"My 48 Hours as Donald Trump's Best Friend" by Comic Bruce Smirnoff

Standup Comic and true Friend Bruce Smirnoff shares a very funny story about his personal encounter with Donald J. Trump...before he was President, in fact even before Trump's TV show. BUT, it is a wonderful and funny story about an interesting and surprisingly approachable guy...Donald Trump. AND, we have a special added bonus...Pres. Trump shares his side of the story!

Donald J. Trump impression by the very funny Josh Rosen.

Short intro to TTTP

Transcript

Announcer 0:29

This is another episode of Standup Comedy "Your Host & MC"

Scott Edwards 1:33

You had an adventure with uh time that uh Donald Trump and Winglet. Uh what was Winglet? What's that?

Bruce Smirnoff 1:43

Oh, oh well first of all, thank you for having me on your show. And uh I had such a wonderful time with you and your bride when you were here. I guess you saw on my wall that I have like a little art thing about uh Donald Trump. So we started to speak about that, and I told you this story. Uh and you you know who comedian Jeff Ross is, the Roast Master General.

Scott Edwards 2:05

Oh, yeah, Jeff Ross. Uh he worked the club several times, very funny guy, famous in the New York area. Uh you and Jeff Ross are close friends. Yeah, we and and this this so this goes back to 2002.

Bruce Smirnoff 2:17

Well, when we lived in LA, when I was living there, I left uh in uh 2001, but in in the 90s, Jeff and I had a friendship. We both had one-man shows, so we kind of you know, uh buddied up to each other to you know figure out, you know, get tips from one another. And he became a fan of mine and I of him. And uh we stayed friends. Uh, and then I moved to New York. And uh unfortunately I moved uh in 2001, so I was enjoying everything until 9-11. Uh happened about eight months after I had moved there, and things were you know not really progressing that far uh uh obviously after 9-11.

Scott Edwards 2:53

Yeah, that that was uh tough timing uh and not the best time to be in New York. Right.

Bruce Smirnoff 2:58

So then after uh J and like it was in February, I think it was like February 9th or something, you know, Jeff had apartments in both cities because he by coastal plays everywhere, and he calls me on a Friday afternoon, February. He goes, Hey buddy, hey, what's up? He goes, uh, uh, are you busy this weekend? I go, you know, no. Um what do you what do you want to do? He goes, Well, I got a call from Donald Trump, and he wants me to perform at Mar-a-Lago tomorrow night, and I'd like to bring you as my opening act. And I went, Yeah, sure. You know, and he goes, Okay, well, we got to meet at LaGuardia Airport in about you know, four hours. So just uh meet us at the private terminal. I'll see you there. And I went, okay. So let me explain at the time, you know, obviously Trump wasn't in politics then. And to me, I never really paid much attention because living in California, you always hear about Trump, but I don't even think he had those television shows on, right? The Apprentice and things like that. Right.

Scott Edwards 3:59

He wasn't uh nationally known as as much, more as a uh millionaire businessman than any of the entertainment stuff. Right.

Bruce Smirnoff 4:07

And he was like bombastic, opinionated. I had no opinion of him, good or bad, but I knew that a lot of like people in LA, they weren't fans of his because of uh, you know, the way he treated uh his the comments he made about women and the womenizing. And then he was in Atlantic City, and that's right, he was having trouble with the Taj Mahal. That was the hotel that he bought. Anyway, that's all I knew of him. I just, you know, I said, Oh, I'd been around famous people living in LA. So I said, all right, you know, I got to deal with a very, very large ego, and uh, but it'll be fun flying. We're gonna fly down on this private plane, and a gig's a gig. So I get to get to LaGuardia. It's a private terminal, which is next to, you know, the main terminal, but let's separate it. And it's a real cold February night, and it's five o'clock in the afternoon, and this is hardcore. Everybody and their mother is going somewhere, but a lot of people are traveling down to Florida, and the terminal that we're in, there's nobody there. It's just me and Jeff. And then about three minutes later comes in Judge Janine Pierrot, who is you know the host on uh Fox TV. I'm sure your audience knows who she is. And uh she comes in, they say hello to her, and then this other gentleman named David Pecker, who was owned the national enquirer. And he was a very quiet man. He came in. So it was just like the uh one, two, three, four, four of us just hanging out waiting for Trump. And, you know, I started doing stretching exercises because I I wasn't I didn't have my thinking cap on because I I'm very tall and I'm always being sent, you know, coach wherever I travel all over the world. And I get so bent out of shape physically on planes. So I start stretching, thinking I'm gonna be sitting, you know, in a sh uh sh horrible coach seat. And so Judge Janine comes over and goes, What are you doing? I go, Well, these are stretches, the back, you know, uh abdomen, all this stuff, so I don't stiffen up. She goes, Let me try. So here I am. She was very pretty at the time. She's still a very pretty woman. But I mean, I'm doing stretches with her. I'm a board and and all it was just fun. We were just, everything was just down to earth. And then all of a sudden, a gentleman comes out of the office there and he goes, Uh, Mr. Trump is here. Uh, please be ready to uh to board the plane. So, okay, all right, so we finish up, we're ready to go. He comes right on the button, we walk onto the plane first, the four of us, and it obviously it's not what I expect. You know, it's all first class.

Scott Edwards 6:37

Yeah, we're talking a private plane, not uh, you know, it's a private, it's a 727, the Boeing.

Bruce Smirnoff 6:44

And a big private plane. A big private plane, and there's no coach seats, there's couches, and you know, if you go online and you just look at luxury jets like that, you'll get an idea. So it's like, oh my God! I'm so used to coach, and here I am, you know. So I we sit down, and then uh Trump comes on with uh with Melania, which was his girlfriend at the time. You want the unfiltered, I'm gonna give you the unfiltered story. So we all sit down. Trump says hi to Mr. Pecker and and to Judge Janine, and they kind of disappear because they they know him really well and they fly all the time and they just go and do their thing. But I'm sitting now opposite uh Trump and Melania, and Jeff is is to my left, and I'm just keeping quiet. And then Trump looks at me and goes, So what what are you all about? And Jeff and Jeff jumps in and goes, Hey, Donald, he's really funny, and he's my friend from LA. He just moved to New York uh uh less than a year ago, and he he knows everybody. Trump seems just like you know, when you see him at a press conference, he gets really interested, leans forward, you know, with his hands in that uh and not pyramid but pentagon shape, and he goes, Really? You know people? I go, Yeah, I'm a comic. I know everybody. He goes, Do you know Sarah Silverman? I go, of course they know Sarah Silverman. I go to Mike Reynolds' apartment all the time. We watch UFC wrestling and boxing, whatever it is. He goes, Let me ask you a question. Are her breasts real? And he's got Melania sitting right there. And I look at him, I go, I go, yeah, yeah, what's the big deal? They're normal, they're very she's a very beautiful woman, but they're not overly large. He goes, Oh, no, no, those are big breasts. I go, no, they're not. They're like regular size. You must be wrong. I'm like having an argument with Donald Trump. Over president of the United States over Sarah Silverman's breasts. And I'm and I go, no, they're good, but they're normal, they're, you know, they're good, they're good size, but it's not, it's not Playboy magazine gigantic. And he goes, Well, I'll be. So now we're sitting there. I I'm going, This is the greatest guy in the world. This is going to be so much fun. And I look out the window because I like I'm sort of an aviation buff. I notice that he's got what are called winglets on the ends of the of the wings of the plane. Now you see winglets all the time. You know, it's 2025. So you see that. Those are those little flaps that go up. They're meant that I guess in extreme turbulence, uh uh um it helps stabilize the wing and and and and give less turbulence to the big thing.

Scott Edwards 9:19

Yeah, it's like the last uh 30, 36 inches are bent up, and it's supposed to help on fuel economy and stability, right?

Bruce Smirnoff 9:27

Right. Well, they're not bent up, they're added. You can't you can't bend the wings like that. But anyway, I said, You've got winglets. And he goes, You noticed. I go, Oh, I know I know a lot about flying. And he goes, I just had them put on the other day. I go, you're ahead of the curve. And he goes, let me ask you a question. He's like, lean forward. I go, yes, Mr. Trump, call me Donald. Yes, Donald. Do you want to sit in a cockpit to take off? I went, You bet I do. And the next thing I know, I'm in the jump seat in a 727. You know, this is like if you like flying, this is a dream come true. And I'm sitting between the pilot, you know, I'm sitting a little, I'm behind, but the pilot is to my left or to right and the co-pilot. I don't know how it works that way. And the airport is packed. There are 30 planes in line to take off. But because we're a private plane and he's got priority, we go right to the front of the line and we take off. And I gotta tell you, it was so exciting to fly over New York, and it was a crystal clear night. And you see all the lights went right over Manhattan, made the left to go out to Long Island, and it was so exciting. Oh, how do you think? And um, and then I went back into the into the uh into the uh you know in the cabin and had a great time with him, and he just taught we talked about comedy, we talked just any anything but you know him being a big big shot and boss. He really is in he asks you questions and wants to know about you. That's his gimmick. Now what's Malavian doing?

Scott Edwards 11:03

Is he is she involved?

Bruce Smirnoff 11:06

No, she didn't say a word. She was very polite and everything, but they she, you know, no, she didn't say remember she at this time, and she still has you know has a a a thick accent, and she again, no, I can't make any judgment on it. I don't know why she maybe she wasn't into show business people or she's shy. I don't know. But she really didn't speak. It was just Trump, me and Jeff telling show business. I have all these, as you know, I have all these great show business stories. So Jeff is making me tell one story after another, and I'm like bonding with with uh the future president of the United States. So um we land in the Florida and we go to Mar-a-Lago, and uh he goes, I'm having a cocktail party. Why don't you guys go change and come and so we went to went to this cocktail? But the people who live at Mar-a-Lago, they're like in their 80s and 90s. This is old, old money. You know, it was originally post-cereal. You know about post-cereal, right? When you were post-family and yeah, they make cereals and stuff, right? Very, very uh rich. This was their mansion, I think it was built around the turn of the century, maybe 1905, something like that. So it's a it's a real nice place. It's not as big as it appears on television. It's it's like a miniature size of what you see when you when you see it on TV. In that ballroom that you always see, that's where the cocktail party was. It was surprisingly uh small, you know, because in 1905, you know, you just didn't know that many people or whatever. And you didn't know that many wealthy people to have in it. So I remember that. So the party's over like at 9:15. So it was like from you know, eight o'clock to nine fifteen. And it's people like in their late 80s and 90s, they go home or they go live at if they live at Mar-a-Lago and they go to their uh their apartments or whatever. So Jeff and I, you know, we're we sit in the lobby and we're just like uh, you know, we got we don't know what to do because, you know, we're like trapped at this resort. We're miles away from everything. We, you know, we don't know, you know, what we're gonna do. And Trump is behind the front desk, just like you see on television. He's you know, he's going over like folios, he's looking at reservations, he's talking to the people. And it's just amazing that he's like like a worker behind the front desk, and then he sees uh Jeff and I sitting, you know, in these real nice leather chairs, and he like motions, get over here. I go, Me? Yeah, get over here. And I come over and he goes, uh, he opens up the a drawer behind the counter and he goes, I know you guys. I know what you're all about. You're just starting your adventure. You're not gonna go to bed till five or six in the morning. I got it straight. He goes, Here's the keys to my car, south front, go to Worth Avenue, have fun, park it anywhere. If anybody tells you they can't park it, just tell them who you who whose car it is. And I went, Oh, well, thank you very much. And I, because I've been on the road so much and so used to traveling, you know, whenever you get a car, a rental car, you take out your driver's license, and you, you know, you say they can make a photocopy. So I reach into my pocket and I take out my license. And Trump, he gives me this look. He goes, What are you doing? I go, I'm giving you my driver's license so you can make a copy of it in case we get into trouble.

Scott Edwards 14:19

He goes, Get the hell out of here. Well, I can't believe he just gave you his car. That is cool. It had to be, it had to be a nice car.

Bruce Smirnoff 14:30

You know, I'm uh it was it no, because he doesn't drive. He's not a driver. It was either a Lincoln Town car, I think it was a Lincoln Town car. It was it was something forgettable. You know, it was not, it was very nice.

Scott Edwards 14:42

Yeah, but it wasn't a pinto or something at the time.

Bruce Smirnoff 14:44

Well, obviously it's not going to be a pinto, but it's like a it's like a car that they probably use at the hotel to take people to doctors' appointments and things like so. It was a very nice Lincoln Town car. Those are great cars. So we went to Worth Avenue, and it was unremarkable. I can't even tell you what we did there. We drove, it was only kind of like we had to kill time, because when you have a gig, it's you're really there for the gig. So a good portion, and you would know this having a comedy club, a comic really only cares about what his mission is. And our mission was to do a show the next night, and everything else is secondary. So we walked around, we fiddled around. I don't drink, Jeff doesn't drink, so we didn't, you know, we weren't drinking. And we looked around, we saw that this is a very wealthy, well-to-do area. You know, you know, we're misfits. So we got back in the car, we went back, and that was the end of it. So the next day, as comedians are want to be, you know, we wake up at one o'clock in the afternoon, and we're just like sitting by the pool, like in regular clothing where everybody else is like in beach attire or whatever, just sitting there because we're still zombies. I haven't had coffee because there's no place to get coffee. It's in, you know, I I don't want to bother him with the car again. And we're just sitting there. And Trump comes walking by like in a brisk, brisk walking. He's got like a putter in his hand, you know, and he's got the golfing hat. And he goes, There they are, these two idiots, these two bums, look at them. They're just making everybody laugh. He goes, They just woke up. We've been up for nine hours, they're just waking up. Look at the sleepy pies. And he comes over and he comes over to me. He goes, I don't know what you've been doing, probably just snoozing, but I just made a $16 million deal with a Japanese out on the field on the ninth hole or whatever, you know, whatever the golf terminology. And look at you two. You're just laying here, you're not doing anything. You know, and then he just walks away. You know, he goes, I think he was with Japanese business people. They walked away with them. So then we do the show. And, you know, obviously uh Trump emceed it, so which is so you know, he gets up there and he tries to be funny, and they, you know, they they just know him as Donald. You know, these are like his friends or whatever. So he tries to make a couple of remarks, and they're like, come on, start the show. They're like, they're like heckling them.

Scott Edwards 17:02

That's funny, Donald Trump getting heckled at his own party.

Bruce Smirnoff 17:05

It was like good-natured heckling. We didn't come here to see you. So he brings me on, I did great, and I bring on Jeff, and you know, and that was it. I mean, we did our show and it was terrific. And uh I I don't know what we did. I think we we hung around there that night because uh it was so exciting, and we and and a lot of the people did hang out after the show. So we we kibited with them, and uh and then the next day we fly back with Melania and Donald on the plane, and it was like when you know this is it, you're not gonna meet him, you know. This is your one shot with uh with Donald Trump.

Scott Edwards 17:46

Yeah, these kinds of things don't happen every day. You're you're like realizing it's a moment. Right.

Bruce Smirnoff 17:52

So his mind is on getting back to Trump Tower and what he's going to do when he gets back and tomorrow and the rest of his life. Melania is counting money in her head. How much, if I ever marry this guy, what am I getting? So she's she's doing her long division.

Scott Edwards 18:11

And I'm sitting there going, You know, five years, ten million, ten million dollars. Whatever, whatever, whatever.

Bruce Smirnoff 18:17

And meanwhile, she stayed with him the whole time. So now it's it's ring-a-ding-ding. But who knew that then? And I'm just sitting there going, this is all gonna be over. I go, this is like the end of of um uh wizard of oz. I want to go back to Oz. And and and I'm and I'm you know, I'm still kibbing with him the whole thing. And now we're over Queens. And you know, when you're on a jet and you and the landing gear comes down, you know, you hear you hear the door open. And as I hear the the I know the the wheels are coming out, I know it's all over. It's minutes away from this this this fun, great weekend. And I turn to Trump and I go, let me tell you something, Donald. I feel like a trucker who won to spend the weekend with Donald Trump contest at work, and now it's over, and I'm not too happy about it. And he reaches over and he gives me a like a pat on the shoulder because he's not a big toucher, and he laughs, and that was it. We got off the plane, and I never saw him again.

Scott Edwards 19:19

And now I see him every day on TV. Wow, what a great story! And you know what's interesting is that when people deal with celebrities and rich people and famous people, you don't realize that they're just people. I mean, you know, they're you know, you have to treat them like normal people, but in the moment you're captivated and filled with this excitement for what's special to you. To them, it's just another day. But you know what?

Bruce Smirnoff 19:49

You're wrong, you're wrong. Okay, because I've met I've met a lot of famous people, and they're a horror show. You know, you you know that like what's interesting is they play really funny, vulnerable people on screen, and then when you meet them, they're like they're like uh they're not the same character. They're moody, they're not fun.

Scott Edwards 20:08

Yes, I've I've and and yet I've met stars, you know, uh on good circumstances and bad amazing opportunity that Jeff Ross shared with you to have that, like you said, you made a very clear kind of a once in a lifetime opportunity experience. experience but you made you know full use of it and at least for 48 hours it was you know Donald and that is something he was my best he was my best friend for 48 hours. Well I appreciate you uh sharing that story with my audience it's so amazing how uh somebody a personality like Donald Trump and people see him on the TV show or you see him as president and yet you know he's really just a guy and that he really appreciated your company at the time and you and Jeff you know performed and did a great show for him and you know what a great opportunity. Thank you so much for sharing that story.

Bruce Smirnoff 21:07

Can I give you one more follow-up before so Trump gets elected in 2016 and it's Christmas time. So obviously he's at Mor-a-Lago and Jeff calls me up and goes hey buddy I go Jeffrey what's going on he goes I'm down here I'm gonna play my improv at okay and uh I go your guy Trump won our guy won't you go I'm gonna play golf with him tomorrow you're gonna play golf with the president elect of the United States yeah I'm gonna go we're gonna play golf I go you gotta take a picture and you gotta put it on uh what you know whatever your uh Instagram I think he's on you know sounds like a good idea he's the president he's the president of the United States you gotta take a picture like the stupidest advice I forgot to give to to a comedian so he takes a picture great picture of him and Trump he calls me the next day he goes hey bunny I had to take it down I go I got 69000 hate messages oh geez so they had yeah they had Trump arrangement system yeah all the all the Trump all the Hollywood Trump he goes I think I think I may have hurt my career and you gave him the advice Bruce what a what a friend well again great story great follow up thanks for sharing it and uh we will be uh talking soon but uh ladies and gentlemen Bruce Mirnoff down in South Florida fully retired now but still one of the funniest guys thanks so much for being on the podcast we hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy Your Host and MC for information on the show merchandise and our sponsors or to send comments to Scott visit our website at www dot standupyourhost and mc dot com.

Announcer 23:03

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