‘The Legend of Narcissus and Echo,’ as told by Nanny Piggins

‘Michael,’ snapped Nanny Piggins. ‘Why are you looking so glum? Did you accidentally flush your lunch down the toilet again. Do you urgently need a chocolate chip cookie to restore your blood sugar levels?’

Nanny Piggins didn’t even waitfor Michael to respond. She shoved a chocolate chip cookie in his mouth, just to be on the safe side. She was a great believer in preventative medicine.

Once Michael had chewed and swallowed the cookie, then eaten eight more because Nanny Piggins had baked them so they were seriously good, he had perked up enough to tell he what happened.

‘No it wasn’t that,’ he assured her. ‘I learned my lesson. Testing the buoyancy of a sandwich can’t end well.’

‘Then what’s on your mind?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘You’re usually such a cheerful boy and here you are staring listlessly off into space.’

‘It’s a bit embarrassing,’ said Michael.

‘All the best stories are,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Like the time I tried to blast myself over the taj mahal, but as I rocketed through the sky at two hundred kilometres an hour, I slightly misjudged my trajectory, cut it a bit fine and got my underwear elastic caught on the spinneret.’

‘Thank goodness you were wearing underwear,’ said Derrick. It was not unknown for Nanny Piggins to be so excited about blasting herself out of a cannon that she forgot to don this important piece of safety equipment.’

‘Yes,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Although I had to take them off to get down. Then they were stuck up there for the rest of the day until a crow took them to line her nest.’

‘I can see how that would be embarrassing,’ said Samantha. If anything even one hundredth as embarrassing as that ever happened to her she’d be sure to die instantly of her head exploding from extreme blushing.

‘Yes, I suppose,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘But it was a good day for the crow. It would up having a silk lined French designer nest that must have been the envy of the entire bird population of India.’

‘So are you not wearing any underwear?’ asked Nanny Piggins.

‘What?’ asked Michael.

‘Because something similar happened to you?’ said Nanny Piggins.

‘Oh no,’ said Michael. ‘Nothing like that. It’s nothing really. It’s just a girl at school called me a name.’

‘A name?’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘What’s wrong with that? You have a perfectly nice name - Michael.’

‘No, she didn’t call me that,’ said Michael. ‘She called me a mean name.’

‘Dunderhead?’ guessed Nanny Piggins.

‘No,’ said Michael.

‘No undies boy?’ guessed Nanny Piggins.

‘I was wearing undies!’ protested Michael.

‘Then what could she possibly have called you?’ asked Nanny Piggins.

‘She called me a… narcissist,’ said Michael.

‘Oh,’ said Nanny Piggins.

‘I don’t know what it means,’ said Michael. ‘It’s bad isn’t it.’

‘Well Narcissus was a character from the Ancient Greek Story times,’ said Nanny Piggins. 

‘Oh no,’ said Michael. ‘People were dreadful in the Ancient Greek story times. Did he have the head of a water buffalo and the body of a turtle and inhabit a hedge maze where he would devour lost orphans?’

‘No,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Narcissus was – incredibly good looking.’

‘What?’ said Michael.

‘He was staggeringly beautiful,’ said Nanny Piggins.

‘Men are handsome, not beautiful,’ said Samantha.

‘Most men aren’t either,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘But Narcissus was so handsome he went beyond the limits of handsomeness and achieved extreme beauty.’

‘Did lots of women fall in love with him?’ asked Samantha.

‘Everyone fell in love with him!’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘They couldn’t help themselves. It was like seeing a chocolate mudcake for the first time. He was just that attractive. The problem was – he wasn’t interested in any of them. He was only interested in one thing…’

‘Chocolate chip cookies,’ asked Michael. He was stuffing his twelfth cookie into his mouth as he asked this so he could have understood if that’s what happened.

‘No, Narcissus was only interesting in – hunting,’ said Nanny Piggins.

‘Oh,’ said Samantha, disappointed. ‘That’s not very romantic.’

‘He wasn’t interested in romance,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘He just liked hunting animals down and killing them, but there weren’t supermarkets back in the Ancient Greek Story times so people who could go and fetch dinner were much more highly regarded back then, so the fact that this incredibly good-looking young man had no interest in anything except killing animals didn’t seem so odd back then.’

Michael’s forehead scrunched up as he tried to understand. So far, Nanny Piggins story was not making things clearer.

‘But he wasn’t the star of the show,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I know in most stories incredibly good looking people are always the heroes. But not in this one. He’s just a minor character.’

‘Who’s the major character?’ asked Derrick.

‘Echo,’ said Nanny Piggins.

‘Echo?’ said Michael.

‘Echo,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Are we repeating the word to demonstrate what an echo is?’

‘No, I’m just surprised,’ said Derrick. ‘We didn’t know that Echo was a character.’

‘Oh yes,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘She was a pig-nymph.’

‘What a pig-nymph?’ asked Samantha. 

‘They’re incredibly beautiful free-spirited pigs who live happily amongst nature,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘In the ancient Greek story books they’re referred to as wood nymphs.’

‘Why?’

‘My great great great times 172 greats aunt Ovid Piggins, who wrote a lot of the original ancient story books, swapped the names out so as not to attract attention to the family,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘It’s hard enough being an incredibly beautiful pig, without being a famous ancient story times character as well.’

‘Anyway, these pig-nymphs were doing what they always do,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Dancing singing frolicking happily, when Zeus came by.’

‘Oh dear,’ said the children.

They’d heard Nanny piggins versions of several fo the ancient Greek stories so they kenw that Zeus was a total rotter.

‘Yes,’ agreed Nanny Piggins. ‘He’d just had a big row with his wife, Hera. While she popped out to the shed to fetch a lightning bolt to throw at him, Zeus snuck down to earth to get away. He bumped in to these lovely beautiful carefree creatures and of course he wanted to dance and frollick too. 

But he knew Hera would soon notice he was gone and come looking for him, so he needed something to distract her. That’s when he spotted my great great great times 171 great cousin, Echo Piggins. She was just explaining in great detail to another pig nymph exactly how to make a deca-cho-chocolate souffle with extra chocolate.’

‘You there,’ he called. ‘My wife is about to come this way. I order you to distract her for as long as you can.’

Echo was a Piggins so she wasn’t going to be spoken to like that, ‘You ‘order me’ do you...?’ she bristled. 

But Zeus was not listening. ‘Yes yes, excellent,’ he muttered. He was distracted by a movement in the sky above Mount Olympus. ‘Oh look, here she comes now. We’ll get going. Keep her here as long as possible.’

So Zeus and all the other pig nymphs danced off into the forest. And ten seconds later Hera turned up. She was the angriest looking goddess you would ever see.’

Echo’s heart immediately felt great sympathy. This woman had obviously suffered dreadfully and was in terrible emotional pain. So Echo entirely forgot about Zeus as compassion for Hera swept over her. 

‘Have you seen my husband?’ asked Hera.

‘Forget about him,’ said Echo. ‘I know just what you need.’

‘You do?’ asked Hera. Taken aback by this startling attractive pig’s confidence.

‘A great big bowl of octo choc chocolate souffle,’ said Echo.

‘What’s that?’ asked Hera.

‘A mouth wateringly delicious dessert made out of ten different types of chocolate into a pastry so fluffy and light it has to be baked with highest level of love and care,’ said Echo.

Now Hera was seriously mad at Zeus, but she hadn’t totally lost her mind. An octo-choc-chocolate souffle sounded really good. 

‘Would you like me to give you the recipe?’ asked Echo.

‘Yes, please,’ said Hera.

So Echo started dictating. Hera was a goddess, and she didn’t do a lot of her own cooking, so Echo made sure she gave really detailed fool-proof instructions about every aspect of the measuring, mixing, melting and baking. The whole thing took half an hour to explain. Hera had filled half a notebook full of neat tidy handwriting as she carefully jotted it all down. 

‘… then as soon as it comes out of the oven, you shove it all in your mouth and eat it up without sharing with anybody,’ said Echo. ‘The end.’

‘Thank you,’ said Hera. ‘I’ll try this recipe out as soon as I get home to Mount Olypus.’

Just then, they heard the sound of laughter come from deep in the woods. It sounded like a man’s laughter. A man god’s laughter. And there were pig-nymphs laugh with him. You could tell they were gorgeous by how happy they sounded.

Suddenly Hera remembered what she’d come to the woods for in the first place.

‘My husband!’ she exclaimed. ‘He’s off cavorting with the pig nymphs!’

‘They’re just dancing,’ said Echo. ‘They’re probably doing the macarena or the Nutbush or something.’

Hera looked at the extensive recipe in her hand. ‘You tricked me,’ she accused. ‘This recipe is nothing but a ruse. A decoy to distract me. While my husband is off having fun.’

‘Well he did ask me to distract you,’ admitted Echo. ‘But I wasn’t going to do it. I just gave you that recipe because you looked miserable.’

‘I look miserable, do I?’ demaned Hera.

‘No,’ said Echo. ‘Now you look terrifying.’

‘I, Hera, Queen of the Gods, will wreak my revenge on you!’ announced Hera.

‘There’s no need to get testy,’ said Echo.

‘You who cannot stop talking, will be cursed for all eternity to only be able to repeat the last words you hear!’

‘The last words you hear?’ said Echo.

‘Yes,’ said Hera.

‘Yes,’ said Echo.

‘That will teach you not to trick me,’ said Hera.

‘Trick me,’ said Echo, she clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. She couldn’t stop repeating.

Hera chased off after Zeus cackling at the cleverness of her own cruelty.

‘What a rotter,’ said Michael.

‘Yes,’ agreed Nanny Piggins. ‘Although, to be fair, being married to Zeus must have been a sore trial to her – it’s no wonder she was in a perpetually bad mood.’

Anyway -  Echo wandered the forest feeling very sorry for herself. She was never going to win trivia night now if the only thing she could say was to repeat back the last thing she heard. 

She wouldn’t be able to sing a song. Not unless it was a very tedious song with just one or two words and someone else started her off by singing the first line. 

And she wouldn’t be able to get in an argument – so she wouldn’t be able to enjoy haggling over the price of chocolate at her favourite chocolate store ever again. 

The poor thing was very cast down. She was just wandering through the forest feeling very sorry for herself when…’

‘She bumped in to Narcissus!’ said Samantha.

‘Do not interrupt when I’m telling a story,’ scolded Nanny Piggins.

‘Sorry,’ said Samantha.

‘But you are entirely right,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Echo came to a clearing and spotted Narcissus. He was probably doing something very manly like firing an arrow at a poor unsuspecting flea-ridden pigeon or something. 

Anyway, Narcissus being as freakishly good looking as he was – Echo instantly fell in love with him. But being cursed she felt shy. So she hid amongst the trees. Following Narcissus as he went about the day. 

She must have been seriously in love  -because watching someone watch for animals sounds so painfully boring to me. It would be sweet relief to take a break for a few hours to watch paint dry or watch grass grow. But Echo was so in love she just couldn’t tear her eyes away. 

Eventually, being a brilliant hunter, Narcissis did notice that someone or something was following him. He sensed that he was being watched. It only took him eight hours. He wasn’t a rocket scientist, but then rockets hadn’t been invented yet, so how could he be.

‘Who’s there?’ called Narcissus.

‘Who’s there?’ replied Echo.

‘It is I, Narcissus,’ said Narcissus.

‘Narcissus,’ said Echo, repeating his last word.

‘Your voice sounds beautiful,’ said Narcissus.

‘Your voice sounds beautiful,’ repeated Echo.

This made Narcissus feel rather smug. He was so physically good looking, people often didn’t notice that he had a beautiful voice as well. 

‘Come here,’ he called.

‘Come here,’ said Echo.

‘I see, playing hard to get. I’m coming,’ said Narcissus.

‘I’m coming,’ said Echo.

They started walking through the woods towards each other. ‘Where are you?’ called Narcissus.

‘Where are you?’ repeated Echo.

Their voices were getting closer and closer to each other all the time.

‘I’m here,’ said Narcissus.

‘I’m here,’ said Echo.

She spotted him moving up ahead, ran forward and through herself into his arms.

When Narcissus looked down and saw that he was being embraced a pig nymph he was horrified. 

‘Let go of me,’ he cried. ‘I’d never love a pig nymph.’

‘How rude!’ exclaimed Samantha.

‘I know,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘And it gets worse.’

‘Yuck,’ said Narcissus. ‘How disgusting.’

‘Disgusting,’ said Echo, with a sob.

‘Get away from me,’ said Narcissus. 

‘Away from me,’ said Echo as she ran off crying into the woods.

‘What a rotter!” wailed Boris. ‘Oh Sarah, please say you went back in time and stomped really hard on his foot.’

‘I didn’t need to,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Because Nemesis was on hand.’

‘Nemesis?’ said Michael. ‘But isn’t Nanny Anne your nemesis? Has she been around since the ancient story days?’

‘Probably,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘But no, I should explain. Nanny Anne is my nemesis. But a “nemesis” is the word for someone who is your worst enemy. In the ancient Greek story days nemesis was a person, or rather a god, in fact - the goddess of retribution! Nemesis saw how rude and mean Narcissus had been and swooped in to punish him.’

‘Go Nemesis,’ cheered Samantha.

‘She cursed Narcicsus to fall in love with – himself,’ said Nanny piggins.

‘What?’ said Derrick.

‘No, trust me,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘It’s brilliant. Because when Narcissus got thirsty as you do after a long day of hunting and saying hurtful things to beautiful pig-nymphs, he needed a drink of water, so he leaned over a brook to get a drink. But when he looked into the water he saw his own reflection and fell instantly in love.’

‘I don’t think such a rotter deserves to be in love,’ said Boris grumpily.

‘But he was so in love he couldn’t tear his eyes away,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘He just kept staring at his own reflection hour after hour, day after day until he starved to death. 

And Echo was so heart broken she gradually faded away until she was just a voice that can to this day still be heard in caves and on mountain sides when you call out. The end.’

‘That’s a dreadful story,’ said Boris.

‘Yes,’ agreed Nanny Piggins. ‘Almost all the stories from the ancient Greek stories times are dreadful. But it teaches us a valuable lesson that we Piggins have followed until this very day.’

‘What lesson?’ asked Michael.

‘Never share your chocolate souffle recipe with someone unless they are fully able to make the time commitment to jotting it down without it doing long term damage to their marriage.’

‘That’s a very specific lesson,’ said Derrick.

‘Yes, but by following it, no Piggins has been cursed by an ancient Greek god since,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘At least not for anything to do with repetative voice tricks. Come along. Time for more cookies.’

‘I thought it was time for bed,’ said Samantha.

‘You can’t go to sleep on an empty stomach,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘You might end up sleep cooking. And I absolutely won’t stand for you baking a cake in the middle of the night when we’re all asleep and can’t share it. The end.’