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way. Welcome to the less stress family podcast, where we believe you are valuable and what you do matters. This is

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episode number 21. My name is Justin,

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and I'm Sean. I'm good. How

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are you, honey?

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I'm good. How are you? Good. I am hoping this podcast not explode in my face. Very

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self. Unless I thank you to all the awesome support and encouraging messages and is pretty crazy from our little bedroom here. This thing is going across the United States and back and forth. It's It's been pretty awesome.

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It is. Thank you so much to everybody who has subscribed, who has sent us a message of encouragement or anything like that. It is so been appreciated.

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Yeah, very encouraging. So what are we talking about today, honey,

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today we're talking about admitting when you are wrong.

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Now, I have no experience of dealing with admitting when I'm right. Yeah, right. As I'm perfect, I have no problems. Uh, so I don't know what you're gonna say today. Good luck with your episode.

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So the story came to mind when we started talking about this was one when our second born was he was just really talking, So I'm going to say two or three because he wasn't probably three. He wasn't talking a lot, but he was talking some and we were at a large gathering and there was a person there that shall remain nameless. But you can picture a grumpy old man and our son walked over to him, finger pointed and said, Re bent on and then walked away, Right? Leaving said Grumpy old man staring evil stares.

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It was not good

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at the parents, but it was funny, But it was funny because

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I think I had chained him. It's we've heard a sermon or something about repent. And so I just taught our son to walk around and point and say repent. So I thought that was gonna be

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Hello, are you?

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Well, I never saw it coming to that because it did have a little bit of ripple effect in

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our life. Yeah, it did. But it was It was good, even though it had that effect, because it started the conversation early with our Children about repainting, which when we it's such a like heavy loaded Bible religious term. But really, when you look at the translation of it. It means to turn and so

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change your mind basically

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turn and you're

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headed one way, and you basically like Nah, I'm not gonna head this way. I'm gonna head back the other way.

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So for the listeners, if you fast forward 10 years our daughter Now, instead of saying repent will come up and say, Do you need to turn your ship around? That's what she says.

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She's never said that, but it's the same idea.

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She asked me a lot. Mama, Can I turn my shit around? That means she's trying to avoid whatever consequences otherwise coming

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her way. Yeah, maybe. Maybe she has a complete

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heart that that goes over a lot better with grumpy old men.

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Yeah. So we're basically talking about just coming to the place where you can admit that you have messed up? Yes, and whatever it was, maybe the plan or maybe your emotions or whatever, right? Whatever were you come to a place where you're healthy enough where you can say you know what? Sorry I messed up and not just say I'm sorry, but maybe ask him to forgive you, and then you need to change like I have to. I have to change being a jerk dead, right? Right.

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And it really came about our teaching on this with the kids because there was some point in each of our toddlers lives where they learned the words. I'm sorry. And for some brief number of days, they would think that I'm sorry or magical fairy dust words, and they could do whatever long as they said I'm sorry. And get away with it,

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right? And keep going back to the

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scene. So we had to do a teaching on, you know, when we say we're sorry, it means that we have changed our mind. And so our actions follow up with that change of mind. You can't color on the wall. Say I'm sorry and go color on the wall again,

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right? Right. Just cause you get caught. That's not I'm sorry, right? Right, right. So But I think also that's with our kids. But if you if you ever had a boss or someone at your work who's never wrong, you know what I mean? Like, that's what we're talking about. Two. Because you have to come to a point where you say you know what Hey, this this this plan or this thing that I've initiated, it's not working. Let's let's shift gears here. You want that boss, who says, Hey, this isn't working as opposed to the boss who sees it's not working but says, You know what? I don't care. I made this call. You are We're gonna stick to it, E But they will never have that conversation out loud. You know what I mean? Because it's just they're not healthy enough as a person, right? So I think I think the bottom line. If you can't admit that you're wrong, it's just a sign of weakness. And everybody sees it as a sign of incompetence and weakness. Right, including your kids,

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including your kid to glut of your spouse spouse. That is exactly what I say. It's really ownership. You know who's going to Maine, a woman. Enough woman up enough to take ownership for the choice that you made realise, say, this isn't gonna work. We need a new plan of action and then implement the new plan.

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I agree. You may say something else because I don't really know what I'll say. I tell Yes, go.

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So here's the beautiful thing. We started having that conversation with our kids when they were preschool and toddler, and now it is such a natural part of our family's culture, right? For someone to come and to say I was wrong. I'm going to do this different thing now, right? And for the other people in the family just very easily be able to forgive that person, right? And so because it's not this huge, you know, universal shake kind of thing for someone to admit that they're wrong because we all mess up all the time and so having that freedom to say, Hey, I messed up. I'm going to try this other plan instead,

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right? I remember my mom

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s o free.

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Remember my mom and dad saying different times? Hey, I'm sorry or something. You know something to those effect, And it does have a big, huge ripple on your family.

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Oh, yeah, because it's just

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like it kind of disarms everyone. You know what I mean? Because you're fighting against something, and then when it's just totally disarmed, you're like, you have no more weapons and you're like, Okay, let's not fight about this. You know what I mean, right? It shifts the whole house in such a great way,

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right? Right. Absolutely. And I think you know us as adults modeling that for our Children. Although, hopefully your kids are making more mistakes than the parents are making. But for them to see that, and then it it allows them to follow that example. So when you live in a culture even within your home, that expects perfection. Yeah, that is really stressful. I have I have been in that household before, and it is not a fun place to leave in,

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even if you'd say, Oh, we're not driving, trying to be perfection. But if you don't have a space for admitting when you're wrong, right then it's understood. Perfection is the is the only possibility. You know what I mean? You have to give space to say, Hey, I admit that I was off about this. I'm sorry

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and kind of like a protocol for how do we do that Or, you know, for our daughter, when she says, Mama, can I turn my ship around? You know, that's her code language on Dhe. She has permission to do that,

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right? Right, right. I think a ce faras protocol. Are we gonna get down to? I don't remember what we talked about this,

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but how do we make it practical? Like what

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we do is what I usually have to do is because I don't want to go to that place where I admit that I'm wrong or you know what I mean? Like, you

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could be, like, encouraging. Supposed

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to that laugh like, Yeah, I know. Okay, so we end up for me in

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a long

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time for you to we end up, we all. I want to sit down face to face with them. Because if I'm talking, I don't I don't apologize for just almost, like, silly stuff, but silly stuff. If that makes it like, you can apologize for everything, right? Hey, I made a mistake here. I should what? You know what I mean. But for the bigger things, like, we usually have a sit down living room. Everybody come in here, right, and it's usually like quick and it's to the point. Guys, I'm really sorry for this. And then if it'll happen, but usually try to reconnect like a hug or something, right? Is that what you think it kind of looks

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like it's totally two or three minutes, right? I'll be

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around the dinners.

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All of the boys in our house cannot process that many words anyway. So no, like me, you don't know long explanations needed, but yeah. And for us in the large family, it helps just to bring the group together. Kids like when I go into monster mode, I want everybody in the whole house to Nam upset, which means

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closing the doors,

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including the doors. I need everyone in the house gathered back together to know that because I've turned my ship, do

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you think the eye contact face to face dealing with it, as opposed to just saying in passing? Hey, guys, I'm sorry. Sticking my head in the room. You know what I mean? Like playing video games. I stick my head in the room, So Hey, guys, I'm really sorry about the way I was angry earlier, right or whatever. Like that's not okay. Like I don't feel like that's an okay level. That's a better level, right? But not addressing it because But I know the kids will be like, What did he say?

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Right, Right. And I think, you know, how do you want your moody teenager to come apologize to you right when they've messed up, because it's gonna happen. So do you want him like to say it is They walk by you, or do you want to really sit down with you have eye contact and talk about this was the issue. And this is my new game,

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right? And it is not. And it's not gonna preach now during the forgiveness time, because you can't You can't say Oh, please forgive me. And now I'm going to tell you what you all did wrong, right? You know what I mean? Like, I think it kind of needs to be its own Think. Yeah. And then and then even a few minutes later, at another maybe need to gather another come by on time, Right? But at the dinner table, whatever. And say this is the new plan for whatever

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right? And I would say this is helpful not only if your apparent So let's say you don't have Children or let's say you raised your Children and they're out of the house if you are living with someone. But ultimately, if you interact with other human beings. On any level, this is a helpful thing to practice for sure. And it's been really good even for our marriage in a code. Word that we use your phrase is not fun to be with. You know, like, if I've hit that, like, emotional overload place just coming at me like honey, I'm sorry. I have not been fundamental,

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right? It is. It is an

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apology. You just give

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space. You know what I mean? Like you're just giving space to kind of disarm both sides. Yeah, emotionally, I'm not talking like hopefully don't have a gun to shoot me, but, you know, I mean, like, emotionally disarm the other person and yourself to come to a safe spot right where you can't least and it doesn't mean the issues resolved. I know what I mean. It just means like you're readyto re redo yourself. I don't know.

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Look at the problem with a different story,

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right? Right. Because your other one didn't work.

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Didn't work out

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so well because if you don't, you just gonna run the ship into the ground. You know what I'm saying? Like, turn your ship around. You just gonna crash, right? And it's not gonna be pretty. Yeah, and then you And then if you don't admit the crash, then you're gonna be like, let's just continue

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with business. Run for political office is Yeah, for sure s o. The problem that we've been talking about is trying to pretend like you don't mess up. And the reality is that just causes stress for everybody for show. And the solution is having a protocol, having a space and having ah culture within your home, even within your workplace, that allows for that. If you're in any kind of management position, you know, and it could be really like you have to swallow some pride to do. That's

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the bottom line.

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Um, but I think ultimately people respect you more. Is the leader when you do that?

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So, yeah, I think about how you can create that space, right? And in each person so different with your spouse, it might be a different conversation. All right, we've got to the point now where we've grown used to we would have to we have to fume. We first got married a few for several days, then just be missing each other because we hadn't talked to each other for a couple of days

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because when we were really the most angry, our house is silent way. Just don't also wonderful. Okay, That's where we're wrapping this episode up. Thank you so much for taking time to tune in and hang out with us. Remember, you are valuable and what you do matters you are also not alone. We would love for you to connect with us and the rest of the lustrous family community on Facebook on Instagram on our website. And we would also love for you to subscribe. So you don't miss any of these next awesome episode coming up. Have a blessed day.

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Thank you.