Episode 01 - After the Sh*t Hit the Fan

After the shattering events of the play, Two and Two Together, former comic book artist, Tommy Hanson has started a romance with the love of his life, mild-mannered accountant David Sharpe — who just happens to be the ex boyfriend of Tommy's estranged sister Rachel. Tommy's new job, a visit from David's bull-in-china-shop father, and the revelation of Rachel's new man converge to try the patience of everyone involved. Based on the play Two and Two Together by Peter Cosmas Sofronas. Written, Directed, and Produced by Peter Cosmas Sofronas. Starring (in order of appearance) Dan Murray as Tommy Hanson, Adam Heroux as David Sharpe, Will Dalley as Mark Sharpe, Rachael Rabinovitz as Hayley Gettelman, Chris Rose as Anthony Wallace, Jenny Fielding as Rachel Hanson, Joe Lourenco as the Maître d'. Sound Engineering by Dan Murray. Sound Editing by Peter Cosmas Sofronas. Theme Music by Valerie Forgione. Additional Music performed by Alexandre Abdoulaev.

Transcript

EPISODE 1: AFTER THE SH*T HIT THE FAN

DAVID'S APARTMENT

LEAD-IN MUSIC

TOMMY: (Half asleep) David!

TOMMY CLIMBING OUT OF BED

TOMMY: David?

FOOTSTEPS

TOMMY: Yo, Clark. Where are you?

DAVID (O.S) Living room.

FOOTSTEPS

TOMMY: Why'd you let me oversleep? I've gotta be at work in an hour.

DAVID: Hey, I tried. But when you start throwing pillows at me, my work is done.

TOMMY: (Flirting) You know, there are nicer ways of waking me up.

DAVID: Not when you need to be at work in an hour.

TOMMY: We should've stayed at my place. I'd only have to go downstairs then.

DAVID: Tommy, we've already been through this. I need to get ready for my father's visit.

TOMMY: Yeah, tonight. You have all day to prep. Besides his room has been ready since Tuesday.

DAVID: I want this to go well.

TOMMY: It will. Your Dad's the supportive one.

DAVID: He's still not easy to deal with.

TOMMY: Yeah. You keep saying that, but I don't get it. Rachel always said your Dad was a barrel of laughs. Of course, she was rolling her eyes at the time so...

DAVID: Did you really have to go there?

TOMMY: Where? Rachel?

DAVID: Yes.

TOMMY: David, sweetheart, love of my life, Rachel is bound to come up in conversation today. It's kind of unavoidable given the circumstances.

DAVID: Why are you suddenly the one who's okay with that?

TOMMY: Because it's not my family for a change.

DAVID: Please promise me you'll be on your best behavior at dinner tonight.

TOMMY: Oh ye of little faith.

DAVID: Tommy, please.

TOMMY: You're cute when you're all fidgety.

DAVID: Stop. You're going to be late.

TOMMY: Not even a kiss?

DAVID: Fine. One.

QUICK KISS

TOMMY: That was a kiss?

DAVID: You're supposed to be in a hurry.

TOMMY: Well, if I got a decent kiss I'd be halfway to work by now.

DAVID: You would not.

TOMMY: (Half trying to be cute) I love you.

DAVID: I love you more.

KISS

DOOR BUZZER

TOMMY: You expecting someone?

DAVID: I've got a bad feeling about this.

FRONT DOOR OPENS

MARK: Davey!

DAVID: Dad?

MARK: Come here. Give yer old man a hug!

DAVID: (Shouts out at the intensity of the hug) You weren't supposed to be here until this afternoon.

MARK: I took an earlier flight. I figured I'd save you a trip to the airport.

DAVID: You should have called.

MARK: I didn't want to be a bother. And this must be Tommy. Put 'er there.

TOMMY: Mr. Sharpe.

MARK: Hey, none of that Mr. Sharpe crap. Call me Mark.

TOMMY: Okay. Mark. Oop. And now we're hugging. Somebody doesn't know his own strength.

MARK: Davey's told me a lot about you. You used to draw all those super-heroes in the funny books.

TOMMY: Yes. Every single one of them. And then I stopped.

DAVID: He freelances now.

TOMMY: When I'm not pouring coffee in exchange for rent money. Which I've gotta finish getting ready for.

MARK: Well, it was great meeting you. You know, if you don't mind me saying, you look a lot like your sister, Rachel.

TOMMY: I guess.

MARK: Just goes to show you, my boy Davey has definitely got a type. Good looking, sexy Rachel. Her good looking, sexy brother Tommy.

DAVID: Dad, enough.

MARK: Come on, I'm dying to know. What's it like being with a sister and then her brother? The sex, how does it compare?

DAVID: Dad!

OPENING THEME


HOT OFF THE PRESS

COFFEE SHOP AMBIANCE

COFFEE BEING POURED INTO A CARDBOARD CUP AND A PLASTIC LID PLACED ON IT

HAYLEY: He said what?

TOMMY: You heard me.

HAYLEY: Yeah, but it doesn't mean I believe you.

TOMMY: Oh, come on, Hayley. Does that even sound like something I could make up?

HAYLEY: Dinner tonight should be fun.

TOMMY: I can't wait.

HAYLEY: Where you going?

TOMMY: That new place that opened up. La Vita Nuova or something like that.

HAYLEY: Sounds fancy.

TOMMY: Too fancy if you ask me.

BROOM SWEEPING

HAYLEY: So how does it compare?

TOMMY: What?

HAYLEY: You know. What David's dad asked.

TOMMY: How should I know? I don't know from girls, let alone girls who are sisters.

HAYLEY: No, Tommy. What did David say?

TOMMY: Nothing. He yelled at Mark in a really high pitched voice. It was kind of funny actually.

HAYLEY: Well, I bet he's probably compared a note or two at some point. Don't you think?

BROOM SWEEPING STOPS

TOMMY: Not David. And eww.

HAYLEY: Oh come on. You mean you've never compared the guys you've been with?

TOMMY: That's different.

HAYLEY: Why?

TOMMY: I'm trying to sweep the floor here.

HAYLEY: Tommy, just answer the question.

TOMMY: Comparing guys from my past is a fun way to pass the time. Comparing me and my sister is just wrong. The circumstances of our situation are bad enough without wondering who's better at pleasuring David.

HAYLEY: I bet it's you.

TOMMY: Will you knock it off? And why?

HAYLEY: He just seems a lot more comfortable now than when he was with her.

TOMMY: Well, he has loosened his tie a bit more these days. I'll give him that.

HAYLEY: And there we are.

TOMMY: What about you? If anyone has a scorecard, it's you.

HAYLEY: Hey, keep your voice down. I don't need Walter knowing my business.

TOMMY: What? You really think he doesn't know about the turnstile in your boudoir?

HAYLEY: The less my grandfather slash boss slash housemate knows about my sex life, the happier I am.

TOMMY: I'm just saying. And besides, you do have that open relationship thing with Max. You mean to tell me two of you have never shared siblings?

HAYLEY: Well that's gross.

TOMMY: I don't mean at the same time. One after another. With a reasonable hiatus between them.

HAYLEY: First of all, that's not how it works. We play, but we don't share partners. And two, I'm only into guys.

TOMMY: So no playing for the home team?

HAYLEY: No. Well, not since high school, but that was more of a favor than anything.

TOMMY: Um, wow.

HAYLEY: How about you and the visiting team?

TOMMY: Not even a little bit.

HAYLEY: So how do you know you don't like it if you never even tried it?

TOMMY: I'm not gonna dignify that with a response.

BROOM SWEEPING RESUMES

HAYLEY: You know, I haven't seen Rachel here in a while. Not since before you and David got past the “we're just friends” phase. What's she up to?

TOMMY: No idea. Neither one of us are her favorite person these days. Can't say I blame her.

HAYLEY: I hope one of these days you'll find a way to forgive yourself.

TOMMY: Not any time soon.

HAYLEY: Whatever.

TOMMY: In any case, whatever she's doing, I hope she's happy.

TRANSITION MUSIC

ANTHONY'S APARTMENT

RACHEL: We've got to stop doing this.

ANTHONY: (incredulous) You're actually making the bed.

RACHEL: What's wrong with that?

ANTHONY: Rachel, you're playing the walk of shame card and yet you're making my bed.

RACHEL: Don't make fun of me.

ANTHONY: There are so many things I could say right now to make fun of you. And I'm not saying any of them. I must really like you.

RACHEL: Anthony, we can't keep hooking up like this.

ANTHONY: You keep saying that. And yet we keep ending up here.

RACHEL: I know, but —

ANTHONY: And after we end up here, and after we — you know — you start your escape plan.

RACHEL: I have to get ready for work.

ANTHONY: The other night you started to “get ready for work” at three in the morning. You were halfway out the door before you remembered we were at your place.

RACHEL: Okay. I didn't think it through.

ANTHONY: Or you thought too much. (laughs) Either way it was hilarious.

RACHEL: Stop laughing.

ANTHONY: No. You start. I made you some coffee.

RACHEL: Thank you.

ANTHONY: See. I'm not all bad. Some might even call me charming.

RACHEL: And modest too.

ANTHONY: You noticed!

RACHEL: We're playing with fire here. You know that?

ANTHONY: I know no such thing.

RACHEL: I just got out of a relationship.

ANTHONY: And I've been divorced for eight years. It's just as lonely where I'm sitting.

RACHEL: You're my boss.

ANTHONY: You want a promotion?

RACHEL: Anthony!

ANTHONY: I'm kidding.

RACHEL: Well stop.

ANTHONY: Look. Do you enjoy my company?

RACHEL: Yes.

ANTHONY: Good. I enjoy yours. Obviously we're attracted to each other. Yes? No?

RACHEL: (begrudgingly) Yes.

ANTHONY: And I can't speak for you, but I think it's been amazing. (No response) Don't feel the need to agree just to spare my ego.

RACHEL: Anthony.

ANTHONY: Well, maybe just a little agreeing please.

RACHEL: Yes. It's been fun.

ANTHONY: Fun? (aside) I say “amazing.” She says “fun.” I guess I can accept “fun.”

RACHEL: Will you be serious?

ANTHONY: Rachel, I have been serious for longer than I care to remember. For the first time in I don't know how long, I feel alive and it's thanks to you. So please forgive me if I don't think it's a bad thing that you and I are enjoying each other's company. For whatever it is.

RACHEL: I don't want to lead you on.

ANTHONY: Good we're even. I have no expectations whatsoever.

RACHEL: Anthony.

ANTHONY: And neither should you.

RACHEL: But what if they find out at the office?

ANTHONY: We tell them to mind their own business.

RACHEL: Paul will never let us hear the end of it.

ANTHONY: It's a good thing I don't work for Paul then. And neither do you.

RACHEL: But...

ANTHONY: I happen to know your boss approves.

RACHEL: You are so frustrating.

ANTHONY: I know. That must be why you kissed me that night at the bar.

RACHEL: Who kissed whom?

ANTHONY: Okay. That must be why you let me kiss you that night at the bar.

RACHEL: A mistake in judgment that you are enjoying way too much.

ANTHONY: I am curious though. Are you really afraid of the office finding out? Or is it someone closer to home?

TRANSITION MUSIC


LA VITA NUOVA RESTAURANT

CLASSICAL BACKGROUND MUSIC

RESTAURANT AMBIANCE

MARK: And I could tell Davey was more than a little nervous when I saw that football player toweling off in his dorm room.

TOMMY: Sort of like he is now when you're telling this story.

MARK: And I just said to him, Davey, you're my son and I love you. Whatever makes you happy. You keep doing what you're doing and I'll come back later.

TOMMY: (Laughs uproariously)

DAVID: Thank you, Dad, for finding a way to make this evening more uncomfortable than even I thought it would be.

MARK: You never told Tommy this story?

TOMMY: I can promise you he did not.

MARK: Well, if you liked the one about the football player, I can tell you the one about the lead singer in his band.

TOMMY: Apparently somebody got around.

DAVID: Can we please change the subject?

TOMMY: Can I at least find out if the singer was a guy or a girl?

MARK: You'll have to ask Davey. I never did find out that one.

TOMMY: Boy, you think you know a person.

DAVID: So Dad, have you spoken to Mom lately?

MARK: Not since the divorce became final. (To Tommy) We stayed together for the kids.

TOMMY: I should've been so lucky.

MARK: Oh, your folks divorced?

TOMMY: Nope. Still together after thirty-seven long years.

DAVID: Tommy and his father don't get along that well.

TOMMY: Or at all. My Mom's not too fond of me either these days.

MARK: That's too bad. But that's their problem. I think Davey and me can more than make up for that. Right Davey?

TOMMY: Gee, Davey, is that true?

DAVID: Don't you start too.

TOMMY: That's okay, I've already got my own nickname for you that you hate.

MARK: Oh really? What is it?

DAVID: Never mind, Dad.

MARK: Who am I gonna tell?

DAVID: Nobody. Because Tommy is keeping his mouth shut if he knows what's best for him.

MARK: Okay. Have it your way. I gotta use the men's room anyway. You two lovebirds talk among yourselves for a bit.

MARK RISING FROM TABLE

FOOTSTEPS

DAVID: Not. One. Word.

TOMMY: Remember when you asked me what I wanted for my birthday? Well I just got it.

DAVID: The next time you complain to me about your father, I am going to remind you of this conversation and I am going to tell you to figure it out yourself.

TOMMY: You're really comparing my dad to yours? In the time I have known Mark, he has told you he loved you more than a dozen different times. Since I was fifteen, my dad has barely said a dozen words to me period.

DAVID: You want to trade?

TOMMY: I'd rather just spend my time with you.

DAVID: Now you're just trying to get back on my good side.

TOMMY: Is it working?

DAVID: That depends. Do you play football?

RACHEL: So this is La Vita Nuova. Nice place.

ANTHONY: I'll say.

RACHEL: A bit pretentious though.

ANTHONY: I'm glad you said it.

RACHEL: That's the last time we let Paul pick the restaurant.

ANTHONY: I'm sure it's good.

RACHEL: With these prices, it had better be.

ANTHONY: (To the Maître D') We're a bit early for our reservations. Anthony Wallace.

MAÎTRE D': Ah yes. Mr. Wallace. You're the first to arrive. Feel free to enjoy yourselves in the lounge while the rest of your party arrives. We will let you know when your table is ready.

ANTHONY: Thank you. (To Rachel) I'd much rather have a burger.

RACHEL: Add in fries and a milkshake and I'm there.

ANTHONY: Whatever announcement he plans on making, it better be a good one.

RACHEL: Well, we're here. We might as well make the best of it.

ANTHONY: Shall we hit the bar?

RACHEL: After you.

ANTHONY: No. Ladies first.

RACHEL: (Laughing) Thank you, kind sir.

TOMMY: Okay, David. Whoever said there's no such thing as a coincidence deserves to be shot.

DAVID: What do you mean?

TOMMY: Don't look now. I said don't look.

DAVID: Great. She saw me.

TOMMY: I told you not to look. Who's that with her?

DAVID: Rachel's boss, I think.

TOMMY: Damn. You think they're...

DAVID: No.

TOMMY: I don't know. They look pretty chummy.

DAVID: Tommy, that's impossible.

TOMMY: So were we. Anything's possible.

ANTHONY: Hey, Rachel. Isn't that your ex?

RACHEL: Unfortunately.

ANTHONY: Who's that with him?

RACHEL: My brother.

ANTHONY: That's weird, right?

RACHEL: You have no idea.

ANTHONY: Don't tell me they're —

RACHEL: A couple? Give that man a prize.

ANTHONY: I get the feeling there's a story you haven't told me.

RACHEL: Anthony, there's a whole soap opera I haven't told you.

ANTHONY: Should we say hello?

RACHEL: Do we have a choice?

ANTHONY: We always have one.

RACHEL: I'll never hear the end of it if we don't.

ANTHONY: Your funeral.

TOMMY: Great. They're coming this way.

DAVID: Tommy, relax.

TOMMY: This wouldn't have happened if we went out for pizza.

ANTHONY: David! I thought that was you.

DAVID: Anthony. It's been too long.

ANTHONY: What are the odds?

TOMMY: You'd be surprised.

DAVID: Have you met Rachel's brother, Tommy?

ANTHONY: The artist? No. I haven't had the honor. I've heard a lot about you though. Anthony Wallace.

TOMMY: I can't say the same.

RACHEL: He's one of the partners at the law firm where I work.

DAVID: What brings you two here?

RACHEL: Company party.

ANTHONY: How about you two?

TOMMY: Just dinner with —

DAVID: — A friend.

ANTHONY: Well, we certainly don't want to interrupt. It was nice to see you again.

DAVID: Right. Same to you.

MARK (O.S.) Rachel? Is that you? Remember me? Davey's old man.

RACHEL: Hello, Mark.

MARK: Small world running into you here. Who's this?

ANTHONY: Anthony.

MARK: Great to meet you, Anthony. So, are you Rachel's new boyfriend?

ANTHONY: ...

MARK: Quite the trade up from Davey here if you ask me.

DAVID: Dad!

TOMMY: Again, we should've gotten a pizza.

END MUSIC