Reflecting on "going inward" in healing trauma

Hi. My name is Julie Hasselberger.  I am going through some incredible grief and trauma healing.  My son passed away at 26 years old, and losing him left a hole in my heart.  Shortly after that, I experience some terrible relational trauma and felt myself in a spiral.   As I continue to seek what comes next for me at 59 years old, having everything change, I want to share the light and hope that is guiding me.  It is my goal to be of service in some way to others.  That being said, I hope you will listen to my stories and thoughts.  We are all on some level of self actualization, I think.   This is done, this podcast, out of my love for my son, for others, and for myself.

This episode will cover why being able to stay in the present moment is helpful to our connection and healing.  I'll share some tools that I am using, to manage stress, adhd, cPtsd, complicated grief, dissociation and depression.  Yes, I have all of those.  

What is our real "authentic" self.  How do we figure that out? 

What is the benefit to our lives, from practicing mindfulness and being still?

We hear alot about "be in the present moment" but what exactly does that mean?

In all healing modalities that I have found myself in, there is an element of finding peace and growth, in the present moment.  Meditation has literally transformed my ability to know who I am on the inside.

What are a few tools that can help dysregulation, and other trauma related symptoms?  I share a few of mine...

Meditation .

Gratitude work.

Journaling. 

Exercise. 

Yoga. 

Prayer.

Being in nature. 

Art work. 

Music. 

Caring for plants. 

Being with animals. 

Setting intentions. 

Affirmations. 

Vision boards 

Goal Setting 

Manifestation practices: abundance, financial wealth, health, family goals 

I am a student of manifestation, and believe in it so strongly. 

I wrap up the discussion of healing, with a chat about energy.  During my entire life I have always felt a deep desire to care and help other people.  I also seem to be able to sense and feel and see energy.  I have recently affirmed that I am an empath, and none of this really surprises me.  I have just been entangled with being a special needs caregiver for my son, 24/7 for 26 years.  Now that he has passed away, I am left just witnessing what has been around me this entire time.  Some of it, really not so great.  Some of it, maybe, lying dormant in a sense.  But understanding energy is new to me, and it is helping me heal myself.

 Stress, fight or flight, ages us and makes us sick.  So why not, I say, try living a life from the heart space.  Affirm what you believe you are worth, and do not settle for the breadcrumbs.   I am definitely in the middle of personal crisis myself right now, and spend time lost in the pain.  Which I am learning is also perfectly ok.   It is perfectly ok to feel and be whatever and who ever you are.   When I do re emerge from periods of low times, I am right back into the practices of spirituality, stillness, creativity, focus, love, gratitude, developing healthy boundaries, and accepting what my intuition is guiding me towards. 

This is what being human is.  Learning and being curious and accepting.  I am trying.   I am determined to lean into intuition and let it guide me, from the space of the very moment I am in.

Also,  I feel my son’s presence when I a

Transcript

Episode 33 Reflections 

Journeying through the complexities of trauma healing is really a lesson in learning how to balance on the tight rope of equanimity.   The wobble back and forth between having the thoughts and patterns of the mind, over take the reality of the authentic self. 

I did a meditation on self realization and loved how the author described what self actualization is. The real authentic self that is separate from all thoughts and patterns developed over the course of ones lifetime.   Because we are not that.  What we are, and what is our birthright, is who we are in the complete stillness ABSENT of thoughts and interference from the mind.  It is when we live from the heart.  The heart is our connection to higher source and the heart exists and controls the creation of the brain.  Not the other way around. 

In stillness, is where we connect to who we are.  Who our soul is.  What we are made to be.   And it has nothing to do with programming and what we learn.  It has everything to do with, simply existing peacefully in the present moment. 

There is nothing except the present moment.  The past is construct.  The future is a construct.  They do not really exists.  All that we have is right now.  As we breathe.  It is where we can then expand our consciousness to observe.  To be grateful.   And to forgive.  

In all healing modalities that I have found myself in, there is an element of finding peace and growth, in the present moment.  Stillness, is the pathway to longevity, and greater growth.   This morning as I meditated on developing a grounding practice, I observed the hummingbirds, how many palm trees lined the street, and how the clouds looked.  

In trauma healing, when we did it as a collective, everyone of us felt so peaceful and relaxed after the sessions involving stillness.  Breathwork and deep contemplative nothingness.  It was so beautiful.   

Tools for improving your state of life:

Meditation .

Gratitude work.

Journaling. 

Exercise. 

Yoga. 

Prayer.

Being in nature. 

Art work. 

Music. 

Caring for plants. 

Being with animals. 

Setting intentions. 

Affirmations. 

Vision boards 

Goal Setting 

Manifestation practices: abundance, financial wealth, health, family goals 

Overcoming trauma is a work in progress. Learning to live with grief is a work in progress.  Having your entire world shattered into a heap of burning coals and lies, is catastrophic.  But also it opens the door to complete healing and completely new perspectives.  And always growth.  I am beginning to understand that upheavals are significant for both the damage they do, as well as the forcing of a shift into growth and curiosity once the dust settles down. 

Sometimes you have to face your biggest pain and fear, and walk  right through it.  Bond with your inner warrior and suck it up.  Because the only way to getting past this level of pain, is by getting to the other side of it.  Too many people just medicate and numb themselves aways with whatever excuses they can find to stay stuck.   The expansion is right there, but you need to dig into your gut to find the strength that you think you don’t have.  And yeet your ass right in front of it.   I am in the in between right now.  And life is fleeting by.  Time is running out in the physical world, so whatever purpose I find next, is going to leave a legacy behind.  One that can help as many people as I try to encourage.  At the moment I am still choking on grief every minuter of every day.  Choking on it.  And trying not to die.  And somehow what is resonating most when the storm clears, is the vital and precious truths that are found in the present moment.  And holding deep gratitude and reverence for that.   Sometimes all I really have to hang onto is gratitude for the beauty and gifts of my world and the people in it, right now.    Sometimes this transformative journey I am on, just feelings confusing and I need a nap.  

I’m beginning to get it.  From reading Eckhart Tolle’s “The power of Now”, I resonate with his teachings that really,  There IS no future.  Time doesn’t actually exist.  It is a construct we wrap around our activities, but in reality, the only reality, is simply, right now.   So how are we spending our “one precious and wild life”.   Breathe that in.  Breathe that out.  Notice, accept and be present.

All we take with us, when we die, is love, and light.   Which is all we come into this world with.  And it is what we are created from.   All of the other bullshit doesn’t really matter.  That is not to say we are not worthy of abundance and living by the laws of the universe.  We most certainly are.  But what we think about most, is what we get.  Where we focus, is where our life leans.  I have been in the depths of despair, and through learning how meditate, and learning how to manifest, I began to receive more and more miracles.   And, meditation is also a tremendous tool for calming my dysregulation and adhd symptoms. 

 I think from early on, I trusted that abundance works greater than lack mentality and negativity.  If you constantly say, I can not, I can’t, its too expensive, Its too hard, Its not something I can have, you are far less likely to be able to think creatively and with expansion and positivity.   You probably won’t be able to find the path to achieve abundance, if your mindset is locked on “Can’t”, “too hard”, “won’t happen” etc..    It is a mind shift perspective and there are a zillion books and experts who attest to this.  So why do people still sit in suffering? .  Still reside “lack mentality” themselves until they die?   What I read tells me, they have never really understood how to seek greater self realization.  The strength of acceptance and focusing on miracles big and small, with gratitude is how I continued to find resources to care for my son.  It is how I am surviving the cataclysmic loss his death has ripped from my heart.  And it is how I am turning my marriage upside down and demanding that which is my birthright, and what I desire for my life.    

Complaining.  Stressing out.  Just made me sick.  So I am teaching myself to live from the heart.  NOT from the mind.  Its so much bigger, thoughts are more expansive, solutions come freely like a flowing a river, and overcoming trauma is not as hard as maybe it could be.  

I am a survivor.  You are a survivor.  Adapting and changing is how we evolve.  So why do people resist change and stay stuck?   I don’t really know this.  I am only me.  But I am learning.   Resisting change to me, feels like insanity because every part of existence is created and continues on in a completely continuous state of change.  We are made of energy.  Everything is made of energy, and it moves and changes with every fraction of a second.  Its quite amazing.  I imagine you really do have to simply stay in the present moment to appreciate the fantastic orchestra of life going on around you.   Get out of the mind that imprisons people with fear, get into the heart that connects with the real reason we were all created.   This is my opinion.  And I am feeling closer and closer to its warm truth.

And the last element to add to this discussion, my friends, is energy and vibration.  Your vibration and the energy your soul emits, is how you transcend difficulties.  We can actually learn how to vibrate at much higher frequencies.  Our energy is literally like any other energy in the laws of physics,  What is your energy like?  What color do you think YOUR aura is today?   Do you have more “lack” thoughts, or more “abundant” thoughts?    I’ve literally always felt a pull to learn more about human energetics.  I’ve only recently learned that everyone can see auras but almost all people can’t live from their heart and don’t understand energy.  I can see auras around people, not all the time, but definitely sometimes.  Today mine is a purple ish shade.  My husbands is kind of light yellow orange.  I have no idea what the colors mean, so I am hoping to find out soon, because its pretty cool.   

 Stress, fight or flight, ages us and makes us sick.  So why not, I say, try living a life from the heart space.  Affirm what you believe you are worth, and do not settle for the breadcrumbs.   I am definitely in the middle of personal crisis myself right now, and spend time lost in the pain myself.  Which I am learning is also perfectly ok.   It is perfectly ok to feel and be whatever and who ever you are.   When I do re emerge from periods of low times, I am right back into the practices of spirituality, stillness, creativity, focus, love, gratitude, developing healthy boundaries, and accepting what my intuition is guiding me towards. 

It is what I enjoy spending my days doing.   I feel my son’s presence when I am completely in the present moment.  His spirit resides there.  That alone brings me joy and comfort.  He doesn’t want me to re live old memories of trauma, I feel his love in the right now.   

Maybe this is just a way to encourage you, if you are in the crappy place of being trapped by pain and trauma.  The effects of the bad things that happen to us stay with us.  But if we can shift ever so slightly towards putting energy into self care, self love, being present, feeling gratitude, and focusing on what serves us most, then we may just see our life expanding just a bit more, to reveal possibilities we couldn’t see before.

Sending you love, best wishes, and a hand to hold as you find your way along your own path. 

Thank you for listening.  Thank you for caring.   Thank you for all of the encouragement I have received to keep pushing inward and onward. 

Peace and love, 

Julie H