Go Bucket Yourself
Go Bucket Yourself
Why we retreat
Have you ever paused to consider the profound power of retreats? Retreats can be a therapeutic escape from the humdrum of our daily routines, a chance to engage with nature and ourselves in a deeper, more meaningful way. Drawing inspiration from Albert Einstein's wisdom, we unfold how retreats can become a nourishing space for personal growth, clearer purpose and decisive action. As we share our personal experiences and the transformative effects of stepping out of our comfort zones, we hope to inspire you to embark on your own retreat journey.
We delve into the various aspects of retreats, the emotional and mental benefits they offer, and the sense of belonging and connection they foster. Harnessing the power of shared experiences, we talk about the strengthening bonds formed in overcoming adversity together. We also underscore the importance of retreats, not as a selfish pursuit, but as a necessary tool to better serve our loved ones and ourselves. Join us, as we navigate through the intricacies of solo and community retreats and guide you towards finding a version that works for you. So tune in, retreat, relax and reconnect.
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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Go Bucket Yourself podcast, chris. What are we going to talk about today?
Speaker 2:Today we will talk about why we retreat and why we will be doing more retreats through Go Bucket Yourself why we find value in those and why that feels like part of our purpose and what we shall be doing. So that's it.
Speaker 1:Cool. And this is definitely copyrighted.
Speaker 2:Oh, but does it have anything to do with our? What we're talking about today?
Speaker 1:No, okay, not as far as I know, does it. You're the one who played it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1:Okay, Well, maybe I can launch us off with this quote from Albert Einstein. He says look deep into nature and then you will understand everything better.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So that reminded me a bit of retreating or retreats yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So yeah, I think there's an easy way to connect nature and retreating, especially for us, I don't think it has to be a component. I think for Go Bucket Yourself, it'll definitely be a component for the majority of our retreats. But, yeah, I think, when we've talked about the simplicity of nature and when we've talked about Lion Tracker's guide, when we've talked to Jonah Jensen in the past, we yeah, we hold a reverent spot for nature and the simplicity that it offers, the connection to self that it offers, the space and the quiet that it can offer. So, yeah, I like Albert Einstein's quote.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and just to be clear, when I was thinking about this topic and preparing for it, I'm thinking of retreating in general, which means sometimes solo retreating and sometimes retreating in community, and so I'm speaking under that broad umbrella, not just specifically Go Bucket Yourself retreats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, yeah. So I think that's good to have a definition of retreat. My definition is just to escape the normal, and so sometimes escape might have this negative thing like, oh, my normal life's so bad, I have to escape from it or retreat away from it or whatnot. And I don't think that's the case at all. Like I'm getting ready to go hike or walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain and that will be 30 to 40 days of me retreating to a place without my family, without my friends, without the typical lifestyle that I'm used to here, and so when I retreat away from that, that doesn't mean like this is a new, better way of life that I want, but it's a novel stimulus and experience that can help me to find gratitude for those things that I don't have in that moment, as well as hopefully create an environment around me that allows for the kind of growth that is easy to not happen in your everyday life when you're just kind of going about life, living normal roles, normal identities and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like those words novelty and gratitude. I think, if we're intentional about retreating, gratitude is a frequent byproduct of retreats. I believe we're retreating. When I was like trying to get inspiration to talk about this, the word that really drew me in was sacredness, and so that's how I started to think about retreats, or retreating sacredness, as in going to retreat with reverence, like for nature, for other human beings, for ourselves, and then connection to ourselves, to nature and to other human beings, depending on what kind of retreat we're doing, which leads to more presence with all of those things and eventually, in my case, leads to clarity.
Speaker 2:I think you know I don't know if it's the chapter of life I'm in or the level of growth I'm at for myself, but I like the idea of these rituals or ceremonies, things that I've been at many years ago. I would disregard, either because, oh, they took too long or what's the immediate benefit of them. I didn't really understand that and get that. I think I was just talking to some fellows in the front row dads community and I was talking about, like every year I like to do like a I don't even have a great name for it, but it's basically like a solo retreat where I get away and I look back at the current year and I look forward to the coming year, and I do that from a place like I love to go up to the mountains If it's cold outside, have a fire inside, be by myself, spend a lot of the day, you know, either drinking coffee or tea sitting by the fire, kind of doing some of these ritualistic things that don't have like one, like if you do this one thing, then here's the immediate result, but they kind of build upon each other, like all of these.
Speaker 2:These actions are like signaling to yourself and to the universe like this is the place I want to be in, this is the space I want to be in, here's the intentionality and here's the reverence I have for this beautiful life. And now, you know, allow me to download or to think, or to be at peace in a way, to where some of the new answers can reveal themselves to me that maybe I had missed in the previous chapters of life, where I was hustle and bustle and loud and all of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, I think that's just where my mind went through the connection of those words, right, like sacredness, to reverence, to connection, to presence, and then ultimately, greater clarity, I believe, which is what can and most often does come from retreat, retreating in whatever form. So, yeah, that's, I agree. Also clarity of purpose, clarity of action, next steps, whatever it might be, and, you know, unfairly maybe, or juxtaposed to that is kind of what you're not necessarily alluding to, but what's underneath what you're saying is sometimes, if we go to something like nature or connection with a person expecting something from that, like, oh, I'm doing this to get greater clarity, sometimes that leads to the opposite of what we might think. So I've found that it can be best to go expecting nothing and having gratitude for whatever comes from it.
Speaker 2:Well, that's interesting. I mean, there's times I do go into nature with zero expectations and I'm tickled to death with what comes from those. But I do think there are certain times where I like to at least have an intention Like this is something that I want to receive clarity around, or this is something that I want the peace to understand, whether it's marriage, whether it's being a dad, whether it's around the business or whether whatever type of thing. So I do. I do think that both of those things can be true where it's like, you know, one is not the right way and one is the wrong way. But there are times where I definitely want to hold an intention of some sort when I go out there and maybe the answer I get is not at all related to what my intention was, and that's totally cool too. But yeah, I see what you're saying. Like there's it's nice to sometimes just get out and have this novel experience and whatever comes comes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just find in general in life sometimes if I go in with an expectation which may be different from an intention right, then what I'm expecting doesn't come to me, which might lead to some other, maybe strife, in the future. But yeah, I think they can be different from intention setting or it may be very similar, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it'd be helpful if we kind of like, maybe go through a list of ways that the two of us retreat, not so together, but like versions of a retreat all the way from a version that someone might be like, well, is that a retreat all the way to? Oh, well, that's definitely a retreat, so I can kick that off. So, like I just mentioned, you know, going to go walk the Camino de Santiago. I've gone off and done other trails and in a way, those are like a retreat to me. They're a solo retreat in that I'm not taking along any people that hold space in my normal life typically, actually, I can't think of an exception to that and it doesn't mean I'm going to be alone the entire time, but it does mean I'm going to be in a unique environment where probably nobody knows me. So I might meet people and I don't. They don't know who I am or what I am or anything like that. So that's kind of freeing, because you just get to check in and, as you're telling people who you are, what's important to you or sharing those things you're, you're honestly like have an opportunity to check in with yourself, to say like, yeah, are these old identities or these old values. Are they still relevant? Is that what I want to to bring forward as I'm making acquaintances with these new people, or are they something that I can just leave in the past?
Speaker 2:I did that when I moved off to college and I there was not anyone at college that I knew, and it was. It was an opportunity to kind of refresh myself and let go of, like, maybe, past beliefs that people held about me or labels that they gave me and all of that, and so so I like the idea of going alone. In that sense, I think it's it's clear what I'm saying, that you don't have to be alone the entire time, but you're basically going away from people that already know you. Like, I guess, when you went to surf with Amiga's A couple years ago, that was a retreat where you went with nobody that knew you right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you were mentioning those types of very, I guess, literally defined retreats within boundaries, that's what came to mind was surf with Amiga's, which I think was, is maybe one of the only retreats I've done in that respect, unless, like you count camp fiving or a treat or that kind of thing. So, yeah, surf with Amiga's was going to another country by myself, which I had never done to that point. It was just a couple years ago right, it wasn't that long ago. So I was 40 ish just for the first time, traveling out of the country alone to a place I had never been with a group of women I had never met before going there.
Speaker 1:So there is that element of just getting pretty far outside your comfort zone. And then sometimes retreat can obviously mean glamour or luxury or you know that kind of thing. I wouldn't call this a luxury retreat. It was like out of modest eco village in a remote part of Costa Rica. So there wasn't hot water or maybe what would be considered, like you know, expensive food, but it was very good, healthy food, plenty of it, and a lot of activity, that one being surfing. So a lot of getting really tired, using your body and then doing yoga to sort of recover and recovering with a lot of good food and meeting women and experiencing what it felt like to be that far outside of my comfort zone and how I showed up in that kind of situation.
Speaker 2:Naturally, yeah, yeah. So and then did you feel at all like any of that? What I was saying as far as like this is a new identity, or an opportunity to just share the pieces and parts that are important to you and and let go of maybe some of the pieces and parts that other people know you as that you don't have to carry into these new friendships or these new connections, or was that even something?
Speaker 1:Yeah, not necessarily just because that's not maybe how I show up in new situations, but, yeah, more of a chance to just show up honestly as myself when that opportunity presented itself. A lot of times I'm kind of like a sponge, like I just soak up other people and they're you know what they have to say and share, and so there was definitely a lot of that. And then, when asked or when a relationship felt like maybe it would deepen, then definitely, being myself at that time, I had just, I think, release the book and so I was already kind of in that phase is just trying to show up that way, no matter where I was, and so it was kind of like a greater test of that, like being open and honest about all of that. For sure, I don't I didn't feel like a reinvention and I felt like that was already kind of happening in my life.
Speaker 2:Gotcha Cool yeah. So then for me on the I don't know if I'd call it the opposite side of that, but definitely very several degrees off of those kinds of solo retreats Like. One example is last December. We may hear a doorbell soon.
Speaker 1:We live in a house with a child who's? Also living in this house and making sounds, and we have a postman that just showed up.
Speaker 2:He didn't ring the doorbell, though, so that's a part of case you wanted to know.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, so we, where was I going? No, I this is another one where I went off. These were with some people that I knew, a bunch of faces that I wouldn't know, but went into that. But this was like a highly curated experience where there were guests and experts and speakers and facilitators brought in that curated, a very, a very cultivated experience of. Here's some information, but here's some activities and exercises to test your, your comforts, yes, and you. This is the one that I love. It's, it's a forward to see that your comfort number, the comfort envol dónde les les dranés. It was very little change in your comfort, yeah. So I know it's interesting that I want to get into to things we already 위 recuperate in and in the future, but to couple times on the Jeff Elman, unex and don't worry about that where that is the case.
Speaker 2:Anyways, just, some of the activities were just completely novel to me and just like completely overwhelming, not in the sense of like this is a bad thing, but it just, it literally overwhelmed my nervous system, my mental capacity, my emotional capacity, all of that. So one example is we got together and did this shared grief circle experience. I've never done any kind of grief circle experience or any kind of grief experience all other than maybe talk to you sometimes about what I'm sad. So this was like an experience where there's 100 plus fellas in the room. The guy in the middle is curating this experience, he's setting up these prompts and these questions and he's starting to bring energy to the room. There's music in the room and everything. And he was just like, wow, I can feel this thing building and then as a group, you start, or as a group you just start to feel as one, Like it was.
Speaker 2:It was something I've never experienced before, but it was like I started to feel like that we were not 100 individual fellas with different minds and hearts and eyes and legs and all that kind of stuff. It almost started to feel like we were one system, like a colony or a hive or something like that, and it was like wild and we're going through the shared grief experience and he's setting it up and ultimately, like the room or the energy, or the group decides without spoken word who needs to really share their grief with the room so that the rest of the room can support them and love them and hold them, and all that kind of stuff. So anyways, yeah, this experience was, was wild, where a hundred of us are kind of doing what he's saying, yada, yada, yada it whittles down to about 20 are doing the thing, and then 10, and then five, and then eventually two, and of those two guys, like the idea is he's, he's using our group energy to distill and filter out who really needs this, and one of the guys, eventually the energy decided that Austin needed our love and support and our, our ears and and to hold space for him. And so then he, then the facilitator, worked with Austin to ask him some questions.
Speaker 2:Austin shared to the room and you know he's experiencing emotions, we're all experiencing emotions and it was just wild and that was like one of 10-ish type activities we did through the course of three days, two nights, and that one activity, like I'm saying, overwhelms me. Like that was an emotional like frickin boot camp, like I went through it and afterwards I was wiped out, like sometimes recording these podcasts wipes me out, or sometimes hanging out with a bunch of people wipes me out. This wiped me out to where I was like I'm done, like I'm spent. I want to go do these other things with these other guys, but I'm whooped. So that was. That's another example of, like some novel experiences by experts, you know, that have honed their craft well and can really evoke some amazing things that you may never have expected or intended.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I think that goes to a couple of my points about retreating, in whatever form. If you go to any situation, obviously what you went to was very intentional to create that experience, and that can often happen with a retreat. But if we simply go to nature or go to this group event or go to a place in ourselves that we often disconnect from with a sense of reverence, then that connection is a natural next event that happens when we go to these experiences with that sense of reverence, right, we begin to connect deeper to ourselves, to each other, and ultimately what I believe is just the source, energy that flows through all of us. And so if we're setting aside space and time to do this, then a natural byproduct of that is deeper connection, which you experienced in a really mystical way it sounds like, which can happen, and sometimes it's just a feeling of like oh, now I feel connected to my truth, or I see how this part of this person is similar to me, or I can have greater empathy for other people, or just a greater sense of belonging to the world itself, and so I think that is a main reason for retreating, whether you're retreating by yourself or in a group and whether it's a novel experience or a highly curated experience or an active one.
Speaker 1:Right In one of our retreats we did Via Ferrata, which I had never done, and we did whitewater rafting, also I had never done. There was a bit of adversity in both of those experiences and then as a group, we all felt a greater sense of connection because we had gone through those situations that put us outside of our comfort zone, that we had to sort of overcome and get past, and that leads to this sense of connection both to myself, to nature and to each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So kudos to retreating for those reasons.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think so, and I think one of the things that I, if I'm looking back at my life, it was like, yeah, that's nice, and I don't have the time or I'm not at a place in my life where that's available to me or that's just-.
Speaker 1:You mean? Just for clarity. I mean, if you're looking back like four years ago or something, yeah, some amount of years ago before I met the place.
Speaker 2:Now, where I do have an abundance of time, money isn't an issue in many ways and yeah, so I guess for the audience that may be, nay, saying like I don't know about retreating and all that, I think the overarching idea here is not you have to spend $2,000 or $500 or even $10. The idea is, hopefully, that you can just be curious and inquisitive of, like, what would retreating? What is a novel way to get out of the normal everyday life? Where can I give myself permission to take a step away from the kids?
Speaker 2:Maybe I can ask my partner to give me the weekend or the day or the night or an hour, anything like that, and find a way to create like this micro experience and then, from that micro experience, give yourself permission and the obligation to then reflect on that, like journal about it or talk to your best friend about it or do something to where you can reflect and say like, yeah, this part of me retreating away was really valuable. I might want to change this part and that part and I think that's gonna set you up to a place where this does not have to be a big investment of time or money or anything in that nature.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which reminds me you keep saying novelty, which I think is a good part of retreating. Novelty meaning just something new that feels different, not mundane or everyday, right? Which I think, whether we go to nature for that, or to a retreat for a week that cost a bunch of money, or to a front row dad's curated event, whatever it is, it is putting us in a situation that isn't everyday, and what naturally happens is we're using more of our senses, right. We become more of an observer, we are listening more, and so we're using our five senses, whether we're out in nature or at this event, and that automatically brings us more presence. And so it reminded me that there is a way that I retreat for pretty much free in our own home.
Speaker 1:I just go to a specific place in the bedroom which my body and nervous system has come to recognize as like oh, this is where we go to get present. I light a candle which isn't free, right. I sit on a certain pillow, I have my journal there and I have a playlist on Spotify that, when I hit, play on it automatically again reminds my nervous system myself that I'm dropping into this place where I tend to feel more presence just because I'm separating myself right, and then I can meditate or journal or do whatever I need to do to drop into that greater sense of presence which usually leads to a greater sense of clarity or some kind of a-ha or inspiration, and I can come from that situation feeling much more well rested, if it may be, or some kinds of answers to things I'm looking for, or some ideas that are new and fresh to me, that I didn't have going in, and so I can go do that for 30 minutes to an hour and get a similar feeling as I might paying for an expensive retreat after a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And so, yeah, I invite and encourage, support you all to do your version of retreating. And, yeah, reach out to us, hit us up. If you've done one or you've got some ideas, we'd love to add them and just find out what's going on in your world, as well as if you've got ideas of like, oh, this is a retreat I've gone to, like this is one where I've paid for.
Speaker 2:You know, like we mentioned with Surf, with Amiga's, one on my list that was an intention for 2023 but is not going to happen was to go to the Zinn Buddhist Retreat Center in Crestone, and I think that the flavor of that variety of novelty was I've never been to anything Buddhist before, so I was excited to see that experience. I love the area of Crestone and kind of the novel, the novelty of it's a very unique community, from what little I know, the times I've climbed to mountains in there. I love the mountains around that area, so that was going to be cool and I think one of their options I don't think every option, but I think one of their options is a silent retreat where, yeah, you just zip your lips for a specific amount of time. That's something I definitely want to do in the future, whether I pay someone to go be quiet or just engage in some kind of silent what do you call it? If you're just anyway, so yeah, just engaging in silence where it's like, yeah, okay, then I'm turning off one channel in and out of my body.
Speaker 2:So that means my brain hopefully can take a break from worrying about what I have to say and just be more present to what I'm listening to, what I'm hearing, what I'm feeling. Because what I've often found out, especially in conversation, which makes sense, is that I'm only probably catching 20 to 30% of what people are saying, because I'm worried about, like, what do I need to say back to them? Not an enegotistical place of like I'm more important, so you just shut up so I can share my piece, but just like, oh, I want to let them know I really heard them, so I want to share the right words, and then meanwhile I'm missing a lot of those words. So, yeah, a silent retreat is something that I'm excited about. Do you have anything kind of on your maybe not list, but that you've thought about, like that has a certain flare or category of retreat?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I'm doing another surf with Amiga's next year.
Speaker 2:Thanks to you.
Speaker 1:And definitely, I think, someday in the future, which may be distant. Uh, similar to what you're saying with the Creston place, which would be a good way to try it out and you can almost do it for free because you can volunteer to help cover your accommodations, you can help cook and clean while you're there, if that's a piece of what you want to do. But maybe doing something in Bali, that's similar where it's like. I love the idea of silence. I feel drawn to that. It would be.
Speaker 1:It would be interesting to push the limits of that, to how far I go before I start to feel really uncomfortable and then see what happens on the other side of that discomfort. So, yeah, those are things maybe coming up, things that I do in retrospect appreciate. Appreciate about retreats like the surf retreat is so physically demanding and difficult that when you eat or rest after that it just feels amazing Like I didn't know my body could push to that limit and now I get to refuel it properly and it feels like it really needs this. And there's something, at least for me, that feels really good about pushing my limits in those cases physically, but maybe with a silent retreat it would be mentally and emotionally and seeing what feelings you get on the other side of it.
Speaker 2:So yeah, yeah, so the front row dad's one. I wasn't like spent in a place of like, oh man, I need some nourishment now to revitalize me, but it was like shit, shit, shit, I need sleep. I can't even think about saying yes to this person about like hey, do you want to go grab a drink? Or anything. It's just like I need a bed and I need it now, type of thing. And yeah, there's definitely something that's probably evolutionarily cooked into us where a lot of our lives we didn't have the comforts or the convenience of being able to sit all day, so we did have to work our bodies all day and then get so tired that it just feels amazing then to renourish your body with both food and sleep in that way, especially if it's like clean food that I don't think you didn't have to make any other food at the Serpa, the Miga's right.
Speaker 1:Oh no, and that was like a bit of luxury about it that I wasn't eating eggs at the time, which luckily I feel like I can eat now but I didn't eat eggs or dairy or any gluten, and they made food that I could eat every day, including special pancakes that didn't have eggs or gluten and they put my name on them, so no one else, because at first other people were eating them, so then they put my name on them.
Speaker 1:So when someone is like treating you with that kind of love and care, it does feel really special, even if it's like a humble type of food, it's just like, oh, this is amazing, this is why I eat, or this is why.
Speaker 2:I sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so maybe to summarize, I did look up the definition of retreat and I don't know why. It was surprising to me, but it basically does summarize most of what we talked about. So a few of the definitions were to withdraw as like a form of changing in decision or plans or attitude, sometimes as a result of criticism, but that's not really what we're talking about here. It can mean quiet, a quiet, secluded place to rest and relax, or a period of seclusion for the purposes of prayer and meditation, which I think is very much what we're talking about in some ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I agree. So I, yeah. I think I want to keep this one short. We're at about 30 minutes, is that sound good? Oh, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm glad with that. I just have this Cheryl Strait quote to wrap with. If you don't, mind that reminded me of retreating right away when I thought about this Cheryl Strait of Wilde. Yeah, it's from her book Wilde, and I don't know if you're surprised, Chris, but maybe people might be surprised that it's not a Clarissa Pinkola Estes quote.
Speaker 2:What it's not from women who run with the wolves.
Speaker 1:So here is what Cheryl Strait has to say, which has a similar feeling to me about retreating. She says it had nothing to do with gear or footwear or the backpacking fads or philosophies of any particular era, or even with getting from point A to point B. It had to do with how it felt to be in the wild. This is. I don't that made me a bit emotional? There you go. I will want you to cut that out, but you probably won't. I won't.
Speaker 1:So she goes on with what it was like to walk for, with what it was like to walk for miles with no reason other than to witness the accumulation. Actually, I don't know, I'm gonna. I don't know if I can. I don't care if you want to, I just need to actually take a moment to regroup and drink a little bit of water Sorry.
Speaker 2:Does that help?
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you want me to start the whole thing over? I'm not cutting any of this out, oh it had to do with how it felt to be in the wild, with what it was like to walk for miles with no reason other than to witness the accumulation of trees and meadows. Yeah, you do it.
Speaker 2:I'm going to take it from there, other than to witness the accumulation of trees and meadows, mountains and deserts, streams and rocks, rivers and grasses, sunrises and sunsets, the experience was powerful and fundamental. And, yeah, so that seems like that experience whether you felt it firsthand or through Cheryl's eyes and words is, yeah, fundamental and moving to you. It's been moving to me to have those types of experiences as well. Nature is a powerful tool. Ourselves and retreating to ourselves is a powerful tool. You are not being selfish if you ask for time to put on your oxygen mask, if you're asking for time to go and be still and to grow and come back a better version of yourself, to better be in service of the ones you love and the ones that love you and everything. So, yeah, to think of that as selfish is not the right way to look at it, in my opinion. So, yeah, I encourage you all to find a version of retreats. Come join us on it. Want to go back to yourself, retreat in the future and, yeah, much, much love to you all.