Where your Morals at?

Episode: 203

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This week we talked about morals….

What do morals actually look like in today’s world? Are they the same across the board, or does everyone bend the rules when it benefits them? We dive into morals in dating, morals in everyday life, & how Millennial’s are raising their  kids and what is really being  passed down.

This episode gets honest about accountability, double standards, and the uncomfortable truth about who we say we are vs. how we actually move.

And we’re introducing something new…

Our brand new segment is officially named: “Melanate It” 

This week, we flipped the classic Meet the Fockers and gave it that Copacetic twist!

Tune In ! 

Featuring:

@Letstalk.sispodcast

@Janny_yellow

@K.leiofficial

 Copacetic Apparel 

https://teamtch.square.site/

@Thecopacetichour 
@Notorious_big_e

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Yes, this is the Copacetic Hour. Copacetic is a term meaning everything is fine, cool, and in excellent order. This podcast is an air for open discussion, but not for the weak hearted nor the simple-minded. And although we may not always agree, we will always exemplify respect. But at the same time, nobody, and I do mean nobody, is exempt from getting these jokes. Everything is copacetic. Yes, the copacetic, how's everybody doing today?

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Hello, good. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 0:53

I'm doing good, I'm doing good.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

I am good. I'm well in alive.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

I want to thank everybody for being here. Moving into day's Why Don't You Chill Icebreaker is if you got a car that I got arrested, what would you think it was for?

SPEAKER_02 1:16

I'm Shekinah. Um I'm the host of the Let's Talk Toys podcast. You can find us on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, all the things. Um, I would probably say fighting for either your wife or one of your little brothers, or your mom, obviously. That's legit. Yeah, that that would be what I would say.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yeah, that's legit. I could definitely see myself going to jail for defending one of my family members.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Yeah. My name is Janet. Um I actually was gonna say fighting too, and for the exact same reason for defending your family members or maybe even defending defending like your friends. Especially if they're a woman.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

I can see that. I can see yeah, I can see myself. I've definitely been in them situations like where like one of my homegirls is somewhere where I'm at, and some dude bothering them. And no means no, but they wouldn't take in the no how it should have been took, you know what I'm saying? I've definitely been in those situations before too. Which I don't think I would do now though. I don't know. It depends on who the home girl was.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

You can't always be involved in yourself in other people's drama.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 2:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Like if it's like one of y'all, because I know like y'all not moving like super hoish all the time, you know what I'm saying? So like, yeah, yeah, I can see somebody really bothering y'all. But if it's some of my other homegirls, I'm like, bruh, come on now. Like, did you invite this over here, or is my dog really tripping right now?

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Like, like y'all play around. Yeah, like you gotta know the person. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Like, come on now. So I am your host five. I want to thank everybody for being here. Um, still doing the shout-outs. I want to give a shout out to Sweden. I want to give a shout out to Nigeria, shout out to Australia, shout out to Lagos, Nigeria. Uh, I just want to shout out to Pakistan. I want to thank y'all for listening to the podcast. I want to say thank you for taking your time out to listen to me. Like, I'm important enough for y'all to take time out to listen to me. So I appreciate y'all. Where's the uh Ukraine? Shout out to Ukraine. I know y'all are going through a lot and you still listening to the podcast. So, like, hey, I love you. That's what I'm gonna say. I love you. And I pray to God that you're safe in whatever you got going on right now. 100%. Um, so for me, um, I'm your host, Five. For me, if Shekinah was going to jail for something, uh, let's see, Shekinah. If you were going to jail for something, I'm thinking it's gonna be something like white collar. Some uh you didn't did some some some fraudulent thing, maybe unknowingly did it too. Like something something something fraudulent. You didn't you didn't fix the number to you was just trying to make the numbers make sense. You wasn't trying to hide no money nowhere, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 4:37

That's very fair. Like what? I didn't wait what?

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Yeah. You wasn't trying to commit fraud, but somehow you were just making them numbers make sense. Oh. And I just checked the box. You know what I'm saying? You know, you know, trying to make it make sense, and all of a sudden you're in court.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

The most accurate thing you said all day.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

And then Janae, if you were to get arrested, it's gonna be for slapping one of the the parents. Uh, uh one of your one of your uh one of your students' parents. You know, they just they went too far one day, and you just you forgot where you was at. And you know what I'm saying? You forgot your position. You had to slap one of the parents up, like, yeah, you're not gonna do that. Not here. And then you just went off the rails and you was like, dang, I shouldn't have done that.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

They do be working my nerves. I've actually been arrested before though.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Er, what you get arrested for?

SPEAKER_02 5:42

Three days.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

For three days?

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Three days.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Okay, I need to hear.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

I will not recommend zero out of ten.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yeah. What what happened? Please enlighten us. If if you would like. If you would like.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

I really didn't do anything, honestly. Every criminal. I didn't do anything. Um, I was going to a breakup with an ex-boyfriend. And uh I actually called the police to Oh, I remember this story actually, yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

To get my stuff. Um and his mama was on the phone just yip-yapping and she pissed me off. Cause she she didn't even know what I was talking about because I needed out I needed my computer charger. So I just had a box in my hand and I went outside and I slammed this door, and when I slammed it, the glass broke, the officer was right there, and he talked about he had taken me to jail for disruption of property. Like that was so petty.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Dang, that's terrible.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

But he stabbed me in my face, but didn't go to jail at all. So there's that. So when I go to jail because I slammed the door, ain't my fault the door was weak like so?

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Period. I was like, uh, you officer, I didn't even know I was that strong. What you mean? Hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

But hey, don't go to jail, people. It's not fun. Especially if you live in Detroit and they you gotta go to the detention center on my own. They do not care.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Dang. So three days? Hot like what were you eating?

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Listen, I lost like uh I lost some weight while I was in there for a few days. First of all, I was surprised at myself because I thought I was gonna cry. I thought I was in a movie. I'm like, I'm rocky. I'm about to do these push-ups. Bologna sandwiches and peanut butter and jelly, and it just looked like mystery meat. And I wasn't trying to eat that, but this one girl in there, she was like, Let me have your sandwich. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

There you go.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

It was crazy though. It was this older lady in there, she was squeaking. I think she was in there for a felony because she assaulted our officer. Mind you, it was a whole bunch of us, we were young, and she was in there tweaking, she was crying, she was screaming. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

I learned my lesson. I'm good. Hilarious, hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

My name is Ashley, but I go by Kamaya. I write music, I have a um cosmetics line, and I'm a teacher.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Um I met Ernest in college at Western.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

And we've been like laughing ever since. And so he's uh pretty dope. He has some really great ideas, and you know, I'm down to be a part of the show. I've done it before probably a couple years ago. I think the first thing probably public intoxication.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

So something like that. So yes, I could see me going to jail for public intoxication when we were out hanging. I don't drink anymore for real, so it probably wouldn't happen now, but Oh, that's good. On those before when me and you was kicking it, yes. I I used to go hard in the paint like crazy. Yes. Super hard. I did on my 21st birthday, I did 21 shots.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

So I used to be able to turn up for real, and I don't know about 20 for shots, but I just had like two or three drinks the other day and I got a headache. I was like, Yeah, what is happening? Am I getting old? Is this the first time? I can't drink like I used to.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

I can't. I can't.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Boom.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

I did I did 21 shots the first my first birthday. And then I did 21 shots the next day. The day after.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

What at first? What drink that one?

SPEAKER_00 9:28

My I mean my 21st birthday, not my first. I did say I said first.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Okay. The kids nowadays they drink, they smoke it, Lord Jesus, they do everything.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

But yeah, that's what I would think. Public intact, or um, yeah, I don't know, maybe something with like uh infringement, you know, copyright infringement or something like that for your movies and your productions, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

I can see that. I can see that.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

So somebody uh trying to, you know, something business-wise.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

So Kamai, if you went to jail, Lord. I think it's gonna be something domestic violence, I ain't gonna lie. I think you just got into it with somebody and crazy. With a young gentleman, and then you had to you had to set him straight. You know what I'm saying? It just you had to set them straight.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

I'm not gonna put my hands on anybody. I am a I'm a peaceful.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

It might not be your hands, though, as we've as we've learned. It doesn't have to be your hands. It does not have to be your hands. So I'm pew-pewing. No, you my you you broke something. You broke something. You got it, you went somewhere, you broke something.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

You went somewhere, you broke something, you took something. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 10:48

That's musty. No, that's musty. I'm not about to mess up their property. I'm just gonna leave. Especially accidents happen.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Accidents happen.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Accidents.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

I mean, I guess that's if that's what you think. Yeah, it tells me a lot about what you think.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Accidents happen. Accidents happen. Alright, so moving into our first topic. Kamaya actually is the one who created this topic, so shout out to her. This topic is what kind of morals do you look for when dating?

SPEAKER_02 11:18

For me, when I thought about it, I was just like, for me, it's it's the fruits of the spirit, as the Bible says, you know, the mother fruit. So, um, I look for somebody, you know, who's patient, kind, who's a good person. I really, really value good people. I think that is very, very hard to come by. Um, faithful, gentle, they have self-control, you know, all of those things I think are really prominent things to look for, you know, in in a significant other. Nobody is going to be perfect, but I absolutely want somebody, you know, who's good, who's patient, who's kind to me, you know, especially when things aren't perfect, when um, you know, things aren't going your way, or when you have a frustration, like how are you communicating that with me? Are you being rude and disrespectful? Or are you being kind? Are you being patient with me understanding what point you're trying to make, you know, coming at it with different angles, different potential ways to try to, you know, again to help me understand your point. And obviously faithful. Like, I don't want anybody who's not going to be committed to me, the relationship, to our goals, to what we're doing. I am not giving second, third, fourth, and fifth chances. You know, I'm not I that's just not my capacity. But, you know, all those things I think are very key indicators of a good man.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

So if we had a girl on here, she talked about how she used to think cheating was the worst thing that could happen in a relationship until she got into her relationship now where her man doesn't support her and doesn't care to support her. And she says that's way worse than somebody going out every now and again and getting some some nookie from somebody. She said like she can handle it as long as the guy didn't like really like the girl or whatever. But the way that this guy just doesn't care about the things that she d has going on, and doesn't care to help, doesn't care to to give her any drive or passion towards it. Like she said that makes her feel way worse than knowing like and being in a relationship, somebody cheated. Because her previous relationship before the one that she was in, she got out of it because the guy would cheat every every now and again. She said it's not but he but he always like he loved her, but he cheated. But this guy, she feels like I don't know if he even cares about me because he doesn't support me at all. But he's faithful, doesn't cheat.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

She's entitled to her opinion, you know, but I think it also implies that you have to choose one or the other. And I'm not interested in choosing between you being faithful or supportive. I'm gonna need you to be faithful and I'm gonna need you to be supportive. Like, what are we saying? You know, that's just me again and my my my setup. Like, I I don't believe those are the choices I'm gonna have to make. Now, maybe not a great communicator, but faithful, supportive. Okay, I can understand that. Right. You know, not the most emotionally in tune. Okay, I can understand that. But those two aren't I will too.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

I hear that, I hear that. I think most people go on crazy.

SPEAKER_03 14:42

Uh yeah, you don't know.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

To not support your burger, like, what's the point? I think that would be miserable also to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't support you as well. I I would not be in that relationship anymore. Like, if you can't support what I'm trying to do or support me, why are you here? Like, of course it's more to relationships, but that's a big thing because when you think about getting married, you have to think about how that person is gonna show up in that marriage. If you're not even supporting me now how you gonna support me through a marriage? How you gonna support when we have kids? Am I gonna be a single mother while I'm married?

SPEAKER_03 15:21

I mean, that happens.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Yeah, it won't be happening to me.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

So Janae, what would you say you look for? What morals you look for when date?

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Um, when dating, I look for men that are honest, um, definitely have some type of self-discipline, um respect, compassionate. Um definitely supportive. You have to be supportive. Um, and also I don't know I look for men who have good relationships with their parents.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Like I love my family. So I want someone with the same family trust, I guess, or same family well, no one's family has the same family dynamics, but someone who is um hey, I'm drawn about it. They care about it.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

They care about it. It means something to them.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

Yes, and someone who who likes to try new things or who's motivated, you know. Piggy back off you playing self-discipline. I think a lot of people discount how important that is when looking at for a partner, especially women looking to men. I think man who has self-discipline is a very uh a green flag, if you will. You know, because it's not easy to be like, No, I'm not doing this, I'm going to work out, or no, I'm not eating that, I'm going to eat this, or I do get up every day at six AM and have this routine. Like that's not an easy thing to do. So I definitely think that's good.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Well, um, I'm not actively looking and um, you know, the scripture says he who findeth the wife findeth the good thing. So I don't really look. I feel like what is for me will, you know, come to me and um, you know, be a part of my life if it's meant to be. Um, however, when dating, um not actively dating, but when dating, um, I would definitely say I like people who are generous because that's the first thing I'll get. Are you stingy? Because like if you're stingy with your time, stingy with your uh finances, stingy with um just like if you're like, oh, I don't celebrate birthdays, or oh, I don't like kind of like what you said about the family dynamics or like how much you care about your family. Like, I spend a lot of time with my family, we have barbecues, we have get togethers, we have, you know, Super Bowl, something like all that, we do that. So if you're not gonna be willing to go, you know, mingle and come to those type of events, or you know, you have a bad relationship with your parents, so you kind of frown upon those things, or you get jealous of the family that you know, the time I spend with my family and my son, um, or things like that, then yeah, that's definitely a huge, huge turn off. Um, other than that, being generous, um, having faith and being like family-oriented, I'll just say someone who um doesn't have a lot of free time. Like they schedule their time with me, they schedule their time around their job or their business or you know, entrepreneurship. Um, they don't have a lot of time to waste or play around um because men with idle time have idle minds and they're gonna wander, they're gonna waste that time doing everything, you know, finding their way to be creative to do something that they probably shouldn't be doing. So I like men that don't have a lot of free time. Their time is scheduled, they have a tight schedule. So I'd love it.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Finding their way to be creative to do anything.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Okay. No, uh-uh, baby, all that time you need to be making some money, you need to be learning a new trade, you need to be going to school online, you better be finding uh something else, applying for some grants. You need to be doing something and have it be self-motivated. I mean, I can encourage you to do something, but I want you to be like telling me, like, yeah, look what I just did, or I'm about to start this program or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

1000%. My favorite thing is a BMW, a black man working, okay? Go do something, have some business somewhere outside of being laid up under me. Like, that's cute and that's cool. Yes, moment, but no. Go first of all, I don't even like being around you for all that much time. Like, I need to say no find happy go nowhere. Go find yourself. You should have a life outside of me. Because I'm going to have a life outside of you. Definitely. At the end of the day, I still want to be the person I am. I don't want to be wrapped up in a relationship and lose myself. And they should be.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Yes, when people get consumed with each other, it's because they don't have their own identity. And that's a that's a tough place to be in because when that relationship ends or something happens or whatever, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm lost without this person. No. You still do your stuff, still go to the gym, still, you know, call your grandma every you know, Sunday afternoon. Do your stuff and cause I'm gonna do my stuff. And we can do stuff together too, but do your own stuff.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Hilarious. For me, if I was out dating right now, I'd want somebody, first off, who likes me. Who likes me for me. Don't like the status of me or the the allure of Ernest or five, the allure of five. You know what I'm saying? I want somebody who actually likes me. Cause um at least what I see in social media streets and online or whatever, it's like women want to be taken care of, you know what I'm saying? But I never every now and again you hear some women like I like to take care of my man or something like that. But single women don't talk like that. Only women who talk like that is women with actual men already. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 21:17

And uh like when you say single women, are you talking about women that are just not married or women that are in relationships but not men?

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Women that are don't have a man, period. Not in no type of relationship. Like, cause you'll hear s some single men talk about, yeah, like when I meet the right one, I want to take care of her. Like that's expected of you as a man is to to take care of a woman and stuff. You know what I'm saying? Like to some degree. You know what I'm saying? But you don't hear the women talking about like I want to take care of a man. Like that's not a thing that you hear. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 21:57

No, you shouldn't fire for that. I think women do. I don't think they announce it for the most there we go. Yeah, I was gonna say, I think you have a point. Like I I kinda talked about this on one of my episodes. Like people definitely underestimate the duality and you gotta take care of your man too, girl. Like you don't get to just and that was something I had to realize for myself. Like I want a relationship at first because I want somebody to take care of me. I want somebody to dote on me, do the things for me, do the romance, do the nine shiny armor, all that stuff. But then I had to realize, like, okay, if I want somebody that good, I need to be just as good of a partner also. Like I have to be able to encourage him and live and important to him and you know, surprise him and do things that he enjoys and you know, is in that way too. Now, I'm not necessarily going to provide for him on a financial front, but on a lot of other aspects, yeah, I'm gonna provide some things for my man because I just think that's just what you do when you care for another person. Period. Like take the man versus women out of it. When you care for another person, you know, you show up for them and you try to like make their life better. Like I uh I have a husband right now. Um, but permanently upset with him, but that's besides the point. Um, like earlier this week I sent him some money for lunch because I just was like, you know, I need to send him some lunch money. 'Cause I just felt like he deserved it. He's been working hard. And even with throughout me being upset with him because something happened to Stan I still got him some food. Like I'm not about to be like, I'm mad at you. You're not about I'm about to give me something and not get you nothing. Cause, you know, that's that's not how it should work. Even though you ain't give me nothing.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

People don't get that though. People think like in relationships when you're mad at someone, you get to like cut them off. And you don't get to cut you don't get to cut them off. If you really if y'all really like moving forward into like real love, you know what I'm saying? Like when you're mad at someone, that's when you gotta love them the most. Because it's hard now. Now it's not easy, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Um I would just say I agree. I definitely think though, I may not pour into my man the same way that I expect him to pour into me or you know, um do things for me because sometimes you have different love languages, so they may not want gifts, or they may not want quality time as much as you know that's something that I um have as you know, um something that's important to me. So I think that it's important to just know your partner's love languages and then kind of go from there.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

It doesn't have to be I agree, it doesn't have to be gifts or quality time, but whatever it is, like you need to be doing that. You know what I'm saying? Like whatever support. Yeah, whatever they need from you that makes them feel love, that needs to be a main thing, even when you're upset. So if I was like looking for somebody I'm dating, like, I would want them to actually like me. You know what I'm saying? Not looking for me to take care of them, not looking for me to give them some type of social status or looking for a leg up in some way. I don't want I don't want a a child as uh a partner. I want a partner. You know me personally, you know what I'm saying? Like whatever I need or whatever I'm not good at, I want you to like pick up the slack in those areas. You know what I'm saying? Like Gigi Magis background, both the one in the right corner, the one that's behind me. The only thing I've actually done with this podcast as far as like I put in all the legwork. Like I actually bought the equipment and create the content. But everything you see, all the logos, all the the business cards, the the videos in the beginning, the intra uh. Intro videos, I can't think of that word for whatever reason. The intro videos and everything, like Gigi created all of it. Like she is the the backbone, like she creates all the visual aids that y'all see. You know what I'm saying? Other than me like just doing intro videos and stuff like that, but like my website, the merchandise that you can go and buy, like she created it all. You know what I'm saying? So I want somebody to be like wherever I'm weak at, like, you build me up in that area. And I know that's kind of hard to uh to have when you're first dating someone, you know what I'm saying? But like if you really mess with somebody like that, like that you sh in your mind you should be like, how do I make this person's life easier and how do I make it better? That should be your goal in my in my eyes.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

Well, I wanna add a caveat to that. Yes, uh yes and to that, if you will. Because when you said that, and I even said it myself, like, how can I make the other person's life better? It's a lot of pressure, right? Because and I think think about for a girl because in relationships you can walk in to think it really is your job to help make this person's life better. You your job is to support them and them doing what they need to do to make their life better. And I just think that's an important distinction because you can internalize them not getting better in something as in something you're not doing or you're failing at, or them cheating on you because I didn't help. Yeah, I wasn't sexy enough, I wasn't fun enough, I wasn't this enough, or them failing in some area because you weren't enough or weren't whatever. And I just want to bring to attention like you're there to support them, maybe identify that they have a problem, ask them questions, give them resources, highlight different tools because at the end of the day, everybody is responsible for themselves and making themselves better and improving on, you know, the things that they need to improve on. I think as a partner, you just you really gotta support them, help them see these things, whatever you know, they might be or whatever, and like support and aid them in doing it. I don't I'm not fully taking that responsibility, child, because I got my own shit to work out. I agree. Maybe it's different once you get married, too.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

I was gonna say, until you get married, I'm I'm with you 100%. Until you get married. That's fair. Until you get married, then yes, I'm with you, kind of. But once you get married, like it's your job to like to put now, it's your job to push them.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

You're responsible now for that spirit.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

You're right. Yeah, because we're only our family that they're like.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Y'all, y'all are one. The Bible says two become one. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Y'all are one at this point, so uh so yes, when you're dating, I'll push the kind of collection of each other. Yeah, you're supporting and you you helping them where you can to make them get better, but they gotta want to get better on their own. Uh I think a lot of times women don't realize how much power they have in relationships like when you decide to get married. Like, no man is making women get married. A man has to sit there and he has to ask you, do you want to get married? And you have to make a choice as women to be like, is he worthy enough for me to be married? And once you make that decision, like you need to be all in because you made the decision. He asked, and you t you made a choice.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

Yeah. And that's that's the beauty of dating, right? Even though I think when you're in a relationship, you're still dating that person, you're getting to know that person, you're getting to see if there's something that you can feel like you you can be in for the future forever. Is this someone that you feel like matches you? And if it's not, then you have to move on. But that's what dating is for, to see, you know, if you guys are uh match or compatible with each other. And some people just miss all the red flags and move to marriage, and that's maybe why some marriages don't work. Um people can change, yes, but more than often people are who they are.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

Another thing I would like if I was dating now is someone who is like who's a grown-up, who understands like I'm gonna mess up sometimes. You know, it doesn't have to be cheating, it doesn't have to be you know, I'm not gonna hit you or whatever. But there's gonna be somewhere where I am going to mess up. You know what I'm saying? And just because I mess up or we're going through a rough path doesn't mean like everything is over. Because I'm telling you now, like, once you get married, like sh stuff is gonna go bad.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

I think people that think like that in general have like toxic childhood trauma.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 30:42

People that just think like as soon as you if you're upset or disappointed or whatever, that means that I'm not gonna continue to do the same things I was doing for you before I was upset or sad. If they had a parent that connected like their success or their grades or their behavior to all right, you're not eating tonight, or I'm not buying you no shoes, like basic needs, then they're going to still operate from that level and perspective of thinking. And that is So then that translates into their relationships. And it translates into their per and their professional relationships. You know, and they're always like a pleasing person trying to make sure they're pleasing so that they can get what they need.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

What was you about to say tonight? I was gonna say, well, I I wanted to piggyback off of what you were saying and off of what Kamaya was saying. One, I was gonna say that's why another piece of those rules is accountability, right?

SPEAKER_03 31:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

Um, if you're gonna be in a relationship with someone because no one is perfect, you're gonna have to take accountability when you mess up, and you're gonna have to recognize when you mess up or whether you hurt that other person's feeling, right? Like we're not perfect, so it's okay to say, you know what, my bad, I messed up, I apologize, I should never be X, Y, and Z. How can we move forward? And then to Kamiya's point, that's when people have to be responsible for their own feeling. Right? Childhood trauma happens to us, but when we get older, we are responsible for recognizing that and seeking out help. We can't put our traumas or project our traumas onto somebody else of something that somebody else did to us when we were children. At some point in your adult kid, but it happens. It shouldn't. It definitely happens. That's why I think it's your responsibility to heal your own traumas. You weren't the one that caused your traumas, but it's your responsibility to heal them. And healing isn't linear, you know. Healing go up and down. It's not just straight. You know, sometimes you'll be okay, and sometimes you might need extra space.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Yeah, I just we j I just put out a show that says Now that you have awareness, not what, and it that's exactly what the topic is, is that if you what no matter what happens to you, and it could be the worst of the worst, uh when you become an adult, it is your responsibility if you want to get out of that cycle, if you want to get out of that pain, it's your responsibility to get yourself out of it. Once you're aware that this is why you feel like that, now you have to do something about it.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

Kamaya definitely uh put all my business out there, um, unknown, because while the childhood trauma does not have to be as severe as you not eating tonight, when for myself it was a transactional um type of reward for good behavior for good grades or whatever. So it does grow when when you grow up, it did translate for me. I was very much that person, I was a ghoster for one, because I didn't know how to communicate my feelings. But then two, when I did get into a real relationship, at every instance, it was it was over. It was over. I'm done. I'm not doing this. This is exactly why I never wanted to be in a relationship to begin with. I don't feel like having to explain myself all of that, and you know, Daniel had to check me like listen, this it's you that keeps wanting to like not do this. I'm here, I'm committed, I'm willing to be in a relationship and figure it out, but you gotta you gotta stay with me and like do it. And it and it is like y'all saying, like, I can't put it on him to be like, well, don't fuck up no more, so therefore I don't have to be mad. Yeah. But no, I have to figure out how to communicate what I need, when I need it, how I need it, in an effective way to like get over it. Because I do love you, I do want this relationship, and you know, that's just what adults do.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

So people are gonna mess up. Like, you get mad at your own, you get mad at your parents, you get mad at your siblings, you get mad at your best friend. You just people are just gonna mess up. That's just a part of life. Like nobody, you get mad at the person at work, whoever in your life, any if you have a human relationship with anything, they're gonna mess up somehow, somehow, in some point in time. And you have to realize, like, people aren't perfect. Even like when you meet your quote unquote soulmate or whatever, like, that person is gonna disappoint you. They're gonna mess up. They're just they're just a human being and that's just a part of life.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

Only people you care about can disappoint you. Because I don't have any expectations for somebody that I don't care about. You are watching a master at work. And I actually I really don't care about nothing that people gotta say at work. I don't be giving up. And I walk off that building, y'all. You know what I'm saying? I feel that I ain't taking that home. I am not taking that home.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

Facts. That's a good point.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Because if you internalize stuff, you'll be stressed out.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah, like, I don't know, I think it's really important, like, yes, morals are important, but like you gotta realize that even people's morals are like not perfect. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 35:54

Like, wow, that's deep.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

People more your morals are not perfect.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Yeah, and everybody's morals aren't gonna be your same morals. I'm I'm working through that right now with just any like professional conversations or you know, with students, like, oh, okay, you think it's okay to cuss and class because they're home. Okay, but this is not home and this is my classroom, and we're not gonna do that here. But it's like if that's their norm for home and that's okay and that's acceptable, then I see you no one's ever told you that that's unprofessional and unacceptable to be talking and cussing in front of adults or in a in a school setting. Right. So I'm gonna teach you. So like I would think that's a regular basic moral right. Was we running and cussing around the schools? Was we fighting the teachers and all this crazy stuff they be doing nowadays? No, we were not.

SPEAKER_02 36:41

I don't have kids, so but as a generation, we're the ones raising the kids. And it's uh very interesting seeing this generation of kids in school and how they act and the lack of morals, I'm assuming.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

I think the our our generation are doing a a worser, that's not a word, but a worser job than the generation before us.

SPEAKER_03 37:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Th than raising kids. Like we're doing worse than the the previous generation.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

They're not we're we're not raising the kids, they just letting them run them up.

SPEAKER_00 37:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:16

And I'm saying there's a level of familiarity that these kids have with their parents that I don't think we had.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

So it makes sense. You know, we we didn't know our parents what they did after eight or nine o'clock because we were in bed, right? Like we wasn't down to the grown folks' table sitting in on the conversations and you know, all of that. I think there's just such so much familiarity. Like you said, that's why they feel like they can cuss and they can do all of these things. That was cussing was for when you was around your friends and you had to hide, you know, in the shed and you you felt like your mama was finna pop in to the shed where you was hiding. Like you were still scared cussing at school and your mama's supposed to be that work, like, you know, so it's just it's like it's totally different now. It's it's definitely different. I just be at work like, just we just be cussing and don't care. Like they it's just it's just so normalized now. I'm just like, they don't even, you know, we just get scared, we're gonna get in trouble. They're not scared at all. They're like, I don't care. They'll cut you off.

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Cussing is how I learned how to cold switch. I be at school cussing. I go home, ain't no cuss words coming out at home.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

The kids don't know how to cold switch no more.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

They don't know what that is. No, the cussing and the N-word every day, every minute has become a part of their vernacular, like their regular everyday speech. Everyday speech. It's very it's very crazy.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Any other morals y'all would think of relationships? I guess we moved it past just uh love relationships, just relationships here. Any other morals you think?

SPEAKER_02 38:51

I don't like a liar. I mean, I I don't and and down to the smallest of things. Like, did you drink the last of the soda? Like, why would you lie about something like that? You know, because those those are the worst ones. Like people, you know, people think it's cool to lie about little stuff like that and be sneaky and just not tell half truth and stuff like that when it comes to friends and relationships and especially kind of like Ernest, what she was saying before, like you ready to defend somebody and they didn't tell you the whole truth that you know the reason they in this beef in the first place is because you did something to their mama or whatever, like, and now you fucked up over it. Like, I don't want a liar, I don't want somebody who doesn't feel like they can be honest and transparent in conversation from the smallest thing to the biggest, deepest intimate, like you know, I I just I like honesty and transparency. Or if people are envious of you. Mm-hmm. That's never a good thing to have like like friendships, relations like romantic relationships, just envious people, because that can be a dangerous thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

I was at church and my pastor was talking about how um in most relationships and especially in marriages, men only tell the truth about 70% of the time. And he said it's because it's not that they're like, like you said, it's my little white lies or it's little stuff. It's what you know, I d didn't did you forget to put the toesy down or did you forget to get the oil change, right? Little little stuff. But they would they would rather not have to deal with our anger or our attitude or not get no coochie for two weeks or whatever, then so pathetic, tell this little lie and go ahead tonight and get get my, you know, get credit. So they let that to just avoid the confrontation because if I piss you off when I know it's something I can I can get it rectified real quick, maybe a couple days. Why would I tell you that I spent the light bill money on like X, Y, and Z when I know I'm about to get paid before I even gotta pay this next day? I'm like, well, I'm not about to bother bothering you with that. You know, and so I appreciate that too, honestly. If it's something I don't have to have stress about, unnecessary stress about, baby, keep it to you. Yeah, I'm going ahead and handle that.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

I actually I think I agree with that. And I I think it's because women like uh women are like quick to like chastise us when we mess up, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 41:29

You did what?

SPEAKER_00 41:30

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Oh no. And even if it's not in that tone, it's like yeah, that's the the vibe.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

So as a man, you do learn to like sometimes it's and it's better for you to keep things to yourself. It is. That's not a that's not a lie that he took. That's a a like that's like a a uh omission is a lie.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

Oh yes, omission of the.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

I'm talking about her pat her what her pastor told her wasn't a lie.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

Oh, not not offering information is I get the motivation because yes, y'all are right. There are absolutely women who will people in general who don't respond well to the truth. And I absolutely think if we we me myself, I if I expect uh honesty and transparency, I do have to make space for that honesty, right? And be comfortable hearing the truth, or I will be lied to, right? Like that's just that's just what it is. A friend had to tell me that before, like she was like, You're a pusher. You always got an opinion. I I'm a I'm I do always got something to say. Always I'm I'm a podcast host, I'm a speaker. Like, it just comes out, right? But I have to learn, like, you don't always have to say something. And and if if you continue to say something, people are not gonna come to you or feel comfortable, you know, confiding in you and telling you the truth. You have to earn the right sometimes to respond a certain way. So if you expect on secret space, you gotta create a space where people feel comfortable sharing that. So that is a very good point. Like, haven't got a well, did you know the truth? Like, you can't be going up on him when he tells you he must be.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

There we go.

SPEAKER_01 43:09

You said you want to know the truth. All right. Well, yesterday I did do this, this, and that. Like, then you slapping them. Like, no, you just said you were ready for the truth. You just said.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

How do I look in this? How do I what do you think about this? How does my hair look? How do my ass? How do my eyelashes look? How do how do uh whatever? How this is as a man, you know there's certain ways you can't answer that. And it's sometimes it's hard too, because it's like, if it really looks bad, do I say something or do I not say something?

SPEAKER_02 43:43

Don't let me go out the house with compassion. Honestly, without compassion is brutality. So just be honest or be compassion. You ain't got to tear me down. You got to be like, oh God, that shit is fucking ugly.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

Hold on, everybody's talking at once. Hold on, hold on. Everybody's talking at once. But look, even when you do say something compassionately, that still doesn't change the feeling that women get when you tell them the truth. They really do feel bad that whatever's going on looks bad or it's bad that this happened or the food sucks or whatever. Even if you don't say this, he's like, babe, next time, um, let's try to do it like this, because I don't think we should eat this, right? I don't think we should eat this today. Let's order something. If you say it kindly like that.

SPEAKER_01 44:40

I don't think we should eat this today. It's gonna like it's unsafe. Like it's gonna kill you. That's even if you say it's about the delivery e. That's gonna get you in some trouble. That's just that and when she do it, when she's cooking it next time, just you know, come on over with the season. You know what I'm saying? That's what I do that. Don't just don't tell her it's bad, because you might get poisoned.

SPEAKER_00 45:04

But even if like you say it as nice as you can be, that doesn't stop a woman from feeling like the hurt in your voice.

SPEAKER_02 45:11

But that's not necessarily always in her best interest for you to stop the feeling of the like you you gotta be honest. Sometimes the truth hurts, right? Like, if I spend all day getting dressed, doing my outfit, doing my hair, my makeup, and my outfit looks terrible. I look like a packed can of biscuits or whatever, and you let me go out and I'm gonna ask you, do I? And now I'm taking pictures and we done spend hundreds of dollars on these pictures, and I give these pictures back and I look terrible. You should have this. You should have come. I'm gonna be pissed. Like, you know, some you might you might hurt my feelings by saying, hey, I think maybe let's try if you have other options that you could wear or something like that. You know, this is not my favorite on you. Or I like that red dress you had on last week. That looked way better than this. I think it would really like something, right? And if I take the advice, I take the advice. If I feel weird, that now at least it's on me, and I can't come to you like, damn, you told me I was looking good. I would rather be hurt with the truth in the beginning than you saving me with a lie, and now really pissed at the end.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

And with the food thing, I feel like that's kind of like sex. Like you want to make it better every every time. Like, you know, if you just put in the same making the same old chicken alfredo, girl, okay, that's is is tired. Okay, do something different. Like, you know what I'm saying? So the same thing with other things, right? You can apply it to a bunch of other things in relationships. I would want you to tell me so that I can make it better.

SPEAKER_00 46:40

Time out. Time out. Well, you can compare it to sex. It depends on how good your chicken alfredo is. If your chicken alfredo is top-notch, we don't need to do we don't need to do nothing different if your chicken alfredo is the same way every time. Yeah, if your chicken alfredo is impeccable, your chicken alfredo is impeccable. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

But you don't want it every night.

SPEAKER_00 47:02

No, you don't want it every night.

SPEAKER_01 47:03

You want a different meal.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

Yeah, for sure. For sure. You want some variety for sure. But don't change up this chicken alfredo. Because when I when I'm in the mood.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

When I'm in the mood for this chicken alfredo, I need it to be how it usually is.

SPEAKER_01 47:20

Hit every time. Okay, gotcha. But you're saying it needed to improve. That's what I'm saying. You said it needed to improve, so you're trying to figure out the proper delivery on how to tell them that it's not hidden. And this is how I like my stuff, babe.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_01 47:36

It was like a medium, you don't want your medium. If you might eat a medium rare steak, I like mine well done.

SPEAKER_00 47:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:41

We're not gonna both enjoy that steak.

SPEAKER_00 47:43

So I'm just saying that sometimes it's hard to like look when women tell us things, like, if we show any emotion about it.

SPEAKER_02 47:54

You're a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 47:55

Basically, you know, saying you soft. You know, you you gotta you gotta take it on the chin. You you really do. Like today I wrote a I wrote something that I I heard and I I really felt like this. I felt like the um one of the mantras of being a man is is enduring hardships like a good soldier. So no one cares about your feelings. No one cares if you don't make it, no one cares how you feel about whatever you're going through. If whatever you're whatever you're going through is your fault, and even if it's not your fault, it's on you to pull it up to get yourself out of that space. That's how it is being a man.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

I've heard a lot of men say that. It's unfortunate. It is ultimate in that regard.

SPEAKER_00 48:44

And it's not like one thing I'm happy in my relationship is about is that even though like I go through a lot of stuff in my relationship, I have a space where if I feel vulnerable, I can be vulnerable and it it doesn't make me any less of a man or whatever. I can be I can feel vulnerable, I can feel defeated and still like still be the head of my household. You know what I'm saying? That's why my first thing was like it's important for somebody to like you for you. You know what I'm saying? Because every man doesn't have that. You'll hear plenty of men that say they don't tell their girl they feelings, they don't share their deepest, darkest fears and secrets with their girl because they scared that it'll be used against them later, huh?

SPEAKER_01 49:27

And that's why the mental health rate is so high for black men. We have to allow that space.

SPEAKER_00 49:34

We don't have that. Even like when you're a kid, you get hurt. Hey, get up, shake it off, you're fine. You know what I'm saying? And I I'm subject to that too, even like with my nephews and stuff like because you have to have a certain level of toughness too, though. You can't be there's a there's a fine line between you know being tough and being strong and being able to be vulnerable. You know what I'm saying? And that's a it's uh it's a balance in that because you can't be soft in a lot of cases, especially black men. You know what I'm saying? You can't be soft in a lot of spaces. Like you have to be tough in certain situations, you have to, or you won't survive. You know what I'm saying? But then again, like if you're always tough, you always in survival mode, like that can mess you up too. It's it's tough, it's tough. This week's episode is sponsored by the design lab at Shutter Shock Co. From logos and business cards to invitations and custom tees, the design lab is your one-stop shop for graphics. The design lab is the sole creator for copacetic merchandise available now. Use your promo code Copacetic for 10% off your Copacetic merchandise. Shop now using the link in our bio. Please keep sending your emails to www.thecobacetic hour.com or send us straight to our Gmail at the CobaceticR at gmail.com. So we're continuing with our theme where we're only reading replies. So I am going to play the original email, then I will read the reply that they wrote after the advice that we gave them from the original email. Dear TCH, my girlfriend tried to test my loyalty. I already hate petty things like this, but it's worse than I imagined. She had her sister try to come onto me and try to kiss me while she was in the shower. When her sister grabbed me and tried to kiss me, I pushed her away and cussed her out. I did not hit her, but my girlfriend came out of the shower yelling at me for putting my hands on her sister and for speaking to her disrespectfully. I was shocked that somehow I'm at fault here. Her sister made this big Facebook status about how I like to put my hands on women. My whole city is sharing the post, threatening to contact my job and everything. Obviously, I'm breaking up with my girlfriend, but how can I get my side of the story out there so that my reputation isn't ruined because of this dumbass test? Please help me. Alright, so that was the original email. That was episode 114. So go listen to episode 114 if you want to listen to the advice that we originally gave the guy. So his reply is Hey, Cobacetic R. I wanted to write back because I actually tried to do what y'all said after my first email, and somehow things got worse. In my original email, I told y'all how my girlfriend tried to test me by using her sister. When I didn't fall for it, she turned around and told people I put my hands on her sister. Which never happened. After I listened to y'all's email, I tried to defend myself publicly online. I thought staying quiet would make me look guilty, but speaking up didn't help either. The internet already decided who they believed. I didn't lose my job, thankfully, but it's like the second a woman accuses a man of something, proof doesn't matter. Her word is enough. Like women don't lie. And I hate that. Why do I have to prove something when nothing happened at all? This got so big it ended up going to court. My lawyer subpoenaed everyone's phone calls and now suddenly people are changing their stories. Quiet where their confidence used to be. Now I don't know what to do. Do I just let this go and try to move on? Or do I push for some kind of public apology since the lie spread so far? I don't even know what the law is going to do to them, if anything. I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm still dealing with the fallout of something that never happened. Appreciate y'all for giving me the space for the first time to tell my side of the story. I just don't know what moving on is and what it's supposed to look like. Still trying to pick up the pieces. What should I do?

SPEAKER_01 54:42

Does he have sisters? First of all, she needs her asshole. That's the first thing. Off off record, you said I would go for domestic violence. I am kind of violent. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. Like, bitch, what? What does my brother bitch say less? Yeah. Even at this ground age, yeah, I'm gonna have to see. But aside from that, aside from that, from a professional standpoint, he definitely should still um prosecute. Um for slander, defamation of character, all the stuff that went out, like she's gonna have to pay financially, but I'm gonna have to you're gonna have to see, yeah, somebody too. That too.

SPEAKER_00 55:19

I don't even know if there's anything that he can do. Like, I've been in this situation before and he for something far worse and nothing happened. Like it just it it just went there like, oh, he didn't do that? Okay, good, thank God. And then that was it, like nothing happened.

SPEAKER_02 55:38

Yeah. And he's not gonna get that public apology because I wouldn't like that, but he's not gonna get it, unfortunately. So maybe you just have to luckily pass his job. I mean he's gonna court and see if he can do anything, but uh I don't know if they'll do anything for real, but he's just gonna have to move on. Just find some type of peace. Yeah. I was gonna address the part where he was saying, like, why is it that when women say something, people automatically believe it?

SPEAKER_05 56:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

And I just think that's why it's important as individuals for us to have, you know, community. We were speaking on the break about how I don't have any friends here, but you know, I had I do have people who can speak up on my behalf. So as a man, you know, it's important as a man, as a woman, to have community, to have people, you know, who can vouch for you because he said it wasn't the course. So, like, if you got character witnesses and people, you know, and all that kind of stuff who can in this crazy ass situation come to your aid, that is definitely helpful because like y'all saying, like, it's her word against kids at this point. But if everybody coming out and saying, you know, she went crazy since the second grade and I know him and or whatever, you know, but somebody who would come speak on your behalf and defend you, that's definitely helpful, and she's probably not ever going to apologize. So it's definitely I would just let it ride, you know, put it to bed. Maybe if you feel like you gotta say something to get it off your chest, that's probably the best thing you could do, but she's not going to pop give you what you're looking for, you know. Especially not publicly.

SPEAKER_01 57:20

I feel like clearing up your name is kind of a waste of time too. Like you said, everybody's already made their opinions, and the more you explain, the more guilty you look, actually. So it's just I wouldn't speak on it at all. But I would definitely follow through with the legal action. I'd be try trying to get paid from it. And I was still like I said, after the legalities. Why is it that way? Like, I feel like I feel like people are getting tried, you know, when they make false allegations about assault or something like that, and it doesn't come to be true. I think people are starting to get charged. Women are starting to get charged for that. Um, was it like that? No, and it should, I think it should have been happening for a long time. Um, coming because we do teach, you know, our young men not to put their hands on women, but women are hitting the men, and so it's like, no, women should not be provoking the men either. Um they preach like girls don't hit boys. I do teach them that it's best to not do that because and when it comes to the police pulling up to the house wherever you're at, they more than likely will slide with women on the scene. They may have to get more information later, but you're the more aggressive perceiving person as a black man. So to save your own self every time, just don't put your hands on women because you know, push her to run away or something, choke her up real quick and then, you know, dip off. But do something, don't punch.

SPEAKER_00 58:51

Well, he just said he only pushed her. She said that he hit her. So, like See?

SPEAKER_02 58:57

What were there bruises though?

SPEAKER_00 58:59

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 59:00

Was there evidence of a fight? They keep their hands to themselves. I think that's that's quite a bit.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Yeah, everybody keep the answer themselves.

SPEAKER_02 59:07

Investigate any of the it is, but if a woman's beating up a man, he has to escape hands, lips, don't try and kiss somebody without without cons consent, and then we wouldn't have gotten to a position where he had to push you away and have this conversation. So everybody Yeah, that was sexual harassment. He can find it. You gotta do a loyalty test. Why are you with this new in that part too?

SPEAKER_00 59:31

Let's go back to the that's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_02 59:33

Like that goes back to morals.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

Yeah, the original the the original statement is you as mod as a man, you need to take responsibility for the woman you were dealing with.

SPEAKER_02 59:43

No test toxic for playing like that.

SPEAKER_00 59:45

You know what I'm saying? She probably hella sexy.

SPEAKER_02 59:49

That's the only thing to be accountable with yourself. You gotta be accountable.

SPEAKER_00 59:55

You gotta be accountable for yourself. I know she probably hella sexy. She's immature, but somebody you you want to deal with wouldn't put you in that situation for one.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:05

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:05

You know what I'm saying? And then, hey, brother, uh, double standards is a part of life. Like, I saw a post the other day, this doctor he got in trouble and went to jail for sleeping with a girl, she was drunk. And he he didn't say he didn't say whether he did something to her or not. But what I'm saying, what I said on this post was like, hey, we live in a different time now. If you drink drinking with women is cool. That's fine. You just can't have sex with them in in the same night. You just can't. Like we live double standards exist. Some are for women, some are for men. If y'all gonna have sex, hopefully you can't.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:44

She can't even give consent as after drinking, technically.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:47

But it shouldn't be like that, because if a w if a man's drinking and a woman's not, no one's ever gonna say that, you know, sh he wasn't able to give consent, right? But I understand, like I said, double standards exist, right? So like as a man, you can't be drinking with women. I need you to laugh on camera, come on. You can't be drinking with women and um and have sex with them. You just can't. It's just it's too risky of a thing to do. Because they wake up and you were bad and now they got regrets, you know what I'm saying? If you have sex with somebody, it needs to be sober. Both parties need to be sober, and then hopefully at that time, you know, everything is still on up and up. You know, because even then, like a woman say anything, and you still in trouble for it. You know what I'm saying? Me myself, I've told this story multiple times, but I I feel like it's so important. Like I got in trouble in high school one time with a girl who I never even had sex with, who was a very promiscuous girl at the time. And she said I did something that I didn't do because she got so drunk and we took her home. She was like missing a shoe, she like fell in the sh in our shower and turned the water on herself. You know what I'm saying? Like, she got so drunk to where, like when she went home, her parents was like, What the what happened? You know what I'm saying? So they were concerned, like, why are you like this? And because she didn't want to get in trouble, she lied to her parents. And where were you at? Oh, I was at Ernest's house. So Ernest did this. So that all got blamed on me not knowing I made sure you got home safe. You know what I'm saying? And it came out like all the thank God that I am who I am. Like you Shekano's talk about like your uh your character, people can vouch for your character and stuff. All the other girls who were there, you know what I'm saying, like the whole class was there. It's like that's not what happened. You know what I'm saying? You need to tell the truth, so everybody like stopped messing with this girl until she told her parents the truth, you know what I'm saying? And it came out, you know, she told them the truth. Like, no, I just got too drunk, and he actually was the one who took me home and got me home safe. Nothing, he would never do nothing like that to me. And thank God that happened. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm you know, Lord be looking out for your boy, you know what I'm saying? But uh you never know what can happen, like dealing with just because of the double standards, like men and women. Like I'm probably one of the most nicest people that I know. You know what I'm saying? Most people that just been like, hey, get out of my house. I don't care how she gets home, but sh it ain't gonna be she ain't gonna be over here, you know what I'm saying? And I took the time out to like help take care of her, but like you got it's just double standards, man. You can't hit women, because even if you don't hit 'em, if they say you do, you're in trouble. And you gotta prove that you didn't somehow. If they said you did something to them sexually and you didn't, you gotta prove that you didn't somehow. I don't I don't know why it's like that, but that is the way that it is. And I'm you know what I'm saying? And women got things that work against them too. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:03

But like you say we suffer then we probably already automatically did this.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:09

You know what I'm saying? All type of stuff that happened with women. You know what I'm saying? Being hoes or uh you make bad decisions with dating, it's your fault that he left, or whatever the case may be. You know what I'm saying? We both have our things, right? Um but at the end of the day, like that's somebody you decided to be with, and they just so happen to put you in that situation, so you gotta be accountable, even if you didn't know that she was like that, you still gotta be accountable that you made that choice to be with that person. Unfortunately. It's it's messed up, but like that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes, my boy. And I don't think there's nothing you can do to like change your image if it's already been like tainted in somehow other than like somebody asks you, you tell them what happens, and you tell them like this is why when we did go to court, nothing happened because it was a lie. And then leave it at that. Like you can't care about what other people think. Because you'll you'll never win that battle.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:12

You know, people gonna always have their opinions about you, whether you know you get it or not. People gonna think what they gonna think, and you just gotta be secure with yourself, move on, stand proud, and uh you know, life goes on.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:30

Keep it pushing, my boy.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:32

Keep your head up, really. That's all you can do, and try not to dwell on it too much, don't give it too much energy, then it's already taken up too much time, and it's already taken up out of your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:42

Yeah. And see, that's what I was talking about. How men have to endure hardships like a good soldier. Like, we just told him, like, it's your fault somebody just did that to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:52

Fuck it up. I mean, but if the shoe was on the other foot, it would have been the same exact advice, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:59

It's

SPEAKER_02 1:06:00

Not really in this kind of situation.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:01

I don't know I well I don't know if it's a it's I was gonna say it's not I'll just say that's not a I don't know what the example is, but it ain't that one. Yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:12

Uh but yeah, like it's hard, like being a man is like it's tough. Now I'm not saying being a woman isn't tough. Being a woman is definitely tough. You know what I'm saying? But I feel like women get have sympathy. Like y'all have people have empathy for women. The world. The world has been. I do. I do feel that way.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:35

Who has empathy for the people? Especially not black women. Who?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:39

Where is the empathy? Please show me. You can get shot in the foot and still get criticized.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:44

You're right, you're right, y'all right, y'all right. Certain men have empathy for women. They do. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:51

Oh, thank you. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:52

Certain men have empathy for women. Because, like, there are men that will come to y'all defense. There are men that will like sacrifice for y'all and and do like what they can. Eve strangers even. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:07

Like I believe that. That will just like we've done that is for the black male community for 100%. And so we are no, there's no finger pointing. I think I do it sometimes in playful, you know, in a playful way, to like, you know, take shots or whatever at the opposite sex. But it's all that's off like Rage Bay. I think that we have to really, if we don't come together, right, to make our communities better, make our lives better, uh, create generational wealth, um, and keep our black dollars within our communities and spend it with other um African-American owned or you know, businesses, then we'll continue to see the demise. But it's it takes everyone who can't continue to say, oh, it's women's fault. Oh, it's men's fault. Oh no. It's a collective issue.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:58

It's a collective issue.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:59

It's a collective issue, I agree. I don't think it's anyone's fault. No one has it harder than I wasn't trying to say men have it harder than women or women having harder than men. I was trying to say that we both.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:10

They're attacking you as women on this podcast?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:12

No, not at all. Because I mute all y'all if I felt like that. No, but what I was trying to say was we just have it harder in different areas than each other, right? And we should be we should be uh empathetic when men are going through those or women are going through those specific areas. Whatever the case may be. Like people try to people try to make us the same when we're not the same. You know what I'm saying? Like we both have it. We both have it hard and we both have our roles to play on different levels. This week's episode is sponsored by the design lab at Shutter Shock and Co. From logos and business cards to invitations and custom tees, the design lab is your one-stop shop for graphics. The design lab is the sole creator for copacetic merchandise available now. Use your promo code Copacetic for 10% off your Copacetic merchandise. Shop now using the link in our bio. It was good, but let's make it blacker. During this segment, we are going to take typical uh what you would call Caucasian movies and recast them with all black actors. This week we're doing Meet the Fockers. So Meet the Fox has Ben Stiller, Terry Polo, Robert De Nero, Blaith Danner, Dustin Hoffman, and Barbara Streisand. Alright, so who do we have as the main character, Mr. Gaylord Greg Fokker, who is the main character played by Ben Steeler. Who y'all want to go with? Who's gonna be our lead?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:30

I was thinking Marlon Wayans. Oh, Marlon?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:34

I like Marlon. I think Marlon could play that too, like being shy to the dad, trying to like, no, no, don't, don't, don't disrespect my father-in-law like that. Yeah, I I like Marlon Wayans, actually. That's fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:47

He's got a comedic player.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:49

Yeah, he got he definitely has comedic timing, for sure, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:53

So, okay, so the movie. Because I I I did try to watch some clips.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:58

Okay. He's a nurse, and at this time in in the world, there are not for real any men nurses. So they're like, that's one of the running jokes that he's a male nurse. Like, that's a woman's job. And he is like scared of his father-in-law, basically. He lies to him, he tries to embellish the truth because he's trying to impress his father-in-law.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:23

Okay. I can see Marlon Wayne's playing that role.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:27

Okay. Okay, so you're going with Marlon and meet the Fox as the main character. I'm with it. I like Marlon Wayne's.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:34

Alright, so Terry Polo, who is Pamela Martha Fokker, in the movie. That's what I'm saying. His wife. His wife. So who was gonna be Marlon's wife? She wasn't funny, she wasn't comic released. Yeah. She was just like there. She was straight. She played a straight character. And she was like daddy's little girl, too, basically. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:55

Tia Maori?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:57

Because I feel like she could be good. I can I can I can see that. I can see Tia Maury.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:04

Or Essence Atkins.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:07

Ooh, I like Essence. I like Essence too, yeah. I like Essence Atkins. I like Essence Atkins. And they do a lot of shows together too, her and Marla. She was his wife on another show.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:18

Okay, so we know they got chemistry.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:19

They got chemistry. All right, let's go with Essence Atkins. Alright, for the dad, who is Robert De Niro, you know, legendary actor. He's a CIA agent who is an asshole, but who also has a soft side because he was walking around wearing boobs feeding his grandson.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:38

I was gonna say Courtney D dance, but then he said the boobs, and I was like, ooh, we didn't do that. Oh no, you're a little too classy for that. Okay, so we gotta be somebody who's still a little silly, huh? Um I was thinking Eddie Murphy.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:53

Yeah, I can see Eddie Murphy's.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:54

I can see Eddie Murphy being an asshole, but still having like that softer side to him. You know what I'm saying? That's not a person. I was thinking Eddie Murphy.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:02

He definitely plays dad very good.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:04

Yeah, he plays the dad really good. And we're gonna go Eddie Murphy. Big Eddie. Okay, now Miss Blith Danner, who is Dina Burns, who is the wife of Robert De Nair on the show, of uh Jack Burns, who's gonna be Eddie Murphy's.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:21

She used to be a little silly.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:23

She was like silly, but like soft ditzy too, though.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:29

Yeah, like flighty a little bit. Yeah, a little flighty.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:32

Um flighty means like she was like uh clueless. Yeah, she was clueless. Yeah, I was clueless. And she gotta be older too, like, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:44

Yeah. What about um what's her name? Um sister sister. Um Jackie Hair? Yeah. Jack A.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:54

I don't know, but she's I think she's too uh dominant. She could be the other mama. Yeah, she could be the the the freaky mama for sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:05

Mrs. Focker. Yeah, Miss Fokker. She could definitely be Miss Fokker. Okay, okay. So, okay. What about Kimberly Elise? She was in uh Diary of a Mad Black Woman, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:21

But yeah, that's how she's young.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:24

I mean, she she's 55. I mean she she's almost 60. She was born in 1967.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:29

Yeah, but she got that good black.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:32

She does got that good black. She does.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:34

You know, Tisha Campbell?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:36

Tisha Campbell.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:37

Nah, Tisha Campbell played a little a little flighty good. She does good with that.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:41

Yeah, she could do flighty. I don't know if she looks good next to Eddie Murphy, though.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:46

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Could Queen Motifa do it? Does she give old? She don't give old.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:52

She don't give old. What about Oprah? Oprah. Oprah? I take her too serious. Oh, what about Octavia Spencer? No? No Octavia Spencer.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:02

I was saying Kim Whitley.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:04

Kim Whitley.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:05

Who's Kim Whitley again? She's the one who looks like Jack A, but she's not Jack A. She's Kim Whitley.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:11

Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Oh uh uh next Friday. Kim Whitley. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I like Kim Whitley.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:19

Yeah. Okay, she's got a little mystery to her and a little, she could play a little She could a little dinghy.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:24

She could play that.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:25

Little dinghy.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:27

Okay, Kim Whitley. Okay, we're going with Kim Whitley. Okay. Got it. Kim Whitley's gonna be Eddie Murphy's wife. I know she's gonna like that. She could have played, she could have played both though, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:39

Yeah. She could have. But I think Jack Kay has a little it's that voice and that loud, bubbly, like extraness to her makes her good to be because the lady was a sex teacher on the on the movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:51

She's a sex therapist, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:53

A sex therapist, yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:55

Okay, who's gonna play Bernie Fokker, his dad? That is Gaylord Fokker's dad. He's like real soft guy, emotional, proud of his son's accomplishments, which aren't really accomplishments in most people's eyes. I was thinking, um, what's my dog from Drumline? Orlando Nick Cannon? No, not Nick Cannon. Orlando uh Orlando.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:22

Oh, oh, oh, what's his name?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:24

He was the doctor in Orlando Jones is his name. I I can see him playing like a feminine man who was like, you know, soft with his son, but like extra freaky with his wife.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:37

I'm thinking Shamar Moore.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:39

I can't see Shamar Moore being like sensitive and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:43

No. That's fair. Okay, that's fair. We gotta give somebody a little rough. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:52

Bernie was not like sexy guy. You know what I'm saying? He was a stay-at-home dad. Shamar Moore is not giving stay-at-home dad.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:59

So who did you say Orlando the what?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:01

Orlando Jones. He was the band director in uh Drum Love.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:05

Yeah. Mr. Lee, Dr. Lee.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:07

Dr. Lee, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:09

Okay. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:11

Any, any, any, I can't, it's hard to do a uh black men don't play those type of characters for real. Especially not all black men.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:20

What about Centric and Entertainer?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:24

I can see it, but it's a stretch.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:28

I just think about him in um, what's that movie? Johnson's Fair Vacation. He was the daddy. He was really mad.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:35

He was the daddy, but he wasn't like, he was still like firm.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:40

Yeah, he wasn't soft.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:41

He wasn't soft, though. He was still the head. He didn't like this. You gotta think this man is gonna play back seat to Jack A. You know what I'm saying? That's a good point.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:48

That's a good point. Honey, did you take off the chili chonga?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:52

Right, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:17:53

Or Tay Diggs. Oh, Chris Rock.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:56

Tay Diggs.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:56

But Tay Diggs definitely give that little effeminate. He would wear them boho pants and have a little earring in his ear and do while that shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:05

I can see Tay Diggs.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:06

That would be funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:07

Oh Chris Rock. Chris Rock.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:09

I can see Chris Rock being a stay-at-home dad. He was like in uh, what's that show with Anna Sandler? He was like the stay-at-home dad kind of. Grown-ups. That's the movie he was in with uh. I I like Tay Diggs.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:22

Yeah. I think Terry Cruz would be good too.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:27

I I like Tay Diggs. I think Terry Cruz is it's hard not to be intimidated by Terry Cruz. Nigga's huge.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:33

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 1:18:34

I don't think so, though. Because of his naturality.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:38

Well, I think yes, Terry has a good personality, but then when we think about the physicality of the role, Tay being the small dude with Jack A, I think that would make it just a hilarious combination of the two.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:51

I'm with Orlando Jones or Tay Diggs, but I really like Tay Diggs. When Janae brought up Tay Diggs, I like I think Tay Diggs is because he does that, you know, hey girl. Hey he do he does that like manly but uh metrosexual vibe. He can do that. I like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:11

Yeah, we're wearing that little earring.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:13

Alright, so we're going with Tay Diggs. Alright, so then for the mom, we got or Miss Fokker, played by Barbara Streisand. We're going with Jack A. Alright, we're done. That's it. Alright, y'all, we melanated it. We recasted Meet the Fockers. It was good, but we made it blacker. So for Ben Stiller, who played the character of Gay Lord Greg Focker, we casted Marlon Waynes. For Terry Polo, who played Pamela Martha Fokker, we casted Essence Atkins. For Robert De Niro, who played Jack Burns, the CIA agent, we casted Eddie Murphy. For Blyth Danner, who played Dina Barnes, we casted Halle Berry. For Dustin Hoffman, who was Bernie Fokker, we casted Tay Diggs. So Tay Diggs is Marlon Waynes' dad. Okay. And for Barbara Streisand, who was Rosalind Fokker, we casted Jack A, who was from Sister Sister, if we didn't make that clear earlier. The mama, sister, sister. Alright, let us know what you think. Let us know if you think we casted this movie perfectly, or if you think you can do better and what characters you would put on this list. We're gonna go ahead and end the podcast there. Let them know. Let them know where they can find y'all. Anything y'all want to promote, let them know.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:40

Thank you so much for having me, y'all. My name is Shekinah. I am the host of the Let's Talk This podcast. We are a podcast all about creating safe space for black women to have authentic and real conversations, to grow in community, and to heal, grow, and love yourself. So if you're interested in conversations, if you're interested in a community of black women who are just like you, you can head over to the Let's Talk Sis Pod on TikTok. You can look us up on YouTube at the Let's Talk Sis uh podcast and all the other platforms. You can find us there. We are the purple, what's it called, profile picture. Everywhere you'll find me.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:20

Facts, hit her up, hit her up, hit her up. Make sure y'all go on support and listen to the Let's Talk Sis Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:26

I am Janae and I am your favorite therapist. If you're looking for a new therapist, you can hit me up. The website is called Myself Included. We also offer groups. They also have a daycare too as well. So if you're looking for a new daycare, um, you can definitely hit Myself and I included up. Ashley is partnering with their sister company. Um, but we also take insurance as well. So if you need a new therapist, if you want to join some groups, if you need an advocate for your including or for your child for school advocacy, we also offer those services. Once again, it's called Myself Included. And also, if you want to find me on social media, my Instagram is Janny underscore yellow. Um, so make sure you stay in touch and get that self-carrying.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:21

Facts, facts, facts. Make sure y'all go and support. Make sure you hit her up if you need that help. I feel like we all need to talk to someone at some point in time in our life. So make sure y'all hit her up.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:31

Okay, it's Kamaya. Um, you can catch me on um Instagram at K period L-E-I underscore lashes. On TikTok, the same thing. My website is Kaylee Lashes, my periodmindshopify.com. So check out my products there. Um definitely a part of her stuff there. I enjoy my time on the show. You can catch us next time on COVID Citic Hours.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:55

Facts, facts, facts. Hit her up, hit her up, hit her up. Make sure you support and go buy her lashes. I actually bought my wife some of her lashes, which she really loves. So y'all make sure you uh support her brand. And I am your host, five. You can catch me at notorious underscore B-I-G underscore E or hit us up at the podcast, Instagram at the Cobacetic R, podcast tick that copacetic R. Keep sending your emails to thekobacetic.com. Please keep buying your merchandise at thecobacetic.com. I got hoodies, hats, mugs, coats, whatever you need. I got it. I have you dripping like water. And as always, please walk by faith, protect your peace, secure your wealth, and define your destiny. This is the Cobacetic R people. Peace.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:44

You're tuning in to the Copacetic Hours of the Cope Cetic Why don't you