Behind the Breakthrough

Why Happiness is a Choice w/ Cindy Ertman

March 10, 2020 Industry Syndicate Episode 6
Behind the Breakthrough
Why Happiness is a Choice w/ Cindy Ertman
Chapters
Behind the Breakthrough
Why Happiness is a Choice w/ Cindy Ertman
Mar 10, 2020 Episode 6
Industry Syndicate

Cindy Ertman is a 32 year veteran in the mortgage industry. She's known today as one of the most successful, most inspiring mortgage industry leaders, and she's earned every bit of it.

This week, Cindy gets very vulnerable about her journey from obscurity to top producer, and the battles she had to fight, both externally and internally. Cindy explains how being happy is nothing more than a choice, so why not choose happiness? Cindy says that in order to know where we want to go, we must reflect on where we've been.

Host Megan Anderson and Cindy Ertman also talk about a few techniques you can use to consciously and intentionally act without emotion to reach the goals we're seeking.

*Behind the Breakthrough is an Industry Syndicate Original podcast, the first and only podcast network for the real estate and mortgage industry.
 
 --
 Looking for the best podcasts for Real Estate Agents and Mortgage Loan Officers?
 
 Download the new Industry Syndicate mobile app:
 iPhone: http://bit.ly/SyndicateApple
Android: http://bit.ly/SyndicateGoogle

--
Connect w/ Megan Anderson on social media:
Instagram
Facebook
LinkedIn 

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 Follow the Industry Syndicate on social media:
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ⓒ 2020 Industry Syndicate podcast network


Show Notes Transcript

Cindy Ertman is a 32 year veteran in the mortgage industry. She's known today as one of the most successful, most inspiring mortgage industry leaders, and she's earned every bit of it.

This week, Cindy gets very vulnerable about her journey from obscurity to top producer, and the battles she had to fight, both externally and internally. Cindy explains how being happy is nothing more than a choice, so why not choose happiness? Cindy says that in order to know where we want to go, we must reflect on where we've been.

Host Megan Anderson and Cindy Ertman also talk about a few techniques you can use to consciously and intentionally act without emotion to reach the goals we're seeking.

*Behind the Breakthrough is an Industry Syndicate Original podcast, the first and only podcast network for the real estate and mortgage industry.
 
 --
 Looking for the best podcasts for Real Estate Agents and Mortgage Loan Officers?
 
 Download the new Industry Syndicate mobile app:
 iPhone: http://bit.ly/SyndicateApple
Android: http://bit.ly/SyndicateGoogle

--
Connect w/ Megan Anderson on social media:
Instagram
Facebook
LinkedIn 

--
 Follow the Industry Syndicate on social media:
 Instagram
Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn

ⓒ 2020 Industry Syndicate podcast network


spk_0:   0:03
welcome to behind the breakthrough with your host, Megan Anderson, the podcast where we tell the stories of today's leaders before they were leaders. The struggles doubts, fears and insecurities they had to overcome in order to reach their current level of success. Let's go ahead. Let's break through behind The breakthrough is an industry syndicate. Original podcast industry syndicate is the first podcast network for the real estate in mortgage industry. Go get the completely free industry syndicate podcast app right now from the APP Store or Google play, welcome to another episode of Behind the breakthrough are your host, Megan Anderson, and this week's guest is Cindy Hartman. She is one of the most inspiring females within the mortgage and real estate Rome, and you're not going to wanna miss this episode. We talk about how happiness is a choice and how we need to reflect upon our life to know where were wanting to go and the fears that are holding us back. We talked about how to break through those fears, and one of my favorite things we talk about in this episode is so many of us have been sucking a relationship or just any situation that is no longer serving us. Well, Cindy enlightens us on a conversation technique that we can use toe ultimately step out of emotion and step into responding in a way that gets us to that end Goal. You're not gonna want to miss this episode. Let's go ahead and let's break through. Today we have the definition of boss babe in the house. We have Cindy Erdman joining us. And you know, I really look up to you, Cindy. I'm really thankful that you're taking time to be on this podcast. I think there's a lot to learn from you and I. I want this podcast have very much a female influence in a female voice on it because it tends to get a little bit drowned it out in this face. So for the listeners that are listening right now, that maybe have never heard of you, even though they should Can you tell us a little bit about who's in the Europe minutes?

spk_1:   2:40
Well, first of all, Megan, thanks for having me of the guests as a guest. I'm really excited to be here with you and your audience today. You know, I have a 32 year background in the mortgage industry and, you know, really feel incredibly blessed that early on I just decided I didn't need to reinvent success. So I just saw it sort of the greatest masters in our industry nationally and just invested in myself, kind of right out of the gate. So I decided that I was just going to go find who the Masters were. I made it an intentional choice to go meet people independently and individually at conferences and to be able to learn what they were doing and just sort of, you know, mimic what they did. So fortunately that you know through a lot of a lot of hard work, clearly and a lot of adversity and all the things we go through in building a career, you know, built my business to my highlight your of mortgage success to 200 million in personal production. I was in the top 100 originators in the US for over a decade, and, you know, one of my greatest doors have been the award I've gotten in the last five years, which is being recognized as one of the 100 most influential mortgage executives in America, and that spoke to me because it's more about showing up in helping others grow. And that's really my passion. So

spk_0:   3:58
I love that I love about so much. When did you start? Let's get into, like, the beginning days. What were you doing before mortgages? And when did this, like shift into the mortgage realm happen? Well, as most

spk_1:   4:11
mortgage professionals, we don't go to college, you know, out to be a mortgage professional and I'm no different. I I actually got my degree in, uh, public relations and communication, and I really wanted I was passionate about marketing. I'm still passionate about marketing today, but it definitely didn't go the path as I thought it would go. So I started right out of the gate. I had a journalism job and I sat in a little room with the typewriter, and it was I just realized that I'm a people person and I love being around the energy, and I was not one that's just gonna sit behind a desk in a little room. So, um, I decided my last year of college to get my real estate license because I only have one take class to take, got my real estate license and finally decided I should try my hand at real estate. I did that for three years and was somewhat successful, but I didn't love it. You know, I I liked it, but I didn't love it. And I kept holding out for this big marketing job. So there was a real estate development company in our town, and I knew the two owners, and I said, Look, when you guys ready to hire me, you know, to run your marketing department, I'm all in. So they eventually called me and brought me on board and stuck me in a new housing tract as a realtor, which I was not terribly happy about. But I also ran a lot of their marketing initiatives, and as my luck would have it, they ultimately joined forces, which Baltar savings alone out of Beverly Hills and became the largest department development company in the state of California. On they moved to Beverly Hills, and I felt like the Beverly Hillbillies. I was well slept in this big city, living with all these important people, and I got uncomfortable very, very quickly. I transitioned ultimately in the land acquisition and got involved in launching big projects for them. Presenting the City Council's getting projects approved, going through all the approval processes and taking a clear through to marketing and Lise up. And it was incredible, you know? And then we would sell our units and syndication and I was flying around on leer jets with all these investment bankers, and I have no idea what hit me. But it was really the perfect setup for the mortgage industry because I had to get so, you know, outside my comfort zone with everything that I did. You know, the SNL industry eventually collapsed, and then I was left. One. What do I do next on? One of my girlfriends said, You know, this thing called mortgage originations best kept secret, and I think you'd be amazing. And I think you should check it out. And I research the number one lone center in Southern California, which was counted for the federal savings in Brentwood, California And the rest is history. So see

spk_0:   6:48
how you were kind of forced into this Now what kind of happened when you started in the mortgage space? Do you feel like you had a complete kind of understanding since you came from that background a little bit or was everything. You know,

spk_1:   7:05
I didn't come from mortgage. It also, I came from a little bit of development for sure, but I didn't know anything about the more rich world. And this was another thing. It was really the school of hard knocks in a very real way because we got two weeks of training and I remember, and because I work for a bank, we were given offices we could call on. I didn't have all of l A to call on. I was given four real estate offices and they all four were closed to mortgage people, meaning I couldn't just walk in the door and go meet agents. So and no one gave me a playbook. So I had to become very creative because I knew nobody in L. A. I hadn't lived here very long. I had no idea how I was gonna get to these people. And so I literally had to just get creative. I would do things like, you know, print flyers about a product. Your program I would pull into the real estate office parking lot. I would put my rear view mirror to see their back door, which is where the Realtors went in and out. I would wait till someone walked out. I would jump out of my car and pretend to bump into the, you know, like seriously, like, this was one of my marketing strategies. It

spk_0:   8:11
didn't work.

spk_1:   8:13
Oh, it absolutely worked like open houses. Became my best friend because my way to be able to connect with people one on one and then I came up with this system right out of the gate single. I need a touch point campaign. So I'd put together, like this six week Touch point campaign that after I would meet them, I go back to my office and I brought him a hand written note every Friday. I would send him like a book or, you know, some court sort of contact. And ultimately, you know, relationships began to form. I do get very fortunate. I landed a very big fish early on. Uh, originally, I told him that we were not a fit because he was just really brutal on me. And then he ultimately came back and said, Look like I called him out on all of the stuff and he came back and said, Look, I really want to give this a shot. Come to my open house on Sunday and I'll give you the first deal because you're cute. And after that, you better be good. So he sold the house of the open house. I did not. You know how to use my HP 12 c but figured it out, did alone for an attorney, and, uh, that that realtor became literally responsible for, you know, 100 band and income my first couple of years and really got on. So I was very grateful. Only takes that one key relationship to begin the boat business.

spk_0:   9:28
Mm hmm. And when did you move? Thio? California.

spk_1:   9:32
I've lived in California my whole life, born and raised as a California girl. So I was raised Redlands, California, Uh, which is about an hour and 1/2 east of Los Angeles. And my dad was vice president, University of Redlands and the mayor of my town. So I was always Jack Annie's daughter.

spk_0:   9:51
Yeah. Yeah. When did you move to L A. Well, how old were you when you got in the mortgage? space. Like, when was this shift? I mean, I was

spk_1:   9:59
in my probably by that time. I was mid twenties, you know, and it was a long time ago, but I I just you know, this industry is, you know, like it either you know, you love it or you hate it, right, And it's like one of those things were got into my blood and I really started to see the difference that this made in people's lives. I think I really wrap my arms around the fact that this wasn't just like a lucrative profession, but this was the relationship business, and we were making a really big difference and that I just really leaned into that philosophy of I'm really here to help and serve you. And I can help you make a difference in your own life. And just that, you know, that continued to serve me as I began to evolve. I only stayed working for a bank for a year and then broke out, became a sales manager for a mortgage brokerage company on I was there for eight years and then moved to a company called Platinum Capital, which I became a partner in and was partners in that business until we plugged in to our P A mortgage in the beginning of 2007 and that was out of sheer necessity. We were a little tiny mortgage bank with no ability to survive the financial crisis. So we plugged into RPM mortgage and my partner, Brett and I then built Southern California for them under their brand and took our, you know, one ranch to 20 branches. Um, I've been running our branch for 20 years. In Manhattan Beach, we had 32 ellos, a branch of 65 people and then my partner, and I hope runs Southern California until for 10 years on. And then my passion has for many years. I was on the faculty alone. Toolbox, which was started by Tim Brahim, and I was on the faculty of Long Toolbox for 17 years, teaching coaching training under that label. And I just have this passion for helping originators be successful, teaching them some of my strategies and how I built and grew my business. You know how to overcome the adversity that we all go through in this business because it's not for the faint of heart and then, ultimately, five and 1/2 years ago resigned from all my big leadership in mucky muck positions and launch my own coaching and training company. And now I spend, um, every waking hour, really helping people grow and lean into their own greatest gifts. Um, I get to live my passion every day, so I feel very grateful.

spk_0:   12:21
What were some of the thoughts that were going through your mind when you were leaving thes highly titled Positions to start coaching like what was going through your head?

spk_1:   12:33
You know, Megan, that's that's really a big question, because I prepared mentally form, you know, a long time because I knew that I was clearly identified with my executive vice president bowls and being on the executive management team. And we get very defined, you know, by our roles, and I have a very big role in our company. And even though I prepared for it mentally, it was rough. I wrote a blawg called in the Hallway of Uncertainty right after I left. I mean within days, and it was such from a hard even though I had prepared for this transition, it was something I really wanted to D'oh! But it was tough because suddenly I was a leader with nobody to lead. And it was such a leap of faith. I walked away from a lot of money and a lot of security toe having absolutely none. But I came home one day from work and true story. I sat down on the couch and it was like a voice said to me, If not now when

spk_0:   13:37
Mmm mmm mmm mmm.

spk_1:   13:39
And I just thought, you know how many people have that little voice in their head? They're carrying it around that they have this purpose in this passion, but we really never listen to it because we're so in our data day life. But I just made a decision that I did not want to be that person laying on my deathbed, looking back and going. I wish I would have done that. I believe in living my life with no regrets and, you know, showing up and playing full out. And I made a decision in a day to put together a plan to protect the branch, protect the company and to transition out of my role as mortgage leader to become mortgage coach, and, uh, it's still very scary every day when you're totally independent in the total entrepreneur. And how do you scale your business and lots of fear that I have to bust through on a daily basis. But, um, I can tell you five and 1/2 years later, I made the right decision at the right time. And now you know, I'm helping two of my clients right now. We're building coaching and training cos I'm helping them structure and develop that because I don't do that now. So it's I feel really blessed. But I can tell you that was not an easy time. It was mentally, emotionally and took a lot of preparation and a lot of fortitude to work through those days where you want to run back to safety.

spk_0:   15:00
Yeah, it's so easy to get stuck in that kind of security blanket. It takes so much to just have that full faith that it's going to work out. Do you think that there was, you know, certain things that allowed you to have that faith that it was gonna work out? Do you think it was just this unknown burning passion that you had that you wanted to fulfill. What kind of allowed you to make that jump?

spk_1:   15:28
Well, in 2006 I was at a mortgage conference in Las Vegas, and one of the speakers was Jack Canfield. Jack co wrote all the chicken soup for the soul books, wrote the book The Success Principles, and I remember sitting in the audience and I had a mortgage originator next to me was a friend of mine, and he leaned over and he said, Have you ever read the book, the success principles? I said no, He said, You should read it. It's a really good book. Well, I listen to Jack and I kind of liked his message. He was spiritually, he was down to Earth. I didn't feel like I was being, you know, he wasn't all hyped up. He was. I know there's something about him that I related to, so I went to introduce myself to him. I then ultimately signed up his, um, one day to greatness workshop. I learned a little bit more about his work, and then through a long story, I won't bore you with, ended up in his house and meeting him and his president, Patty, and just really, like to, they were as people. So I ended up signing up while running a branch of 65 people running a region raising three Children. I was the number one originator. My team was in our branch and signed up for a year long coaching program in the personal development space with Jack. Handful called Training the trainer with 100 trainers from all over the world. Um, the 1st 3 days I was in that trainer training session, I came back to my room. I called my friend, who's a therapist for three days in a row and said, I've got to get an excuse for how I'm gonna get out of this program. I gotta get my $15,000 back because this is what I signed up for. You see how and on the fourth day, in a meditation which might do I had never meditated in my life. I was a crazy type, a mortgage originator. I sort of had this revelation in this vision that sort of came to me about a greater purpose, and I stayed in that program and ended up becoming really best friends with Jax President Patty, who's been She wanted most extraordinary female leaders on the planet from my perspective and you know, through many, many gyrations, it really gave me the foundational security, if you will, in confidence that I had what it took to lean into the space, and she was kind of a mentor for me and held space for me in a belief in myself until I could believe it myself. And so I do believe that's why we need coaches or we need support people in our life because it's very hard to make change without support is very hard and without accountability to do so. And so just last week, fast forward, many years I got voted into Jack's International Transformational Leadership Council with 100 and 50 transformational leaders from all over the world that had a pretty credible experience. I was asked to present to this group and emcee for the day, and I have to admit, I've done a fair amount of speaking now, but that tap even me to present to transformational leaders that are making an impact all over the world. So it's funny when we continue to lean into our dreams we take action, we people, we build relationships. It's kind of how I built my mortgage business. I have built a lot of relationships now in the gross space, and it's Ah, it's a pretty fun journey.

spk_0:   18:39
Yeah, I love that. And I love that you were doing all of this while you had three Children. I think that there's kind of this mind center stigma that women and I don't know, probably Men have a swell where it's like, you know, you don't get to pick, you get to have Children, you get to have the career. How have you kind of have you felt that way for one? And if you have felt that way, how did you overcome that?

spk_1:   19:05
Oh, I mean, without question. I went through, You know, it's it's why I love coaching. You know, female originators now that are, you know, high performance people that are raising families because it's a hole. It's a big deal, you know. It's a big deal to run that level of business are our business is so demanding and then wanting to be a really great mom and parent and having three kids, all three of them, ended up in sports and sometimes six sporting events on the weekends. And, um, you know, I really had to go through my own evolution as to how to do both. And I did create it, and it really was created through getting the right help and, you know, getting to a place of and I'll give an example. In 1998 I woke up at four in the morning in tears. I had done a lot of the right things for many years, and I had 30 million in process in one month and a part time L away part time assistant and is like all of a sudden everything hit me at once, and I woke up and I thought I either have to quit. I had no more capacity. I was letting my clients down, my Realtor partners down. It was awful. And I remember just waking up going. Either have to quit or I have to get a partner that's as vested in this business as I am now in Hind seconded by giving up north for thought. I might have gone a different path with it, but I I didn't have time to overthink it. I called a friend of mine who had been in the business for a year. I got her in the business and I just said, You know, I need a partner. I said, It's your lucky day. Like her income was gonna skyrocket just like that. But I said, I need to know by nine today

spk_0:   20:55
Sense of urgency. I love it.

spk_1:   20:58
Fortunately for me, she said yes, we literally shook hands. We never had a contract. We were barters for 17 years. Wow, um, and our build our business to extraordinary levels of success. But it was really painful for the first, even the 1st 5 years, because she jumped onto a moving train. You know, I was just a flipping moving train, and it, with all the wheels, fell off first before we could put it back together. So I really began to realize that to sort of have it all women are certainly capable. But you have to be willing to invest in the right people to support you. So getting a partner, I'm learning to hire the right L a ways and get the right support staff. I just learned I couldn't. I just Mediocrity wasn't an option, you know, at the level that I wanted to be in the mortgage base for the number of families I wanted to serve. So, um, I just wouldn't accept mediocrity and my business or my support staff, and they had to be super team oriented. I got very good at hiring the right people, taking the time to train them, which so many l's don't d'oh! And then, you know, having processes for accountability, learning to empower your team and let go because you can't go build this big business if you're hanging on and being a control freak like so many high performance mortgage originators are. So a lot of my high level people that I'm coaching, we spent a lot of time on teaching them how to hire the right people, train the right people and power the right people and let go. And to get them back in their genius only again. And then, you know, Megan, I had a moment. It's funny. I thought I needed another L A way. And I went through probably about four months, like I need another assistant. I'm so rum. And then I didn't exercise where you know I tracked my time in 15 minute increments. For five days. I wrote down everything I did, taking out the trash, feeding the dog, whatever going to the gym. And by the end of that week. Oh, and then what I do is it's an exercise they teach. But you put a plus and a minus or a minus next to every single exercise. So it doesn't fuel you or doesn't deplete you something, want it you or is that something you don't want to do? And then you transfer all the negatives over to another sheet of paper. And I looked at all those negatives, and they were all things of personal assistant. Could do. Yeah, eat another l away. I needed somebody to help me manage my life, and I ended up reaching out to my network group. I started with a 15 hour a week personal assistant for $15 an hour, and it changed my life, gave me the ability to. When I was home focused on my Children, I had a non negotiable of having dinner with my kids. Every night is a non negotiable. My kids will tell you that even though even though you think you destroyed this bunker is you work so much like we're the only family. It is a family every night. Um, I had a nanny. I trained her to cook. I took her to the store. I taught her with groceries to buy. I taught her how to make 10 dinners so she could start the dinner set the table. And I could walk in and have a healthy dinner on the table in 15 minutes. Nice. So that's how he did it. It was with a lot of help and a lot of travel there.

spk_0:   24:07
Now, did you ever have the mindset of, you know, Did you start out having the mindset of I can do it all and then did It just becomes so overwhelming that you were like, No, I can't. And that's when you decided to come because I think a lot of people have that flocks give. No, I could do it all.

spk_1:   24:24
Oh, without question, I thought I could do it all in for a long time. I could, but you know, like our our successes in evolution, our kids grow like different faces of your Children suddenly, you know, I mean it. I'm coaching a couple of women right now that have Children that are top producers, and you start feeling like the worst mom because all the moms that don't work and stay home with kids, which I think to some degree is a tougher job. You know, they're volunteering at the kid's schools and they're there every day. And they're so and I felt horrible because I didn't have the capacity to do that. And so, yeah, I think so. I learned to just not feel guilty to do what I could do. You know, I remember volunteering for young and art once a month. I could I could work that into my schedule. But it's hard because, you know, as an overachiever, you want to do it all. You want to do it well, and I wanted to be a great wife and a mom and a great sister and a great friend, and at some point the wheels started to fall off, and I'm like, I've got to get the right people around me and be okay asking for help. And I think as women sometimes we don't Yeah, but it really made such a big difference to create space. So, you know, it's like when I'm working with people. It's really helping them and clear on one. What are your greatest strengths? What are your very genuine and unique greatest gifts? Where do you want to spend your time? Because, you know, at the end of the day, I mean, life is short, you know, it's super short. And, you know, I work with people we start a lot with, You know, start with the end in mind. You know what we do A lot of work about going to the end of this beautiful life experience of looking back going How do we want to have lived our life? Because, you know, if we don't make change now, you know that we're gonna be in the same boat 10 years from now and I'll share with you making cause I was just with this woman last week of my transformational leadership group. I hired her for a while as my spiritual teacher, and she used to be Jack Canfield, spiritual teacher. And so he's with Deirdre Hayden. And I said dearer asked me a question many years ago that really changed my life. And so I always posed this question. Now, to my coaching clients, you know, if you look at your life as it is today in your health and your wellness in your business, in your financial success, in your contribution in your personal growth, if you fast forward your life 10 years from now and absolutely nothing has changed and everything is exactly as it is today, are you happy? Satisfied and fulfilled in your life? Ah, and I honestly remember screaming, No joke like it was visceral. It was just like I just screamed. Hell, no, like. And the reason I said, hell, no, She was actually asking me that question in the context of my marriage, uh, really disconnected. Ah, just didn't really disconnected marriage. I just felt really lonely at. I just couldn't bear the thought of leading my life for another 10 years in a disconnected marriage. And so it was a wake up call for me. And so, you know, having your audience asked themselves, you know, with ask for your life 10 years from now, Really Look at the spears of your life. Are you happy? Satisfied and fulfilled? If nothing changes because for me, that's just not an option. You know, I want a the greatest life experience I can, and I want to be able to make an impact while I'm here on this earth than that question that she asked me made a big difference.

spk_0:   28:05
Yeah, I think that is so powerful. And I also I kind of want to dive into that a little bit because I think that our personal life can also affect our business life. I mean, if we're unhappy, that's that much less energy that we have to give to what makes us does happy or reach that level of success. And so many people are in unhappy relationships or unhappy marriages. And I get so happy when I see your post about how in love you are and how happy you are and how grateful you are for a second chance at love. But I'm curious. Kind of back in that mind set in that time frame, you know? How did you get the courage to make that change?

spk_1:   28:51
It waas the hardest decision I've ever made in my entire life.

spk_0:   28:57
How long were you guys married?

spk_1:   28:59
30 years. Wow. You got married when I was in college. And, um, you know, the funny thing about getting married when you're in college? I mean, we literally lived in a dorm after we got married. Yeah, really? Why don't we just go back? And there was no reason I had to get married. Why did I think that was a good idea? I have no idea. I told my

spk_0:   29:22
keys. Please, please

spk_1:   29:22
don't do what I did. Not because I made a bad choice. But, you know, I didn't know who I waas. You know, at 19 I have absolutely no idea. So, you know, I started getting glimpse of glimpses of who I was when I was 25 then started to realize about five years under my marriage that we were We were very different people. We were wired very differently. And so as time went on, I mean, I I have a loyalty problem. Like I'm loyal to everybody in my life. And I always tell my friends, Look, if you're in my fold, you're stuck with me for a lifetime. She'll be careful because if I love you, you're stuck with me. So yeah, so sometimes I stay in places too long, but I have the same housekeeper for 27 years of that. Give the indication so. But it was the hardest thing, in fact, because we didn't have an angry marriage. We never fought. My kids never saw it. We have this beautiful family Telling my Children was the hardest day of my life. Um, they help it. Still don't forgive me for parts of it, but the cool thing is, and this this it ultimately became my greatest life accomplishment. And I mean that sincerely. I am going through Jack's training. One of the things that he teaches is e plus r equals O, which is events plus response equals outcome. Well, for some reason, I latched on to that principle instead of just like thinking about it and learning about it, I really began to embody that principle in my business with my business partners and in my relationship. And had I not done that, my divorce would have had a very different outcome. But I became obsessed with the outcome of my marriage and every decision I made through the next two years going through the divorce was gonna be focused on the outcome. I wanted to create for our family, including my ex husband, because we have this beautiful family unit and I didn't want that to get destroyed, my divorce. And so I'm not saying it was easy. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Because when you're going to divorce your giving up assets, I mean, it's traumatizing. Is people that have gone through it? No. So but every response I tried to create that response from a place of how it's gonna affect the outcome with my Children. And I will tell you that I truly was able to create a conscious divorce. And in December I'll cry because I'm standing out front of my house with my fiance, my ex husband and my 27 year old son putting the Christmas lights on my house together.

spk_0:   32:07
Oh, that's so sweet.

spk_1:   32:08
Pretty big deal. Yeah, that that goes down is my biggest accomplishment in life.

spk_0:   32:15
I love that reminds me. I've been listening to this audible book. I don't actually sit down with actual books. I feel like anymore. I'm inaudible person, but it's, um, the art of like, critical arguments and just like, teaches you how to talk during that and it really reminded me of that because it's so challenging when there so many emotions and so many fears tied to things. We want to maybe come out and say that thing that's gonna be hurtful or say that you know that emotional response. But you do have to think about what is the and it's like this in sales to you can think about it. It's still in the way of sales. It's what is the outcome that you want, and that's how you need to address that conversation. You can still say everything that you need to say, Get it off your chest like we're lying here manipulating people. But think about that outcome and if your outcome is to have, you know a few years down the road, you guys putting Christmas tree lights up together and everyone being able to be together in those holiday settings and they're not be those arguments or that tension to really have those conversations and think about them, I think that could be related to so many things.

spk_1:   33:28
Well, you're right because in teaching people e plus r equals Oh, like you know, many people react we can't control the events in our life frequently, you know, I mean, stuff happens and we can't control it. And, yeah, how many times, even if you're doing alone and you get a loan gets declined, you know, do we react instead of responding? Maybe wish we could have tweet that message a little bit or you get an argument with your significant other and no to your point. You get fueled and emotional, and you say things that you know, You say things in the moment. You kind of wish you hadn't said so just taking that extra breath when that of that happens to stop ago. You know how Doe I want to respond to this and taking that breath and that causes what I really work with people on because just taking that short pause of No, I may want to come at you like this, but if I take a breath for a minute and I really figure out how I want to respond so that I could create this outcome that I want to achieve and so I use it in my relationships. I've used it with my business partners. I've used it with Realtor partners, a lot because, you know, they might react Berries suddenly and very aggressively to something to go sideways with a loan or a client's angry or you're not closing on time. But then, you know, at the at the end of the day you both want the same outcome. So keeping everybody focused on the outcome vs you know how we respond or the event itself. So there is a lot of implications for how that can help us in our life. And I've talked to women that it actually said to me, I you know, I found out my husband was having an affair. I tried to destroy him, and now my Children won't speak to me, She said, If I'd even known what you did was a possibility, I would have handled my divorce in a different way. So it's We have a lot of ability, you know? You always say being right is so overrated. You know, we spend so much of our time whether we're fighting with an underwriter or our staff are our partner of wanting to be right. But stopping and thinking about is that important or, you know, do we want to create a great experience together, and it's kind of getting above it, and it takes time and energy and effort to work on being able

spk_0:   35:47
to do that. Oh, hard. I feel like I'm just now working on this in my life and it is challenging. Let me tell you,

spk_1:   35:54
it is. I'm not saying it's easy, but mostly he's worth doing are right.

spk_0:   35:58
You know it's true. Yes, very good point. It is so since then and you started this coaching stuff, you've been doing the coaching for a while. Is there any more like evolution of goals that you want to achieve?

spk_1:   36:15
There are, and you know the thing that's interesting. I just hired a new coach myself last week for me. I've been looking for the right coach for a couple of years now to really help me scale my company because you know, when people come to me, they want me, you know, So in my expertise and believe me, I love it. I mean, it's just I absolutely love helping people grow expand and to your point, we weigh, always start with business. But I coach people on seven core areas of their life, so it's really you know, if we're gonna grow in our business, we have to grow and evolve as a person. And when I help people tap in to the best parts of themselves and shine a brighter light on that, they start doing more business. And it's sort of this evolutionary effect, which is really fun. But I have a lot of dreams and goals. This last fall, I led a three day chairman's club training, um, for a national Mortgage Bank. And then a month later, I led 100% branch manager training, which was incredible. And so doing some leadership training with high level leadership teams. I'm now I do one on one coach, but it's limited now. I really only coach people that want to make a bigger impact on the world, so and several of those are originators. But I really focus on high performance people because they do the work. You know, I find that the high performance professionals really want to make change, that really willing to do the work and they want the accountability and then that gets me all excited because they're making positive change in the world. I leave my mortgage mastermind elite group, which is my my favorite thing on the planet to lead. I just laid it. Once year, I take 12 people from all over the country and they come to Manhattan Beach. We do 23 day retreats together. We do one on one calls when we do. Our group soon calls, but that's really empowering. And they see massive, transformational change not only in their business, but their life. And so I love that. So I'm trying to figure out how to scale. I'm working on writing a book right now and started,

spk_0:   38:16
so that's so when When is the wedding? Well, we don't have a

spk_1:   38:21
date set yet because he does live in 1000 miles away in Colorado, and he's got no, we're kids that are finishing their evolution of high school. And so as soon as we've got a couple of years before we do the wedding thing, but it's it's been really special to have that chance. Like you said it love the second time around, and to feel like I met truly a soul mate, you're never sure that's ever gonna happen. But it feels very different from love. The first time around, So that's part of the plan as well, for sure.

spk_0:   38:49
Good. Well, I'm very happy for you. And I'm excited for when that happens, and I'm excited to see how you continue to evolve. I'm a big fan of yours on dhe for anyone listening. Where can they find out more about your coaching stuff about you? What is the book gonna be called to? Is there a date for that? There's not a

spk_1:   39:08
date for the book. I'm gonna probably change the title. Um, you know, kind of my My tagline is success is your choice, and it's really my whole platform is around the power of intentional choice. Yeah, things aren't working. We have the beautiful ability to betrayal, you know, create a new choice tomorrow. So it's really getting very clear on what those choices need to be. Jeff, you alarm, right? So it'll really just be about the tactical, the stories and the transformational ways that we can really build and grow our life and our business. Collectively, I have a lot of training is that I put together that help people go through kind of an experiential process that I'll put into the book as well, so probably I'm working on that through the balance of this year's of probably a perforation in 2021. I started on it two years ago, so but I've gotten very intentional about it. I'm building an online training program right now. My 90 day jump start to mortgage success program I. Last year I led that live four times, and now I'm trying to get into an online training program that I'm hoping to launch by the end of March so I can take all of my tools, tactics, strategies and be able to teach people online so it's more accessible and more affordable for to help more people.

spk_0:   40:23
Yes. And what's your website and all your social handles?

spk_1:   40:28
It's Cindy. Erdman dot com is the best place to reach me and t e mail. If you want any information regarding my coaching programs info. It's Cindy. Hartman dot com goes to my team. Um, I would welcome. I got a great free download of my website. It's Cindy hartman dot com On the 10 easy steps to secure you're listing Agent, I'm actually gonna be starting. I have not done a lot of email campaigns, but I'm gonna be offering a lot of free resource is to those people to sign up on my website. I've got about 50 training exercises I'm all about, you know, sharing toe help people get better and stronger. So I would love to hear from you. And I'm just at Cindy Herrmann now on Facebook and Cindy Erman on instagram and lengthen. And I really would love to hear from you. I offer a free exploratory call. I love doing them. They are truly coaching there about you. It's not me trying to sell you anything is just not how I roll. But I really love trying to help people and getting helping give them real value on those exploratory calls. So it's anyone you know. I was really looking for a good 45 minutes to hunker down and really look deeply at your business. I'd love to offer you that as well.

spk_0:   41:39
No, I cannot recommend Cindy enough listeners. She is amazing. And I have one final question for you, for everyone listening that is going through a current pain, a current struggle, and they're about to go through their breakthrough. What are some words of encouragement that you want to leave with them? Well, I think

spk_1:   42:00
you know, it's so easy to go into fear a moat and start questioning ourselves. Look, I've done it 1000 times myself. So you know, there's a famous quote by Napoleon Hill that I love saying How many of us carry the matches around to burn down our own house? It's what it's so true, You know, it's those voices in our head, and, you know, we are our own worst enemies. So really, it's a daily practice to stay focused on the belief in yourself that you are enough. I believe that if we are given an idea, we have the ability to execute it. We have the ability to bring it to fruition, or it wouldn't have entered our brain. And sometimes you know, and then the other thing is getting proper support around you of people that believe in you and disconnecting from those that don't. I'm so intentional about the people in my life. And if if this is not a collective support network, there's no place for you in my life other than you know, maybe some family members that we don't have that choice around, but it's like surround yourself with the right people. Being in an empowering environment is half the battle to continue to grow because the more you grow and the higher level you it, you know, aspire to the lonely. Here it gets at the top. So I'm in to mastermind groups. I'm in two transformational leadership groups. I have an amazing group of friends in my life. So maintaining that belief in yourself, trusting your intuitive self, that instinct, trust your heart and your gut I meditate every morning for 15 minutes. Tap into that. If you believe. Then I want you to execute on it because we have the pop. You know, I just believe now, with no glass ceiling over me anymore, we have the ability to rewrite her own story and creed the life we desire. And we've gotta stay true to that from the core of our being to bring that to fruition. Don't give up believing

spk_0:   43:58
yourself while you guys heard it from Cindy yourself. Thank you for the wise words and thank you for taking your time tested. Cindy, Thank

spk_1:   44:06
you so much. It's such a pleasure to be with you. I love and adore you, and I just

spk_0:   44:11
appreciate so much