Shawna: 0:00
Welcome to the less stress Family podcast, where we believe you are valuable and what you do matters.
Justin: 0:12
Episode number 12 I am Justin
Shawna: 0:16
I'm Shawna.
Justin: 0:17
How are you, honey?
Shawna: 0:18
I'm good. How are you today? All right, hang in there.
Justin: 0:22
I'm going in there for sure.
Shawna: 0:23
All right. Good. Very good. So, what are we talking about today?
Justin: 0:27
Well, we're gonna talk today about howto have on how to find the right perspective.
Shawna: 0:34
Okay? And that's always the same perspective.
Justin: 0:37
No. Yes. No.
Shawna: 0:40
All right, let's
Justin: 0:41
talk about it.
Shawna: 0:42
A ticket is gig doll with the story.
Justin: 0:46
You know, we like to hunt. We like to deer hunt where we live. We can do that pretty easy. We have lots of beer around here that stand in our yard and whatever, and we eat all the meat, and it was basically remain It is our main meat source. Yeah, um, deer meat. So venison. So, um, when I'm teaching early in the mornings, um, the boys will like the oldest two boys there. 13 and 11 now. Yeah, they will. They will go outside early, right before sunrise sometimes. And take the binoculars times they'll take the gun, which has a scope, but they don't take necessarily bullets the rounds with him, and I keep the magazine with me. So when I get done teaching right, I go out there. It's depends on what time it is, but early, still early in the morning and the boys having this, uh, this one particular town, the boys have been glass ing, which means you just stand there and you look with binoculars or, you know, they look down the scope and so they're looking in the way our our field and this is not like out West. This is like thick, very thick underbrush. Especially there's not been a hard frost you can't see very well, so you really have to scope and really glass are flat. No, it's not flat in the shadows in the morning. It's It's hard, it's hard to say. So the boy's been out there for probably a good hour. Before I was out there and, uh, which is fun, and I walked out there, I didn't have anything, Um, and immediately I saw two dear setting and I was like, Are you gonna shoot those dear? Look what dear? Because the problem is, they have been looking all right. But they have been so zoomed in with their perspective that they couldn't see kind of the obvious thing if you're gonna go deer hunting, right, right. So we laugh about it. It's kind of a continual joke. What do you think? You'll see that. Tell him where they see that. If somebody says, Hey, do you see that? And they're like, What, dear? That's kind of like a joke in our house, right? So we're talking about zooming in and zooming out. Some people call it, you know, just perspective. Some people call it awareness or detachment, or there's lots of different times. Okay. Are you gonna talk now? You're during
Shawna: 3:08
tag now. You know, with all of our digital devices, everybody understand zooming in, zooming out. But for May, Sometimes it's even helpful to think of like either having a microscope in my hand for having a telescope in my hand. Like, um, I gonna be super looking at details and focused in Or am I gonna like, step on the drone and go back and further away from the situation? So I have a more panoramic view of what's happening,
Justin: 3:37
right? Right. Yeah, you can, You know, like Google Maps or any of those kind of map stuff online. You can do that. Also, like with the binoculars. You can zoom in or a camera zoom in or zoom out like the scope of a rifle. You can dial it in and look really small area, or you can dial it back out and you can look at a larger area, right? So that's kind of what we're talking about for human perspective on life around you.
Shawna: 4:04
So let's give a couple examples to make that that's all been very theoretical,
Justin: 4:08
right? Except dear
Shawna: 4:11
dear, practically speaking like if you've ever been in a work situation where someone in a corporate office thousands of miles away made a decision. And you know that when you put that new policy into practice, it's the stupidest thing you've ever seen, and it is not a good fit it all well, that corporate person was looking at information you don't have access to, so they were just looking at the very big perspective. They were totally zoomed out. The difference being that frontline worker has, you know, they could see the practicality of. Well, this policy isn't gonna play out well for the customer or for the employees or whoever. But that front line worker doesn't have all the numbers that were used to make that decision. So the frontline worker is totally zoomed in,
Justin: 5:03
right? And it also applies to your wife or husband. Your spouse, Right, Um, or your kids, Right. You can be totally zoomed in on something, and they could be totally zoomed out looking at the same thing, but looking at total totally different. And that could bring a lot of stress.
Shawna: 5:23
Yeah, absolutely. If you've got two people in a relationship who have different focuses or perspectives on somebody's
Justin: 5:31
can be beautiful, as long as you can begin to dial in from their perspective and they can dial in from your perspective,
Shawna: 5:39
right. I think that communication is the key there,
Justin: 5:41
right? And so, like, you know, for our kids, whatever age a child is, they could be zoomed in to something some ah, toy or something. Somebody said bad to them or something that happened to them. And that can honestly be like the end of the world for them. Right? So they're so zoomed in on that. And that's that. Some kids, you know, that that's why they commit suicide right there, so zoomed in. They've lost total perspective. They can't zoom out of there, there the black holder in. And it's a really problem. It is a real solution, and it's a real problem, and we'll have the skill to zoom in. We'll have the skill to zoom out, and you have to do both a lot
Shawna: 6:23
Right again. It's a skill that has to be practiced like anything else. Yes, so and you know, another just really practical example. A little bit lighter is anyone who's ever tried to take a toy away from a toddler. You know that, toddler, It's like the world has ended when you try to take that toy away because they are hyper focused. Zoomed in on that toy. You is the parent. No, we've got to put the toy away because we have to go get in the car now to make it to the doctor's appointment. So you have zoomed out and healthy, you know, way to operate and to decrease your stress level is to make it a practice to be able to zoom in and out on a fairly regular basis. You have to have both to be ableto operate at a high level,
Justin: 7:11
right? And when you're stuck a lot times that you're stuck just like a child stuck on that toy. Sometimes when you get stuck zoomed at a certain level Like, for example, if I zoom out too much, I I love to zoom out. I state my head's in the clouds of lifetimes, Right, Right. The problem is, I see too many options and then becomes What do you call it? Analysis. Paralysis, process of analysis. Right, Right. Like you Don't you see so many things and you're so many possibilities. They're going through your head. You don't do any of them, right? Can't zoom in to just say, OK, let's start here, you know? And then you see people too, that you're zoomed in. Like maybe if maybe a bill comes in right? And you didn't expect it, right? You get I get so zoomed in on that particular bill. The world is over, the world has ended. I'm going to be the dad Jerk. I'm going to make everyone know that this is the biggest problem. The world has ever faced this unexpected bill. It is over. The world is over.
Shawna: 8:09
Right? Right. So then the solution is learning within yourself to know when you need to shift perspectives. And I think sometimes, you know, particularly in a marriage when you can help each other with that. Um, So last week I was just feeling frustrated and wiped out, and we were on a walk and you pointed out, You're like, Hey, you've lost a family member. You've had these two other very stressful situations that have happened this month. Like, give yourself some grace. Look at the big picture. And that was really helpful for me. It was like, Oh, yeah. Um, good point.
Justin: 8:51
I'm glad I'm very helpful. E always remember that. Need to write that down, Put it on your mirror. My husband is very helpful. I will keep
Shawna: 9:01
him. You are funny.
Justin: 9:06
You put that on there to
Shawna: 9:08
another example would be, you know, if like if we're talking about Children like you might know in general that your child is 1/5 grader and that they play soccer and they like to play, you know, Xbox or whatever when they get home. but asking for some of those zoom in questions like, Hey, what's what's the hardest thing for that child in their day to day life, you know? Or hey, who are you sitting next to in lunch, zooming in and getting some of those details so that you have a better understanding of your child,
Justin: 9:41
Right? Right, Because we can actually zoom out on our kids. Oh yeah, they're in fifth grade. They have this class that first they have this class. But zoom in is a long time. What's really helpful, right with your kids and their emotions, right? But usually, usually you need to start zooming once you had a problem and realize you had a problem,
Shawna: 10:00
right? It's a helpful question to kind of have in the back of your mind when you know you were in a stressful state to just say OK, I'm looking at it from this perspective. How can I look at this from a different perspective like, well, that helped me feel unstuck where I can get out of this stressful place,
Justin: 10:21
right? And for May 1 of the best tools that I know is what would I tell another person who's in my exact same situation. Mm. Like I try, I try. And it's so hard sometimes it's like fish in the water. You just can't see another perspective. You Thank you Think the way that you're stuck in that perspective is the way it has to me. But if I can say OK. Ah. And that's kind of what I did for you on that walk was like, Hey, uh, what would you tell someone? Who and I listed all the things that you have happened since Christmas? Right, Right. I listed all these things that have happened in your life, and I was like, What would you tell that person? You probably won't tell the person what? You just need to try harder. You know what I mean? It's like, you know what I'm saying? You would be like, Oh, yeah. Uh, of course, that's a lot. That's a lot for that, you know? And that helps me sometimes, Yes. Another thing that helps me. Yes, it is. I have to change what change my place and changing my activity.
Shawna: 11:23
Help shift that perspective.
Justin: 11:25
Right? So if I'm sitting at my desk staring at the computer trying to solve a problem. Usually sitting in my desk and staying at the computer More is not going to solve. Not probably. Right. So getting up like we try to walk every day usually are brainstorming right time, right to G o and talk. So I think that's helpful. Um, your activity, if you have been sitting, get your blood flowing. That's why I think it's so important to get exercise in the morning, right? Just get your blood flow right. What about you?
Shawna: 11:54
Well, and I was gonna add in. You know, we've talked about this some with gratitude, but also, you know, when you zoom out, you could do way out. You can zoom out into bringing in people from other cultures you consume out, including other historical time periods. So, you know, no matter what the situation is that you're dealing with, then you know you can consider how does this compare to if I woke up and had to go get my water from the river and carried on my head two miles and then boil it before I could give my Children anything to drink? You know, there's always a broader perspective that can help you see okay? Yes, I'm in a hard spot, but gosh, it could be so much worse, right? I still have a lot to be thankful for here,
Justin: 12:43
and you can zoom out and go. My husband's not really a jerk. He's trying. He's really trying. He's may be misguided a little bit. He may be a little frustrated, but he's a wonderful man.
Shawna: 12:55
Yes, actually, I wrote that this morning in my journal. I was frustrated about something, and I was like, I'm so thankful for my husband so good. Yeah, Yeah, definitely. All right. So just to kind of recap the problem a lot of times when we're feeling stressed, is that we're stuffed, stuck in one perspective. And so if we can shift that, whether that zooming in and looking at details or that zooming out and having a broader view of ourselves in our situation in the midst of a larger context simply having that change in perspective, a lot of times will open up solutions for us and give us the freedom to move and, you know, even just one baby step to change what's happening.
Justin: 13:43
Yeah, And for may just help some rise to my rule. Sometimes it takes me a while, but don't realize that I'm having a yucky feeling about this. Whatever this is, I'm like, Oh, I need to shift and change a little bit, right? Not to say that yucky feeling won't go away. But for May, I'm starting to trying to tune into that more
Shawna: 14:02
right. And we all appreciate that
Justin: 14:06
otherwise the yucky feeling grows and explodes.
Shawna: 14:09
Yeah, Yes.
Justin: 14:10
Oh, okay.
Shawna: 14:11
Well, thank you so much for taking the time to tune in and hang out with us. Remember, you are valuable. And what do you do? Matters. You were also not alone. Connect with us in the rest of the less stress family community on Facebook by searching for less stress, family podcast and on our personal instagrams mine is Shauna Suri Would
Justin: 14:32
Justin Ray would.
Shawna: 14:34
And now we have the l s f podcast dot com website that you can connect with us there. You can actually subscribe Thio receive our e mails. You'll have a blessed day.
Justin: 14:48
Yeah, Thanks.