481.342,"body":"electric chair down here. I'll be down"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":481.366,"endTime":483.662,"body":"there at midnight. Flipping that switch. Is"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":483.686,"endTime":484.862,"body":"he dead yet? Because I don't think"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":484.886,"endTime":488.238,"body":"this thing's working right. Hell, all we're"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":488.254,"endTime":497.182,"body":"doing is giving him permanence. But I"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":497.206,"endTime":498.782,"body":"decided since I couldn't find out who"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":498.806,"endTime":499.742,"body":"made an electric chair, if I ever"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":499.766,"endTime":500.734,"body":"do have a prison, I'm not even"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":500.742,"endTime":501.758,"body":"gonna have an electric chair. I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":501.774,"endTime":503.876,"body":"have a new, energy saving, environmentally friendly"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":503.908,"endTime":505.604,"body":"prison. I'm going to carpet my entire"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":505.652,"endTime":507.556,"body":"prison instead. And I'm have my condemned"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":507.588,"endTime":508.756,"body":"man stand in a bucket of water."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":508.828,"endTime":509.988,"body":"I'm going have all the other convicts"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":510.004,"endTime":511.396,"body":"do like this on the carpet all"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":511.468,"endTime":514.372,"body":"day. Just touch them at the same"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":514.396,"endTime":521.956,"body":"time. Like at a pocket that 12"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":522.028,"endTime":530.884,"body":"miles. Found out that 95% of the"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":530.892,"endTime":532.052,"body":"people on death row have no high"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":532.076,"endTime":534.564,"body":"school diploma and very little incentive to"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":534.572,"endTime":535.284,"body":"get one at this point in their"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":535.292,"endTime":535.84,"body":"life."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":543.74,"endTime":545.316,"body":"I wish I knew more about politics."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":545.348,"endTime":546.372,"body":"I was like, you know, during his"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":546.396,"endTime":548.068,"body":"last presidential race, that was something, wasn't"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":548.084,"endTime":550.164,"body":"it? Man? That was a decision to"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":550.172,"endTime":551.924,"body":"make. Al Gore and George W. Bush."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":551.972,"endTime":552.964,"body":"That's like trying to decide whether you"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":552.972,"endTime":554.196,"body":"want your leg cut off just above"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":554.228,"endTime":563.632,"body":"or just below that. One of them"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":563.656,"endTime":565.312,"body":"was a spoiled rich kid groomed by"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":565.336,"endTime":566.752,"body":"his parents to be president. The other"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":566.776,"endTime":570.768,"body":"one was a dork. Who's who? Depends"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":570.784,"endTime":577.264,"body":"on your political affiliation. Clinton's gonna be"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":577.272,"endTime":578.94,"body":"a tough act to follow, ain't he?"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":579.48,"endTime":581.232,"body":"He's always had something going on for"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":581.256,"endTime":584.944,"body":"entertainment value. Whitewater campaign finance, China Gate."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":584.992,"endTime":585.904,"body":"And he had that woman that was"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":585.912,"endTime":588.78,"body":"giving him all that trouble, Hillary."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":592.08,"endTime":593.624,"body":"Actually, Hillary stood up for him. And"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":593.632,"endTime":594.552,"body":"that's a position a lot of women"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":594.576,"endTime":605.0,"body":"found difficult around this guy. He's always"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":605.04,"endTime":606.392,"body":"wondering what his legacy's gonna be. You"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":606.416,"endTime":607.304,"body":"know, what is it? He didn't do"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":607.312,"endTime":608.664,"body":"anything. He didn't get health care, he"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":608.672,"endTime":609.992,"body":"didn't get gays in the military. The"},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":610.016,"endTime":611.544,"body":"only thing he did get was off."},{"speaker":"Jack Mayberry","startTime":611.632,"endTime":612.38,"body":"Basically."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":617.27,"endTime":619.662,"body":"That was Jack Mayberry live on stage."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":619.726,"endTime":621.806,"body":"You could tell from his accent he's"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":621.838,"endTime":624.798,"body":"from the South, Lubbock, Texas. But he's"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":624.814,"endTime":626.574,"body":"performed all over the country and a"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":626.582,"endTime":628.654,"body":"lot of tv. And he was talking"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":628.702,"endTime":630.382,"body":"about things that has just happened to"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":630.406,"endTime":633.15,"body":"everybody. We all have grandparents like he"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":633.19,"endTime":636.382,"body":"talks about and getting lost in strange"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":636.446,"endTime":640.17,"body":"towns. Never unusual for many of us,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":640.47,"endTime":642.926,"body":"but we have more great comedy. Here's"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":642.958,"endTime":644.82,"body":"a short set by a good guy."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":644.95,"endTime":647.256,"body":"I know you know him, he's famous"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":647.288,"endTime":649.064,"body":"on tv, but back in the day"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":649.152,"endTime":650.776,"body":"he was a regular at my clubs."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":650.808,"endTime":652.568,"body":"I did a few concerts with him"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":652.704,"endTime":655.176,"body":"and just a terrific guy and always,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":655.248,"endTime":657.544,"body":"always funny. In fact, he's still performing"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":657.672,"endTime":659.256,"body":"each and every week down in la."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":659.328,"endTime":660.632,"body":"If you get a chance, catch him"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":660.656,"endTime":662.92,"body":"live Ladies and gentlemen, here's a little"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":662.96,"endTime":670.472,"body":"old school comedy by Jay Leno. Hello."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":670.536,"endTime":671.984,"body":"Welcome to the show. Welcome to the"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":671.992,"endTime":673.248,"body":"show. Y'all see the news today? President"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":673.304,"endTime":675.632,"body":"Carter has some good news. Said when"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":675.656,"endTime":678.128,"body":"unemployment hits 100%, should start to level"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":678.184,"endTime":683.184,"body":"off. Muhammad Ali's fighting again. Gonna go"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":683.192,"endTime":685.536,"body":"back in the ring next month. He's"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":685.568,"endTime":687.088,"body":"fighting Buddy Epson. Did you see that?"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":687.144,"endTime":691.792,"body":"Should be a pretty upset. The vicious,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":691.856,"endTime":692.992,"body":"vicious band."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":693.136,"endTime":695.136,"body":"Oh, you know, I noticed something flying"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":695.168,"endTime":697.472,"body":"in here today. You ever notice when"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":697.496,"endTime":700.112,"body":"you fly that pilots always have pilot"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":700.176,"endTime":701.824,"body":"names? You know, you get on a"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":701.832,"endTime":703.344,"body":"plane, you always say, hi, this is"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":703.352,"endTime":705.776,"body":"your pilot. Mike Tiger will be flying"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":705.808,"endTime":708.224,"body":"to New York. Hi, I'm your pilot,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":708.272,"endTime":711.744,"body":"Jim Hunt. You never get Angelo Boobar"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":711.792,"endTime":714.544,"body":"flying a plane anymore. We going to"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":714.552,"endTime":717.584,"body":"New York today. And they always search"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":717.632,"endTime":719.232,"body":"you for weapons. You know, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":719.256,"endTime":720.416,"body":"you walk through an X ray machine,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":720.448,"endTime":722.432,"body":"they open your luggage, and then you"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":722.456,"endTime":723.312,"body":"sit down to eat and they give"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":723.336,"endTime":724.448,"body":"everybody steak knives."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":724.544,"endTime":735.356,"body":"You know, you bring your own steak"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":735.388,"endTime":738.844,"body":"knife, you get 20 years. Some of"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":738.852,"endTime":740.876,"body":"them are just so pompous. You know,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":741.028,"endTime":745.916,"body":"Delta, the airline run by Professionals. What's"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":745.948,"endTime":752.428,"body":"TWA? Volunteers. I like LaGuardia Airport. That's"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":752.444,"endTime":753.516,"body":"my favorite. You got some New Yorkers"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":753.548,"endTime":757.59,"body":"here. You're flying LaGuardia Airport. This is"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":757.63,"endTime":759.654,"body":"the toughest airport in the world. I"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":759.662,"endTime":760.934,"body":"mean, you hear announcements, you don't hear"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":760.942,"endTime":767.142,"body":"anywhere else. Attention. Vinnie is dead. Would"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":767.166,"endTime":769.014,"body":"a Mr. Lewis Knuckles pick up the"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":769.022,"endTime":771.158,"body":"red phone? Mr. Lou Knuckles on line"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":771.214,"endTime":773.334,"body":"nine. Now, I know that's unfair. You"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":773.342,"endTime":774.742,"body":"know, comedians always make fun of New"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":774.766,"endTime":777.302,"body":"York and what. But there are things"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":777.326,"endTime":778.486,"body":"in New York you don't see anywhere"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":778.518,"endTime":779.622,"body":"else. You know, about a month and"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":779.646,"endTime":780.662,"body":"a half ago, I was riding the"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":780.686,"endTime":781.974,"body":"New York City subway. And those of"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":781.982,"endTime":783.222,"body":"you from New York will verify this."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":783.246,"endTime":784.422,"body":"There's a sign in the New York"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":784.446,"endTime":786.652,"body":"City subway that always amazes. It just"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":786.676,"endTime":787.852,"body":"amazes me that it's there. It's in"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":787.876,"endTime":790.332,"body":"every car. And the sign says, no"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":790.436,"endTime":795.804,"body":"spitting. You know, I hadn't thought to"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":795.892,"endTime":797.84,"body":"spit when I got on the train."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":799.94,"endTime":801.868,"body":"And you realize they're making a value"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":801.924,"endTime":803.772,"body":"judgment here about people that ride to"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":803.796,"endTime":805.564,"body":"subways in New York. When was the"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":805.572,"endTime":806.604,"body":"last time you got an airplane? The"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":806.612,"endTime":808.876,"body":"stewardess said, we'll be flying at 30,000ft."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":808.908,"endTime":810.22,"body":"The pilot has turned on the no"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":810.26,"endTime":811.24,"body":"spinning sign."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":817.44,"endTime":818.984,"body":"The auto industry is in a lot"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":818.992,"endTime":820.84,"body":"of trouble. You know, it's true. These"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":820.88,"endTime":822.232,"body":"car dealers will tell you anything to"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":822.256,"endTime":823.256,"body":"try and sell your car. A couple"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":823.288,"endTime":824.104,"body":"weeks ago, I was looking for a"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":824.112,"endTime":825.96,"body":"car. Guy tried to sell me a"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":826.0,"endTime":827.384,"body":"72 Pinto. You know, one of the"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":827.392,"endTime":830.296,"body":"ones with the exploding gas tank. Tried"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":830.328,"endTime":831.72,"body":"to convince me it was a classic."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":831.8,"endTime":832.952,"body":"Said there wouldn't be many of them"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":832.976,"endTime":839.16,"body":"left. I like the General Motors Man,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":839.2,"endTime":839.512,"body":"Mr."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":839.576,"endTime":842.76,"body":"Goodrich, you see that? Isn't he just"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":842.8,"endTime":845.84,"body":"the most honest mechanic in the world?"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":847.42,"endTime":850.644,"body":"A new engine? Oh, no, Mrs. Smith."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":850.772,"endTime":853.8,"body":"It's just this little 29 cent fuse."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":857.02,"endTime":858.628,"body":"This guy's never around when you bring"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":858.684,"endTime":861.572,"body":"your car in for service. Excuse me,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":861.596,"endTime":863.172,"body":"is Mr. Good Wrench here? Mr. Good"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":863.196,"endTime":864.852,"body":"Wrench? He ain't here right now, but"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":864.876,"endTime":866.372,"body":"his brother in law. Dead battery will"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":866.396,"endTime":870.174,"body":"take care of you, all right. Insurance"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":870.222,"endTime":871.502,"body":"is the same way, you know, you"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":871.526,"endTime":873.23,"body":"have to have insurance to drive."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":873.39,"endTime":874.734,"body":"And it's always amazing me. You ever"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":874.742,"endTime":876.094,"body":"see these companies that come on TV"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":876.142,"endTime":877.406,"body":"late at night or on the radio"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":877.438,"endTime":879.15,"body":"and they try to get bad drivers"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":879.23,"endTime":881.23,"body":"to sign with them, but they never"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":881.27,"endTime":882.702,"body":"call you a bad driver before you"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":882.726,"endTime":885.614,"body":"sign. They always call you an unlucky"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":885.662,"endTime":888.446,"body":"driver. Hey, you're the kind of fellow,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":888.558,"endTime":889.534,"body":"every now and then you like to"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":889.542,"endTime":891.102,"body":"have a few drinks, maybe plow into"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":891.126,"endTime":892.49,"body":"the side of a school bus."},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":893.99,"endTime":895.614,"body":"Sure, you had a quarter tequila, but"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":895.622,"endTime":896.686,"body":"maybe you had a little bad luck"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":896.718,"endTime":899.404,"body":"too, didn't you? I saw one the"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":899.412,"endTime":900.604,"body":"other day. Now, as much as I"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":900.612,"endTime":902.012,"body":"hate jokes about this subject and all"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":902.036,"endTime":904.876,"body":"comedians make jokes about this subject, I'll"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":904.908,"endTime":906.252,"body":"tell you the ad exactly the way"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":906.276,"endTime":907.372,"body":"the man says it. You've all seen"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":907.396,"endTime":908.78,"body":"this, you figure it out. The man"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":908.82,"endTime":910.892,"body":"comes out, he stands like this and"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":910.916,"endTime":915.324,"body":"he says, Preparation H, huh? We'll do"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":915.332,"endTime":919.4,"body":"this in a dignified manner. Preparation H"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":919.78,"endTime":924.928,"body":"shrinks hemorrhoids. Now from here to here,"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":924.984,"endTime":928.336,"body":"maybe an improvement. All right, well, you're"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":928.368,"endTime":932.112,"body":"still not walking around, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Jay Leno","startTime":932.136,"endTime":932.7,"body":"mean."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":937.0,"endTime":939.472,"body":"That was Jay Leno live on stage,"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":939.616,"endTime":941.984,"body":"man, back then and today, one of"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":941.992,"endTime":944.336,"body":"the funniest men in America. So great"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":944.408,"endTime":946.56,"body":"to have him not only on my"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":946.6,"endTime":948.432,"body":"stages but on this podcast and be"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":948.456,"endTime":950.32,"body":"able to share his comedy with you."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":950.44,"endTime":952.064,"body":"So in this show we had Jack"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":952.112,"endTime":954.592,"body":"Mayberry and Jay Leno. I know you"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":954.616,"endTime":956.272,"body":"enjoyed it as much as I did."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":956.376,"endTime":958.656,"body":"Thanks for joining us on the podcast."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":958.768,"endTime":960.192,"body":"We've been doing this a while. We"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":960.216,"endTime":962.496,"body":"hope you stay with us and continue."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":962.648,"endTime":964.272,"body":"If you haven't had a chance, go"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":964.296,"endTime":966.672,"body":"to my YouTube site. It's under my"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":966.696,"endTime":969.44,"body":"name, Scott Edwards. Or check out my"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":969.48,"endTime":974.208,"body":"podcast network, Standup Comedy Podcast Network. It's"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":974.224,"endTime":976.432,"body":"a free app on your phone or"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":976.456,"endTime":980.496,"body":"go to standup comedy podcast network.com youm'll"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":980.528,"endTime":983.038,"body":"find a comedy course, Jokes for Every"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":983.094,"endTime":986.542,"body":"Day, More Stand Up Comedy podcast and"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":986.646,"endTime":988.91,"body":"great videos, so check it all out."},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":989.03,"endTime":990.83,"body":"Hey, thanks for being a part of"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":990.87,"endTime":993.918,"body":"our journey. We'll see you next week"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":993.974,"endTime":995.918,"body":"where we'll have an interview from somebody"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":995.934,"endTime":998.35,"body":"in the industry. All right. Thanks for"},{"speaker":"R. Scott Edwards","startTime":998.39,"endTime":999.97,"body":"joining us. Bye."},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1001.27,"endTime":1003.15,"body":"We hope you enjoyed this episode of"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1003.19,"endTime":1005.342,"body":"Stand Up Comedy, your host and emcee."},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1005.486,"endTime":1008.11,"body":"For information on the show, merchandise and"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1008.15,"endTime":1010.462,"body":"our sponsors, or to send comments to"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1010.486,"endTime":1014.99,"body":"Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhost and"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1015.03,"endTime":1018.59,"body":"mc.com. look for more episodes soon and"},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1018.63,"endTime":1020.686,"body":"enjoy the world of Stand Up Comedy."},{"speaker":"Announcer","startTime":1020.798,"endTime":1022.43,"body":"Visit a comedy showroom near."}]}