Are the social media to blame?

Facebook and Instagram are often 'blamed' for women's problems with self acceptance. But is it fair to blame being unhappy on the social media? In this episode of the Happiness Highway I talke about how the social media are actually a reflection of what we think we need to be: perfect!
#socialmedia #facebook #instagram #limitingbeliefs #women #selfesteem #perfectionism #waynedyer #selflove #happiness #acceptance #selfdoubt #confidence #awareness #personaldevelopment

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:04

Welcome to the happiness highway, a podcast by Mariana Venda[inaudible]. Marianne VanDamme is a certified hypnotherapist, a teacher of spirituality and happiness, and the international best selling author.

Speaker 2 0:28

Well hello, hello and welcome to the show. This is Marian Vandam and I believe that every woman has a right to be very happy now and a lot of these days women are not happy. And a lot of times I read a year that the social media are blamed for that. The social media Archel blamed for women not to be happy these days. And why would that be? Because, well, the social media, especially on Instagram and maybe also on Facebook, people only show their happy face. They only show a reflection of what they would love their lives to be. And in fact, it's not everything and it's, it's not all that goes on in their lives. Now, of course that is true these days. I just looked up the numbers. Did you know that Facebook has 2.5 billion users worldwide? That is 250 million users every day? Well, personally, I love Facebook. I love to keep up with the birthdays of the children of my friends that I don't see every day. And I cannot go to every birthday. Of course we know so many people, so there's only so many parties we can go to. So I love to keep up with, with their lives from a distance. And I really love that about Facebook and I'm not sure. Well, I would love to hear back from you. What, what do you like to read most or see most on Facebook and on the other end there's Instagram as a little younger, but also Instagram has over 1 billion users. It has 111 million users. And that's incredible. These numbers, right? And it's is a worldwide, it's in the U S it's in the second countries that it, um, Facebook and Instagram are biggest are India and also Brazil. So it's incredible how popular the social media are. But is it true that we can blame the social media for being unhappy? Whoa. I personally believe that is not true. That is not the case. And we should not blame the social media for being unhappy. And in this episode I explain why

Speaker 3 3:03

[inaudible]

Speaker 2 3:05

when you were born into this world, you were a perfectly happy little baby. And when you would cry because you were hungry or cold or just lonely, probably your mother would just pick you up, cuddle you, feed you, change you, and gave you everything you needed and you were a happy baby again. And that's probably closest to what unconditional love must feel. How ever soon you had to learn to adjust, to socialize a little bit because well, your mom couldn't be around you for 24 hours a day just to meet your needs. And well, you learned how to wait to, how to sleep through tonight, how to wait for dinner time before you aide a U. Learn to social rules to be quiet, to be sweet girl, to behave well. Later on you went to school and there was new rules that you needed to apply. And everyone, every person in this world wants to be liked once to be loved. And if people get angry with you because you're not behaving well, well that hurts. It feels like being rejected. And that is why we help all have this inner wish or this, this urge to, to be liked, to be good, to be accepted. And along the way in our lives, we learn all these social rules for us by our parents then in school, by our friends. Um, maybe at a work we have different social rules or professional rules. So we need to follow, do you get your friends, your relationships on every social interaction there is people expecting things from you. And also the other way around, of course. And as I told you earlier, you have this inner well longing to be accepted, to be loved and that is why you create Oh, kind of limiting beliefs. Now, limiting beliefs is um, something I write about in my book happily ever after. The magic formula fraternity your divorce into the best thing that ever happened to you. Now I want to point out, although the title is, and my book is about divorce, the magic formula is for everyone. You don't need to be a divorce or going through divorce for that. That magic formula is a formula for happiness. No limiting beliefs. We have created those limiting beliefs in ourselves and with every social event or not even, but if your feelings get hurt, we make another rule for ourselves. Okay? So I should be dressed up for this occasion not to be the the one who's stepping out. We need to be skinny. We need to be kind. We need to be intelligent. We need to be smart. We need to be beautiful. We need to be making enough money. We need to be the perfect mother. We need to have nice children. We need, there's so many things we need to do in order to be safe and liked and appreciated that we have created this entire list in our own minds of how we should be. And this is an unconscious process. Most of the time we are not aware of our behavior or about our thoughts behind our behavior. And that's what I help people with. As a hypnotherapist, I work with the subconscious mind. Now, Wayne Dyer said, uh, he was tatting when he was young, about eight years old, he would be in a classroom with his, well, his school friend, a girl, I forgot her name, but the girl was very upset. So, well, it'll um, Wayne diarrhea. He asks his friends, so why are you so sad? And she said, well, teacher just said to me that I am being lazy in class and that is not true. I'm working really hard. And then little Wayne Dyer asked her, what, why do you believe? Why do you believe her if you're not being lazy, why are you so heard about that? What would you feel like? Or how would you feel if she told you that you are a yellow school bus? And of course there was such a sweet little remark and then the girl say, well of course I'm not a yellow school bus. I'm a girl. And little Wayne Dyer said, that's right. And you're not lazy. That's just something she's saying. But that is not necessarily the truth. And I thought that was such a beautiful lesson lying in there because of course you are not necessarily, it's not true what that, or people say, gee, you instill your, your subconscious mind believes that it's true and it's trying to adjust. Whereas if I told you that you look like yellow school bus, okay, you probably just, you wouldn't even notice it because it's just a silly remark. Whereas you know, I've, I've saw you in person. If I would ask you, Oh, did you just gain a few pounds, then you would probably feel hurt because that is something you're insecure about. And I would be too. Did you know that? You know, I've been working out, well almost my entire life and until 10 years ago probably or maybe 15 I don't know. But the first years I've worked out so hard, I went to the gym almost every day because I believed I needed to be skinny and I was being too fat. So the only reason I was working out was because I thought I was too fat. I didn't go because I liked it. I didn't go because I felt good about it. Well I did feel good. Yeah. After the workout I guess. Cause I did have a fit buddy, but I was always coming from the idea that I was not good enough. And looking back at that, that is so sad. And I nowadays also, I feel so sad about all these young girls who just, you know, who work their butts off at the gym just to look nice just to get that booty and not about, they're not about there to enjoy themselves but just to, to look good for the outer world. And that of course is something very sad. If I look in Instagram and there are a lot of these girls that I see, you know, they're showing boys too. Of course there's both girls and the guys. And I think it's typically until you're about reach about 30 then you're really into, how can I be most likable? How can I be like almost Uber likable. And then usually around your thirties you start maybe having a family or you know, you get too busy to, to really be like the perfect person. And that might also be the time that you start to have some troubles there because some people already get burnouts in their twenties of course, because they're trying to be so perfect. They're trying to be perfect at their job, at their social life. There are so many young women I speak. It has this idea of that they need to be perfect and that everything is wrong about themselves and that is of course so sad, but I'm, I'm very happy that I can help these women, but usually around your thirties when you maybe have children and a career going, you realize you cannot keep up with all these demands you made for yourself and well, hopefully you'll just accept that and live happily ever after. But of course for most people it's, it's kind of a struggle too to let go. Actually the only way to be happy is to learn how to let go all your limiting beliefs about yourself. Because if you go back to that feeling that you had when you were just born, that you were just this perfectly happy little baby and that wasn't aware of all the expectations of other people, maybe then you would be just free, just free to be your beautiful self. And that is exactly what I am. Well it's hard to go exactly back. So that plays of course, because you've had a life and you've had all your experiences and you'll have been hurt and so you do change your behavior. But if you can go back to that feeling that you know you're not aware, unaware of all the other people and all of their expectations from you, and you can just be perfectly yourself without giving a care in a world about how other people perceive you, then you would be happy. So of course there is about balance between a social and behavior and just being your true self. And you'll have to find that balance for yourself of course. But I help people to get rid of those limiting beliefs that actually are limiting to you to be happy. And so can we blame it on the social media? No, I don't think so. But if there is anything inside of you that feels threaten or heard, then this is an invitation for you to work on, to accept that part of you. If I tell you that, no, our, if anyone tells you that, I don't know that maybe you didn't clean your garden or your Yarhouse's mess. Yeah. Does that really bother you? Well, how important is it to you what other people think of your garden or your house? That is something, yeah, you have to decide for yourself. And if you rather spend your time doing other things than cleaning your house, there may be, it's not such a big deal. And usually what other people tell you, um, about how you should behave or don't do that or Oh, you shouldn't. This is all about fears that they have[inaudible] their fear for a rejection. They want to keep you safe. And that's why I said, Oh, maybe you shouldn't take that trip to that far away country because you know you might get robbed, you might get hurt, you might catch you a disease, you rather stay home and be safe. Oh yeah, you could do that. But I know that would be kind of boring just to stay in that little comfort zone all the time. So years. Or you need to stand up for yourself and say, well thank you for your concern, but I feel I have to do it this way or that way because this is my way and I feel most comfortable. All right. Yeah, I could stay Oh comfortably. But I want to broaden my horizons. I want to be bigger than this and I want to get rid of all my limiting beliefs because I know there's a world outside there that is waiting for me that I need to discover and maybe I can shine my light there or learn new things that will make me a better person and maybe I need, I'll meet people that will inspire me or maybe I will inspire new people so I don't have the time. I don't have the time to be scared of the world of believing my own limiting beliefs. I, I need to free myself from those limiting beliefs so I can truly shine my true light[inaudible] be my biggest me. So if you count like over the years you see that from the moment you are born until, well roughly around 30 years, your first 30 years, you're just trying to fit in, you're trying to obey all the social rules and you're creating all these limiting beliefs for yourself and somewhere between 30 and 40 years old, you start to realize it's not really working for you anymore. You know? And this is just really roughly the the age that I, you know, some people are bumping into it much earlier, some people later and some people never ever and that is all good. I'm just saying roughly so to first 30 years old of your life, you are sagging all these limiting beliefs upon yourself and well between 30 and 40 around that period. Yeah. Is now working for you anymore and maybe you become unhappy. Maybe you get fired, maybe get a burnout, maybe you lose a person close to your heart, maybe you get an accident or get injured. There are so many things that can happen but usually when you have something like that happening between 30 and 40 years old, it is really a gift to you or an invitation two starts to let go of all those limiting beliefs and too truly find yourself again. For me it was my divorce that was like an accelerated for this process for letting go of all my limiting beliefs. It was a rough one. This is very personal for everyone of course. And then after your 40th you're trying to re discover who you truly are. What is it that you came for here in a world? What is your special talents and how can you shine your beautiful self, your beautiful talent as brightly as you can because you have these gifts? Share with the world. It's not[inaudible]. To stay small would be selfish. You really have to shine your light because you have the special energy, you have a special gift, you have a special talent. I don't know, maybe it is your super kindness or you're super loving, or maybe you're a great artist. We all need that special energy that is yours. So after your 40th or maybe your early, maybe it's, you know, you realize this in your 20s already, then go for it. Shine as right as you can because we need you. We need your love. We need your light. We need your creativity. Or I dunno, maybe you're very funny. We need your jokes. Do you realize things into grow bigger as a person?

Speaker 3 18:41

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Speaker 2 18:43

can we blame it on social media? No, we cannot. And of course I do agree that, uh, on the social media, most people are giving a one dimensional image of themselves. They just show their happy phase and well, it's just an affirmation for my theory that we so want to be like, we so want to be perfect. We so, and when I look at all these pictures, I just see, you know, the pain behind that person because nobody is happy all of the time. I'm not happy all of the time. Take up every challenge that I get, every chance that I get to grow from, to evolve as a person too. To learn to let go of more of my limiting beliefs and to embrace more of my, yeah, my shadow sides. My, of course, I'm not perfect. I, I can be messy. I can be, I dunno. Sometimes I, I say harsh things to people and I don't mean to hurt them, but sometimes, you know, you're just, it happens sometimes and I don't like that about myself all of the time, but it's who I am and I'm, I have to be at peace with that. I don't need to be perfect. I know that I have my special talents. I know I have my things to share with you and that is I can teach you how to be happy and that is what I do and that is what I love doing. I hope you'll love this episode of the happiness highway and I would love to learn more about what your limiting beliefs are, what is keeping you small, what is keeping you back from living your full life? Because this is a very important first step is to realize what are my limiting beliefs and have over to my website to find more information about limiting beliefs. You can read my book or get some free exercises. I have beautiful training coming up. Love yourself now. If you liked what you heard, please head over to my website at to the podcast website because I have a beautiful little tab on the right side. It's gold and if you press it on, you can leave me a voice message and I would love to hear your question so I can respond to that. Or maybe you have something else to share with me, but please go over to my website and hit the buttons because I would love to hear from you. Well, thank you for listening again and see you next time on the happiness highway. Bye

Speaker 1 21:24

[inaudible].