Dear TCH: Cheating & The Police

Episode: 210

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This week on The Copacetic Hour, the crew is back with another classic check-in episode. We dive into things we genuinely miss from childhood, how things just aren’t the same. 

We also dive into two “Dear TCH” emails this week. One listener asks a controversial question: Is cheating still wrong if the other person never finds out? The conversation gets honest fast as we unpack how they’re actually feeling.

Then we switch gears into a deeper discussion after hearing from a father who shares his experience being pulled over by police with his children in the car , and the difficult balance between protecting your kids, staying calm, and explaining harsh realities without taking away their innocence.

Tune in this one of those episodes everyone will have an opinion about!

Featuring:

@DQ_11
@Drumm3rboy33

Copacetic Apparel
https://teamtch.square.site/

@Thecopacetichour 
@Notorious_big_e

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Yes, this is the Copacetic Hour. Copacetic is determining everything is fine, cool, and in excellent order. This podcast is an area for open discussion, but not for the weak hearted nor the simple-minded. And although we may not always agree, we will always exemplify respect. But at the same time, nobody, and I do mean nobody, is exempt from getting these jokes. Everything is copacetic. Yes, the copacetic. So today's Why Don't You Chill Icebreaker is what's something from your childhood that you wish never went away?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

What's good, world? It's DQ. Um happy to be back with my dog, man. Um as far as your icebreaker question, it was something from my childhood that I wish never went away. To be honest, man, I got a whole list of things, bro. So I don't know if y'all want the long, the long version. Give me give me the top three.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Give me the top three.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

I'm gonna give you a couple of them. So I'm gonna say, like. Just being outside, right? You know what I'm saying? How many times, when the last time you looked outside you saw kids playing?

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Bro, in my complex, be out there playing. It's amazing, bro.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Now here, do not play. Every kid is in the house on a tablet.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

They be playing football and everything. They was playing football in the snow.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

I'm talking about playing. I ain't seen no kids outside playing football. We used to be outside playing tag. We used to uh we used to do nigger knocking, hitting the ringing the doorbells or hitting on the doors and taking all running.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah, Dean Dog Ditch.

SPEAKER_07 2:14

He said, hey, we're about to cancel you first five minutes.

SPEAKER_06 2:19

Sheesh. Hey, hey, nigga knocking crazy.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

She would have, man. Uh we used to we used to open the fire hydrants. We didn't have pools, so we used to have a little water hole and shit. I'm trying to mess a whole bunch, man. I'm scared to say anything.

unknown 2:41

Okay, yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_07 2:42

So yeah, yeah, I got you. I got you.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Yeah, I feel you on the um kids going outside and stuff. Yeah. Exhibit.

unknown 2:52

I feel you on that.

SPEAKER_06 2:57

I feel you on that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 3:00

I'm Jordan, as you can. Well, for your audio only, most me. For the visual people, it's right here. But um, for me, the thing that I miss the most, well, key is the when Pizza Hut used to have the inside dining where everybody used to go. And that used to be the spot on the weekends, bro.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Facts.

SPEAKER_07 3:21

Facts. That and um Blockbuster, bro. That and Blockbuster. I feel like Blockbuster should have done what Netflix did. You know what I'm saying? Like that should still be a brand.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

So I wasn't gonna agree with you, but I just thought about how I do agree with you. It would be dope to still be able to rent a game for a weekend or two weekends in a row and then take it back. Like that would be fire.

SPEAKER_07 3:52

Alright, we don't mean Game Pass Blockbuster. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Five, six months. So, fun fact, I worked at Blockbuster for two years.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

And actually, I worked at Blockbuster and until they closed out. DQ was stealing them games. You know he did. Hey, no, y'all were stealing them games. That's why we got closed now.

SPEAKER_07 4:17

Man, you got me. Yeah, got me.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

I'm gonna tell you what what what ran Blockbuster was, though. It was it was Redbox, man.

SPEAKER_07 4:25

Redbox. Oh yeah, I forgot about Redbox. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Redbox then uh what then you know Netflix had took over Redbox. They bought it.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Yeah, it was over at the box.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Why do you think Netflix? I mean, why do you think Redbox took over Blockbuster?

SPEAKER_07 4:40

It's basically the same kind of but it's not uh the dollar was the thing, but Redbox, Redbox uh evolved though, because they went from where you could pretty much get them anywhere. It was like outside of CVS's and stuff. Yeah. But from there, they I think they started transitioning to the digital platform too. And I think that's when Netflix took them over, but they was already headed that way.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Yeah, yeah, you're right. And you gotta you gotta think too, bro. Like Netflix was a traditional business. So they closing that. I mean, Redbox, I mean, I'm sorry, Blockbuster closing like that eight, nine o'clock at night.

SPEAKER_06 5:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Them red boxes at one o'clock in the morning with something. Y'all want to have a little movie night, you should be there. You feel me?

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Facts. That's a good point. Yeah, it's 24 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point. Yo, and I am your host, five. We want to give a shout out to our new locations this week. Uh, Jerez de La Frontiera Cadiz. Shout out to you, shout out to Victoria, British Columbia, shout out to North York, North York, Ontario, and shout out to West Hills, California. Keep listening to the podcast. We love you, we appreciate you. We couldn't have the Copacetic hour without you. So for me, what I miss about my childhood is gas prices being so low. Gas prices are so high right now, it is freaking ridiculous. Yesterday it was like 75 degrees here. I got in the car. I had to make I had to make some I had some errands I had to run, but it was so nice outside. I just remember like in high school, for me, middle school, because I was taking the car at like 12. But I just remember getting in the car, blasting the music, and just hitting some laps around the city, like just just vibing, listening to music. You can't do that now. Like you can, but I can't. I'm not in a position to just hit laps around the city and just waste the gas. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_07 7:11

I think we should part.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Right? You know what I'm saying? Like, I was thinking that yesterday, like, man, dawg, it'd be so fire right now just to just cruise, cruise around listening to RB, just chilling, listening to old rap. Because I don't be listening to the new music. Every now and again, a new song will catch my my radar, but I'll be listening to the old raps. That's what I want to listen to when I'm hitting in the car. And I was like, man, people like kids aren't gonna have that experience. That was a great experience. Pulling up all the girls walking around and just in the whip, bumping music, like that was a great experience growing up. And they won't have that. Because gas is just entirely too much. It's a bill to have a car as far as the gas tank, on top of the other things that come with a car.

SPEAKER_06 8:14

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

You know what I'm saying? You just can't, you can't do like certain stuff from my childhood that's like great experiences. Like he talked about going outside. You know what I'm saying? Like, you just can't do those things anymore because they're just not economically a thing anymore. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 8:32

It becomes challenging too, man, because it's like I think this is like the first time ever that I had to really like calculate gas. Like as far as like financing and uh coming up with a budget. Like I never really even thought about it. You know what I'm saying? Because it's something that we we gotta we gotta get gas. What we gonna do? Walk, you know what I'm saying? So we gotta get our gas, but it was never one of those things that I have to put a lot of like thought into as far as calculate when it comes to like budgeting.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

Yeah, like you can't make any unnecessary trips right now.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

It's over. I love I I love driving and vibe and list this most with RBC. What?

SPEAKER_07 9:09

Uh-huh. Light drivers be the best.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Bro, I miss. Remember, I used to have the sounds in, I used to have them 212s in my car. Like, I miss that. Like, that's unnecessary now. I'm not going driving with two twelves booming in the back.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

I think the worst thing about it is that one, you're seeing people drive less, but think of all these people that that got these newer vehicles who pay six, seven hundred dollars a month for a car note. And and they barely even driving. You know what I'm saying? What? You barely enjoying it. It's a it's a terrible investment right now to have a vehicle.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Bro, I just paid my car off like two months ago. I was like, in hindsight now, like, man, I'm thank God. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because yeah, the gas is crazy, bro. And then they talk about I don't know if this is true or not, but they talk about with the newer cars that's coming out, like you gotta they got some type of radar in the newer cars that won't allow you to drive your car if something's going on. Like, or you and you gotta pay a uh like Apple tax, you know, Apple charge you for music, you gotta pay something for your car every month.

SPEAKER_07 10:24

A subscription fee for your for your whip.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 10:30

That's what the car note is.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

No, what the car note is like I was like, what? Like this stuff is getting crazy. So now, like, and then not even thinking, like, okay, like let's say, well, technically we are in a war right now, right? Um, some cybersecurity thing, and they just shut everybody's car off. They computer chip everybody's car. Now you can't go nowhere. None of the cars work.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Don't get an electric vehicle. Y'all see that movie?

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Which movie?

SPEAKER_01 11:00

All the electric videos got the all the electric vehicles got the crash. It was a movie on Netflix about the world ending.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

I ain't seen that.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

And it was some type of cyber attack, and it was making all the electric videos just crash and just like. Man, this was a popular movie, man. They don't even play, I don't even play that. I'm gonna find a movie because it was it was a real popular movie.

SPEAKER_06 11:24

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

But no, I kind of go to your point as far as just uh, especially with like a lot of this new technology.

unknown 11:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

I mean, because at the end of the day, man, we really don't know. We really don't know what's going on. They they already know what they're trying to do. You know what I mean? I think.

SPEAKER_06 11:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Um when you kind of position us, it's it's kinda like guys. If they want, bro, guys can be $8 tomorrow. What are we gonna do? Besides besides pay it. You see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 11:47

I ain't paying it unless I got somewhere to go.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

I mean, but you for you to get there, you're gonna have to put some guys in your shit.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

No choice. That's why I mean, we really might have to invest me a little moped or something. You know what I'm saying? A little e-bike.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

But like some things we just have the mercy of uh of whatever agenda that they're trying to run. You know what I mean? Unfortunately, gas is just it's one of those things, man. I I thank God that uh even being here in Texas, man, our gas is not as high as some other states.

SPEAKER_06 12:19

What's y'all gas?

SPEAKER_01 12:20

We like at 380. What?

SPEAKER_07 12:25

It's a blessing living here.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

I talked to my mom earlier, she said she got gas for 488 today. Bro, 499.

SPEAKER_07 12:33

That's what we're paying for premium out here.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Yeah.

unknown 12:36

Sheesh.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

I got my car run on that little that E85. I had to put it in one time. It ran just fine. But somebody told me don't be putting E85 in your car. It can mess your engine up. Even if it says your car can't run off of it, it can mess your engine up. So now I gotta do some research to make sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Whatever they doing, whatever they're doing, this gas is running out a little too fast.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Bro, I'm telling you, the what the gas the regular gas is watered down now, bro. Real tough.

SPEAKER_07 13:07

They do have different um uh a government don't come looking for me, but they do have different mixtures they use for the summer and the winter. So if you ever notice, like in the summer, your gas lasts a little bit longer in the winter and don't. Just because they be mixing it up. Bro, I'm telling you, they they change up the formulas on you. It's just they don't they be cutting the product on you. People just don't notice it.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Oh, because people know most people are not driving as much in the wintertime.

SPEAKER_06 13:37

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

Dang, I never even thought about that. Low-key, I guess that's smart. Low key. Dang. Oh, that's terrible. This week's episode is sponsored by the Design Lab at Shutter Shock and Co. From logos and business cards to invitations and custom tees, the design lab is your one-stop shop for graphics. The design lab is the sole creator for Copa Setic merchandise available now. Use your promo code Copacetic for 10% off your Copacetic merchandise. Shop now using the link in our bio. Dear TCH, I already know y'all about to cook me for this one, but I need some real unfiltered advice. Why is cheating so wrong if the other person never finds out? Hear me out. I'm at a point where I feel like I want both. I want my woman, but I also want side chicks. And it's not like I don't love my girl, because I do. She holds me down in real ways, handles business, makes sure things are straight, looks out for my family, and she's loyal and honest. But that comes with expectations. It's like with her, there's expectations and standards, but there's an attitude that comes with that as well. And I get it, but it's annoying at times and feels ungrateful. Now, on the flip side of that, these other women have a completely different vibe. They treat me like I'm a prize, like I can do no wrong. They're down for whatever, whenever, no pushback, no expectations. And if I'm being real, that feels addictive. It's like I get to just exist and be appreciated without having to earn it every day. But at the same time, I know I wouldn't trust them with real life stuff. I wouldn't want them handling my business, being around my family like that, or building something serious. They're fun, but they're not a foundation. So now I'm stuck because both sides have pros and cons. My girl is stability, structure, and real love, but comes with expectations and a feeling of being unwanted. The side chicks are easy, exciting, and ego boosting, but not something I'd build my life with. At least that's not something someone showed me yet. So I'm trying to figure out why is it considered so wrong if I'm technically keeping both worlds separate and nobody's getting hurt, at least from what they know. Am I trying to justify something that's foul? Or is it just how men are wired and nobody wants to say it out loud? Dear Copaceticauer, please help. Ooh, that's deep, flow key. I didn't think it was gonna be like Yeah, that's deep. It was thoughtful and inciting, actually. You know what I'm saying? I feel like that's the that's I feel like that's the uh bro.

SPEAKER_07 17:37

What all this nigga did was put some parsley on the cheating, bro. That's it. That's it, bro.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Oh, it was so deep.

SPEAKER_05 17:51

Nah, bro. Oh, snap.

SPEAKER_02 17:56

That was funny, man. Joe, you gotta be here more often.

SPEAKER_07 18:03

I ain't gonna lie. You just wanna be poly, bro. That's it. Just be poly.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Man, let me stop, man.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

Oh man, that is funny.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Oh man. Yeah, he decorated that one up.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Hey, brother, I'm gonna say you shouldn't be out here cheating. You know what I'm saying? That's not a good thing. You shouldn't do it. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 18:26

Or you can just get your game tight, get you a girl that like girls, and then y'all can do it together. Easier said than done, but.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

No, I think he just needs a whole new girl because it's like, it's one thing to cheat, but it's like he he's craving something that's that's more than sexual. Because he's not nothing nothing in the question that he described, he just wanna have sex with somebody. And I feel like some men, some men, of course, they they just undisciplined and they just hyper sexual beings, they just want to have sex with somebody.

SPEAKER_06 18:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

But he framed his question as if he's missing something from this girl, right? And whatever he's missing, he's trying to he's trying to get fulfilled by this new person, and it's just not sexual. So you got some serious things you need to kinda figure out with your girl. And if if she's not fulfilling those needs, then and y'all can't kinda come to a compromise, and then maybe Tana just, you know, to end a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

But Yeah, I I agree with that because he used the word ego boosting. Like we don't talk like that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

No, especially when it comes to Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 19:26

And then you were saying that he didn't feel like desired at home, he don't feel right loved and appreciated. Like that's a problem.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

That's it. That's what I'm saying. So it's like the it's it's more than it's more than just he just wanna have sex with somebody. He he's he he wants a partner, he wants somebody to make him feel well. He essentially wants a whole new girl. And he won or he wants his girl at home to fulfill those things that he's asking for. But it sounds like his girl at home, the way he's describing it, is that they have more of a transactional relationship where he has to do something to get what he wants. And I mean, if you live in all transactions with your woman, it'll never work. So I think um I think he he better off just ending that relationship. To be fair.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

And I think you need to you didn't say this, but if you haven't had that conversation with your girl, like how you feel that's that's tough, right? Because depending on the girl, you a punk. You soft, you acting like a woman. Or a B word, you know what I'm saying? Or that or that gets thrown in your face later. You know what I'm saying? That's that's uh that's tough for men to like we say it on here because I think because we're older, we're more mature, you know what I'm saying? We don't have a problem. Well, why just be a B word then? You know what I'm saying? But this is how I feel. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_07 20:50

But also, too, though, to uh DQ point, like uh with this, it's like bro, I feel like one thing it seems these days is just that people are falling the relationships more based out of necessity than than want and love for real these days. Like they see them bills, they see, you know, like we just talking about gas, all of that. It's like they see all that like, man, cohabitation is nice. Splitting the rent, having somebody pay for me is nice. So it's easy to fall into one of those uh transactional relationships. Like you say, you gotta be, it's just discernment, man. Discernment. Are y'all there for each other? Because if that's the case, y'all need to both turn around, look at each other, and figure it out. But if she there looking for a daddy, then Yeah. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

I just think as a society, man, we've grown to this whole state, and I you touched on a little bit, Jordan, as far as necessity. And I think a lot of that is also just feeling like you just have to have somebody there. People are scared to be alone these days. You know what I mean? I don't know what it is, and honestly, I think and I I could be s going far left with this, but I think a lot of this started after. The pandemic when we were kind of closed in. That was the first time a lot of us had to be next to our person. You know what I'm saying? That was the last time that well, like we were forced to kind of be in one place and just figure it out with somebody. And I think ever since then we just never transitioned to what life was like before that. So now you see a lot of people, they're keeping people around that they don't even necessarily want to be with or necessarily love or have all these other underlying issues with, but they're doing it just because it's just the it's the norm. It became the norm.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

It's not even the norm. You gotta do it.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Rent, gas, economically, economically, you gotta do it.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Yeah, it don't make sense to not do it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 22:42

But with that, it's it's creating a lot of broken homes, too, though, because it's like some of these people, they just they really don't want to be with each other. They just can't get it right. But economically, it just makes the most sense. So man, especially, bro, it's a it's a it's a tough position to be in. Um, but I think seeking somebody else, it's never gonna get the answer that you're looking for. And it's sounded like that's what he's trying to do. You know what I mean? Yeah, we just gotta learn and just be alone. If that means downsizing, downsizing your lifestyle, you gotta do it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 23:16

That's the thing. You you can't even really downsize your lifestyle, bro.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Yeah, you're right. You I mean it it'd be it'd be tough. It'd be tough.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

You gotta get like a roommate. Like live with another dude.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

But at the end of the day, on the flip side, you could be laying in the same bed next to somebody that that that you're miserable with.

SPEAKER_06 23:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

And then, and then if you end up cheating and get caught, then then she's gonna force your hand. Then you're gonna be forced to downsize your life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So it's just like make that make that decision yourself. You know what I'm saying? Figure out what that looks like for you downsizing your life. But it's like, man, at the end of the day, dog, it there are certain things that a man needs, there are certain things that a woman needs. And if you're laying up with somebody and your cup is not being filled with that person, and you have put in the effort to have those have those conversations, uh, seek counsel, do whatever you gotta do to kind of make it work, and it still don't work, it's time for you to just move on, my boy. Because you get those, you getting those, you get he he he he's getting those microwave results by just going and be with another woman for a couple hours. Right.

SPEAKER_05 24:27

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Get that quick and get that quick positive reinforcement that I'm not getting at home, and then I go back home and I'm miserable for a week. You know what I mean? So it's tough.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

That's steep. Yeah, because I I think I agree with DQ. Like he, it's more than just sex. It's more than just the typical, at least it sounded like more than just a typical, like, I just want to get my rocks off for, you know, other than my woman. She's not fulfilling me sexual needs. He didn't even say she wasn't fulfilling him sexual needs. He said she makes him. It was all emotional. You know what I'm saying? She said she she makes him feel like like little. Yeah. And she don't appreciate what he does.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

She don't make him feel good as a man. You know what I'm saying? And unless, unless it's a transaction behind it. You see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_06 25:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

So it's just like, I think that right there, that that becomes an issue. But man, right now, we really live in a transactional society when it comes to relationships. Man, you you turn on any type of social media, I don't care what page you go to, it's always, every single day, man versus woman debate. You know what I mean? So it's just like, man, they're they're they're they're destroying they're destroying relationships right in our eyes. And we're not doing nothing about it but falling into the trap. You know what I mean? So it's just and it's just creating so many it's creating so many vocal relationships because on online it tells you things should look like this. And a lot a lot of times these people behind these pages are miserable themselves.

SPEAKER_06 25:57

Facts.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

You know what I mean? Or they unmarried, or they don't even, they've never been married. You know what I'm saying? They're telling everybody how to fight.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

I didn't already came to the conclusion. This is a recent epiphany for me. I'm not having married conversations with people who aren't married anymore.

SPEAKER_07 26:12

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

They they uh it's not that people can't people like single people have their own idea of what marriage should be like, right? And you can be correct until a point, right? But what does it factor in because they um single people don't have the experience is that when you get married, and this is because I've experienced this and I and I've you talked to other couples, like marriage was something created by God, right? So when you get married, like your marriage is attacked. There's a spiritual warfare on your marriage when you get married, whether you realize it or not. It may be it could be like in my situation with uh medical stuff, it could be uh cheating, it could be financial, it could be um whatever. It could be your in-laws, something. There's a spiritual warfare that comes along when you get married. And if you haven't been married before or married now, that's not something that you you can fathom because you you don't know where it's gonna come or how it's gonna come and where it's gonna come from. It's crazy. And think about it, and I just had this epiphany the other day, like this is something recent that like hit my brain. Like, you can't talk about certain stuff with people who aren't married because they don't understand like what happens when you get married. And I was like, I never thought about it like that. I never thought about it.

SPEAKER_07 27:47

Yeah, so that's somebody gonna give you directions to somewhere they've never been, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Right, and honestly, and and I think I think that that even goes for for newly married people too, man. I just I mean you you said the key word that you that you said was just the experiences. Yeah. And a lot of times people that that's married, they don't they don't necessarily get those same experiences right after the I do's. You know what I'm saying? Right.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

What what I thought when I listened to the old podcast, what I thought I knew about marriage is way different than what I know about marriage now. And it's only been five, six years.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

It's because of but thinking about all the experience, all the different experiences you had over the last five years. You know what I'm saying? Those things change. And I think also that's why a lot of uh I think that's why a lot of people get divorces too, because they come into it thinking that it's supposed to be one way. And they're one prepared for for the for the ebbs and flows of a marriage.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

It's crazy, bro.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Yeah. No, that's real though, bro.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

Like um, like we all been single. Everybody been single, everybody been boyfriend, girlfriend. Hopefully, you know, I feel bad for you if you've never had a boyfriend, girlfriend. That sounds terrible. Um or been in a relationship, but like that's something like we all can speak to. You know what I'm saying? We may not can't speak to you know how it is now, because obviously things have changed because people are different. Boy, let me tell you, people are different these days, but general generalizing things, that's something everybody can speak to.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

This is the closest chill.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

So we're jumping into a new email, doing something different. It's a check-in episode. Well, you know, check-in episodes don't usually have a similar, don't have a topic per se, but we're gonna jump into another email and give our thoughts on this next email. Um Hey, team TCH. I had a moment the other day that's been sitting heavy on me, and I need some guidance on how to handle this the right way. I got pulled over by the police, and my kids were in the backseat. They were they were being kids, talking loud, asking a million questions, like what's the officer doing? Are we in trouble? Is he our friend? Just innocent stuff. But I'm not gonna lie, I snapped. I turned around and told them to be quiet, sit still, don't move, and don't say anything. My tone was serious and probably a little scary to them. In that moment, I wasn't thinking about feelings, I was thinking about making sure everything went smoothly. And thankfully it did. But afterward, it hit me. My child is still at that age where she believes the police are her friend no matter what. She doesn't understand the reality, the risk, or how certain situations can go left depending on who you are. And as a black parent, that's something I'm always aware of, even if I don't want to be. Now I'm stuck trying to figure out how do I handle this moving forward. How do I be honest with her about the world we live in without putting fear in her heart? How do I explain that yes, police are supposed to help people, but also teach her that she needs to be careful, respectful, and aware in those situations? I don't want to take away her innocence too early, but I also don't want her unprepared. And I feel bad because in that moment, instead of explaining, I just shut her down. So now I'm asking, how do I have the conversation in the right way? What do I say and how much is too much at her age? She's eight, by the way. I appreciate y'all, dear Copacetic hour. Please help. I don't know. Honestly, that is Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 32:31

I do feel like it would be very hypocritical of me to go ahead and give him uh advice after what we just said about the marriage thing. Because I ain't got no kids, you know. Uh but I'd say from my perspective, being a kid, uh having that conversation with my mom.

SPEAKER_06 32:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 32:51

I'll say um the way she handled it was like she sat us down and just had a like a real conversation with us, letting us know like this is what it is. This is how you should act when you get pulled over, like, hands here, be visible, this is snap. Where it doesn't have to be like a a fear-based thing. It could just be like real with your kid, open it up, allow them to ask questions and be curious. Um I think it's all about just how you handle it because I appreciate that conversation for my mom, and I feel like it helped me out in the long run.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

How old were you though when that happened?

SPEAKER_07 33:30

I'm saying I was probably about the same age.

SPEAKER_02 33:33

Because I don't recall my parents having like a police conversation with me growing up. I just something I feel like I just yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

I mean, it's it's different. It's different with today's kids, right? Um I think a lot of that has to do with our access to media and actually seeing these different stories being broadcast across the world. Back when we were coming up, if something happened, unless it was like a a big riot or something, nine times out of ten, it wasn't being blasted on the news and we could find it on social media, right? So I think it is appropriate to have those conversations. But as a parent, you also have a responsibility to allow a kid the space to be a kid, as long as the kid can be a kid, right? Um, while still preparing them for these real life situations. And I think the way he handled that, um, it sounded like it was a trauma response from him, but you gotta be careful though, because if you keep responding like that in a in a traumatic way, especially around your kids, then you start to develop vicarious trauma. And your kids start to pick up on your trauma and they respond by that. And we also gotta refrain from looking at from using things like the police. The police is a very blanket statement, right?

SPEAKER_06 34:47

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

So police, you can't say all police are bad. That's a that's a blanket statement.

SPEAKER_06 34:52

It's not true. Some people are bad.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Yeah, it's not true either. So some people are bad, some people are just not good people, and I think the lesson is that the lesson in that is um you have to teach your your children that just everybody doesn't have the same positive intentions. You know what I'm saying? Everybody doesn't have positive intentions. Some people are just bad people. It's not all police are bad people, it's not all, you know what I'm saying, all any type of first responders are bad people, but the way you respond to that to like any type of traumatic situation or any crisis, like you're essentially teaching your kids how to respond by that, right? Um so I think the big thing is just making sure you can create a space even after that incident where you can talk to them about it. And I think the message is that all police are not bad people, you know what I'm saying? Some some people are just bad people. Um some of them can wear police uniforms, but all police are not bad people. Um but I also feel like man when you when you get exposed to so much and kids seeing so much on social media, a lot of times they are left to believe that all police are bad people. You know what I mean? So you just gotta just be in your kids' life, be in your kids' business. It's the big thing. Stay in their business, most of and try to help, you know what I'm saying, frame their mind to not think like that.

SPEAKER_06 36:08

Facts.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

That's tough. How how would you handle that though? Like if you if you responded like that in the situation.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Me personally, I probably would have responded just like that dad did, depending on how the the energy the police officer was giving off.

unknown 36:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

That's a big that's a big uh uh factor in the matter. Like if the police is hostile all of a sudden for no reason, roll the windows down so he can see I got my kids in the back. Um see I give them my stuff once they walk away. Sometimes you I'm sorry, like you gotta cut in the kids. They don't be knowing when stuff is serious and when stuff ain't serious sometimes. So but I I feel I feel like his initial reaction was probably trauma baited, depending on how the officer responded, all the energy the officer gave off. But in that moment, I don't think he's wrong because he's trying to protect his kids. And he knows, and if depending on your kid, you know your kid is like silly, happy-go lucky, you know what I'm saying? And this officer may not be happy go lucky in this moment.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

But I challenge you, I challenge you, what are you protecting your kids from being in that situation?

SPEAKER_02 37:26

From being a kid.

SPEAKER_01 37:27

You see what I'm saying? That's why I said you gotta be careful because you're you're you're trying to protect the kid from being something in their natural right at eight years old, which is a kid.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Unfortunately, that's one of the issues of being black in in the world. Like it's some stuff you just can't do. It's it's messed up.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

It's something you it's certain things that you that that should be a non-negotiable. And I know that if I'm dealing with a hostile officer, I'm not going to match that officer's energy if I know my kids are in a vehicle, right? Because that could escalate to something even worse. Now, if it's just me and the officer, maybe I do get a little buck with that kid. So I think that's where you protect your kids at when it comes to the safety piece. But protecting the kid from being a kid, that that that carries on to other situations. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 38:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

And now you're talking about an eight-year-old kid who's who's always feeling like they have to have the sense of this, I can't be a kid no more. Because of this one traumatic situation. So I think a lot of it has to do with the adults, which is a dad, is just being able to respond the right way. Now, again, that that conversation with the officer sounds sounds and looks a lot different if my kid's not in the car.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

That's what I'm saying though, because your kids are in the car, let's say the officer was hostile, well, he gave off the hostile energy in initially, right? You're thinking calm. I need my kid to be quiet and don't say nothing. Because this officer tripping. It's not like we all haven't had experience that the officer was just tripping for no reason. You know what I'm saying? So to me, if I'm a father, I'm feeling like I'm protecting my kid in this moment. Damn they innocence at the time. I wanted them to have an innocence later.

SPEAKER_07 39:17

But I feel like that's why that pre-teaching is important. So you're not trying to teach them how to act in the middle of a high stress situation.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

I agree with that, Jordan.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

I was just about to say that, bro. That's good. Yeah. I was just about to say that. Um something, bro, it's it's just it's just, I mean, think think back to when we were in school. What we used to do once a month, we used to have to do fire drills, right? Yeah. Right. You do fire drills as a preteacher, so you're not panicking whenever a real fire happens. And it's it's the same thing with interactions with with law enforcement. You know what I mean? You have to have those preteachers and those lessons. And if you haven't had that lesson with a nine-year-old, then you you way behind. Like you were you're way behind. You know what I mean? So I think a lot of that has to do with that, but I mean you you're right though. I mean, but you you gotta protect your kid um and just just assess the situation. But I'm not stripping my kid. I'm not stripping my kid of their natural right in a situation where um unless it has to do with their safety.

SPEAKER_02 40:18

But that's what it was though. To him.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

To me, it sounded like it was more so a trauma response from him, because he thought that.

SPEAKER_06 40:24

Yeah. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

So that's the only reason I said like you don't wanna you don't want to inflict your trauma on your kids, then they they they live vicariously through you with trauma. So now every time they have inter for the police and you're not there, what they gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 40:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

You know what I mean? So be careful with that.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

So I agree. I I feel like because he didn't tell us the officers' reaction, so yeah, I'm I'm agree with that. It feels like a trauma response for you. For him.

SPEAKER_07 40:51

And that's why I think uh in the conversations we used to have, it was never about how the officers themselves were. It was just like baseline how do you conduct yourself when you get into a traffic stop. You know what I'm saying? So it's not about whether you run into a hostile situation or not. It's all right, hey, you get pulled over, you got everybody be quiet, we turn the music down, you know, put your uh license registration on the dash. So when the cop comes up, you're not reaching for nothing unnecessarily. You know what I mean? Like little stuff like that, where it's just you know the rules of the trade, the tricks, so you know it never gets to that point.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

No, that's real. That's real. And I think a lot of that has to do, um, like you said, just that pre-teaching. Um, but also, man, like like I mean, I think the biggest thing in this dog is it's never feeling like these things won't ever happen. You know what I'm saying? Like prepare as if all these always think about worst-case scenario, especially with some kids, man. That was some one of the first things that my mom sat down with me when I uh first got my license. Um is just how to how to respond as far as what I can control. Because you can't control with this officer. You can't control anything. He could be having the worst day in the world, and he just so happened to pick you up and he wanna let he want to let all this frustration out on you. I can't control that. Oh I can control how I respond.

SPEAKER_02 42:12

I've been there.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 42:14

So facts.

SPEAKER_01 42:15

But I know what I can control is this, you know what I'm saying, my temperament, um, my my tone, you know what I'm saying, my aggression level. I can control all those things in there. How however he responds, he'll respond. Thank God, you know what I'm saying, they they they they they have the law that cops gotta have the body camps, but uh it does provide a layer of uh of uh support for us, but we gotta just be careful. We gotta be careful, man, because I I I see a lot of parents and and I'm only saying this because I I mean I work with kids, right? I've been doing this for almost fifteen years. And a lot of the issues that I do see with kids are directly are I mean, honestly, direct impacts from their parents. It's a direct impact a parent and how they respond to certain things. And I see it in their kid. I could I could see a six-year-old kid and I could just observe a kid for 30 minutes, and I could tell you everything about that parent without even meeting that parent. You know what I mean? So it's just like we gotta be careful with uh just how we how how what are we doing to prepare our kid.

SPEAKER_07 43:16

Yeah. And I think just for the reader or the listener, um it's just three things you just always want to keep in mind in any stressful situation, always prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and above all else, don't panic.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

Don't panic. Shit. You are watching a master at work. Hey, that boy good. That boy good.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

Yeah, that's good, cause uh Yeah, it I gotta be I've been like I remember one time I got pulled over and six cars pulled on me. They all got their guns out. They telling me to put my hands out the car. Or we gonna shoot. And I'm like, what did I I for one, I'm wondering, what did I do? I literally had just got off work and then come to find out my tail light was out. Right?

SPEAKER_07 44:14

Sound like some case.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

Definitely was. And I was like, they're about to kill me over a tail light. Goodness gracious. You know what I'm saying? So we depending on you, we don't know where trauma he got. Maybe he got some stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? That like freaked me out for like the next like maybe week or so, honestly. You know what I'm saying? They was trying to put me in the back of the car. Couldn't get in the back of the car. It was too big. I was like, yeah, I'm trying. I can't get in here, guys. And I got my arms behind my back. Like, I have nothing to put myself in here with. You know what I'm saying? You laugh on camera, Jordan. It's fine.

SPEAKER_07 45:07

I was about to start. Never mind. Never mind.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

So like it's funny now because I survived it, but like that kind of gave me a little trauma, low-key. You know what I'm saying? I didn't do anything. I mean, I didn't know. I kid you not, but it wasn't worth all that though. Goodness gracious.

SPEAKER_07 45:28

Mm-hmm. Bro, I kid you not. I had that exact same situation on campus, too.

SPEAKER_02 45:34

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_07 45:35

Yeah, just got pulled over for literally just having to same situation, bro. Six cars. They had guns all on the car. I was like, bro, you'd have swore I was a a game pen or something.

SPEAKER_02 45:46

Like, what? Do I do drugs? Yep.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

They had me stretched out on Hartworth Street, bro. Arrested over suspended license. It's crazy. But I don't know. I think I think a lot of times, man, these people, they they create these moments because they think that you're gonna respond crazy. And the moment you respond crazy, that's when they really gonna get on your ass, bust. You know what I mean? So I say the big thing, man, is just try to stay calm, man. But at the end of the day, any sign of disrespect, I think majority of people they gonna go. You know what I'm saying? So it's just it's hard to teach that stuff in the moment. Because you can always talk about it, you can prepare. And you can go through all the motions of it, but it's so different when that when that man is knocking on your window and he's being very hostile and he or he's telling you to get out the car, he's trying to slap cuffs on you, or whatever. So it's it it hit way different. Way different.

SPEAKER_02 46:42

It feels like there's nothing I can do in the moment. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 46:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

Like you're helpless. That's what it feels like a lot of times. I'm helpless right now.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

And that's why I gotta give that's why I gotta give the um the emailer some grace. Because it's one thing to feel helpless as a man. It's a whole nother ball game when you feel helpless as a father.

unknown 47:05

Man.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

You know what I mean? It's a whole nother ball game. So it's like when you when you're in that situation and you feel like you can't protect your babies, and it's not like it's literally nothing you can do to protect your babies, so I get I get it. I get it for sure.

SPEAKER_02 47:21

Cause you for your kid, you gonna die for your kid. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 47:26

Right. 100%.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

This offer gets a trippin' like he's gonna have to kill me.

SPEAKER_01 47:30

100%. Yeah, with no hesitation. So it's tough though.

SPEAKER_07 47:35

Man, that's just tough all the way around.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

And I don't want to make it seem like all police are bad. Not all police are bad. I know good police officers. You know what I'm saying? Like really good police officers. We need police officers in the world. Like we need them. We appre we appreciate not even though we need them, we appreciate them. When they're being good people. You know what I'm saying? Just like we don't appreciate anybody else for not being a good person. There's no there's no different standard. Like, we appreciate people who are good people. So I don't want to make it seem like we're against police or we don't need police. No, we need the police. We love, we love the officers, okay? We love you guys. You know what I'm saying? So somebody try to flip my words around later in the show.

SPEAKER_07 48:27

But I will say nobody ever made a song called Fuck the Fire Department.

SPEAKER_02 48:33

And from what I hear about these old fire police people, they should have been. They should have been making plenty of songs about them.

SPEAKER_01 48:44

This boy droid dropping so many bars tonight, duh.

SPEAKER_02 48:50

Even this time leaving people to die. Like, oh, we're not going, they we don't we don't save them type of people. You know what I'm saying? So this system can be messed up. That's all I'm gonna say. System can be it can be unfair.

SPEAKER_01 49:08

It's people.

SPEAKER_02 49:09

People can be unfair.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

People can be unfair.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:12

They they they wake up as a person before they uh put their uniform on and be a police officer. Facts. Right.

SPEAKER_07 49:19

That goes back. At the end of the day, they're just trying to go to bed too.

SPEAKER_01 49:21

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 49:23

People people can be messed up.

SPEAKER_01 49:24

They gas 499 too, so they pissed off just like the rest of the world, man.

SPEAKER_07 49:33

And they gotta leave their shit running.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

That's funny. All right. So we're gonna go ahead and end the podcast there. Um give me a hit up. Let them know where they can find you, anything you want to promote, let them know.

SPEAKER_07 49:48

Follow me on uh whatever, uh drummer boy, or drummer underscore boy33. Uh hey, hit me up for anything you need. Uh insurance, financial advising, I'll do it all.

SPEAKER_02 50:01

Facts. Hit them up, hit them up, hit them up, hit them up.

SPEAKER_01 50:04

It's your boy DQ, man. This this was actually, man, a good, a good podcast, man. It's it's a different type of energy when you're doing it with like your brothers. You know what I mean? It's a different type of energy. Um I think the comfort level just shows for sure. So I appreciate y'all. Uh you find me DQ underscore on IG.

SPEAKER_02 50:24

Facts. Hit them up, hit them up, hit em up, hit 'em up. And I am your host, five. You can catch me at notorious underscore b-i-g underscore e or here at the podcast, Instagram at the Cobacetic Hour, Podcast TikTok, Cobacetic Hour, Podcast YouTube. The Cobacetic Hour season one is on YouTube. So check out if you want to see all these beautiful people's faces. Season one is all on there. Um keep buying your merchandise at www.thecobacetic hour.com. We burned off two emails, so I need some more emails. So send your emails to uh the cobacetic hour at gmail.com. And as always, please walk by faith, protect your peace, secure your wealth, and define your destiny. This is the Cobacetic Hour people.