A Working Comic Tells The Stories You Never Hear On Stage / Bruce Smirnoff

On this episode of Standup Comedy “Your Host & MC”, we feature a special appearance by “Uncle Bruce,” the hilarious and heartfelt character connected to comedian Bruce Smirnoff. This episode blends an engaging interview with a live stand-up comedy set, offering both insight and laughter from a seasoned performer.

“Uncle Bruce” shares stories, perspectives, and humor shaped by years in comedy and entertainment, while the stand-up performance delivers classic laughs and memorable moments. Fans of Bruce Smirnoff and anyone who enjoys character-driven comedy will appreciate the warmth, wit, and unique voice showcased in this episode.

Whether you love traditional stand-up, storytelling comedy, or iconic performers with a rich history in entertainment, this episode delivers a fun and entertaining experience from start to finish.

Hosted by: R. Scott Edwards

Transcript

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Welcome To The Show

Announcer 0:04

This is another episode of Stand Up Comedy, your host and MC, celebrating 40 plus years on the fringe of Joe Business. Stories, interviews, and comedy sets from the famous and not so famous. Here's your host and MC, Scott Edwards.

Scott Edwards 0:23

Hey, welcome to this week's show. We have a very old friend joining us tonight. There he is, ladies and gentlemen, direct from Florida. Let's hear from Bruce Swirdoff.

Bruce Smirnoff 0:39

Bruce, how did all these people get into my room?

Speaker 2 0:44

Oh, you said to me, you said you just prepared a cocktail

Cocktails And Old Road Friendships

Speaker 2 0:48

in order to speak to me. What are you what are you drinking, Scott?

Scott Edwards 0:51

Well, I just was I was t trying to tell you before the interview that uh to get in the right spirit of uh talking to such a great uh comic and friend that I hadn't made myself a little cocktail, a little bourbon to you know what you turned me on to?

Bruce Smirnoff 1:07

Again, you don't know the effect you had on all of us comedians. Many you put into a death coma, but I was one that escaped. But you taught me how to drink seriously. And to this day, I I don't, I'm not a big drinker, but you know, I spent a lot uh a lot of the last few years on ships, but you showed me a drink. It's whiskey with club soda, but the most important thing is you take the twist, the lemon twist, and you run it around the top of the glass. And you turn me on to that, and now because of that, I have crown royal. I know that's not yours. You were were you Glenn Levitt? Yes, you were Glenn Levitt, right?

Scott Edwards 1:46

I enjoy a good uh glass of Glenn Levitt, yes, I do.

Bruce Smirnoff 1:48

Yeah, you turned me on to Glenn Levitt on the Rock, Club Soda. In fact, while we talk, I'm gonna have that, and I don't drink, but in honor, and I have lemon. I got lemon.

Scott Edwards 2:01

You're you're you're going all out for the podcast. I can't tell you how nice that is. And what I was trying to tell you in the pre-show, and you stopped me, was I can't believe it's been so many years, but it's just a pleasure to hook up with you and and uh catch up and chat. You are always one of our uh favorite people, part of the family, and one of the top and funniest headliners to regularly player played the club. So uh thank you for those.

Bruce Smirnoff 2:25

I had this is Shippet's Regal. Is that whiskey? Yeah, that's uh very good.

Scott Edwards 2:29

Smells like it.

Bruce Smirnoff 2:30

I have it in a decanter. I put scotch tape on the side and it says shippett. So I this is probably 40. Uh I don't know. This is uh I I got this one uh probably not long after you turned it. I gotta find a even to put you put this like I would say, yeah, I'm gonna just do it like a normal person. Go ahead. Keep talking to me.

Scott Edwards 2:48

Well, I did want to uh uh introduce everybody to you by saying uh and by asking uh what brought you to uh working with me and and working laughs unlimited.

Bruce Smirnoff 2:59

Well, as you know, I don't know if your listeners know, you were one of the first comedy clubs to get with the program. You I remember working to you, I believe it was 1980, yes? Yes. Okay. So there was a comic boom that sort of started around 79,

How The 1980s Comedy Boom Hit

Bruce Smirnoff 3:18

but that was in 78. And really the I think it was the Mork and Mindy in um September of 78 that that gave the the gigantic uh gush because Robin Williams was so popular at the comedy store, and it just turned the world into stand-up comedy freaks. There was I mean Steve Martin obviously before that, but it was really that Mork and Mindy phenomenon, and then um and then so it was everything comedy, and then they had that silly show, Make Me Laugh. And that was that was on syndicated television, so everyone could see it, and e no one really knew the difference between network TV and syndicated TV. It was just another channel on your television, so that became out of nowhere a very popular show, and that had all these guys that were unknown but you know, gonna be famous eventually, and you were able to snag all those people. And you're talking about big, big, big stars ultimately, you know. Big, big, big.

Scott Edwards 4:18

Yeah, I was a big big big big right.

Bruce Smirnoff 4:20

Yakov, you had Jakob Surnoff, you had Robert Wool, you had Kevin Nealan. I used to come up with Kevin all the time. So yeah, you had uh and you know Bruce Baby Man Bomb. Come on, help me with the names here. Oh no.

Scott Edwards 4:33

We tapped into the early years of uh right.

Bruce Smirnoff 4:36

Before there were comedy clubs, it was you. And um, and because of that, and you were at the Delta Queen, you were in a restaurant, and you were just the bartender there, right? And you were just and then you got your own standalone club.

Scott Edwards 4:49

We took over the uh banquet room for uh a number of months, and then uh when they tried to force me out of business, I opened up the street. Yeah.

Speaker 2 4:57

Yeah. And you were that's when I so I'll tell you another story. When I I had lived in LA, I w I moved out there in 1978. I moved out in October of 78. So I moved there like three weeks after Mork and Mindy had premiered, so I got caught. I I I just moved to a town that was it that was that phenomenon, that Mork and Mindy, that Robin Williams fever. And um, I really wasn't good,

Starting Out Broke And Scared

Speaker 2 5:24

and I wasn't accepted as a at the comedy clubs at that point. I had a really good look, but I just was so young. I was only 22, and I really I had done stand-up in Boston where I was in college, but I really had not found my chops, nothing. And so here I was, here I was. I was in Boston, I went to Boston University Film School, and here I was in Hollywood, and you know, unable to get on stage, but not smart enough to realize to leave and go, you know, try to get good in another city. So I would, you know, I cobbled together to some of the worst clubs. Can can you say war can you say swear words on your show or you wanted to keep it clean?

Scott Edwards 6:05

No, no, this is I'll say dumb.

Bruce Smirnoff 6:07

I was gonna say shithole, but I'll just say dumb. So you had to work the worst places. So anyway, you were so eager for acts that I don't know how I got to you, but you booked me and as an MC opening, and I I guess I was good enough to, you know, to do 10 minutes of material. But the story that was amazing was I had developed, I was never a great flyer, but from 78 to when I worked for you, I didn't fly at all. And I just I guess I was getting a little neurotic, and I developed, you know, your gig your gig was in Sacramento, and I I was gonna be taking a plane that wasn't like a DC 10 or 747, and I didn't, and I got so scared that I was gonna take the bus from LA to Sacramento, and I had my friend drive me to the bus station in downtown LA, and you had to leave like at two in the morning to get to Sacramento by five o'clock the next day. And I got to the bus stop bus station, and there were so many horrible derelict people. I I started to fear for my life. I said, I'll go on the plane, we'll go down, I don't care, I'm not going on a bus. What am I out of my mind? And I never had my fear of flying. It was all stopped because of you. And I never for the rest of my life, uh, which of course entailed incredible amounts of flying. Uh, never uh never another day.

Scott Edwards 7:27

Yeah, and and and we can say that you safely avoided the transit buses all those years thanks to Laughs Unlimited.

Bruce Smirnoff 7:35

That's right. That's right. These are so these are things you have no idea, you know, but that that I experienced um, you know, on my way to your club, in your club. You know, I want to tell quickly, you you were uh you first you housed us in that beautiful governor's, I think the governor lived in that condo. Yes. It was a tall, tall, high story building in downtown Sacramento. And then you learned, unfortunately, not me, but there are other comedians that are slobberoos, have no respect for anyone, and they trashed

Comedy Condos And A Humbling Lesson

Bruce Smirnoff 8:10

your beautiful uh condo, you know, and uh and then you took us you took us on a series of these homes that you would buy in the most condemned areas of West Sacramento to put it.

Scott Edwards 8:22

We were just right, we were trying to find somewhere where the comics fit in. That was what it was.

Speaker 2 8:26

Right. Yeah. Uh and you I remember that house, and the neighbors had like a German shepherd dog, like a guard dog tied to a metal post in the yard that keep away the bad people, and it was right outside my window, and it was oh, so miserable.

Scott Edwards 8:45

Anyway, well, we went out of our way to make everybody feel at home. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 8:50

Uh one of the weeks that I work for you, so let me explain to your listeners what it's like when you do a comedy condo or comedy house. There's the master bedroom, goes to the headliner, then the small bedroom with the bathroom in the hallway, that's the middle act. And then if there's an opening act uh that's on the road that week, they get the living room with the pullout sofa. So I show up and with Larry Miller, the great Larry Miller, who's as big of an actor as he is a stand-up comedian. He was the headliner, and I was the middle. And as we're getting assembled, you know, the uh that we hear a thing at the door, and there's this elderly man. Now, when I say elder, he's probably like 67 years old, but I'm 63 now, so I can't call myself elderly. So to me, he was elderly. I was like 31 years old, maybe 20. I don't remember. So he comes in and I'm like, Who, you know, who is who are you? And he goes, Oh, I'm whatever his first name was. I'm the MC this week. And he's dressed like in a business suit, but nothing fancy. And I'm like, what is this guy? He's the MC, and he's he's he's at this stage. Who is he kidding? And he comes in, well, where do I stay? And I go, Well, you know, Larry has the master bedroom, I have this bedroom. You get the pull-out sofa. Wonderful! And he's like a happy camper, he's you know, and he's setting up, taking out stuff out of his suitcase. Anyway, I don't really he wasn't that good. He but he you could see he was really trying to do what he was doing. And I ignored him because I'm a prick and I'm you know, I'm jealous of everyone, and I did you know if he couldn't help me, I guess he wasn't worth being stuck. Whatever. I was just, you know, like any comic was back then.

Scott Edwards 10:34

Well, sadly, over the years, I I don't I wish I could put a name to that person, but uh there was literally Well, let me finish the story.

Speaker 2 10:41

We'll get and we'll we'll sum that up at the end. Oh so this man comes and goes, that's the end of him. Fast forward, it turns out, I believe, I maybe have the company wrong, he was the owner and president of Mary Kay Cosmetics, and he was one of these people that did everything in the world, and one of the things he didn't accomplish in his lifetime was to be an idiotic stand-up comedian. So this was his bucket list. So this guy did a from what I Craig Shoemaker would know his name because Craig hung out with this guy. It turned out that whoever he worked on the road with that was a golfer, he would then send for them in his private jet. And through the through the 90s and the 2000s, and I imagine he may not be with us anymore, but he was really kind to the people who were nice to him, not me, but I didn't play golf.

Speaker 6 11:35

And um how did you put it? You you ignored it. Don't do what I do. Yeah, be nice to everybody, right? The one guy I wasn't that nice to. I could have been vice president of Mary. Well, I'm in a I'm in a 55 and over community in Belray Beach.

Scott Edwards 12:02

Instead of running Mary Kay. Well that sounds like it it uh had an important part of your life in the sense that a lesson learned, right? Can't judge a boy's coming.

Speaker 6 12:14

Come on, my with my with my horror stories, that's a that's a that's a uh fleck of dust. A fleck of dust. A fleck of dust.

Speaker 2 12:22

Now, like I said, I just want to be specific to um Sacramento, even though I'm sure your listeners are nationwide, worldwide. I just want to get to feel Sacramento is the capital of California, and it is other than cops, you were the only action that uh that that was in that city. Oh, yeah. I love the episode The Cops from Sacramento because I can almost smell the neighborhoods, you know, because

Sacramento Nights And Vega Rama

Speaker 2 12:47

it's so it's I went there so many times because of you. I must have been in Sacramento 20 20 plus times. Oh, at least.

Scott Edwards 12:54

You know, and you worked the other clubs I own too. You didn't work just downtown. You didn't know. Well, I did Citrus Ice Cage, yeah, Birdcage, and then you stopped it.

Speaker 2 13:01

And then that was there was that guy. I'm blanking. I I want to say it wasn't Espazio. Joe and um God, he was so famous. He and you broke them in, and they wound up bigger than you. That last lap.

Scott Edwards 13:14

That happened a lot, yes.

Speaker 2 13:15

Yeah, and you were I remember one night you were like, Hey Bruce, come over here. And I go, Yeah, this is Joe Torres, Joe Torres, Joe and Christine Torres. Right. And you said, This is Joe and Christine, and and their partner was maybe he was Esposito, but he was a nice guy too. And I think they were like they were building houses or you know, they were like guys that were blue-collar guys. I d I don't remember exactly, but you introduced them to me, and you know, they're gonna open up a comedy club and they came to watch you and you know see what it's all about. And I said, Nice to meet you, and um they wound up hiring me. It's so hard to get work as a comic, and it it became that way because comedy got so hot, but there was a point because of you and the Torres's. I mean, and if there's any comedians listening to this podcast, it got to the point where I well, I lived in LA, I really wanted to try to my hand in acting and possibly get on TV and film. So I only needed like, you know, 15 weeks a year, and it's so hard to get that. But in those days, because of you and those other people that you started, you would just pick up the phone and you know, like you would answer the hall. I go, Scott, it's Bruce Smart. Hey, Bruce, what are you doing? Good, Scott. And then you just go, Okay, I got my book open, and you would just give me between your two clubs, I would get two, four, six, I'd get like eight, ten weeks a year, and I'd close my calendar and you know, whatever, light a joint, whatever I did, and that was work. Then I would pick up the I'd pick up the phone and I'd call San Jose. Hi, Christina, Torres, yes, Bruce Smurf. Oh, hi, Bruce, how are you? I'm fine, how are you? I'm very good, thank you. Do you have your book open? I have my book open. And they would give you, they had what, Portland, San Jose, um uh two uh no Phoenix. They were very, why am I blanking? Anyway, I think it was three, maybe it was four, and they and then you they would give you four weeks, and I'd close the book and I go, I don't need any more work for the year. That was, you know, I was living like a a real uh bachelor, and that was that's all you needed. You'd you you'd make your twenty thousand dollars or whatever, and you were you were a happy camper, and they paid airfare and and room and board while you were there. Right. And yes, you were you were so wonderful, it was such a great time.

Scott Edwards 15:28

You bring up a good point, is especially when I had the three clubs, if you had somebody as popular and as part of our comedy family like you, and there was a few others, you could literally end up with 12 to 15 weeks in a year. And like you said, a lot of guys, that was enough to to keep them busy. And it was it made us important, but it also gave us an opportunity to bring back people that we thought were really talented. It you know, we're both using each other. You guys were getting some income, and we were getting some great comedy that we could trust.

Speaker 2 16:02

Yeah. Yeah, and and and it was it was so over such a long window of time, which is also ironic, because I work on the ship with someone from Sacramento, and it's blanking on who exactly it is, but I think they knew who you were. But it was so funny. I watched when we first went to Sacramento, Old Town, which is where Scott's club was located, was not doing well, correct?

Scott Edwards 16:26

No, it was it started off as is uh where the bums hung out.

Speaker 2 16:30

Right. So when you did his club at first, it was like I get I get it, there's a museum train thing, but there's nothing to do. And then within a few years, it became the rage.

Scott Edwards 16:42

Oh, yeah, we had a lot of things.

Speaker 2 16:44

You opened up your spaghetti, didn't you have an art of pasta?

Scott Edwards 16:48

The art of pasta good memory.

Speaker 2 16:49

And your photo gallery, your you sold cartoon gallery, yeah.

Scott Edwards 16:54

Wow, you have a good memory, Bruce.

Speaker 2 16:57

I'm 63 years old, I'm not dead yet. I mean, you know, I you know well, but a lot of people didn't pay attention.

Scott Edwards 17:05

No, but a lot of other comics wouldn't have paid attention.

Speaker 2 17:07

I did want to point out wasn't there an underground was there an underground there where you could go under the street and you go or no, maybe not. But old time I remember one time, God, this is terrible. That and then it had a downturn. Uh so I actually watched Sacramento down, up, then down, and now I think it's up again. Is it good again?

Scott Edwards 17:28

Yeah, it's it's doing okay. Yeah. What I was gonna mention was that not only did you do great on stage and we had a lot of fun watching you uh entertain the crowds, but as I mentioned, you were part of the family and you did some of the activities off the stage with us. Didn't you go uh on us with us on bowling night or uh yeah, that was great. We used to do things with the entertainers outside of the club.

Speaker 2 17:55

What was the name of that diner that we went to where you had you ordered uh you know you above being overweight, you ordered like at 2 o'clock in the morning a stack of like 12 pancakes and like a tube of butter to put on it. And and and I turned to Alan Murray, I said, he'll be dead by Tuesday.

Speaker 6 18:18

We still do that line. I couldn't believe anybody eating 12 pancakes at 2 o'clock in the morning. I couldn't believe that was when we were doing that Vega Rama show, remember?

Scott Edwards 18:30

Oh, Vega Rama. In fact, Joe was mentioning today how you were part of Vega Rama. We enjoyed doing that in the firehouse restaurant theater.

Speaker 2 18:37

And uh So that was so to your listeners, that was an interactive show uh written by Rick Corso, another comedian, and it was like one of those Tony and Tina where the show is active, it's involving people in the audience, and you don't know where it's going, and and and sometimes, sometimes it's improved, but it's you know, it's got a rough uh outline to it. So the thing was you got to play. You we put you in the show, and I played the owner of a Las Vegas casino, and I'm a prick. And you were like a low, lowly assistant. So here's a comic who in real life who you know respects the club owner and wants to work with him, but now the roles uh um theatrically are reversed. So my character all he does is political.

unknown 19:25

I call you an idiot.

Scott Edwards 19:28

Yeah, I think you enjoyed that a little too much. One of my favorite one of my favorite lines from that show was one of the uh actresses was playing the part of the uh Costino waitress, and Rick Corto. Rick Corso's playing his uh headliner bit, and he says, uh, you know, hey babe, do me a favor and uh grab the uh this person a cocktail. And she goes, I'm an actress, not a waitress. And he goes, Yeah, well then act like a waitress and get him a drink.

Speaker 2 20:01

That was Chris. I'm blanking on her last name, but Chris is on Facebook, and Chris got married and had children, and she married a very successful man, and she's doing stuff in her own right. But yeah, remember, she used to date Richard Jenny. That was her uh boyfriend. Yeah.

Scott Edwards 20:16

Well, that we have a doing that show, which was real different than stand-up. I like breaking uh the rules of a comedy club and doing different things. And I would have mentioned in earlier other episodes. I like bringing in uh variety of entertainment like magicians and jugglers, and a lot of clubs didn't like doing that. But I also produced a few plays on stage with uh uh over the years.

Speaker 2 20:39

And Vega Rama, after us or before us. Uh Vega Rama was 1994, I believe. 34, somewhere in there. Well, we did a um three, ninety-three.

Scott Edwards 20:52

Yeah, we did a couple one-man shows and a and a couple other uh mini plays that entertainers had written. Uh, but Vega Rama was my favorite. In fact, uh Rick Corso and I I looked very seriously at bringing that show back as its own uh piece, but uh we weren't able to do it. But it was uh it was something I really enjoyed doing.

Speaker 2 21:15

Well, it got a lot of attention from HBO at the time, and the I think the problem was they wanted to put a star in place of Rick. And you know, he didn't want to, I don't think that was up his uh his alley, but it did get a it did get a not a nibble, but a big nibble at HBO. I believe after that uh Rick went on the road onto the cruise ships. He preceded all of us.

Scott Edwards 21:39

He uh he uh was one of the first to say that's where the money is, and um Yeah, cruise ships are good are good money and and a good way to make a living if you don't mind being on the sea all the time.

Speaker 2 21:49

Now you did a lot of uh very hard thing, very, very difficult.

Scott Edwards 21:53

You did a lot of things.

Speaker 2 21:54

But that's where that's where most entertainment now is focused is working the cruise ships. Many of them.

Scott Edwards 22:01

Well, you've been on show business a long time and you shared a couple stories about uh working with the club, but you probably have a story or two about being on the road. For example, Jill said one night after the show you were having a drink in the bar and you told her you were hanging out with uh Bruce Jenner at a Hollywood party before he came out.

Speaker 2 22:20

No, I was riding with my friend Billy Reback. We were a writing team, a few other members

Hollywood Stories And The Improv Era

Speaker 2 22:27

of it. And Billy was really the star of our group of writers. Billy's a brilliant writer. He went on to produce uh home improvement, blah, blah, blah. He's a very talented writer. And he would get hired to do these, you know, individually write jokes for somebody for giving a speech, because he could just come up with jokes on the spot. So he comes to the recession, he's late one day, getting hired, you know, to write for Bruce Jenner, you know, the Olympic. Yeah, we know Bruce Dean. Yeah. And he goes, Yes, I was up in Malibu, and I mean, I was working with him right writing jokes for his presentation, but I mean, he like, he was like nail polish. And uh, you know, he's like uh he's got like makeup on. And I'm like, yeah, okay. So listen, today we're gonna work no, no, no, you don't you don't believe me, do you?

Scott Edwards 23:14

Well a lot of people wouldn't believe this famous decathlete would was a cross dresser.

Speaker 2 23:20

Right, right. And so Billy's goes, no, he had makeup on, and he was like wearing like chiffon. It was men's clothing, but it was chiffon, and it was this. And I'm like, okay, so I just remember putting that in my head, and then we moved on for the day, and then that happened. You want the Bill Cosby story? I mean, I don't see, I don't know if this is political, eh, who cares? So he got hired, he got hired to babysit Bill Cosby from Atlanta a flight from Atlantic City to Washington, D.C. for because his cousin was producing a show. His cousin was a big agent, and whatever it was, he said, Billy, you gotta, I can't be with him. He needs around the clock attention. So can you just accompany him and you know, maybe give him some jokes or go go go what whatever, just accompany him. So Billy accompanied him on a flight, and he said all he did was harass the stewardesses and make, you know, like lewd comments and uh and you know, and then put them down when they walked away because they weren't reacting to him. He was having a miserable time with him, just in short orders.

Scott Edwards 24:22

Well, this had to be stories. So Bill was a little older, but uh maybe not info. In '84 he acted like that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:32

And babysakes. I said you're talking about America's dad, and he goes, Oh, he's a bad guy. He hates every you know he hates white people, blah, blah, blah. He let he he said he treated me like he was trying to antagonize me because he knew I was his a you know, the the guy, the producer of the show, his cousin, and he was just trying to antagonize me, but I saw how he treated the stewardesses just terribly sexually comments to them. Listen, whatever, that's a whole nother can of course, and we don't have to go into that. So, yes, I have this, you know, uh I was the doorman and host and MC at the Improv, the world famous improv, in Hollywood, Florida, California. Down on Melrose, right? On Melrose from 1979 to like '83. And I always hung out there, but in those years I was like, you know, trying to get on performing, and I was the MC. I was like uh right under, you know, helping Bud Friedman, and then Bud took on a partner, Mark Lano, who then took the club from almost bankruptcy. I was there the night or the afternoon, actually, when the liquor people came and they like shoved a receipt in my face and go, You don't pay this bill, you're never gonna have liquor here again. And I did I just like, okay, but I mean I'm looking at the guy going, It's not my club. You can't talk to me that way. I don't have the money to pay yet, and I'm not gonna pay you. I don't care if you bring liquor here or not. I'm not the guy. But anyway, so Bud was really on the balls of his feet because Bud was Bud had the idea but not the execution. And he never did.

Scott Edwards 26:06

He was always more of a showman, kind of a small man showing the city.

Speaker 2 26:10

He was the idea and not the execution. So he then out of last resort, he got this guy, Mark Lano, who was an actor and an acting coach, very talented in both ends, and a guy who had a business sense of how to run something. He got him to partner with him and to turn the club upside down. Like when I worked there, everybody was stealing. You know, like the you know, it was just everyone was stealing, and we did no business. And Mark Lano turned it around. And at the same time that he turned it around, this show Evening at the Improv uh came about, and it looked like a very small adventure at the beginning, but it turned into a very long-lasting series that really helped the improv. And the thing with the comedy store, just you know, a half a mile away, was owned by Mitzi Shore, was that when she was approached by people to television, Mitzi was a real uh control freak. And because of her control issues, she was no one would want to make a deal with her, so she kind of scared people away. So as the comedy store was bigger, way bigger than the improv, it did not attach itself to these other.

Scott Edwards 27:23

She missed the opportunity.

Speaker 2 27:25

R well, yeah, in in a way, I I don't want to put her down at all because I loved her very much also. Um she missed that opportunity, and Bud picked up the opportunity, and Bud became and Mark extremely successful, and uh they they turned their lives uh explosive, positive. So wonderful.

Speaker 4 27:47

Yeah, and evening is there for everything.

Speaker 2 27:49

When it came I'll tell you a funny, I'll tell you a funny story. Uh the book Wired. Now, here I was I was just telling the story the other day. I was um all I wanted to be was a comedian. I'm not a I wasn't a goody goody. I mean, I smoked pot, so I wasn't his goody two shoes, but my goal was was comedy, and I I didn't understand other things and nuances in life. So I see this book Wired after John, it's written about John Belushi, you know, and his life and him dying and uh of drug overdose and all this. But Belushi used to get his coke at the improv, and it's talking about the improv. And it's going, the improv, the largest coke den in Los Angeles. And I'm going, wait a minute, wait a minute, I was there every night. What are you talking about?

Speaker 6 28:36

I didn't see any coke.

Speaker 2 28:41

They need funny, there's four tables in the restaurant. There's four there's a restaurant area of the improv, circa 1981, okay? And so obviously with a square restaurant, there's four corner tables. Well, one table is Bud Friedman and Mark Lano's table. So I obviously that was their table every night. But the other three corner tables were these coke dealers that the book refers to. But I knew these guys, but I was very friendly to them, but I didn't do they didn't do cocaine. So, so all I knew was I once said to Guy X, because I'm not going to mention names here, but I said, Guy X. I go, What do you do? He goes, I'm a movie producer. And I went, Oh, that's wonderful. I never checked, I didn't care. I thought maybe he'll put me in a movie. So to me, he was X, was a movie producer. End of story. Then there was the table, the other table. And and this guy, his name will call him Y. And I would say, Why? What do you do? And he goes, I'm a male nurse. And I went, Oh my goodness, the world needs nurses, and we need male nurses. You're doing something. What do you come here at night for? I just like to, I'm around a lot of pain with the patients all day, and I like to uh have a game in the egg.

Speaker 3 29:59

I'm like, that's beautiful. These are the biggest coke dealers in history, and I'm listening to their nonsense, right?

Speaker 2 30:05

Then there's another table, and this guy, great guy, he owned a store that did that dealt with vintage watches. And I just figured that's what because I used to bring my vintage watches and I would get on the road at pawn shops and he would fix them. So I thought he was a watch guy. Everybody was the front. And the stories you read, I'm going, this was all going on.

Speaker 6 30:28

What a moron I was.

Scott Edwards 30:31

Well, if you're not part of the party, I guess they didn't want to uh uh make you aware, but uh that's uh interesting. I was there many, many, many times and sat at some of those tables, but was not part of the drug scene either. That was something we always tried to uh avoid at the club all the way.

Speaker 2 30:48

You're a square, you're not one of those people.

Scott Edwards 30:50

Yeah, but it was funny one night uh John Fox had a spoon of coke and was chasing me around the green room. Come on, it won't kill you. Come on, give it a shot.

Speaker 2 31:00

Now, this podcast, do you want terrible stories or you just want to keep it on the up and up?

Scott Edwards 31:06

Oh no, no, we're just trying to be entertaining.

Speaker 2 31:08

I did want to you've had a lot of great You mentioned you did mention I was with him near the end, and he was an enigma in that he John Fox is who we're talking about, and it had a very sad ending to his life. Um he and I and I will tell you, men, please have your you know your prostates checked, get your blood always get your blood checked. I think he made a left a nice message of urging people to do that. But he was a why he was the example of why we couldn't stay at nice condos. He was a gonzo comedian in um that he was this this rebald guy that was bawdy, filthy, triple X rated, but he had a look of him like an all-American boy, and he's just like, let's party. And you can Google him or YouTube him, but he had a magnetic thing over a hypno, a hypnotic spell over the audience. So even though his material was filthy, not creative, and I'm not putting him down, but it there was nothing there but a barroom, you know, drunkish guy telling these jokes, but standing ovations, uh 52 weeks a year of work, but he lived his life. You put me in that condo with him one day, and I come up one night and he's like having sex with like three women. I'm going, I'm trying to watch a baseball game. Can you take it in another room? And it's yelling batteries, but he was right. I couldn't believe I mean, again, I'm not approved, but I don't, you know, I I this stuff was like, I can't believe I grew up in the suburbs, you know, in Connecticut. I never saw behavior like this. People having open sex in a in a comedy condo. But he's another lunatic, probably, with the throwing the furniture off the balcony that led to uh the demise of uh of of Scott Edwards up in that nice building. Yeah, if you go to the Okay, when you had when we stayed downtown, then you took us to another another place that wasn't as nice, but still nice that when we left that tower building. And I found this coffee. I got into this is when I first got into specialty coffee, and I'll never forget the name. It was called New Halvatia. And I think that is what that's a dog. I think it's a uh I think a Halvatian is a Dalmatian, something like that. And they were located, I don't know where, but you know, right in the heart of where, you know, with people come out of Senate and then their restaurants were, and that was the coolest. We're talking like 1982. This is like years before Starbucks did anything, you know.

John Fox Chaos And Comedy Influences

Speaker 2 33:42

And that was oh, with the where they would it was built around the roaster in the middle of it and the muffins and the coffee, and they were oh, they were they were great. And you know, there's no I Google them sometimes, even the name, nothing they were it was all pre-internet, so nothing ever uh I just wish those people hope they had good successful lives because they had such a great place down there.

Scott Edwards 34:03

Well, Bruce, I want to get back to your comedy. You have some because it's funny. You've got great story where did you get your comedy from?

Speaker 2 34:13

Well, uh as a kid I listened to uh Bill Cosby records, and and then and and Bill Cosby had like no effect on me, and yet that's what I think hooked me, where his albums were so amazing, and I grew up very isolated in the in the in I want to say suburbs, but more country than suburbs, and I couldn't express myself. So uh these records, these comedy records, did it for me. So I would say Bill Cosby, and then uh comedy in general, watching the Ed Sullivan show, all that stuff, and then I guess Robert Klein, which is a lot of the New York guys, he was the uh he was the password, you know, he was like the the gateway to so many of our generation. We you know, he when you break down comedy, there's comics that are bad writers but fantastic performers, and then vice versa, and then there's guys that have everything. And he was a in baseball, they call that a five-tool player. So he was a five-tool player in comedy. He could write, he could act, he could do voices, he could sing, he he just could do everything. And and he made it look so easy that all these knuckleheads like myself and all these guys that were influenced by him, just even I think Leno was totally influenced by him too. And Leno wasn't that uh wasn't uh a Jewish kid from the from the city or the suburbs, he was from uh Massachusetts. But but he was a he was a influence on a whole first generation. And what's interesting is Robert Klein, as great as he is, he did not achieve this fame he deserved because it was just so New York and so in so cool and so hip. And maybe it just wasn't.

Scott Edwards 36:07

He was early before the real boom of stand-up. He was more the uh hungry.

Speaker 2 36:13

He created the boom of stand-up. He he was he was the reason people would go to the improv when it was, I don't I forget how Bud opened it. It was like a place to go after Broadway, but I don't even think it had booze yet. I think it was like coffee and tea and desserts. I'm not you'd have to read his books. I don't remember exactly, but but got but having Robert Klein there was like the first guy, like we gotta go see this guy, Robert Klein. And that was so he was like one of the first. So, yeah, brilliant, phenomenal. So that's how I got influenced by his album.

Scott Edwards 36:49

Well, your comedy it was always hilarious, and you had a great mixture of okay, not that great. No, you did. You had a good mixture. What I liked about your act, what I think the audience liked about your act, was that you didn't you all you had smart material, but you had an expressive personality. Um I I for some reason what's coming to mind like you see if you saw an Italian doing a speech and they're using their hands and using their facial expressions. You could control your face, your arms, but your facial expressions were always memorable and fit perfectly with the material. Now, sadly, we can't share that physical part, but right now we're gonna take a quick break and listen to a step from you, Bruce, if that's okay. Oh, the torture! The torture. Everybody sit back and relax, some great standard comedy. Here he is, Bruce Smirnoff live on stage.

Speaker 1 37:47

It's a good thing I dressed very sexy tonight. That's another thing. I mean it's business a long time in the idea you have to feel good thoughts and feel sexy, but when I I had 42 years of my children is when I started out, I wanted to be a Chippendale dancer. And I went on my first audition, took off my clothes, they said I should be a comedian. You're smiling, you know.

Bruce Smirnoff Live Stand-Up Set

Speaker 1 38:13

Sexy is making people laugh, of course. You know, when I was in fifth grade, all the girls used to drool over me. It's a special school, but they're not me. These are the jokes, but these are what are called self-deprecating jokes. I don't make fun of you, I take it all out on myself. It's a lot safer for my health to do it that way. And you would think people would appreciate it. I'm on a ship, again, maybe six, seven months ago. I'm up in the buffet, and this woman's like waving me over. Oh no. Yes, ma'am, how are you? Because I watched your show the other night. You make a lot of fun of yourself. I don't appreciate your humor. I happen to think you're a very handsome. And I said, thank you very much, and then she turned around and walked into a wall. What this you ever been to a biker bar? Probably not. This is a place like a two-tattoo minimum just to walk in. The ladies' room had urinals in it. Just a rough joint. So at the end of the show, the bikers want to go have a beer with you. I can have like one beer, and but they did get a little wasted. And they've never met ethnic people like me from the East Coast. So it always starts that they get real chum. I won't ask you a question. I go, yeah, sure. What do you need to know? They go, how come you Jews? I like it when they started out, you Jews. I'm looking around, maybe a bus showed up. Who's here? Why? Where's Uncle Morty? Did I get a toy? Who came companies here? How come you always lawyers and doctors and in show business? You different nuts. I go, hey man, read your basic U.S. history, like all the great ethnic people that came to the United States. We assimilated, got with the program, end of story. However, if you want one, and I mean one teeny, tiny difference, we don't seek dangerous jobs. Like everybody else. Because let's face it, when they find a telephone worker that's lumped over an electrical pole with 10,000 volts shooting through his body, do you think that's Murray Shacklestin? You are such a nice pro. I'm only up here for like three days. These are very short gigs up here. We we love this so much. Back to back to my life in Delray, and then there'll be more blind dates. That's what that's what my life has come down to. The people in my community fixed me up. Now I'm looking for somebody my own age. I like 60, maybe 59, 61. But my people, they fixed me up. My last blind date was like, I think it was in April. She was 40 years old, lived in Boca. I went to pick her up at her condo. She opens up the front door. I look inside, there's a three-foot iguana running around. I said, What the hell is that? Because it's my baby. I was afraid to ask who the father was. And we get in a car, we're not together two minutes. She starts making announcements first in one year. I want to be married and have a baby. I looked at her, I said, you don't get many second dates, do you? I said kidnappers give the hostage's family more time to go over the ransom notes. Because I'm sorry, it's my biological clock. So I tapped her on the forehead. I said I just hit the law. I took it to the cheesecake factor. It's like my favorite place. We get it. Waitress hadn't even arrived yet with the menus. My date leans across the table and goes, Hey, Bruce, you think I should get a boob job? I don't know what to say. So why don't you have one done and see if you like it? I was being tortured. I was ready to confess to the Limber kidnapping, okay? Do you ever feel that God has put a curse on your life for something you did a long time ago? You gotta pay for it every day. It's true. I think it all started when I tore up a chain letter in 1971. Never should have done that. Then my date starts telling me about the ex-husband. I don't want to hear about the ex-hus. My ex-husband was a crack addict. I'd say if I was married to you, crack would just be an appetizer. Then the food comes halfway through the meal, another announcement. First, where do you see this relationship developing into? Instead of murder, suicide. I'm driving her home as fast as I can to another announcement. You know something? I'm not like the other women. I don't go all the way on the first date. I said, I didn't think you did, and I dropped her off at the bus. You're so lucky. You're so lucky you found one another. You know, my family came to the United States. I don't know what off our histories or stuff, but they came from Russia. 1906, they fled. And to this day, when I meet these Russians, these new Russians that come to America, oh, these are the hottest women I've got I got. So I go play around on the internet. I found this one website, Russianwomen.com. And I found this one woman she's living in Chechnya. This is what her profile said. Conditions in my country are so horrible. I will do absolutely anything to get out. Now that's what I want to hear. So I emailed her my photo, she writes back. I think I'm gonna tough it out here for a while. Thank you very much. You guys are you're on fire! You're the best. Thank you all. Thank you.

Scott Edwards 44:04

Ladies and gentlemen, that was Bruce Mirnoff live on stage. Thanks for sharing that with us, Bruce. Is anyone still listening? Yes, they're still out there.

Speaker 2 44:12

They're throwing their computers out the window.

Scott Edwards 44:15

Hey, you uh you and I sadly have not uh seen that much of each over the last 20 years. Why don't you catch us up? What have you been up to?

Speaker 2 44:22

Well, I moved, I left LA. I had a I had written a one-man show, um, and I tried to get, you know, I it it was actually very well received, and it it's if I may say so, it was a great show. And it got me almost to what I wanted, which was always, you know, to be on a sitcom. And this would have gotten me kind of like my own show, but it didn't happen. So I got um, I got I got

Leaving LA And Quitting The Fame Chase

Speaker 2 44:47

I for the first time I was in LA for 23 years, you know, and for the first time I started to see the crack in the veneer. Like, I don't know if I can keep taking this. So I stayed another two years, and I took the one-man show. I knew it wouldn't go on, it wouldn't become a sitcom, but I turned it into a mockumentary, you know, like a fake documentary. And I had the script, I composed it with my director Dan Cohen, and we had it. We had I went to digital film school. This is um it was the beginning of the um digital video where it would look like film, you know, which is what we see everything on TV now. This is the beginning of it. So I could have made this film for less than like about thirty thousand dollars, and I had that money allocated, and I was going to make this mockumentary, and then a Larry David's fantastic show came out, and I really felt that I first of all Larry David was was a god to television, you know, and it was Jerry him and Jerry. I I don't have to explain it. And when his show hit, it was it was given a 10-year contract. And my show wasn't it wasn't the same show, but it was in that vein, and I knew that that it was just n you know, there was no way, even if so if I spent this thirty thousand dollars, I honestly believe it would have been uh pissing, you know, down the drain. So you never so I came to a I had what is it, a come to, what do they call it, come to, what's that town? It there's a come to Jesus, but they also call it come to like a Damascus, a come to Damascus moment where I said, you know, I've gotta stop this nonsense of trying to become famous. It's not about being famous, it's about being a comedian.

Scott Edwards 46:32

Well, it's about making a living doing what you love.

Speaker 2 46:35

Yes. So I had to test myself. So I moved to New York in 2001 to just be a comedian and not care about going out for commercials and not trying to be me, me, me, famous, famous. It was to test myself to do stuff. So I moved to New York and I moved to Brooklyn. It was really good. I got it because I was really good at I had was a bad comic uh in the late 70s and mostly through the 80s. I finally got good around maybe, let's say, 90, 91, 92. Then I got really good. Um and I will I'm really good, but it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. But um, so I went to New York, I was really good. And so I got on at all the good clubs, and I was like this older guy, even though I was I was only forty six. That's old for comedy, yeah. That's old for comedy. So these young guys loved me, and they gather in a room and they all started to talk like me. It was very funny. And I and my audience, like at the comic strip in New York on a Friday and Saturday night, you're talking about like 18-year-old Puerto Rican kids from the Bronx and and and Brooklyn kids and all this stuff. And I'm killing because I'm like their father. It's almost like how Rodney, you know, when Rodney was um was he was a like a generation or two older when he was.

Scott Edwards 47:54

He became a hit in his 50s, mid to late 50s.

Speaker 2 47:56

Right, right, exactly. Yes. And um, correct. And so did my friend Jackie Mason. He had two different phases of his career anyway. So it was great, but then something happened, and I'll tell you what happened. It was the show Last Comic Standing. And Jay Moore was a friend of mine who was who really loved my one-man show. He was a big fan of mine, he sought me out, and we we had a we the last couple of years in LA was very friendly with him. He was a great, talented guy, and I knew he was hosting the show, and I was appalled that no one called me, you know, to even do an audition. And then what happened? And I said, Why aren't they calling me? Why aren't I be great on last comic standing? Why aren't they calling me? And then I came to another come to Damascus or whatever Jesus moment where I said, I'm not, I caught myself. You're trying to be famous. You can't do that. It either comes to you or you forget about it. You can't chase this tiger, it's whatever the expression is. You can't chase this. It's not, you know. So I got really pissed off at myself, Scott. And I said, I gotta move away from New York. I gotta further. So you blamed yourself. I blame myself. It's too big fault. It was my fault. So I moved to Florida to like try to get out of show business. I said, Bigger. It's non-existent. It's like trying to find a swimming pool in the desert, right? So I moved to Florida and I'm trying to, I have no business sense. All I know is trying to be a comedian from 18 years old. I don't know anything else. So I'm trying to, with my savings, I'm trying to find someone, you know, maybe I can open up a coin operated laundry, because you know, you know, I need a start or maybe a yogurt, and no one would take me, I had the capital, and no one would take me on as a partner. So what happened was unad unknowingly, I wandered into uh, yes, there's no comedy clubs per se in Florida, right? But there's plenty of places to perform, which I didn't understand. There's all these senior citizen places. So with a little bit of I was I had become this young babe, even though I was 46 years old, I was now a youngster compared to these 80-year-old people. And the performers who performed for these 80-year-old people had also become 80 years

Florida Reinvention And Cruise Ship Life

Speaker 2 50:18

old, and there was no one in between that gap. So here was this new guy that could work these ethnic, mainly Jewish or some Italian, but mostly New York audiences that moved to Florida. And with a little bit of with a little bit of trying, I became like a really big act down here. And I did very well.

Scott Edwards 50:38

I bet they love the material. And you were never dirty. No, I had to change a lot.

Speaker 2 50:42

I had a day. No, no, no, no. I had to change a lot of my material. Did you remember? Remember, I used to do the joke about my grandmother had Alzheimer's disease and Lou Gehrig's disease. She swears she hit a hundred home runs, but she never remembered when, right? I remember that. I go, I shouldn't do that joke because grandma's no longer with us. We traded her to Cleveland. Well, that used to be one of my big batting 307. That was like a big joke of mine. And when you if you uh when I did that the first time at these condos, I lost the audience because these people, their husbands or wives, are suffering from that disease. And you're not wearing, you have to look at this world with their eyes, not with a youngster who's got a screw it all attitude. So I really had to X out almost 15 minutes of my material and come up with different stuff. That's why the transition took me about a year, but then within a year or two, I was like a top. I'm still.

Scott Edwards 51:37

I was gonna say with your talent, I'm sure you came up with plenty of material about the city.

Speaker 2 51:41

Oh, yeah, but I'm really, yeah, I'm really, really, really good now, but I'm cornball. So young.

Scott Edwards 51:48

So do you have a good floor living in Florida, Joe?

Speaker 2 51:50

I got a million of them. But I I don't put me on the spot. When you put me on the spot, I can't come up with one. I'll come up with one. But I want I'm getting somewhere. Not only am I good, now there's these cruise ships down here. And I never thought I would do well on a ship because, like I said, I become like a fuddy duddy with my material and these young these these cruise lines, they got kids and families, and they're some of them are very ultra-religious people, uh, you know, that are very Bible, and I don't want to upset the Apple car. So so, but I did not know about these luxury cruise lines that have elderly people that are gazillionaires and five-star service. And I didn't know about that. And then one of these lines heard about me, and I had to fill in for a comic, and I was very nervous, and they said, Look, just do what you can do, because it was last minute. It was actually Sammy Shore who hurt his back and couldn't make the cruise. So they said, Can you be at the port in like three hours? I say, I lived like 10 minutes from it. Sure. So I went on the ship. So this way was the best way to get on. There was no pressure. If I didn't do well, no problem. If I did well, even better. And I did great. And that started me on uh about a 12-year run on these ships, doing as much as half the year on these ships. You lose your mind, but you make a lot of money, and it is an extremely lonely, even though you're around people, it's a very uh weird, weird, weird experience.

Scott Edwards 53:20

Yeah, because you're not on vacation. You're part of the crew.

Speaker 2 53:24

No, I'm not part.

Speaker 6 53:25

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 53:26

Well, I'm not part of the crew, but you're also not on vacation. No, no. I'm not on vacation. I'm working, correct. But no, the thing, the beauty about this gig is I'm a passenger. I've got as great of a cabin as the past as these millionaires from Iowa. The guy who owns the corporation, I'm in the same room as him with the walk-in bathroom, marble bathroom, walk-in closet, balcony. This is not how these other cruise quarters. They do. They do. I did I didn't. When you work on these exclusive lines, this is what it's different. So I fell into, I fell into a bucket of poop. I got lucky. Okay. But let me tell you the first step of getting my so I did that first cruise, and then they gave me this big contract, like 13 weeks, and I go on my first official cruise after my trial run, and it it's in Alaska, and half or three-quarters of the cruise is chartered by funeral directors. Okay. And I gotta tell you something about funeral directors. They're not a fun bunch of people. They're obviously this is not a big thing. So that so, okay, that being said, I go on stage, and my audience is basically all funeral directors. I'm ready to go, not a problem for me. And as they're introducing me, a terrible thing happens. Someone has

The Night Code Blue Stopped The Show

Speaker 2 54:52

like a heart attack, and they're this is like this is going on about 90 seconds before I'm being introduced, and the MC of the show is introducing me from backstage, so he's not aware of this incident. That there's pounding on his chest. And like and so they introduce me, and as I walk out on stage, my microphone is cut by the master PA system, which is the captain of the ship, going code blue, code blue, showroom, code blue, which means a medical emergency in the showroom. And oh my God, my it's like my first time, you know, it's uh it's my second week on a cruise, my you know, first week of this contract, and I've got to prove myself. And here is this master catastrophe. Now, working for you all these years and working for other comedy clubs, you got young people. There's no problem going, but when you're with 80-year-old people, this is what happens, and it's happening at the worst time, and they're pounding, and I'm standing there like a schmuck, and it's never happened to me. Now it's happened to me a few times. I know how to deal with it, but I didn't know how to deal with it. It's a lot and like a moron. I look at the audience and I, as I'm watching this, I go, looks like someone's gonna get a little extra work this week. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. Yes, I did, because I was stuck in between a rock and a hard place, and I had to do something. I didn't, this never happened to me before. So I said that. And the oh my God, very inappropriate to say the least. And I couldn't stop myself. And then I said, look at the bright side, folks. You can write this trip off as a taxable deduction. And oh my god. One by one, they got up and left the room, but not like at once, one by one, like a row of corn, sticks up out. And I'm doing my act. About 20 minutes in, I went from like 400 people to like 40 people, and they they didn't leave. Finally, the 40 people, they were in for the they were in for the long one. Oh, that was terrible. And they fired me. And so all those weeks, I lost those weeks. But then I got back to Miami and I called my agent and I said, This is what happened. And I just basically told her what I just told you, and she's screaming at the end of the phone. She's on the floor laughing. She goes, This is just what are you gonna do? So they called the cruise ship line. This is unprecedented, and they put me on with the vice president of the ship line, and I said, I'm very sorry that this happened, but here's what happened, and I've never had experience with this in my life. And I told him the story, and he starts laughing on the phone. So he goes, No problem, we're putting you back on. You're on with the Manhattan. So I got the oh, I got, he said, I'm gonna be on the ship, so I'm gonna watch you and make sure everything is kosher. So I was on with the Manhattan Transfer. You know who they are. They're phenomenal. And I'm one of my great, they were really big at the same time Robert Klein was big. So it was like the Manhattan Transfer and Robert Klein were like, oh, they were like my heroes, and here I got to work with them. So I'm in the middle of my act, probably like five minutes in, and the vice president, you know, this is when he renewed, you know, let me come back on. And he's like in the second row, and I did a big, you know, they're screaming, and I remember this one particular joke, it's just explosion of laughter. And I just look over at him and he gives me the you know the high sign, and that was it. So uh, you know, next 12 years we're taken care of. Yeah, yeah, all taken care of.

Scott Edwards 58:26

Oh wow, but that would be shocking that somebody's out there dying when you can get introduced.

Speaker 2 58:31

So, yeah, you're right. So since then, it's happened three more times. Not on ships per se, but on land gigs, right you're going on, woman falls down, head bleeding, that's a whole but now I know what to do. And let me, and if there's any entertainers out there, this is what you do. You have to put on your big boy pants. You uh you you go above entertainer, you actually become like police officer, ambulance slash worker, and advisor. And you just go out and go, ladies and gentlemen, there will be a delay in the show. And you say it, you're not saying it in a comedic way, you're saying it as someone that's taking people want control to be taken

Handling Emergencies Like A Pro

Speaker 2 59:13

when there's chaos. And you have to, I mean, this is the shit you learn doing this stuff. So you have to so this woman fell before I went on as this big Jewish organization. Ugh, but there's blood all over. She didn't die or anything, but blood and they're mopping. And I just want to, ladies and gentlemen, there will be a delay in this evening show, and they got it all taken care of. They took her out in a right in front of everybody in an am you know on a gurney and the whole thing. And, you know, you went I went on, and the show was like they knew what happened, I knew what happened. So we kind of they laughed politely at my jokes, and I did them, I did my act, you know, as good as I could after seeing such a terrible thing happen. So all in all, it was like a you know, an okay experience. I didn't bomb, and the audience wouldn't let me bomb because they understood what what had just happened. But those are the kinds of you talk.

Scott Edwards 1:00:04

Yeah, those are the kinds of things that happen on the road that you just can't plan for.

Speaker 2 1:00:08

And and you have to now I can. Now I can handle almost anything. Like when you're on a ship, they have these codes. Like if it's code blue means there's a medical emergency, and if God forbid there's a fire, that's code bravo.

Scott Edwards 1:00:24

What's the code for iceberg?

Speaker 2 1:00:25

Listen, if you wanted a joke, I was in the middle of a joke. You're interrupting me, just like you always did. You gotta interrupt, because then I was gonna say, and if somebody jumps off the ship, it's code refund. And that's a great joke.

Speaker 6 1:00:39

If you had to step on it, but you always step on it.

Scott Edwards 1:00:43

Oh, Bruce, I'm sorry. You're the best. No, I just crazy. So it sounds like you you uh you did some moving around, but you settled in somewhere where you're gonna be able to do it.

Speaker 2 1:00:53

You know, you know that I was with Jeff Burkhart. You remember him, right? Yeah. You've got to get him on this podcast because he has become maybe one of the top comedians. He's on the ship so much now that I I don't think he gets a week off. That's and he's saving his money. But he was he was just starting out and he was working with me at your club, and you're bending over backstage. You were fixing something, and you're like giving me an order. Make sure tonight, whatever you say. And what Jeff and I are walking by you, and like the crack of your ass is like, is like exposed while you're like trying to fix a wire. And I just looked at it, I said, blow it out, your ass. And Jeff Burkhart to this day goes, You said that to a club owner. I said, That's Scott Edwards. It's not a club owner, it's Scott Edwards. Well, to this day, whenever he calls me, I go, Hello, I'll just hear, why don't you blow it out of your ass?

Speaker 6 1:01:50

Well, thank you for sharing that moment. Yeah.

Scott Edwards 1:01:53

But um, you're a very funny guy, and I think that you have lots of opportunity, and your experiences all day has made you one of the uh best reactive and entertaining entertainer uh comics that we've had. And like I said, uh you need to be.

Speaker 2 1:02:09

I won't agree with you. I'm really good, but I will uh but not some of the greatest you have. We were interrupted to the show, I think, right?

Speaker 6 1:02:16

So I'm stepping over you. I apologize.

Scott Edwards 1:02:18

No, that's okay. Yeah, I I step on your jokes, you step on my podcast. It's fair. Hey, I did want to say thank you for uh doing this. I uh we enjoyed your comedy set. I've enjoyed uh catching up and hearing what's been going on and some of the stories from the past. Uh Bruce, always a pleasure. We're gonna not let another 20 years go by. Let's stay in contact.

Speaker 2 1:02:41

Thank you, Scott. Thank you for listeners. Thank you for listening in and I hope you enjoyed the show.

Scott Edwards 1:02:46

Everybody in the audience, if you ever make it out to uh Florida,

Goodbyes And Where To Find More

Scott Edwards 1:02:50

you look up Bruce Smirnoff from the cruise ship tech. Well, there you go. We appreciate you listening. We hope you enjoyed the show. There's gonna be a new show coming out next Sunday. And uh, Bruce, what can I say? It's uh been a long, pleasurable journey with you, and uh it's it's not over yet.

Speaker 2 1:03:14

No, it is.

Scott Edwards 1:03:15

All right, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You have a good week. Bruce, you take care. Thanks for listening. Bye.

Announcer 1:03:22

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Stand Up Comedy, Your Host and MC. For information on the show, merchandise, or to send comments to Scott, visit our website at www.standupyourhost and mc.com. Look for more episodes soon and enjoy the world of standup comedy. Visit a comedy to a room near you.