Welcome back to Part 2 as we continue our enlightening conversation with Dr. Nikki Pensak. In this bonus episode, she shares her journey of writing her new book, ‘Rattled’ and how she decided to blend personal anecdotes with professional expertise to create a digestible guide for mothers. Personally, we can’t wait to add this to our reading list.
1:18 - The writing process of “Rattled” 3:32 - Addressing the idea that it's never too late to seek help 4:45 - Importance of not projecting personal experiences onto children 5:30 - A tool for working motherhood: being present with children 8:14 - Details on the release of "Rattled" and pre ordering information 8:55 - Closing remarks
Welcome back to Part 2 as we continue our enlightening conversation with Dr. Nikki Pensak. In this bonus episode, she shares her journey of writing her new book, ‘Rattled’ and how she decided to blend personal anecdotes with professional expertise to create a digestible guide for mothers. Personally, we can’t wait to add this to our reading list.
1:18 - The writing process of “Rattled” 3:32 - Addressing the idea that it's never too late to seek help 4:45 - Importance of not projecting personal experiences onto children 5:30 - A tool for working motherhood: being present with children 8:14 - Details on the release of "Rattled" and pre ordering information 8:55 - Closing remarks
Welcome back. Before you listen to this episode, please be sure to tune in to part one.
Speaker 2:
Welcome to Working Mom Hour. Oh fuck, hi everyone. Welcome to Working Mom Hour. I'm Erica and I'm Madeline.
Speaker 1:
We're working moms, business partners and friends with kids at different ages and stages.
Speaker 2:
We know moms tend to get more done in an hour than the average human, yet are often misunderstood and underappreciated in the workplace.
Speaker 1:
We are here to shine a light on the working mom experience, to help ourselves and others step into and advocate for the superpower. We are not experts.
Speaker 2:
We're two women who have been there and are still there kids, clients and all Join us as we cultivate more joy in working motherhood at the corner of calm and chaos.
Speaker 1:
Dr Nikki, your book is called Rattled Such an incredible name. Tell us about the book and what the writing process was like with two kids and a therapy practice.
Speaker 3:
I wrote it sort of during that COVID time period, after I had gotten through, you know, that postpartum mental health crisis, and I felt like, you know, it was really a labor of love. I had so much material going on. I felt like I had to tell this story but also to include all of my background thus far in caregiver research, as well as my, you know, expertise in treating anxiety, depression, ocd and postpartum. You know, I really had to wanted to put that all together in a digestible way and I wanted to write this book and it just kept me, you know, going and it was a way that I had my own, you know, psychological, post traumatic growth right. So I was processing all of this at the time that I was writing.
Speaker 3:
It was so meaningful for me to do this and, you know, to also reflect on my own experience becoming a mother and what I experienced, you know, from being mothered right, and that whole process, what was coming to light and everything that was coming up. And so it was. It was incredible, an incredible process, and I'm just wanting to help as many mothers as possible, you know, just from what I've experienced and from, and actually get them the evidence based, the science right in an easily digestible way. I mean that they can understand they're not going to read the science articles they don't have to like I did that and I will, and so I translated it in in the book with stories about you know from personal anecdotes and working with patients, and so it's part prescriptive, part narrative.
Speaker 2:
So, going back to this concept of matrescence and the impact it has on our brains in the years that follow, I'd love to talk a little bit about the listeners who have kids, but they are past that immediate postpartum phase. I want to make sure we're not alienating that it's not too late to seek help. But how do you approach parents like me who, like a decade later, discovering I've got a lot of this stored up that I've packed neatly away, that probably is showing up in my actions daily, but I think that I've left that behind. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3:
So I would say it's never too late. I mean, we're always developing and, as you know, any challenge is going to have that experience dependent neuroplasticity and we know that therapy changes the brain at any stage of life. So it's ongoing and I think that if you're, you know, wanting to explore that and work on that, you know having an adolescent is really challenging. Right, You'll get a ton of experience.
Speaker 1:
Everyone's brains are changing.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I mean their brains are changing, but, like from your interactions with them and you're learning how to manage that as well as manage your own emotional responses. You know it's never a bad time to work on that, and it it's going to be. Maybe we're just at the start of it.
Speaker 2:
But the biggest thing I have found is not to bring my shit into her shit, if that makes sense, like what I experienced at this age is not what she's experiencing at this age, but I am having to catch myself working with her as if he was experiencing what I was experiencing at that time.
Speaker 3:
So well, that's very important rule, right? Or uh, you know uh mantra to live by, like don't bring my shit into her shit. Right, that's really you've done the work. You're doing the work and managing your own you know experiences and processing your own um emotions that come up in response to what she's going through so you can step outside of of yourself, right, and be able to meet her and work with her and help her and nurture her, and so you're not like getting in your own way, and so that's a gift that you can give her and all your children as well. As you know, any primary caregiver or caregiver can give their dependents.
Speaker 1:
What is one tool that is really helping you right now in working motherhood?
Speaker 3:
I mean, there are so many tools. I think the one that I really am focusing on currently is being present with my children and recognizing how I can make the experiences more pleasurable and more engaging for myself, so that I get the benefits of the interaction with them. And also, it's just, it's my greatest joy, you know, I love playing with them, I love spontaneous activities with them and also it's just, it's my greatest joy, you know, I love playing with them, I love spontaneous activities with them and sort of seeing where they go and getting out of my head and slowing down and just allowing myself to be present, but also really leaning into it and saying how can I make this more enjoyable? What do I need to add here? What can I? You know, where can we go with this? And really taking it further and staying in it with my children.
Speaker 3:
I mean, that's really what's what's filling my cup right now. But you know what is most, you know, rewarding for me in motherhood. So when I'm having a lot of stressors going on or rough day or you know anything, I'm just hyper focused on slowing down, simplifying and only trying to do that as much as possible, because I that's what's gonna, that's what helps me the most and that's what I find most rewarding and fills my cup and makes me feel real good oh, that I love that wisdom.
Speaker 1:
and um, when you say making it more pleasurable, iplasticity, and I talk about in my book.
Speaker 3:
My whole, like last chapter, is on how to do this and cultivate this in motherhood, and so it's really, you know, I think you have to be when you're present. You're going to be more open and creative in the moment and you're going to be able to figure out, okay, how do I make this more pleasurable? So maybe it's, you know, turning up the music and dancing with your child, you know lyrics or like you know, doing improv improvisational play and stuff like that. It all like really comes in the moment, thinking about okay. So you know, yeah, maybe we'll have like a dessert right now also, or maybe we'll like play a game after this. Really, anything that just increases your ability to get pleasure from the moment is going to do great things for your brain.
Speaker 1:
Dr Nikki, thank you so much for shining a light on moms' brains. It's so important that we know what's happening in our bodies and minds, and I know it's a topic that will continue to unfold as you continue to shine a light. Rattled comes out April 30th yes, in time for Mother's Day. In time for Mother's Day Everywhere. You buy a book, then you can pre-order it anytime, right?
Speaker 3:
Yes, and if you pre-order, you're actually going to be invited to a virtual book launch with Eve Brodsky and myself, and we're gonna have a discussion about fair play methods and the intersection with mental health. So I'm really excited for that. Where can our listeners find you? I would say, on Instagram, at Dr Nikki Pensack, or you know, my website has a lot of resources as well, so wwwdrnicoleboylpensackcom.
Speaker 1:
All right, we'll add that and a link to the book in our show notes and that is all for today. Thanks so much. Thanks for having me. Thank you.