Entertain This!
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Join Hayden, Mitch, and Tom with upcoming movie, tv show, and game news. Listen to reviews and off the wall facts, while providing a comedic spin with our opinions on the matter. Join us for amazing behind the scene interviews. The one true original "Entertain This" podcast.
Entertain This!
The Average Joe Beatdown: Who's the Toughest Mediocre Guy?
Who would emerge victorious in a fight between your favorite TV dads, sidekicks, and everyday characters? That's the question at the heart of our hilariously chaotic "Average Joe Beatdown" tournament, where we pit characters like Fonzie, Marshall Erickson, and Hank Schrader against each other in increasingly absurd showdowns.
The rules are simple: no characters with military backgrounds or supernatural abilities—just regular folks thrown into extraordinary combat scenarios. What begins as a straightforward tournament quickly descends into delightful madness as the competitors face off in locations ranging from the Batcave to Santa's Workshop, wielding everything from brass knuckles to saxophones.
The tournament takes unexpected turns when Marshall Erickson, the gentle giant from How I Met Your Mother, goes on a shocking winning streak. prompting increasingly bewildered reactions from us as hosts. Throughout these fictional battles, we debate each character's hidden strengths, unlikely skills, and potential strategies. Would Ron Swanson's woodworking expertise translate to combat prowess? Could Dr. Cox's medical knowledge give him an edge in a fight? These questions lead to passionate debates, surprising insights, and moments of pure comedic gold.
By the final duel on a skyscraper rooftop, only one character can claim the title of ultimate Average Joe champion. Listen now to discover who emerges victorious, and let us know your dream match ups for our next tournament! Follow us at entertainthispodcast.com or on social media @entertainthis_ to join the conversation about which everyday character would truly dominate in a fight.
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The Gaming BlenderWe mash genres. We pitch games. You question our sanity.
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In 2020, hayden made two friends start a podcast with him. They promptly went home and watched some movies. Today they survive his podcast as a fortune. If you want to entertain if there are no other podcasts, if you have Spotify, you can listen to Entertain this Well done, well done. Well done. I don't even know if we're one-taking these or if it's just like, oh, he nailed the first take. Or it's just like, no, we're just not going to bother trying it again, Just go with it.
Speaker 2:It's fine. It's fine, it's the charm. People get what they're getting. I got what you were putting down, yeah.
Speaker 1:I still think the Law.
Speaker 3:Order one was like the best.
Speaker 2:Hey, hello, welcome To Entertain this.
Speaker 1:Exclamation point.
Speaker 2:A podcast about movies, tv shows and video games. My name is Hayden. With me I have Mitch, hello and Tom.
Speaker 1:Hi Tom.
Speaker 3:Today we're discussing the Average Joe Beatdown.
Speaker 2:It's like the speed version. I didn't want to do all that one word thing.
Speaker 1:Hey, welcome to Entertain this. This is a podcast of one of the most TV shows and video games. My name is Simon. With me, I'm Vincent Hayden. Check us out on EntertainThisPodcastcom. We're also on Instagram and TikTok at EntertainThis underscore. You can also check us out on Patreon at patreoncom forward slash.
Speaker 2:EntertainThis underscore attention to yeah, we'll hit that again at the end we'll touch on that later all right average joe. Beat down mitch.
Speaker 3:Explain how this is going to work well, we did an action turn, our action hero tournament before, where we all picked 10 different action heroes from movies and they, basically we pit them against each other.
Speaker 1:I remember which one we did, that lasted like eight rounds and just wasn't beaten.
Speaker 3:I don't remember who it was. Basically, we'll each pick. We each have our ten people, which are considered average Joes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Tom made these rules and he slipped in like the Predator and stuff like that I was like what are you talking about?
Speaker 3:Tom made the rule of nobody with a military background, and his first person was Walker Texas Ranger.
Speaker 1:I was like what the heck and Rip Whe? Nobody with a military background and his first person was walker, texas ranger and rip wheeler.
Speaker 2:It's because you were scared because when you rip wheeler would have won to add in more specificities into this specificity. Yeah, uh they. They got to be like a dude that's not actively looking to like get into violence yeah, like al bundy, none of us picked him but and they're not in a supernatural setting of any sort, yeah right like dean Winchester, that Tom tried to pick Right. So Okay, all right. So like we're aching more to like sitcom dads, but we have the occasional cop that like slips through the cracks here.
Speaker 2:So one of mine might be a little ridiculous, but man.
Speaker 3:All right, I feel outgunned in this, just saying Out of the list that we picked, yeah well we'll see how it goes, Tom's like don't be bothered by who's going to beat who. All right, so does anybody want to volunteer to have their people go first?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll throw one out there. All right, let's do, fonzie.
Speaker 1:All right, I'll throw out uh mine my number 10, sam malone from cheers.
Speaker 3:Let's see former pro pitcher.
Speaker 1:So god, if there's any baseballs around, oh no, well, watch out I mean the fonzie's pretty he might peg him in the head at 90 miles an hour. Fonzie's pretty lucky and give him brain brain damage.
Speaker 3:All right, let's see You're going to be fighting in the Batcave. Okay, and let me find the thing here. Phone doesn't want to work right, and?
Speaker 1:The show's predicated on your phone working well. Mitch, you both have a hammer.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right. Well, I'll start my argument first. On your phone working. Well, mitch, you both have a hammer. Okay, all right. Well, I'll start my argument first. I feel like the Fonz could just slap a random bat computer machine device and then good things will happen.
Speaker 1:Nah, he bumps it with his fessy zoop. Yeah, that's what I do. He does it to jukeboxes an elbow.
Speaker 2:And then a Gatling gun will pop out and just kill a Cheers guy, ted Danson, ted Danson, yeah.
Speaker 1:Huh, is that your argument?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and in the worst-case scenario, just throw a hammer.
Speaker 1:Why would you throw the hammer and not hit it?
Speaker 2:Because he's got to keep his distance. I don't know. I recall one fight that the Fonz was in in Happy Days and it was just like goofy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he gets beat up by Tom Hanks.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oof, he jumped a shark. Yeah, that's, true, he did jump a shark On a surfboard. He did jump a shark In a leather jacket.
Speaker 2:He was so lucky that he started a movie trend, didn't even get wet, that's right. So I feel pretty good about Fonzie.
Speaker 1:Well, Sam Malone, I believe, was a former pro pitcher, which implies some sort of athleticism and training that he would have had In his day In his day. He's still in his 30s, he's not, you know.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying Fonzie's like barely out of high school. Yeah, but he looks like he's 42 and he's hanging out with high school kids.
Speaker 1:He's got the demeanor. Oh, you know what? Sit on it, Potsy.
Speaker 2:You don't say that to Fonz.
Speaker 1:They did say it to him To.
Speaker 2:Fonz.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Mrs Cunningham said it to him.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, sit and spin.
Speaker 1:He's somebody who has. Obviously he has a considerable height and distance advantage over Henry Winkler.
Speaker 2:We're not talking about Henry Winkler.
Speaker 1:Over the Fonz. The Fonz is a short fella, he's a little fella and Sam Malone is probably like 6'4" and in decent shape, I think. The Fonz, I mean he has to run a bar, he's got to throw drunks out.
Speaker 2:I think the Fonz has got enough luck and charisma and he'll be able to beat up Ted Danson without having to comb his hair.
Speaker 1:Sam Malone has great hair as well. What do you think, Mitch?
Speaker 3:Well, judging by what the AI said, it says this one's a close call, but Fonzie has a slight edge.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 3:Between adaptability, mental game and fighting style, the outcome Fonzie wins six out of ten times. Woo Almost a 50-50 split, it says, likely by outmaneuvering Sam and using the Batcave's environment to set up a decisive strike or trap.
Speaker 2:That's what I said.
Speaker 3:Sam takes four out of ten if he lands an early powerful blow before Fonzie can adapt.
Speaker 2:Thank you, AI overlord.
Speaker 3:The final scene, fonzie leans against the Batmobile, hammer twirling, and says hey, sammy, better luck next time. Wow.
Speaker 2:It's like a fighting game. Ai is stupid, says.
Speaker 3:Sam nursing a bruise mutters. Yeah, well, I'll get you at Cheers.
Speaker 2:Oh, he can't say that. They're like dead. Is that too violent for the A? Probably.
Speaker 3:Somewhere matches Malone watches from the shadows unimpressed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, cool, I've won, so you continue I crossed out Sam.
Speaker 3:You don't cross him out.
Speaker 1:I crossed out Sam Malone on my bracket, which means the Fonz advances to whoever Mitch's number 10 is.
Speaker 3:I got to type this in here, so you got to give me a second.
Speaker 1:Who is your number 10?
Speaker 3:Well, my first one that I'm using is Cody, from Step by Step Cody from Step by Step. Let's see, we will be in a WWE arena.
Speaker 2:All right, is Cody fighting Fonz, or is Cody fighting?
Speaker 3:Fonzie Okay, because you're got one.
Speaker 2:All right, so Fonz versus Cody, and we both have a knife. Okay, well, I feel like the Fonz being like a greaser kind of guy, he's pretty familiar with knives. He's able to beat up a guy who's twice his size. Obviously, so far, cody is just some dork that can't even spell his name correctly. Yeah, he won one bar fight with four biker guys, but those guys took turns Well he's only got to fight one-on-one though.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's the got to fight one-on-one though.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, it's the biker code of honor.
Speaker 2:But I feel like Fonz is a lot more intelligent. He's able to, you know, figure out the bat. Where are we? Again the WWE?
Speaker 3:arena. Oh dude.
Speaker 2:So we're basically in a ring. Well, I bet you Cody doesn't know much about like wrestling culture.
Speaker 3:He probably does. He knows kickboxing, that's true.
Speaker 2:But maybe he doesn't know that you can use like chairs and stuff like that. Fonz is in the game, he's in the bar fight.
Speaker 1:Anything goes in a bar fight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he just grabs them and swing it.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 3:I do feel like knives, though Fonz has the edge Pun included, intended Well, I mean. I just feel like you know, with Cody being a martial artist he's got a little bit of advantage because Fonzie's kind of a broad Martial arts is one thing.
Speaker 2:all right, We've all seen Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, right? It's got to be, yeah, that street ability right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because we all believe Bruce Lee was just thrown against a car.
Speaker 2:My hands are registered weapons. If I kill you, I'll go to jail.
Speaker 1:Anybody who kills anybody in a fight goes to jail.
Speaker 3:It's called manslaughter. I mean, cody was pretty athletic too. I mean he did not just punches and kicks, but jumping, spinning, kicks and all that stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well.
Speaker 3:I think his physicality and his athleticism, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Out-move her Fonzie by a good bit. I don't know. I feel like the Fonz has got it. What do you think, tom, it's?
Speaker 1:a toughie. I don't know much about this Cody from Step by Step.
Speaker 2:unfortunately, he's a real idiot. Imagine Joey Tribbiani with less IQ. Oh my God.
Speaker 3:Against the Fonz. I think he was in the movie the Kickboxer 2, because in that character, because the actual actor knows all the kickboxing stuff- I'd probably put my money on the Fonz. Alright, well, the outcome. Cody pins Fonzie after Whoa, whoa it's not giving me the out of 10 thing. It says the outcome Cody pins Fonzie after a brutal crowd-pleasing brawl, winning via a three count, with a knife held dramatically, but not fatally, to Fonzie's throat.
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you, AI the crowd erupts as Cody raises his arms, shouting totally righteous dude, Fonzie, ever cool, rolls out of the ring, adjusts his jacket, gives a begrudging IA nod of respect before limping to the locker room.
Speaker 1:Alright, and there goes the Fonz.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or Fonz.
Speaker 3:Cody wins. Wwe arena favors Cody's wrestling-like physicality over Fonzie's street style. Knives make it dangerous, but Cody's size and durability let him absorb more damage while his reckless offense overwhelms Fonzie's finesse. Nobody got stabbed. Fonzie's best shot is outsparting Cody with traps or precise cuts, but Cody's raw power and heart tip the scales, especially in a wrestling-style pin finish. Nobody got stabbed. Look, I told you, AI does not like violence.
Speaker 2:Well, just give him pillows or something I don't know. Pillow fight All right, what do you got Tom?
Speaker 1:Huh, huh. Kickboxing guy huh, yeah, hmm, hmm.
Speaker 2:Hmm, hmm, hmm, just pick a name.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I want to use my best people. Do that guy, hal from Malcolm in the Middle. Yep, all right, yeah, we'll go with Hal, with Malcolm in the Middle, since Aiden decided that one I needed to use.
Speaker 3:All right, let's see. Give me a little bit of why you think Hal would win.
Speaker 1:I mean, he obviously knows you can't, you know, nobody can beat Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat 2. So he clearly knows the fight game literally.
Speaker 2:The fighting game. He does knows the fight game, literally the fighting game. What's the environment that they're fighting at?
Speaker 3:In a rancor pit with no rancor.
Speaker 1:So you could have just said a pit.
Speaker 3:It's got the bones and stuff scattered around.
Speaker 1:Oh bones, I mean Hal is almost a sort of genius.
Speaker 3:And they have him force.
Speaker 2:They have him force, but they can't shoot it because it's too violent.
Speaker 3:We'll see.
Speaker 1:They just have to beat each other to death with M-Force. I mean Hal's almost a sort of kind of genius, because everything he gets embroiled in he excels in almost immediately. Like where he finds all the muscle dudes working out and he talks to them and then they don't know what to do when he's leaving. And muscle dudes like working out and he talks to him and then they're like they don't know what to do when he's leaving and he's like I can come back, doesn't?
Speaker 2:doesn't frankie muniz like have to save him from getting beaten up at school all the time?
Speaker 3:how's the older brother right?
Speaker 1:no, how's the father?
Speaker 2:oh the father, oh the father. Yeah, brian cranston. Oh okay, he's like, you know, quit drinking all that damn orange juice. It doesn't grow on trees. They're like, yeah, it does. He's like why, quit drinking all that damn orange juice? It doesn't grow on trees. They're like, yeah, it does. He's like, why is it so damn expensive?
Speaker 1:That How's not a man to be trifled with.
Speaker 3:I mean great that they have M4s. I don't know that they have to get close to fight, but I do think Cody's more versatile with weapons.
Speaker 1:What weapons training?
Speaker 3:does he have? He knows how to use martial arts weapons.
Speaker 1:Yeah, m4s are renowned in karate.
Speaker 3:Plenty of gun training. It's gun-fu.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, gun-fu it's like okay, keanu.
Speaker 3:Well, according to AI, hal emerges as the survivor, limping and sobbing after Cody's gung-ho assault wounds the rancor See. This is why AI is not always good. There's not supposed to be a rancor in the shit.
Speaker 2:Well, just say a pit, Just say like a hole in the ground.
Speaker 1:All I heard though, is Hal won.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's all he's going to focus on. I guess the rancor ate the other guy.
Speaker 1:And I can see like Brian Cranston too.
Speaker 2:He'd go. Oh, it would be because Walter White's in here somewhere, right. Does somebody have Walter White?
Speaker 1:No, I don't have Walter.
Speaker 2:White. Somebody should have picked Walter White so like how could have Fuck Walter?
Speaker 3:White, I'll put it in a pit. We'll see what it comes up with. I would see Hal as like that meme or that video with Jean-Claude. When he's got the gun, he's like I'll cover you Guns, go at every one of you Seem in his underwear.
Speaker 1:All right, let's see. This is why he takes. What was the mom's name on Malcolm in the middle? I don't know.
Speaker 3:I can't remember what her name was. It's loading slowly. It gives me a bunch of stuff. I just go down to who wins. Hal Wilkerson wins six out of ten times, but it's a fluke-filled upset. Damn right it is. Let's see Hal wins because let's see, well, it just skipped a bunch of stuff. Let me find that again it just says Hal wins, Hal wins the Pitt's close quarters amplify Hal's chaotic survival instincts. Cody's aggressive spray pray style burns ammo and leaves him open, while how scurrying and lucky shots, or improvised moves.
Speaker 1:Let him outlast cody, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:Well, so there were my, my fighter.
Speaker 2:It's the guy that randomly gets a shot in All right, oh, all right, we're going to do Hal versus Marshall from how I Met your Mother. All right, all right. Marshall can slap Renowned, slaps, hurt around the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Slaps that sent the fear into the ladies' man, barney himself. Barney Stinson Changed him, made him a changed man, yeah.
Speaker 3:What was Marshall's?
Speaker 2:last name? Do we know Marshall, just Marshall, from how I Met your Mother?
Speaker 3:That takes a lot of typing.
Speaker 1:Hang on, hang on, I'm working on it, y'all just keep talking about it.
Speaker 3:Y'all worry about it.
Speaker 2:I'll type it in Erickson E-R-I-K-S-E-N so what do you think? You think Hal's got a chance, marshall's like 6'5, what was it?
Speaker 1:his chaotic survival skills just screaming.
Speaker 2:I feel like Marshall's pretty chaotic. I don't think he's how chaotic. The episode with his smoked pot Marshall's just all over the world and he's quite a tactician. He can build board games that could put anybody to sleep.
Speaker 1:He can build board games Well hopefully this doesn't happen on a Monopoly board.
Speaker 2:Where is this happening?
Speaker 3:On the plane from Con Air With a lead pipe.
Speaker 2:I feel like Marshall's got it yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel like Hal accidentally kills Marshall or Marshall accidentally kills himself.
Speaker 2:Maybe they accidentally pull the door open and just get sucked out.
Speaker 3:It's a draw. Turn around the corner, put the bunny down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, ted just goes ah, and like hits, the door latch and just opens it and goes, just gets sucked out, sucked out the back. The bunny down. Yeah, ted just goes and like hits the door latch and just opens up and goes and just gets sucked out, sucked out the back While Hal's like holding on to like a seatbelt going he's going to win by sheer luck of the whole tournament, malcolm.
Speaker 3:It's slow.
Speaker 2:It's loading.
Speaker 3:I skip all the round one, round two and just try to go straight to who wins, but it's taking a moment.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I feel like, even though it's kind of close, Okay, there we go. You're like, ah, just go ahead.
Speaker 3:Marshall Erickson wins eight out of ten times.
Speaker 2:Yeah, eight out of ten.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's see, got your butt kicked. The Conair plane's tight, chaotic space favors Marshall's physical dominance. Yeah, his strength and reach with the lead pipe overwhelm Howell's frantic defense and his bar fight instincts. Let him adapt to the brawl's flow. Howell's unpredictability keeps him in it briefly, but his lack of stamina and fighting skill can't match Marshall's raw power.
Speaker 1:But he beats the train fighter.
Speaker 3:So the outcome? Marshall stands over a dazed Hal lead pipe in hand. As the plane's engines scream, he drops the pipe muttering. Sorry man, I owe you a slap bet for this Hal groaning mumbles. Lewis is going to ground me forever.
Speaker 2:This is the life stage.
Speaker 3:Alright, who you got Thad Castle?
Speaker 2:Oh man All right.
Speaker 3:Where are we fighting?
Speaker 2:Gigantic dope cocaine-fueled moron. They're both about the same height.
Speaker 1:However, Thad is a little bit more muscular, just a little bit.
Speaker 2:But Marshall is much more intelligent than Thad Castle. I'll give you that. Yeah, so I. There are dogs that are smarter than Thad Castle. I'll give you that. Yeah, so I. There are dogs that are smarter than Thad Castle we're fighting in the. Batcave. Oh okay, so technology is a go here. Does Thad scream get out of my house? I feel like Get out. I feel like Marshall is a Batman fan and he would understand the you know Intricacies of the weaponry afoot.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we're fighting with hammers again.
Speaker 2:The hammer fight, so he'll throw hammers like batarangs. You know, I feel pretty good about this one. What's your argument? I mean Thad Castle could clearly run circles around Marshall yeah if he can not have to deal with the chaos of the environment?
Speaker 3:And he is an all-American athlete. I'm just saying.
Speaker 2:Okay, marshall's a big dude who can slap really hard.
Speaker 3:Let's see Thad's also very inventive on the ways that he can do things. He's smart when it's Okay, never mind, he's not smart, he's not smart.
Speaker 1:He's not smart, he's captain of the football team.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he might accidentally kill himself in that environment.
Speaker 3:Yes, what does it say? Marshall Erickson wins seven out of ten times. Marshall wins because the Batcave's complex terrain favors Marshall's strategic thinking and endurance over Thad's all-out assault.
Speaker 2:I'm good.
Speaker 3:Marshall's size and power match Thad's, but his ability to adapt using the cave's gadgets or cover gives him an edge. Thad's reckless style burns him out and his ego makes him underestimate Marshall's toughness. Marshall's heart and smarts seal the deal, though. Thad wins 3 out of 10. Let's see the outcome. Marshall stands over a groaning Thad hammer raised at the Batcave system's hum, he drops the weapon, muttering. That's for Minnesota. What Thad? Well, because he's a Vikings fan.
Speaker 3:Oh okay, Thad, clutching his knee, growls you're still a benchwarmer, but can't get up the fight's over. Cave's a mess. Batman's going to need a new computer. All right, my guys are going down.
Speaker 2:Marshall moves on to the next round? All right, I'm only down. One guy. I still got Marshall. Yeah, what do you got? Tom Frazier? Oh, okay, I think in every scenario I got this Just throw your cannon fodder at Marshall. So Frazier's a tall guy, I'll give you that. Kelsey Grammer is a large man. He's a large man, but Frazier is also a very smart person.
Speaker 1:He is very smart. He's very much an intellectual and tactician-ish. I guess it depends on where we're fighting, machiavellian-esque. In the bar from Cheers oh home turf. Yeah, he knows that terrain, he knows the intricacies of that bar.
Speaker 3:And you're fighting with katanas.
Speaker 2:I feel like if anybody's handled a katana before it would have been Marshall or Frazier in his visits to Japan.
Speaker 3:They do fight with the swords in the apartment Marshall and Ted. He has sword playability.
Speaker 1:Everyone knows Frazier's a world-class fencer.
Speaker 3:Doctor's gonna throw stuff out as if it sticks.
Speaker 2:Fencing has nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1:I'm telling Hayden about a character from his favorite show. Educate me more that I've never watched.
Speaker 2:Please mansplain me some more about, please, tom explain this to me, but I think that Marshall, being younger, stronger and has experience with technology.
Speaker 1:Is this, cheers Frazier?
Speaker 2:or Frazier Frazier, you decide.
Speaker 3:Well, frazier's a spinoff from Cheers. Yeah, same character.
Speaker 1:He's still been to the bar. He knows the exact layout, yeah, and knows where the gun's hidden behind the bar.
Speaker 2:Okay, there's not a gun behind the bar, all right.
Speaker 3:It's called the win, Justin.
Speaker 1:It's foolish of you, Ted, to bring a katana to a gunfight.
Speaker 2:What does the AI overlord say?
Speaker 1:Well, nine out of ten times marshall erickson, I just figured I'd just sacrifice frazier I'm just curious to know how the one time worked out oh, let's see frazier's might.
Speaker 3:Art. Frazier might win one out of ten times with a fluke slash or clever strap. Or trevor clever trap, uh, says the cheers bars tight quarters amplify marshall's Slash or Clever Trap, it says the Cheers bar's tight quarters amplify Marshall's physical dominance. His strength and reach with the katana overwhelm Frazier's theatrical flailing and his endurance outlasts Frazier's winded theatrics. Let's see. The outcome is Marshall stands over a defeated Frazier, katana lowered. As the Cheers crowd roars, he offers a hand saying no hard feelings, doc. Frazier, sprawled on the bar floor, groans my ego is bruised more than my body. Sam sweeps up glass muttering. This is why we don't have sorry, this is why we don't do sword fights.
Speaker 2:Man, my boy Marshall, he's crushing it.
Speaker 1:We're going to have to pick up some heavy hitters to take him out.
Speaker 3:All right, all right, I got you, I got you.
Speaker 2:Oh, what do you got? You got nothing.
Speaker 3:I'm taking Julius Rock.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:The dad from Everybody Hates Chris.
Speaker 1:Terry Crews. Pretty much, he's throwing a Terry Crews at you.
Speaker 3:We got to get Marshall off the board. Let's see Julius Raka. Where are we going to be fighting? We are fighting.
Speaker 2:What is his job? I don't know. It's like a mechanic or something, isn't it?
Speaker 3:I think so.
Speaker 2:He has like 40 jobs. Let's see, everybody hates Chris. Is that what it's from?
Speaker 3:Yeah, Well, this doesn't help me, but we're fighting in Santa's workshop, okay.
Speaker 2:With revolvers, what? Okay, I think the one who would know more about random toys would be Marshall.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, you know, maybe I don't know how the guns would come into play for both of them, but I feel like he would adapt faster in Santa's workshop.
Speaker 1:I feel like he'd be more shocked. He was at Santa's workshop and want to talk to. Santa. He'd be distracted.
Speaker 2:He could use that to his advantage and be like why didn't I get this when I was 10? He could use that to his advantage, because he's such a child at heart Like he could use all of the elves and stuff.
Speaker 3:I do see him setting up traps and stuff and be like ha ha, ha, ha ha, exactly, but Julius Rock can just power through it. Yeah, if he can catch him?
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 3:What does our AI overlord say? Our AI overlord Crap. Yes, marshall Erickson wins 7 out of 10 times. Woo, let's see, marshall wins. Santa's Workshop's chaotic close-quarter setup favors Marshall's physical dominance and endurance. Physical dominance, what His strength and bold charges overwhelm Julius's cautious strategy, especially as ammo dwindles. Let me make sure this is the right Julius rock that they took. Let's see here.
Speaker 2:Is there another Julius rock out there?
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what I'm checking. Nope, that's the same guy. Okay, just checking Marshall's a strong dude.
Speaker 2:He's a big guy, big guy, huge. I don't think guy Huge, huge.
Speaker 3:I don't think he's the physical dominance there's a part here. As ammo dwindles, the fight gets scrappy. Julius is smart to precision, keeping him competitive, landing key shots, but Marshall's durability and heart tips the scales.
Speaker 2:Heart. I'm aching that to Santa's workshop.
Speaker 3:Marshall stands over a disarmed Julius revolver empty. As the workshop sprinklers douse tinsel fires, he offers a hand saying sorry, man, you're still a rock Julius clutching his hand gribbles. This is why I don't do Christmas. Elves sweep up muttering about overtime as the jingle bells fade.
Speaker 1:That was 68 cents worth of tinsel. He's taking us out, Tom. He's taking us Wondering about overtime as the jingle bells fade.
Speaker 2:That was 68 cents worth of tinsel, all right.
Speaker 3:He's taking us out, tom, he's taking us out.
Speaker 1:Cosmo Kramer.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:We're about to fight chaotic with more chaotic.
Speaker 2:Kramer, wouldn't it be funny if it was in?
Speaker 1:Jerry's apartment Jerry's apartment, home territory.
Speaker 2:Let's see, let me try and type all this up here. I mean, I'll be honest, I did not think that Marshall would make it this far.
Speaker 1:No I am shocked.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty happy I've only lost one guy so far. How many do you have left?
Speaker 1:I have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven left.
Speaker 2:I feel like Kramer's terrified.
Speaker 3:I don't think he could win a fight against anybody.
Speaker 1:Well, you're fighting in a hedge maze with shovels. This might be the one.
Speaker 2:What's how it's.
Speaker 1:Kramer, it's frantic chaotic energy and spontaneous idea making.
Speaker 3:He's even just bursting out of a bush, yeah.
Speaker 1:Just taking him out.
Speaker 2:Stare.
Speaker 1:The only thing I could think it's a book about coffee tables, but it's got little arms so you can make it into a small coffee table, the only thing I could think is Kramer sometimes has an insane boost of luck that comes out of nowhere. It's literally.
Speaker 2:And he just like skyrockets to like stardom, but then he like meteorically crashes.
Speaker 1:Like where he showed up at a big firm and like got a job just by being there and like he was like doing great, but they fired him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the coffee table book and he got to talk shows, yeah, all sorts of stuff. So who won this one?
Speaker 3:Eight out of ten times Marshall Erickson wins God.
Speaker 1:I mean, I didn't have that much faith.
Speaker 3:So the hedge maze's tight, disorienting paths favor Marshall's physical dominance.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm tired of hearing about it.
Speaker 3:Much like his edge in the bar parking lot scenario I'm about to send Wayne from Letterkenny against him.
Speaker 1:It's like here's a person who has beat up every tough person in Canada and won.
Speaker 2:This here's.
Speaker 3:American Says. His strength and focused aggression overwhelmed Kramer's unpredictable flailing, especially in the clearing's close quarters. Brawl Kramer's tricks keep him in it, winning two out of ten times if he disorients Marshall. The outcome is Marshall stands over a pinned Kramer shovel, tossed aside. As the maze fog thickens, he offers a hand saying let's get out of here. Man Kramer dusting off quips. I was just warming up. Oh for my maze spinoff. I was like warming up. Oh for my May spinoff. I was like what? Okay, yeah, sure I don't know.
Speaker 2:It'd be funny if he said something racist. Ai just didn't filter that part out.
Speaker 1:AI just went rogue. It's just like Michael Richards. It's like all right, please don't.
Speaker 3:All right, you're fighting Dan Connors now.
Speaker 2:All right, marshall versus Dan Connors, somebody's got to take him out.
Speaker 1:I can see Dan Connors.
Speaker 2:Where's Dan Connors from?
Speaker 1:Roseanne.
Speaker 2:Oh, and he's a biker. Yeah, this might be a tough one. Come on, marshall, I believe you. He can just exert until he has a heart attack, like in the show. Isn't that how he dies? That's how the show ends, with Dan Connors dying.
Speaker 1:No, no, the show's still on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they brought him back because they said it was like a dream or something like that. But the original Roseanne, he died from a heart attack.
Speaker 1:Because they just had some anniversary thing with the show, Like even going to Roseanne, but they didn't even show Roseanne Barr and I'm like yeah because she's canceled.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I was man. That's kind of lame. It's like the show was called Roseanne. Yeah, so you got.
Speaker 2:Marshall Erickson versus Dan Connors in a Jurassic Park lab with axes, with axes, yeah, okay, I feel like Marshall would know more about Jurassic.
Speaker 1:Park. I'm sick of hearing about Marshall. He's a nerd.
Speaker 2:He's a super nerd, so you'd understand the terrain, but Dan's a construction worker and a biker.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but how?
Speaker 2:much experience does he have with dinosaurs? He's not fighting dinosaurs. He's not fighting a dinosaur he's got an axe. He just has to swing an axe. But they're in a lab, right, yeah?
Speaker 3:there's dinosaurs in the lab. No, no there's no dinosaurs.
Speaker 2:I feel like you push a button and a raptor would show up well then my guy could do that just as much. You dude wouldn wouldn't know what button to push. He's a construction worker. You push them all, he wouldn't figure it out. I feel pretty good about this one. What do we got there?
Speaker 3:Unfortunately, marshall wins seven out of ten times.
Speaker 1:Yes, I swear to God if I have to hear it due to his superior something.
Speaker 3:Let's see Marshall wins. Jurassic Park's lab cramped high-tech setup like your favorite movie locations. Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Dan's raw power, His height and speed let him navigate the lab's obstacles and land key hits, while Dan's age and slower recovery limit him in a drawn-out fight. The outcome Marshall stands over a panting Dan, axe lowered. As the lab's alarms wail, he offers a hand, saying no hard feelings man Dan sprawled and Ahmed broken vials grumbles you're buying the beers for this. The distant raptor screeches fade as they limp out in the lab in ruins.
Speaker 1:Yes, all right, rusticle, and it's C-O-H-L-E.
Speaker 2:Mitch, this is your like Trump, your ace in the hole.
Speaker 1:The one that got away. I have two, three other aces Marshall versus Rusticle.
Speaker 3:How do you say your last name? Spell it.
Speaker 1:C-O-H-L-E. That's how it's spelled for the show.
Speaker 2:Now I'll be honest. I feel like, when it comes to weaponry, rust would win, but pure body mechanics, there's no way. He's like 120 pounds.
Speaker 1:He's anorexic, he beats the crap out of, like the biker kid guy With a gun. He's got a gun. He's beaten him in the face like multiple times. He fights Marty. When Marty grabs him, he grabs his hands and he goes. Yeah, but if I just apply this amount of pressure and I break your hands, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a skilled fighter. But, and he's a tactical person- but he's also a drug addict. So if he's on cocaine he ain't going to feel any of the hits.
Speaker 2:I don't know when are we fighting.
Speaker 3:You're fighting on the bridge of Khazad-dum with brass knuckles.
Speaker 1:Might not be good.
Speaker 2:I think this might be it for Marshall.
Speaker 1:That's the point. I swear to God, if Marshall beats Rustic, all this chat not a GPT crap is useless.
Speaker 2:I will say, though, if anybody knows the terrain, it wouldn't be Russ Cole, it would definitely be Marshall.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm pretty sure Russ could stand there and look and go. All right, I'm on a bridge over nothing. I'm pretty sure his vision is still there.
Speaker 2:Maybe his back is to the Balrog and he doesn't know what's happening.
Speaker 1:My money's on.
Speaker 2:Ruskell, I'm hoping here, what do you got? Mitch Marshall wins.
Speaker 3:Marshall Erickson wins six out of ten times. Yes, how, I don't know, marshall Erickson wins 6 out of 10 times. How I don't know says the bridge of Kazadoom's narrow high stakes setup, like let's see, amplifies Marshall's physical dominance and endurance. His raw power and reach with brass knuckles overwhelms Russ. Precise strikes, especially as fatigue sets in. Rust's skill and intensity keeps it close, winning 4 out of 10 if he lands early crippling blows or pushes Marshall off balance into the chest.
Speaker 2:Who would have known that Marshall was such a sleeper?
Speaker 3:fighter. Marshall stands over a battered Rust brass knuckles bloodied. As the bridge groans underfoot, he offers a hand, saying You're one tough philosopher man. Rust coughing mutters we're all just dust, just something. It takes the help limping off the bridge. The cavern's glow pulses, orc drums fading.
Speaker 2:Something nihilistic.
Speaker 1:We're all just dust Tom.
Speaker 3:I don't know what we're going to do.
Speaker 2:I've already won. I don't know what we're going to do.
Speaker 1:Let's see I might have the ace, but I'm not playing him.
Speaker 3:I'm going with Haas Cartwright.
Speaker 2:Where's that from?
Speaker 3:The sheriff from Bonanza. All right, you got to figure out how to spell it, right, dude, marshall, superior, haas, yeah, haas, cartwright.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how tall is he? Because it feels like Marshall's superior. You know strength.
Speaker 1:Yeah, apparently he's a superhero, yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember the episode where, like he couldn't finish a marathon, it was like yeah. But he's got superior endurance Stupid.
Speaker 3:Give me a number one to 16.
Speaker 2:Seven.
Speaker 3:God damn it. Is it the Batcave? No, this is for the weapon.
Speaker 2:Oh, what was it Enforce? Yeah Well, your sheriff guy should know how to fire a weapon better than Marshall.
Speaker 3:Well, he is from like the early 1900s, 1800s.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:He should know what guns are and triggers go bang.
Speaker 3:Hoss Cartwright, though, is a guy that's about the size of John Wayne. He's a big guy. Typically, if he's not shooting the guy, he just one, punches him and knocks him out.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, let's see what happens. I don't know enough about this character.
Speaker 1:He might just have to pull in Rip Wheeler and see what happens.
Speaker 3:Just think of a more comedic John Wayne. That's pretty much what he is. Comedic John Wayne. He's a big man. It doesn't matter, god damn it.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:Marshall Erickson wins seven out of ten times. We were fighting on the Black Pearl with M4s.
Speaker 1:I hate this. This is stupid.
Speaker 3:The Black Pearl's chaotic, storm-tossed deck favors Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Haas's brute strength. His speed and modern familiarity with the M4, however slight, let him land key shots while Haas's bulk struggles with the ship's sway and the rifle's complexity, take cover. Yes, marshall stands over a kneeling, haas, m4 in hand. As Rain pounds the Black Pearl, he offers a hand saying you're a legend, haas. Haas, clutching the leg grunts reckon I'll stick to horses. The ship rocks and they stagger to the helm. Allies in survival, okay.
Speaker 2:Dead gummit. Who knew that Marshall was such a bad? You know what? Yeah?
Speaker 1:Alright, al Borland.
Speaker 3:I feel like Marshall could win that, but okay.
Speaker 1:From Home Improvement, the reliable sidekick of Tim the Toolman. Taylor B-O-R-L-A-N-D.
Speaker 2:Why didn't you pick Tim?
Speaker 1:I wanted to pick somebody who doesn't set stuff on fire or electrocute themselves.
Speaker 2:That's fair.
Speaker 1:Al Borland. Al is dependable, reliable and knows how to actually do everything that Tim does.
Speaker 2:If it's in a woodworking shop, maybe I'll give it to you. But yeah, I think somebody who works with works with wooden tools he's probably got strong hands.
Speaker 1:Uh what? What is what he did?
Speaker 2:some like like a heart medication commercial after. Yeah, he did family feud, oh, that's right, yeah, he did the. But like you see you today, you're like, yeah, he looks like a guy that would need heart medication. So I don't know.
Speaker 3:I feel pretty good about Marshall, alright so you got Marshall Erickson versus Al Borland in the war zone gulag with hedge clippers tools.
Speaker 1:He knows how to use tools.
Speaker 2:However, due to the confining spaces, it accentuates Marshall's athleticism and endurance oh man, I'm pretty sure I got it the bad part is, marshall is not that athletic or enduring, he's not any of that this AI is convinced that he is and I'm all for it. Was it 9 out of 10 times Marshall?
Speaker 3:Erickson wins 9 out of 10 times. Marshall Erickson wins 8 out of 10 times, reflecting your interest in his physical edge.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, let's see, marshall is currently 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 for 9 right now. What was those?
Speaker 3:gulags, Brutal close quarter setup. Oh my God. Favors Marshall's athleticism and endurance over Al's tool-savvy. His raw power and brawling experience overwhelm Al's precise defensive style, especially as fatigue sets in, al's resourcefulness keeps it close, winning 2 out of 10 times. If he lands early, crippling cuts, the outcome Marshall stands over a pinned Al Hedge clippers dropped. As the gulag's light flicker, he offers a hand saying you're a tough handyman. Owl Owl rubbing his arm grumbles should have stuck to power tools. The crowd jeers demanding more as they limp away.
Speaker 2:It looks like I get to enter back in the war zone. Return to lobby Shut up.
Speaker 3:What do you got Mitch? I'm running out of people. Hmm, I guess I'm going to go with Hank.
Speaker 2:Hank from Breaking Bad. Yeah, hank.
Speaker 3:Schrader.
Speaker 2:Maybe if you get a gun.
Speaker 1:But, mitch, what about Marshall's athleticism and endurance that you never see happen, ever on the show? He slaps Marnie.
Speaker 2:That's it. He just slaps somebody.
Speaker 3:Anybody can slap somebody, but he does it really well. Let's see, I mean shrink, shrink Hank. He's got cop training, cop training.
Speaker 2:He gets PTSD when somebody sneezes hard around him. He takes his defensive tactics. I'm just saying no, he doesn't. He's a bowling ball. You've seen that guy get into his car. It takes like five minutes.
Speaker 3:He is a very large man.
Speaker 2:He's out of breath just from talking.
Speaker 3:Pick a number one in 16. There are minerals.
Speaker 2:Marie Two Glock pistol, oh darn.
Speaker 1:He literally picked his service weapon. Will this be it? Will the reign of Marshall?
Speaker 3:end. Where are we fighting In the Matrix, dojo?
Speaker 2:Is it a Taekoo fight place?
Speaker 3:I mean, there are a couple of wooden pillars.
Speaker 1:According to Chad GPT, they might as well just be fighting in a port-a-john.
Speaker 2:Marshall will know that he's in the Matrix before Hank. Okay, so I have confidence, and my boy, and my boy, and my boy. The smugness needs to end, come on.
Speaker 3:Come on, grock, you can do this.
Speaker 2:He said Grock.
Speaker 3:Yes, oh no. Finally, hank Schrader wins eight out of ten times.
Speaker 2:Eight out of ten times.
Speaker 3:Let's see.
Speaker 2:You get a good run Marshall.
Speaker 3:The Matrix Dojo's open no cover layout. Let's see Get a good run, marshall. The Matrix Dojo's open no cover layout. Let's see oh, everything jumped. Where'd it go? Oh, it amplifies Hank's firearms expertise over Marshall's raw physicality. His precise Glock shots outpace Marshall's erratic fire and his tactical mind exploits the arena's exposure. Let's see the outcome Marshall kneels bloody as Hank stands over him. Glock empty in the flickering dojo, hank offers a hand, gruffly saying Not bad, kid, you'd make a decent cop. Marshall panting grins Only if I get a slap bet, klaus.
Speaker 2:They limp off the virtual floor. What Allies in exhaustion.
Speaker 3:I wish they could just kill each other in this, but they can't.
Speaker 2:Goodbye Marshall. You had a good run, all right, took out half the board, god.
Speaker 1:Wiped out all the fodder is what he did.
Speaker 2:Here I'll do the typing if you want to argue.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 2:All right, what are you guys picking?
Speaker 3:I got Hank Schrader. And who you got Rick.
Speaker 1:Castle, rick Castle.
Speaker 3:Rick Castle. I know that's Nathan Fillion's character, but I don't know anything about it, I mean the superior marksman with a weapon and sword fighter.
Speaker 1:Is he though? Yes, he does it in the show.
Speaker 3:I mean, you know, didn't Hank end up in the FBI?
Speaker 2:Or is he just with the PD? How do I pick where they're fighting and stuff?
Speaker 3:There should be a number generator on there. You have to like.
Speaker 1:Why are we letting Hayden do this? I?
Speaker 2:don't know. All right, pick a number between 1 and 16 twice. So you go for the first one 10. All right, and then you go for the second one, 5. All right, keep talking.
Speaker 1:Rick, I mean shown to be a proficient swordsman, actually quite good at it, obviously someone who's incredibly brilliant because he's solving cases, so he has a tactical acumen to him.
Speaker 1:He's also a superior marksman because they take him to a range and he's like, effing around while he's shooting and like they're trying to like teach him. And he's like, effing around while he's shooting and they're trying to teach him. And he's like if I get three bullseyes, will you go on a date? And she's like, yeah, sure. And he picks up the weapon and just goes dunk dunk, dunk dunk and nails like keyholes three of them. And he's like I take classes.
Speaker 3:Hank figures out who Heisenberg is.
Speaker 1:He's the biggest meth dealer there. I mean there him like four seasons.
Speaker 3:We're not talking about how long it took, we're just saying he did it.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying Rick is smarter and he has hair.
Speaker 3:Hey, hey, don't be bashing people that don't have hair. And he has money.
Speaker 1:He's like a modern day Batman without a suit.
Speaker 2:Modern day Batman.
Speaker 1:He's an author.
Speaker 3:I just don't. I think.
Speaker 1:Hank His vest said. Writer.
Speaker 3:What are they using? What weapon are they using?
Speaker 2:You guys are using machetes.
Speaker 3:And where are we?
Speaker 2:at it's in a pit, the Rancor pit yeah yeah, hank's got this.
Speaker 3:It's a machete. Yeah, it's a tool he works with all the time.
Speaker 2:Rick's sword fights. What, yeah, in the show? When does he do that? I?
Speaker 1:don't remember the episode.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, anyways, hank wins 9 out of 10. Yes, the reason why is the pit's brutal close-quarter setup, like your favorite tactical settings, amplifies Hank's combat expertise and grit over Rick's scrappy improvisation. Hank stands over a kneeling Rick, machete lowered. As the pit's crowd jeers, he offers a hand, gruffly saying write about this castle. Rick, bloodied but grinning, replies I already got the title the Pit of Peril. They limp out the pit shadows, swallowing their steps. All right, now you get to do. Now you get to do our next one. Okay, let's see here who would be a great contender against.
Speaker 3:You have plenty to choose from.
Speaker 1:How do I phrase this?
Speaker 3:The name versus name.
Speaker 1:Do I write versus?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you type versus Okay.
Speaker 2:Let's do. Abed from Community I don't know his last name.
Speaker 1:All right, look that up, Mitch. Who's yours?
Speaker 2:Hank, oh Hank.
Speaker 1:Hank Schrader.
Speaker 2:And then we have to figure out what weapons and everything Abed Nadir N-A-D-I-R Is that how you spell, schrader?
Speaker 1:No Ied.
Speaker 3:Nadir N-A-D-I-R. Is that how you spell, schrader? No, I don't know. It spelled it for me when I typed it in earlier. I think it's like O -E, it's an A.
Speaker 1:So, Okay, versus what was his name? Albet A-B-E-D, a-b-e-d.
Speaker 3:And his last name is Nadir N-A-D-I-R. I'm just saying Hank's got the training. Okay, I don't know anything about a bed.
Speaker 2:A bed can recognize that he's in a multiverse.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, I didn't change the. You gotta change the setting dude, I didn't do that. I don't know how to? I never use this.
Speaker 2:So hit up on the swipe up on the thing down there.
Speaker 1:Or.
Speaker 3:I can just do it.
Speaker 2:Might have to do it so if I do ask anything, I type in. Okay, well, you gotta do the. Let me see, that's it. Swipe up right here. Where do you go to get to?
Speaker 3:you don't even know. I don't know what y'all are doing.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to get up to that list right there.
Speaker 1:Alright, then tell us, pick a number alright, pick a number between 1 and 16.
Speaker 2:3 alright, and then I want 16 the Bridge of Khazad-dum and Katanas. Oh snap.
Speaker 3:Hanks got the power. If they clash with swords, he's got the power to knock him off.
Speaker 2:Abed will definitely know everything about Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 1:Where do?
Speaker 2:I type in these numbers, just type in they fight in the Bridge of Khazad-Dum with Katanas. Yeah, abed will know everything in Lord of the Rings, all right. That doesn't do him any good though it will, he'll know like to run.
Speaker 3:He'll know don't fall off of this. There's nothing down there.
Speaker 2:He'll know to run in a direction and then like get the golems, he'll speak. He'll speak the goblin speak, but they're on, and he'll speak the goblin speech to get them to attack him. He'll convince them that he is a goblin, yeah, or he'll cast a spell or something. So I've got. You can't cast spells as much of a nerd as Marshall was. Abed is a god amongst nerds.
Speaker 3:So what you're saying is Hank's definitely going to out-superior him in physicality.
Speaker 2:Maybe, In physicality.
Speaker 3:Maybe In physicality it's loading.
Speaker 1:It's loading. It's loading. I'm trying to.
Speaker 3:I've never AI'd so I do it all the time.
Speaker 2:What are you talking about, Mitch?
Speaker 3:Who can be who? Deathstroke and Nightwing.
Speaker 1:Hank Schrader wins nine and a half. How about no? Consistent with his dominance over a bed in the pit. Here's the breakdown Hank's oh, it did the load thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Kicked it up.
Speaker 2:Who did Hank fight before Abed?
Speaker 3:Castle.
Speaker 1:The bridge that caused the Doom's narrow high-stakes setup, like your favorite cinematic locations, amplifies Hank's combat experience and grit over Abed's creative but ineffective improvisation. Hank's precise katana strikes a tactical mind honed against deadlier foes than Rick Castle, over one of Abed's movie-inspired antics.
Speaker 3:That's funny, that's right, hank's my man, my boy.
Speaker 2:All right, let's do Hank versus.
Speaker 3:Well, it's his person.
Speaker 2:So then I got to type in oh okay, because it's your guys fighting, okay, all right, versus Dr Cox. So then I gotta type it in oh okay, because it's your guys fighting, okay, alright, versus Dr Cox.
Speaker 3:Dr Cox where's he? From. I mean, I don't know who's he from. Do I just have to type from Scrubs, scrubs okay, oops.
Speaker 2:Do I have to type in Cox, or will it know like? Does it need to be Perry Cox?
Speaker 3:probably, I think, perry Cox. If you can tell the full name, it'll be more accurate.
Speaker 1:First of all, Ulysses Cox, MD MD. He's good with a scalpel. I mean obviously in fantastic shape, incredibly Machiavellian mindset.
Speaker 2:Hank's a cop Cox is angry and athletic and willing to fight One through 16?
Speaker 1:12.
Speaker 2:Okay and Eight. Okay, all right, so it's Santa's workshop and an axe.
Speaker 3:Let's see what you got Hank's not going to do it. It's Santa's workshop. He's going to be like what the heck are all these things?
Speaker 1:Dr Cox doesn't believe in Santa, he's not even going to think he's there.
Speaker 3:He's going to be thinking, he's hallucinating the two of them are both going to be like this is dumb.
Speaker 1:You want to go to a bar and get drunk? Yep Is. Is your wife a?
Speaker 3:I definitely think Hank has the physical superiority there and endurance.
Speaker 2:I think Perry has him beat.
Speaker 3:Keep talking. It's thinking I mean using an axe, though Hank's used to.
Speaker 1:Perry's a big dude. The gritty fighting Perry's a very large man.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I think Hank's still got it. He's got that versatility, he's got that grit.
Speaker 1:He's been in fights. So's I think Hank's still got it. He's got that versatility, he's got that grit. He's been in fights. So has Dr Cox. He punched Dr Kelso in the face.
Speaker 3:Well, I wouldn't say those are fights and knocked him out.
Speaker 2:As you know, the AI names the rounds. Round one Festive Fury.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I know Round two Workshop Wreck.
Speaker 1:That's so dumb.
Speaker 2:Round three the Final Chop wreck. That's so dumb. Round three the final chop, the final chop. Who wins Nine out of ten times? Hank Schrader. Yes, my boy Hank. Yeah, it's because of his. He likes the Santa's Workshop's tactical setting. It amplifies his combat expertise over Perry's emotional, untrained swings. Yeah, he just cries.
Speaker 3:Emotional yeah, it's angry, like you said he just cries, it's just swinging.
Speaker 1:It's just rage.
Speaker 2:Let's see here.
Speaker 1:She controls emotions.
Speaker 2:Hank stands over a sprawled, sprawled Perry, ax lowered, as as the workshop sprinklers douse tensile fires, he offers a hand, gr gruffly, saying stick to doctoring cocks, Perry, bloodied but defiant snaps, and you stick to busted punks meathead. They limp away, elves, sweeping up the mess. So Thanks to man, all right, boom, you guys have to deal with this while I pee. It's your turn.
Speaker 3:No, I just went.
Speaker 2:Oh my bad, all right, I guess you can do the phoning okay, so we got hank, let's do, uh, the janitor from scrubs which is it's just the janitor. He doesn't have a name. Okay, the janitor from scrubs from Scrowth.
Speaker 3:So if we win, we're going to have the janitor?
Speaker 2:Yeah, he doesn't have a name. Alright pick two numbers, 15 and 15.
Speaker 3:Okay, inside the con airplane.
Speaker 2:Oh man, I already picked that one.
Speaker 3:With revolvers, oh man.
Speaker 2:I don't know. The janitor is really a sharpshooter with his bleach bottles, with his bleach bottles.
Speaker 3:Yeah, hanes, hanes, hank's superiority with firearms, I definitely think, gives it to him. You're like, yeah, maybe.
Speaker 2:No guarantee. The janitor is a master of disguise On a plane there's two of them. He can disguise as Hank. I don't think he's looking in a mirror. He's always setting traps. You know Always playing great pranks. You know there's plenty of cleaning supplies.
Speaker 3:Are there on a play? Yeah, they carry all those chemicals. Yeah, I feel pretty confident about this.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, do you not? I think I got it.
Speaker 3:Hank Schrader wins 9.5 out of 10 times well, damn it let's see everything jumped again. Hank wins 9 out of 10 times. Conair's plane cramped, turbulent setup amplifies Hank's firearms expertise and grit over the janitor's creative but ineffective chaos. Hank's precise revolver shots and tactical mind, honed against deadlier foes, overwhelm the janitor's pranks and wild firing. I'm running out of people.
Speaker 2:How many you got left on your list.
Speaker 3:One, two, three, four, Four more people after Hank.
Speaker 2:How about you?
Speaker 3:Two. Hank stands over a sprawled janitor revolver empty. As the plane's engines roar he offers a hand, gruffly saying stick to cleaning pal. The janitor, bloodied but smirking, replies this will make a killer scrub spinoff. They limp to the cargo. Hold the convicts, jeers fading all right, all right, so we got hank versus ron swanson oh yeah, that's that's gonna be a tough one there ron swanson swans swanson's versed in, uh, all sorts of apocalyptic weaponry from his survival stuff. All right.
Speaker 1:Telling Adam Scott, who had a crossbow in his hand while he had a full, he goes he's like I'm pretty sure that I'm more dangerous with this full than you are with that crossbow, and he's like, yeah, I'd agree, Pick a number one through 16, Tom. Four.
Speaker 2:All right, WWE arena.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Mitch.
Speaker 1:Ron's dojo.
Speaker 2:Knife. Alright, let me open up this thing. You guys talk while I argue it.
Speaker 3:It's Ron Swanson. It's.
Speaker 1:Hank Schrader Ron's never lost, he's a weapon expert. Ron cried twice Once when he was run over by a school bus when he was eight. And when he found out, little Sebastian died Little.
Speaker 3:Sebastian.
Speaker 1:I saw the flags were at half mast Show some damn respect. That's too damn high.
Speaker 3:Hank's gonna take away all his ability and power by shaving him with a knife.
Speaker 1:Ron Swanson knocked Star-Lord, unconscious, that's true, that was fat Star-Lord, though. Keep talking. It's Ron Swanson. It's like the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness. I will turn you from boys to men, from men into gladiators, from gladiators into Swanson's.
Speaker 3:Behold, I'm just saying they're in a WWE arena and you know, Hank is the indoor fighting kind of guy. He's a cop, you know he does the defensive tactics on the mat Hank. He's more of an outdoorsman.
Speaker 1:I don't know why that matters. I don't know why that matters, but I'm just telling you, ron knocked Chris Pratt out in a dojo. I don't know why that matters. I don't know why that matters, but I'm just telling you, ron knocked Chris Pratt out in a dojo.
Speaker 2:It's two. You know short fat guys.
Speaker 1:One has a mustache.
Speaker 2:One does have a mustache. Round one ring rumble. Round two arena anarchy.
Speaker 1:Round three final cut Ron, don't subscribe to his nonsense.
Speaker 2:Hank Schrader wins 8.5 out of 10 times.
Speaker 1:He beats Ron Swanson this is Hank's actual training.
Speaker 2:Hank's DEA training makes him a close quarters master.
Speaker 3:Yes, DEA training.
Speaker 2:With precise knife fighting skills and blah blah blah.
Speaker 1:Did he know the?
Speaker 2:weird symbols on Ron's will meant yeah, ron's an experienced whittler, isn't he? Let's see here. Hank stands over a pinned Ron, knife lowered. As the WWE crowd roars, he offers a hand gruffly saying stick the whittle in Swanson. Ron, bloody but stoic, replies fair fight, I'll carve your badge later. They limp from the crowd chanting.
Speaker 3:Because no one could die in this fight. Imagine if we did an action hero fight this way.
Speaker 2:I think we might be stuck with Hank yeah that's right, all right, I don't know why, but yeah, hank versus Uncle Phil, let's do this, pulling out the big guns. All right, give me a know why. But yeah, hank versus Uncle Phil, let's do this.
Speaker 1:Pulling out the big guns. All right, give me a number between 1 and 16. 7.
Speaker 3:Hayden 13.
Speaker 2:7 and 13.
Speaker 1:All right, and that is.
Speaker 3:Now I'll give it to you. Uncle Phil can throw people a long ways, You'd see him throw jazz the hedge maze with a chain, ooh.
Speaker 2:Hmm, all right, all right. Well, I feel like there's no combat. Hank has no combat experience whipping a chain around, so it's equal footing on that and it's a hedge maze what?
Speaker 3:combat experience does Uncle Phil have, besides throwing jazz out the door?
Speaker 2:I feel like Uncle Phil's fought tooth and nail to acquire his wealth. He's a rich judge. He probably started with nothing. He came a long way. He can put the law down. He knows the law better than Hank does, Does he? He does because he's a judge.
Speaker 1:So, and you know, push comes to shove and a great pool player.
Speaker 2:And he's a great pool player and push comes to shove. You know, uncle Phil, pound for pound, quite literally. I think he's got it. I think he's got it. I feel pretty confident about this. What's your argument?
Speaker 3:Well, Hank actually knows how to fight. He actually knows how to use weapons. He's actually been in real fights, I mean.
Speaker 2:Not just scraps. Scraps Like fights, fights Okay, but like you know, I feel like there's enough touch and go with Uncle.
Speaker 1:Phil Maze melee Labyrinth lunge Central showdown.
Speaker 3:And I definitely feel like Hank has the endurance, even though he's a big guy too. Hank does not have the endurance.
Speaker 2:You're right.
Speaker 3:More so than Uncle Phil, I'm ready.
Speaker 1:Hank wins.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:Eight out of ten times.
Speaker 2:You got any other big guns over there?
Speaker 1:I got one left, oh no.
Speaker 3:Tom's about to be out of this.
Speaker 1:All right, he does not have a last name. You might have to write the show.
Speaker 2:Hank Schrader. Versus.
Speaker 1:Wayne from Letter Kenny.
Speaker 2:Wayne from.
Speaker 3:Is this your big gun? You've been hanging on to.
Speaker 1:It's the toughest guy in letter Kenny. The whole show is predicated on him beating the brakes off of people.
Speaker 3:What am I at 16? Nine Jurassic.
Speaker 2:Park Lab Alright Tom.
Speaker 1:Eleven.
Speaker 2:Hammer Back to that.
Speaker 1:Alright Wayne works on a farm.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:He uses hammers. You see him use them in the show. He is an astute wordsmith, tactical genius and the toughest guy in all of Letter County.
Speaker 3:Hank is a DEA agent. He has that training.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wayne beats the living crap out of a lot of people.
Speaker 2:The AI did not have to think hard about it, hmm.
Speaker 1:Apparently, Hank is 5'11" Wayne's like 6'2", wayne is 6'2".
Speaker 2:Hmm, round one, lab lurch, round two tech tangle.
Speaker 1:Wayne's never lost a fight.
Speaker 2:I think until now. Round three, final smash.
Speaker 3:You're like I think it's all down.
Speaker 2:Who wins Hank Schrader 7.5 out of 10 times, it's closer though it's bollocks, it's closer.
Speaker 3:Hank Schrader the average Joe beat down man Hank's got a few more.
Speaker 2:I do.
Speaker 1:It was all funny games when it was Marshall Erickson, wasn't it Hayden Brann?
Speaker 2:It was. Hank stands over a pinned Wayne, hammer lowered. As the lab's alarms blare, he offers a hand, gruffly saying stick to the farm, buddy Wayne, bloodied but smirking.
Speaker 1:That's your buddy guy.
Speaker 2:Draws, you're alright, first city boy Nah.
Speaker 1:Wayne wouldn't have said that. What would he have said? He wouldn't have lost, it wouldn't have mattered. He would have knocked out Hank and then pulled out a cigarette and, after he threw the punch in one motion, lit a dart and had a shot of Puppenbrews and kept on walking.
Speaker 3:You just can't beat Hank Schrader. I'm just saying All right, he was a breaking bad.
Speaker 2:Let's move on to Joey Tribbiani.
Speaker 3:I think Joey kills himself on accident.
Speaker 2:I don't know what to do. Let's see, your Hank is one, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times. He's almost caught up to Marshall, oh yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:Give us a location Number between one and ten, or one and sixteen.
Speaker 2:Four have we done that one yet?
Speaker 1:WWE arena Six.
Speaker 2:Bar from Cheers WWE arena Six. Bar from Cheers Nah Seven.
Speaker 3:Just give us one. We haven't done.
Speaker 1:Hedge maze.
Speaker 3:Eight, just give us one. We haven't done.
Speaker 1:Factory from Terminator 2.
Speaker 3:Let's do that one. So you want to fight Hank in a factory?
Speaker 1:Mitch one through 16? Two Glock.
Speaker 2:Stop picking two. You can't do it.
Speaker 3:Okay, we won't do two, just pick one that we haven't done yet Crossbow Okay.
Speaker 2:Oh man, Joey's going to kill himself.
Speaker 3:He's going to fall in the molten pit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's going to shoot himself in the foot. Try to load it. He's like to fall in the molten pit. Yeah, he's going to shoot himself in the foot. Try to load it.
Speaker 3:He's like pulling the string back and shoots himself in the foot.
Speaker 2:He's going to go ah and fall in the pit. He'll still do the like how you, doing as he slays down.
Speaker 3:If Joey wins, hank will be laying there dead, how you doing Holding the crossbar.
Speaker 2:Yeah if Joey wins but he won't He'll probably say that if he loses too. Well, I don't know, Maybe he can act his way into being a better, superior fighter.
Speaker 3:You don't think he can trick him into thinking that he's somebody else?
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe he'll pretend that he's a Terminator and it'll scare Hank Hank.
Speaker 1:Schrader wins 9.9 out of 10 times.
Speaker 3:The biggest beat so far.
Speaker 2:That was bad, oh, joey, why?
Speaker 1:Oh my God, who's your next person?
Speaker 2:All right, you want to say the stupid quips that they say All right, you want to say the stupid quips that they say All right.
Speaker 1:Hank and Joey battered, slump against the crate Crossbows, discarded Joey muses. I could pitch this as a Friends the action movie, hank wiping blood grunts. Tell it to your agent, all right.
Speaker 2:Hank, wiping blood, grunts, tell it to your agent. All right, well, I've been avoiding this one, but no, I'll hold off on this one. Let's do.
Speaker 3:It doesn't matter, I've got to fight. You're the only one left anyway.
Speaker 2:Let's do Stefan, not Steve Urkel. Stefan Stefan, yeah, stefan Urkel.
Speaker 1:Stefan.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the cool one.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it'll even do that. Why wouldn't?
Speaker 2:it If it says Steve Erkel, I'm going to lose.
Speaker 1:It's going to be 9.99.
Speaker 2:Is it S-T-E-F-A-N?
Speaker 3:Yeah, but there's an asterisk over the you can't do asterisks.
Speaker 2:But Just like Steve, can you just say Steve Erkel's alter ego, or something like that?
Speaker 3:Like Steve. Can you just say Steve Urkel's alter ego or something like that? Yeah, just type that in Steve Urkel's alter ego.
Speaker 2:Stefan, alter ego, and then you pick the locations.
Speaker 3:Try and pick them in my favor, pick them in your favor, because Urkel's used weapons before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, stefan. No, how do you spell Urkel U-R-K-L-E?
Speaker 3:Yeah, urkel.
Speaker 2:U-R-K-L-E. Yeah or Kale. Yeah, stefan or Kale.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no matter what, I think Hank wins though. Stefan has no weapons training whatsoever. I don't think he's ever been in a fight.
Speaker 2:He's cool, though he's cool. Remember that episode where he took all the pencils and he threw them up into the ceiling and they stuck into the ceiling and they made a heart.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, is that what you're going?
Speaker 2:to do here, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Feel pretty good about it All right.
Speaker 1:Old West Street.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:With Brass knuckles.
Speaker 2:Okay, have we used all of their weapons? No, no, not all of their weapons?
Speaker 1:No, no, not at all. The other one's an MP5. Let's do the brass knuckles.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's go with that, Stephon.
Speaker 2:you know, I feel like Stephon could throw down.
Speaker 3:Probably. I mean, he does have some youth on his side, that's right.
Speaker 2:That's right. I don't know. I feel like we kind of broke the bank here with Hank Break the bank Message limit reached.
Speaker 3:Oh, what does that mean? I don't know.
Speaker 1:It says message limit reached. Please try again in an hour.
Speaker 2:Oh, you don't pay for this.
Speaker 3:No, why would I pay for that? No, you know how we do that we go to the next AI app.
Speaker 2:I've got three of them. The AIs could be biased. They could be. Marshall could still be in the fight.
Speaker 1:I don't think so.
Speaker 3:Let's see this one's loading up here. I'll chat. Gpt. Now the verdict's a draw, what?
Speaker 1:are you going't have a draw? Well, we need winners on this show. Well, just to see, on the last one, while you guys were talking, I did Hank Schrader versus Dean Winchester in the same setting, like the factory or whatever, with hammers or whatever we did with crossbows.
Speaker 2:You wasted one of our things. I did For science.
Speaker 1:Just to see if Schrader could be defeated by somebody of higher caliber. And he won Hank won 6.5 out of 10. Against who? Against Dean Winchester. Oh, we all know Dean would probably mop the floor.
Speaker 2:Dean can't die. He's got all these weapons and stuff and tattoos that keep him. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3:Anyways, hank Schrader wins. It doesn't give me a number out of 10. It says not pretty, not elegant, but in a brawl with brass knuckles in the Wild West, raw power and relentless grit beat style and charm All right.
Speaker 2:I got two more. All right, I'll save the one that I think could win for last. But I was saving this next one because I was avoiding having to fight him with Hank, and it's Jesse Pinkman. Hank is beating up Jesse in the show, so so who's your next guy? All right, give me a when at Just pick a location we haven't used. Pick a location that's not good for Hank, I don't know, like a treetop.
Speaker 1:A desert. Let's see the RV.
Speaker 3:Somewhere we haven't been Top of the Cliffs of Insanity.
Speaker 2:All right, let's do that one the Cliffs of.
Speaker 1:Insanity.
Speaker 2:And what's a weapon that we haven't used before? Not the MP5. No firearms no firearms here.
Speaker 3:Let's see Weapon we haven't used, hmm.
Speaker 2:Can there be a crystal meth lab? Is that one?
Speaker 3:Really there's no weapon we haven't used. That's not a gun of some sort.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't know, not a gun. Just pick something that's not a gun.
Speaker 3:Um, how We'll go with a chain.
Speaker 2:Okay, come on, jesse, jesse.
Speaker 3:The fight kicks off raw. Hank charges in chains, whipping like a bull whip. Trying to end it early, jesse ducks, barely dodging a crushing blow. He's scrappy, rolling in gravel, grabbing rocks. Using the terrain, he swings his chain wide, catching Hank's leg, tripping him. Hank roars and yanks Jesse in like a fish on a hook. Let's see. Oh my God, the winner Jesse, yes, this is. Let let's see. Oh my god, the winner jesse, yes, this is. Uh, let's see. In a final brutal moment, both are at the cliff's edge, chains tangled around them. One slip could be fatal. Jesse uses hank's momentum against him, sidesteps, pulls hard. Hank stumbles forward, but the chain catches jesse's ankle. They both go over chains, unravel in midair like metallic snakes as they plummet. Only one hand catches the edge.
Speaker 1:Jesse pinkman pulls himself up yeah, I like that chat better. We should have did that earlier, let's start over.
Speaker 3:Let's start over it's like another time than everybody left it's one I'm just 20
Speaker 1:in the morning and my wife's asleep on the couch.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:Jesse versus who. Oh my god, how many people do you have left I?
Speaker 3:don't have. I've got 4 people Charles Eagles, warzone Goulet.
Speaker 2:Pick a number 2 7, now 2, let's do 2 Glock pistol. Who am I fighting? Pick a number Two no seven, now two. Let's do two Glock pistol. All right, who am I fighting again?
Speaker 3:Charles Engel. Who's that from Little House on the Prairie? Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:He's not a work Glock pistol?
Speaker 3:No, he does not. Oh well, the Gulag showdown. Jesse immediately crouch walks, scanning like he's in a bad deal gone worse. Uh, charles starts, confused, maybe yelling what in tarnation, while trying to understand the hellscape what the? Verdict jesse wins 51 out of 49 times.
Speaker 2:Wow, 51 out of 49 times.
Speaker 3:Or 51 to 49. Okay, Barely Just because he's used to panic, fear and chaos. Charles is a tank, but in a modern fight with a Glock, Pinkwin's slightly better prepared for the madness.
Speaker 2:Unless Charles channels full pioneer rage, Jesse's the favorite by a hair, just yells Oklahoma and charges at him.
Speaker 3:What in?
Speaker 2:darnation. What in Darnay what?
Speaker 3:in Darnay Alright.
Speaker 2:Did you have the best list, Tom? What happened? He did.
Speaker 1:I feel like I was sabotaged by crappy AI.
Speaker 3:Marshall Erickson ran through them. Yeah, you're getting Tim Riggins. Where's he from Friday Night Lights?
Speaker 2:Oh, no, alright let's see, let's do 12 and 9. 12 and 9.
Speaker 3:9?
Speaker 2:9?.
Speaker 1:Because I really look at these. Wayne from Letterkenny should have beat the crap out of everybody.
Speaker 3:You say that, but I don't even know who he is.
Speaker 1:Because you never watched Letterkenny.
Speaker 3:Deck of the Black Pearl. Okay.
Speaker 2:With hedge clippers, all right, and I'm fighting a.
Speaker 3:Tim.
Speaker 2:Riggins Football guy. Yeah Well, Jesse's killed men with his bare hands. I feel pretty good about this.
Speaker 3:Tim Riggens is good at fighting, not as good as Wayne, not as good as Wayne. Oh, let's see the fight. The bell tolls. There's a bell, now Go with it. Jesse makes his first move, lunging for the hedge clipper, slipping slightly Meth's shoes. Don the hedge clippers Slightly slipping slightly meth shoes Don't have good grip. Tim seizes the moment, shoulder checks Jesse into the mast. Cause, oh cause, we're fighting on the black Pearl with hedge clippers.
Speaker 3:Jesse rebounds with a wild left hook, yelling something about magnets. Tim gets the clippers, jesse backs off trying to MacGyver a weapon out of a broken deck plank and a belt buckle. Tim swings, misses by inches. Jesse ducks, tackles him low. They tumble. Clippers clatter across the deck, lightning flash. They both dive Hands clash on the handle. Jesse bites. Dirty move but effective, tim shouts. Jesse yanks the Clippers free. Stab, just like I did to me when Vince.
Speaker 2:Apparently I picked all the sleeper kills. Yeah, oh man.
Speaker 3:How many you got left? Mitch, two, all right. All right, tom, pick a number.
Speaker 2:Eight. After this, we can do Wayne versus Hank in this AI.
Speaker 1:If he would have won, or Ron Swanson? Yeah, rust Cole. Yeah, and Marshall took him out which doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
Speaker 3:With what weapon? Just pick a weapon. Who's fighting you? Jesse Pinkman and Jack Arnold. Who's Jack Arnold, the dad from Wonder Years? Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Huh, what were the options? Can I see the list? Can you hold it up real fast?
Speaker 3:Yes, Tom.
Speaker 1:Here.
Speaker 3:I meant like pick a number.
Speaker 1:One.
Speaker 3:With a knife, okay.
Speaker 1:Knife fight.
Speaker 3:Stabby stab.
Speaker 1:Like your son.
Speaker 3:We're fighting with knives in a factory.
Speaker 1:I'm really happy your son, thomas Seidel, tend to see some sighted.
Speaker 2:He's somewhat better. Every once in a while I'll load his Nerf gun and point it at people. He's like huh, he'll headshot people. I'll just be watching TV and he'll be like, in my eye He'll just giggle and get so mad at him.
Speaker 3:The fight. Jesse stumbles in, bloodied but determined. He's breathing, he's breathing hard. Jack's already there, stoic, still like he owns the place. The silence is tense. No witty banter, just a mutual understanding. Only one walks out. Jesse lunges first, sloppy but fast. Jack sidesteps like he's swatting a fly, slashing Jesse's arm. The younger man growls getting up more pissed off than before. Jack's cold controlled oh, it's military training, what Oops? But Jesse's wild. He doesn't fight fair. He throws a handful of dust into Jack's eyes, grabs a chain hanging from the ceiling and swings around like some punk MacGyver. A few lucky shots land, blood hits the concrete In the end, uh, let's see Come on Anticipation here man.
Speaker 3:It says if it's early Jesse, or if it's post-series Jesse, we'll go with post-series. He's hardened, smart, desperate Jesse, bloody, limping knife in hand, walks out of the factory into the night. Behind him, jack's body lies still beneath flickering overhead lights.
Speaker 2:This one's way more violent than the other one. Yeah, this one's way better.
Speaker 1:We should have did this entire one with that All right, I'm on my last one Down to your last man, jim, from.
Speaker 3:According to Jim.
Speaker 2:Okay, jesse versus Jim.
Speaker 1:Can Jesse be like Senzu being Rehealed now Cause it.
Speaker 2:It seems like he's like carrying on From one fight To the next fight. It does kinda sound that way. Yeah, he's like Stumbles in bloody. That's not fair. I mean, he's doing Pretty awesome.
Speaker 1:After he killed Hank Schrader While yelling Magnets.
Speaker 3:Alright just pick. Pick a location. It can be anywhere.
Speaker 1:Subway. All right, pick a weapon, Tom. Subway sandwich.
Speaker 2:Apparently Tom is hungry Ladles.
Speaker 3:How do you spell ladle L-A-D-L-E? I didn't know if it was two D's or not. Spoons like the genozachi ok, well, here we go the world's most horribly slow murder alright, let's see.
Speaker 1:I should have picked that one, did you know?
Speaker 3:such the spot, the spot. They spot the lone ladle glinting under flickering fluorescent lights, the lone ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle.
Speaker 3:Both make a break for it. Jesse's move Quick. He gets there first, grabs the ladle, starts swinging like it's a medieval mace. He's fast, but Jim absorbs one hit with his thick forearm and just growls. Jim's move he bum, rushes Jesse with that linebacker energy, tackles him to a bench. Jesse drops the ladle. Now it's fists and fury. Jesse tries to scramble, maybe even scream yo as a distraction, but Jim sits on him full weight. Jesse thrashes but Jim grabs the ladle, holds it up like Excalibur and bonks him into submission. Jim wins barely. It's messy and he probably throws out his bag. Pure sizing grit. Chicago dad rage, overpowering Jesse's chaotic energy. Chicago dad rage, he's a big Chicago Bears fan Bears.
Speaker 2:Jesse had a good little run there, but you got me down to my final boss, luther. He's going to win.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to pick the weaponry in the location again. That was funny.
Speaker 2:We should do it where we just don't have a list. Let's stick an odd guy out next time, just pick random stuff.
Speaker 3:Pick a place.
Speaker 1:Skyscraper rooftop.
Speaker 3:All right. What kind of weapon?
Speaker 1:Ooh Gun Come on now.
Speaker 3:Come on no.
Speaker 1:No, he's a British cop. They don't get those.
Speaker 3:No influence from the peanut gallery.
Speaker 2:Give him a billy club Slapjacks.
Speaker 1:A blackjack. What's a fun weapon that nobody really uses or thinks about?
Speaker 2:A boomerang Throwing darts.
Speaker 1:A didgeridoo.
Speaker 2:A didgeridoo. That's not a weapon.
Speaker 1:Not with that attitude.
Speaker 3:All right, come on, it's the last one.
Speaker 1:Saxophones. All right, okay, it's made out of metal.
Speaker 2:After Luther wins, he's going to play Careless Whisper.
Speaker 1:It's going to be Baker Street by Jerry Rafferty.
Speaker 3:All right, let's break this wild matchup down. Let's see.
Speaker 1:Even the AI is like okay.
Speaker 3:Both start 20 feet apart. The only weapons saxophones.
Speaker 3:Jim opens with some bravado trying to psych Luther out with bluesy riffs and dad jokes. Luther doesn't flinch. He immediately weaponizes the sax like a bludgeon. Jim's got heart and maybe one could whack at him, but Luther is just too precise. He sidesteps, disarms and sudden death. It ends with a swift move. Luther wins. Unless this is a cartoon version of Jim where plot armor exists, I'll see Luther's assassin instincts and combat skill outmatch Jim's dad strength and charm. Saxophones or not, this is over in one clean hit. But if Jim gets the lucky shot in and the rooftop has some loose shingles or slapstick potential, there's a tiny chance he pulls off a surprise win. Tiny chance, think banana peel energy. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Tiny? I don't think so.
Speaker 1:I think Luther's won.
Speaker 2:And I have one. It was down to the last guy we got. I thought for sure Tom was going to win.
Speaker 1:Tom. It's down to the last guy we got. I thought for sure Tom was going to win. Tom thought that too.
Speaker 2:Tom's been out for half an hour yeah.
Speaker 1:I was about to just go to bed.
Speaker 3:Did you lock up when you leave? Yes, the average joke beat down. Win by Luther from Luther.
Speaker 2:All right, what's that social media? One more time, tom yeah.
Speaker 1:Luther, luther one. If you enjoyed this and I don't know why. It was pretty funny and you want to hear more content like this. You can check us out at entertainthispodcastcom. We're also on X, Instagram and TikTok at entertainthis underscore, and check us out on Patreon at patreoncom. Forward slash entertainthis underscore.
Speaker 2:Should do sitcom wives next.
Speaker 1:I'm picking Lois from Malcolm in the Middle. She's evil, she's mean. She held a teddy bear in a fireplace that was on fire to give Francis the business while yelling at him, and didn't flinch while sustaining Burns.
Speaker 2:I don't know, if Fran Dreschner's got that, my Fair Lady, oh yeah, got that street smarts.
Speaker 3:Alright.
Speaker 2:That was fun. Well, until next time, I'm Hayden.
Speaker 3:I'm Mitch.
Speaker 2:I'm Tom, goodbye.
Speaker 1:I feel like your AI. Let us all down and make it like a just a fight.
