U.S. Phenomenon with Mario Magaña
Welcome to "U.S. Phenomenon" with Mario Magaña, a riveting podcast that dives deep into the unexplained and the extraordinary. Join Mario, the host as he explores the most intriguing paranormal events, alien encounters, and mysterious sightings across the United States. With his unique blend of real-life experience and passion for the unexplained, Mario brings you thrilling stories and expert insights in every episode. Whether it's alien abductions, ghostly apparitions, or cryptozoological creatures, Mario's engaging storytelling will captivate and keep you on the edge of your seat. Tune in to "U.S. Phenomenon" and embark on a journey into the unknown that will have you questioning everything you thought you knew.
U.S. Phenomenon with Mario Magaña
Breaking Free: Phoenix Rose on Overcoming Domestic Abuse and Finding Empowerment
This episode tackles the critical issue of domestic violence, using recent allegations against Sean Diddy Combs as a springboard for discussion. Phoenix Rose shares her personal journey through an abusive relationship, shedding light on the psychological dynamics at play and offering vital insights into the healing process.
• Overview of recent allegations against celebrities
• Phoenix Rose shares her personal experience in an abusive relationship
• Discussion of red flags and signs of narcissistic relationships
• The spike in domestic violence during the pandemic
• Importance of finding support and building a safety plan
• Strategies for overcoming feelings of shame and guilt
• Tips for recognizing your worth and reclaiming your voice
• Pathways to healing and recovery through self-empowerment and professional help.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
Teen Dating Violence Hotline: 1-866-331-9474
StrongHearts Native Helpline: 1-844-762-8483
Email: Phoenix Rose WalkinginALOHA@gmail.com
Webite: BlessedToBeABlessingWorldwide.com
Fan Mail Be apart of the show, or send your suggestions or feedback.
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Welcome to US Phenomenon, where possibilities are endless. Put down those same old headlines. It's time to expand your mind and question what if? From paranormal activity to UFOs, bigfoot sightings and unsolved mysteries, this is US Phenomenon?
Speaker 2:From the Pacific Northwest in the shadow of the 1962 World's Fair, the Space Needle. I am your host, Mario Magana. This is US Phenomenon, where we explore the extraordinary and the unexplained, the latest headlines and the pressing issues. Today we discuss the shocking allegations against rapper musician mogul Sean Diddy Combs, accused of kidnapping, drugging and coercing women into sexual activities, alleged through using of firearms. Threats of violence Combs charges span decades. A widely seen graphic video shown the rapper assaulting his girlfriend in a hotel. Joining us to shed light on the pervasive issue of intimate partner violence is phoenix rose. She'll reveal the unseen reason women stay with those who hurt them, what domestic violence victims have in common with their abusers and why the occurrence of domestic violence spiked dramatically during the pandemic pho. Phoenix also shares her personal stories of escaping a violent relationship and rebuilding her life, offering real, actionable advice for people to help themselves or their loved ones do the same. Phoenix is the author of Walking in Aloha Five Steps to Living. It is my pleasure to welcome to US Phenomenon Phoenix Rose. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3:Aloha. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:Obviously not always the most sexiest of topics to talk about on this show, but I thought the insight because it is so fresh, so relevant right now. And what's been going on the allegations between Sean Diddy Combs and his victims now the new allegations with Jay-Z are coming out and how the courts are now saying, hey, you're not going to dictate and mandate how fast we go through this process. Can you share with us what made you decide to write this book?
Speaker 3:Well, you know, there's just so much out there and I, at first I didn't want to. Actually that's the truth, you know, because you don't want to relive all of the mess.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 3:I want to say crap. I mean, you know you don't want to yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to relive it. But I have close friends that were going through it and just by sharing my story they were saying I really wish you wrote this book, because one of my really good friends, she ended up moving from Hawaii to Colorado to help her daughter and she said it would have helped her if I wrote the book. And I was like you know what it needs to get written, and so I had to put my story out to share it, so that other people wouldn't have to go through or, you know, at least have some kind of help going through the steps and not have to feel that they were alone. That's the hardest thing when you feel like you're alone and you're doing this all by yourself and no one ever went through it. But no, it's not the truth. There's a lot of people going through it. It's just a silent thing where nobody wants to talk about it I was just going to say.
Speaker 2:This is one of these topics that no one wants to share or talk about, because it if, if you're the victim, you you feel like you're being shamed or looked down upon in regards to something that is going on in your life, when reality is, is that you, you need, you need, you need friends and family to help get you through the situation at hand, and I thought this would be a great opportunity within the new year for those who may be driving listening watching us on the podcast. We want to make sure that, if you're sensitive to these things, come back and listen to the show. If you're driving and you're like I can't listen, please listen. Maybe you have a friend that may need help.
Speaker 2:Maybe you, maybe you, are the one who may need help. There are crisis hotlines that are anonymous that you can get help the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233. We'll have those posted in the podcast as well as if you're watching us on the stream. When I saw this, I was like, okay, how do we approach this on a level that everyone, from anyone, from a teenager all the way up to 99, because this really spans all generations it happens to everyone, right, in regards to these types of issues domestic violence and becoming a victim, these types of issues that you know, domestic violence and becoming a victim. Phoenix, can you share with us how this all started for you? When you like, how did you, where did this all begin for you? When you started, you know, thinking of, about this book and like obviously you went through a dramatic time. But when you're going through that, that process, take us back to being in the relationship. Like, talk about that with us. Share a little bit, uh, if you could, about that relationship and where you thought it.
Speaker 3:Things were so great, but really you, the red flags, were really there yeah, you know, that's the thing where people get into the relationship and it seems so great and in a narcissistic relationship, that is what they do. They really pour on the, the honey. I guess they pour on what makes it really good, and you almost feel, um, overwhelmed and lost in all of this. And I was coming out of a divorce, so it was even more for me, like I was. I went back to a old boyfriend that's what it was and I thought, oh, I, I went back to a old boyfriend, that's what it was, and I thought, oh, I'm going back to someone that I was with when I was only 16 years old. It'll be great, familiar, but I never knew. Yeah, something familiar. Coming back home, I was living in Washington, I was living in washington, I was living in washington state. I moved back to hawaii and I was like, oh, it's gonna be good.
Speaker 3:But I didn't know the changes that happened in him throughout the years that we were apart and it just started where, the jealousy, the looking at other people, or he's accusing me of looking at other people. Sure, oh, I saw you looking at him. You know those kind of accusations um, telling me how to dress, how to act. You know the control and I thought, oh, you know, he just um. You know he just um, he's just unsure right now.
Speaker 3:It'll take time, it's just new. You know it's okay. You know, and I just try to make things right. And you I think that's what a lot of people do is that you want the relationship to work, so you start to make excuses for the wrongful behaviors, and as the excuses become worse, you're now lost in making those excuses, and especially if you're covering up for things that are wrong and people are around you now you're like in the middle of a lie that you can't get out of, and so it was hard. And then it started getting worse, where now it's becoming physical, where those accusations becomes yelling and throwing things, and then the actual physical violence.
Speaker 2:And how long were you in that relationship before you got out?
Speaker 3:I was in the relationship for, I want to say, like five years before I could actually escape. It was actually like an escape because I had to hide my. I had to hide getting out. Um, I was so afraid of what would happen. Um, I was seeing a psychologist at the time and it's in my book, um, so I don't want to share everything, but yeah, it actually was a literal escape where I had to hide what I was doing in order for me to escape safely. The one thing that my psychologist told me was I will see you out, not dead, and that scared me.
Speaker 2:It's interesting when you say that, because a lot of people who may be listening are already judging saying five years in an abusive relationship, mind you, uh, things that most of us who are like listening or watching don't understand, as someone who may not be in a in a domestic violent relationship is. There are other things at play control of your money, your assets, things of that nature. Is that something that you had to do was to get out of the relationship? I know that there are things that are available to individuals now these hotlines, these crisis hotlines that would be able to help others to get out of the situation much quicker. I just want to say I don't know, but I'm trying to be sensitive to timing in regards to your situation, but if we can help others who may be listening to get out, go, go Sooner.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right, yeah, definitely, with my situation in Hawaii. There's a lot of families where, because it's so expensive here, a lot of families live together, and I had family living in the same house, and so, though he was really good about hiding things and making things look good when people were home and I did hide also I would stay in the room. If there was any evidence of anything, I would stay out of sight, sure, I would stay out of sight, sure, and they were in the house, but I didn't want them to be out of a home, and that's one thing that he would use against me. He would say, if you say anything, they would be out. Where would they go, and it would stop me from saying anything or doing anything. So, to protect the ones that were living in the house, I would stay quiet, sure, so I would definitely.
Speaker 3:If there is a way out, I would definitely tell people to get out as soon as possible, never to stay in a dangerous violent relationship, but do get out safe, because there are people who believe that I can just leave and it's not a safe way to leave. I'll share a story where one of it happened just. I mean, it was like just five minutes away from where I live now. She had a restraining order against her abuser and she was in the mall king line and that restraining order is. It only works if people follow it right our guests.
Speaker 2:Uh, phoenix rose. Uh, we're having some issues in regards to Internet feed. I think she's cutting in and out right now. We'll wait for the Internet to become stable again. We are just standing by here patiently waiting, and hopefully we'll be back here. If you are someone who is in need of these following crisis hotlines the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799 7233. Okay, as you were saying, against restraining orders.
Speaker 3:She was at the mall.
Speaker 2:You were saying she was at the mall.
Speaker 3:Yes, she was at the mall. Yes, she was at the mall and she was actually shot at the mall. So the restraining order, like I said, only works if it's obeyed, right? Sure, so to get out, get out safe. And my book Walking in Aloha. The last A of Aloha is acute awareness. I use the letters of Aloha and that's how God got me through my own domestic violence and that's what I share with others Affirmations and actions, leadership and love, overcoming obstacles, health and healing. And that last one, acute awareness, is to be aware of your surroundings and be aware of what's going on inside yourself, because a lot of times your gut instinct is what tells you that something is wrong. You know right, something is wrong. You know there is something wrong in this environment. I need out.
Speaker 2:So and for a lot for those who may be out of relationships, going into new relationships. Uh, not that I'm some prophetic, you know anything of anything but I would say, make sure you heal be able to take the time to reflect. Um, if that's within, uh, if it's seeking therapy, you know, through a therapist, uh, if it's going back to the gym and getting, you know working out, um, doing a, you know, doing a 90-day cleanse, things to like mind, body and soul, to get yourself right back into a position where you're ready to be with a partner again. However that plays out for you, make sure you take those steps to mind, body and soul, to feel good about yourself, to understand what happened in your past relationship, to make your next relationship even better, what happened in your past relationship to make your next relationship even better. Um, it's so funny. We talk about, you know, this show being obviously all topics in general, but I thought this was so important to talk about because I don't think it is talked about enough where it and we know that it's been headline news for a while now we know the allegations against, you know, diddy and, uh, someone that I would say that I grew up listening to.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is crazy to me, although you know, you go back and you look at the R Kelly situation and you're like, okay, a huge fan of Aaliyah, you know, and I loved Aaliyah and I just thought she was just the most beautiful individual. And you're like man, how is that girl married? You know, like all these things that we all saw back in the day, as you know, growing up in that time period of the 90s, and we're like wait, for those who may be a little bit older than maybe our parents listening, they're like what is going on? We're teaching you right now what was going on back in the day wasn't okay, that marriage that alia was secretly having or that came out. We're like wait, how is she married? She's 16, young.
Speaker 2:You know, I remember being that young. I was like, wow, damn, that sucks. Well, I mean for me, because I was like a dude who like totally thought alia was smoking gorgeous and, um, you know, to see her pass away in a tragic accident. The same thing with Left Eye Lopez. I mean she was in, you know, another relationship. There was a lot of domestic violence going on in that relationship.
Speaker 3:Let's talk about a little bit of what you've seen in the headlines through the years that may have kind of molded you into regards to things that you thought were important to add to the book. Well, you know, honestly, I am not one to watch news or into the headlines, Right, you know anything like that. But I do see that and once I see it, I'm like I understand the other side, right, I understand where they, why they stayed, why it lasted so long, or the hope that things got better. You know those kinds of things. So I look at the underbelly side of it that's what I look at and where people are like, oh, why didn't she get out, why didn't she do this? You know I'm like no, there is more to it, there is a underlying side of it.
Speaker 3:So and when you say underlying yeah like the the backbone, it's hard, it is it's very hard right.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of things that but there is always we're losing a little bit of you again here on the feed, on the internet connection here. I think it's reestablishing itself. When you talk about being hard or difficult during those times and periods, maybe give some insight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I can hear you.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's give some insight to those for those who may be listening who are like how do I get help? What would be your first step to someone who is struggling with just existence? What do you tell that victim?
Speaker 3:you know, the first thing that I would say is to find someone that you can really talk, to find someone that you can really talk to. The one thing that I didn't was, um, feeling like I couldn't talk to anyone and I, like I said, I stayed in the room a lot, I kept quiet a lot. Um, when I reached out to people and I said, even the smallest thing because of the way he was, that, like I say, narcissistic way is that they take the people you're closest to and they will kind of like groom them also, grooming you. They groom them also and they make sure that they're like um, planting all this like niceness and oh, I'm so, I'm such a great person that when you, as the victim, come out and say something, they're like they can't believe it yes, almost yeah.
Speaker 2:They can't believe it.
Speaker 3:They're like smoking mirrors no, I'm trying to think of the word that is used Almost like love bombing. Love bombing.
Speaker 2:Would be one where, like essentially, as you said, you're grooming, so like the family members are like no, you know, I got to come up with some fake name. I don't want to use someone's real name.
Speaker 3:They're like wait why are you using my name Right? So you know right, right, right.
Speaker 2:The guy's like how could it be that you know, he, he's so great and he, he goes fishing with us. We do these things together. How is it so that he what are? Then it goes back to the abuser. What are you doing, right?
Speaker 3:Yes, and that's exactly what was said. What are you doing? And so, because it did come back to me and that's the victim shaming and I felt like I had to be the one to step back. I didn't want to share because I was like I don't want to be the one feeling like I'm getting hit by both sides. Right Now. You're not only being abused by your abuser, you're feeling like I can't talk to the people that's supposed to be the one protecting me and closest to me. So find someone that you can talk to, confide in them and you know, if that's not the one person, then go to someone else, but do find someone. And that is the one thing that I did, and it was outside of the house. I ended up talking to medical professionals, right, someone outside of your home, you know. It doesn't have to be someone inside your house where you think, oh, this is a safe place. And sometimes they're the very ones who don't understand.
Speaker 2:For those who may be listening and watching and don't understand what a narcissistic relationship is, let me give you the definition so you understand what we are are talking about. On sharing this afternoon, now, this evening, uh, whatever the case may be for you, in a narcissistic relationship the partner may manipulate, control and belittle the other partner in uh maintaining power of control. This can lead to emotional, physical abuse, leaving the a non-narcissistic partner feeling drained, confused and devalued.
Speaker 3:That is exactly what it was.
Speaker 2:For those who may be, and it doesn't have to be just physical abuse, it can roll back to mental. I mean, let's be honest, there's a lot of people in relationships that may be like, oh well, I guess I had no idea, you know, that we were in these types of abuse or these types of relationships. And I think, even for I get to be the test I mean being someone who is single and not you know who's seeking a partner but like, okay, so I've been married once, you know know, and I dearly love my ex-wife and love our, you know, child and we're, you know, raising her and doing, trying to do our best to, you know, be great co-parents to her and make her a phenomenal individual in the world. But, you know, coming close to you know, a second marriage and then, you know, crashing and burning and then, like, really understanding what was really going on in that relationship was quite interesting to me. Yes, there were things that were going on in the relationship, but it was very much that a relationship that probably should never have gotten started to begin with. If that makes sense now I, I, you know, for a lack of other reasons I won't go into all of those types of things. But I will say that it was a relationship that ended and we'll never go back and I'm thankful that that person is, you know, in a probably a successful dating relationship and that's fantastic for her.
Speaker 2:For me, I am going to try to get it right this time and to continue to, when I date, go through my steps to understand what it is that I am looking for in my forever partner. Or maybe it's not a forever partner, maybe it's a partner in that specific timeframe, but to bring someone back into my life to be a part of uh, of any relationship, to remind everyone that it is, it takes two. It's a 50 50 street uh, and recognize these things. As you were just saying, go with your gut, uh, especially on a first date. If it's not vibing right, don't push it, just say, hey, you know what, it was awesome. I really appreciate your time. Thank you very much. Move on.
Speaker 2:I think that and I'm not trying to victim blame anyone I think it is so crucial that we listen to our gut right In these situations. Going back into relationships where the person may be a victim of some type of mental or physical abuse, again, you're, you're kind of our like, you're our hero right now. To be to put pen to paper, to be able to share your true, authentic self in a book is kind of scary, it's not fun, it's not sexy. Things that you are sharing are the keys to life to be able to give others out there their opportunity to get out, to move forward with their lives, to better themselves, without giving all the goodies within the book. We'll have a link posted in the podcast available. I'm assuming it's on Amazon. Where can they find your book right now if they're looking for it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so my book Walking in Aloha. It's actually on Amazon, barnes, noble.
Speaker 2:It's on a lot of different platforms, so I would suggest just looking for it and getting where, getting it wherever you can find it okay yeah, what's interesting to me and I I love that you know you came on and I know thank you for being so patient and the timing being so just I I'm so thankful for you to come on today and to share your story. What's interesting to me about all of this is that there are steps right Recognizing. Can we share at least those five steps on? To get a victim? Maybe someone's listening. How do I get out? What do I need to do Like I don't want my partner to know that I need help or I don't want my family to think I'm some loser out here? What do we tell people who are struggling with that darkness that they're going through right now?
Speaker 3:I think the very first step is to recognize that you are important enough to say I need to be safe, I need to get out. You know when you can say I have to get out, I need to be safe. That's when you'll be able to walk out of this relationship and find the help that you need, and whether you contact a helpline or, like I did, seek medical help and get the help that was brought to me through my doctor. Those are the steps. So just find that first help where somebody can lead you to safety. But you need to stay, as my psychologist said, while in the relationship. If you're still in the home, you need to be I hate to say the word secretive, but you need to be safe. You don't want your abuser to know that you are planning your way out, because when they know that you're on your way out, that's when it will get more dangerous. And so if you can just stay quiet about that and you know, if you, if it is possible, if it is possible like for me, I had family, right, I couldn't just leave If it is possible for you to just leave, please do Just. You know, pick up and go, because that would be the safest way. But if not, then stay safe and, you know, take precautions. Take those safe precautions Because I would not want to tell anyone to. You know, stir the pot and create more violence in your relationship.
Speaker 3:But, as I did, I stayed quiet, pretending things were great. I hid my finances. I had a friend that actually made another account and where I was saying that I was doing some side work for her, just for you know nothing. She was putting money into an account. Every time that I would go and do work for her, I was putting my clothes and things in a bag and we would ship it off to my daughter and it was being shipped to Washington. So things were being moved. Um, so it's, as I said, escape it is. It was actually feeling like I was running away. You know it. It is crazy thing, but it was the safest way for me to do it, to get out. And then my daughter was giving birth to my grandson and I said I'm going to go visit. But I wasn't. I actually went there to move and never came back. So that was my escape and he never knew it. It was totally unknown to him that I already had finances and I already had things moved out and I just left.
Speaker 2:It's interesting when you talk about these things and coming to Washington to escape how long did you stay in Washington?
Speaker 3:So I was in Washington for, and you don't even look old enough to be a grandmother, by the way. Well, thank you, thank you. No, I'm 56 years old, I have four kids and I'm going to be a grandma of eight soon. Wow yeah, congratulations. My son and my daughter-in-law. They're expecting in May of next year. So excited, so excited. But, yeah, sorry, what was the question again?
Speaker 2:I forgot how long were you in Washington.
Speaker 3:I only stayed up there for probably like three years and I have a thing Washington gets too cold for me. Okay, I was born and raised in Hawaii and I have to come home. Sure.
Speaker 2:It becomes very dreary and very long during these long dark months. I get it because even the older I get now, the more I'm like I can't take it anymore. It is something I mean, and I'm a Washingtonian, I've lived here my entire life, you know, being a homer that I am, I mean there are times now I'm like man. I got to make sure I'm taking, you know, getting some sun or being in that element as much as I possibly can if it's out in the environment. So in those three years that you were here, did you, was it a time for healing?
Speaker 3:just reflection for yourself. What did you do in those three years while you were here in Washington? You know I love that. You said you mentioned about taking care of yourself, looking at you know, looking inward when you're healing, because that is exactly what I did when I went to Washington. I moved up there. I was 225 pounds and I lost what? 80 pounds or something like that.
Speaker 3:Everyone teases me and says, well, it's like you lost a small child. But I went down to 135 and I not only got control of my weight, but I learned a lot about myself and standing up for myself and being a stronger person inside and out. You know like the weights made me stronger but and everything else like living by myself, not having to live with anyone, I was on my own. I you know like I had my own business up there. I actually started my own business up there and I was like you know, years of being held down and being under that control. I was like, no, this is not the way anyone should live and just learning and doing a lot of personal development. I am now addicted to self-help courses. I need to stop. No but I do, I love buying self-help courses.
Speaker 3:I need to stop. No, but I do. I love buying self-help courses. I am actually becoming one of the Lisa Nichols certified facilitators as of now. I'm studying her, so I really think that going through all of that was a hard time, but it taught me a lot, and now I want to become a better person, not just for myself, but so that I can help other people and, you know, show them that when you go through this type of thing, like when you go through domestic violence or when you go through any kind of trauma, that's not the end all be all, because there's so many people who say you know what? My life is screwed and they feel like that's it. But no, it's not. As long as you have breath, as long as you have a voice and that's one thing that I say now never forget your voice, never forget your voice, because as long as you have breath and you have a voice, your story needs to be told.
Speaker 2:Our guest tonight. Author of Walking in Aloha right. Author of Walking in Aloha right. Walking in Aloha Five Steps to Living your God Potential Life.
Speaker 2:You know what's interesting to me as we sit here and talk and reflect about, you know, going through relationships I forget the word that a lot of people trauma, bond and people in abusive relationships or getting out of relationships that are abusive, as you were talking about having that time to reflect, I think tend to link up or find individuals that may be going through the similar thing and and then revisit or get back into a relationship that may be not in a good place, where there may be abuse again in regards to physical or mental abuse.
Speaker 2:So we always say you know, seek help, look for it, take that time for yourself. It's interesting because when you look at, you know, in Diddy's case, that video that came out of A Marie I forget the gal's name, the young one that they found in the hotel, just shocking video to see, period. I mean think of this young woman, had all this money, was famous but still like, as you were saying, as as we, you know, you talk about they're, they're being controlled. I mean it doesn't mean you have to be poor to be in a domestic violent relationship. You look at this high level mogul controlling this. You know this young woman and grooming her and and she's saying that everything was fantastic. It's crazy to me yeah, that's.
Speaker 3:That's the thing, though the love bombing. It does feel. It does feel fantastic. Honestly. It does feel good because it's just like I say they pour on the honey, they do Sure, and you can't help but feel like….
Speaker 2:Euphoric, I mean it's a high right yeah.
Speaker 3:It's a high and oh, this person must love me, right, that's what you think, sure, yeah, and that's the mistake, where you start using the word love, where you're like, oh, they love me, but that's not it. It's not that they love you, it's that they found someone that they can control and they realize that um, I was.
Speaker 2:I wanted to make sure I got her name right.
Speaker 2:I was like, look it is it is amary, right, I forget the girl, the gal's name in that video. Anyhow, I probably shouldn't out her out. I mean it's, it's out there, it's public knowledge. I know she's. You know, if it wasn't for her, a lot of this stuff probably would still be secret.
Speaker 2:And I know that there are other artists who have spoken against this types of situations and it being so normal and when I say normal that it's been going on behind the scenes, I'm not saying that I'm normalizing or I'm saying that it's a normal thing. I'm just saying that this was something that was behind the scenes. Normal Now because of these victims coming forward and sharing their stories and you having a book that's out now that gives ways for it's. It's interesting because it's almost like if this book was in the house of a victim. They're toast, right, they don't have like. It's almost like, as you were talking about being living. We don't want to say secret, but hiding the identity of you moving forward with your life and maybe that's the word that I'll use is continue to having almost like an alter ego or being a way to live this life that you know, that you need to shed this outer skin so that you can move forward, and what I would say is, just again, be careful, get help. If it's seeking psychiatric help, if it's calling the domestic violence hotline. These numbers are anonymous. Again, they've been scrolling through the scroll If you've been watching us 1-800-799-7233. Strong Hearts for Native Hotline. I know there's a lot of natives up here in the Pacific Northwest that domestic violence doesn't get shared a lot of the times. We would like for the their hot helpline is 1-844-762-8483. I am very dyslexic when I read sometimes so I want to make sure I get them right.
Speaker 2:And if you're a teen who is listening to the show, uh, there is a domestic teen dating hotline. Look, you're young, you're dating, it happens. Look, um, you don't understand your, your emotions, you're excuse me, that was my dad in me you're, you're, you're, you're growing into your emotions. You're trying to understand, uh, how to navigate life as a teenager. If you need help and you're dating and the teen violent, there is a teen violence hotline. That's 1-866-331-9474. Again, all those hotlines will be posted in the podcast.
Speaker 2:You can go to your favorite podcasting platform and just search US Phenomenon with Mario Magana. Or you can go to my website onairmariocom, click on the podcast tab and you can subscribe that way. It's super easy that way. So you got your options. However, you prefer to download your podcast, but please like and subscribe to the podcast podcast. But please like and subscribe to the podcast. Now, when we talk about this shedding of skin, making our way through life, trying to learn, look, when you're in a relationship and you feel like you're overwhelmed, you feel the love bomb, you feel the abuse that is going on in this relationship. It doesn't have to be physical abuse, it can be mental abuse as well and you don't realize it. It's key to start to reflect, spend time, do things. If you're not doing things with your friends and having a normal relationship outside of your partner, I mean, yes, we get you do things with your partner, that is 100%, but have you time right? I mean, these are healthy things in all types of relationships.
Speaker 3:Yes, the one thing that he did was separate me, though, and he did say you were gone for so long. They had you for this many years I didn't, and so the guilt and that's one thing that they will try to do is to pull you away from your relationships with other people, and it is part of that control. So once you see that, that is a huge red flag. When you start to see that they start saying, oh, you know, I think that you're seeing your friends too much, or you know, you spend so much time with your family, don't you love me? Those kind of things you know, and they make you choose, then that's a red flag saying, um, they're wanting to control the time that you have with other people, because the more you spend time with other people, you're going to have those healthy relationships, and that's not something that they can manipulate. Right, once you start being on the outside and you, you are more healthy, then you're starting to look at that like, hey, that's not right. I shouldn't feel this way with you. So they need to keep that control and they'll keep you away from your normal relationships, one of the things I am a Christian and I was always in church.
Speaker 3:He would go to church with me, but when I would raise my hands in worship, he would put my hand down and he would say if you want me to come to church with you, you wouldn't do that because that's so embarrassing. And I would now feel like okay, I don't want you not to come with me. I'm sorry, I embarrassed you by doing that.
Speaker 2:It's interesting that you would say that he would even try to control your faith with you know a higher power. Uh, that that that is on B beyonds, like a realm that I would, you know, I would, I don't know or have like it's. It's mind blowing for someone who, like myself or anybody else listening to think that someone would want to control your faith with the Lord or with you know a higher power. That is on levels of like disturbing crazy to me that he felt that insecure about himself that he needed to control the entire environment, which is scary. It's. It's because you think about it on levels of well, why is she worshiping this guy, his faith over me, almost like he wanted to be the, the almighty right?
Speaker 3:Yeah, the only one. Yeah, and if there's anything else, then if you love anyone else, if you'd love anything else, then if you love anyone else, if you love anything else, then that's a problem. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm taken back by that. I got to be, honest with you, someone who has faith. I'm taken back by the audacity of someone trying to control someone's faith. Um, and look everyone and there may be people that are listening that may not have it, and that's okay too, um, but not okay to control someone's faith, you know. Let them be express themselves. It's almost to. It's almost like grooming is what it sounds like to me, like you were being groomed and controlled enough to the narrative that made him feel safe.
Speaker 2:So that he felt like he was in in full control of everything, including situations outside of the four walls of what was called your guys's home yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:So, like I said, if there was anything that I gave my attention to outside of him, um, then it was a problem. Um, I didn't realize that even for my phone he paid for my phone, that there's a way that you can track it.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 3:You can track the phone and I didn't know that I was tracked on my phone. The things that I didn't know that now I know um I was tracked on my phone. He would come to my work. He would know if I was either in my building or just outside of my building.
Speaker 2:So he was definitely really tracking you definitely really tracking you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I, I was blown away at the fact that he was so upset one day that, okay, so the building was probably what in my office I was like and it's the same building. But see, then I I found myself doing that a lot where I was, um, trying to justify myself for being in that situation, like I was only downstairs why, why is that a problem? I was just at the sushi sushi place, right? Why are you now justifying yourself for being a normal person?
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 3:And yeah, things like that. But it got to that point and I it was in that office. Um, he came to the office one day and he brought flowers out of the blue. And that's the thing too. They will do things like that and it shows everyone around you how great they are. Right, if they come with flowers and candies out of the blue and they're like oh my gosh, he surprised you Little, did I know that's part of it, that's all a part of it. And when he came he brought me flowers, put it on my desk, huge bunch of roses.
Speaker 3:But the girl that worked with me, he didn't see her because she had an office in the back and I was the receptionist in the front. So he only saw me. And she asked me one day like, oh, come downstairs and have a cigarette with me. I said I don't smoke cigarettes. She goes no, just come downstairs, we can talk, right. And I thought whatever you know. So I went downstairs and stood outside with her while she was smoking her cigarette. And it was because she said I know him and I was like what? And she goes, he dated my sister and they had a like a crazy relationship where he was like really violent.
Speaker 3:He followed her everywhere and all and he, she was telling me my life and I was so surprised because he didn't see her. Right, he didn't see her, he didn't know she was there. And I was so afraid like, oh no, she knows exactly what I'm going through. And because I didn't know I was trapped. He ended up in the parking lot. Oh, wow, and yeah, and he was like, oh, I wanted to bring you lunch. And we were both like shocked, because now we're sitting there talking about him, right, and we're like, oh no, how much does he know? Did he hear? How long was he here? And I was so scared I was like, okay, thank you. And then she bolted, she went upstairs and then we were like after we're in the office and we're like how did he know? How did he know we were outside? You know? Sure, now I'm hearing it from someone else that I'm not crazy, I'm not making this up, it's not in my mind, that's where.
Speaker 3:I believe that God gave me verification through someone else that I wasn't losing my mind. I'm not making it up.
Speaker 2:And, as we all know or maybe you don't know that, there are devices, there are, there are different types of things that are available to families, to, you know, make sure that their kids are safe. There are tracking devices, there are apps, there are things within the iPhones that you can set up as a family. Uh, like you know, the only pair I share my, my location with my, my sister and my daughter, and my daughter shares her location with me, and so I know exactly where it works. She is 16. I don't ask a lot of questions, but it's, it's helpful for when she is around, when she's making the commute to seattle to hang out with me, that we have an idea where she is, so that we know that she's safe during her transition.
Speaker 2:Um, but this is something that we should. It should not be abused and for those, um understanding or that, who are in relationships you know people will say I don't know that I was in a relationship, I don't know that I need my partner to know exactly where I'm at, nor do I need to know where my partner is at. We should have trust in in our relationship. That is respect that. Hey, I'm going to have dinner with my friends, here's where I'm going. I will check in and let you know how things are going. Blah, blah, blah. Things of that nature. That is respect it, make sure that and if you are going to as a lot of people are doing now track, use these apps to know each other's location that's on you. But understand, you can look in your device to make sure if you are sharing your location with a contact boyfriend, girlfriend, to see if someone and then that way you can have a better understanding of what is going on. Like maybe you don't know you're in a relationship that is abusive and you feel like, how does he know that this is going on, or she? I shouldn't always play in the guy, but maybe guys are being abused as well. I don't know that that happens a ton, but I think it's the vice versa, where women are more victims than guys, but I'm sure there are a few guys that are victims as well. But check your phone, understand, be aware of your surroundings, have an understanding of what's going on with your phone. All you got to do is look and you can see if you're sharing your location with a contact. Just go to the contact and you can see if you're sharing your, your location. If you're on an iphone and whatnot now other, you can also google it. Use incognito window if you need, you know. Go to do it at work if you, if you're in an abusive relationship, be smart about how you're doing these things so that you don't become punished for seeking refuge or help. That is my key here is to make sure that everyone stays safe. Use these hotlines Again.
Speaker 2:Phoenix Rose has been so kind and gracious to join us to share her thoughts and perspectives of what these abusive relationships look like and how to move forward in your life. Did you ever feel that you were ever going to be able to get out of that relationship? At that point in time when you're like, oh my god, this guy knows now, I'm sure you felt like crud that now a co-worker knows what's going on, you're did you feel like at that point you're like I need out, or did you feel like you were still the victim, like you were like taking the blame for what was going on, like, oh, I did something bad.
Speaker 3:Well, at that point, you know, like I said, I realized that it wasn't just me, it wasn't all in my mind. I knew I had to get out, but at that point I didn't know how. I didn't know how to get out. It wasn't until, I think, a few months after that that I actually went into the doctor's office and that part is in my book also where my doctor realized that there was something wrong. He asked me if there was something wrong and I said no, everything was fine. For one point.
Speaker 3:The first time I went in to see him, the abuser came in with me. He asked the doctor asked oh, do you want him to stay outside? And before I could answer he was like no, I'm going in with her. And I said it's okay, you know, because at that point you can't say no, he would be like why are you telling me to stay outside? So he came in with me.
Speaker 3:The second time I went in my doctor I guess he knew from the very initial visit he automatically said she'll be back, you can stay out here. He didn't even give him a chance to answer. And that's when I went in and he looked at me and asked are you okay? And because I was by myself at the time, I told him no, I'm not okay. And I told him what was going on and he said do you need us to remove him? We can get you help now. And because I had people at home, I said no, I explained everything. I don't want people to be out of a home, I don't know what's going to happen if I say something now. And that's when he got me in contact with my psychologist. At first I was like I don't need a psychologist, I'm not crazy, you know, I didn't know what that meant. And he goes that's not what it's for. You know, you need someone to talk to.
Speaker 2:To be that other person, yeah, to be that confident, um other person, to give you that overview, that that 200 foot overview of what's going on and and not be judgmental, right to be able to give insight to what they're you're sharing with them, to give you tools to make the proper decision, to move forward and how to navigate through that.
Speaker 3:Yes, and that is what helped me. That started everything how to get out safely. Who, to you know like? Find someone that you can talk to, someone that you can safely confide in, someone that will do these things for you. And that's where I confided in a friend that helped me to move my things out, to get that account for me under her name. You know things like that. So it wasn't until then that the ball started rolling and I was able to get out, but it did take time because I couldn't just leave. Sure.
Speaker 2:As we get close to wrapping things up here, our guest Phoenix Rose, walking in aloha, someone who may be listening, who may have just jumped on, who may need help, summarize to them what they should. Summarize to them how they can get help. What should they do? Oh, did we lose you? Are you still there? I think she's still there. Are you there? Hello, oh, there you are. Okay, I lost you there for a second. So if you were to summarize here, as we get close to wrapping things up, someone who might need help, let's summarize something that you can give them a little quick, little tip to move forward, to take that first initial step, little tip to move forward to take that first initial step.
Speaker 3:To take that first initial step, look inside yourself, remember who you are oh no, you froze again there.
Speaker 2:I believe she said take that initial first step to know who you are. Our guest Phoenix Rose, walking in Aloha. Hopefully she'll be back here shortly. Again, if you need help, you can always safely use the domestic um domestic violence hotline. Um, you can, there is, uh, we'll have all these posted within the podcast. Um again. Uh, phoenix rose, uh, share with us one one thing you would give to someone who's listening, who might need to take that first step.
Speaker 3:I would say you know, seek someone that you can talk to. Just remember who you are, who you were created to be. As I said, I'm a Christian. God created you with a unique voice, as a unique person. No one should ever take that away from you. Remember who you are and never forget your voice. So seek help. Like I said, the National Domestic Hotline, or, like I did, seek medical help and they can get you to someone who can help you.
Speaker 2:And this doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship too. There are and I hate to say this, this, but there are people that are working in the industry that probably is frowned upon and there's probably so much domestic violence going on for those individuals that may be. You know, you know bikini baristas or strippers and you know working in strip clubs and things of that nature, and I know that's not always a fun job and I'm not one to judge. But look, everyone deserves to be treated with respect, regardless of what they do for a living. You are human, you are a person regardless, so we don't. I'm not shaming anyone in regards to this.
Speaker 3:Everyone is important and is equal, and equal and deserves to have a voice yes, yes, exactly so, no matter where you are, who you are, yes, and you did mention about um men as victims. And there are men who are victims and it's even harder for them because they are supposed to be the manly man right, they can't possibly be a victim. But it is true, that's right, there are men who are victims.
Speaker 2:It is. It is very true. It is very true. I think, uh, I think, things that are not always brought up, is that also men's? Mental health awareness is not also brought up.
Speaker 2:Uh, we'll also put those uh in the podcast as well as we get close to wrapping things up from the pacific northwest. You can find her book on amazon. We'll have a link posted in the podcast. Uh, author phoenix. Uh, it is such an honor to have you on, phoenix rose.
Speaker 2:Author of walking in aloh Five Steps to Living your Godly Life. You don't have to be God, you don't have to have faith, you can be spiritual whatever. However, your faith and walk in life is no judgment on anyone here. Again, it's so what a pleasure to have you come on and share your story with us to help others out there. This is something that is not always talked about. It's not sexy, it's not UFO-y, it's not big footy Sasquatch one of my favorite things. It's not Chupacabra, it's not any of those paranormal type of things, but it's life. It is something that is on this plane that doesn't always get talked about.
Speaker 2:Domestic violence, physical violence, these things that are in the headline news right now If you're someone who is watching that again, we do not condone. There are places you can go for help. If you need help, please seek help. You know. Like I said, go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Go to the Strong Hearts Native Helpline Teens. If you're struggling out there and you're in a relationship you're learning how to date, of course, and you feel like you're in an abusive or a violent relationship, there is a teen hotline 1-866-331-9474.
Speaker 3:Again, as we wrap things up, any last parting words from you well, no, thank you for having me on and have a happy new year same to you and, again, a pleasure as we wrap things up from the Pacific Northwest.
Speaker 2:I'd like to thank our guest Phoenix Rose Walking in Aloha. If you need help, please go download the podcast. All the links will be provided in the podcast as well. Go to your favorite podcasting platform or search for us. Us Phenomenon with Mario Magana, or go to my website onairmariocom. Click on the podcast tab and you can subscribe that way. Uh, for my entire team Mark Christopher, sophia Magana and myself. Mario Magana, be sure to look up at the sky, because you never know what you might see. Good night,
