Ruth Fogg on how and why we get stressed, its impact on our health and how to get rid of it

To receive a copy of Ruth's free meditation audio clips and meditation guide - send an email to support@unleashed-academy.com 

Ruth Fogg -Stress Consultant who is also a speaker, therapist, educator and author. Profundly  deaf in one ear and severely deaf in the other she has learned to see this as strength, not a weakness as this disability has been her driver to succeed in a hearing world. She is an excellent lip reader, wear hearing aids and have no problems communicating and empathising with stressed people!

Qualifications include an M.Sc in Counselling Psychology, teaching, coaching reiki, hypnosis, EFT, and stress management. She combines coaching, hypnosis and emotional freedom technique with her managerial and training experience to provide skills and strategies to combat and manage stress. Presentations and training workshops for senior and middle managers and the general workforce. 

Her books include Stress 'n' Stuff : Tackling tough times and tackling teenage mental health.

Contact Ruth on https://www.stressworx.co.uk 

Transcript

Femi (Host): Hello, everyone. Welcome to the you least podcast at Femi Academy, the podcast focused on helping you unleash your personal and professional best. We do this through amazing interviews with amazing guests. And my role here is simply to help you deconstruct and pull out the amazing stories and practical tools and tips. Dave use, which you can apply yourself to helping you on these, your best. You know what actually say, Don is better than perfect. So, I'm hoping that none of this, you take one, tip something away. They can apply to yourself and just run with it and be amazed. How much better you get. 

Femi (Host): Now this week, we'll be focusing on the stress. The reality of the current times and times we live in, is there stress just from the pandemic, not being able to travel, work the economy. There's so much that is bringing about stress in our personal lives. And what are the things I kept asking myself is what is stress Do we understand stress enough Because if you understand it enough, certainly we know what we can do to fight it. And that leads me to the guests for today. Ruth fog, Ruth is a stress consorted and she is the director of stress works. Loot is an author. She's also a stress consultant and she's all about helping people achieve the positive and practical solutions that help you achieve peace of mind. 

Femi (Host): It was an amazing session talking to Ruth. You'd be surprised about the things that could have an impact on your show and your mental health and just being about stress. But she provides some really practical tools, tips, and help us understand some of the things we carry around that caused this and what stress can lead to on a mental and physical level. I must say it was a really insightful session with Ruth. So, what I'll say here is in this case, you really want to pay attention and grab and listen. Hopefully, hopefully take something away that can help you understand what to do when those moments of stress start to creep up. When you get a notepad, a nice drink, set it down, take it all in. And hopefully you learn as much as I did. Now, these times we live in and I keep saying this that I, I I'm bored of Satan and I wish I didn't have to. 

Femi (Host): And that things were a lot better, but things are not better because things are getting more and more stressful with the pandemic and with everything. And the V and the feeling is, and I know this is how I feel. Sometimes everyone is just stressed. You see politicians and the TV, they look stressed. You talk to people at work, they look stressed. Everyone is stressed unless you know how to deal with it. And that's why I thought we've got to get someone who's just knows about all the stress stuff to come into the studio and just educate us on everything about stress, how to manage it, how to get better at it. Cause if we can do that, we could find a way in all of this madness and all of this chaos and all of the sadness to just enjoy life and cope better. So, it gives me great pleasure to welcome route fog. Now, VU is a stress consultant. She's a speaker, she's a therapist. She's an educator as she's author, an author, the author of stress works, stress and stress and stuff. Tackling tough times. Ruth, thank you for coming on board. Thank you so much for taking the time to come and just share some of your wisdom with us. 

Ruth Fogg: Yeah. Good morning. If I may thank you for asking me. 

Femi (Host): Thank you. So, it is stressful times. It's, it's, it's, it's crazy out there. Isn't it I mean, what is this I mean, we all feel like it's stressful? Is this what you're getting from your clients and from your speaking to people, is that the same thing You're getting a sore that it's stress or that is stressful. 

Ruth Fogg: I think that would be fair to say, I think stress levels and how that affects our mental health have absurd, accelerated since this pandemic, are there all sorts of reasons for it, but the trouble is with stress. We absorb it like a sponge, and it becomes our norm. And people don't realize that they don't have to suffer. Let's try it, not have to deal with it, but it is actually trying to understand why they feel like they do. And it's understanding how the mind works. And most people understand that the mind is in two parts, the conscious and the subconscious, but look, a lot of us don't realize is that the conscious mind is only 5% and that's the thinking part of our minds. And that needs to be recharged truck and mobile phone every night with sleep. And it can become overwhelmed. We can think too much. 

Ruth Fogg: And that in itself becomes stressful. Subconscious. The 95% is the powerhouse. And if you imagine it like filing cabinet, everything that you've experienced, everything that you've learned, or your beliefs, your emotions, your imagination, they are all stored in your subconscious as all your automatic body functions. Because we don't think about breathing, thinking swallowing. We just couldn't do it. Wouldn't be able to coordinator for thing. So, we have to trust the subconscious mind, but Saturday it doesn't know the difference between right and wrong real or a metric. And so, for example, if I were to ask you well to six times six, I'm hoping you'll give me the answers that you six. 

Ruth Fogg: But if you learned that six times six was 35, that would be the answer that your subconscious would give you now, because it's not going to say, Oh, excuse me. That's not the right answer. But we learn through repetition and practice. And I don't just mean all typos. We learn everything, learning to book, learning, to feed ourselves, the alphabet, learning to read, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, even learning to drive. So, repetition and practice. Now, if I am repeating it incorrectly, then that's going to become embedded in the subconscious. So, it's really important to understand what's going on. Everything starts somewhere. So, if you, if I were to ask you now, you've just shared with me that your daughter satin. Now, I'm sure you could remember your nursery rhymes. I know she's older than that now, but I expect she can remember her nose three times without actually thinking about it. 

Ruth Fogg: Okay. We don't need on nursery rhymes or adults, but we can remember them when we with small children. If I asked you if I play some music that you like when you were teenager, you would remember the words. Oh yeah. I remember that. Now that would embed in the subconscious. Now what you had for lunch a week class, that state is totally irrelevant. It's not significant. So, it's not steward, but things that are important to you or significant or useful will be stored in the subconscious, in that filing cabinet. Now, good things get stirred as well as uncomfortable things. And this is what I mean by everything starts somewhere. Most people who have a belief, a negative belief about themselves or fare it's come from somewhere. So, let's look at, negative beliefs. If you believe, for example, that you'll use this, you're not good enough. Just one of the strongest, negative beliefs that people have. Oh, that's interesting. 

Ruth Fogg: Yeah. Yeah. It starts at somewhere some, somewhere, maybe at school. somebody said, well, that wasn't very good. Oh, you were getting negative feedback in some way. Now I can give you a perfect example of that. The past note example, I think I shared with you that my concern about this puddle was being able to hear you correctly because I wear hearing AIDS in both ears. I was knocked dying by a car when I was a child, I was three years old and it took the medics five years to acknowledge that I was actually deaf. So, it's got worse over the years, but I'm profoundly deaf in one ear and severely deaf and the other. And if I was to take my hearing AIDS, I wouldn't be able to hear you. I'm a good day for you too though, which sometimes certainly helps. But I put up believing because I was deaf. 

Ruth Fogg: I've staffed. I'm stupid. Now I was given a hearing aid, I would say is old. And I was teased until minted and bullied at school. So, I stopped wearing it. How I actually got through school. I'm not very sure, but for example, I'm going back to negative beliefs. When I was 11, I took the 11 plus and I was a borderline pass, which meant I had to have an interview to decide whether I was worthy of a grammar school education. And I use that word worthy in the right context because I can see this woman now in the panel, she was a lady in the middle of two guys. And she said that I couldn't possibly cope with the grammar school education because I was deaf. So that seed was planted. And it wasn't actually until I got my master's degree in counselling psychology that I thought, hang on a minute. I'm not so daft after all, I am a bit daft, but not in that context. But I expect I blew. My GCSE is because I was a teenager. I thought I was, I was concerned. Nobody expected anything of me because I believe because I was deaf, I'm stuffed, and these negative beliefs become so strong. And we don't question them. Now, if I had asked myself earlier on last, the evidence that you're daft, I would have struggled to find it. 

Ruth Fogg: This is what we don't do. You know, we have these beliefs. I'm not good enough, but we don't check that there's evidence to support the belief. For example, if you had told me when I was a child or even 30 years ago, that I'd be able to carry a phone or a computer in my pocket, I would have laughed. Yeah. I wouldn't have believed it, but we can change our beliefs. As soon as we have the evidence to support them. Now I've had to change my belief very quickly because obviously like everyone else, I now have a mobile phone. Now we used to believe that cars would not replace houses. We used to believe the world was flat. You know, we change our beliefs, but we don't often look at them and understand why those beliefs are causing us stress. And the same with our values, our values are so important, but again, we don't explore them. 

Ruth Fogg: We're not taught about values in school. So, we don't understand how our mind works. And therefore, when we get stressed, we just said, Oh, well, I'm stressed. And then of course it affects our bodies. It affects us physically because what the mind suppresses the body expresses in some way. So, I'm sure you can identify with this. You know, you might get tight shoulders, or your stomach might rumble, Oh, you get nubs in your stomach or you get headaches, get migraines because it all affects our immune system. Stress reduces the immune system and makes us vulnerable, but negative moaning society where we're not as positive. As for example, as the Americans, in terms of the way we perceive ourselves. 

Speaker 3: That's very true. That's very true. which brings me to Beatrix brings me to the wider point, which is, and it looks like then the memories have a big part to play in that because memories where we store this filing cabinets. Because I think when you say filing cabinets, we're talking about memories. The memories have a big part to play as well then in how we see ourselves. But I think there's a book called I think I forget named Psycho-Cybernetics, which is one of the first times when people realize we have a self-image and that everything we take in kind of builds a picture of ourselves. So, for a lot of us, everything we've been taught about ourselves, everything that's happened to us, like you've said, we fall into a cabinet and it goes into our subconscious. And then when a similar scenario pops up, we go into the filing cabinet and we pick, we pick what we see there and go, yeah, that's how I responded then. Or that's how this made me feel. And that drives how we feel now is that how memory works. I mean, that's, as much as I know, I'm not an expert, but this memory thing, how does it impact us Our memories would carry around, 

Ruth Fogg: But often it's the first time something happens. It doesn't have to be in childhood. It could be in adulthood. for example, in my book, I share the story of a tsunami survivor. Now, obviously that's a very dramatic memory. I know memories are traumatic, but the first time something happens, I mean my therapy room, I have a set of Russian domes, which perfectly illustrate how, if something happens to you in childhood, like with me, when I was knocked down, that memory stays with you throughout your life. And whatever happens to you is stowed. Unless you do something about it now, you're absolutely right in the sense of that same. Let's say if somebody is scared of spiders, okay, now I can, I I'll tell you how I do it too in a minute, but you can reduce the fear, but you also have to go back to where it started. 

Ruth Fogg: So, if a spider ran across your face, just as a child, for example, cool, then that memory is stove. You might not actually remember it consciously, but the subconscious, when you see a spider say, Oh, I can remember when that spider ran across your face and you were scared. I remember that feeling and it will give you that feeling back again because it thinks that's what you want. So, I've gotten back to God, like I said, about training your mind up at six, six is with your tables, six, six 36 in the same way. Oh, that is a spider. I know what to do. Here's the answer. And you get shaky and scared, no sex again. So, I'll remember it. So, the first time something happens a very important, so let me ask you, have you, if you've had a bumping your car for, when you go back, either see a similar car or you go back to the place where it happened, the memory comes flooding back. 

Femi (Host): Absolutely. It just comes back and it's almost like I'm there again. I have the feeling I see everything is I can smell it, everything 

Ruth Fogg: That's right. And those memories, especially the traumatic ones can cause you stress. So again, it's worth understanding the impact of our memories. None of that happy memories leave them alone. But if there are unhappy memories that trick us an unhappy picture, which in turn triggers, negative emotions, which cooker stress. So, it's so important to understand these things. 

Femi (Host): Yeah. So, it looks like, and if I jump ahead of you, you're almost saying we've got to take an image eventually of our lives. At some point we have to sit back and look on our lives and ask ourselves, why do I do what I do or why do I behave What I buy, do I behave or what caused me to behave this way Is that something we need to do or because a lot of us, and the reason why I say the truth is a lot of us walk around and we're working around with all of this stuff. We are carrying around like a big bag behind us, but unless it has a big impact on quality of life, or it has an impact, significant impact on our lives in a negative way. Most of us go through life without ever realizing this is stuff that needs to be dealt with. 

Femi (Host): And I know the more I, as I grow older, the more I meet people when I speak to them, I go, Oh, maybe they're not good at managing relationships. And when you talk to them, you realize when they were growing up, they were surrounded by parents who, or friends or negative experiences of relationships. And we don't know any defaults to that same behaviour as well. So, it's amazing. Some of the stuff you're talking about, which now when you say it, it’s kind of becomes obvious. Like obviously that's what I saw when I was young and that's why I'm copying it without realizing it or I that's what I think good looks like. But if there was no negative impact on my life, I wouldn't know, to look back and ask why I'm behaving the way I'm behaving. 

Ruth Fogg: Well, that that's right. I mean, you you're familiar with the phrase like father, like son and often you're right. Children do emulate that parents because let's face it. We'll talk through example. If they go growing up and if that negative, sorry, if their relationship is negative, then not stay the pattern or the expectation that the child would have. But this is my values come in. Because most teenagers, we talk about that as being a rebellious phase. And I spent many, many years of my career as a youth worker. So, I know what I'm talking about. Him. Young people explode that values and teenagers, they might not realize or put that label on that exploration, but to either accept or reject what that parents tell them. Now, if the parents have a prostitute relationship, if they, the guidelines or the rules within the household are reasonable and fair. 

Ruth Fogg: I'm not explained to the young person as to why mom and dad expect them in 11. O'clock no two o'clock right. They mate. So, if it's explained that that's about their safety and the moms and dads worrying, et cetera, that the kid is more likely to grow up, being found reasonable themselves. But if the rules or the guidelines in the household are very strict, Oh, there's domestic abuse or a lot of drinking and violence. And what have you, then not just what the young person is going to grow up and learn from, Oh, decide a neurology enough that that's not for them and then change their ways completely. So, it depends again on self-awareness and understanding which we're not taught in school, which I think is absolutely tragic. Yeah. 

Femi (Host): I know. I mean, some of these things, you think these are fundamental life, quality of life skills that the better you are at these things, the better the country would be the better everyone would be because we understand we would be proactive in managing our lives and what comes into our minds and our health and everything else. So, a good question then is, then the question then becomes, how do you break this How do you, if you're in this mental funk this negative place, because it's very easy Ruth and I'd be, cause I know lots of people. So for example, I'm from the night I've got, I'm from, my personal agenda. I've got a Nigerian background and it's easy, very quickly to look at being able to deal with almost to wear it as a badge of honour, that I'm very good at dealing tough times. And maybe you can, but in the long-term, what it does, it just wears you down and it wears you down. And you find out that a lot of people have a low life expectancy because they, it just, you said, if you suppress it, express it, the mind expresses it in the body. So, the question I have is how we break this cycle I mean, how, how do you help her help us 

Ruth Fogg: Okay. Well, first of all, as I say, it's, it's understanding what the stress is. Not stress can be caused by all sorts of things. Other sad, negative beliefs, fares, a recent trauma or something that's happened, or relationship breakdown, feeling depressed. I mean, if the list is endless in many ways, but once you understand that everything's stored in the subconscious, then it starts to make a bit more sense because I work with the subconscious mind and I use three therapies to mould on the third. The first one is hypnosis. Now most people go, Oh, well, no, no, no, 

Femi (Host): That's my reaction is like, Oh, somebody take it, someone taking a pendant. And as soon, get it before my eyes and say bark like a dog or something. And, 

Ruth Fogg: But hypnosis is the oldest healing method known to man. The Egyptians used to have sleep temples. Now, when you think about it, if you don't feel about what you do, you go to bed and you try to go to sleep. Okay. Now when we're asleep, sometimes we dream and that's the subconscious I say, coming out to play. Sometimes we don't, but sleep is healing and state recharges, the conscious mind, but hypnosis isn't really sleep. It's not quite sleep. You're not a way to sleep, but you're very relaxed and the conscious is switched off. Now, have you ever dropped off to sleep watching the television Yeah. Right. That's what it feels like. You're aware that there's a voice in the background, but you'll not really booklet. And a hypnosis session is usually about half an hour. And what it does is it relaxes the conscious mind to pull it out of the subconscious, to come food because the subcultures never sleeps because it's got to beat the heart, pump your lungs, digest your food so on and so forth. 

Ruth Fogg: So hypnosis is a very useful too. And people are often put off because they see people doing silly things on the television. Now those people doing silly things about volunteered to do silly things. The example I give to my clients as well. If I were to put you in hypnosis and ask you to take your coats off and run up and down the road, you would come out of hypnosis to immediately, unless you want you to take your coats off and run up and down the road. That's a bit of an extreme example, but I think it proves point. 

Ruth Fogg: Yeah, you've got to, you've got to take, you've got to participate in it. You've got to submit to the process too, for you to have the impact on you. 

Ruth Fogg: Well, it's submission is not quite the right word, but it's, it's very relaxing and it can make the changes that you want because the subconscious is that to help you, you could code is intuition, instinct, sixth sense. It's there to help you. And as I said earlier, it doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. So if you've trained it in a negative way, then hypnosis can help retrain it and it posted to it. Right 

Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, I mean, that's so true. So, but then a lot of us are, you'll have people who are listening here, who, who go, well, come on, give me some, give me the good stuff. Give me some simple tips I can use to just when I'm in that moment, when all my baggage or my bad experiences, I've I lost my job 10 years ago, a manager called me into the office at about four 30 on a Friday. And he and I was fired. And ever since then, anytime I get meeting invites on a Friday around four, I start to stress out and panic, or my manager says, can I have a word I start to think this is it. I'm going to lose my job now. I'm not thinking of nurses. I'm thinking food to give me something. What can I do to just calm myself down And yeah, so I mean, that's what some people, I mean, because I know there'll be some people who say I want to meet vote, and we'll talk about that later, how they can reach out to you, but I'll be some that go, but what do I do now I just need something to calm me down. I mean, 

Ruth Fogg: Okay, well hypnosis is not the answer. Just sitting in the office. The second therapy I use is stands for emotional freedom technique. It's better known as tapping because you tap on Meridian points with your fingertips. Last, you actually express what the problem is. So for example, Eden, now I've got this horrible memory of being in the office on a Friday. I choose to release it. So you have a negative statement under positive statement, and then you tap on certain Meridian points. Now nobody quite understands how this works, but it's absolutely, it's weird. It's wonderful. And it's wacky, but it does well. And it clears negative thoughts, negative feelings, fears in, in seconds. 

Speaker 3: What's your mood in point, if you don't mind me asking that, 

Ruth Fogg: Oh, pressure points. If you're lying, have you ever had aquaponic jump 

Speaker 3: No, but I've seen it enough to understand that it's, it's a Chinese art where they take pins and they understand the body's all connected. So the body's all connected. It's all one. So by putting the pins as sets of points, it's relieving pressure. Because, cause I know from experience, I would pinch my ear sometimes, but I'd feel a pain somewhere else in my body or tingling somewhere else in my body. So it's almost like, yeah, 

Ruth Fogg: Right So that the pressure points that you're talking about, an acupuncture are linked to the meridians, the meridians, if you like, it's the body's energy circuit. And as you know, if your energy circuit at home, if you have a trip, but light bulb goes, the whole scene cuts out for a bit. And in the same way, if the meridians, the body is that flowing, then you're relaxed. You're calm. But if you're stressed, you're tired, you're worried, you're anxious. You're scared of something. Then your bogey is going to be tensed. And those meridians are going to get broke. But by tapping on it, obviously you can see me, but you, your listeners cant. But by tapping on Meridian points, pressure point, and it's all these simple points on the face, the neck, on the upper body I tapped on last year, actually say your statements now it's, it's very hard to describe when I'm just speaking about it. 

Ruth Fogg: It's one of those things it's best to experience. You have your fingertips and your feedings with you all the time. It works. You know how to do it. If you can get an instant release and a relief. Now I'm quite happy to send self-help guides to your listeners because I think everybody should know how to do EFT because you can deal with things in the here and now as they arise. And one of the beautiful things about the subconscious mind is it throttle like an onion. If you stop tapping, let's get back to fairs, full affair of spiders. And we measured the fare. So say your fed was about to knowing, I mean, we got it down to a seven or a six, then I would say to you, well, do you have any memory of a spider And you might say yes when I was six or seven Oh, spider right over my face. 

Ruth Fogg: So we would then tap for that memory. Now equally you might not have a memory, but your subconscious unconsciously wrote pepper memory, but your subconscious, what gave you that memory And it's like going through the last of an onion, things come into your mind and you think, Oh, where's that come from But it's your subconscious joining up the dose because your subconscious knows look, the core issue goes, even if you don't consciously. So it's an incredible scale. I think doing it now, for 18 years and I'm still blown away by the results that people get. Just like that. It's quick and powerful. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, one of the things I take from that and the things as I, as I, as I, the more I sort of learn, one of the things you find is the mind and the body are incredibly, incredibly complex things that we've not even begin to scratch the surface of how they connect when we, we know a lot, a lot more, although sometimes I think even the people of ancient times, knew a bit more than we do. But you, you look and you just realize we're. So the body it's such a unique, complex fearfully and wonderfully created thing that, that all of this stuff is good because it helps us realize that when you're feeling a certain way, when we're feeling down, when you're feeling up, if you know what to do, like the stuff you're sharing with us, it helps you. Number one, manage it, manage these, experiences. 

Speaker 3: But if we're better, when we have children or we work with others, we start to realize like the things you say to people are very important. So you have to always plant net positive words in people's lives because you're only creating more glues of negativity in their mind. If you say negative stuff to them. So we shouldn't be people who impact people's lives in destiny by saying negative stuff. You don't know what the stuff you see, what impact it has on people. So we've got to be a lot more. And then we've got to realize that a lot of times, like you said, what the mind suppresses the body expresses. And I love that when I'm promoting this, that's one of the things I'm going to share to people because people want to know this is, is that a lot of times when we're paused, when we're physically feeling bad or ill, you'd be amazed. 

Speaker 3: How many times that's linked to mental fears, concerns, stresses people who you get a letter of consultancy from your work to say, I'm over the next two months, we are going to be making half the business redundant and people start falling ill all over the place because of the stress. How am I going to pay my bills How am I going to look after my kids how am I going to survive And then they start getting stressed and then they start breaking down and we don't realize all of this stuff is connected. So I I'm, I'm kind of backing you up to say it's a to notice stuff. Cause it helps us deal with ourselves when stuff's not going well. We know you have to look deeper and understand what the root causes, why am I feeling the way I'm feeling and why is a simple spider going across a table causing me to get so stressed out 

Speaker 3: It's just an insect because that's what somebody who has no problems with spiders who say, it's just a spider. Why are we getting so stressed So it helps us to know that even the little thing that happens to us sometimes that causes us to stress out exponentially in proportion to what's happened to us is because there's something that's happened that we need to like reflect and dig deep. Or when we're with our partner, with our spouse or they said was, why do you always do this You always disappointed. And then we get mega upset, mega frustrated, and she looks at it and go, I didn't mean that I would just, I just said it, but we just blow a gasket and we're screaming and shouting, it could get physical. And we don't realize we've just reacted that way because it's triggered something much deeper in us. 

Speaker 3: That's happened to us in the past. Or so I say that top people understand that some of the stuff you're saying is awesome because it should help us start to really look deeper. And when we act, we react the way we do, we've got to go back and take stock of our lives and try to understand. And if we need more help, we should look for help for someone to talk to us and find ways to exercise these demons or, or more importantly, because they're dead. They're not going away, but how to cope and deal with it. But it also informs us that we should not perpetrate what's happened to us. We should become better people and help stop this cycle of happening to our friends, our family, our spouses, our children. We can play a part in breaking that cycle as well. 

Ruth Fogg: But as I said, right in the beginning, it's, it's understanding that cycle. I mean, most relationships, most, most relationship breakdowns are due to having different values. So what is important to one is not important, the other, and if you have, 10 values, and you work out between you, what are your core values, then not relationship, but those core values are aligned. It will work. If those values are totally different than the relationship isn't going to work, because you're going to be in conflict all the time. And again, it's understanding now, 

Speaker 3: No, your, your, your, your vote, your vote vote. there's this guy, this author, Ken Blanchard, who, I read some of his books. You may know him and the one minute manager, et cetera. And he says, whenever he, before he goes into business with a partner or anything, he says, there's two things. There's form and there's function. And he says, function is, Oh, I'm a good speaker. You're a good writer. Let's get together, do something special to make some money. And he goes, a lot of people when they go into business and relationships, they look at what they can get out of it first. But he says, no, you've got to look at form first. So before you form a relationship with someone, you work with somebody, do anything with somebody, you first sit down and go, can we work together Do we share the same values 

Speaker 3: Do we like the same things Because if you can agree, are your values on those things The is easy, but some of us always go in first thinking, Oh, I not invite you now to, you know, to speak. Let's do something together. And then later on you find out I don't like that guy very much. And then you have, you have a negative, a negative energy and stress, and then it just falls apart. So, no, this is, this is, this is so amazing. So I did think it would be good. So, so I know one of the things, and it's a bit taboo for some people, medication stress. And I know this isn't a podcast, but medicine and things, we're not going to get deep, but I think it would be good if you help people understand the well that stress Israel as sometimes there's no shame in, in Medicaid, in getting some help for stress sometimes as a medium term short term, medium term solution to obviously the longer term thing, which is the therapy and everything, which is the longer term thing. I mean, talk to us a bit about that. 

Ruth Fogg: Well, first of all, therapy doesn't have to be long term. Again, this is a misconception. I think I mentioned earlier, I have a diploma and a master's degree in counselling psychology, but I moved away from counselling and I'm not knocking it, but it takes a long time and you I'm reliving things. Whereas with hypnosis in EFT, you get some instant responses. So I very rarely see people for more than three or four sessions, because then they are self-empowered that can go away and work on stuff themselves and they're comfortable and they know how to do that and confident too. But you know, if you just keep on talking, even till the cows come home, but if you don't have a coping strategy, then you're not going to move forward. And medication is not a coping strategy. It's if you're like a crisis strategy, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to put chemicals in my body unless I really have to. 

Speaker 3: No, I don't and not to interrupt you, but cause I worry about, cause couldn't use end up having co-dependency as well aware you think the only way you can survive is with the medicine. So without the medicine you don't end up, you think, Oh, without the medicine I can't cope. 

Ruth Fogg: Well, absolutely because the national health service wanting to Felicity's when it was set up in 1958 was focused on physical health and it stood is not a mental house. And of course, the moment I think mental house, even that still has a sub is if not more important than physical health, I'm touching the virus to run to the side for a moment in that context, because they're so close to connected. Now, if you take medication antidepressants, so whatever you're diagnosed with that, I kept blind kids. They might help you in the short term, but then not dealing the CO's of the depression of the and that's, you know, not actually moving forward, it's not, you you're pressing pose because you're taking the medication, which might make you feel bad for a while. Then that's your circumstances have changed dramatically at the end of the medication. You're not going to be any better off. So I would always say try to get some help where you can have a natural remedy rather than actually taking medication because people do become dependent on it. And then they become like zombies. 

Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Thanks for that. I know one of your, one of your, one of your passions is kids as well. I give you a minute. one of your passions is kids. I mean, what, what would you like to share with us about that 

Ruth Fogg: Well, I started off my career as a primary teacher and then I, I went into youth work because I was more interested in the emotional social development of young people than their academic development. But I like working with children because their lives are obviously a lot less complicated than 

Ruth Fogg: Kids come to see me. And they might be scared of the dark or they're being bullied at school or whatever the reason is, but I'll teach them how to tap because I took about Merlin, the monkey Merlin, the magic monkey, and I usually get them a little monkey to take away and they understand what the tapping points are. so like for example, I had a young man recently, and he would say what the appropriate most. And then he would say, I moved some Austin. His name was also, and he was awesome. And I had another one. Excellent tally, because as I said earlier, that EFT tapping used state the problem. And then you make a positive choice. So you can either say, I choose to release my fear of the children to say I'm cold. Oh, I give them a magic tip that goes with their name so they can actually see them grow. And that confidence grows then release the negativity. And it's amazing, but I give them, a bird in the magic monkey audio that Merlin, the metric monkey dips in a metric forest and he gets rid of bugs. So it bucks could be a worry bug, a yacht, keep up if they, if that being sacred, something that sleep 

Ruth Fogg: and these audios are relaxation, very like hypnosis or using the metaphor. Marine has symmetric books. I know the negativity is taken after the child into the magic box and that one, they took out, sent it message to say that I was her fairy godmother because I'd help get rid of her negative thoughts and feelings. It's well, I love doing it. It's fun. and I, as I say, I have a little monkey and the monkey actually represents the subconscious and the monkey represents the inner dialogue. Now I call it monkey on the show, which one do you feed Yeah. Right, exactly. Yeah. And so I was set up at the monkey brain, which is the subconscious, because it's, again, it's understanding it. And children can understand monkey brain monkey, which they sit with and explain how powerful that monkey is because it's well, as I said at the beginning, it's the powerhouse and children's prospect quite quickly. Yeah. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. Oh yeah. I, what I love about what you shared is, I get it. Cause for kids they're more accepted and it has more impact because they come in with this they're so open and non-judgmental land and they, they won't look grown. Whereas adults, we have, we have 10 CC, everything has a gimmick and doubt, and we've been so scarred that haven't helped us. We all know this stuff comes in, but somewhat the stuff you said, if I'm being honest, if a grownup would just take it, would that be the fate of inner child and just use it, it would have wonders for them as well. So even though things would work for grownups as well, cause some of those things, I mean, you hear people if I started calling myself fantastic Femi and I said that to myself every day, I'm pretty sure I would start to feel, even if it's 1% better and that's better than nothing. So, so yeah, 

Ruth Fogg: Well that's, that's the positive affirmation, isn't it But for me, I mean the credit goes to the parents for recognizing that the child has a problem and they obviously have a good relationship with the, with the child because it's so important that parents ask their kids how they feel. I mean, you, you can tell by their body language when they're not feeling right when there's something worrying them and it takes courage to ask for help for an adult. But I mean, we all like to help somebody else. It makes us feel good. Yeah. But just taking that first step and saying, Hey, I'm struggling. I mean, we, when we meet people, not so much at the moment we say hello, how are you I'm most Richard. So I'm fine science. And that's the end of the conversation. But the majority of people are not fine. They're worrying about something or other, but we don't give ourselves permission to shine. And just flooding is often a good solution at a very basic way of dealing with your suits and feelings. If you caught someone else is writing them down, just keeping a journal every night, full you go to bed, write down what's on your mind. And then was writing an attitude of gratitude or having something to eat.

Speaker 3: I just thought I just started that route. I just started, journaling about a week ago. So I'm still falling asleep sometimes without doing it, but I must admit it makes a difference. Cause I don't know if it's a subconscious rule because, because that's the last thing you do before you go to bed as well. It just gives me an opportunity to kind of offload how I'm feeling, talk about what I'm thankful for. But I also talk about what I aspire to, what I want to do when I wake up in the morning next morning, I'm full of energy. I have clarity. And it just, it's almost like self-therapy your, your, your like, your giving yourself therapy. If that makes sense. Cause you're, you're asking yourself questions, then you're asking them and you're talking to yourself and you're having a healthy conversation and just thinking things through and it allows you to review today and just, and see how, having got you here. Do you want to share, I know you were going to share with us some, some tips on how to manage stress. what have you got 

Ruth Fogg: Well, I went, when the pandemic started, I do quite a bit of voluntary work in my village and I designed a leaflet which went into every dough, in the village to help people. But most, most tips, stress tips you can find online. and I'm not denying your question here, but they are very general things which most of us can adhere to quite easily. But it's knowing how to deal with this specific. So like keeping a journal in response to what you said, it's like having a clear out at the end of the day. Now, when, when you've had a meal, you clear up, you wash the dishes, put them in the dishwasher, whatever you clear up next. Exactly the same. So once you've cleared, Oh the baggage of the day, by getting it out of your mind onto paper, Oh, speaking to someone, then you can relax and go to sleep and you'll probably get a healthier sleep. 

Ruth Fogg: Now sleep is so buried. Very important because if we're worrying, we're thinking about things I can't get to sleep. Then the next day we'd go sluggish and it becomes a downward spiral. So I think the fast tip is to try and get a good night's sleep. That doesn't mean having half a bucket of line because that that's not going to help. And I would suggest to everybody who does dry January, because you're cleaning your body out as well. But, at the moment, I think it's vitally important for people to keep in touch with friends and family and of consume is a wonderful tool for doing that as is the telephone. But if close with Tim, you can see facial expressions as well, which helps because body language tells you FOMO. And the words that are actually said, indeed. So just carry on with a few tips. Please do not watch every news bulletin. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. The reason why I'm silent is because I'm so angry because what's wrong with news being positive. Why can't we just have uplifting news It's everywhere you go. It's negative. And we seem to be attracted to it. And that's why they give it to us because they know we are attracted to it. if you ask getting news person, they'll tell you positive news does a sale, but it, this comes back to, I think this comes back to what you made a point earlier where you said, we love, you said something about us loving negativity or something. I can't remember the exact words, but you mentioned something about, we just have an attraction to, to the negative and maybe that's it with news. And that's why I you're right. Don't listen to news. Cause it's not a negative because for some reason we just are attracted to it. 

Ruth Fogg: Yeah. and it's, it's a bit scary at the moment. I mean, we only need to you know, the nine o'clock would attend the one o'clock footage and then it just gets depressing. And of course, once you guys get into that spiral, you get scared, then you get stressed and it just goes on and on. So, also drink the mobile too. You have, staying hydrated the more clearly you thing. So there was an experiment, separate days together, but children who would get lunch without, after lunch in the afternoons and school, then those who had drinks and Shepparton. So wheelchair is important in terms of thinking planning, but just junk food, sat on abuse. One because sugars and fats make fish, but try and get some fresh air every day. Even if it's just walking around the garden or sticking your head out. Because again, that place your head on into bed. And if you are outside, get in touch with Nate. Really. You look at the, the bulbs coming up and the leaves on the trees and look at the birds. And because it does have a calming influence, you did much better. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. I think, I think what you're saying to say is try and be if you're are, when you're outside, try and be present, don't just be a zombie working through a be present. Appreciate nature. Just basking the beauty of, of nature and the commonness cause and be a one with the universe. Yeah. 

Ruth Fogg: I avoid caffeine. you know, or eggs. 

Speaker 3: That's me. I like my coffee, 

Ruth Fogg: But it can increase agitation and anxiety, 

Speaker 3: But, but you read it someplace. Is that coffee's good for you I'm con I'll be honest. Now that's what my new read. I mean, you know what It's like you, every journal is, has got an agenda, but you've read one. There's a, coffee's good for you. If you're doing coffee is not good. And it depends on the time of the year or, or who's who's the flavour of the month.

Ruth Fogg: Yeah. But I think it's about, how much coffee modulation. Yeah. An excess of caffeine is not good for you. I think you have one or two cups a day. That's fine. But again, it depends how strong you have it, but an excess that's, that's the key. That's the key word. right. Deep breathing, increasing your oxygen into your body. So you breathe in, count to full, hold it for four and then breathe out for food. And that again will come the buggy down 

Speaker 3: Four, four, four. So breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds and then let it out over four seconds. Harassment. That's pretty good. Actually. 

Ruth Fogg: I'm not, that's pretty simple. And you could do that any time. now that X one I've got on my list here is make time to switch off, read, listen to music. We watch a film, but the trouble is at the moment. I think we're all guessing with square eyes watching television because we can't get out and about. So again, I would suggest in moderation, with the television, but listening to music, reading, I mean, I've spent a lot of time doing, online courses and some of them they're very cheap. Some of them are free and it's good to, to stimulate the mind. And it's a distraction as well, because if you are just dwelling on your own circumstances, then again, that can be stressful. So here's another simple one. Smile, smiling. Reese releases the endorphins, which are the feel good hormones. So if you have a chance to smile or laugh, laughter is great. 

Ruth Fogg: Medicine put comedies on the television, have a good laugh. what else do I got down here Play virtual games online with friends. But again, be careful because they can be addictive and plan each day. Even if it's planning meals, you're going to have what time you're going to do, go for group because having a plan or a structure each day is important. Yeah. And if, if things change during the day, that's fine. But if you've got a basic structure, reason to get up in the morning, then that's important having some sense of purpose. And then I've got written down here, listen, to keep calm and carry on. I riches. I know geo, which I did at the beginning of lockdown, which I'm more than happy to send to you, send to your listeners because it is a relaxation, light, hypnosis CD, which helps people to relax and unwind. But if I'm, if I'm allowed to do a bit of a plug, you could of course read my books. Yes. 

Speaker 3: Which is a nice segue for you to tell us about your books and the books you've got on. Tell us about them, tell us those books and what they're about and where we can find them. 

Ruth Fogg: Right. Well, the first one I did, it was two months ago, two months, two years ago now, which was, stress and stuff, tackling teenage mental health. I started, I'd always want you to write a book, but I started writing this book and my youngest son said to me, mom, why are you writing a book for adults, your background and Jason youth work, write it about adolescence. So I started rewriting it for adolescents. And then I thought, hang on a minute, teenagers out, got into pod book. So about what I did was I changed it to tackling teenage mental health, which is for parents and people who live or work with young people so they can help their teenagers themselves. And it talks about adolescent issues and also how they can deal with it themselves. So it's full of stuff, the chapters, us stuff, and does helpful stuff and tapping stuff. 

Ruth Fogg: So it teaches the parents how to work with young people in their lives, to actually teach them how to do the tapping for themselves. Yeah. So that was the first one. The second one is stress and stuff tackling tough times, which you mentioned earlier. And that includes not just my client experiences, but also stories from people who I've met through the professional speaking association. And a lot of them tell their stories. So this one, as I said earlier, a tsunami survivor who was gang raped at 13. And she survived that, a young woman, the age of 13. And I still shot her. When I think of this, she was at her school spooked, stay, throwing a javelin and killed her best friend with the Joplin. Obviously it was an accident, but she had to live with that for many, many, many years. there's a couple of other stories and, of, a trends journey and how he became she and how that, how that was stressful phone. And indeed still is in many, many circumstances. I mean I could talk all day about the difference. 

Speaker 3: Oh yeah, no doubt that, that book sounds like, that sounds like a good one. I'm going to get that too. Cause it just sounds like a book that there's nothing quite like learning through other's experiences and stories. It just has this amazing effect. So, where can we find that book 

Ruth Fogg: they went on Amazon, I say all because I've just finished a third one that should be released. And hopefully by the end of January, but just tackling students' stress. So I think students have had a really tough time in the context of their exam results last year and then going off to university and not having the experience they should have. So, yeah, the third one is student stress, but I'm also writing, surprisingly separate books. I'm mailing the metric monkey had, I'm guessing together a package. So the bit book and among key, for children, Henri age, I would say 

Speaker 3: It's amazing for making stuff for people who, so everyone, you know, where to just root fog. If you look on Amazon agency, on her books there and people who wanted to reach out to you and what's the best way to reach out to you or, find out more, 

Ruth Fogg: But by email initially it's Ruth stress works and our stress works is stress w O R X O lumbered, not Ks stress works.co.uk, and I'll be happy to respond and also send anybody who feels they need to keep calm, carry  or self-help guide to emotional freedom technique. Okay. 

Speaker 3: No, that's fine. we'll put a link to dos in the show notes. If you'd go into the show notes and when you're listening to the podcast, if you look into the show notes, you should find the link to some of these things. So thank you for giving that to the listeners. Now short, they will enjoy it and to make a big impact. 

Ruth Fogg: There is plenty of information about stress on my website, which is stress works.co.uk, and this download on how the mind drugs. Okay. 

Speaker 3: Fantastic. Fantastic. Wow. Thank you. This has been an amazing, amazing session. if we sat down, we could just talk on everything really because, it's just, it's, it's mental health more than more, it's becoming obvious to everyone that it's, it's a big part. And like you said, because what the mind represses, the body expresses, if we've got the mind rights that would reduce so much of the physical problems that we're having, but a lot of the stuff that we're having physical, I mean, physical does happen, but you will be amazed at what, just having a better, healthier quality of life and a healthy mind how, what an impact that will have on us. Cause at the very least we'd be better. We'll be able to deal with physical better if we're in a better mental state, won't we But here's another no, I love it. 

Speaker 3: A calm mind is a calm body. That's true. That's true. Because when you spoke about deep breath, it's it's, I don't use it a lot, but you have a lot about elite sports, men and women when they are in the moment of pressure, the highest pressure, maybe a football is going to play a penalty in the world cup in the final. At the last minute, what they say is deep breath. They, they, they take a very deep breath. Like you say, like the four for four breathe deep for four seconds, hold it in for four seconds and let it out for four seconds. And that allows them to be in the moment and present and just calm. So, I mean, this has been really useful. Thank you, Ruth. really, really appreciate appreciated. I mean, you heard it, everyone. It's been an amazing session. 

Speaker 3: These are tough times. This is challenging times and Lisa even stressful times, but it's very important. We understand why we're stressed. What memories did we carry around with us that have left grooves What what's in our subconscious that is not causing us to react negatively to certain things. The better we are understanding why we do the things you do and why we behave the way we behave, the better we can be at managing it as sometimes even if we need to seeing people like VU for help to get it, help us get through it. So my message to you this, yeah, this week, and this year is look after your mental health focused on cleaning up the mess, doing the right things, using those tips and start to build up a good mental picture of yourself and good habits to look after your mental health. And hopefully when you have a mind that is free, that calm you'll have a calm body get unleashed, stay unleashed.