Bougie Bonton's...

Episode: 204

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This episode is ALL over the place…. Now y’all know Team TCH … We don’t usually get into politics… but today? Yeah, we dipped our pinky toe in it just a bit. 

We also get real about family…specifically how the same people judging your life now were doing 10x worse back in their day. The hypocrisy ! 

And of course, we tap into one of those heavy “Dear TCH” moments… is it ever okay to take a child away from their mother?

This is definitely one of them ones you don’t want to miss …. Tune In !

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Get too many to the copper fight.

SPEAKER_05 0:23

Yes, this is the Copa Setic Hour. Copacetic is determining everything is fine, cool, and in excellent order. This podcast is an area for open discussion, but not for the weak hearted nor the simple-minded. And although we may not always agree, we will always simplify respect. But at the same time, nobody, and I do mean nobody, is exempt from getting these jokes. Everything is copacetic. Yes, the copacetic is everybody doing today? Good. How are you? I'm doing good. I'm doing good. I'm doing good. So today, so why don't you chill icebreaker is what are your top three most forgotten about music groups?

SPEAKER_01 1:06

So this is Val or B, and I would say, um, you know that one group, Brownstone? I don't know what they what they uh their song was I gotta look it up. But I just remember that being a group. What'd you say?

SPEAKER_05 1:26

One of them passed away, right? I think so. Angie Stone Stone.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_05 1:35

I don't know. I might have just put Stone and Stone together. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

I was like, oh I was like, I don't want to say no, because that don't sound right, but Yeah, the lady just passed away, but it's a 90s uh RB trio, so it's three of them. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

But what's the um what's the song?

unknown 2:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:01

Do you know what the song is?

SPEAKER_05 2:02

I don't know what song you talk about.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

What song?

SPEAKER_01 2:06

But have you heard of the group?

SPEAKER_05 2:08

I have heard of Brownstone. I have, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Okay, so anyway, it don't matter. Whatever the song is, but that's a unforgotten group, because clearly I don't know what they sung. I remember them being a group. I remember them being a group.

SPEAKER_05 2:19

I'm looking at their songs. I don't know none of these songs. Not by name. I had to.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

I could have sworn it was one of them songs.

SPEAKER_05 2:25

They got like one of them classic songs. I I know they got like a classic song, but I I just without playing it, because they're like, take this down if we play the music.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

You know what I'm saying? I got you. Yeah. Okay. Okay, cool. But you know that one scene with I think it was in Set It Off when Jada Pickett and uh and uh Blair Underwood, they was getting it on. That one song when they was having sex.

SPEAKER_05 2:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

What's it gonna be?

SPEAKER_05 2:52

Oh, is that their song?

SPEAKER_01 2:53

I think so.

SPEAKER_05 2:54

Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 2:57

All right, cool. I had to prove that point. I'm a burger. Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

And then uh so I know that they have been going out on tour and stuff with Drew Hill and 112.

SPEAKER_05 3:13

So you saying both of them groups?

SPEAKER_01 3:15

No, I'm sorry. I'm saying 112 is a forgotten about group. But haven't they been going out on theur for sure.

SPEAKER_05 3:24

You know what I'm saying? 112 is I wouldn't say they legendary, but like they they classic. They got classics. You know what I'm saying? 112 got classics.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Yeah, I just saw recently on Instagram uh Slim singing uh wait, what's the song? You know the song. Oh, Cupid. There it goes.

SPEAKER_04 3:45

Oh, Cupid, okay, Cupid, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

I mean, five. What's up? You ain't even you got me out.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

That's why they forgot about You was like, nah. That's why they forgot about it. Brownstone.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Brownstone 112. Let's see. I'm gonna go over to the ladies. I think this is gonna be funny. Destiny's Child.

SPEAKER_05 4:12

I was gonna say the same one. I was gonna say the same one. As popular as Destiny's Child was on when in our teenage years, it's wild to think that Destiny's Child is forgotten about. But like, you don't hear people talking about or listening to Destiny's Child. Destiny Child is probably the greatest girl group of all time in RB, and you just it's like they're not a thing anymore. Like, they were never a thing. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

They only know Beyonce.

SPEAKER_05 4:45

They only know.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

They only know Beyonce. They know Kelly.

SPEAKER_05 4:47

I was finna say they know Kelly.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Beyonce and Kelly, and then they know Michelle on the periphery because she be on their tours, and they're like, oh yeah, like that's when they would start remembering or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 4:55

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 4:56

But when you think about it, uh, them was some bangers. Facts, facts, like writings on the wall.

SPEAKER_05 5:03

Facts. Facts.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

I love Lady Sleep Your Man at home.

SPEAKER_05 5:08

Oh, man. I I love say my name so much that I thought Beyoncé's name was Destiny. I thought she was Destiny's child when I was when I was growing up. Like, I didn't know. You know you know Destiny? I did not know she was Beyonce. I thought she was Destiny. Swear. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yo, my parents, they country. So they be like, yeah, them Destiny's children. But when you think about it, it's like Destiny's Child, but there's three of y'all. So I don't even get it no more.

SPEAKER_05 5:45

Promise you. Promise you. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Like, who named the group though? Like, I even I don't want the hype to come after me, but who named the group Destiny's Child? And what did it mean? I'm I don't know. I wasn't that deep in. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_05 5:58

And then it was two of them before that, Latoya Luckett and uh Latavia. Latavia. I don't know her last name. I'm sorry. Yeah. Shout out to you though. You still legendary. Bruh. You know what I'm saying? And even like Latoya Luckett went on to have her own career. You know, Kelly went on to have her own career, and then, you know, Beyonce's Beyonce. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Don't forget about Farah. That one she was on that one video where they flashed her and she was in uh do you know what I'm talking about? I have no idea what you're talking about. What? The real ones know. There was a video that um that Destiny's child had, and this is when they was switching up the members.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

And it it was like had all the different color rooms, and then everybody's like, wait, but where's Beyonce? But where's who? And then and then it finally had came out that Latoya and Latavia were gone, and then they tried out Farah, I think her name was, and then there was Michelle, I think. And Michelle stayed, and then they booted Farah. But listen, that's how I understood it as a 12, right, 13, however, year old, not and listen, ain't nobody proved me wrong yet.

SPEAKER_05 7:11

Facts. Facts. Yeah, I uh shout out to Farah. I never even knew you you had a uh trial run. I didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Bruh. That was wild times, man. Going in middle school. Everybody was talking about that.

SPEAKER_05 7:24

I did not know. I am your host, Five. Shout out to uh everybody listening to the podcast. I love you, I appreciate you. I need you, especially right now, little key. Um we still go doing our same thing. Shout out to our new location listeners, shout out to Porto Al Aligray, Rio, Grande do Sol. If I said that wrong, I'm sorry, but I love you. Shout out to Alexandria, Virginia, shout out to Park Ridge, Illinois, and shout out to Sudbury, Suffolk. And if I said that wrong as well, I apologize. I still love you. I am just a dumb American, but I appreciate you listening and sharing the podcast. I need all y'all to send this podcast, send it to y'all friends, send your favorite episode to y'all friends so we can run these listens up and uh, you know, get it going. YouTube, I am now putting out videos on YouTube. Season one will be out probably at the end of next month. All of season one will be on YouTube, so go and check the uh previous videos from season one. Keep in mind that season one is freaking wild, and I'm sorry. Um I have found the Lord in in this new age of mine, and all the cussing and all the sex talk and all the freakiness that was happening season probably one through five. I'm sorry, but you know, listen to season six, you see I've changed the new leaf, so you can see my journey. You know what I'm saying? You can see the journey. Um but shout out to y'all for listening and watching on YouTube. My top three missed groups. I had Destiny's Child, so I don't even know if I have another one after that. Uh I'm gonna go with InSync. Uh InSync was super duper popular and I was in like elementary school, middle school. I had InSync CDs, everything.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Uh wait, let's run that back. You said top group or RB group.

SPEAKER_05 9:34

Is InSync not an RB group?

SPEAKER_01 9:37

They pop, I think.

SPEAKER_05 9:38

But just because they was labeled pop, but if you listen to their music, that's black people music. That's RB. That is not pop. I'm sorry. They just was popular, but that's not pop music.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Bruh. They were definitely pop.

SPEAKER_05 9:58

That's a debate. I just agree.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Put a poll out. Yeah, we gotta put a poll.

SPEAKER_05 10:03

This is gonna be this is gonna be a clip. Yeah, we're gonna. Was in sync RB or was they pop? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 10:09

They are pop. Listen. Justin Timberlake, because just because he was hanging with the niggas don't mean that he uh This is before all of that.

SPEAKER_05 10:17

This is before. I'm talking about with the group.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

That's what I'm seeing. You think that he RB'd? They wasn't. They was pop. Anyway, alright, who the other ones?

SPEAKER_05 10:25

He was I think he was RB'd. My second most forgotabout group is Blackstreet. I love Blackstreet, girl. I still love Blackstreet to this day. Blackstreet is so forgotten about, but they got classics. Like super classics. Yip, yip. Ain't that what he used to do? One of the best groups out.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Who is that? Uh Riley? Then he used to do the yip yip.

SPEAKER_05 10:51

Yeah. You be hanging me out here. I your memory just better than mine. I'm sorry. Keeping it a bug.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

He was like, that's what I got about.

SPEAKER_05 11:01

Your memory better than mine. I'm sorry. Alright. Okay, so. Okay, I had Beyonce and I had Destiny's child for my last group, so do I want to go with IMX or immature?

SPEAKER_04 11:17

Or let's see if I can think of it. I am Xure.

SPEAKER_05 11:24

But I liked it immature, but they weren't. They are forgotten about. They definitely meet the criteria.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Yeah. Um Roger.

SPEAKER_05 11:38

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, my dog was Roger on TV and Batman in the world. You know what I'm saying? Like yo. He was Batman in the world. Sex symbol outside of being on TV. Like crazy.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Yo, but then he will make an appearance on Sister Sister.

SPEAKER_05 11:57

Man, wild.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Do you remember the episodes?

SPEAKER_05 12:01

Yes. Sister Sister is a classic. Classic TV show.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

Bro. But when Batman would make an appearance, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 12:09

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. When he be doubling up, facts. Yeah. Facts, facts, facts. Yeah, I'm going with IMX. IMX is IMX slash immature. You know, they they grew I I never knew what IMX stand for, low-key. Uh yeah, me either.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

I mean, maybe that was like the was that the abbreviation for immature?

SPEAKER_04 12:29

Immature. Where did X come from? I don't mean. Shoot, I don't know, bro.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

Oh, maybe they was like formerly immature. Nah. I was trying to walk with that one in a couple of things. I'll be trying to make not I'll be trying to make sense out of nonsense sometime.

SPEAKER_05 12:48

They say I make sense for immature. That's what is it Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

You're right.

SPEAKER_05 12:52

There you go. See ya.

SPEAKER_04 12:53

Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_05 12:54

Hit that nail on the head for sure. Um the shout out to Did we do an honor mention? Honoral mention. Go ahead. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Remember uh LSG? LSG with uh Genuine Sweat and was it Sweat. It wasn't LeVert, was it?

SPEAKER_05 13:15

Yeah, Gerald LeVert, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gerald. Bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

I don't know none of their songs, but I know they existed. Oh no, no, no. It was Johnny Gill. Johnny Gill. Did you already say that? Yeah, it wasn't. I said Genuine.

SPEAKER_05 13:26

You said Genuine. I said Genuine. Definitely Gerald LeVert.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Yep, it was Gerald LeVert, Johnny Gill, and Keith Sweat. That's a forgotten about group.

SPEAKER_04 13:35

They forgotten about for sure. RP to uh Gerald LeVert. Yeah, for sure. R.P.

SPEAKER_05 13:41

So to pin that conversation we was talking about earlier, I feel like our generation has like gone through the craziest things in life. Like yo. Like our parents, I feel like our parents like they kind of had it like smooth sailing a a little bit to me, like as far as like the world, like inflation and we had 9-11, we had uh COVID, we had all these different like our celebrities dying, you know what I'm saying? Like our generation is gone through like the most, you know what I'm saying? Plus, like we went from like no technology into like super technology all of a sudden. Like, we've experienced what the world was like to like have a rotary phone, you know what I'm saying, or a dial up phone to having a cell phone, you know what I'm saying? Like, our generation has been through so much so quickly. In 35 years, I played Oregon Trail and now I'm streaming podcast videos.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

That's real. You know what I'm saying? That's real. So I think there's levels to it. Cause when you initially had said that uh our generation went through more than our parents' generation, I had to pause and be like, my parents kind of older.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Uh they headed towards 70. So I feel like I it depends on which what your parents are.

SPEAKER_05 15:13

Yeah, that my that's more of my grandparents' generation, and I would say them people went through war. So yeah, not them, not your parents. So it's uh that's different. You know what I'm saying? That's okay, cool. Because that's almost like, ooh, that's completely my mama only 55. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 15:31

So meanwhile, my parents on the other side is 65.

SPEAKER_05 15:36

You know what I'm saying? So like, you know, my dad, my dad 54. You know, he ain't he didn't go through no war or nothing like that. Yeah. Gas was a dollar fifty when he was taking me to school. Really? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Yeah. It was never like two cents on a swan. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 15:53

But it was something low. Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying? Five dollars really was like gas money back in the day. You know what I'm saying? Now a gallon of gas is five dollars.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Bro, I'm triggered. I just got gas before I hopped on here, and I was like, I what? Huh? Like, where but you know what? And I don't talk political, I don't want to, I don't intend to, but we told you so.

SPEAKER_05 16:20

Period. Honestly, um I'm not even into politics, but I just I don't think uh I don't even blame like the left. I don't believe in the right either. If I'm keeping it a book. Listen, I'm like I think all I don't I only believe in Jesus. I don't believe in uh the right.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Yeah, we gotta I'm triggered. I'm triggered. I'm triggered. Okay, so anyway, anyway, back to but yeah, I feel like you're correct in the sense of like so much transition. Like when you say like our parents had it easier, maybe not necessarily easier, but like more level. So they like had racism and all them things, but that stuff was consistent. Right in our, I guess, in our generation.

SPEAKER_05 17:06

Um we got microaggressions, like it's not like it's different. Talk about what your parents because like your your parents and my uncle are like around the same age, and my uncle got chased by the KKK. So like it's it's different, you know what I'm saying? Like they got real like stuff, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yo, and it's crazy because it's like, yeah, those banned books, nobody even talks about it. It's crazy. Like my parents told me stories about how they had to get my uh my uh great-grandfather out of town because the KKK was coming for him. I'm like, bruh. It's crazy, like, ugh, okay. That gets into politics and stuff, I feel like. But it's just crazy how but no, I think too though, how telling stories is so important because and like tapping into the older generation and listening to the different stories that they have, and they they like so much knowledge there, so many um different experiences, and just because like I realize for me anyway, that just because they're not saying or telling their story linear or like you get bits here, like when you go visit Amy uh, you know, this summer, I got that piece.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

And then the next summer, I get the other piece, or you know, in between, I'm calling her and I'm like, hey, you remember when you said X about Y, whatever? And then, you know, we I get another piece, and then I be piecing the stories, and they're like, Oh, okay, that makes sense, you know?

SPEAKER_05 18:36

You ever just find out like drama that was in your family, and you was like, all these sanctified church people, I was just I would have never known. I would never knew.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Bro, I never knew. Yo, you'd be like, yo, such and such was a crack here. Shut up.

SPEAKER_05 18:55

They was doing what? Like you would could never even imagine, like, they was sinners, like real ones. Worse than you, worse than the sinner I'm doing, and but very judgmental on me.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Like Okay, okay, because that's the crazy thing. And it's like yo, yo, yo, the generation uh that is raising you wants better for you. Yes. And they're like, oh, don't be out there doing this, don't be out there doing that, and then you be out here doing this and that, and then they uh and then they be judging you, yeah. Meanwhile, you start hearing the stories about like, well, you know, such and such. Man, you know she had two husbands.

SPEAKER_05 19:40

Right. You you start finding out yo, this and that ain't as bad as they diss and that.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Yeah. Yeah, they didn't know.

SPEAKER_05 19:52

It'd be like, oh this and that is wild. Like you was doing what? Facts. So that ain't that ain't they daddy? No.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yo, yo, it was a story that somebody told me that it was a set of twins that had different daddies.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

And this is in the 60s, huh?

SPEAKER_04 20:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Somebody was homing. They wasn't sanctified, they was doing something.

SPEAKER_05 20:22

Yeah. My my grandma, her father is not the same as her siblings' father. You know what I'm saying? And wild to me. I'm like, huh. Would have never known that growing up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Then you find out who don't like each other. You know what I'm saying? You never knew. Like the the drama in families be crazy.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Bruh, it's sad though. It's like, it's and it's like, you know how people always say, you know, they want to break generational curses and and all that. It's like, how do you navigate it and at the same time trying to break it? Like, it's like I'm just trying to survive in it, but I how okay. But I do understand it's like making a choice and you know, discipline and stuff. It's just it's hard.

SPEAKER_05 21:13

But you don't you don't even know sometimes you don't even know, like you know what I'm saying? This happens in our family. Yeah. But you never knew like all the the ins and outs of why this happens in this family. You know what I'm saying? That's not necessarily my family though. My family is definitely like okay, it's a difference. My father's side of my family is ghetto, right? Like straight hood, hood people out the trenches. But my mom's side of my family are like they they bougie bontons. They are, they are judgmental folk. Wait, what are you bougie? What do you call them? Bougie bontons. They are bougie bontons. Judgmental church church folk. They are the most of the judgiest church. People in on the planet. You know what I'm saying? But in public spaces, they act accordingly, though. We don't have drama on that side of my family. There will be no fights on that side of my family during any type of event. Now, my other side of my family, oh, there might be some fights or some drunken, some super drunkenness, or something. You know what I'm saying? There's definitely lit liquor and weed going on on the Jackson side of an event. You know what I'm saying? Like sound like a black function. It is definitely getting turt up on the Jackson side of an event.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

It's wild though, because when you're saying your mom's side um is the what's it? Bougie. Bougie Bon Time. Yeah, bougie. That's my first time hearing it. I love that. But and I could, okay. I I I uh could relate. And um I feel like the bougie bontons, they out there smoking weed, doing shit too. It's just, it's just not out in the open. I because listen, I feel like, okay, I just started watching Snowfall or just finished. But you know how they was in the club? How in that one um where Franklin went to sell his The Brits, and it was like kind of classy, I suppose, if you will.

SPEAKER_05 23:18

I haven't in the club, but they I haven't finished Snowfall.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Okay, but they was doing anyway, more of the story is they was doing cold over there.

SPEAKER_05 23:25

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

And so I'm just saying, like, things ain't always as it appears. Or they doing Eddie's over there. Yeah. Because them niggas is high, or they drunk, or they got a little class, they just whatever. Bougie Bantan.

SPEAKER_04 23:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

I feel like we all doing the same. Yeah, that's true. At least that's not my family, but they used to be on that, I would say. All my my people, I would say they used to be on that. Now they really, they really like, they judging you because they not doing it now. But the issue with that is they're not supposed to be judging people like they be doing, though. They they are the judgiest of the judgiest. They are they act like they don't have a past. That's how they act. Period. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? They act like I can't grow into being them. You know what I'm saying? Not saying they act like I can't, but they they talk about you like you won't. Okay. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Like my word. It's crazy because I think about um some of the work that I do with with younger uh college students, and I think about how I can give them advice and say different things just based on experience, yeah, based on what I know, yeah, facts. Right. And I'm also the big age of 36. Like, I also went through some stuff and had to bump my head and do things. And so, like, as much as we're like, oh my gosh, like you ain't listened. And as we're talking about uh our our older generation judging us, yeah, it's like, dang, let's sit back and like really think about this. And like, okay, you also bumped your head, and I get that you don't want me to bump my head, but this is my journey. And if you believe in the Lord, yeah, then we know that they he ordered these steps, and my ass failed.

SPEAKER_05 25:16

So I got presented the test and I failed the test, you know what I'm saying? But he's still gonna make it for my good. You know what I'm saying? Okay, that's what he said.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

And he tells me that I had to hold on to his unchanging hand, okay? And we in there and we moving on, whatever. So I don't know. I just feel like each generation needs to give each other grace. You know? Yeah. I feel like they want the best for us, and yeah, they judging or whatever. And I think sometimes those ones that judge, they gonna sometimes they are the quick, the first ones to be like, bring me that old the baby out of the wedding, bring me that bastard.

SPEAKER_05 25:57

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Let me hold it. Oh, they they're gonna, my family definitely like they gonna talk about you, but they gonna take care of you too, though. We ain't gonna let you fall by the wayside. You you gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Y'all, as many times as uh AT, such and such, calling AT, such and such, well, you know, such and such is getting out of jail. Uh we trying to collect a collection so that uh he can get an apartment and whatever, whatever. Right. I mean, like, but he ain't got no job. Like, how he gonna pay the next month? Right.

SPEAKER_05 26:32

Practicality now. No, for that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

But they mean while they're talking junk about him the whole time he was in prison.

SPEAKER_05 26:41

You know what I'm saying? But that yeah, they definitely, my family definitely like, they're not gonna let you, they're not gonna let you struggle, especially if you're trying. If you're trying, they're gonna look out for you for sure. You know what I'm saying? I can I can they could talk about me all they want to because if I ever needed anything, they would come through 100%.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

100%, I would say the sign.

SPEAKER_04 27:02

100%.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

That extra don't be needed, though. The extra, like, you know what I'm saying? It's like one thing I um say as a parent, and I um obviously I'm only a parent of a young child, but I be like, yo, I I know I want to shield them from falling, but I can't. You just gotta be the soft landing.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

And so I feel like sometimes parents they fuss at us like, yo, I'm already beating myself up because I'm down bad.

SPEAKER_05 27:32

Like trust me. I know I'm I'm messing up right now. Like you. I know.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Don't kick me while I'm down. I know we can talk about this later.

SPEAKER_05 27:47

I know I'm messing up. I I know. I I don't know why I I got here, but I'm here. You know what I'm saying? I know. If you don't got a solution, I just need some encouragement right now.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Like, it's funny though, because sometimes I call my sister and I be like, hey y'all, I don't want no solutions. I just want a bit. And then I just go off.

SPEAKER_03 28:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

And then she at the end, she be like, okay.

unknown 28:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Like, alright, cool. I just had to, I just had to get it out.

SPEAKER_05 28:20

See, but you gotta have maturity to even frame that for your sister. I feel like I'm the oldest sibling. I feel like my brothers frame that for me. And I think it's different being a man too, because I don't have a sister. So being a man, like, if my sister-in-laws call me and talking about something, I know like that's a woman thing they want to vent. You know what I'm saying? But my brothers, if they don't tell me something like that, I'm I'm gonna, you need to do this, you need to do that. Cause I'm a man, you know what I'm saying? And like I'm trying to find solutions for you. But to have the maturity to say, like, I don't really want a solution, I just need to vent to you about this. And that'll frame me my my thinking on what to say. You know what I'm saying? I wish I but I I respect that because that takes a lot of maturity for you to have that. You know what I'm saying? That's good.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

I got there though, you know?

unknown 29:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

Practice. And I I try to do a balance between that and like it's so here go a good example. My car was malfunctioning, and uh so uh I I started my car with an automatic start. I came from a 2007, so this this 2021, I felt like a little flex I can do that. So uh anyway, long story short, we go out there, and you know how you usually hit that little button on there to open the door, yeah, you know, to unlock it, and it wouldn't unlock, and I'm like, bro, what? Um, you know, like okay, I'm holding my five. So then I try to unlock it with my five. That mother's not unlocking. So then I try to uh I try to unlock the um the tailgate thing and it went up. I'm like, okay, my daughter crawled through, like hit the button on the inside, like what's happening? So then fast forward to later on that night, she on the phone with my parents, as she does, like it's no, yeah, you know, that's that's not anything that's new.

SPEAKER_04 30:21

They be at that.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

But then she said, she said, yeah, mommy's car was uh acted up and told my all my business, mommy. And then I said, Ro, why you tell my business? And she said, Well, mommy, it's my business too. I was there and I was like, shit.

SPEAKER_05 30:44

You right?

SPEAKER_01 30:46

And like, yo, okay, okay. You talking about your day too, because that affected you, and that's what the fuck you had to do. Oh man, that's funny. Wow. So I mean, you know.

SPEAKER_04 31:01

That's funny.

SPEAKER_05 31:04

This week's episode is sponsored by the design lab at Shutter Shock Co. From logos and business cards to invitations and custom tees, the design lab is your one-stop shop for graphics. The design lab is the sole creator for Copacetic merchandise available now. Use your promo code Copacetic for 10% off your CopaSetic merchandise. Shop now using the link in our bio.cobacetic hour dot com. Dear TCH, I really need some real advice because this situation is starting to weigh heavy on me. My husband's sister has a child, and the baby father is basically non-existent. Like truly a deadbeat. Doesn't show up, doesn't help, nothing. Because of that, my husband has stepped up in a major way. To the point where he's basically become the boy's father. At first, I respected it. I loved it honestly. It showed me the type of man that I married. But now things have gone way further than I expected. The child is always at our house, and I don't mean just weekends or random days. I mean he basically is living here. He has his own room, his own routine, everything. At this point, I'm not Auntie. I'm mom. I'm cooking for him, I'm disciplining him, helping with school, showing up emotionally, and all of it. And here's where it gets messy. I don't agree with how my sister-in-law is raising him at all. I'm trying not to be judgmental, but it feels like she's barely present, making questionable decisions, and honestly, I'd go as far as saying she's acting like a deadbeat too. Part of me feels like if we're already raising him, we should just make it official and try to get parental rights or custody. At least then there would be structure, stability, and consistency for him. But the other part of me is like, is that crossing the line? Is that going to blow up the family? Am I doing too much? I truly love that child. I really do. And I want what's best for him, but I also don't want to overstep or create a situation we can't come back from. Am I wrong for wanting to step in as his real parent? Or should I stay in my place and let his actual parents figure it out? Even if I don't agree with how they're doing it.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Confuse Auntie, please help.

SPEAKER_05 34:16

Alright, so you are the the uh only person on this show that is uh raising a uh another person, you know what I'm saying? So I feel like your uh your thoughts should be most respected in this in this light. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 34:35

Man, that's a lot to unpack. Um what did they say the mom was doing again? She's just out here doing what she wants?

SPEAKER_05 34:48

That's how she felt. And it's barely present.

SPEAKER_03 34:57

Yeah, that's that's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Um I wonder what the child and how he feels. 'Cause it's a boy. I I wonder how he feels. I I think about that because um children will tell you they'll tell you exactly how they feel or what's going on, and you know, he might be saying, I miss mommy or or whatever it may be. Um I'm just curious about that.

SPEAKER_04 35:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Um, and or he could be like, Hey, yo, Uncle Uncle, what's his yeah, uncle whoever. I wanna um be at your house all the time. Can I move in?

SPEAKER_03 35:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

You know, I I mean I just wonder how the child feels because I feel like if it's leaning towards uncle such and such, can I move in? Like, you know, because I feel like kids know where they're feeling the most love. They know like where they feel the most safe and comfortable. And I would say, you know, maybe that could be a conversation if that's what the child is saying. Um, if it's the reverse, then I would be like, I don't know. I I wonder if they've pulled mama to the carpet and been like, hey mama, we've been noticing, or you know, little Billy has been saying um how much he misses his mom. And I just didn't know if that was brought to your awareness that, you know, your baby's missing you.

SPEAKER_03 36:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

You know, because I feel like as a working mom, you can get in the grind. Yeah, you can get in the grind of it all. And um I know for me, I work a full-time job in the in another job.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

Um, also just doing all, you know, trying to, I mean, a part of the organization. Um, and something had to like fall by the wayside. And so I I made a choice for myself and what that was. But um, I feel like as a working mom, you sometimes get caught in that because you're working to provide what you need to do to provide for your child.

SPEAKER_05 37:04

Um and but if he's living over there, she ain't uh unless she's going to school or something, you know what I'm saying? Like she could. If she going to school or if she if she got like something going on to where like she's trying to better her life, that's different. You know what I'm saying? I think I think that you and your husband should be stepping up to help them out, like as much as you can, you know what I'm saying, for his future. You know what I'm saying? Right. But if she just like, yeah, I don't feel like dealing with it. You know what I'm saying? She just dropping them off like people used to do at the grandparents' house back in the day. Like, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 37:43

Okay, no, y'all spending the night. You know, and that's one of the thoughts that I had. Like, dang, she sounds like she ain't never stayed with her grandma uh for summer. I'm over here judging the uh the the evil. Like, dang. You acting like you acting like you ain't never stayed at TT House just a little bit longer than facts, facts.

SPEAKER_05 38:14

Yeah, I mean I guess it's different, like I don't know if you can like take custody away from somebody. That's especially a mother, like that. I don't know about that emotionally. You know what I'm saying? That that'll cause strife for sure.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

I do think I'm curious where they live. Do they live in close proximity? Because, you know, in some cases, mama lives across town and they primarily stay with whoever, uncle, whoever, and um so like at that point, do custody really gotta be taken over? Like, you you really are providing. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

What do you think? I don't even think none of that matters.

SPEAKER_05 38:59

Like, I think you brought up a good point where like if the kid misses mom, you don't create separation from his mom. You give him all the opportunities to have his mom as much as he can have. Yeah. If the mama don't want that, you know, eventually that kid will grow up and he'll realize, you know what I'm saying? Unfortunately, like, hey, your mom is who your mom is, unfortunately. And that sucks. That sucks. You know, that it it sucks. But that's something I personally, that's something I had to like do with my dad. Like, my dad was never like not around or nothing like that, but he was like not around. Like my my my my dad lived down the street growing up, you know what I'm saying? But I think about as I got older, like when I got to like my 20s or stuff, you know what I'm saying? Especially now at 35, I'm thinking like, if you would have had a baby 15 years ago at 20, like, you don't know how you would have been as a parent, you know what I'm saying? Like trying to navigate the world. So I give my dad a lot of grace, you know what I'm saying? And plus plus we like rekindled uh we never had a bad relationship, but like we like good, good now. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But like you just unfortunately, that's just a part of life where like that kid has to learn like who his parent is, you know what I'm saying, unless his parent gonna change. If if she's doing as bad as the emailer is saying, like making questionable decisions with him, and not being around, and you know what I'm saying. He already gotta deal with that with his dad on some on some level, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 40:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:42

But like if uh if he gotta deal with that his mom too, like I don't think it's right for her to create any type of separation or anything, because he already gonna have to go through some type of turmoil if she is doing as bad as she says she is.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

I do think uh communication is key too.

SPEAKER_05 41:02

Umbe the mom don't know. Maybe she just he liked being with his uncle, you know, and his aunt. You know what I'm saying? Maybe she on that.

SPEAKER_01 41:09

Yeah, and honestly, talk to your husband, be like, hey Babe, uh, I noticed, like, why we so why um Billy got a room here again? Like, do we got this his mama got a house? Does she got a house? Oh, she oh, she don't got a house. Okay, alright. Alright, alright, alright. You want to get him like listen, I am not judging. I'm very blessed, and also I know that I could be homeless tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? Like facts happens, and so mama might be having to stay at the domestic shelter because somebody because the daddy daddy was beating her ass.

SPEAKER_05 41:51

You never know what's going on, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

She needs the baby to have a safe place to go. Like so many scenarios.

SPEAKER_05 41:56

Yeah. Facts. You never know. So yeah, okay, I'm with you on that. Y'all need to sit down and have a conversation and find out why this is happening with the mom first. Before any of it. Don't even bring up the whole custody thing or nope. Don't even bring it up until you find out like the entire situation of what's going on. Is she really being a Debbie or is she just having a hard time right now? You know what I'm saying? Hey yo. That makes a difference.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Hey yo. Did she she could be on a pipe? She could be, she could be. Listen. Listen. I'm telling you, I've been watching snowfall. But no. It's real. Listen, do you know how my heart was broken when little Melanie from next door was in the crack house? I said, my God. Anyway, so I say that because mom might be in a bad moment. Like she might be struggling with addiction.

SPEAKER_03 43:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Uh, she might be headed to rehab. Um, you gotta talk to your man's because your husband, I would say, I'm not married. I don't, so listen, I'm speaking on a turn, I will say. Yeah. But I feel like you and your husband should have had that conversation to understand what's happening. Right. And so, and also respecting your husband enough to know that's his nep that I mean, I mean, that's his sister child, which you know, it's your nephew, and he's gonna handle it. Yeah, he got it. I trust him.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

All right.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

I just because I because I trust my man, I know that whatever the situation is happening, he got it.

SPEAKER_05 43:42

Right.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

I'm just gonna be here and make sure the baby fed and tucked in and read a book.

SPEAKER_05 43:48

Because like I have nieces and nephews, because like if they needed to come live with me for whatever reason, then it is what it is. You know what I'm saying? Like, they were all as long as I'm stable, they will. be stable. The kids. My brothers, they're gonna have to try to figure it out. But that might be what she's doing. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

She's probably hustling or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 44:10

Not saying I ain't gonna help them. I definitely would help them if I can help. But like they can't come live with me. No. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 44:16

Stack that paper. She might be trying to stack her paper to get an apartment. You know, you just don't know. Like she could be a deadbeat. She could be out drinking, partying, you know, doing all the things. She could be, but to this day and age, and I guess at least in my purview, and I I I have a um you know my own bubble I she could just be trying to to hustle.

SPEAKER_04 44:42

Yeah. Facts. Need a safe place for her baby to be stuff is hard right now. Like in every aspect.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

Yeah. Bills, food, safety bruh.

SPEAKER_05 44:57

You know what I'm saying? Like you gotta be careful when you out and about okay. Nothing is guaranteed.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

You just never know.

SPEAKER_05 45:04

Nothing is guaranteed.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

It's crazy cuz you know uh yo COVID was a wild time.

SPEAKER_05 45:12

We're still suffering from COVID s six years later.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

It was a wild time and I don't know it was that time because obviously there was another significant thing that happened in 2020. Um but it felt like we it it felt like that was the closest to some kind of re incarnation of what you said what is that so like what am I trying to say like basically you know how like everybody was like waving certain flags and they going down the I don't know it was a weird time at least in my neighborhood it was it was weird they would be rolling past with a certain uh person's name on the flag and people were um you know that once January 6th happened like it was just so many so much happening in that time frame it's like we gotta pay bills and deal with this shit. Yeah yeah yeah I lived in a neighborhood where all the white people around me have black lives matter flags in their yards I was like we lived in a good we live in a good neighborhood at that time I'm talking about the whole block and it we it was us and the Mexican people live next door you know my people you know what I'm saying yeah but listen I heard you roll that R in uh whatever was at the beginning of the show I was gonna say okay I hear you make you Mexican coming out oh when you was announcing the countries and stuff I'm like okay you know what I'm saying so like at that time like I felt safe in my neighborhood low key not gonna lie like we got some good people in this neighborhood bruh bruh that was a time yeah I don't want to talk about it trauma with a with the capital bold T.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

But uh yeah anyway I um but back to adulting I'm saying like it was all that happened and I had to pay the bills and just even just all the things going on in the world it's like I still gotta pay these bills but y'all okay alright bet but y'all y'all spending billion billions and then my loans can't okay alright cool like ugh yeah I don't know I I couldn't be president because I don't understand or the government I don't understand why we spend millions and trillions of dollars on other countries and we don't spend it in America I I just somebody need would just have to break that down to me because I just don't understand. You know what I'm saying? Like we got homeless people here. We got hungry people here we got and like don't get me wrong there's food stamps there's Medicaid there's all these different things and we still have hungry people we still have homeless people we still have you know say we have resources that we're just given away that should be going to the American people I think like change my mind if I'm wrong you know what I'm saying but like let me know what I'm missing about that. Like why don't we have a trillion dollars so kids can have free lunch like we're the greatest country in the world kids can't go to school and eat but they gotta go to school. You know what I'm saying? Yeah like I I I just I don't understand. You know what I'm saying? Like it just doesn't make sense to me. And then like especially in America like we have this you're either poor enough to reach to get all the uh benefits of things or you're rich enough to where you don't need them but most of America probably lives in like the middle part where like you make too much to get the benefits but you don't make enough to take care of everything that you need to take care of. So like I just don't understand how that works. Like if I'm if I if there's a real legitimate reason of why it works like that just let me know you know so I can understand. I hear you know what I'm saying let me know. Yeah if they write in and let share that with the group share that with the class okay I I just I just I don't get it I don't know why we give trillions of dollars to this country like I feel like a trillion can fix a lot of things in the United States. I I really do. If we got it to give we may not have it to give maybe that's just you know they're just throwing them numbers out you know just for hearsay sh she say you know what I'm saying but if we do got a trillion dollars to put on credit for things why isn't it going to us to Americans? I don't I I don't get it. I don't understand how that works.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

It doesn't make sense to me and none of it makes sense to me and it's gonna be somebody be like okay well we have the trade over here we got the tariffs over here in order to make whatever whatever I I'm not here for. I like it's crazy cuz um I we were talking about generations earlier and uh I feel like the generation before us they watch the news yeah um not saying that we don't watch the news because the news is crazy I read my news because I have to be able to control how much I take in yeah and I have to be able to to like hold my boundaries or like understand like you don't have to read that story. That's not in your backyard okay yeah because I've only watched the news to make sure I go outside the door that ain't no Stone Cold killer out there you know I'm saying to make sure like hey yo report okay cool cool cool you know like you gotta know you have to be a aware of what's happening you know and I think you also gotta protect your peace.

SPEAKER_05 51:19

100% there's just too much information now to not and if you take everything in headfirst you can get anxiety you can be scared you can all of that I just come to a point where like God got it. God go take care of me. Whatever happens God is gonna I'm gonna be alright. As a believer I I feel like I'm gonna be alright. I don't care what's going on in the world what's happening you know what I'm saying you know bless bless everybody in the world God protect everybody God provide for everybody God Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior like make it happen for everybody for those you got to you know I'm saying because I I I just I can't stress myself out with human back and forth emotions on things and it's safer for me and I truly believe like God's gonna show up for me regardless of what's happening in the world.

SPEAKER_01 52:13

I'm in the world but I'm not of the world you know I'm saying and I truly believe that that's real facts mic drop I think um so like for me I don't go to church regularly but I have a relationship with God relationship I I know who Jesus Christ is and and I feel like um I don't know how I would make it if I didn't have a belief in something like something in like how like and you know I'm not judging the people that don't believe in a higher power of sort um but to have to muddle through this world out here without having like alright Lord we walk in it like you know we can get through this Lord hold me save me you know I don't know it's wild time I can imagine.

SPEAKER_05 53:05

What I'll be telling people is like if you right if there is no God and Jesus is fake and all of this it doesn't exist doesn't matter we're all good who cares we'll come back or whatever you believe in. You know what I'm saying? We'll do it again. Won't matter but if I'm right you living like there's no consequences and you doing things like there's no consequences to what's going on and don't get me wrong it's not saying I don't sin, I don't make mistakes I do. You know what I'm saying? I do. We human we I do but it's a difference between making mistakes and feeling bad about your mistakes and repenting for your mistakes and or or making mistakes and doing bad and like ah oh well and not caring. Like yo it's a big difference.

SPEAKER_01 53:57

It's crazy because uh as I've been mentioning through this whole sh through this whole show uh I've been watching snowfall and so you know I'm telling you everybody gonna be watching it again like I know I'm late to the I'm late to the um to the you know I'm late to the stage but it's hoe um and so I I just think about like all the killing and I know this happens in real life um I just haven't been exposed to it in my life you know and um just watching it happen because it's all you know it's all happening in front of your eyes um it's it's wild to just see how Frank spoiler alert how um Franklin um just flat out killed Mel's dad like I get it you know I understood but it's like damn you look you living with that on your conscience like your neighbor your next door neighbor and it was in her face yeah and I'm like yo I don't know that I could like just like just outright like that like if I don't take somebody out then they didn't mess with my kid and listen something y'all gonna know like y'all go fund me.

SPEAKER_05 55:06

Yeah it's a reason for it ain't just I mean I guess you could say he had his reasons too but you know I mean yeah that's why I'm that's not why I was never uh able to be a drug dealer you know I'm saying I'm not uh I'm not cut from that cloth I can't do it listen I'm trying to tell you on multiple levels on all the things I just multiple I wasn't cut like that yeah okay multiple reasons um emailer we totally forgot about you I'm sorry uh no but the but the long story short is understand what's happening with her yes I think to see what's going on with her I feel like a lot of times moms women we go through some things we you know she might be struggling with a you know I said drugs but it could be postpartum depression postpartum anxiety she could be going through something and she was like you know what bro like you know little Billy admires you loves you can you take care of him for a second now granted that needs to be communicated brother probably don't know how long yeah so he ain't told his wife yet yeah yeah but because that's what dudes do sometimes they hold hold on to something they don't they don't lie they just they tell it need to know basis that's all you know okay and and also though maybe he's trying to protect the um like confidentiality of his sister you know like I do understand like well as I said I ain't married but no when you married you tell your spouse everything even the things that she's supposed to say now your spouse is supposed to know that this doesn't leave between us but you do tell them everything because Okay yeah if you for clarifying yeah if you tell your married friend something they husband though it's just that's just how it goes he may not care you know I'm saying he may not care but he's gonna embellish her her thoughts in that moment and then after that be like remember I told you such such no I I I I don't remember no what happened again but yeah for sure she slept with that dude and she had got pregnant I all went and um had to go getting her an abortion yeah the husband or the wife knows whatever you told a married couple the husband if they if they good with each other that they if they locked in how they supposed to be the other person know fair enough now it the secret is still be between should be between them two but but they know they definitely know it's funny because one of my good friends uh I am close with um you know I mean she's my friend and then her boyfriend I'm like just put him on the phone too I'm gonna tell both y'all like oh it's then like if I ever tell her something where he uh he not actually like you know I'm gonna tell on you and I'm like all right just just tell him you know whatever but yeah he's cool hilarious hilarious but let us know uh what happened if there's uh any extra details that you didn't give because you didn't know either let us know and then we'll make sure we'll get Val back on here to uh respond for you um we'll go ahead and end the podcast there uh give them your hit ups let them know where they can find you anything you want to promote let them know awesome so it's your girl Valer B I honestly um I am trying to transition away from social so I don't even really have a hit up okay and also um I separate work and fun so if you find me you find me if you know me you know me it's cool facts facts facts don't hit her up don't hit her up don't hit her up I am your host five you can catch me at notorious underscore b-i-g underscore e podcast tick tock at copacetic hour podcast instagram copacetic hour podcast youtube the copacetic hour watch those videos y'all want to see how good Val looks Val has two things on her that are like they like men you men y'all like them you ain't gonna see them on this video but you'll you'll if you see her in person you'll like them okay you'll like them oh my God okay just a joke guys sorry Lord that was yeah I went back I went back it's funny they can't my old ways Lord they can't hit me up yeah so listen if if that person finds me that means that they was like hey yo I want to know find her snap all right um and as always please walk by faith protect your peace secure your wealth and define your destiny this is the copacetic our people peace you're tuning in to the Copa Seticalist the Copa Setis why don't you just chill why don't you just chill