The Recalibration

#95 Why Saying No Still Feels Wrong — Even When It’s Right

Julie Holly Season 2 Episode 95

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 10:31

You know boundaries matter — so why does saying no still feel like betrayal? This episode exposes the deeper identity-level misalignment and shows you how to create boundaries that don’t just work… but feel like you.

You know the script: You say yes, even when you're stretched thin. You keep the peace, carry the load, and tell yourself, “This is just what it takes.”

But beneath that over-functioning is a quieter truth:
 Saying no still feels wrong — not because you're weak, but because your identity is wired for performance and approval.

In this episode of the Identity-Level Recalibration podcast, Julie Holly shares a deeply personal reflection on the tangled guilt behind boundary-setting — and why sustainable boundaries require an identity shift, not a time hack.

You’ll explore:

  • The real reason saying no triggers guilt, obligation, and confusion
  • Why high performers override their own needs, even with the best boundary scripts
  • A powerful reframe that moves you from resentment to rhythm
  • How your yes might be protecting a role that’s quietly eroding your alignment

You’ll also hear a faith-rooted story about The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst — and how one friend’s timely suggestion led Julie to rewire her understanding of identity, boundaries, and divine alignment.

Today’s Micro Recalibration:

Ask yourself:

“Where in my life have I been saying yes out of fear or obligation, not alignment?”
 Then ask:
 “What would a boundary rooted in self-trust look like in that space?”

For leaders:

“Where have we been absorbing friction instead of setting clear expectations?”

You weren’t meant to burn out to be trusted.
Sustainable boundaries don’t come from behavior tweaks — they come from identity recalibration.

RESOURCES:

BOOK: The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst

Explore Identity-Level Recalibration

Schedule a conversation with Julie to see if The Recalibration is a fit for you

Learn about The Recalibration Cohort

Join the next Friday Recalibration Live experience

→ Take your listening deeper! Subscribe to The Weekly Recalibration Companion to receive reflections and extensions to each week's podcast episodes.

Follow Julie Holly on LinkedIn for more recalibration insights

Download the Misalignment Audit

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter

Books to read (Tidy categories on Amazon- I've read/listened to each recommended title.)

One link to all things

...