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The Average Joe Beatdown: Who's the Toughest Mediocre Guy?
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Who would emerge victorious in a fight between your favorite TV dads, sidekicks, and everyday characters? That's the question at the heart of our hilariously chaotic "Average Joe Beatdown" tournament, where we pit characters like Fonzie, Marshall Erickson, and Hank Schrader against each other in increasingly absurd showdowns.
The rules are simple: no characters with military backgrounds or supernatural abilities—just regular folks thrown into extraordinary combat scenarios. What begins as a straightforward tournament quickly descends into delightful madness as the competitors face off in locations ranging from the Batcave to Santa's Workshop, wielding everything from brass knuckles to saxophones.
The tournament takes unexpected turns when Marshall Erickson, the gentle giant from How I Met Your Mother, goes on a shocking winning streak. prompting increasingly bewildered reactions from us as hosts. Throughout these fictional battles, we debate each character's hidden strengths, unlikely skills, and potential strategies. Would Ron Swanson's woodworking expertise translate to combat prowess? Could Dr. Cox's medical knowledge give him an edge in a fight? These questions lead to passionate debates, surprising insights, and moments of pure comedic gold.
By the final duel on a skyscraper rooftop, only one character can claim the title of ultimate Average Joe champion. Listen now to discover who emerges victorious, and let us know your dream match ups for our next tournament! Follow us at entertainthispodcast.com or on social media @entertainthis_ to join the conversation about which everyday character would truly dominate in a fight.
Podcast Introduction and Setup
Speaker 1In 2020, hayden made two friends start a podcast with him. They promptly went home and watched some movies. Today they survive his podcast as a fortune. If you want to entertain if there are no other podcasts, if you have Spotify, you can listen to Entertain this Well done, well done. Well done. I don't even know if we're one-taking these or if it's just like, oh, he nailed the first take. Or it's just like, no, we're just not going to bother trying it again, Just go with it.
Speaker 2It's fine. It's fine, it's the charm. People get what they're getting. I got what you were putting down, yeah.
Speaker 1I still think the Law.
Speaker 3Order one was like the best.
Speaker 2Hey, hello, welcome To Entertain this.
Speaker 1Exclamation point.
Speaker 2A podcast about movies, tv shows and video games. My name is Hayden. With me I have Mitch, hello and Tom.
Speaker 1Hi Tom.
Speaker 3Today we're discussing the Average Joe Beatdown.
Speaker 2It's like the speed version. I didn't want to do all that one word thing.
Speaker 1Hey, welcome to Entertain this. This is a podcast of one of the most TV shows and video games. My name is Simon. With me, I'm Vincent Hayden. Check us out on EntertainThisPodcastcom. We're also on Instagram and TikTok at EntertainThis underscore. You can also check us out on Patreon at patreoncom forward slash.
Speaker 2EntertainThis underscore attention to yeah, we'll hit that again at the end we'll touch on that later all right average joe. Beat down mitch.
Speaker 3Explain how this is going to work well, we did an action turn, our action hero tournament before, where we all picked 10 different action heroes from movies and they, basically we pit them against each other.
Speaker 1I remember which one we did, that lasted like eight rounds and just wasn't beaten.
Speaker 3I don't remember who it was. Basically, we'll each pick. We each have our ten people, which are considered average Joes.
Speaker 2Yeah, Tom made these rules and he slipped in like the Predator and stuff like that I was like what are you talking about?
Speaker 3Tom made the rule of nobody with a military background, and his first person was Walker Texas Ranger.
Speaker 1I was like what the heck and Rip Whe? Nobody with a military background and his first person was walker, texas ranger and rip wheeler.
Speaker 2It's because you were scared because when you rip wheeler would have won to add in more specificities into this specificity. Yeah, uh they. They got to be like a dude that's not actively looking to like get into violence yeah, like al bundy, none of us picked him but and they're not in a supernatural setting of any sort, yeah right like dean Winchester, that Tom tried to pick Right. So Okay, all right. So like we're aching more to like sitcom dads, but we have the occasional cop that like slips through the cracks here.
Speaker 2So one of mine might be a little ridiculous, but man.
Speaker 3All right, I feel outgunned in this, just saying Out of the list that we picked, yeah well we'll see how it goes, Tom's like don't be bothered by who's going to beat who. All right, so does anybody want to volunteer to have their people go first?
Speaker 2Yeah, I'll throw one out there. All right, let's do, fonzie.
Speaker 1All right, I'll throw out uh mine my number 10, sam malone from cheers.
Speaker 3Let's see former pro pitcher.
Speaker 1So god, if there's any baseballs around, oh no, well, watch out I mean the fonzie's pretty he might peg him in the head at 90 miles an hour. Fonzie's pretty lucky and give him brain brain damage.
Speaker 3All right, let's see You're going to be fighting in the Batcave. Okay, and let me find the thing here. Phone doesn't want to work right, and?
Speaker 1The show's predicated on your phone working well. Mitch, you both have a hammer.
Speaker 2Okay, all right. Well, I'll start my argument first. On your phone working. Well, mitch, you both have a hammer. Okay, all right. Well, I'll start my argument first. I feel like the Fonz could just slap a random bat computer machine device and then good things will happen.
Speaker 1Nah, he bumps it with his fessy zoop. Yeah, that's what I do. He does it to jukeboxes an elbow.
Speaker 2And then a Gatling gun will pop out and just kill a Cheers guy, ted Danson, ted Danson, yeah.
Speaker 1Huh, is that your argument?
Speaker 2Yeah, and in the worst-case scenario, just throw a hammer.
Speaker 1Why would you throw the hammer and not hit it?
Speaker 2Because he's got to keep his distance. I don't know. I recall one fight that the Fonz was in in Happy Days and it was just like goofy.
Speaker 1Yeah, he gets beat up by Tom Hanks.
Speaker 2That's right.
Speaker 1Yeah, oof, he jumped a shark. Yeah, that's, true, he did jump a shark On a surfboard. He did jump a shark In a leather jacket.
Speaker 2He was so lucky that he started a movie trend, didn't even get wet, that's right. So I feel pretty good about Fonzie.
Speaker 1Well, Sam Malone, I believe, was a former pro pitcher, which implies some sort of athleticism and training that he would have had In his day In his day. He's still in his 30s, he's not, you know.
Speaker 2I'm just saying Fonzie's like barely out of high school. Yeah, but he looks like he's 42 and he's hanging out with high school kids.
Speaker 1He's got the demeanor. Oh, you know what? Sit on it, Potsy.
Speaker 2You don't say that to Fonz.
Speaker 1They did say it to him To.
Speaker 2Fonz.
Speaker 1Yeah, Mrs Cunningham said it to him.
Speaker 2Oh, okay, sit and spin.
Speaker 1He's somebody who has. Obviously he has a considerable height and distance advantage over Henry Winkler.
Speaker 2We're not talking about Henry Winkler.
Speaker 1Over the Fonz. The Fonz is a short fella, he's a little fella and Sam Malone is probably like 6'4" and in decent shape, I think. The Fonz, I mean he has to run a bar, he's got to throw drunks out.
Speaker 2I think the Fonz has got enough luck and charisma and he'll be able to beat up Ted Danson without having to comb his hair.
Speaker 1Sam Malone has great hair as well. What do you think, Mitch?
Speaker 3Well, judging by what the AI said, it says this one's a close call, but Fonzie has a slight edge.
Speaker 2What.
Speaker 3Between adaptability, mental game and fighting style, the outcome Fonzie wins six out of ten times. Woo Almost a 50-50 split, it says, likely by outmaneuvering Sam and using the Batcave's environment to set up a decisive strike or trap.
Speaker 2That's what I said.
Speaker 3Sam takes four out of ten if he lands an early powerful blow before Fonzie can adapt.
Average Joe Beatdown Rules Explained
Speaker 2Thank you, AI overlord.
Speaker 3The final scene, fonzie leans against the Batmobile, hammer twirling, and says hey, sammy, better luck next time. Wow.
Speaker 2It's like a fighting game. Ai is stupid, says.
Speaker 3Sam nursing a bruise mutters. Yeah, well, I'll get you at Cheers.
Speaker 2Oh, he can't say that. They're like dead. Is that too violent for the A? Probably.
Speaker 3Somewhere matches Malone watches from the shadows unimpressed.
Speaker 2Yeah, all right, cool, I've won, so you continue I crossed out Sam.
Speaker 3You don't cross him out.
Speaker 1I crossed out Sam Malone on my bracket, which means the Fonz advances to whoever Mitch's number 10 is.
Speaker 3I got to type this in here, so you got to give me a second.
Speaker 1Who is your number 10?
Speaker 3Well, my first one that I'm using is Cody, from Step by Step Cody from Step by Step. Let's see, we will be in a WWE arena.
Speaker 2All right, is Cody fighting Fonz, or is Cody fighting?
Speaker 3Fonzie Okay, because you're got one.
Speaker 2All right, so Fonz versus Cody, and we both have a knife. Okay, well, I feel like the Fonz being like a greaser kind of guy, he's pretty familiar with knives. He's able to beat up a guy who's twice his size. Obviously, so far, cody is just some dork that can't even spell his name correctly. Yeah, he won one bar fight with four biker guys, but those guys took turns Well he's only got to fight one-on-one though.
Speaker 3Yeah, it's the got to fight one-on-one though.
Speaker 1Yeah yeah, it's the biker code of honor.
Speaker 2But I feel like Fonz is a lot more intelligent. He's able to, you know, figure out the bat. Where are we? Again the WWE?
Speaker 3arena. Oh dude.
Speaker 2So we're basically in a ring. Well, I bet you Cody doesn't know much about like wrestling culture.
Speaker 3He probably does. He knows kickboxing, that's true.
Speaker 2But maybe he doesn't know that you can use like chairs and stuff like that. Fonz is in the game, he's in the bar fight.
Speaker 1Anything goes in a bar fight.
Speaker 3Yeah, he just grabs them and swing it.
Speaker 2I don't know.
Speaker 3I do feel like knives, though Fonz has the edge Pun included, intended Well, I mean. I just feel like you know, with Cody being a martial artist he's got a little bit of advantage because Fonzie's kind of a broad Martial arts is one thing.
Speaker 2all right, We've all seen Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, right? It's got to be, yeah, that street ability right.
Speaker 3Yeah, because we all believe Bruce Lee was just thrown against a car.
Speaker 2My hands are registered weapons. If I kill you, I'll go to jail.
Speaker 1Anybody who kills anybody in a fight goes to jail.
Speaker 3It's called manslaughter. I mean, cody was pretty athletic too. I mean he did not just punches and kicks, but jumping, spinning, kicks and all that stuff.
Speaker 2Yeah, well.
Speaker 3I think his physicality and his athleticism, I don't know.
Speaker 2Out-move her Fonzie by a good bit. I don't know. I feel like the Fonz has got it. What do you think, tom, it's?
Speaker 1a toughie. I don't know much about this Cody from Step by Step.
Speaker 2unfortunately, he's a real idiot. Imagine Joey Tribbiani with less IQ. Oh my God.
Speaker 3Against the Fonz. I think he was in the movie the Kickboxer 2, because in that character, because the actual actor knows all the kickboxing stuff- I'd probably put my money on the Fonz. Alright, well, the outcome. Cody pins Fonzie after Whoa, whoa it's not giving me the out of 10 thing. It says the outcome Cody pins Fonzie after a brutal crowd-pleasing brawl, winning via a three count, with a knife held dramatically, but not fatally, to Fonzie's throat.
Speaker 3Oh, thank you, AI the crowd erupts as Cody raises his arms, shouting totally righteous dude, Fonzie, ever cool, rolls out of the ring, adjusts his jacket, gives a begrudging IA nod of respect before limping to the locker room.
Speaker 1Alright, and there goes the Fonz.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 2Or Fonz.
Speaker 3Cody wins. Wwe arena favors Cody's wrestling-like physicality over Fonzie's street style. Knives make it dangerous, but Cody's size and durability let him absorb more damage while his reckless offense overwhelms Fonzie's finesse. Nobody got stabbed. Fonzie's best shot is outsparting Cody with traps or precise cuts, but Cody's raw power and heart tip the scales, especially in a wrestling-style pin finish. Nobody got stabbed. Look, I told you, AI does not like violence.
Speaker 2Well, just give him pillows or something I don't know. Pillow fight All right, what do you got Tom?
Speaker 1Huh, huh. Kickboxing guy huh, yeah, hmm, hmm.
Speaker 2Hmm, hmm, hmm, just pick a name.
Speaker 1I don't know if I want to use my best people. Do that guy, hal from Malcolm in the Middle. Yep, all right, yeah, we'll go with Hal, with Malcolm in the Middle, since Aiden decided that one I needed to use.
Speaker 3All right, let's see. Give me a little bit of why you think Hal would win.
Speaker 1I mean, he obviously knows you can't, you know, nobody can beat Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat 2. So he clearly knows the fight game literally.
Speaker 2The fighting game. He does knows the fight game, literally the fighting game. What's the environment that they're fighting at?
Speaker 3In a rancor pit with no rancor.
Speaker 1So you could have just said a pit.
Speaker 3It's got the bones and stuff scattered around.
Speaker 1Oh bones, I mean Hal is almost a sort of genius.
Speaker 3And they have him force.
Speaker 2They have him force, but they can't shoot it because it's too violent.
Speaker 3We'll see.
Speaker 1They just have to beat each other to death with M-Force. I mean Hal's almost a sort of kind of genius, because everything he gets embroiled in he excels in almost immediately. Like where he finds all the muscle dudes working out and he talks to them and then they don't know what to do when he's leaving. And muscle dudes like working out and he talks to him and then they're like they don't know what to do when he's leaving and he's like I can come back, doesn't?
Speaker 2doesn't frankie muniz like have to save him from getting beaten up at school all the time?
Speaker 3how's the older brother right?
Speaker 1no, how's the father?
Speaker 2oh the father, oh the father. Yeah, brian cranston. Oh okay, he's like, you know, quit drinking all that damn orange juice. It doesn't grow on trees. They're like, yeah, it does. He's like why, quit drinking all that damn orange juice? It doesn't grow on trees. They're like, yeah, it does. He's like, why is it so damn expensive?
Speaker 1That How's not a man to be trifled with.
Speaker 3I mean great that they have M4s. I don't know that they have to get close to fight, but I do think Cody's more versatile with weapons.
Speaker 1What weapons training?
Speaker 3does he have? He knows how to use martial arts weapons.
Speaker 1Yeah, m4s are renowned in karate.
Speaker 3Plenty of gun training. It's gun-fu.
Speaker 1Yeah, I know, gun-fu it's like okay, keanu.
Speaker 3Well, according to AI, hal emerges as the survivor, limping and sobbing after Cody's gung-ho assault wounds the rancor See. This is why AI is not always good. There's not supposed to be a rancor in the shit.
Speaker 2Well, just say a pit, Just say like a hole in the ground.
Speaker 1All I heard though, is Hal won.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's all he's going to focus on. I guess the rancor ate the other guy.
Speaker 1And I can see like Brian Cranston too.
First Matchups: Fonzie vs Sam Malone
Speaker 2He'd go. Oh, it would be because Walter White's in here somewhere, right. Does somebody have Walter White?
Speaker 1No, I don't have Walter.
Speaker 2White. Somebody should have picked Walter White so like how could have Fuck Walter?
Speaker 3White, I'll put it in a pit. We'll see what it comes up with. I would see Hal as like that meme or that video with Jean-Claude. When he's got the gun, he's like I'll cover you Guns, go at every one of you Seem in his underwear.
Speaker 1All right, let's see. This is why he takes. What was the mom's name on Malcolm in the middle? I don't know.
Speaker 3I can't remember what her name was. It's loading slowly. It gives me a bunch of stuff. I just go down to who wins. Hal Wilkerson wins six out of ten times, but it's a fluke-filled upset. Damn right it is. Let's see Hal wins because let's see, well, it just skipped a bunch of stuff. Let me find that again it just says Hal wins, Hal wins the Pitt's close quarters amplify Hal's chaotic survival instincts. Cody's aggressive spray pray style burns ammo and leaves him open, while how scurrying and lucky shots, or improvised moves.
Speaker 1Let him outlast cody, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3Well, so there were my, my fighter.
Speaker 2It's the guy that randomly gets a shot in All right, oh, all right, we're going to do Hal versus Marshall from how I Met your Mother. All right, all right. Marshall can slap Renowned, slaps, hurt around the world.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Slaps that sent the fear into the ladies' man, barney himself. Barney Stinson Changed him, made him a changed man, yeah.
Speaker 3What was Marshall's?
Speaker 2last name? Do we know Marshall, just Marshall, from how I Met your Mother?
Speaker 3That takes a lot of typing.
Speaker 1Hang on, hang on, I'm working on it, y'all just keep talking about it.
Speaker 3Y'all worry about it.
Speaker 2I'll type it in Erickson E-R-I-K-S-E-N so what do you think? You think Hal's got a chance, marshall's like 6'5, what was it?
Speaker 1his chaotic survival skills just screaming.
Speaker 2I feel like Marshall's pretty chaotic. I don't think he's how chaotic. The episode with his smoked pot Marshall's just all over the world and he's quite a tactician. He can build board games that could put anybody to sleep.
Speaker 1He can build board games Well hopefully this doesn't happen on a Monopoly board.
Speaker 2Where is this happening?
Speaker 3On the plane from Con Air With a lead pipe.
Speaker 2I feel like Marshall's got it yeah.
Speaker 1I feel like Hal accidentally kills Marshall or Marshall accidentally kills himself.
Speaker 2Maybe they accidentally pull the door open and just get sucked out.
Speaker 3It's a draw. Turn around the corner, put the bunny down.
Speaker 1Yeah, ted just goes ah, and like hits, the door latch and just opens it and goes, just gets sucked out, sucked out the back. The bunny down. Yeah, ted just goes and like hits the door latch and just opens up and goes and just gets sucked out, sucked out the back While Hal's like holding on to like a seatbelt going he's going to win by sheer luck of the whole tournament, malcolm.
Speaker 3It's slow.
Speaker 2It's loading.
Speaker 3I skip all the round one, round two and just try to go straight to who wins, but it's taking a moment.
Speaker 2Okay, well, I feel like, even though it's kind of close, Okay, there we go. You're like, ah, just go ahead.
Speaker 3Marshall Erickson wins eight out of ten times.
Speaker 2Yeah, eight out of ten.
Speaker 3Yeah, let's see, got your butt kicked. The Conair plane's tight, chaotic space favors Marshall's physical dominance. Yeah, his strength and reach with the lead pipe overwhelm Howell's frantic defense and his bar fight instincts. Let him adapt to the brawl's flow. Howell's unpredictability keeps him in it briefly, but his lack of stamina and fighting skill can't match Marshall's raw power.
Speaker 1But he beats the train fighter.
Speaker 3So the outcome? Marshall stands over a dazed Hal lead pipe in hand. As the plane's engines scream, he drops the pipe muttering. Sorry man, I owe you a slap bet for this Hal groaning mumbles. Lewis is going to ground me forever.
Speaker 2This is the life stage.
Speaker 3Alright, who you got Thad Castle?
Speaker 2Oh man All right.
Speaker 3Where are we fighting?
Speaker 2Gigantic dope cocaine-fueled moron. They're both about the same height.
Speaker 1However, Thad is a little bit more muscular, just a little bit.
Speaker 2But Marshall is much more intelligent than Thad Castle. I'll give you that. Yeah, so I. There are dogs that are smarter than Thad Castle. I'll give you that. Yeah, so I. There are dogs that are smarter than Thad Castle we're fighting in the. Batcave. Oh okay, so technology is a go here. Does Thad scream get out of my house? I feel like Get out. I feel like Marshall is a Batman fan and he would understand the you know Intricacies of the weaponry afoot.
Speaker 3Yeah, and we're fighting with hammers again.
Speaker 2The hammer fight, so he'll throw hammers like batarangs. You know, I feel pretty good about this one. What's your argument? I mean Thad Castle could clearly run circles around Marshall yeah if he can not have to deal with the chaos of the environment?
Speaker 3And he is an all-American athlete. I'm just saying.
Speaker 2Okay, marshall's a big dude who can slap really hard.
Speaker 3Let's see Thad's also very inventive on the ways that he can do things. He's smart when it's Okay, never mind, he's not smart, he's not smart.
Speaker 1He's not smart, he's captain of the football team.
Speaker 2Yeah, he might accidentally kill himself in that environment.
Speaker 3Yes, what does it say? Marshall Erickson wins seven out of ten times. Marshall wins because the Batcave's complex terrain favors Marshall's strategic thinking and endurance over Thad's all-out assault.
Speaker 2I'm good.
Speaker 3Marshall's size and power match Thad's, but his ability to adapt using the cave's gadgets or cover gives him an edge. Thad's reckless style burns him out and his ego makes him underestimate Marshall's toughness. Marshall's heart and smarts seal the deal, though. Thad wins 3 out of 10. Let's see the outcome. Marshall stands over a groaning Thad hammer raised at the Batcave system's hum, he drops the weapon, muttering. That's for Minnesota. What Thad? Well, because he's a Vikings fan.
Speaker 3Oh okay, Thad, clutching his knee, growls you're still a benchwarmer, but can't get up the fight's over. Cave's a mess. Batman's going to need a new computer. All right, my guys are going down.
Speaker 2Marshall moves on to the next round? All right, I'm only down. One guy. I still got Marshall. Yeah, what do you got? Tom Frazier? Oh, okay, I think in every scenario I got this Just throw your cannon fodder at Marshall. So Frazier's a tall guy, I'll give you that. Kelsey Grammer is a large man. He's a large man, but Frazier is also a very smart person.
Speaker 1He is very smart. He's very much an intellectual and tactician-ish. I guess it depends on where we're fighting, machiavellian-esque. In the bar from Cheers oh home turf. Yeah, he knows that terrain, he knows the intricacies of that bar.
Speaker 3And you're fighting with katanas.
Speaker 2I feel like if anybody's handled a katana before it would have been Marshall or Frazier in his visits to Japan.
Speaker 3They do fight with the swords in the apartment Marshall and Ted. He has sword playability.
Speaker 1Everyone knows Frazier's a world-class fencer.
Speaker 3Doctor's gonna throw stuff out as if it sticks.
Speaker 2Fencing has nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1I'm telling Hayden about a character from his favorite show. Educate me more that I've never watched.
Speaker 2Please mansplain me some more about, please, tom explain this to me, but I think that Marshall, being younger, stronger and has experience with technology.
Speaker 1Is this, cheers Frazier?
Speaker 2or Frazier Frazier, you decide.
Speaker 3Well, frazier's a spinoff from Cheers. Yeah, same character.
Speaker 1He's still been to the bar. He knows the exact layout, yeah, and knows where the gun's hidden behind the bar.
Speaker 2Okay, there's not a gun behind the bar, all right.
Speaker 3It's called the win, Justin.
Speaker 1It's foolish of you, Ted, to bring a katana to a gunfight.
Speaker 2What does the AI overlord say?
Speaker 1Well, nine out of ten times marshall erickson, I just figured I'd just sacrifice frazier I'm just curious to know how the one time worked out oh, let's see frazier's might.
Speaker 3Art. Frazier might win one out of ten times with a fluke slash or clever strap. Or trevor clever trap, uh, says the cheers bars tight quarters amplify marshall's Slash or Clever Trap, it says the Cheers bar's tight quarters amplify Marshall's physical dominance. His strength and reach with the katana overwhelm Frazier's theatrical flailing and his endurance outlasts Frazier's winded theatrics. Let's see. The outcome is Marshall stands over a defeated Frazier, katana lowered. As the Cheers crowd roars, he offers a hand saying no hard feelings, doc. Frazier, sprawled on the bar floor, groans my ego is bruised more than my body. Sam sweeps up glass muttering. This is why we don't have sorry, this is why we don't do sword fights.
Speaker 2Man, my boy Marshall, he's crushing it.
Speaker 1We're going to have to pick up some heavy hitters to take him out.
Speaker 3All right, all right, I got you, I got you.
Speaker 2Oh, what do you got? You got nothing.
Speaker 3I'm taking Julius Rock.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3The dad from Everybody Hates Chris.
Speaker 1Terry Crews. Pretty much, he's throwing a Terry Crews at you.
Speaker 3We got to get Marshall off the board. Let's see Julius Raka. Where are we going to be fighting? We are fighting.
Speaker 2What is his job? I don't know. It's like a mechanic or something, isn't it?
Speaker 3I think so.
Speaker 2He has like 40 jobs. Let's see, everybody hates Chris. Is that what it's from?
Speaker 3Yeah, Well, this doesn't help me, but we're fighting in Santa's workshop, okay.
Speaker 2With revolvers, what? Okay, I think the one who would know more about random toys would be Marshall.
Speaker 3Yes.
Speaker 2Okay, you know, maybe I don't know how the guns would come into play for both of them, but I feel like he would adapt faster in Santa's workshop.
Speaker 1I feel like he'd be more shocked. He was at Santa's workshop and want to talk to. Santa. He'd be distracted.
Speaker 2He could use that to his advantage and be like why didn't I get this when I was 10? He could use that to his advantage, because he's such a child at heart Like he could use all of the elves and stuff.
Speaker 3I do see him setting up traps and stuff and be like ha ha, ha, ha ha, exactly, but Julius Rock can just power through it. Yeah, if he can catch him?
Speaker 2I don't know.
Speaker 3What does our AI overlord say? Our AI overlord Crap. Yes, marshall Erickson wins 7 out of 10 times. Woo, let's see, marshall wins. Santa's Workshop's chaotic close-quarter setup favors Marshall's physical dominance and endurance. Physical dominance, what His strength and bold charges overwhelm Julius's cautious strategy, especially as ammo dwindles. Let me make sure this is the right Julius rock that they took. Let's see here.
Speaker 2Is there another Julius rock out there?
Speaker 3Yeah, that's what I'm checking. Nope, that's the same guy. Okay, just checking Marshall's a strong dude.
Speaker 2He's a big guy, big guy, huge. I don't think guy Huge, huge.
Speaker 3I don't think he's the physical dominance there's a part here. As ammo dwindles, the fight gets scrappy. Julius is smart to precision, keeping him competitive, landing key shots, but Marshall's durability and heart tips the scales.
Speaker 2Heart. I'm aching that to Santa's workshop.
Speaker 3Marshall stands over a disarmed Julius revolver empty. As the workshop sprinklers douse tinsel fires, he offers a hand saying sorry, man, you're still a rock Julius clutching his hand gribbles. This is why I don't do Christmas. Elves sweep up muttering about overtime as the jingle bells fade.
Speaker 1That was 68 cents worth of tinsel. He's taking us out, Tom. He's taking us Wondering about overtime as the jingle bells fade.
Speaker 2That was 68 cents worth of tinsel, all right.
Speaker 3He's taking us out, tom, he's taking us out.
Speaker 1Cosmo Kramer.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1We're about to fight chaotic with more chaotic.
Speaker 2Kramer, wouldn't it be funny if it was in?
Speaker 1Jerry's apartment Jerry's apartment, home territory.
Speaker 2Let's see, let me try and type all this up here. I mean, I'll be honest, I did not think that Marshall would make it this far.
Speaker 1No I am shocked.
Speaker 2I'm pretty happy I've only lost one guy so far. How many do you have left?
Speaker 1I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven left.
Speaker 2I feel like Kramer's terrified.
Speaker 3I don't think he could win a fight against anybody.
Speaker 1Well, you're fighting in a hedge maze with shovels. This might be the one.
Speaker 2What's how it's.
Speaker 1Kramer, it's frantic chaotic energy and spontaneous idea making.
Speaker 3He's even just bursting out of a bush, yeah.
Speaker 1Just taking him out.
Speaker 2Stare.
Speaker 1The only thing I could think it's a book about coffee tables, but it's got little arms so you can make it into a small coffee table, the only thing I could think is Kramer sometimes has an insane boost of luck that comes out of nowhere. It's literally.
Speaker 2And he just like skyrockets to like stardom, but then he like meteorically crashes.
Speaker 1Like where he showed up at a big firm and like got a job just by being there and like he was like doing great, but they fired him.
Speaker 2Yeah, the coffee table book and he got to talk shows, yeah, all sorts of stuff. So who won this one?
Speaker 3Eight out of ten times Marshall Erickson wins God.
Speaker 1I mean, I didn't have that much faith.
Speaker 3So the hedge maze's tight, disorienting paths favor Marshall's physical dominance.
Speaker 1Oh, I'm tired of hearing about it.
Speaker 3Much like his edge in the bar parking lot scenario I'm about to send Wayne from Letterkenny against him.
Speaker 1It's like here's a person who has beat up every tough person in Canada and won.
Speaker 2This here's.
Speaker 3American Says. His strength and focused aggression overwhelmed Kramer's unpredictable flailing, especially in the clearing's close quarters. Brawl Kramer's tricks keep him in it, winning two out of ten times if he disorients Marshall. The outcome is Marshall stands over a pinned Kramer shovel, tossed aside. As the maze fog thickens, he offers a hand saying let's get out of here. Man Kramer dusting off quips. I was just warming up. Oh for my maze spinoff. I was like warming up. Oh for my May spinoff. I was like what? Okay, yeah, sure I don't know.
Speaker 2It'd be funny if he said something racist. Ai just didn't filter that part out.
Speaker 1AI just went rogue. It's just like Michael Richards. It's like all right, please don't.
Speaker 3All right, you're fighting Dan Connors now.
Speaker 2All right, marshall versus Dan Connors, somebody's got to take him out.
Speaker 1I can see Dan Connors.
Speaker 2Where's Dan Connors from?
Speaker 1Roseanne.
Speaker 2Oh, and he's a biker. Yeah, this might be a tough one. Come on, marshall, I believe you. He can just exert until he has a heart attack, like in the show. Isn't that how he dies? That's how the show ends, with Dan Connors dying.
Speaker 1No, no, the show's still on.
Middle Rounds: Marshall's Surprising Dominance
Speaker 2Yeah, they brought him back because they said it was like a dream or something like that. But the original Roseanne, he died from a heart attack.
Speaker 1Because they just had some anniversary thing with the show, Like even going to Roseanne, but they didn't even show Roseanne Barr and I'm like yeah because she's canceled.
Speaker 3Yeah, and I was man. That's kind of lame. It's like the show was called Roseanne. Yeah, so you got.
Speaker 2Marshall Erickson versus Dan Connors in a Jurassic Park lab with axes, with axes, yeah, okay, I feel like Marshall would know more about Jurassic.
Speaker 1Park. I'm sick of hearing about Marshall. He's a nerd.
Speaker 2He's a super nerd, so you'd understand the terrain, but Dan's a construction worker and a biker.
Speaker 1Yeah, but how?
Speaker 2much experience does he have with dinosaurs? He's not fighting dinosaurs. He's not fighting a dinosaur he's got an axe. He just has to swing an axe. But they're in a lab, right, yeah?
Speaker 3there's dinosaurs in the lab. No, no there's no dinosaurs.
Speaker 2I feel like you push a button and a raptor would show up well then my guy could do that just as much. You dude wouldn wouldn't know what button to push. He's a construction worker. You push them all, he wouldn't figure it out. I feel pretty good about this one. What do we got there?
Speaker 3Unfortunately, marshall wins seven out of ten times.
Speaker 1Yes, I swear to God if I have to hear it due to his superior something.
Speaker 3Let's see Marshall wins. Jurassic Park's lab cramped high-tech setup like your favorite movie locations. Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Dan's raw power, His height and speed let him navigate the lab's obstacles and land key hits, while Dan's age and slower recovery limit him in a drawn-out fight. The outcome Marshall stands over a panting Dan, axe lowered. As the lab's alarms wail, he offers a hand, saying no hard feelings man Dan sprawled and Ahmed broken vials grumbles you're buying the beers for this. The distant raptor screeches fade as they limp out in the lab in ruins.
Speaker 1Yes, all right, rusticle, and it's C-O-H-L-E.
Speaker 2Mitch, this is your like Trump, your ace in the hole.
Speaker 1The one that got away. I have two, three other aces Marshall versus Rusticle.
Speaker 3How do you say your last name? Spell it.
Speaker 1C-O-H-L-E. That's how it's spelled for the show.
Speaker 2Now I'll be honest. I feel like, when it comes to weaponry, rust would win, but pure body mechanics, there's no way. He's like 120 pounds.
Speaker 1He's anorexic, he beats the crap out of, like the biker kid guy With a gun. He's got a gun. He's beaten him in the face like multiple times. He fights Marty. When Marty grabs him, he grabs his hands and he goes. Yeah, but if I just apply this amount of pressure and I break your hands, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a skilled fighter. But, and he's a tactical person- but he's also a drug addict. So if he's on cocaine he ain't going to feel any of the hits.
Speaker 2I don't know when are we fighting.
Speaker 3You're fighting on the bridge of Khazad-dum with brass knuckles.
Speaker 1Might not be good.
Speaker 2I think this might be it for Marshall.
Speaker 1That's the point. I swear to God, if Marshall beats Rustic, all this chat not a GPT crap is useless.
Speaker 2I will say, though, if anybody knows the terrain, it wouldn't be Russ Cole, it would definitely be Marshall.
Speaker 1Well, I'm pretty sure Russ could stand there and look and go. All right, I'm on a bridge over nothing. I'm pretty sure his vision is still there.
Speaker 2Maybe his back is to the Balrog and he doesn't know what's happening.
Speaker 1My money's on.
Speaker 2Ruskell, I'm hoping here, what do you got? Mitch Marshall wins.
Speaker 3Marshall Erickson wins six out of ten times. Yes, how, I don't know, marshall Erickson wins 6 out of 10 times. How I don't know says the bridge of Kazadoom's narrow high stakes setup, like let's see, amplifies Marshall's physical dominance and endurance. His raw power and reach with brass knuckles overwhelms Russ. Precise strikes, especially as fatigue sets in. Rust's skill and intensity keeps it close, winning 4 out of 10 if he lands early crippling blows or pushes Marshall off balance into the chest.
Speaker 2Who would have known that Marshall was such a sleeper?
Speaker 3fighter. Marshall stands over a battered Rust brass knuckles bloodied. As the bridge groans underfoot, he offers a hand, saying You're one tough philosopher man. Rust coughing mutters we're all just dust, just something. It takes the help limping off the bridge. The cavern's glow pulses, orc drums fading.
Speaker 2Something nihilistic.
Speaker 1We're all just dust Tom.
Speaker 3I don't know what we're going to do.
Speaker 2I've already won. I don't know what we're going to do.
Speaker 1Let's see I might have the ace, but I'm not playing him.
Speaker 3I'm going with Haas Cartwright.
Speaker 2Where's that from?
Speaker 3The sheriff from Bonanza. All right, you got to figure out how to spell it, right, dude, marshall, superior, haas, yeah, haas, cartwright.
Speaker 2Yeah, how tall is he? Because it feels like Marshall's superior. You know strength.
Speaker 1Yeah, apparently he's a superhero, yeah.
Speaker 2I remember the episode where, like he couldn't finish a marathon, it was like yeah. But he's got superior endurance Stupid.
Speaker 3Give me a number one to 16.
Speaker 2Seven.
Speaker 3God damn it. Is it the Batcave? No, this is for the weapon.
Speaker 2Oh, what was it Enforce? Yeah Well, your sheriff guy should know how to fire a weapon better than Marshall.
Speaker 3Well, he is from like the early 1900s, 1800s.
Speaker 2Oh, okay.
Speaker 1He should know what guns are and triggers go bang.
Speaker 3Hoss Cartwright, though, is a guy that's about the size of John Wayne. He's a big guy. Typically, if he's not shooting the guy, he just one, punches him and knocks him out.
Speaker 2Okay, well, let's see what happens. I don't know enough about this character.
Speaker 1He might just have to pull in Rip Wheeler and see what happens.
Speaker 3Just think of a more comedic John Wayne. That's pretty much what he is. Comedic John Wayne. He's a big man. It doesn't matter, god damn it.
Speaker 1Oh, my God.
Speaker 3Marshall Erickson wins seven out of ten times. We were fighting on the Black Pearl with M4s.
Speaker 1I hate this. This is stupid.
Speaker 3The Black Pearl's chaotic, storm-tossed deck favors Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Haas's brute strength. His speed and modern familiarity with the M4, however slight, let him land key shots while Haas's bulk struggles with the ship's sway and the rifle's complexity, take cover. Yes, marshall stands over a kneeling, haas, m4 in hand. As Rain pounds the Black Pearl, he offers a hand saying you're a legend, haas. Haas, clutching the leg grunts reckon I'll stick to horses. The ship rocks and they stagger to the helm. Allies in survival, okay.
Speaker 2Dead gummit. Who knew that Marshall was such a bad? You know what? Yeah?
Speaker 1Alright, al Borland.
Speaker 3I feel like Marshall could win that, but okay.
Speaker 1From Home Improvement, the reliable sidekick of Tim the Toolman. Taylor B-O-R-L-A-N-D.
Speaker 2Why didn't you pick Tim?
Speaker 1I wanted to pick somebody who doesn't set stuff on fire or electrocute themselves.
Speaker 2That's fair.
Speaker 1Al Borland. Al is dependable, reliable and knows how to actually do everything that Tim does.
Speaker 2If it's in a woodworking shop, maybe I'll give it to you. But yeah, I think somebody who works with works with wooden tools he's probably got strong hands.
Speaker 1Uh what? What is what he did?
Speaker 2some like like a heart medication commercial after. Yeah, he did family feud, oh, that's right, yeah, he did the. But like you see you today, you're like, yeah, he looks like a guy that would need heart medication. So I don't know.
Speaker 3I feel pretty good about Marshall, alright so you got Marshall Erickson versus Al Borland in the war zone gulag with hedge clippers tools.
Speaker 1He knows how to use tools.
Speaker 2However, due to the confining spaces, it accentuates Marshall's athleticism and endurance oh man, I'm pretty sure I got it the bad part is, marshall is not that athletic or enduring, he's not any of that this AI is convinced that he is and I'm all for it. Was it 9 out of 10 times Marshall?
Speaker 3Erickson wins 9 out of 10 times. Marshall Erickson wins 8 out of 10 times, reflecting your interest in his physical edge.
Speaker 2Oh my goodness, let's see, marshall is currently 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 for 9 right now. What was those?
Speaker 3gulags, Brutal close quarter setup. Oh my God. Favors Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Al's tool-savvy. His raw power and brawling experience overwhelm Al's precise defensive style, especially as fatigue sets in, al's resourcefulness keeps it close, winning 2 out of 10 times. If he lands early, crippling cuts, the outcome Marshall stands over a pinned Al Hedge clippers dropped. As the gulag's light flicker, he offers a hand saying you're a tough handyman. Owl Owl rubbing his arm grumbles should have stuck to power tools. The crowd jeers demanding more as they limp away.
Speaker 2It looks like I get to enter back in the war zone. Return to lobby Shut up.
Speaker 3What do you got Mitch? I'm running out of people. Hmm, I guess I'm going to go with Hank.
Speaker 2Hank from Breaking Bad. Yeah, hank.
Speaker 3Schrader.
Speaker 2Maybe if you get a gun.
Speaker 1But, mitch, what about Marshall's athleticism and endurance that you never see happen, ever on the show? He slaps Marnie.
Speaker 2That's it. He just slaps somebody.
Speaker 3Anybody can slap somebody, but he does it really well. Let's see, I mean shrink, shrink Hank. He's got cop training, cop training.
Speaker 2He gets PTSD when somebody sneezes hard around him. He takes his defensive tactics. I'm just saying no, he doesn't. He's a bowling ball. You've seen that guy get into his car. It takes like five minutes.
Speaker 3He is a very large man.
Speaker 2He's out of breath just from talking.
Speaker 3Pick a number one in 16. There are minerals.
Speaker 2Marie Two Glock pistol, oh darn.
Speaker 1He literally picked his service weapon. Will this be it? Will the reign of Marshall?
Speaker 3end. Where are we fighting In the Matrix, dojo?
Speaker 2Is it a Taekoo fight place?
Speaker 3I mean, there are a couple of wooden pillars.
Speaker 1According to Chad GPT, they might as well just be fighting in a port-a-john.
Speaker 2Marshall will know that he's in the Matrix before Hank. Okay, so I have confidence, and my boy, and my boy, and my boy. The smugness needs to end, come on.
Speaker 3Come on, grock, you can do this.
Speaker 2He said Grock.
Speaker 3Yes, oh no. Finally, hank Schrader wins eight out of ten times.
Speaker 2Eight out of ten times.
Speaker 3Let's see.
Speaker 2You get a good run Marshall.
Speaker 3The Matrix Dojo's open no cover layout. Let's see Get a good run, marshall. The Matrix Dojo's open no cover layout. Let's see oh, everything jumped. Where'd it go? Oh, it amplifies Hank's firearms expertise over Marshall's raw physicality. His precise Glock shots outpace Marshall's erratic fire and his tactical mind exploits the arena's exposure. Let's see the outcome Marshall kneels bloody as Hank stands over him. Glock empty in the flickering dojo, hank offers a hand, gruffly saying Not bad, kid, you'd make a decent cop. Marshall panting grins Only if I get a slap bet, klaus.
Speaker 2They limp off the virtual floor. What Allies in exhaustion.
Speaker 3I wish they could just kill each other in this, but they can't.
Speaker 2Goodbye Marshall. You had a good run, all right, took out half the board, god.
Speaker 1Wiped out all the fodder is what he did.
Speaker 2Here I'll do the typing if you want to argue.
Speaker 3All right.
Speaker 2All right, what are you guys picking?
Speaker 3I got Hank Schrader. And who you got Rick.
Speaker 1Castle, rick Castle.
Speaker 3Rick Castle. I know that's Nathan Fillion's character, but I don't know anything about it, I mean the superior marksman with a weapon and sword fighter.
Speaker 1Is he though? Yes, he does it in the show.
Speaker 3I mean, you know, didn't Hank end up in the FBI?
Speaker 2Or is he just with the PD? How do I pick where they're fighting and stuff?
Speaker 3There should be a number generator on there. You have to like.
Speaker 1Why are we letting Hayden do this? I?
Speaker 2don't know. All right, pick a number between 1 and 16 twice. So you go for the first one 10. All right, and then you go for the second one, 5. All right, keep talking.
Speaker 1Rick, I mean shown to be a proficient swordsman, actually quite good at it, obviously someone who's incredibly brilliant because he's solving cases, so he has a tactical acumen to him.
Speaker 1He's also a superior marksman because they take him to a range and he's like, effing around while he's shooting and like they're trying to like teach him. And he's like, effing around while he's shooting and they're trying to teach him. And he's like if I get three bullseyes, will you go on a date? And she's like, yeah, sure. And he picks up the weapon and just goes dunk dunk, dunk dunk and nails like keyholes three of them. And he's like I take classes.
Speaker 3Hank figures out who Heisenberg is.
Speaker 1He's the biggest meth dealer there. I mean there him like four seasons.
Speaker 3We're not talking about how long it took, we're just saying he did it.
Speaker 1I'm just saying Rick is smarter and he has hair.
Speaker 3Hey, hey, don't be bashing people that don't have hair. And he has money.
Speaker 1He's like a modern day Batman without a suit.
Speaker 2Modern day Batman.
Speaker 1He's an author.
Speaker 3I just don't. I think.
Speaker 1Hank His vest said. Writer.
Speaker 3What are they using? What weapon are they using?
Speaker 2You guys are using machetes.
Speaker 3And where are we?
Speaker 2at it's in a pit, the Rancor pit yeah yeah, hank's got this.
Speaker 3It's a machete. Yeah, it's a tool he works with all the time.
Speaker 2Rick's sword fights. What, yeah, in the show? When does he do that? I?
Speaker 1don't remember the episode.
Speaker 2All right. Well, anyways, hank wins 9 out of 10. Yes, the reason why is the pit's brutal close-quarter setup, like your favorite tactical settings, amplifies Hank's combat expertise and grit over Rick's scrappy improvisation. Hank stands over a kneeling Rick, machete lowered. As the pit's crowd jeers, he offers a hand, gruffly saying write about this castle. Rick, bloodied but grinning, replies I already got the title the Pit of Peril. They limp out the pit shadows, swallowing their steps. All right, now you get to do. Now you get to do our next one. Okay, let's see here who would be a great contender against.
Speaker 3You have plenty to choose from.
Speaker 1How do I phrase this?
Speaker 3The name versus name.
Speaker 1Do I write versus?
Speaker 3Yeah, you type versus Okay.
Speaker 2Let's do. Abed from Community I don't know his last name.
Speaker 1All right, look that up, Mitch. Who's yours?
Speaker 2Hank, oh Hank.
Speaker 1Hank Schrader.
Speaker 2And then we have to figure out what weapons and everything Abed Nadir N-A-D-I-R Is that how you spell, schrader?
Speaker 1No Ied.
Speaker 3Nadir N-A-D-I-R. Is that how you spell, schrader? No, I don't know. It spelled it for me when I typed it in earlier. I think it's like O -E, it's an A.
Speaker 1So, Okay, versus what was his name? Albet A-B-E-D, a-b-e-d.
Speaker 3And his last name is Nadir N-A-D-I-R. I'm just saying Hank's got the training. Okay, I don't know anything about a bed.
Speaker 2A bed can recognize that he's in a multiverse.
Speaker 1Okay, oh, I didn't change the. You gotta change the setting dude, I didn't do that. I don't know how to? I never use this.
Speaker 2So hit up on the swipe up on the thing down there.
Speaker 1Or.
Speaker 3I can just do it.
Speaker 2Might have to do it so if I do ask anything, I type in. Okay, well, you gotta do the. Let me see, that's it. Swipe up right here. Where do you go to get to?
Speaker 3you don't even know. I don't know what y'all are doing.
Speaker 2I'm trying to get up to that list right there.
Speaker 1Alright, then tell us, pick a number alright, pick a number between 1 and 16.
Speaker 23 alright, and then I want 16 the Bridge of Khazad-dum and Katanas. Oh snap.
Speaker 3Hanks got the power. If they clash with swords, he's got the power to knock him off.
Speaker 2Abed will definitely know everything about Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 1Where do?
Speaker 2I type in these numbers, just type in they fight in the Bridge of Khazad-Dum with Katanas. Yeah, abed will know everything in Lord of the Rings, all right. That doesn't do him any good though it will, he'll know like to run.
Speaker 3He'll know don't fall off of this. There's nothing down there.
Speaker 2He'll know to run in a direction and then like get the golems, he'll speak. He'll speak the goblin speak, but they're on, and he'll speak the goblin speech to get them to attack him. He'll convince them that he is a goblin, yeah, or he'll cast a spell or something. So I've got. You can't cast spells as much of a nerd as Marshall was. Abed is a god amongst nerds.
Speaker 3So what you're saying is Hank's definitely going to out-superior him in physicality.
Speaker 2Maybe, In physicality.
Speaker 3Maybe In physicality it's loading.
Speaker 1It's loading. It's loading. I'm trying to.
Speaker 3I've never AI'd so I do it all the time.
Speaker 2What are you talking about, Mitch?
Speaker 3Who can be who? Deathstroke and Nightwing.
Speaker 1Hank Schrader wins nine and a half. How about no? Consistent with his dominance over a bed in the pit. Here's the breakdown Hank's oh, it did the load thing.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1Kicked it up.
Speaker 2Who did Hank fight before Abed?
Speaker 3Castle.
Speaker 1The bridge that caused the Doom's narrow high-stakes setup, like your favorite cinematic locations, amplifies Hank's combat experience and grit over Abed's creative but ineffective improvisation. Hank's precise katana strikes a tactical mind honed against deadlier foes than Rick Castle, over one of Abed's movie-inspired antics.
Speaker 3That's funny, that's right, hank's my man, my boy.
Speaker 2All right, let's do Hank versus.
Speaker 3Well, it's his person.
Speaker 2So then I got to type in oh okay, because it's your guys fighting, okay, all right, versus Dr Cox. So then I gotta type it in oh okay, because it's your guys fighting, okay, alright, versus Dr Cox.
Speaker 3Dr Cox where's he? From. I mean, I don't know who's he from. Do I just have to type from Scrubs, scrubs okay, oops.
Speaker 2Do I have to type in Cox, or will it know like? Does it need to be Perry Cox?
Speaker 3probably, I think, perry Cox. If you can tell the full name, it'll be more accurate.
Speaker 1First of all, Ulysses Cox, MD MD. He's good with a scalpel. I mean obviously in fantastic shape, incredibly Machiavellian mindset.
Speaker 2Hank's a cop Cox is angry and athletic and willing to fight One through 16?
Speaker 112.
Speaker 2Okay and Eight. Okay, all right, so it's Santa's workshop and an axe.
Speaker 3Let's see what you got Hank's not going to do it. It's Santa's workshop. He's going to be like what the heck are all these things?
Speaker 1Dr Cox doesn't believe in Santa, he's not even going to think he's there.
Speaker 3He's going to be thinking, he's hallucinating the two of them are both going to be like this is dumb.
Speaker 1You want to go to a bar and get drunk? Yep Is. Is your wife a?
Speaker 3I definitely think Hank has the physical superiority there and endurance.
Speaker 2I think Perry has him beat.
Speaker 3Keep talking. It's thinking I mean using an axe, though Hank's used to.
Speaker 1Perry's a big dude. The gritty fighting Perry's a very large man.
Hank Schrader's Unstoppable Rise
Speaker 3Oh yeah, I think Hank's still got it. He's got that versatility, he's got that grit.
Speaker 1He's been in fights. So's I think Hank's still got it. He's got that versatility, he's got that grit. He's been in fights. So has Dr Cox. He punched Dr Kelso in the face.
Speaker 3Well, I wouldn't say those are fights and knocked him out.
Speaker 2As you know, the AI names the rounds. Round one Festive Fury.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2I know Round two Workshop Wreck.
Speaker 1That's so dumb.
Speaker 2Round three the Final Chop wreck. That's so dumb. Round three the final chop, the final chop. Who wins Nine out of ten times? Hank Schrader. Yes, my boy Hank. Yeah, it's because of his. He likes the Santa's Workshop's tactical setting. It amplifies his combat expertise over Perry's emotional, untrained swings. Yeah, he just cries.
Speaker 3Emotional yeah, it's angry, like you said he just cries, it's just swinging.
Speaker 1It's just rage.
Speaker 2Let's see here.
Speaker 1She controls emotions.
Speaker 2Hank stands over a sprawled, sprawled Perry, ax lowered, as as the workshop sprinklers douse tensile fires, he offers a hand, gr gruffly, saying stick to doctoring cocks, Perry, bloodied but defiant snaps, and you stick to busted punks meathead. They limp away, elves, sweeping up the mess. So Thanks to man, all right, boom, you guys have to deal with this while I pee. It's your turn.
Speaker 3No, I just went.
Speaker 2Oh my bad, all right, I guess you can do the phoning okay, so we got hank, let's do, uh, the janitor from scrubs which is it's just the janitor. He doesn't have a name. Okay, the janitor from scrubs from Scrowth.
Speaker 3So if we win, we're going to have the janitor?
Speaker 2Yeah, he doesn't have a name. Alright pick two numbers, 15 and 15.
Speaker 3Okay, inside the con airplane.
Speaker 2Oh man, I already picked that one.
Speaker 3With revolvers, oh man.
Speaker 2I don't know. The janitor is really a sharpshooter with his bleach bottles, with his bleach bottles.
Speaker 3Yeah, hanes, hanes, hank's superiority with firearms, I definitely think, gives it to him. You're like, yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2No guarantee. The janitor is a master of disguise On a plane there's two of them. He can disguise as Hank. I don't think he's looking in a mirror. He's always setting traps. You know Always playing great pranks. You know there's plenty of cleaning supplies.
Speaker 3Are there on a play? Yeah, they carry all those chemicals. Yeah, I feel pretty confident about this.
Speaker 2Well, yeah, do you not? I think I got it.
Speaker 3Hank Schrader wins 9.5 out of 10 times well, damn it let's see everything jumped again. Hank wins 9 out of 10 times. Conair's plane cramped, turbulent setup amplifies Hank's firearms expertise and grit over the janitor's creative but ineffective chaos. Hank's precise revolver shots and tactical mind, honed against deadlier foes, overwhelm the janitor's pranks and wild firing. I'm running out of people.
Speaker 2How many you got left on your list.
Speaker 3One, two, three, four, Four more people after Hank.
Speaker 2How about you?
Speaker 3Two. Hank stands over a sprawled janitor revolver empty. As the plane's engines roar he offers a hand, gruffly saying stick to cleaning pal. The janitor, bloodied but smirking, replies this will make a killer scrub spinoff. They limp to the cargo. Hold the convicts, jeers fading all right, all right, so we got hank versus ron swanson oh yeah, that's that's gonna be a tough one there ron swanson swans swanson's versed in, uh, all sorts of apocalyptic weaponry from his survival stuff. All right.
Speaker 1Telling Adam Scott, who had a crossbow in his hand while he had a full, he goes he's like I'm pretty sure that I'm more dangerous with this full than you are with that crossbow, and he's like, yeah, I'd agree, Pick a number one through 16, Tom. Four.
Speaker 2All right, WWE arena.
Speaker 1Oh yeah.
Speaker 2Mitch.
Speaker 1Ron's dojo.
Speaker 2Knife. Alright, let me open up this thing. You guys talk while I argue it.
Speaker 3It's Ron Swanson. It's.
Speaker 1Hank Schrader Ron's never lost, he's a weapon expert. Ron cried twice Once when he was run over by a school bus when he was eight. And when he found out, little Sebastian died Little.
Speaker 3Sebastian.
Speaker 1I saw the flags were at half mast Show some damn respect. That's too damn high.
Speaker 3Hank's gonna take away all his ability and power by shaving him with a knife.
Speaker 1Ron Swanson knocked Star-Lord, unconscious, that's true, that was fat Star-Lord, though. Keep talking. It's Ron Swanson. It's like the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. I will turn you from boys to men, from men into gladiators, from gladiators into Swanson's.
Speaker 3Behold, I'm just saying they're in a WWE arena and you know, Hank is the indoor fighting kind of guy. He's a cop, you know he does the defensive tactics on the mat Hank. He's more of an outdoorsman.
Speaker 1I don't know why that matters. I don't know why that matters, but I'm just telling you, ron knocked Chris Pratt out in a dojo. I don't know why that matters. I don't know why that matters, but I'm just telling you, ron knocked Chris Pratt out in a dojo.
Speaker 2It's two. You know short fat guys.
Speaker 1One has a mustache.
Speaker 2One does have a mustache. Round one ring rumble. Round two arena anarchy.
Speaker 1Round three final cut Ron, don't subscribe to his nonsense.
Speaker 2Hank Schrader wins 8.5 out of 10 times.
Speaker 1He beats Ron Swanson this is Hank's actual training.
Speaker 2Hank's DEA training makes him a close quarters master.
Speaker 3Yes, DEA training.
Speaker 2With precise knife fighting skills and blah blah blah.
Speaker 1Did he know the?
Speaker 2weird symbols on Ron's will meant yeah, ron's an experienced whittler, isn't he? Let's see here. Hank stands over a pinned Ron, knife lowered. As the WWE crowd roars, he offers a hand gruffly saying stick the whittle in Swanson. Ron, bloody but stoic, replies fair fight, I'll carve your badge later. They limp from the crowd chanting.
Speaker 3Because no one could die in this fight. Imagine if we did an action hero fight this way.
Speaker 2I think we might be stuck with Hank yeah that's right, all right, I don't know why, but yeah, hank versus Uncle Phil, let's do this, pulling out the big guns. All right, give me a know why. But yeah, hank versus Uncle Phil, let's do this.
Speaker 1Pulling out the big guns. All right, give me a number between 1 and 16. 7.
Speaker 3Hayden 13.
Speaker 27 and 13.
Speaker 1All right, and that is.
Speaker 3Now I'll give it to you. Uncle Phil can throw people a long ways, You'd see him throw jazz the hedge maze with a chain, ooh.
Speaker 2Hmm, all right, all right. Well, I feel like there's no combat. Hank has no combat experience whipping a chain around, so it's equal footing on that and it's a hedge maze what?
Speaker 3combat experience does Uncle Phil have, besides throwing jazz out the door?
Speaker 2I feel like Uncle Phil's fought tooth and nail to acquire his wealth. He's a rich judge. He probably started with nothing. He came a long way. He can put the law down. He knows the law better than Hank does, Does he? He does because he's a judge.
Speaker 1So, and you know, push comes to shove and a great pool player.
Speaker 2And he's a great pool player and push comes to shove. You know, uncle Phil, pound for pound, quite literally. I think he's got it. I think he's got it. I feel pretty confident about this. What's your argument?
Speaker 3Well, Hank actually knows how to fight. He actually knows how to use weapons. He's actually been in real fights, I mean.
Speaker 2Not just scraps. Scraps Like fights, fights Okay, but like you know, I feel like there's enough touch and go with Uncle.
Speaker 1Phil Maze melee Labyrinth lunge Central showdown.
Speaker 3And I definitely feel like Hank has the endurance, even though he's a big guy too. Hank does not have the endurance.
Speaker 2You're right.
Speaker 3More so than Uncle Phil, I'm ready.
Speaker 1Hank wins.
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 1Eight out of ten times.
Speaker 2You got any other big guns over there?
Speaker 1I got one left, oh no.
Speaker 3Tom's about to be out of this.
Speaker 1All right, he does not have a last name. You might have to write the show.
Speaker 2Hank Schrader. Versus.
Speaker 1Wayne from Letter Kenny.
Speaker 2Wayne from.
Speaker 3Is this your big gun? You've been hanging on to.
Speaker 1It's the toughest guy in letter Kenny. The whole show is predicated on him beating the brakes off of people.
Speaker 3What am I at 16? Nine Jurassic.
Speaker 2Park Lab Alright Tom.
Speaker 1Eleven.
Speaker 2Hammer Back to that.
Speaker 1Alright Wayne works on a farm.
Speaker 2That's true.
Speaker 1He uses hammers. You see him use them in the show. He is an astute wordsmith, tactical genius and the toughest guy in all of Letter County.
Speaker 3Hank is a DEA agent. He has that training.
Speaker 1Yeah, wayne beats the living crap out of a lot of people.
Speaker 2The AI did not have to think hard about it, hmm.
Speaker 1Apparently, Hank is 5'11" Wayne's like 6'2", wayne is 6'2".
Speaker 2Hmm, round one, lab lurch, round two tech tangle.
Speaker 1Wayne's never lost a fight.
Speaker 2I think until now. Round three, final smash.
Speaker 3You're like I think it's all down.
Speaker 2Who wins Hank Schrader 7.5 out of 10 times, it's closer though it's bollocks, it's closer.
Speaker 3Hank Schrader the average Joe beat down man Hank's got a few more.
Speaker 2I do.
Speaker 1It was all funny games when it was Marshall Erickson, wasn't it Hayden Brann?
Speaker 2It was. Hank stands over a pinned Wayne, hammer lowered. As the lab's alarms blare, he offers a hand, gruffly saying stick to the farm, buddy Wayne, bloodied but smirking.
Speaker 1That's your buddy guy.
Speaker 2Draws, you're alright, first city boy Nah.
Speaker 1Wayne wouldn't have said that. What would he have said? He wouldn't have lost, it wouldn't have mattered. He would have knocked out Hank and then pulled out a cigarette and, after he threw the punch in one motion, lit a dart and had a shot of Puppenbrews and kept on walking.
Speaker 3You just can't beat Hank Schrader. I'm just saying All right, he was a breaking bad.
Speaker 2Let's move on to Joey Tribbiani.
Speaker 3I think Joey kills himself on accident.
Speaker 2I don't know what to do. Let's see, your Hank is one, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times. He's almost caught up to Marshall, oh yeah, all right.
Speaker 1Give us a location Number between one and ten, or one and sixteen.
Speaker 2Four have we done that one yet?
Speaker 1WWE arena Six.
Speaker 2Bar from Cheers WWE arena Six. Bar from Cheers Nah Seven.
Speaker 3Just give us one. We haven't done.
Speaker 1Hedge maze.
Speaker 3Eight, just give us one. We haven't done.
Speaker 1Factory from Terminator 2.
Speaker 3Let's do that one. So you want to fight Hank in a factory?
Speaker 1Mitch one through 16? Two Glock.
Speaker 2Stop picking two. You can't do it.
Speaker 3Okay, we won't do two, just pick one that we haven't done yet Crossbow Okay.
Speaker 2Oh man, Joey's going to kill himself.
Speaker 3He's going to fall in the molten pit.
Speaker 2Yeah, he's going to shoot himself in the foot. Try to load it. He's like to fall in the molten pit. Yeah, he's going to shoot himself in the foot. Try to load it.
Speaker 3He's like pulling the string back and shoots himself in the foot.
Speaker 2He's going to go ah and fall in the pit. He'll still do the like how you, doing as he slays down.
Speaker 3If Joey wins, hank will be laying there dead, how you doing Holding the crossbar.
Speaker 2Yeah if Joey wins but he won't He'll probably say that if he loses too. Well, I don't know, Maybe he can act his way into being a better, superior fighter.
Speaker 3You don't think he can trick him into thinking that he's somebody else?
Speaker 2Yeah, maybe he'll pretend that he's a Terminator and it'll scare Hank Hank.
Speaker 1Schrader wins 9.9 out of 10 times.
Speaker 3The biggest beat so far.
Speaker 2That was bad, oh, joey, why?
Speaker 1Oh my God, who's your next person?
Speaker 2All right, you want to say the stupid quips that they say All right, you want to say the stupid quips that they say All right.
Speaker 1Hank and Joey battered, slump against the crate Crossbows, discarded Joey muses. I could pitch this as a Friends the action movie, hank wiping blood grunts. Tell it to your agent, all right.
Speaker 2Hank, wiping blood, grunts, tell it to your agent. All right, well, I've been avoiding this one, but no, I'll hold off on this one. Let's do.
Speaker 3It doesn't matter, I've got to fight. You're the only one left anyway.
Speaker 2Let's do Stefan, not Steve Urkel. Stefan Stefan, yeah, stefan Urkel.
Speaker 1Stefan.
Speaker 2Yeah, the cool one.
Speaker 1I don't know if it'll even do that. Why wouldn't?
Speaker 2it If it says Steve Erkel, I'm going to lose.
Speaker 1It's going to be 9.99.
Speaker 2Is it S-T-E-F-A-N?
Speaker 3Yeah, but there's an asterisk over the you can't do asterisks.
Speaker 2But Just like Steve, can you just say Steve Erkel's alter ego, or something like that?
Speaker 3Like Steve. Can you just say Steve Urkel's alter ego or something like that? Yeah, just type that in Steve Urkel's alter ego.
Speaker 2Stefan, alter ego, and then you pick the locations.
Speaker 3Try and pick them in my favor, pick them in your favor, because Urkel's used weapons before.
Speaker 2Yeah, stefan. No, how do you spell Urkel U-R-K-L-E?
Speaker 3Yeah, urkel.
Speaker 2U-R-K-L-E. Yeah or Kale. Yeah, stefan or Kale.
Speaker 3Yeah, no matter what, I think Hank wins though. Stefan has no weapons training whatsoever. I don't think he's ever been in a fight.
Speaker 2He's cool, though he's cool. Remember that episode where he took all the pencils and he threw them up into the ceiling and they stuck into the ceiling and they made a heart.
Speaker 3Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, is that what you're going?
Speaker 2to do here, yeah.
Speaker 1I don't know.
Speaker 2Feel pretty good about it All right.
Speaker 1Old West Street.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1With Brass knuckles.
Speaker 2Okay, have we used all of their weapons? No, no, not all of their weapons?
Speaker 1No, no, not at all. The other one's an MP5. Let's do the brass knuckles.
Speaker 3Yeah, let's go with that, Stephon.
Speaker 2you know, I feel like Stephon could throw down.
Speaker 3Probably. I mean, he does have some youth on his side, that's right.
Speaker 2That's right. I don't know. I feel like we kind of broke the bank here with Hank Break the bank Message limit reached.
Speaker 3Oh, what does that mean? I don't know.
Speaker 1It says message limit reached. Please try again in an hour.
Speaker 2Oh, you don't pay for this.
Speaker 3No, why would I pay for that? No, you know how we do that we go to the next AI app.
Speaker 2I've got three of them. The AIs could be biased. They could be. Marshall could still be in the fight.
Speaker 1I don't think so.
Speaker 3Let's see this one's loading up here. I'll chat. Gpt. Now the verdict's a draw, what?
Final Showdowns and Tournament Conclusion
Speaker 1are you going't have a draw? Well, we need winners on this show. Well, just to see, on the last one, while you guys were talking, I did Hank Schrader versus Dean Winchester in the same setting, like the factory or whatever, with hammers or whatever we did with crossbows.
Speaker 2You wasted one of our things. I did For science.
Speaker 1Just to see if Schrader could be defeated by somebody of higher caliber. And he won Hank won 6.5 out of 10. Against who? Against Dean Winchester. Oh, we all know Dean would probably mop the floor.
Speaker 2Dean can't die. He's got all these weapons and stuff and tattoos that keep him. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3Anyways, hank Schrader wins. It doesn't give me a number out of 10. It says not pretty, not elegant, but in a brawl with brass knuckles in the Wild West, raw power and relentless grit beat style and charm All right.
Speaker 2I got two more. All right, I'll save the one that I think could win for last. But I was saving this next one because I was avoiding having to fight him with Hank, and it's Jesse Pinkman. Hank is beating up Jesse in the show, so so who's your next guy? All right, give me a when at Just pick a location we haven't used. Pick a location that's not good for Hank, I don't know, like a treetop.
Speaker 1A desert. Let's see the RV.
Speaker 3Somewhere we haven't been Top of the Cliffs of Insanity.
Speaker 2All right, let's do that one the Cliffs of.
Speaker 1Insanity.
Speaker 2And what's a weapon that we haven't used before? Not the MP5. No firearms no firearms here.
Speaker 3Let's see Weapon we haven't used, hmm.
Speaker 2Can there be a crystal meth lab? Is that one?
Speaker 3Really there's no weapon we haven't used. That's not a gun of some sort.
Speaker 2Oh, I don't know, not a gun. Just pick something that's not a gun.
Speaker 3Um, how We'll go with a chain.
Speaker 2Okay, come on, jesse, jesse.
Speaker 3The fight kicks off raw. Hank charges in chains, whipping like a bull whip. Trying to end it early, jesse ducks, barely dodging a crushing blow. He's scrappy, rolling in gravel, grabbing rocks. Using the terrain, he swings his chain wide, catching Hank's leg, tripping him. Hank roars and yanks Jesse in like a fish on a hook. Let's see. Oh my God, the winner Jesse, yes, this is. Let let's see. Oh my god, the winner jesse, yes, this is. Uh, let's see. In a final brutal moment, both are at the cliff's edge, chains tangled around them. One slip could be fatal. Jesse uses hank's momentum against him, sidesteps, pulls hard. Hank stumbles forward, but the chain catches jesse's ankle. They both go over chains, unravel in midair like metallic snakes as they plummet. Only one hand catches the edge.
Speaker 1Jesse pinkman pulls himself up yeah, I like that chat better. We should have did that earlier, let's start over.
Speaker 3Let's start over it's like another time than everybody left it's one I'm just 20
Speaker 1in the morning and my wife's asleep on the couch.
Speaker 2I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1Jesse versus who. Oh my god, how many people do you have left I?
Speaker 3don't have. I've got 4 people Charles Eagles, warzone Goulet.
Speaker 2Pick a number 2 7, now 2, let's do 2 Glock pistol. Who am I fighting? Pick a number Two no seven, now two. Let's do two Glock pistol. All right, who am I fighting again?
Speaker 3Charles Engel. Who's that from Little House on the Prairie? Oh, okay.
Speaker 2He's not a work Glock pistol?
Speaker 3No, he does not. Oh well, the Gulag showdown. Jesse immediately crouch walks, scanning like he's in a bad deal gone worse. Uh, charles starts, confused, maybe yelling what in tarnation, while trying to understand the hellscape what the? Verdict jesse wins 51 out of 49 times.
Speaker 2Wow, 51 out of 49 times.
Speaker 3Or 51 to 49. Okay, Barely Just because he's used to panic, fear and chaos. Charles is a tank, but in a modern fight with a Glock, Pinkwin's slightly better prepared for the madness.
Speaker 2Unless Charles channels full pioneer rage, Jesse's the favorite by a hair, just yells Oklahoma and charges at him.
Speaker 3What in?
Speaker 2darnation. What in Darnay what?
Speaker 3in Darnay Alright.
Speaker 2Did you have the best list, Tom? What happened? He did.
Speaker 1I feel like I was sabotaged by crappy AI.
Speaker 3Marshall Erickson ran through them. Yeah, you're getting Tim Riggins. Where's he from Friday Night Lights?
Speaker 2Oh, no, alright let's see, let's do 12 and 9. 12 and 9.
Speaker 39?
Speaker 29?.
Speaker 1Because I really look at these. Wayne from Letterkenny should have beat the crap out of everybody.
Speaker 3You say that, but I don't even know who he is.
Speaker 1Because you never watched Letterkenny.
Speaker 3Deck of the Black Pearl. Okay.
Speaker 2With hedge clippers, all right, and I'm fighting a.
Speaker 3Tim.
Speaker 2Riggins Football guy. Yeah Well, Jesse's killed men with his bare hands. I feel pretty good about this.
Speaker 3Tim Riggens is good at fighting, not as good as Wayne, not as good as Wayne. Oh, let's see the fight. The bell tolls. There's a bell, now Go with it. Jesse makes his first move, lunging for the hedge clipper, slipping slightly Meth's shoes. Don the hedge clippers Slightly slipping slightly meth shoes Don't have good grip. Tim seizes the moment, shoulder checks Jesse into the mast. Cause, oh cause, we're fighting on the black Pearl with hedge clippers.
Speaker 3Jesse rebounds with a wild left hook, yelling something about magnets. Tim gets the clippers, jesse backs off trying to MacGyver a weapon out of a broken deck plank and a belt buckle. Tim swings, misses by inches. Jesse ducks, tackles him low. They tumble. Clippers clatter across the deck, lightning flash. They both dive Hands clash on the handle. Jesse bites. Dirty move but effective, tim shouts. Jesse yanks the Clippers free. Stab, just like I did to me when Vince.
Speaker 2Apparently I picked all the sleeper kills. Yeah, oh man.
Speaker 3How many you got left? Mitch, two, all right. All right, tom, pick a number.
Speaker 2Eight. After this, we can do Wayne versus Hank in this AI.
Speaker 1If he would have won, or Ron Swanson? Yeah, rust Cole. Yeah, and Marshall took him out which doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
Speaker 3With what weapon? Just pick a weapon. Who's fighting you? Jesse Pinkman and Jack Arnold. Who's Jack Arnold, the dad from Wonder Years? Oh my God.
Speaker 1Huh, what were the options? Can I see the list? Can you hold it up real fast?
Speaker 3Yes, Tom.
Speaker 1Here.
Speaker 3I meant like pick a number.
Speaker 1One.
Speaker 3With a knife, okay.
Speaker 1Knife fight.
Speaker 3Stabby stab.
Speaker 1Like your son.
Speaker 3We're fighting with knives in a factory.
Speaker 1I'm really happy your son, thomas Seidel, tend to see some sighted.
Speaker 2He's somewhat better. Every once in a while I'll load his Nerf gun and point it at people. He's like huh, he'll headshot people. I'll just be watching TV and he'll be like, in my eye He'll just giggle and get so mad at him.
Speaker 3The fight. Jesse stumbles in, bloodied but determined. He's breathing, he's breathing hard. Jack's already there, stoic, still like he owns the place. The silence is tense. No witty banter, just a mutual understanding. Only one walks out. Jesse lunges first, sloppy but fast. Jack sidesteps like he's swatting a fly, slashing Jesse's arm. The younger man growls getting up more pissed off than before. Jack's cold controlled oh, it's military training, what Oops? But Jesse's wild. He doesn't fight fair. He throws a handful of dust into Jack's eyes, grabs a chain hanging from the ceiling and swings around like some punk MacGyver. A few lucky shots land, blood hits the concrete In the end, uh, let's see Come on Anticipation here man.
Speaker 3It says if it's early Jesse, or if it's post-series Jesse, we'll go with post-series. He's hardened, smart, desperate Jesse, bloody, limping knife in hand, walks out of the factory into the night. Behind him, jack's body lies still beneath flickering overhead lights.
Speaker 2This one's way more violent than the other one. Yeah, this one's way better.
Speaker 1We should have did this entire one with that All right, I'm on my last one Down to your last man, jim, from.
Speaker 3According to Jim.
Speaker 2Okay, jesse versus Jim.
Speaker 1Can Jesse be like Senzu being Rehealed now Cause it.
Speaker 2It seems like he's like carrying on From one fight To the next fight. It does kinda sound that way. Yeah, he's like Stumbles in bloody. That's not fair. I mean, he's doing Pretty awesome.
Speaker 1After he killed Hank Schrader While yelling Magnets.
Speaker 3Alright just pick. Pick a location. It can be anywhere.
Speaker 1Subway. All right, pick a weapon, Tom. Subway sandwich.
Speaker 2Apparently Tom is hungry Ladles.
Speaker 3How do you spell ladle L-A-D-L-E? I didn't know if it was two D's or not. Spoons like the genozachi ok, well, here we go the world's most horribly slow murder alright, let's see.
Speaker 1I should have picked that one, did you know?
Speaker 3such the spot, the spot. They spot the lone ladle glinting under flickering fluorescent lights, the lone ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle.
Speaker 3Both make a break for it. Jesse's move Quick. He gets there first, grabs the ladle, starts swinging like it's a medieval mace. He's fast, but Jim absorbs one hit with his thick forearm and just growls. Jim's move he bum, rushes Jesse with that linebacker energy, tackles him to a bench. Jesse drops the ladle. Now it's fists and fury. Jesse tries to scramble, maybe even scream yo as a distraction, but Jim sits on him full weight. Jesse thrashes but Jim grabs the ladle, holds it up like Excalibur and bonks him into submission. Jim wins barely. It's messy and he probably throws out his bag. Pure sizing grit. Chicago dad rage, overpowering Jesse's chaotic energy. Chicago dad rage, he's a big Chicago Bears fan Bears.
Speaker 2Jesse had a good little run there, but you got me down to my final boss, luther. He's going to win.
Speaker 1Yeah, I want to pick the weaponry in the location again. That was funny.
Speaker 2We should do it where we just don't have a list. Let's stick an odd guy out next time, just pick random stuff.
Speaker 3Pick a place.
Speaker 1Skyscraper rooftop.
Speaker 3All right. What kind of weapon?
Speaker 1Ooh Gun Come on now.
Speaker 3Come on no.
Speaker 1No, he's a British cop. They don't get those.
Speaker 3No influence from the peanut gallery.
Speaker 2Give him a billy club Slapjacks.
Speaker 1A blackjack. What's a fun weapon that nobody really uses or thinks about?
Speaker 2A boomerang Throwing darts.
Speaker 1A didgeridoo.
Speaker 2A didgeridoo. That's not a weapon.
Speaker 1Not with that attitude.
Speaker 3All right, come on, it's the last one.
Speaker 1Saxophones. All right, okay, it's made out of metal.
Speaker 2After Luther wins, he's going to play Careless Whisper.
Speaker 1It's going to be Baker Street by Jerry Rafferty.
Speaker 3All right, let's break this wild matchup down. Let's see.
Speaker 1Even the AI is like okay.
Speaker 3Both start 20 feet apart. The only weapons saxophones.
Speaker 3Jim opens with some bravado trying to psych Luther out with bluesy riffs and dad jokes. Luther doesn't flinch. He immediately weaponizes the sax like a bludgeon. Jim's got heart and maybe one could whack at him, but Luther is just too precise. He sidesteps, disarms and sudden death. It ends with a swift move. Luther wins. Unless this is a cartoon version of Jim where plot armor exists, I'll see Luther's assassin instincts and combat skill outmatch Jim's dad strength and charm. Saxophones or not, this is over in one clean hit. But if Jim gets the lucky shot in and the rooftop has some loose shingles or slapstick potential, there's a tiny chance he pulls off a surprise win. Tiny chance, think banana peel energy. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2Tiny? I don't think so.
Speaker 1I think Luther's won.
Speaker 2And I have one. It was down to the last guy we got. I thought for sure Tom was going to win.
Speaker 1Tom. It's down to the last guy we got. I thought for sure Tom was going to win. Tom thought that too.
Speaker 2Tom's been out for half an hour yeah.
Speaker 1I was about to just go to bed.
Speaker 3Did you lock up when you leave? Yes, the average joke beat down. Win by Luther from Luther.
Speaker 2All right, what's that social media? One more time, tom yeah.
Speaker 1Luther, luther one. If you enjoyed this and I don't know why. It was pretty funny and you want to hear more content like this. You can check us out at entertainthispodcastcom. We're also on X, Instagram and TikTok at entertainthis underscore, and check us out on Patreon at patreoncom. Forward slash entertainthis underscore.
Speaker 2Should do sitcom wives next.
Speaker 1I'm picking Lois from Malcolm in the Middle. She's evil, she's mean. She held a teddy bear in a fireplace that was on fire to give Francis the business while yelling at him, and didn't flinch while sustaining Burns.
Speaker 2I don't know, if Fran Dreschner's got that, my Fair Lady, oh yeah, got that street smarts.
Speaker 3Alright.
Speaker 2That was fun. Well, until next time, I'm Hayden.
Speaker 3I'm Mitch.
Speaker 2I'm Tom, goodbye.
Speaker 1I feel like your AI. Let us all down and make it like a just a fight.
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