Antifragilient OS – NowShift Daily Transmissions

When Safe Feels Scary: Healing Relationship Trauma | NowShift October 21, 2025

• Dr Abhimanyou Raathore • Season 1 • Episode 20

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What if your body isn’t overreacting but overprotecting?
 In this final episode of the trauma symptoms mini-series, Dr. Abhimanyou Raathore, founder of the Antifragilient Operating System, explores how trauma can quietly rewrite the rules of closeness—turning love into a risk instead of a refuge.

We trace seven common relational symptoms after trauma: fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, clinginess or overdependence, avoidance of intimacy, difficulty trusting, feeling unsafe with safe people, and self-sabotage when things feel “too good.”

This conversation explains how your nervous system learns to protect through vigilance, distance, or control, and why those patterns can persist long after the danger is gone. You’ll hear practical, compassionate tools for:

  • Calibrating trust through real data, not guesswork
  • Replacing constant reassurance with predictable structure
  • Practicing graduated vulnerability
  • Using co-regulation and self-regulation to settle the body
  • Reframing “tests” and “pullbacks” as pain-avoidance strategies, not character flaws

If safe people have ever felt unsafe, or joy made you want to run, this episode offers a clear roadmap. The goal isn’t blind trust. It’s calibrated trust. The invitation isn’t to drop your guard, but to update it.

🎧 Listen. Share. Review. Let’s help more people find language for what their body has been trying to say all along.

A podcast by Dr. Abhimanyou Raathore
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SPEAKER_00:

Today is October 21st, 2025. My name is Dr. Abhimani Rathor, and I am the founder of the Antifrigilant Operating System. Welcome back to our trauma series. And I know this episode has been long awaited, and finally it is here. And this is the episode that we focus on relational symptoms. That is the way trauma can affect trust, intimacy, and the way we connect with people we care about. So let's look at these relational symptoms the way they happen in very simple terms. See, the fact is that trauma just doesn't live inside us, it shapes how we connect, how we love, and how we trust. Our nervous system learns certain patterns to protect us. And so what happens is that over a period of time, those patterns can make relationships really difficult to sustain. The first such symptom is fear of abandonment. If you if there's a constant worry that people you care about, okay, will leave even if they don't show any signs of it, then yeah, that's a symptom of how trauma has shaped your view of relationships. Second is fear of rejection. You know, where you avoid being yourself or sharing your needs because you're afraid that you will be judged or pushed away. Third is clinginess or overdependence. You know, needing that constant reassurance to feel safe in a relationship. That's a symptom too. Fourth is avoidance of intimacy. You know, keep keeping those emotional walls up so no one can get too close, even people you care about. Fifth is difficulty trusting. You know, questioning others' motives, waiting for the so-called other shoe to drop, even in healthy relationships. Sixth is feeling unsafe with safe people. That is where you end up struggling to relax around those who have shown you kindness and stability. Seventh is sabotaging close connections. That is, you end up pulling away, starting arguments, or creating distance when things start to feel good, or too good for that matter. See, trauma can make love feel like a risk instead of a refuge. Sometimes we are not avoiding people. We are avoiding the pain we fear they might cause. And it is actually not even us who's providing who's uh avoiding people or who is who is creating the distance or who's who has this fear, it's our parts inside. So you've now heard all seven ways trauma can show up through your history, through your emotions, your behaviors, your thoughts, your body, your senses, and your relationships. You might have connected with one or with many. Remember, this awareness is the first step to healing. And the fact is you don't have to walk this path alone. Thank you so much for listening. Do let us know or do let me know how you liked these episodes of the series. I'll be back tomorrow with an episode, of course, not of the series, because the series is over now. That's the mini series is over on trauma. But with something else, which is related but different. Look forward to connecting with you again tomorrow. Thank you so much. Bye bye.