Nanny Piggins - Holistic Cake Healer

This is a chapter from 'Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan' the second book in the Nanny Piggins series. In this story, Nanny Piggins gets so angry with the waiting time at her doctor's office that she decides to destroy his business by setting up a Holistic Cake Healing stall right outside.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:36

Hello,

Speaker 2: 0:37

Welcome to bedtime stories with me, RA Spratt. Well, today's story comes from nanny Piggins and the wicked plan, which is the second book in the nanny pickin series. And I'm going to read for you chapter six, nanny Piggins holistic cake healer. Here we go. Nanny Piggins and Michael sat in the doctor's waiting room. Michael was not sick. He simply had a bucket stuck on his head. It was a red plastic bucket. The top you take to the beach and use to build sandcastles. It came to be stuck on Michael's head, partly because it was so red and tempting. And partly because nanny Piggins had bet him, he could not fit it on there and be in an enthusiastic boy who liked to challenge Michael won the bet, which is how he came to be in need of medical attention. Can you breathe? All right. Michael asked nanny Piggins. Yes. So long as I don't eat anything because I can only breathe through my mouth said Michael, both his nostrils were entirely sealed because his nose was pressed hard against the inside of the plastic bucket. What about angel cake? It's very light and airy suggested any Piggins that would probably be all right. Considered Michael nanny Piggins rummaged around in her handbag before finding a slice. Just take a deep breath before you put it in your mouth, then chew quickly. She advised Michael did, as he was told and on the whole, he decided angel cake was worth the risk. He would take oxygen starvation over actual starvation. Any day nanny Piggins looked about the waiting room. She did not like being made to wait to have an actual room purely for waiting, struck her as a very bad sign. She never had to wait at the ice cream shop or the bakery. And in her opinion, ice cream makers and bakers were far more important. Busy professionals than doctors. When they had first arrived with the surgery, the receptionist had assured nanny pickins that they would not have to wait long, but the receptionist idea of what long meant seemed to bear no reference to any commonly understood concept of time. Nanny Pickens wondered if the receptionist brain was existing in a parallel universe where an hour was really five seconds because they'd already been waiting for 20 minutes. And in that time, no one had come in or gone out of the doctor's room. And there were six people waiting ahead of nanny Pickens and Michael. It was clearly going to take forever. Michael could tell from the tapping of her Trotter that his nanny was getting impatient. Why don't you read a magazine? He suggested nanny. Piggins looked at the dog-eared pile of magazines, slumped on the coffee table. They're all at least five years old sitting at. He begins dismissively. So questioned Michael, the crosswords have all been done. All the good recipes have been torn out and the celebrities in the celebrity gossip articles aren't famous anymore. Explain nanny pickins Oh, said Michael plus they'd been sitting in a doctor's room for five years, which means every page has five years' worth of terms wiped on it from sick people's hands declared nanny Piggins gross said Michael, the patients currently reading magazines began to look uncomfortable. I know you said 90 pins, and just think some people lick their fingers before they turn the page. The other patients now put their magazines down. I think I'm going to be six and Michael under the bucket, he was turning a very nasty shade of green nanny. Piggins looked about the waiting room at the other sick people. The curiosity was starting to bubble. She turned to a Haggard looking woman sitting next to her. What's wrong with you? I've got chronic fatigue syndrome said the Haggard looking woman. You've got chronic Watsi. What? As many Piggins I'm tired all the time. Explain that woman. You know what? You need a big slice of chocolate mud cake every hour on the hour, advising any Piggins. But some mornings I can't even get out of bed. So the Haggard woman, then get someone to bring the cake to you on your bed said, nanny, Piggins better yet. Put a whole family size chocolate mud cake on the pillow next to you. Before you go to sleep at night, it will be impossible to be tired and depressed. When you wake up to that, a site in the morning really asked the woman, I guarantee it will perk you up, said any Piggins. Once when my circus was traveling through India, our lion Tamer dropped dead. You have to understand he was an elderly man. And it was a very hot day, but I walked it a slice of chocolate mud cake under his nose. It was and he perked right up again. He tamed lions from him eight years before he died of old age. Does the Haggard woman? No, he was eaten by a lion, said any Piggins but that's the way all lion Tamers. Want to go put it on a show? Oh, thank you. So that good woman, I'm going to try it. The doctor hasn't been much help. And it's so exhausting sitting here waiting I'm off to the bakery. The Haggard woman stood up to leave here, said nanny begins offering her a bar of chocolate, have some chocolate. It'll give you the energy to get to the bakery. The other patients watched enviously as the woman left nanny pickins was starting to enjoy herself. It was fun helping people. And now there was one less person ahead of them waiting to see the doctor. Then he begins, turned to the elderly man sitting on the other side of Michael. What's wrong with you? Asked any begins. I've got a cold sniffed. The elderly man. There's no cure for the common cold child in any Pickens. Surely you're old enough to know that, but I feel so awful. I said the old man, I thought there might be somewhere. The doctor could help me nanny. Piggins a rolled her eyes for a start. The doctor is not going to help you. They're trained not to do that. At medical school, they either cure you and expect you to be grateful or they don't cure you. Unexpected. Be ashamed for wasting their time said nanny begins. What am I going to do? Ask the old man, if you have a cold, the best thing to do is boost your body's natural defenses with vitamin C instructing any pickins. So I should get some vitamin C tablets as the old man. No, I recommend lemon cake at least five times a day. Advise nanny begins. Lemon cakes at the old man. Yes. It's full of vitamin C as well as other health foods like butter and sugar, which is to give you a boost setting any Piggins it's worth a tries at the old man. It's better than waiting endlessly. I need to be told off for wasting the doctor's time. So the old man got up and left. Now there are only four people ahead of Michael nanny begins, was getting rid of the other patients effectively and still no one had come out or gone into the doctor's room yet. What do you think he's doing in there? A pale young woman asked nanny Piggins why is it taking so long? Do you think he's got someone seriously ill in there? Oh, goodness knows. Had nanny Piggins he's probably got a secret backdoor out of his office and he snuck off to play video games for half an hour. Do you think so said the young woman? Oh yes. And he begins. That's what most doctors do. If they could think of some way of charging us all for seeing them without actually seeing them. I'm sure they would. I'd go home right now, but my leg hurts so much. I don't think I could make it that fast at the pale young woman. What have you done to yourself? Ask 90 Piggins I locked myself out of a fifth floor flat and I sprained my ankle. Trying to climb in through the window, said the young woman fell five stories, exclaimed nanny Piggins as a formal professional flying pig. She had suffered many long falls herself, but even nanny Pickens was impressed by a five story. Four with nothing more serious than a sprained ankle. No, I got up the five stories. All right. But when I got in through the window, I fell and landed quickly on the tumble dryer. Explain the young woman. Oh, hard luck said nanny Piggins landings are always the hardest part. Now my ankles are swollen, said the young woman raising her trouser leg to show an unnaturally, large, bright red ankle. You know what you need began any Piggins some type of cake guest. Michael exactly said nanny Piggins and I scream cake. You can use it as a cold compress on your ankle, but make sure you have a spoon in your hand and eat the ice cream as it melts. That's a brilliant idea, said the young woman as she got up and hobbled to the door and keep your foot elevated. And in the fridge called Danny Piggins. So the ice cream does it melt too quickly by now, the other patients had all perked up and were eagerly awaiting treatment by nanny Piggins. And so in the time it took for the doctor to finish, pretending to see one imaginary patient, many Piggins managed to cure a whole waiting room worth of invalids. Of course, she had a huge advantage over the doctor. Whereas he had gone to medical school and had to learn the names and effects of thousands of drugs. She simply prescribed cake. When the doctor eventually came out to see his next patient, not even Michael and nanny pagans were there between diagnoses nanny. Piggins had been amusing, some small children by reenacting the time she had chased an ostrich across the African Sahara. She accidentally fell off the coffee table and knocked Michael Hart on the back, which made the bucket fly off his head. The doctor was horrified to discover a completely empty waiting room. Why is nobody waiting in my waiting room? Demanded the doctor, a pig, cure them, explain the receptionist, pig, exclaimed. The doctor. He would have liked to have fired the receptionist on the spot, but he couldn't because she was his wife. So he had to satisfy himself by stalking into his office and slamming the door. But then he had to come out again because the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to know what pig back at the greenhouse nanny pickins at the children were enjoying a game of bull rush. Bull rush is normally played on an open field. One person is in than everybody else rushes from one side of the field to the other, trying not to get tagged. But nanny Piggins had discovered that this already excellent game could be dramatically improved by playing indoors. It added to the excitement to be rushing past Mr. Green's valuable and take furniture and fragile porcelain. So as you can imagine, they were all having a marvelous time and naturally felt resentful. When they heard the front doorbell ring doorbell called Michael, I suppose we have to answer it. Mon nanny begins. It might be someone fun. Who wants to play ball rush said Samantha, she'd become a little overexcited about the game. It was not thinking clearly in my experience whenever you're enjoying good, loud fun, no one ever knocks on the door to encourage you to have even more funds at any pick. And sadly I'll answer it. Volunteer Derek. If it is someone come to complain about the noise, I'll just say we're burglars and we don't live here. Good idea. Approved any Piggins as it turned out, they were partly right when Derek opened the door, the man on the step had come to complain, but not about the noise. It was the doctor. Is there a pig living here asked the doctor rudely for, even though he'd not said anything, technically rude. He had the knack of making otherwise polite sentences. Sound rude. Maybe said Derek, not wanting to get his nanny in trouble. I want to speak to her. Demanded the doctor. That's nice. Said Derek shutting the door in his face. The doctor knocked on the door again. Derek opened it again. I said I wanted to speak to the pig. Snap the doctor. Well, we don't always get what we want. Do we sit Derek swinging the door, shut again. The doctor knocked on the door yet again. Derek opened it yet. Again, the doctor took a deep breath and through gritted teeth said, please may I speak to miss Piggins after all? He was not a stupid man, just a slow learner. Wait here said Derrick shutting the door on the doctor for a third time. The doctor waited on the doorstep for 45 minutes before the door swung open again, he was really furious. The doctor drew in his breath to start yelling, but then he stopped because right in front of him stood the most beautiful pig he had ever seen. He had to pause and think for a moment. When he had imagined himself yelling at a pig, the pig he had imagined had not looked like this at all. The pig in his imagination, certainly had not been wearing designer clothes and eye makeup. Derek, Samantha, Michael stood behind nanny. Piggins waiting to see what you would do to the doctor. Did you enjoy that as nanny Piggins? Did I enjoy what the doctor having no idea what she was talking about? Waiting said 90 minutes. No, it's very rude to leave me standing out here for so long complained. The doctor exactly said nanny Piggins no, you know what? It's like. I hope you don't make your patients wait too long in the future, but that's different spot at the doctor. They have a comfortable waiting room with magazines. Oh, don't get us started on the magazines. Advise Michael it'll make you feel sick. There is nothing comfortable about putting a group of diseased people in a confined space and leaving them there for an hour. Arguing any Piggins look here. You completely ruined my business. Complain the doctor. I said nanny Piggins all my patients have left me and taken up eating cakes at the doctor. I'm sure there are a lot happiest at nanny Piggins. That's not the point. Protested the doctor. It's my job to make sure they're well, you're not doing a very good job. Then I use it nanny Piggins. I spent six years at medical school learning to be a doctor said the doctor, you can't come along and steal all my patients by prescribing. Oh, can't I said nanny Piggins her eyes narrowing. This just goes to show how unwise the doctor was because anyone who knew nanny Piggins knew you should never ever tell her she could not do something. Once one of the acrobats at the circus had made a similar mistake. He said nanny Piggins would never be able to Pogo jump all the way across Belgium dressed up as Henry the eighth, three days, 2 million jumps and one very sweaty Henry. The costume later, he was made to look very silly, indeed telling many Pickens she could not do something was always the best way to make sure that is exactly what she did. Indeed. Humans underestimating. The willpower of pigs is a common theme throughout history. It was a pig who built the great wall of China to keep the Mongol hoards from invading, which is why to this day in every Chinese restaurant, you get Mongolian lamb, not Mongolian pork. And it was discovered America. But unlike Christopher Columbus, she had the good sense to you. Keep her discovery to herself because she found lots of yummy food there. Nanny Piggins had planned to spend the next day setting up a ham radio station and gossiping with her friends on the Falkland islands. But the doctor had annoyed her. So she decided to annoy him back. The next morning, when the doctor arrived at the surgery, there were yet again, no patients waiting where all my patients today ran to the doctor, his wife slash receptionist did not bother explaining. She just pointed out the window there on the other side of the road, sat nanny Piggins. She had set up a cake stall with a sign, overhead reading holistic cake healer. And unlike the doctor, she was surrounded by eager patients. Now she's gone too far exploded the doctor. He set out across the street to give him any begins. A piece of his mind. You cannot treat ill people purely by giving them cake. He yelled at nanny Piggins I know said nanny begins. That's why I'm branching out. Spotted the doctor. I'm using honey to treat wounds. Started nanny Piggins. It's an excellent antiseptic supplied Samantha lemonade to treat sore throat. So nanny begins. It's very soothing added Boris and I'm using fudge to treat irritable. Bowel syndrome said nanny begins. How does fudge help errors and will bowel syndrome demanded the doctor? He did not really want to ask, but he couldn't help. But be curious. It doesn't explain any plugins, but it really cheers the patient up. Why are you trying to ruin my business? Ask the doctor. I'm not sending any Pickens. I'm merely trying to supply a better alternative cake, lemonade and fudge or no alternative to clinical medicine complained the doctor. Maybe not, but it's a quicker alternative said nanny pickins and people are tired of waiting in your waiting room. This won't last prophesied. The doctor, my patients will come back. They will have that cake, but they'll want their medicine to where that the doctor stormed back to her surgery and sat inside sulking as nanny Piggins did a roaring trade selling cake and sweet goods all day long as I'm sure you've already guessed. The doctor was completely wrong. Three days later, his waiting room was still completely empty. And nanny Piggins cake stall was still thriving. He sat in his office, looking out the window and feeling very sorry for himself. For the first time. In 20 years of practicing medicine, a thought occurred to him that had never occurred to him before. Maybe he was not as important as he thought he was. It was a very depressing idea. It made him feel all hollow and empty inside his eyes started to itch a lump formed in his throat. Then the doctor realized what he needed. He needed a piece of cake to cheer himself up. And so the doctor swallowed his pride because he wanted to swallow some cake. He crossed the street and approached nanny. Piggins looking very sad. What do you want asked nanny? Piggins a slice of lemon drizzle cake. Please mumbled the doctor. Nanny Piggins considered torturing him some more pretending she'd run out of cake and making him beg for it, but she could see he was a broken man. So being a compassionate pig, she cut him a large slice and a slice that nanny Piggins considered lodge was very large. Indeed. A less. The pig would tell you to go away. But when I became a holistic cake healer, I took the HIPAA pig oath, swearing to never withhold cake from anyone who needed it, no matter who they were, how rude they were or how long they kept their patients waiting in their waiting room. That seems like an awfully specific oath said the doctor. Do you want your cake on? Not snapping any Piggins and the doctor hardly took it. As soon as he swallowed the first bite, he started to feel better. So you're going to have your cake stall here forever. Then he asked repeatedly, perhaps not quite forever admitted 90 Piggins you're not asked the doctor now starting to really brighten up much as I enjoy being a holistic cake healer. It really isn't. My call incidentally begins. It's not ask the doctor actually starting to smile again in between shoveling mouthfuls of lemon drizzle cake into his mouth. You see, I have a career dilemma while I'm very good at prescribing cake. My true talent lies. I swear I have an even greater gift for eating cake said only begins in modestly, but truthfully it presents a terrible conflict of interest. It does set the doctor. Now you almost wanted to kiss nanny Pickens. He was so grateful. Tell him your reason you want to give up being a holistic cake healer. And then he picked it. Chided. Samantha nanny Piggins looked away shifted Lee. I don't know what you're talking about. She said, you're going to need the doctor's help to solve the problem. Prompted Derek. You have a problem I can help with. So the doctor now positively gleeful, no said nanny Pickens, petulant lying is wrong. Michael reminded her. All right. All right. I'll admit it. My patients have been coming down with a few problems. Confess nanny Piggins Oh, dear said the doctor. They're very happy with my treatment and I always cure that problem. But holistic cake therapy seems to have an unfortunate side effects. Sydney. He begins. What side effect asked the doctor? Stomach ache said, Derrick matter of factly, ah, said the doctor knowingly struggling hard not to look smart, try prescribing more cakes in any. So that always works for me when I have a stomach ache. I see. So the doctor I tell the patients, all you have to do is tough it out and push through the cake barrier. If you just keep eating cake, eventually your body becomes so high on sugar and numb from over eating that you start to feel all right again. But for some reason it doesn't seem to work for them. Yeah. Patients perhaps suggested the doctor diplomatically because they're not pigs. I suppose that might have something to do with it. Conceded in any begins. Humans can be very weak. Sometimes it's our own fault. So the doctor humbly, we're not lucky enough to have your superior digestive capabilities. True. Very true. Acknowledging only begins. And so nanny begins in the doctor, came to him in agreement. She would stop being a holistic cake healer right outside his surgery. And he would make sure he saw all his patients as promptly as possible. No more sneaking out the back door to play video games. He admitted that's what he had been doing. And if for some unforeseen reason, a patient did have to wait for more than 10 minutes. The doctor would provide them with a slice of cake. One for every 10 minutes, they were delayed. Wait until he was able to see them. This regime worked beautifully. All the doctors, patients returned. They were glad to be seen more promptly. And they were even more glad when he couldn't see them promptly because they enjoyed eating cake. Indeed. Sometimes when she was hungry, nanny Piggins went along and sat in the waiting room without putting her name down just so she could have a slice of cake to the end. Thank you for listening to support this podcast just by a book by me, RA spread. There's lots to choose from, from across the nanny. Piggins Friday Barnes and pesky kids series. And now you can get the audio books of the adventures of nanny Piggins and Friday Barnes girl, detective as well. You can order any of these things through your local bookstore, or you can go to my website, RA spratt.com and click on the book, depository banner. They have all my titles and free international shipping. That's it for now until next time.