Episode 5 - Trial By Fire

"When a prison break unleashes hell on the city, Connie is thrown into the fire and must face one of the most dangerous threats in the galaxy."

Here it is. The highly anticipated half-way point of the season. It took a lot of work to get here, and there is still more work to go. After this episode, we are taking a (hopefully) short hiatus to raise funding for the second half of the season. Thank you all for your support in helping us get this far. Enjoy. 

Megaton Girl Episode 5: Trial By Fire 
Created, Written and Directed by Austin Lee Matthews
Produced by Mark Allen Jr. and Austin Lee Matthews
Featuring the voice talents of 
Amanda Kay as Connie
Michelle Deco as Laurel
Jason Marnocha as Kirby and Gentleman Steelface
PM Seymour as Chuck
Tiana Camacho as Nora
Alex Weitzman as Moishe
Bill Butts as Christopher
Sean Chiplock as Doctor Menace
Danielle McRae as Queen-Sized
Mark Allen Jr as The Wrangler
Christopher Smith as Julian
Austin Lee Matthews as J’Harl and Thaddeus Sludge
Additional Voices by Alex Weitzman, Danielle McRae and Austin Lee Matthews
Music and Sound Mixing by Austin Lee Matthews
Featuring Art and Character Design by: Austin Lee Matthews, Ama Schwindenhammer, and Jeremy MacKrell
Extra special thanks to the heroes over at Patreon.com/megatongirl.
BigMountainCat, Christopher Craft, Glitchy, HylianDerp, Jackie O'Bryan, Jazzy Oliver, Kyle Edmond, Liam Ware, LookWhosFhtagn, Matthew Byas, Maybe_A_Cat, Nikki S, Pocketsquatch, Saiou, SeriouslyFunny, Starlight Maiden, Steven Anderson, Warzy Raptor
If you would like to support Megaton Girl, visit MegatonGirl.com where we have every episode as well as links to our Merch, Soundtrack, Patreon and a fan-run Wiki. You can also spread the word or discuss the episode over on Twitter with the #MegatonGirl hashtag. Megaton Girl is copyright Austin Lee Matthews 2021

Transcript

Scene: 1
GUARD 1
Go fish.
4 GUARD 2
Shit.
5 SOUND: HE DRAWS A CARD
6 GUARD 1
Got any aces?
7 GUARD 2
Son of a-
8 GUARD 1
Boom. That’s another for me.
9 GUARD 3
Is this really all anybody working security here does?
Just take turns playing cards or watching the monitors?
10 GUARD 1
Hey, you wanted the responsibility. This is it, kid.
11 GUARD 3
But shouldn’t we be taking this a bit more seriously?
Isn’t that- y’know... THE bad guy? Like the "came
closest to conquering Earth," "category Omega on the
danger scale" bad guy?!
12 GUARD 2
Look, newbie, just relax okay. If he could break out--
if anybody could break him out, they would have done so
50 years ago. Just put on some dumb cat videos on one
of the monitors and pretend you give a shit when the
lieutenant comes by, alright?
13 GUARD 1
Easiest prison gig ever.
CONTINUED: 2.
14 GUARD 3
I didn’t sign up for easy.
15 GUARD 1
Well it’s what you’ve got. If you really want to
transfer, do it. But until then, chill and relax.
That’s an order.
16 GUARD 2
(SNORT)
17 GUARD 3
(SIGH)
Alright.
18 SOUND: CLICKING AND TYPING
19 GUARD 3
What kind of cat video are we feeling?
20 GUARD 1
Funny.
21 GUARD 2
Wholesome.
22 GUARD 1
(MOCKING)
Oh look, Jackson wants to express some feelings.
23 GUARD 2
I am a tender box of emotion and I’m proud of that.
24 GUARD 1
(LAUGHS)
25 GUARD 3
...Alright uh...
26 SOUND: TYPING
27 GUARD 3
Cute, funny, cats
28 SOUND: POWER SURGE
29 GUARD 3
Uhhh...
30 SOUND: POWER SURGE
31 GUARD 1
Don’t worry it was just the lights flickering. That’s
the one thing about the place. State of the art villain
holding technology...
32 GUARD 2
Shit-ass lighting fixtures.
33 SOUND: BIGGER POWER SURGE
34 SOUND: LIGHT FIXTURES EXPLODE
35 GUARD 1
Fuck!
36 GUARD 2
What the hell?!
37 GUARD 3
The monitors are out too!
38 GUARD 1
Shit, I can’t see a foot in front of my face! Newbie
you got your flashlight?
39 GUARD 3
Do you not have yours?!
40 GUARD 1
Just do it-
41 SOUND: MUFFLED METALLIC THUD
42 DYING GUARD 1
(DEATH SCREAM)
43 SOUND: BULLETFIRE AND MORE THUDS
44 (A BEAT)
45 GUARD 1
...Hit the alarm. Now.
46 SOUND: BUTTON CLICKING
47 GUARD 1
Are you listening to me?! Alarm! Now!
48 GUARD 3
I- I am! It’s not turning on!
49 GUARD 2
Shit!
50 GUARD 1
It’s fine, we’ll just radio out a distress call!
51 SOUND: RADIO TURNS ON
52 SOUND: RADIO STATIC
53 GUARD 1
This is Tartarus! We have a code blue, I repeat: Code
blue! We need all Tier 5 power level heroes here now!
54 SOUND: STATIC
55 GUARD 1
Come in! Anybody!
56 SOUND: STATIC
57 GUARD 2
I- We’ll call the Guild of Heroes emergency line!
They’ll pick up!
59 GUARD 2
I-'ve got no service...
60 GUARD 3
Me too. Sir?
61 GUARD 1
Mine’s fucked too.
62 GUARD 2
F-fuck. What are we gonna-
63 SOUND: LOUD THUD ON THE DOOR AS THE LAST GUN STOPS FIRING
64 DYING GUARD 2
(CHOKING DEATH SCREAM)
66 GUARD 1
(STEADY BREATHING, TRYING TO STAY CALM)
67 GUARD 2
(PANICKED BREATHING, DEFINITELY NOT CALM)
68 GUARD 3
(INCHES FROM CRYING WHILE BREATHING)
69 SOUND: ANOTHER THUD ON THE DOOR
70 GUARD 1
Guns out.
71 SOUND: GUNS OUT
72 SOUND: ANOTHER THUD ON THE DOOR
73 GUARD 1
As soon as he comes through that door, unload
everything. Empty the clip.
74 GUARD 3
Will that even do anything?!
75 GUARD 1
If we can slow him down for even five seconds, that’s
five more seconds of him here and not out there.
76 GUARD 3
F-fuck...
77 GUARD 1
You wanted responsibility.
78 SOUND: GUN COCK
79 GUARD 1
This is it, kid.
80 GUARD 3
(BREATHING SLOWS TO DEEP, CONCENTRATED INHALES AND
EXHALES)
81 SOUND: ONE MORE THUD ON THE DOOR
83 SOUND: BOOM
85 GUARD 1
Let him have it!
86 SOUND: ALL THREE CLIPS COMPLETELY UNLOAD
88 J’HARL
Well that’s some real nasty hospitality.
89 SOUND: J’HARL SPEEDS OVER AND GRABS GUARD 2 BY THE NECK
90 GUARD 2
(CHOKING)
91 GUARD 1
Jackson!!
93 J’HARL
(SATISFIED GRUNT)
Fifty years of aggression and plenty of pillowy soft
humans to take it out on.
94 SOUND: J’HARL SNAPS GUARD 2’S NECK AND THROWS HIM ASIDE
95 J’HARL
I love therapy.
96 SOUND: GUARD 1 UNLOADS A CLIP
97 GUARD 1
Fucking die!!
98 J’HARL
You’d think after the first magazine you’d realize...
99 SOUND: J’HARL SHOVES AN ARM THROUGH HIS CHEST
100 GUARD 1
(SHORT, PAINED SCREAM, FOLLOWED BY A LONG DYING GURGLE)
101 J’HARL
...that you’re dead, little man.
102 SOUND: J’HARL TOSSES HIS BODY TO THE SIDE
103 GUARD 3
(SHAKING, FULL ON PANIC ATTACK)
104 J’HARL
Oh you don’t gotta afraid anymore. You’re today’s lucky
winner.
106 GUARD 3
(GRITTED TEETH, SHIVERING)
107 J’HARL
I’ve got a message for this paltry little world of
yours.
109 J’HARL
We’re gonna have ourselves a little grudge match. Your
strongest living heroes against me. No rules. Just
blood. And this time, if I win, this planet will be
glass.
110 SOUND: J’HARL WALKS TO THE DOOR
111 J’HARL
Oh and if he’s still  around, be sure to extend a personal
invite to Magnanimous. I’d love to kill him again, for
old times.
112 SOUND: J’HARL WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM
113 J’HARL
Y’all take care now.
(CHUCKLE)

Scene 2

115 SOUND: DAWN IS BREAKING OVER THE CITY
116 SOUND: CONNIE SHIFTS IN BED
117 CONNIE
(YAWNS)
Huh? Oh crap. I’m gonna be late.
Hey babe?
119 LAUREL
(GRUMBLES A BIT, SLEEPILY)
Hm?
120 CONNIE
I’ve gotta go meet Nora. Are you gonna sleep in?
122 LAUREL
(YAWNS)
No, no. I’ve got to put some last touches on today’s
Olympus article. Can you reach down a packet of oatmeal
for me on your way out.
123 CONNIE
(STRETCHES)
Apple cinnamon?
124 LAUREL
Hell yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
125 CONNIE
Coming right up-
126 SOUND: SHOCKWAVE BLASTS THROUGH THE ROOM, BLOWING OUT THE
WINDOWS AND SENDING CONNIE AND LAUREL FLYING
127 CONNIE & LAUREL
(YELPS OUT OF SHOCK AND IMPACT)
128 SOUND: ALARMS IN THE DISTANCE
129 SOUND: DISTANT COMBAT
130 SOUND: DUST SETTLES
131 CONNIE
(CATCHING BREATH, GRUNTING IN PAIN)
132 LAUREL
(SCARED BREATHING, ALSO IN PAIN)
133 CONNIE
(GRITTED TEETH STANDING)
Are you okay?
134 LAUREL
(STRUGGLING A BIT, PANICKED)
I-... I-...
135 CONNIE
Breathe. I’m here.
136 LAUREL
(BREATHING SLOWS TO A STEADY RHYTHM)
I-... I’m sore but-
(GRUNTS AS SHE TRIES TO STAND)
What’s going on? I can’t see anything without my
glasses.
137 CONNIE
I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out.
138 SOUND: NANOBOTS CALL OUT
139 CONNIE
Kirby? What’s going on?
140 KIRBY
(COUGHING)
What isn’t going on? There’s villains going buckwild
across the whole city!
141 CONNIE
Shit, what?!
142 KIRBY
Looks like every prison in the county just emptied into
the streets! It’s fucking pandemonium out there!
143 CONNIE
Oh fuck. O-Okay I’m suiting up!
144 SOUND: CONNIE RUNS TO THE CLOSET TO GET DRESSED
145 CONNIE
But what about Laurel? I’ve gotta get her to safety
before I do anything!
146 KIRBY
Bring her to the gym’s bunker! Might be the safest
place in the whole city right now... I’ll reach out to
somebody to see if they can check in on Moishe, too.
147 CONNIE
Right.
148 SOUND: SHE SLIPS ON HER GLOVES
149 CONNIE
Babe, I’m taking you to Kirby’s.
150 LAUREL
Okay.
(BREATHING)
Grab my Monarch glasses out of the safe.
151 CONNIE
Gotcha.
152 SOUND: CONNIE DIGS THE SAFE OUT OF THE CLOSET AND OPENS IT
153 LAUREL
This is about as "trial by fire" as it gets, huh?
154 CONNIE
Yeah.
155 SOUND: CONNIE HANDS LAUREL HER GLASSES
156 CONNIE
Let’s show ’em what we can do.
157 SOUND: LAUREL PUTS ON AND ACTIVATES HER GLASSES
158 LAUREL
Right.
159 SOUND: CONNIE SCOOPS UP LAUREL AND LAUNCHES OUT THE WINDOW

Scene 3
160 SOUND: CONNIE FLIES OVER THE CHAOS
161 CONNIE
Hang on!
162 LAUREL
(TRYING NOT TO PANIC)
Trust me, that’s all I’m focused on!
163 SOUND: CONNIE SWERVES THROUGH THE CITY
164 CONNIE
I can’t even tell who’s a hero and who’s a villain
right now. It’s fucking chaos!
165 SOUND: MISSILE LAUNCHES
166 CONNIE
What the-? Oh shit!
167 SOUND: CONNIE DODGES MISSILE
168 CONNIE
(DODGE)
169 LAUREL
(YELPS)
170 CONNIE
Okay so, the ones shooting at us are probably the bad
guys!
171 LAUREL
Pretty safe assumption!
172 CONNIE
Thankfully I don’t see any villains I recognize, so
maybe nobody will want to specifically target us.
173 DOCTOR MENACE
(SHOUTING FROM THE STREET)
AHAA! Megaton Girl! My greatest nemesis!
174 CONNIE
Son of a bitch.
175 LAUREL
God damn it.
176 CONNIE
Can we not right now, doc?! Little busy here!
177 DOCTOR MENACE
But! I didn’t get to show you the cool new thing I
wanted you to see, last time!
178 SOUND: HE PRESSES A BUTTON
179 SOUND: MENACE BOT TRANSFORMATION!
180 CONNIE & LAUREL
Oh beans.
181 SOUND: MENACE BOT LANDS
182 DOCTOR MENACE
I’m out of beta, y’all! Menace Bot ONE POINT OH!! Ultra
Ultanium armor! Laser resistant chassis! Rich Corinthian
leather interior! And-! You’re going to love this part.
HOMING MISSILES! Fire!!
183 SOUND: ANOTHER BUTTON
184 SOUND: MISSILES LAUNCH
185 CONNIE
Shit!!  Try not to barf! 
186 SOUND: CONNIE SPEEDS UP
187 LAUREL
(CONFUSED INTO SCREAMING AS CONNIE DODGES)
192 SOUND: CONNIE SWERVES THROUGH MISSILES
193 CONNIE
(DODGING)
194 LAUREL
(FREAKING OUT)
195 SOUND: MISSILES EXPLODE AGAINST BUILDINGS
196 DOCTOR MENACE
What the fuck, homing missiles?! You have two jobs!
Home and Missile! Neither of which are rocket science!
Except for the... Rocket... Part. Good thing I brought
more~!
197 SOUND: OH SHIT THATS ANOTHER BUTTON
198 SOUND: MISSILES LAUNCH
199 CONNIE
Would you stop with the missiles already?!
(DEEP BREATH)
200 SOUND: THREE RAPIDFIRE GUTBUSTER BLASTS
201 SOUND: MISSILES EXPLODE
202 DOCTOR MENACE
Oho! Got some new tricks yourself, eh? Ha! And this is
why you’re my greatest nemesis! Always learning,
growing, futzing with my plans!
203 CONNIE
We’ve gotta lose this guy.
204 LAUREL
Yeah, uh- Oh! Duck into that alleyway and stay low!
205 CONNIE
On it!
206 SOUND: CONNIE SPEEDS UP
207 DOCTOR MENACE
Hey! Get back here and fight me! I’m cool enough to
hang with you, I swear!
210 CONNIE
See ya, tin can!
211 DOCTOR MENACE
Wha-! Hey, come on! I can’t fit in there! Ugh. Why
didn’t I spring for the compact model?
213 LAUREL
Okay. Looks like we lost him for now, but keep low to
the ground until we know for sure.
214 CONNIE
Great. Know where the gym is from here?
215 LAUREL
I got GPS on. I’ll guide you.
216 CONNIE
Fuck yeah. Navigate away!
217 SOUND: CONNIE AND LAUREL ZOOM AWAY

Scene 4

218 SOUND: CONNIE AND LAUREL ZOOM IN AND LAND
219 KIRBY
Good, you’re here! Laurel, get in the gym, quick!
220 LAUREL
Right.
(KISS)
Please be safe, babe.
221 CONNIE
I will. I promise. Go.
222 SOUND: LAUREL RUNS IN
223 CONNIE
Where’s Moishe?
224 KIRBY
I got somebody to pick him up, don’t worry. But-
225 CONNIE
Good. I’m gonna go look for-
226 KIRBY
Kid, wait.
227 CONNIE
Yeah?
228 KIRBY
Every prison in the county let out.
229 CONNIE
I know, you said that.
230 KIRBY
No, I mean... Every prison.
231 CONNIE
W-...What...?
You mean that... J’harl’s out there somewhere?
232 KIRBY
Yeah. Yeah I think so. And that means you’re gonna have
to fight him.
233 CONNIE
F-... Fuck. But my training just started, I’m not ready
to-
234 KIRBY
Kid, listen. You won’t have to fight him alone. Nora’s
gonna be there, and- well uh... There’s one other
person who is definitely gonna be there, too.
235 CONNIE
Who?
236 KIRBY
You’re gonna have to team up with... Captain Valiant.
237 CONNIE
Fuck!! Really?!
238 KIRBY
I know! I know! It’s gonna suck ass, but you’re gonna
have to work with him.
241 CONNIE
Fucking- Fine. Go help Laurel set up. I’m gonna try and
find Nora.
242 KIRBY
Alright. Keep your guard up. Keep your head on a
swivel. Good luck, kid.
243 CONNIE
Don’t need it. I got you and Laurel.
244 KIRBY
God damn right.
245 SOUND: KIRBY ENTERS THE GYM
246 CONNIE
Alright... Where to start?
247 DOCTOR MENACE
How about right where we left off?!
248 SOUND: DOCTOR MENACE ZOOMS IN
249 CONNIE
Ugh. Take the hint, dude.
250 DOCTOR MENACE
Oh trust me! I’m picking up all the signals! You can’t
get enough of the Doc! Which is just fine, because we
are enemies for life!
251 CONNIE
You know what? Fine. You wanna throw down? Square up,
bitch bot.
252 DOCTOR MENACE
(CACKLING)
Now that is some battle-ass-banter! Alright then! Let’s
get ready to-!
(SNIFF SNIFF)
Ew. What the hell is that repugnant odor??
253 CONNIE
Uh. I’m pretty sure it’s you.
254 DOCTOR MENACE
No, no, this isn’t my brand.
255 CONNIE
(SNIFF)
Ugh. You’re right, what the fuck is that?
256 DOCTOR MENACE
It smells like... Raw, rotting sewage.
257 CONNIE
...Oh shit.
258 DOCTOR MENACE
I mean, well, if you want to be crass about it-
259 CONNIE
No, I mean-
260 THADDEUS
VALIANT!!!!!!
261 CONNIE
Not you too...
262 SOUND: VALIANT ZOOMS IN, PURSUED BY THADDEUS
263 CHUCK
Would you lay off?! I’ve got bigger fish to fry,
Sludge!!
264 THADDEUS
I am not a fish!! I’m sapient sewage, you imbecile!
265 CHUCK
It’s a figure of-! Oh hello, distraction.
266 SOUND: VALIANT ZOOMS UP TO CONNIE AND DOCTOR MENACE
267 CHUCK
Megatons of Fun. How are ya?
268 CONNIE
Cap, this really isn’t the time.
269 CHUCK
Oh no, I think this is the perfect time! See, I’ve got
a little sewage problem, and seeing as you’re just
barely qualified to be a plumber, I figured "Who better
to handle it than Mega-tubby!"
270 CONNIE
I’m not gonna clean up your god damn mess!
271 CHUCK
You sure are! Have fun!
272 SOUND: CHUCK ROCKETS OFF
273 CONNIE
Ugh! You suck!!
274 CHUCK
You swallow!
275 SOUND: THADDEUS STOMPS UP
276 THADDEUS
Get back here, you motherfucker!!
(SIGHS)
When I get my hands on...
Wait a second!!
277 CONNIE
Oh crap.
278 THADDEUS
Megaton Girl!!
279 CONNIE
H-Hey Thaddeus. How’s it hangin’?
280 THADDEUS
How’s it hanging?! HOW’S IT HANGING?! You disintegrated
me with dish soap!! Do you know how long it took to
reform after that?! Like two fucking hours!! And by then, I’d
been mopped up by the police and shoved into a fucking
MASON JAR!!
281 CONNIE
And uh... How was the... Mason Jar?
282 THADDEUS
CRAMPED!! REALLY FUCKING CRAMPED!!
283 CONNIE
And uh... You’re going to blame your terrible
accommodations on our prison system right?
284 THADDEUS
Yes, actually. It’s long overdue for a reform.
285 CONNIE
Ugh, tell me about it.
286 THADDEUS
Quite. ALSO YOU ROBBED ME OF MY REVENGE!!
287 DOCTOR MENACE
Ahem. "Summy Massen", mister poopy man.
(Note: He's trying to say sumimasen)
288 THADDEUS
Hm?
289 DOCTOR MENACE
I see that you seem to have beef with my arch nemesis.
290 THADDEUS
YOUR Arch Nemesis?
291 DOCTOR MENACE
Yes! My arch nemesis! Now if you’ll excuse us, we were
just about to have a fated duel that would determine
the future of the world.
292 CONNIE
Kinda overinflating things a bit there, Doc.
293 THADDEUS
Too bad, chrome dome! I’ve got revenge to exact, and
you’re not gonna stop me!
294 SOUND: THADDEUS WHIPS A TENDRIL AT CONNIE
295 THADDEUS
(ATTACK)
296 CONNIE
(STARTLED DODGE)
297 SOUND: CONNIE LEAPS INTO THE AIR
298 DOCTOR MENACE
Hey! She’s mine!!
299 SOUND: MENACE BOT PUNCHES THADDEUS IN THE FACE
300 THADDEUS
(PAIN)
Mother fucker!
301 DOCTOR MENACE
Missile barrage!!
302 SOUND: PRESSES BUTTON
303 THADDEUS
Oh no you don’t!
304 SOUND: THADDEUS TACKLES MENACE BOT
305 DOCTOR MENACE
Hey, stop! You’re getting slime on my chassis!!
306 SOUND: MISSILES FLY WILDLY
307 CONNIE
What the hell?!
(CONNIE DODGES SEVERAL MISSILES)
309 SOUND: NANOBOTS BEEP IN
311 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Alright! We’re set up in the bunker. Everything okay
out there?
312 CONNIE
Yes and no? See for yourself.
313 KIRBY
(OVER COMMS)
...Gross.
314 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Is that Thaddeus?!
315 CONNIE
Yeah he and Doc are having a pissing contest over who
gets to kill me, apparently.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
316 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
...Well... maybe they’re tire each other out?
317 CONNIE
Yeah! Good call! I’ll just bring them in once they’re
tuckered out.
318 DOCTOR MENACE
Hey. Wait wait wait! Wait a second.
319 THADDEUS
What?
320 DOCTOR MENACE
What if... Hear me out. We have a supervillain team up!
321 THADDEUS
You mean like... Kill her... Together?
322 DOCTOR MENACE
Uh-huh!
323 THADDEUS
Hm... Eh fuck it! Could be fun.
324 DOCTOR MENACE
(CACKLING)
The pact is sealed!
325 CONNIE & LAUREL & KIRBY
Shit.
326 SOUND: THADDEUS AND MENACE BOT STOMP TOWARD MEGATON GIRL
327 DOCTOR MENACE
Megaton Girl... I hope you’re ready for one hell of a
fight!
328 THADDEUS
And this time there’s no escape.
329 CONNIE
You guys sure you don’t wanna go back to beating the
snot out of each other? Cause I really liked when you were
doing that.
330 DOCTOR MENACE
No dice! Time to die! Attack!!
(CACKLING)
331 THADDEUS
(CHORTLING WICKED)
332 SOUND: THADDEUS AND MENACE BOT STOMP TOWARD MEGATON GIRL
333 SOUND: QUEEN-SIZED STEPS ON BOTH OF THEM
334 THADDEUS AND DOCTOR MENACE
(BIG PAIN GRUNT)
335 QUEEN-SIZED
Oh nuts, I think I stepped in something.
336 CONNIE
Queenie!
337 QUEEN-SIZED
Megs! Good to see you again!
338 WRANGLER
Megs?! Well whaddaya know? How ya goin’ mate?!
339 CONNIE
Better now that you two are here! But uh-... You just
stepped on two of my arch nemeses.
340 QUEEN-SIZED
Oh! Sorry fellas! Didn’t see ya down there!
341 DOCTOR MENACE
Did you hear that? Ha! She called us her arch nemeses!
342 THADDEUS
God I hate you...
343 WRANGLER
We can’t stay and chat, we’re looking for a kaiju that
broke out of its enclosure. Just stopping by for a
special delivery!
344 QUEEN-SIZED
Right! I believe you two know each other already!
345 SOUND: QUEEN-SIZED LOWERS DOWN
346 MOISHE
Thanks for the ride, Queenie!
347 QUEEN-SIZED
Any time, bud!
348 CONNIE
Moishe, you’re safe!
349 MOISHE
Safe as I can be, at least! Kind of a mess out there.
350 CONNIE
Kirb, Moishe’s here. Mind letting him in?
351 KIRBY
(OVER COMMS)
I’ll buzz him in. Tell him to come down to the bunker.
352 CONNIE
Got it. Meet Kirb and Monarch down in the gym okay!
353 MOISHE
Yes, ma’am! You be safe out there.
354 CONNIE
You too.
355 SOUND: MOISHE WALKS OVER TO THE GYM AND ENTERS
356 CONNIE
Queenie? Mind scraping Doc and Sludge off your boot
over at one of the prisons?
357 QUEEN-SIZED
Can do! And if you happen to see a Mega Mandrill
around, let me know, alright?
358 CONNIE
You got it!
359 WRANGLER
And give Kirb and your gal our best, alright?
360 CONNIE
I sure will!
361 SOUND: GLORIA STOMPS AWAY
362 THADDEUS AND DOCTOR MENACE
(A YELP OF PAIN WITH EVERY STEP)
365 CONNIE
Where to next?
366 KIRBY
(OVER COMMS)
I just got off the phone with Nora. She says to meet
her at the Mighty Oak Retirement Home. There’s somebody
you gotta meet.
367 CONNIE
Got it, I’ll be right there.
368 SOUND: CONNIE ROCKETS OFF

Scene 5

370 SOUND: THE NURSING HOME IS UNDER ATTACK
371 SOUND: RIOT
373 GENTLEMAN STEELFACE III
Come on! They can’t keep all of us out!!
375 CONNIE
Hey! You leave those old folks alone!!
(DEEP INHALE)
376 SOUND: RAPIDFIRE GUTBUSTER
378 SOUND: GUTBUSTER BLASTS IMPACT ON THE GROUND
379 SUPERVILLAINS
(YELLING AND SCATTERING)
380 CONNIE
That’s right, get the fuck out!
382 CONNIE
Is everybody alright?
383 NURSE 2
We’re fine. We’re nurses for superheroes. We handle a lot
worse during bath time.
384 SOUND: NURSE COCKS A MASSIVE LASER RIFLE
385 NURSE 2
Madame Dromeda was looking for you.
386 CONNIE
Where is she?
387 NORA
I’m here.
388 CONNIE
Oh hi Nora!
390 NORA
Just a moment! Just dealing with some-
Unwanted guests!
391 SOUND: ENERGY BALL EXPLODES, SENDING A BUNCH OF VILLAINS
SCATTERING
392 SOUND: NORA FLIES OVER TO CONNIE
393 NORA
That should keep them away for a bit.
394 CONNIE
Are you okay?
395 NORA
Don’t worry about me. We’ve got somebody to meet.
Follow me.
396 CONNIE
Right.

Scene 6

397 SOUND: CONNIE AND NORA ARE WALKING BRISKLY THROUGH THE HALLS
OF THE VILLA
398 CONNIE
Do we have any idea where J’Harl is, or what he’s up
to?
399 NORA
No. I’ve looked everywhere, even at the site of our
last fight. I think he’s waiting for us to come to him,
together.
400 CONNIE
Why? You’d think he’d want to pick us off one by one.
401 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Let’s not give him any ideas.
402 NORA
That’s not how J’Harl works. He’s a show off; a
braggart. He wants us all together so that he can prove
to everyone on and off this planet that he’s
unstoppable, no matter how many of the strongest heroes
we throw at him.
403 CONNIE
Well, we’ll just have to show him just how strong we
really are.
404 SOUND: CHUCK SWOOPS IN
405 CHUCK
Especially me.
406 CONNIE
You!
407 CHUCK
Me~.
408 CONNIE
What are you doing here?!
409 CHUCK
Same as you, little leagues.
410 CONNIE
...and what we’re doing is?
411 NORA
We’re meeting with our fourth.
412 CONNIE
...fourth?
415 SOUND: KNOCK KNOCK
416 NORA
Christopher?
417 MAGNANIMOUS
Hm? Who is it?
419 NORA
It’s Nora.
420 MAGNANIMOUS
Nora? Nora’vanth Kirby?
421 NORA
Yeah. It’s good to see you alive and well.
422 MAGNANIMOUS
And it’s good to see you too, dear. How long has it
been?
423 NORA
Far too long... I’m sorry that I haven’t visited. It’s
been... a difficult life.
424 MAGNANIMOUS
Well, you’re here now. And you’ve brought company? Are
these your kids?
425 NORA
No uh-
426 CHUCK
It is an honor to be met, sir! My name is Captain
Valiant! I’m sure you’ve heard of me, I’m kind of a big
deal.
427 MAGNANIMOUS
Ahhhhh yes. I know all about you. They say you’re the
best active duty hero.
428 CHUCK
They sure do! And I’m sure that you’ll agree with them.
429 MAGNANIMOUS
Then I look forward to seeing what you can do. Maybe
you’ll be a good candidate to succeed me one day.
430 CHUCK
You won’t be disappointed, I can assure you of that.
431 MAGNANIMOUS
And you, young lady.
432 CONNIE
Me?
433 MAGNANIMOUS
Yes, dear, what’s your name?
434 CONNIE
I’m Megaton Girl. It’s nice to meet you, mister uh...
435 CHUCK
You-... You’re kidding right??
436 CONNIE
I mean I know he’s a hero, but without the mask, I
can’t really tell. I’m sorry, who are you?
437 MAGNANIMOUS
It’s quite alright. My name is Christopher, but most
call me Magnanimous. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
438 CONNIE
You’re Magnanimous?
439 MAGNANIMOUS
Haha, last I checked.
440 CONNIE
You’re Magnanimous! He’s Magnanimous!!
441 NORA
Yes, he’s Magnanimous. Breathe.
442 CONNIE
HA- AH... AAH WHA- I-! It’s such an honor to meet you!
443 MAGNANIMOUS
Oh, please. I’m just another retiree.
444 CONNIE
But you’re THE hero! You’re the hero that every hero
wishes they could be!
445 MAGNANIMOUS
That’s high praise, far too high. But I appreciate it,
I really do. Now then. To what do I owe the pleasure?
446 CONNIE
Wait. Have you not noticed the riot going on outside??
447 MAGNANIMOUS
Hm? Oh that’s what all the ruckus is. I tend to sleep
like a log nowadays. After 70 years of active hero duty,
you’ll sleep through anything when you retire.
448 CONNIE
Sevent- H- How old are you??
449 MAGNANIMOUS
91 years young, next week!
450 CONNIE
God damn! That’s amazing!
451 NORA
We’re wasting time. We need your help, Christopher.
452 MAGNANIMOUS
What for?
453 NORA
J-
454 CHUCK
J’Harl the Conqueror has escaped and we need you to
help us kick his ass.
455 MAGNANIMOUS
...I see.
456 CHUCK
I could do it myself, but with you there, we’ll clean
up quick and finish the job this time.
457 NORA
No! I need him alive. I want him to pay for all of the
suffering he caused, but justice has to be done the
right way. He has to answer for his crimes.
458 CHUCK
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had a say in my
planet’s affairs.
459 CONNIE
Your planet??
460 CHUCK
Sure as hell ain’t yours, pudgy.
462 NORA
Valiant, he ravaged my world ten-fold worse than yours,
and he too is a citizen of Ki’ahn. He will stand trial
on our homeworld, he will be found guilty, and he will
be destroyed. Your manager, Julian, has the technology
we need to negate his power so that we can bring him in
properly!
463 CHUCK
We don’t need the power dampener! The way I see it, if
we kill him here, we’re just cutting out the middle
man.
464 NORA
That isn’t justice, you fat headed-!
465 MAGNANIMOUS
Nora, please.
466 NORA
Don’t tell me you’re taking his side!
467 MAGNANIMOUS
I’m not taking a side. J’Harl is loose, and we need to
stop him. We’re wasting time with all this arguing.
468 NORA
(SIGH)
You’re right.
469 CHUCK
So where is this guy?
470 NORA
It doesn’t matter where he is. We’re going to lure him
to us.
471 CONNIE
How?
472 NORA
With a tier 5 superhero buffet.
473 CONNIE
See, now you’re speaking my language.
474 NORA
I knew you’d appreciate that. Let’s go, everyone.
Megaton Girl, can you help Christopher out of his
chair?
475 CONNIE
Yeah sure! Wait... Are you... Gonna be able to actually
fight him??
476 MAGNANIMOUS
Oh don’t you worry. Getting up from a chair is a chore
for everyone older than 50. But once I’m up, I’m just
as sturdy as I was in my prime!
477 CONNIE
Okay! If you say so!
478 SOUND: CONNIE HELPS HIM UP
479 MAGNANIMOUS
Thank you, miss.
(INHALE AND EXHALE)
Let’s mosey.
480 CONNIE
Yes, sir!
Gonna kick ass with Magnanimous! So cool!
481 SOUND: MAGNANIMOUS AND CONNIE EXIT
482 CHUCK
For the fucking record, it’s Captain Valiant. Captain.
That means I outrank everyone.
483 NORA
Funny. Because I’m still an active duty fleet admiral.
484 CHUCK
Uh-...
485 NORA
Remind me. Who outranks whom, Valiant?
486 SOUND: NORA EXITS
487 CHUCK
(SPITS)
Bitch...
488 NORA
That’s Fleet Admiral Bitch to you.
489 CHUCK
(GROWLS)
490 SOUND: CHUCK EXITS

Scene 7

491 SOUND: THE FOUR HEROES ZOOM IN
492 CONNIE
Where are we even headed?
493 NORA
As far out to sea as we can get. I’ve already got one
several acre wide crater within the city limits, we
don’t need a second.
494 CONNIE
Uh, yeah that’d be bad. Monarch, Kirb. Can you still
hear me this far out?
495 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
The signal’s a bit weaker, and the video quality is
pretty low, but we’ve still got you.
496 KIRBY
(OVER COMMS)
We’re gonna keep you safe, kid.
497 CONNIE
I know you will. We’ve got this.
498 MOISHE
(OVER COMMS)
And if you save the world, I’m naming a sandwich after
you!
499 CONNIE
Well, shit, pressure’s on now!
Thanks, Moishe.
500 MOISHE
(OVER COMMS)
You’re welcome, dear. Now kick that big blue asshole in
the shvantz!
501 CONNIE & LAUREL AND KIRBY
[CHEERING]
502 MAGNANIMOUS
This should be far enough out.
503 SOUND: EVERYONE STOPS
504 MAGNANIMOUS
This island is completely uninhabited and should give
us some solid ground to work with.
505 NORA
Barely.
506 CHUCK
So how are we supposed to lure him out here?
507 NORA
Easy. With a beacon. On the count of three, we’re all
going to fire an energy bolt into the air, like a flare
gun.
508 CONNIE
Sounds good.
509 MAGNANIMOUS
You all ready?
510 NORA
Yes.
511 CHUCK
I’m always ready.
512 CONNIE
No, but that’s never stopped me before.
513 MAGNANIMOUS
Alright. On your count, Nora.
515 NORA
One. Two. Three!
(THROWS AN ENERGY BOLT)
516 CONNIE
(SPITS AN ENERGY BOLT)
517 CHUCK
(FIRES AN ENERGY BOLTT)
518 MAGNANIMOUS
(SPITS AN ENERGY BOLT)
519 SOUND: THE ENERGY SPIRALS INTO THE AIR AND EXPLODES LIKE
FOUR FIREWORKS
520 SOUND: J’HARL ZOOMS IN, SLOWLY, BUT WITH SO MUCH FORCE THAT
WHEN HE ARRIVES IT’S LIKE A SONIC BOOM
521 J’HARL
Well, don’t that beat all. Nora’vanth and Magnanimous
here before me, once again. Time has been less than
kind to both of you. Though you’re looking rather spry
for a dead man.
522 MAGNANIMOUS
I eat my vegetables.
523 J’HARL
(CHUCKLES)
I was hoping you’d still have a few of those quips left
in ya. I’m happier to hear them than you’d expect.
And you, Nora’vanth. I’m shocked to see you siding with
the Earthers again. Didn’t they leave you high and dry,
before? I was hoping that maybe you’d have turned on
them and joined me, by now.
524 NORA
And I was hoping they’d have sewn your lips shut.
525 J’HARL
(HMPH)
You’re as charming as ever. How is that man of
yours? I’d imagine he’s short a few vertibae after our
last little-
526 CHUCK
Are we gonna fight, or did you just come to chit-chat?
527 J’HARL
...Oh dear I’m sorry for talking while you were
interrupting. Of course, I should expect as much from
the great Captain Valiant.
528 CHUCK
Oh so you’ve heard of me?
529 J’HARL
Oh I’ve seen and heard plenty. All machismo, and not a
lick of self-awareness.
530 CHUCK
The fuck did you say about me?!
531 NORA
Calm down, Valiant.
532 CHUCK
Don’t you tell me to calm down!
533 J’HARL
Yes, Nora’vanth, the Captain is a big boy, now. Let him
stand up for himself.
534 CHUCK
Listen here, you big, dumb motherfucker. I am the hero
that is going to put you down, once and for all. So
you’d best show a little god damned respect before I
put a hole in your face!!
535 J’HARL
...Y’know, you threaten about as well as a toddler that
just learned how to cuss from his daddy.
536 CHUCK
Alright, fuck this!
537 SOUND: CHUCK LAUNCHES AT J’HARL
538 NORA
Valiant wait!
539 CONNIE
Oh shit.
540 SOUND: CHUCK SLAMS INTO J’HARL
543 SOUND: THEY START TO FIGHT
544 MAGNANIMOUS
Well, if he’s leading the charge, we may as well jump
in, too.
545 NORA
Right.
546 CONNIE
Kick it!
547 SOUND: THE THREE OF THEM LAUNCH AT J’HARL AND BEGIN TRADING
BLOWS
548 J’HARL
What do you know? I might actually have to work for
this one!
(BIG SWEEPING STRIKE)
549 CONNIE & CHUCK & NORA AND MAGNANIMOUS
(PAIN REACT)
550 SOUND: EVERYONE IS SENT FLYING
551 SOUND: EVERYONE RECOVERS
552 CONNIE
Shit he’s strong!
553 NORA
Christopher and I will get up close! Megaton Girl!
Valiant! Hit him from a distance!
554 CONNIE
Got it!
555 CHUCK
Don’t tell me what to do!
556 SOUND: CHUCK DIVES BACK IN
558 MAGNANIMOUS
I’ll help.
559 SOUND: MAGNANIMOUS LEAPS IN
561 NORA
Ugh. You and me, then.
562 CONNIE
Right. Monarch, gonna need a little help with
targeting.
563 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS
Already on it.
564 SOUND: NANOBOTS WHIRR
565 NORA
Light him up!!
566 CONNIE
Eat shit, asshole!
(DEEP INHALE)
567 SOUND: NORA AND CONNIE CHARGE UP THEIR LASERS
568 NORA
571 SOUND: ENERGY BOLTS HIT J’HARL AND CHUCK
572 J’HARL
(GRUNT)
573 CHUCK
(GRUNT)
Hey watch it, you clumsy bitch!!
574 CONNIE
I didn’t even hit you!
575 NORA
It was me! Start listening and stop trying to be a
hero!
576 CHUCK
I am a god damned hero!
577 J’HARL
And you’re gonna die like one too!!
(BIG PUNCH)
578 CHUCK
(GRUNT OF PAIN)
579 SOUND: CHUCK GOES FLYING AND HITS THE WATER
580 J’HARL
An arrogant bastard...
(PUNCH)
581 MAGNANIMOUS
(KNOCKED BACK)
582 NORA
Christopher!
583 SOUND: MAGNANIMOUS HITS THE DIRT
584 J’HARL
An old fool, past his prime...
585 SOUND: J’HARL ZOOMS UP TO NORA
586 NORA
(STARTLED)
(PUNCH)
587 J’HARL
(GUT PUNCH)
589 SOUND: GUT PUNCH HAPPENS
590 CONNIE
Nora!
591 SOUND: NORA HITS THE DIRT
592 J’HARL
A treasonous piece of filth...
593 SOUND: J’HARL ZOOMS UP TO CONNIE
594 CONNIE
(STARTLED)
595 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
(STARTLED)
596 J’HARL
And you. I don’t know you.
597 CONNIE
I- I’m Megaton Girl! And- I’m... Your worst nightmare!!
598 J’HARL
(LAUGH)
Oh, dear. How long have you been at this?
599 CONNIE
Why do you care?
600 J’HARL
You’re in over your head, greenhorn!
(BACKHAND)
601 CONNIE
(GRUNT)
602 SOUND: CONNIE GOES FLYING AND HITS THE DIRT
603 J’HARL
Come on, now! This is the best that you’ve got?!
604 CONNIE
(GRUNTS AS SHE TRIES TO STAND)
605 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Are you okay?!
606 CONNIE
Yeah... I think... That really hurt...
607 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
You’ve got a cracked rib!
609 KIRBY
(OVER COMMS)
Shit he’s gotten even stronger. He’s barely trying and
he’s already overpowering your super durability.
610 CONNIE
I uh... I think I noticed that
611 SOUND: J’HARL ZOOMS IN
612 J’HARL
Y’know,
613 CONNIE
(STARTLED)
614 J’HARL
I’d like to spend a little time getting to know you.
SOUND: THEY TRADE BLOWS
619 J’HARL
I know Christopher. I know Nora. And I don’t need a
conversation to know the Captain. Tell me a bit about
you.
620 CONNIE
(STANDING UP)
How about EAT MY WHOLE ASS?!
(PUNCH)
621 J’HARL
My, you’ve just got no class at all do you?
(PUNCH)
622 CONNIE
(FACE PUNCH)
(STUMBLE)
623 KIRBY
(OVER COMMS)
Guard up!!
624 J’HARL
I hear a familiar voice coming from somewhere inside
your belly. Nanobots I assume.
625 CONNIE
How the hell can you-?
626 J’HARL
So tell me. Is that my old friend The Crimson Phantom?
627 CONNIE
And what if it is?!
628 J’HARL
Well if it is, I just want him to know that after I
kill you and your three compatriots, I am going to come
for him. And I am going to make sure that the rest of
his life is filled with ten hells greater than the
fifty long years he sentenced me to.
629 CONNIE
You leave him out of this!!
630 SOUND: PUNCH
631 J’HARL
(GRUNTS)
How many times have I heard that one before?
632 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Dodge! Counter punch!
636 J’HARL
That one had some pepper to it!
637 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Left hook! Right hook, aim for the jaw! Into the air!
638 J’HARL
(KICK)
639 CONNIE
(DODGES INTO THE AIR)
640 J’HARL
Well now! You’ve got one hell of a strategist!
(LEAP)
641 CONNIE
Leave her out of this you piece of shit!!
(BIG PUNCH)
642 SOUND: SOLID PUNCH
643 J’HARL
(GRUNTS BUT IS UNPHASED)
Oh so you two must be real close.
644 CONNIE
Shut up!!
(BIG PUNCH)
645 J’HARL
(BIGGER GRINT)
Must be an old friend.
646 CONNIE
(BIG BIG PUNCH)
647 J’HARL
(BIG GRUNT)
Or a lover.
(CHUCKLES)
648 CONNIE
I said SHUT! UP!
649 SOUND: GUTBUSTER BLAST FIRES
650 J’HARL
(OUCH)
Yup. Definitely a lover.
652 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Don’t let him get in your head! He wants you to get mad
so you’ll make mistakes!
653 CONNIE
Well it’s definitely working...
654 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Then stop listening to him and listen to me. Focus on
my voice.
655 CONNIE
(CATCHING BREATH)
Right.
656 J’HARL
Maybe I’ll let you live for a while after I’ve broken
you.
(SWINGING STRIKE)
657 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Dodge!
658 CONNIE
(DODGE)
659 J’HARL
I’ll drag your limp, half dead body to where ever she’s
hiding.
(BIG SWING)
660 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Duck and right hook!
661 CONNIE
(DUCK AND RIGHT HOOK)
662 J’HARL
(GRUNT)
And I’ll make sure that she dies in agony while you
watch!
663 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Flash bang and run!
664 CONNIE
(SPITS AN ENERGY BOLT)
665 J’HARL
(HIT IN THE FACE)
666 CONNIE
(LEAPS INTO THE AIR)
667 J’HARL
Oh you sneaky little...
(LEAPS INTO THE AIR)
668 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Get some altitude!
669 CONNIE
Right!
670 J’HARL
Get back here and fight!!
671 MAGNINIMOUS
How about you take a dip instead!
(FIRES AN ENERGY BOLT)
672 J’HARL
Huh?!
(BIG GRUNTS AND GOES FLYING)
673 SOUND: ENERGY BOLT HITS J’HARL AND HE HITS THE WATER
674 SOUND: NORA AND MAGNANIMOUS ARRIVE
675 NORA
Megaton Girl.
676 MAGNANIMOUS
Are you alright?
677 CONNIE
I’m hurt, but I’m alive. Where’s Valiant?
678 SOUND: CHUCK ARRIVES
679 CHUCK
Here. Just catching my breath.
680 NORA
We’re gonna have to hit him with the strongest blasts
that we can muster.
681 CONNIE
Is that gonna be enough?
682 NORA
Between the four of us, it will. Christopher’s
most powerful attack was enough to weaken him last time.
The four of us together will be far too much for him.
683 CHUCK
Oh please, I can hit him with enough power for all four
of us! Watch and learn!
684 SOUND: CHUCK SPEEDS OFF
685 NORA
Fuck. Start charging your energy, now.
689 SOUND: J’HARL BURSTS OUT OF THE WATER
690 J’HARL
I see you s till hit as hard as you ever did.
691 CHUCK
Wait til you see how hard I hit!!
(RAH!!)
692 SOUND: OPTIC LASERS, BIG
693 J’HARL
(GRUNT, STRAINING)
(LAUGHING, STILL STRAINING)
Hit me all you want! You can’t beat me and you never
will!!
694 CONNIE
How about all of us?!
695 J’HARL
What?!
696 CONNIE
Smile you son of a bastard!!
(DEEP INHALE)
697 SOUND: ALL THREE OF THEM FIRE THEIR MOST POWERFUL ENERGY
698 CONNIE
(BIG GUTBUSTER YELL)
699 NORA
(KAMEHAMEHA)
700 MAGNANIMOUS
(BREATHING A LASER)
701 J’HARL
What the f-
(BIG PAIN)
702 SOUND: LASERS IMPACT WITH J’HARL
704 NORA
Keep it up!!
705 SOUND: THE BLAST CONTINUES
706 J’HARL
(STRAINING TURNS INTO A BIG PAINED YELL)
707 SOUND: ONE BY ONE THE LASERS STOP
708 CONNIE & NORA & MAGNANIMOUS & CHUCK
(CATCHING BREATH)
709 CONNIE
(EXHAUSTED)
Did we do it?
710 CHUCK
(CATCHING BREATH)
Of course we did. Even he couldn’t have survived that!
711 J’HARL
You think so?
712 CHUCK
What?!
713 NORA
How...
714 CONNIE
Oh fuck...
715 J’HARL
(EXHAUSTED)
You done did it now... You went and pissed me the hell
off... Well if you want a light show... How about I
show you mine!!
(DEEP INHALE)
716 NORA
Shit! EVERYBODY MOVE!!
717 SOUND: EVERYBODY SCATTERS
718 J’HARL
(SCREAMING LASER BREATH)
719 SOUND: ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE LASER
720 CONNIE & CHUCK & NORA AND MAGNANIMOUS
(BIG PAIN)
721 SOUND: LASER HITS ALL FOUR OF THEM, SLAMMING ALL OF THEM
INTO THE GROUND
722 SOUND: THE DUST SETTLES
723 J’HARL
(EXHAUSTED)
I’m quite finished.
724 CONNIE & CHUCK & NORA AND MAGNANIMOUS
(EXHAUSTED AND CATCHING THEIR BREATH)
725 J’HARL
Now I’m gonna kill all four of you, nice and quick.
Starting with the most obnoxious of all of you.
Captain. Valiant
726 SOUND: J’HARL WALKS UP TO VALIANT
727 CHUCK
(STRUGGLING)
728 J’HARL
I may hate Christopher and Nora’vanth for everything
that they put me through. But you, Captain? You piss me
off more than anything. You parade around, playing the
hero. But you’re nothing more than an arrogant buffoon
looking for glory, gluttony and fortune. You’d make a
far better villain than a hero.
729 CHUCK
You sh-sh... shut up!! I am THE hero!!
730 J’HARL
I’d say it isn’t too late for a career change, but...
731 SOUND: ENERGY CHARGING
732 CONNIE
Monarch...?
733 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Yeah...?
734 CONNIE
How...
(GRUNTS IN PAIN)
How much energy do I have left?
735 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
You’ve barely started getting some back... You might be
able to use it to escape.
736 CONNIE
He’s gonna kill Valiant... I... I may hate him... But
I’m not gonna let him die...
(STANDING UP)
737 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Wh- What are you doing?
738 CONNIE
What heroes do best...
740 J’HARL
Goodbye, Captain Valiant! Nobody will remember you!!
(DEEP BREATH)
741 CONNIE
Hey, bitch!
742 J’HARL
Huh?!
743 CONNIE
I had a big cool one-liner planned, but fuck it!
(DEEP BREATH)
744 SOUND: BIG GUSTBUSTER
745 J’HARL
(BIGGEST PAIN)
746 SOUND: GUTBUSTER FADE
747 CONNIE
(SLUMPS OVER, DRAINED)
748 NORA
Megaton Girl-!
(GRUNTS IN PAIN)
750 KIRBY
(OVER COMMS)
Are you out of your mind?!
751 MOISHE
(OVER COMMS)
Come on kid...
 749 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Connie! Connie get up! Please! 
752 CONNIE
(COMPLETELY WIPED OUT)
Hey, Cap... You owe me one...
753 CHUCK
(ANGRY, TIRED, DEFEATED)
You...-
754 J’HARL
(COMPLETELY DRAINED)
Alright...
756 CONNIE
(WEAK STARTLED REACTION)
757 J’HARL
You know... you remind me a lot of Magnanimous...
758 SOUND: J’HARL GRABS HER BY THE NECK
759 CONNIE
(CHOKING)
760 J’HARL
Let’s see if you can cheat death like him, too.
761 SOUND: J’HARL STABS CONNIE
762 CONNIE
(BIG PAIN)
763 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
NO!!!!
764 CONNIE
(CAN’T CATCH BREATH)
765 J’HARL
(TOSSES HER ASIDE)
766 SOUND: CONNIE HITS THE DIRT AND TUMBLES
767 CONNIE
(GRUNTS, WRITHING, WEAKLY)
768 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
(BREAKING INTO TEARS, DEVASTATED)
Connie!! Connie!!!
769 CONNIE
Laurel...?
770 LAUREL
(OVER COMMS)
Please don’t die!! Please!! Connie!!!
(ECHOING AS SCENE FADES OUT)

Scene 8

771 SOUND: HOSPITAL AMBIENCE, INCLUDING HEART MONITOR
772 CONNIE
(STIRRING)
Wh- Wha...?
773 LAUREL
Connie??
774 CONNIE
Laurel...?
775 LAUREL
Connie!!
776 SOUND: LAUREL HUGS CONNIE
777 LAUREL
(MANY KISSES, FIGHTING TEARS)
I can’t believe it!!
778 CONNIE
(GRUNTS IN PAIN)
Ow ow! Babe-
(PAINED LAUGH)
It’s good to see you too, but ow.
779 LAUREL
(TRYING NOT TO CRY)
S-Sorry! I’m just-! I’m so glad you’re alive!
780 CONNIE
Is me being alive...
(COUGH)
A surprise?
781 LAUREL
(SNIFFS)
Y’know, it shouldn’t be a surprise. You always get back
up no matter what happens. But I was so scared.
782 CONNIE
What even happened?
783 LAUREL
Well-... You got hurt pretty bad... J’harl stabbed you
in the side and when all of your vitals went critical,
I thought...
(SNIFFS)
Well... You’re alive... And that’s what matters.
784 CONNIE
(COUGHS)
J’harl...?
(IMMEDIATELY ALERT)
Wait!! Where’s J’Harl?!
785 KIRBY
Dead.
786 CONNIE
Wh-
787 KIRBY
Chuck killed him while he was distracted by you. Blew
his damn head off with a point blank energy attack.
788 CONNIE
So-... We won?
789 KIRBY
Yeah... Yeah ya did...
790 CONNIE
Where’s Nora?
791 KIRBY
Nora’s back at her hideout. She’s... well... Pissed.
She wanted justice, and in her opinion, what she got
was a murder.
792 CONNIE
(SIGH)
Damn it.
793 KIRBY
But this time, she’s just pissed at Chuck and Julian,
it sounds like. If they’d listened and brought the
power dampener, you could have just brought him in and
easily could have handed him over to Nora. But... Of
course, they’d fuck that all up.
794 LAUREL
And now Chuck’s being celebrated as “the hero who saved
the heroes.” He’s taken full credit, of fucking course.
795 CONNIE
(FIGHTING BACK TEARS)
That mother fucker... I saved his life, twice now, and
he still pulls this.
796 KIRBY
That’s how he is. There’s no changing people like him.
All he’s ever cared about is getting the gold.
797 CONNIE
I hate him so much...
(A BEAT, SNIFF)
Fuck... Well... How’s Moishe?
798 KIRBY
He’s making good on a promise.
799 CONNIE
Promise?
800 KIRBY
He’s working on adding the Megaton Sandwich to the
menu.
801 CONNIE
(WEAK CHUCKLE)
Hell yeah. Any idea what it’s gonna be?
802 KIRBY
He said he was gonna experiment with a spicy Reuben.
Maybe make it one of those eating challenges.
803 CONNIE
I am so taking that challenge. But what about
Magnanimous? Is he okay?
804 SOUND: MAGNANIMOUS WALKS IN
805 MAGNANIMOUS
As well as I can be, miss.
806 LAUREL
Ma-Magnanimous?!
807 CONNIE
AH! CRAP! Uh! Megatom Girl? Yeah I heard she’s pretty
coo-
808 KIRBY
Your mask is on your face it's fine.
809 CONNIE
(WHEW)
Oh thank fuck.
810 MAGNANIMOUS
And even then, your secret would be safe with me. You
really handled yourself well. I’m beyond impressed.
811 CONNIE
Th-Thank you! I was beyond terrified the whole time.
812 MAGNANIMOUS
Well, that’s the mark of real hero. You stood your
ground, anyway.
813 CONNIE
(HEH)
She said something pretty close to that, too.
814 MAGNANIMOUS
Oh did she now?
815 LAUREL
(EEP! NERVOUS!)
I- Uh!
816 MAGNANIMOUS
Then you’ve got the makings of a great hero, too.
817 LAUREL
(BREATHLESS, DIZZY ABOUT TO FAINT)
Magnanimous c-called me... he-her-herohhhhhhhhh.
818 KIRBY
Sorry, they’re both kinda... Fans.
819 MAGNANIMOUS
(CHUCKLES)
It’s quite alright. I appreciate it. Would you mind if I had a moment alone
with Megaton Girl?
820 LAUREL
N-Not at all!
821 KIRBY
Yeah, we’ll be outside. Want me to grab you a snack
from the cafeteria, Megs?
822 CONNIE
Uhhhh can you see if they have like lime jello?
And like a lot of it?
823 KIRBY
You got it.
824 LAUREL
See you in a bit, hon!
825 SOUND: THEY EXIT AND CLOSE THE DOOR
826 CONNIE
What’s up?
827 MAGNANIMOUS
Kirby tells me that you’re pretty new.
828 CONNIE
Yeah, I’ve been at this for a little over a couple
months, tops.
829 MAGNANIMOUS
And you’ve already helped to stop one of the biggest
threats in the known universe.
830 CONNIE
But then he almost killed me... I kinda failed.
831 MAGNANIMOUS
Failed? If it wasn’t for your attack, Captain Valiant
might not have had the opening he needed. He might not
have stopped him at all.
Kirby also tells me that you and Captain Valiant don’t
exactly get along.
834 CONNIE
I’m gonna be real: I hate that dude.
835 MAGNANIMOUS
I’m sure. Like I said earlier: I know all about him. I
wanted to see if he could prove my impressions of him
to be false, but well... Let’s say that I’m less than
impressed.
836 CONNIE
(LAUGHS)
It's nice to hear somebody else think so.
837 MAGNANIMOUS
And that’s where you impress me most.
838 CONNIE
What?
839 MAGNANIMOUS
It takes a hero to stand up and defend the people they
love. But it takes something more to save somebody who
they utterly loathe. You saved the life of somebody who
probably would not have done the same for you. And
that’s something I can truly admire.
840 CONNIE
I’m-... For once kinda speechless.
841 MAGNANIMOUS
(CHUCKLES)
Well, I have a question to ask, then.
842 CONNIE
Hit me.
843 MAGNANIMOUS
You’ve been training with some of Kirby’s old friends,
have you not?
844 CONNIE
A few of them. He said that a lot of them don’t want to
work with him anymore...
845 MAGNANIMOUS
Which is sad to hear. It’s a shame that rumors have
turned so many of his old friends away.
You know, Kirby and I used to work together all the
time.
846 CONNIE
Heh, he made it sound like you two butted heads a lot.
847 MAGNANIMOUS
Like you wouldn’t believe!
(BELLY LAUGH)
(COUGHS)
848 CONNIE
Woah, you okay?
849 MAGNANIMOUS
(COUGHING CLEARS A BIT)
Yes yes, I’ll be alright.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Now then. I have a proposal.
850 CONNIE
What’s that?
851 MAGNANIMOUS
How would you like a little training session with me.
852 CONNIE
Wh- Wh-... With you?!
853 MAGNANIMOUS
Of course. I’m an old friend of Kirby’s, and I’d like
to train you. What do you say?
854 CONNIE
I- I’d be honored!
855 MAGNANIMOUS
Then in that case, I humbly accept you as my pupil.
856 CONNIE
That’s amazing! Thank you! When can we start? I can
start any time! Like now!
865 MAGNANIMOUS
Don’t worry. As soon as you recover, I’ll be ready to
teach you.
866 CONNIE
Alright. I’m gonna be looking forward to it like crazy!
867 MAGNANIMOUS
I will be awaiting as well. Now if you two will excuse
me, I should get back to the home.
868 CONNIE
Okay! I’ll meet you there when I recover.
869 MAGNANIMOUS
Sounds like a plan. Get well soon.
870 CONNIE
Thanks!
871 SOUND: MAGNANIMOUS WALKS OUT
872 SOUND: LAUREL AND KIRBY RETURN
873 KIRBY
It’s your lucky day, kid. This was their last lime
jello.
874 CONNIE
Awesome!
875 LAUREL
Here ya go, hon.
876 CONNIE
Thank you!
(KISS)
877 SOUND: SHE TAKES A BITE of the JELLO
878 CONNIE
You may wanna sit down, babe! I’ve got some exciting
news to tell you!

Scene 9

879 CHUCK
(SIGH)
880 SOUND: CHUCK DOWNS A SCOTCH
881 CHUCK
(DRINKS VERY BITING ALCOHOL)
883 SOUND: KNOCK AT THE DOOR
884 CHUCK
No visitors.
885 SOUND: THE DOOR UNLOCKS
886 JULIAN
Too bad.
887 CHUCK
What do you want.
888 JULIAN
I want to offer you my sincere congratulations,
Charles.
889 CHUCK
Sure. Whatever.
890 JULIAN
Whatever? You’re number one again. The hero that saved
not only the world, but also Magnanimous. Who stood
tall where Megaton Girl failed and delivered the
killing blow to one of the most dangerous criminals in
the known universe. They’ll be singing your praises for
years.
891 CHUCK
I don’t care.
892 JULIAN
What more could you want?
893 CHUCK
You told me that by doing this that I would get
Magnanimous’ blessing. Without it, I’m only number one
in today’s headlines. He’ll still always be known as
the greatest hero of all time, and in the history books
I’ll always be second best. What’s worse is that after
all of this was said and done, when I talked to him...
he told me that “I could learn a thing or two from
Megaron Girl.” Megaton Girl!!
894 SOUND: HE THROWS THE GLASS AGAINST THE WALL, SHATTERING IT
895 CHUCK
For all I know, she’s getting the blessing that I have
worked my ass off for, for my entire career!! This all
backfired and it’s all your fault!!!
896 JULIAN
...Are you quite finished?
This isn’t my fault. It’s yours. It was up to you to
leave an impression on Magnanimous, and the impression
you left was that of an arrogant showboater. And let’s
face it, that isn’t far from the truth.
899 CHUCK
Keep talking like that, and I’ll melt a hole straight
through your face.
900 JULIAN
Oh please, that threat’s just as stale as the first
twenty times you’ve used it.
901 SOUND: JULIAN LIGHTS A CIGARETTE
902 JULIAN
(TAKES A DRAG)
903 CHUCK
You know I hate it when you smoke in here.
904 JULIAN
Shut the fuck up, Charles.
905 CHUCK
(GROWL)
906 JULIAN
If you’re that upset about Megaton Girl stealing your
blessing, then we could always fall back on a tried and
true solution.
907 CHUCK
...We get rid of her.
908 JULIAN
Precisely.
909 CHUCK
How do we do it? I’d love to wring her neck myself.
910 JULIAN
No need to get your hands dirty. I’ve got a guy.
911 CHUCK
Who? Who besides me is strong enough to kill her?
912 JULIAN
Oh it doesn’t matter how strong they are. Because we’re
going to bring her down to their level. She will die
powerless and begging for her life.
913 CHUCK
(CHUCKLES)
That’ll make a great cover page.
(CHUCKLE TURNS INTO A FULL BLOWN EVIL GUFFAW)

CREDITS

Scene 10

914 SOUND: COMMS BEEP
915 NORA
William.
916 KIRBY
Nora.
917 NORA
What do you need?
918 KIRBY
I just wanna talk.
919 NORA
...about?
920 KIRBY
How are you feeling?
921 NORA
Conflicted.
922 KIRBY
Can I help?
923 NORA
Probably not. I’m still pissed at you.
924 KIRBY
I figured. But I can still lend an ear.
925 NORA
Very well.
I am... furious at yet another utter bastardization of
justice. J’Harl should have been brought into custody,
but Valiant and Julian Reinbach robbed us of any
opportunity to do that. I wanted him to stand trial,
and face his crimes. And if he’d been sentenced to
death, then so be it. But... On the other hand... I am
relieved that J’Harl can’t hurt anyone ever again. I
don’t know what I feel more.
928 KIRBY
I’m pretty pissed too. Heroes shouldn’t deal in death.
929 NORA
On this we are in agreement.
930 KIRBY
What’s gonna happen now?
931 NORA
I have to get back to the fleet soon. I was hoping to
get another lesson or two in for Megaton Girl before
that, but with her incapacitated, I don’t think that
will happen before I have to leave.
932 KIRBY
Will you be back to train her some more at some point?
933 NORA
I plan on it. She’s far from complete.
934 KIRBY
Well, you’ll be happy to know that after she recovers,
Christopher is going to be giving her a lesson.
935 NORA
She’d best pay attention, then.
936 KIRBY
...Say uh...
937 NORA
Yes?
938 KIRBY
Would you maybe want to... Get a coffee sometime? For
old times sake?
939 NORA
I’m not getting back together with you, William.
940 KIRBY
And I don’t want to. That chapter’s long been closed.
But... I’d still like to try and be friends again. I
don’t want us to live out what’s left of our lives
hating each other. What do you say?
941 NORA
...One coffee. You’re paying.
942 KIRBY
Of course.
943 NORA
Mostly because I have no Earther money, so...
944 KIRBY
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, I gotcha. Tomorrow morning at Moishe’s?
945 NORA
Yea, that works.
946 KIRBY
Great. I’ll see you there.
947 NORA
Goodbye, William.
948 KIRBY
See ya, Nora.
949 SOUND: THEY BOTH HANG UP
950 NARRATOR
Next episode: WEIGHT OF THE WORLD