Raychel Modlin- Importance of Family Relationships

My name is Raychel Modlin and I am a case manager for the Sanctuary Foster Care Services. I have been a case manager for over 3 years and with the Sanctuary for a year now. I got into social work because I was a teen foster kid, who aged out of care. I had an amazing case worker and wanted to change lives like she changed mine.

Connect with Raychel and The Sanctuary Foster Care Services:
https://www.facebook.com/sanctuaryfostercare/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesanctuarytx/

Your hosts: Colton Cockerell & Trisha Stetzel
Click for more about your hosts:
Colton Cockerell
Trisha Stetzel

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Transcript

Colton Cockerell: 0:04

Hello and welcome to a another exciting episode of Bridge the Gap. We're balancing life through health, wealth, business and relationships. Hello everyone and welcome to the show. My name is Colton Cockerell. And with me, I have my lovely co host, as always miss Trisha Stetzel Trisha. Hello.

Trisha Stetzel: 0:26

Hey, oh my goodness, Colton. Where's your energy today? Hey, guys, I am so excited to be here today. And we have a very, very special guest with us. So welcome, everyone. This month on the show, we are focused on family and relationships. And today we're going to discuss the importance of strong family and relationships and who better to talk about family and relationships than Raychel Modlin with the sanctuary foster care. Raychel, welcome to the show.

Raychel Modlin: 0:57

Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Trisha Stetzel: 1:00

And Trisha, I think you said family relationships like three times. So yes, it's very important. That's why you said three times, right. So before we would jump in with questions, and the importance of family relationships, I want to go ahead and give a shout to our sponsor Results Xtreme Business Solutions. Trisha, I'm going to mix it up today, I'm gonna let you give the ask the first question. Over. Okay, fantastic. And since this will be the first family relationships show of the month, just to remind everybody you know why we're going down this path because Colton and I are normally talking about business and finances and those sorts of things. And what we really wanted to bring was balance and talking about family and relationships, I think it's so important to bring balance to all of us and all of our lives. So Raychel, can you tell us a little bit about how you got into the business of helping foster care children and parents find each other?

Raychel Modlin: 2:00

Yes, absolutely. So I was a foster kid in the state of Colorado. And I ended up aging out of foster care. And my foster parents kicked me out on my 18th birthday. And I was really fortunate and really blessed to have, I think, the best caseworker on the planet. And so because of her, it really inspired me to just become a social worker, and really get involved and help people. And so being a foster kid and being able to be involved in seeing where there's issues, but also being part of the solution, I think is just, it's a huge blessing. And I love it. Yeah, absolutely.

Colton Cockerell: 2:43

Yeah, we had you on the show today, because of that story. Because you don't only I mean, you have a family yourself, but you're also involved in many families lives. So tell me what are some things that you see just family to family? I guess really, for people who may be struggling, they're struggling with, you know, their kids, their teenagers, whatever age, what have you seen to be helpful, you know, tips, tricks for parents to, you know, get their kids to engage, listen, you know, behave, whatever it may be.

Raychel Modlin: 3:13

I think for me, the big thing is realizing that every kid is different, especially when dealing with our foster kiddos, they all come from trauma, but they all come from very different trauma. And so understanding them and understanding what their needs are, we have a saying connection before correction. And so really getting to know your kiddos before you're trying to correct them. And even at home, you know, with my biological children, they don't come from any trauma, and really just understanding what the need is and, and really knowing what is driving that behavior. And so I just I find like a lot of patience and a lot of grace. And in those really difficult moments, you know, humbling myself and remembering that these kids are coming from really difficult times and they're experiencing something that they've never had to experience and that's typically comes with structure or discipline. And so in those moments, really taking a step back and being like, I get to go through this really difficult moment with this kid. And I think there's something really beautiful about that to be able to go through that with them.

Colton Cockerell: 4:18

Yeah, I mean, foster not I mean, still every every kid, like you said is different and, and they're gonna have, you know, what makes them tick or how they listen. And so I think what you said is so important about the patient's aspect. I know so quickly, you know, parents come home from work, whatever and you know, they have a ton on their mind. The last thing they want to do is deal with, you know, a rough situation wherever it may be so patience, man that that is probably going to be the podcast is just have patience with your kids because man now today's generation, holy cow, some of the most disrespectful kids.

Raychel Modlin: 4:51

We love every moment. We do

Trisha Stetzel: 4:56

and let's dig a little bit further into how How difficult Rachel it's been since 2020, as parents as children and kind of the world that we live in now, what what are some things that you found to be beneficial inside your family or even working with your foster families to help get through these really significant times that we're going through right now?

Unknown: 5:24

For me, I think the biggest thing is a support system, no matter what that looks like, whether it be friends, or co workers or family, just finding people that you can really rely on an in trust these difficult times with because it is it's, I mean, it's something that none of us have really experienced in our lifetime. And so being kind of just thrown into it to say figure it out, I think it really makes you rely on people that you either didn't have to rely on before or you didn't realize that you needed to rely on them.

Trisha Stetzel: 6:00

So how do you find the that support system? Rachel, what's the best way to go about that?

Raychel Modlin: 6:06

I think being vocal about what your needs are, I think it's really hard when, you know, there's this need and, and for a lot of people I know for me, for my history to speak out and say I have a need it, it almost makes you feel vulnerable, which then in turn makes you feel a little unsafe. And so for me finding people that you trust, and people that you know, that you can go to, is really important. I think just being able to speak up and say, Hey, I need help, I'm really struggling in this area, or I need something in this area.

Colton Cockerell: 6:43

And you can relate that to probably every single category we talked about on this show is just being put it's swelling, the pride and just asking for help. For sure. And so really, whenever, and I don't want to just make it about, you know, the kids, kids and parents. But again, I think this is just such an important topic. Whenever you're working with kids, and you can use your own kids as an example. You know, what, what is kit? I know, we talked about, you know, listen to them figure out what makes them tick and stuff. But can we get more specific is there what are some some things that you've learned or things that you, whenever you've just to get to the position you are that you, you taught yourself that you went through the courses to really make sure you're engaging? Like what does that look like? On a very surface level? Yeah, lots of training and lots of self awareness is the big thing. Something that we talk about a lot in our trainings is tbri. And it's, it's really just building that relationship with kids. And really just understanding them because there's, you know, every kid is so different. And there's so many things to learn. And so for me, like I look at every difficult situation that I deal with, whether it be with our foster kids, or even my personal kids is being really self aware and being open to learning something new, and being able to look back at that situation and say, Wow, I really, you know, I learned this from that, or next time, I can really try this. And I've learned something new about my kid. And so now I can really apply that.

Trisha Stetzel: 8:18

So Rachel, when when somebody says social worker, everybody has their own like, right, like this, this thing that pops into their head, and I think there's a lot of misconceptions out there about what a social worker actually does? Or is, can we talk about a few of those? Yeah, um, so what I do is case management specifically and so I am that go between for foster families and CPS. And it really, it's, we're just part of a team. You know, for every kid that comes into care, there's a whole collective team that has to work together and get along because we all have the same goal. And that's for these kids to be safe and loved and ultimately have the best outcome possible no matter what that looks like. And so I always tell people, you know, because there is just this conception that it's there's so many different things that come to mind. And it's it's really people who do this, do this because we love kids and we want to help kids and help families you know, not just foster families but biological families because statistically so many of them come from trauma themselves and don't have that support and so being just one more person in their corner to root them on and so you can do this is really what we do.

Colton Cockerell: 9:40

And the I think the thing that you know, I hear a lot and that's what's so sad and that's why it's so important to have a you know, a solid ground with your children and you know, your personal children is because the people that are that do wind up in foster and not everybody there's horrible situations parents might pass away. Horrible things happen, but You know, you see, you know, abuse, you see all these horrible things. And that sets the stage for the kid for the rest of their lives, it is so difficult when something like that happens for them to break that mindset for them to open up and trust other people. Can you talk about that the importance of you know, really making sure that that you're loving your kid that you're just supporting them that you're not, you know, you're not tearing them down. Because all that stuff at a young age just being absorbed in that is just creating the person they're going to be in the future.

Raychel Modlin: 10:29

Absolutely, yet, we get, you know, these kids and they, they come to us whether they come at age two or age 17, there's already such a, like, large amount of trauma in this little person. And so you're really rewiring their brain. And so, you know, when you sit with them through those really difficult moments, and you show them like, Hey, you can trust me in in one of your most difficult times, where you're triggered, and you're really struggling, you build that relationship with them, and you help build that trust, where, when it comes time to getting more things that they need, they're gonna come to you, and they're gonna trust you for that. And so when you have a kid, especially with our older kids who, you know, are reluctant to getting help in therapy, when you build that trust with them, you're able to help them realize the benefits of it and get that buy in with them. Because you go through these horrible and tragic times with them.

Trisha Stetzel: 11:31

Oh, Rachel, what? So many families and most of our listeners are business owners. So they're balancing business, they're balancing their families, they're balancing kids and their household and trying to get healthy again, because maybe they let themselves go or COVID, right, all of these things? What piece of advice would you give to our listeners about finding that holistic balance between all of these things that are pushing and pulling in different directions?

Raychel Modlin: 12:04

I think the biggest thing for what I think is the best is self care, I always have to remind myself especially in this job where you do deal so many heavy things. Personally and ethically and then your work environment and then having to go home and, and turn that off. So you can be 100% for your kids or your family at home is self care. Because I really am a big believer that if I'm not taking care of myself, I can't give 100% in any aspect of my life. And so, you know, if I'm not taking that time to read my Bible every morning, or taking that one day a week to just, you know, spend an hour of quiet time and just breathe and you know, process then I can't give 100% to my family or to my job. And so to me, I like I always just I cannot harp enough on how important self care is for yourself, but also for your family.

Colton Cockerell: 13:06

She kind of just summed up what we're trying to do with our podcast. So thank you.

Trisha Stetzel: 13:10

Yes, that was amazing. Yeah. Well, so I want to take this, we only have a few minutes left. And I want to take this in a lighter direction. Because this topic is pretty heavy. But now I want to talk about animals. Because I know Rachel that you're a dog lover Colton. Yeah, you and I are both dog lovers. So we hang around with a bunch of dog lovers. So what about what about balancing this whole balancing act that we have, but we also have these four legged critters that we have to take care of. Right? So how do you what are there anything? Is there anything special that you do for your four legged kids on a regular basis?

Raychel Modlin: 13:54

They are horribly spoiled. And so they sleep in my king sized bed I get about two inches on my bed. They each have their own pillows and their own blankets. And so my husband nicely complete opposites of the bed so they can have the whole middle part. They are spoiled rotten. Cool.

Trisha Stetzel: 14:16

No, we're gonna add a whole nother segment to the show.

Colton Cockerell: 14:20

You probably actually have a lot of business people who can relate to that, you know? Like you and your wife hugging you at night. No, no, my dog right next to me at night that's

Raychel Modlin: 14:31

too hot. Don't worry about it. Just move over a little bit more and give them some space.

Trisha Stetzel: 14:37

Animals do so many great things for us though, you know, and I don't want to go too far into the health and wellness space because that's not what we're talking about. But they do become our family. You know, these four legged kids, whether it's dogs or cats or maybe you have parents or alligators whatever you have at home, they become part of your family and it their science that shows they can actually lower your blood fresher right? Cool. It was like, just stop it.

Colton Cockerell: 15:04

Alligators like who has a year? I don't know.

Trisha Stetzel: 15:09

I was just in New Orleans. I can't sorry. I my mind.

Colton Cockerell: 15:14

Yeah, yeah, come in. If you did not know this Rachel, Trisha is like the biggest dog. I mean she she's done a ton stuff with dogs. That's what she's a fan. But I do want our listeners when before they leave this podcast to really understand the importance of making sure that you do spend time with the family as a whole, you know, whether that's you know, spending an hour hour and a half a dinner every night together, whatever it may be spin that time, and really like, like Rachel said, pour yourself into, um, take take time to take care of yourself. So you can be there and present. But But knock that out. Because I know a lot of parents are juggling a ton, especially if you're a business owner, you are juggling a bunch. So Raychel, thank you so much for being on the show today. And Trisha, I'm gonna let you take us out today.

Trisha Stetzel: 15:56

All right, fantastic. Rachel, thank you so much for joining us. We had a really great time with you and I appreciate you sharing your story. Tune in next week for another exciting episode of Bridge the Gap will be focused

Colton Cockerell: 16:18

Thanks again for tuning into this week's podcast. Don't forget to subscribe and share this podcast on family and relationships for the entire month of May. Next with the most important people in your life. Colton Cockerell with Sharer McKinley Group, LLC is located at 820 South Friendswood Drive Suite 207 Friendswood, Texas 77546 phone week, we'll be talking to Erin Callahan about protecting you number to 281-992-5698. Securities and investment advisory services offered through NEXT Financial Group, and your family through estate planning. Inc. member FINRA/SIPC Sharer McKinley Group is not an affiliate of NEXT Financial Group, Inc.