The LIFTS Podcast

LIFTS Out Loud: Jake Maher + Callie Triller - Ryan's Journey Home

• Season 5 • Episode 6

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0:00 | 19:06

Guest Bios: 

Episode Details: 

In this powerful episode of the LIFTS Podcast, host Emily Freeman sits down with Callie Trier and Jake Maher to share Ryan’s Journey Home — a story of foster care, recovery, and the power of community.

When Callie and her family welcomed baby Ryan into their home straight from the NICU, they knew he would need love, stability, and a strong village to help him thrive. What they didn’t expect was the friendship that would grow between their family and Ryan’s biological father, Jake — who was working hard to rebuild his life through treatment and recovery.

Together, Callie and Jake share their perspectives on what it means to show up for a child — and for one another — within Montana’s foster care system. Their story is one of grace, second chances, and how systems can work when people lead with empathy, communication, and hope.

Topics in this episode include:

  • Navigating the foster care system in Montana
  • The power of collaboration between foster and biological parents
  • How programs like Medicaid, WIC, and Best Beginnings support children in foster care
  • The role of treatment, recovery, and community support in family reunification
  • Why believing in the possibility of change matters

Resources mentioned:

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Connect with Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies

For statewide resources to support Montana families in the 0-3 years of parenting, check out the LIFTS online resource guide at
https://hmhb-lifts.org/

Emily Freeman, HMHB-MT: 0:04

Welcome to season five of the LIFTS podcast, where we connect with parents, caregivers, providers, and advocates for Montana families in the early years of parenting. Through personal stories of lived experience and expert insights, we highlight the people and programs that are helping families thrive.

Callie: 0:21

I'm Callie Trier, and this is Ryan's Journey Home. When we started fostering, we knew we would need every resource at our disposal. With every placement it held true. We needed friends, babysitters, doctors, and community to support us so that we could love and support each child who walked in our doors. Baby Ryan was no exception. He came to us straight from the NICU after a preterm birth, and we immediately enlisted as many friends as we could to take turns holding and rocking him, knowing he needed all the love we could provide. As a child in Montana's foster care system, Ryan qualified for many public health benefits, including Medicaid, WIC, and the Best Beginnings scholarship. Through Medicaid, we were able to quickly connect with an occupational therapist familiar with feeding premature infants. She educated us on proper bottle placement and techniques to allow him to drink as much formula as he could so that he would grow stronger. His occupational therapist also worked to provide him positive sensory touch and coach us on how to best care for him as his body and brain developed outside of the womb. Medicaid also paid for all of his well child checkups. Over the course of the year that Ryan lived with us, his primary care provider helped us navigate some difficult illnesses and directed us to the proper treatments when there were milestones, he was slow to meet. We connected Ryan with the WIC program, which paid for most of his formula throughout the first year. Helped track his growth and development, and provided us with nutrition support as Ryan transitioned to solid foods. Once Ryan worked his way into a more routine schedule and got bigger and stronger, we enrolled him at a high quality early childhood program in our community, utilizing the Best Beginnings scholarship, a state funded program that helps families cover the costs of childcare. And then we met Jake. We had no idea that one of the coolest parts of fostering Ryan would be getting to know his biological parent. I remember learning that Jake had chosen to go to treatment, and I literally cheered. When he asked to do Zoom visits throughout treatment we were so happy to help make that happen. As soon as possible we wanted Ryan to know his dad, and for Jake to be continually motivated by all the sweet coos and big brown eyes Ryan could give. After Jake finished treatment, and in-person visits started, we got to know him even better, seeing him at least once per week. We were inspired by his hard work and dedication to both his sobriety and his parenting. He was utilizing every resource he could for himself just as we were utilizing every resource we could to support Ryan. As visits progressed from supervised to monitored, and then from a day at a time to overnight, we got to witness Jake and Ryan's bond flourish until our very final handoff. I was tearful as I knew we were saying goodbye to the sweet little boy who had lived with us for the past 15 months. But Ryan crawled right over to Jake, who picked him up. He then looked at me with a big smile and just waved. He knew he was home.

Emily: 3:14

Oh, you guys so sweet. Thank you Callie. That was perfect. Okay. Jake, are you in a position to read yours now or are you feeling good?

Jake: 3:24

Yeah. He's just riding his little four-wheeler around. Perfect. So I, we're good. I'm Jake Mayer and this is Ryan's Journey Home. Before my son Ryan was born, my life was spiraling out of control. I wasn't a productive member of society and was just lost. I was in jail when I discovered I'd become a dad and Ryan's mother and I were no longer together. I eventually got into the drug court program and went to treatment, and that's when Callie and her family got involved as foster parents. I started doing weekly video calls with them, which Child Protective Services encouraged. Callie sent me a notebook and a pen and said, if you want to write a letter to Ryan, we'll leave it to him. So I did. She and her family were so supportive of me. They sent care packages while I was in treatment. They sent pictures and a photo album and wrote to me about what it had been like since the day. They saw me as a person who was struggling and needed a lot of extra encouragement, and were always helping work towards the goal of reunification. When I got back from treatment, Callie would drive Ryan to me for my supervised visits twice a week for an hour each. I took parenting classes. I got enrolled in an intensive outpatient program and went to 12 step meetings. Ryan was the reason I didn't give up. I didn't really look at that as an option at that point. I just wanted to be with him when he finally came to live with me, I continued these efforts, attending recovery meetings, and taking every parenting class that I could. I wasn't court ordered to do these things, but I felt it was necessary to keep on the path that I was on. I wanted to take full advantage of every opportunity I could that would give me greater chances of having Ryan permanently. I've learned that the more you put into something, the more you get out of it. That's why I went all out and did everything I possibly could to better my chances of getting him back. I work full time Monday through Friday, and Ryan goes to daycare. He just started walking and has been communicating more. It's not so much like a guessing game anymore. He can actually let me know what he wants. The communication between the two of us growing together and having the bond that we do is a huge win. 18 months ago, I never would've thought that I'd be where I am today.

Emily: 5:53

Great job. Thanks you guys. Jake, it's been a little while since you're, since you first put together your story for the magazine. How have things been going for you and Ryan since?

Jake: 6:02

Been going great. It's been a while. And he's, he's talking so much more. He's just growing up so fast and I remember, I couldn't wait for him to start walking, and then now he's, a 2-year-old. He is into everything and he's keeping me busy. Mm-hmm. Very busy.

Emily: 6:21

And Callie, any updates in your life since the magazine came out?

Callie: 6:26

Yeah, my husband actually got a new job out of state, so we moved out of Montana and we haven't fostered again since then, but we did find out that we're pregnant with our third biological kiddo, so we've got a new adventure coming up in the next little bit.

Emily: 6:39

Oh, congratulations.

Jake: 6:40

Congratulations. So happy for you guys.

Emily: 6:44

Yeah. When you think back on your time caring for Ryan what still comes to mind for you?

Callie: 6:51

Yeah, that's such a good question and it's one I, I've been thinking about a lot lately actually, as we anticipate having another, another little babe in our life. Yeah. Some of the sweetest moments that we had with Ryan. We're watching our boys engage with them too. So Ryan came to us when my younger son was two and my older son was four, and they got to kind of have this experience of being big brothers and really watching them love this other kiddo. We worked really hard to strike that balance. And even when they were little, I think they understood that he gets to live with us, but we're not keeping him. He gets to go back to his dad and, and we talked a lot about how we get to hold him for a little while, but he is gonna go home. And they got to know Jake too, which was a really special part of it and see the whole process play out. But it's exciting to think about now as we're gonna welcome our next, getting to see them be big brothers again and go through that whole process one more time. But yeah, now as I see Ryan on this on videos and things, I just can't believe how big he is and how grown he looks, which is so wild. It's been a few months since, since I've seen him in person and he is just this thriving little dude who can knock a basketball into a basketball hoop, which is so wild. But it's so cool to see him just continue to thrive. Yeah. 

Emily: 8:12

Well, and I love that your boys got kind of practice being big brothers. I mean, they're sort of like cousins. Like, how will you, how do you all refer to one another? Like you're sort of family.

Callie: 8:21

That was such a huge gift, as we were anticipating our goodbyes to Ryan, that Jake was so willing to invite us into Ryan's longer term journey. We had no expectation of that because as foster parents, our goal is to kind of blend into the background.

Emily: 8:37

Yeah.

Callie: 8:38

We're hoping to let them be a family. But Jake has been so generous in keeping us updated on things and sharing videos and pictures and letting us know how he's doing. Which we share with our boys too and they get to watch him be silly and funny and everything else. But, yeah, as I was reflecting back and Jake, this was a, like a funny realization I had after the fact, but Ryan has two bigger cousins that he sees often too. And so my loves, it's almost like he was transplanted from like two big brothers to two big cousins that are really his, like his brothers now. And so he kind of plopped from one to the next and it seems like such a seamless transition.

Jake: 9:16

Yeah. He's got a lot of cousins and a lot of the kids are younger and he spends a lot of time with them. Like they go to the same daycare, so he sees them like every day. And then we hang out with them on the weekends and stuff. So, it was it was definitely a sad transition, like I already think about. I think about that, that last handoff all the time. It was so like bittersweet. I don't even know the words to explain, like you're like happy and sad. Yeah.

Emily: 9:54

The timing seems perfect too because Callie, that opportunity for your family to move and to be able to settle into that new job and be near your family. But it was almost like Ryan needed to be back with Jake before that opportunity came into your life in a way.

Callie: 10:09

Yeah, yeah. It was really divine, divine timing. I feel like people have a kind of negative connotation of the foster care system in so many instances that it doesn't work or that it goes poorly or you know something's wrong. I won't in any capacity pretend that it's perfect or it works exactly right every time. But I feel so thankful that in this situation it worked like it's supposed to, and that there were so many check marks along the way that Jake just continued to rise to. And that we all felt so good about handing him back and saying, you're ready, you can do this. And that Ryan was so just content. I think, you know, Jake, that last handoff was really bittersweet. But I'm, I remember being in the car on the, on the drive back and Daniel and I both reflecting that like, he knew he was home. As a 15 month old little boy, he was so happy to be in your arms and was like. Thanks see ya! You know, I mean, he just knew it. And I think that was the most precious gift that we could have received as foster parents. If he had been sad or clingy or whatever, that would've been a lot harder to walk away from. But he was like, I'm good. Thanks a lot and see you later, but I'm home. I mean, it was just, he knew it was so cool.

Emily: 11:27

That's perfect. It's like that first day of kindergarten or something, times a million.

Jake: 11:33

I think that the system does get like a bad rap because, a lot of the times people think that it's like they're fighting against the system instead of working with them. I think that's a big problem. People look at it as they're an enemy. They're like trying to take my kids or keep my kids, but in reality they're just trying to make sure that, their safe environment and the kids are gonna be safe. So if you just do everything that you're supposed to do, the system works just fine.

Emily: 12:06

What advice would you give to somebody who was in your shoes? So Jake, someone whose child had been put into the system and was working to be reunited. And Callie to someone who is maybe new to fostering, what would be your best advice to work within a system that isn't perfect, but can be navigated well with the right attitude or tools or supports.

Jake: 12:30

I think for me it was just doing everything that they asked. It really wasn't like that hard, it's just, doing what they ask of you, just do what's suggested. Like in my program that I work, my 12 step program, it's, be open-minded and, and take the suggestions. And, I feel like that applies to more than just the program. Like in life, you know, be open-minded just do what's asked of you. It's not designed to hurt you. It's to help you and the child. So just do what's asked of you, and they'll be fine, you know?

Callie: 13:08

Yeah. And I think, from the foster parent perspective, there's some level of adaptability and flexibility that you have to have. When we said yes to Ryan, we got him at 10 30 on a Monday night, two days before we'd gotten the call that he was in the NICU and needed a placement shortly. And when, they dropped him off and handed him to us. They said, so we don't really know how long this placement will be. And I think there were like various checkpoints where we thought, okay, this could be done next week. There was the potential of maybe family placement and then there was this potential of maybe we're terminating rights, and just this back and forth and all sorts of things. And I think you just have to sit completely open-handed through the whole thing, and just be flexible because you really don't know what you're saying yes to. So there's a certain level of trust in just that you're gonna have what you need when you need it and the resources, and that was a lot of what I talked about in the article is just making sure that you have your village because there were things that we just didn't know. Even throughout our time with Ryan, there were two separate occasions that he needed, respiratory support in the hospital. And so even that, trying to navigate, with our two big boys at home and my husband working and I'm in the hospital with Ryan and who are we calling to then spend time with our other two and all of those pieces, right? You just have to have a lot of support for your own unit, your own family in order to make it work. But I think in terms of our relationship with Jake, there were so many times where I remember telling people I wouldn't suggest being a foster parent unless that you believe radical change is possible. That somebody can decide that they are done with substances. That somebody can decide that they are ready to change their life. Because when they decide it's possible and they do it, and it is remarkable to be a part of. But I think there's a lot of people, especially in Montana, who've really been hurt and and have had hard relationships, particularly around those who abuse substances, and so, it's hard for them to necessarily believe that it is possible for somebody to change. And so I think that's something that, that we really held strong to. I remember Jake being on the phone call with you and it was like a check-in with the whole CPS team. And somebody asked you like, how would we know if you are like backsliding, essentially. How would we be able to tell if you're using again or something? And you kind of had this puzzled look and you're like, but that's not even an option. Yeah. Like, I can't. I gotta keep going forward. That's not even like on the docket of possibilities right now. And just that like mentality and that mindset to keep moving forward, it was so evident as you went along. And then, our hope and trust in you continue to grow and your hope and trust in yourself continue to grow. And then, to see this final product bear out and to see it be so successful months later is such a cool testament to that. Like when somebody decides it takes hard work. I don't wanna minimize it anyway, the amount of work that you have put into your sobriety and, and parenting, I mean both. But I think that was such a huge part of being foster parents, is just knowing and believing that somebody can change and if they decide to, they're gonna do it.

Jake: 16:19

I feel like the support from you guys was so crucial to my part of it because I feel like yes, I had the support from my family, but you guys made me feel so comfortable.'Cause people do hear stories foster families not like even interacting with the bio parents at all. And keeping the kids away from them and you guys were so supportive and when I was in treatment and, you know, you guys sent me the care package. Like that was such a pivotal moment in my life that I will never forget, ever.

Emily: 16:59

Jake, was it hard for you to believe in their trust? Or did you, did you just trust that they were rooting from you from the get go?

Jake: 17:08

I just had that feeling. Like it was just right out of the gate. They were so supportive and I think it was right before I was going to treatment, or right when I did go to treatment they wrote me a letter. And I still have them. It was like right then. I was like, wow. Jennifer Little our CPS worker, she gave me the letters. I read'em and I just started crying.'cause I felt love, you know, the support. And when you're getting clean, you have so many emotions and different things that you're like not used to. And, I just felt like that peace, you know, like I felt safe. And yeah, I could trust them right from the gate. It was some, higher power. It was great. Sorry, I don't mean to get emotional like that.

Emily: 18:00

You're absolutely allowed and encouraged. 

Thank you both for your time today. 

Emily Freeman: 18:11

the LIFTS Podcast is a project of Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies The Montana Coalition, a nonprofit dedicated to improving the health, safety, and wellbeing of Montana families in the zero to three years of parenting. Visit us at hmhb-mt.org to learn more about who we are and what we do. Views and opinions expressed in these interviews do not necessarily represent HMHB as an organization. If you have feedback on the podcast or an idea for a future guest or episode, we'd love to hear from you. Take our LIFTS podcast listener survey at hmhb-mt.org/survey or email us at stories@hmbmt.org. Thanks for listening.