The Six Human Needs - Part 2 - Love/Connection & Significance

In this second installment of our deep-dive trilogy on Tony Robbins’ Six Basic Human Needs, I walk you through the third and fourth needs that drive human behavior: Love & Connection and Significance.

This episode digs into how these two needs show up in your relationships, career, and self-worth—and how they can either fuel or derail your growth depending on how you meet them. 

🔑 What you’ll uncover in this episode:

• The double-edged sword of seeking love versus settling for connection
• Why chasing significance might be quietly eroding your relationships
• The identity crisis that forced James to re-evaluate his own need for validation
• How meeting your needs in empowering vs. disempowering ways determines your quality of life

⚠️ This isn’t surface-level self-help fluff. It’s real, vulnerable, and will absolutely make you check yourself.

#SixHumanNeeds #LoveAndConnection #PersonalGrowthJourney #SelfAwarenessMatters #SignificanceVsLove #IntentionalLiving #TonyRobbinsWisdom #EmotionalNeeds #TransformYourLife #PodcastMotivation

Transcript

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James Dunn: All right. Welcome back to the show, all right. Today's episode is actually part 2 of 3. So if you've not listened to the previous episode where I went over the very 1st 2 of the 6 basic human needs definitely go back and listen to that full episode. I'm going to give a quick recap

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James Dunn: of what the 6 basic human needs are what the 1st 2 were. But this is just going to be a super quick overview. And you're going to miss the meat of what they are all about. If you don't go back and listen to that previous episode. So stop right now go back and listen that previous episode, and then jump in here and listen to me. Share with you what the number 3 and number 4, basic human needs of humans are

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James Dunn: without any further ado. Let's go ahead and jump into those, or actually just a quick recap the 6 basic human needs. They are these 6 basic things that every single human being needs, that they thrive on, that they desire. You know, once we get past the food and shelter, as I said in the previous episode there are other variations of, you know, basic human needs. Maslow's law of Hierarchy.

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James Dunn: It's kind of probably the most famous one that is out there. I don't really love it as much, because it's not as easy for me to see it in my real day to day life. I love this version of them which came from Tony Robbins.

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James Dunn: and the 1st 2 that I did share with you were certainty and uncertainty, slash variety.

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James Dunn: Those were the 1st 2 basic human needs. And let's go ahead and dive now into basic need. Number 3 significance. Now, this is one that I discovered going through this process of learning about them and diving into them

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James Dunn: at Tony Robbins events. The very 1st one I went to is where I learned about this, but diving into my story and looking at my life, I recognized that significance was one that was probably controlling my life more than anything else. I want to give you a, you know, read to you the

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James Dunn: definition that I found, you know, for significance and significance is the need to feel important achievement, respect, special needed wanted and unique in our lives. And I, you know, these are the 6 basic human needs. So we all feel these on some level on, you know, we feel significance, we feel certainty, uncertainty, and the other needs I'm going to share with you. But this was the one that I looked back at and said, Huh! You know, as I look at my life, and I look at the things that I do.

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James Dunn: I personally feel like maybe it came from

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James Dunn: being adopted. Maybe it was from, you know, the situation. The feeling I came from a place that you know, was a very small town, a very Blue Collar Town, and I felt like there was something more out there in life that I wanted and that I saw in the movies and on television and heard about in music and read about in magazines, and

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James Dunn: really felt like, I need to show the world that I am something special. I need to have significance in this world, and that actually led me down a dark path, and I didn't realize it at the time, because I want to share with you some ways that you can find significance in your life. And as we did share in the previous episode, there are ways that you can do this in a constructive way, and there are ways that you can do this in a destructive way.

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James Dunn: So let me dive into some examples here on how you can find significance in your life.

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James Dunn: and you know some positive ways that I found significance in my life is being a dad.

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James Dunn: you know. That is, I don't know if there is a more significant role that you can play in life except maybe a mother. But being a parent is the single most significant role you could ever possibly play in this world because you gave life to somebody. You are raising somebody, you are helping, guide them, mold them, shape them, give them ideas on what the world is like, what it's supposed to be like, how to navigate the world. I truly don't know if there is a more significant role that you can play in the world than that

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James Dunn: now I didn't become a father for this role for that idea. It was not something I ever planned on doing. But it just so happened to be that I did become a father. And now I found significance in that role another way that I have found significance in life. And this is a positive way that I did choose to become significant was hosting this podcast becoming a life coach.

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James Dunn: putting the knowledge that I found through Tony Robbins and through Jim Rohn, and through so many other mentors over the years, whether it be going to their live events. And we're reading their books wherever I happen to gain that knowledge from me, turning around and sharing that with you in avenues like today, through this podcast through courses that I run through one-on-one coaching through groups that I have led here, locally, in my hometown.

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James Dunn: anywhere, even just, you know, having conversations with people.

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James Dunn: one on one in our day to day lives. You know, friends, that we connect friends that I connect with and talk to and share my quote unquote worldly advice with, I find great significance in that. And that's a very positive way for me to be significant in life. And so, as I'm sharing these examples.

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James Dunn: What I would love for you to do is look for these in your life as well.

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James Dunn: So another way that I found significance in the past, because I don't do this anymore is I became a real estate investor, and what I was doing is I was buying property. I was buying it to fix it up, flip it, resell it, or maybe rent it out as a rental property. But that is a very significant role. I'm taking on this

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James Dunn: role of community builder. You know, I'm trying to help the community become better by going into some area, going into a neighborhood, going into a city block or somewhere, and saying, Hey, here's this old dilapidated house. I'm going to fix it up. I'm going to make it look nice when you drive down your street today. You're going to see a much nicer house than you saw yesterday, hopefully, or as a rental, as a landlord, as a rental owner, as a landlord.

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James Dunn: There I was, was providing homes, providing shelter, providing a safe place for people to come home after work every single day and create their own lives. So that is a very significant role that I found in my life, and that I played for other people, that you might find in your own life.

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James Dunn: Some other areas that I found significance in that you might find significance in is, look in your life. Is there any place where you are part of community groups. I myself, I became a member of rotary for about a year or so. I've become part of other groups over the years as well. But that's the one that stands out in my mind, because it had a pretty significant

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James Dunn: role in my life. No pun intended but becoming a member of that particular group. When you become a member of groups like that, you are now again going out here and trying to help the community trying to

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James Dunn: do good things for the community. I know for myself in that rotary club.

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James Dunn: One thing we did every single year was we had an annual back to school drive where we would hand out backpacks and school supplies to needy kids. I know there's another rotary group that's here in town as well that they do a citrus drive every year, so they raise a bunch of money by selling grapefruits. I don't know how many people buy them. It seems like it does really really well, but I don't eat grapefruits, but anyway, they they put that out there, and they're like we also did adopt a highway in town where we would go out.

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James Dunn: I don't remember how often we would do it. We would go out every so often we would clean up this little stretch of road. And it was one of those things where, as part of this community or as part of this group, you're out there trying to benefit the community, you're trying to. Yeah, of course, you're in their networking and meeting other business people. Things like that. But you're also trying to become a help. The community become better

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James Dunn: so in your life. Are there places where you have done that could be rotary? It could be the Lions Club. It could be you know, becoming part of your Chamber of Commerce.

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James Dunn: and it could be

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James Dunn: maybe inside of your work environment. You know, they've got a healthy fit club or something like that that's trying to help the group members or members inside of your workplace stay more fit and more active. And so you're cheering people on or guiding, you know, weekly workouts.

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James Dunn: things like that. Maybe that's something that you do to find significance

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James Dunn: another way that you might find significance. And I find it is buying lunch for a friend. Something as simple as that, you know, my buddy and I. We go out. We try and do it once every month. It rarely seems to happen quite that often, but what we've gotten into the habit of doing is just trading off one another's like one time. I'll buy lunch the next time he buys lunch, and then I'll buy lunch. Then he buys lunch. You might do this for your family. You might give your kids a couple extra dollars when they're getting ready to go out to the movie.

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James Dunn: or, you know, go to a football game or something like that. You might give them an extra few dollars that they wouldn't normally get. Maybe it's beyond their allowance that they would get weekly. And you know it's a special one, and there's something big going on, or maybe they've got something that they wanna do. And so you give them an extra few dollars, or if it's something in your workplace, you might find significance by being a supervisor or superior to other people.

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James Dunn: or just being somebody who is caring and considerate to others. You don't have to be in a role, somebody, you know, higher than somebody. If you can just do something that benefits somebody that helps somebody, you can find positive significance in that action. So these are ways that I found significance in my life, and that you might find them in yours. So again, really look through and see in your life where that might be showing up.

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James Dunn: But as we've also talked about, there can be negative sides to this for me.

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James Dunn: Well, let me just say before I dive super deep into me, because there, there's gonna be a big one here at the end that you already know about. But I'm gonna bring it up and and talk about it a little bit.

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James Dunn: flaunting or bragging on Facebook, Instagram Tiktok. Things like that. You don't see it as much anymore. The flex culture has kind of gone out, but used to see that quite a bit where people would be standing in front of jets, or they would have this super awesome looking car, or they're going, you know, flashing dollar bills, you know, $100 bills and stacks of money on Instagram, and

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James Dunn: whatever place they like to show up, and just be super flashy, doing all that thankfully. That trend seems to have gone away. For the most part you don't really see it anymore. At least I don't.

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James Dunn: But that is a way that people found significance. They were showing up on the social media platforms.

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James Dunn: Hopefully, that wasn't you. If it was you. Hopefully, you've learned your lesson that that's not cool. It's not kosher. It's not interesting to anybody anymore. We we see through the bullshit. The people that are making that kind of money aren't flashing it like that. They naturally evoke what people like that we're trying to get out there. So, but just going on to

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James Dunn: social media. If you find yourself going on there and posting something just strictly to look cool, to be like, hey, look at me

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James Dunn: and let me

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James Dunn: slide off here a little bit, that's not to say. Don't go on there and share about things that you're proud of and accomplishments you have. I can give a very specific example, just literally. Yesterday I ran a 10 K. Here in my town, and I ended up, taking 3rd place in my age group. I went on to Instagram later later that day yesterday posted a photo, shared my experience that I ran the 10 K. And that I took 3rd in my age group.

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James Dunn: Got a ton of significance from the world, you know, by them, commenting and congratulating me and saying great job and liking the post and things like that.

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James Dunn: I didn't do it just for that. Now. Did that come from me posting it out there, of course, but I didn't do it just for that. And that's where I think the fine line comes into play is being very careful not to do things not to share things strictly for the idea of. Well, I'm gonna show you how awesome I am. Look at this. Oh, I'm gonna show you how awesome I am. Look at this. I do share some things not so much from perspective of oh, look how awesome I am!

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James Dunn: It's look what you can do. If I can do this, you can do it as well. I always try and frame anything like that that I put out there myself, as if I can do this, you can do this. Let me show you, no matter what your excuse is, you can find a way to do these things, so be very careful

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James Dunn: how you're sharing, because something that you do

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James Dunn: could go either direction, good or bad, just based strictly on. Why you're doing the thing. It's not what you're doing so much. It's why you're doing the thing

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James Dunn: all right. That's my little rant. So

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James Dunn: sharing on social media just for the idea of look at how awesome I, fucking am. Another one you can do is if you are in a supervisor position, or even if you're just in a position where others are trying to help guide you

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James Dunn: in your workplace. Maybe you're saying you know what I don't want to listen to you. I don't have to listen to you. And so you're throwing a little tantrum. You're throwing a fit, and you're saying I'm not going to do it. You gain significance by being the squeaky wheel. You gain significance by being that person who's saying, No, I'm not going to do this, because now suddenly you're stopping everybody else from doing the thing that needs to happen, or you're making it much more challenging for them. So that's a significant role you're playing in the workplace.

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James Dunn: And again.

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James Dunn: maybe you need to. Maybe you need to step up and say, Hey, I don't believe in what's going on here. I don't like the direction we're going, or I feel like there's a better way. But inside of a workplace maybe this is some place where you, if it's 6 people on this task force, let's say, and you're the only person that's saying, no, this is not working. But these other 5 people

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James Dunn: we're all saying, yes, we think this is a great idea. Maybe that's when you step back and say, you know what I'm going to defer to you guys, I'm gonna let you make the decision here. I feel like, I don't really like this idea. I don't think it's gonna work out well, but I'm going to support the group. I can see that you guys are all very passionate about this, and this is not a life or death situation. So I'm not going to make this the hill that I die on, I'm going to support you guys, I'm going to support this initiative. And I'm gonna give it everything that I've got.

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James Dunn: But be very careful. Because if you're again just doing this thing by being an asshole, being the person that's stopping everything from going, just gain significance. That's what we want to avoid.

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James Dunn: If you are an employer.

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James Dunn: Maybe this is happening to you. Maybe you're in a retail environment. Maybe you are just even.

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James Dunn: you know, as a coach, as somebody who is putting themselves out there.

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James Dunn: Somebody, you know, ask you a question, or somebody wants your help for something, and you say No, just to be a dick, you know, if you say no, just to be rude again. That's where you're posturing, and you're saying, Aha! Look at me. I've got the power over you. You can't control me.

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James Dunn: That can be a negative way. And again, we always have to look at this. Is it right to say no. Is it right to tell somebody? No, okay, it might be it might justify a no. But are you doing it just to make this person angry because that could happen. Maybe they've upset you. Maybe they've done something prior to them asking for something that really pissed you off really ticked you off. And you're like, you know what I could do that, but fuck them. I'm not going to do that. That's gaining significance, I think, in a negative way.

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James Dunn: and we'll just leave that at that myself.

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James Dunn: I I've done this once or twice thankfully. That's old lessons, but not being an understanding, father, you know. Sometimes maybe I have said no to my kids, strictly because I'm like well, because I said so, I mean, how many of us have heard that from our parents like? No, is the answer. And when we ask why? They say

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James Dunn: just because I said so, I don't need to have any other reason to say no.

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James Dunn: and that's not always a fun answer here as a kid. But am I saying No, just to say no, or because there is a truly valid reason?

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James Dunn: So look at yourself as a parent. Are you saying no? Are you telling your kids? No, just to have significance in your life, and just to say, Well, because I'm the parent. I decide how things go.

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James Dunn: or are you being more open to the possibility of allowing them to make judgment for themselves, make decisions for themselves and learn their lessons. Maybe the hard way sometimes

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James Dunn: and here is the final one on my list

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James Dunn: is how I found significance in my personal life. Hopefully. You have never done this or plan to do this. But armed robbery.

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James Dunn: how much more fucking significant can you get

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James Dunn: than putting a gun to somebody's face and saying, Give me your money.

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James Dunn: That's pretty fucking significant, because I was literally taking their life in my hands. It was a well, I'm just gonna leave it.

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James Dunn: I

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James Dunn: I found extreme significance through that action now. It's not a situation where I personally went into there going. Oh, I'm going to be significant, because I'm going to point this gun at somebody, and I'm going to say, Give me your money.

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James Dunn: or whatever you know. This is going to go ugly if you don't, you know, kind of a thing. I didn't go into this scenario realizing that. But I can see it now. Looking back, this was a basic human need. I felt overlooked. I felt unheard in my life because of things I went through with my dad being an alcoholic, and because I was a very shy kid when I was much younger, and so I didn't get a lot of the attention and the connection that I really really wanted to have in life. And so.

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James Dunn: when I was given an opportunity unbeknownst to me, I sought significance. I sought this opportunity to become something where. Listen, motherfucker, I am here, and you're going to pay attention to me right now. You are going to listen to every fucking word I say, and you're going to sit there, and you're going to shut up, and you're going to do anything that I tell you to, because if not, I've got this gun. And as I said, things aren't going to end well, if you don't listen to me.

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James Dunn: That's extremely powerful, and it's extremely intoxicating.

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James Dunn: and we'll pull you in if you're not careful. So this is where, if you see

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James Dunn: teenagers, especially the guys that get into gangs and things like that, they're going through very similar situations in their life where they feel unheard, they feel misunderstood. They're not getting the attention that they want. And then when they pull out that gun and they've got their buddies there with them, and even if they don't have guns where they've just got that gang of people with them, and they can beat the shit out of somebody. There's extreme significance in that, and you can get very

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James Dunn: powerful feelings from just doing that. So next time you see somebody who's doing that. And if it's you, obviously don't do that. But next time you see somebody like that I'm not saying it's right, but maybe have a little more compassion for them and understand a little more why they are doing these things. Because

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James Dunn: it's it's drawn. It's drawn to them

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James Dunn: from a deep, deep place of looking for significance. So these are these are ways that you can go, both good or bad, in finding significance.

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James Dunn: Which was the 3rd of these 6 basic human needs.

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James Dunn: No, let's go ahead and dive into Number 4 and Number 4 is

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James Dunn: connection and love. All right. So I actually just kind of teased it a little while ago, when I talked about significance. You know I was not feeling connection. I was not feeling connected to the world. I had a great group of friends you know that I loved hanging out with.

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James Dunn: but I wasn't feeling like the true connection and love. I didn't feel that from my dad at all, because he was an alcoholic. He was too buried in that whole mess that he was in my mom, a lover to death lover with all my heart. But I think she was disconnected from a lot of things dealing with what my dad, you know, was going through, and also the upbringing she had. I don't believe she was a person who was shown a lot of love and definitely not told. I love you enough or hugged enough.

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James Dunn: It's not to say that there's anything

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James Dunn: you know bad about her parents, because I guarantee you that they had kind of very similar situation. But my parents were not the parents that were we love you, son.

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James Dunn: we, and again giving hugs and talking about your feelings, talking about your emotions any of that. There was none of that in my household that I remember. Maybe it was there. Maybe I blocked it out, but I don't remember any of that. And so I felt this lack of connection. I felt this lack of love. I felt this lack of significance. So these are some of the things that were driving me in my life to do some of the things that I did.

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James Dunn: and so to give you the

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James Dunn: professional definition of connection and love. It's the need to feel togetherness, passion, unity, warmth, desire, and love in our lives.

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James Dunn: Like I said, it's probably connection. But you know what connection and love is, and

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James Dunn: there's connection is what most people settle, for

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James Dunn: I think this is what happens, and why we end up with so many divorces.

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James Dunn: Well, at least one of the main reasons why we end up with so many divorces is because people are lacking the true love, that true deep sense of compatibility, of companionship, of togetherness. And so they end up settling for connection. They end up finding people in their lives, or bring people into their lives that they connect with. You know they get along with them pretty well, and they have some fun. They have some laughs, and so there's some connection.

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James Dunn: But they don't go deeper than that

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James Dunn: yet. They'll still go, and they'll get married. And then, as time progresses, there's not that deep sense, the true deep sense of connection. And so that's where eventually they'll start splintering apart, and if they stay together, it's not a happy marriage. It's not the blissful, loving marriage that you truly truly want. It's just a companionship marriage. It's 2 people that are just in the same space together.

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James Dunn: True love, that's when you have that true, honest support of I love you. I support you. I know you're going to evolve. I know I'm going to evolve. We're going to allow each other to evolve in different directions a little bit. You're going to go a little bit over here. I'm a little bit over there. We're going to support each other in that evolution and that growth. We're not going to try and hold each other back. We're going to be team members. We're going to

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James Dunn: share ideas. And we're not always going to agree on everything. But we're going to work together towards this, we're going to work together towards a common goal of creating an amazing relationship and find that balance and find that harmony and find that

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James Dunn: that smooth

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James Dunn: movement between all of this. That's what we're looking for, and that's what love is. And that's where we ideally want to be. And so what you want to do

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James Dunn: is finite in your life

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James Dunn: myself, where I was finding connection and love, and where I can share with you, I find connection, love, and maybe you find connection. And love is. Think about your family, you know. If you've got kids.

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James Dunn: you've got parents or you had parents. You've got aunts, uncles, cousins. You've got your family

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James Dunn: on some version. Hopefully, hopefully, you still got some of them around. I know mine. Unfortunately, many of them have been dying off for the last 1012 years at a very rapid pace. I'm losing the vast majority of them. But right now I got my kids. I've got my nephew, my nieces and nephews

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James Dunn: actually, I just got one niece. So, niece and nephews, I've got my grandson. I have my mom right now, thankfully, I've got

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James Dunn: a couple of cousins left. One, aunt, I think. Jesus, 2 aunts, maybe. Okay, yes, I mean, but

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James Dunn: connection, love. You find that through your family members. So that's someplace that you can find love or connection.

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James Dunn: As I do this podcast as I share things on social media, as I hosted groups here in the local area, or as I host groups online and programs online, I can find connection and love through that. Now, they're not necessarily gonna be deep love. But I'm going to find connection with people. We are going to build bonds. And we're going to build relationships through those situations. When I went to Tony Robbins events, or if you go to any kind of personal development events.

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James Dunn: or even think about it, you know, from football games. If you got a football team that you love, maybe you're going to the local bar and you're hanging out with people there

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James Dunn: you know that. Support your team, or even just the online presence. That is the one beauty or one of the beauties of the online space is the ability to connect with people all over the world

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James Dunn: who have like-minded ideas and who share common interests. So myself, steeler nation, you know we have this bond. We have this connection that we share with each other. So maybe you have that in through sports teams.

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James Dunn: through interests. If you happen to be a runner, if you happen to be into cycling if you happen to be into swimming, whatever it happens to be weightlifting crossfit. There's so many big.

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James Dunn: you know, amazing communities in the fitness world. So things like that you're finding connection with people. I found it through multilevel marketing. That was something that I used to do, and I found a connection through those people. We'd all go to events together. We would support each other, challenge each other. You can even find connection. And this is a weird one, too. But you can find connection in movies and television shows and music.

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James Dunn: When I go to watch a movie, I'm finding a deep connection with some of those characters on that screen. When I listen to music, I'm finding a deep connection with some of the stories that those singers are singing about.

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James Dunn: Also, when you go to movies, you got the connection with the people in that audience. You're sharing experience together.

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James Dunn: When you listen to music going in concerts, you suddenly get into a room full of maybe a couple 100 people, maybe a couple 1,000 people, or tens of thousands of people that all share a common bond with you. So there is a massive connection you're in there, cheering and screaming and yelling, and having an amazing time like dude. We are one I have met

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James Dunn: lifelong friends, you know, or connections through some of these things, through going to concerts, through personal development events. So where in your life are you finding connection and love with people in a positive fashion. These are all positive fashions where you can find love and connection.

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James Dunn: Now let's swing this to the other side go into the other direction, going to that negative side of things, we can find love and connection.

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James Dunn: If you are spending too much time.

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James Dunn: This one is extremely, extremely, extremely dangerous.

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James Dunn: I think one of the most dangerous things that you can do in terms of finding connection, and love is spending too much time with people who are not on the same

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James Dunn: playing field as you, and I don't mean this as they're lesser people in you, that you're somehow better than them, or that they're even bad people not to say that in any way, shape or form. What I'm saying here is, look at the people that you're spending time with? And are you spending time with people who are on the same path as you that want to improve their life, to take it to the next level to make things better for yourself, for the world.

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James Dunn: to just have goals and dreams and aspirations, and not just have them, but actually do something about them. Are you spending time with those people.

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James Dunn: or are you spending time with people who are

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James Dunn: finding every excuse, every reason in the book not to do anything about where they're at in life, and just complain about it, moan about it, and say, Oh, well, if it wasn't for trump or Elon. I would have this. Oh, if it wasn't for

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James Dunn: whatever, then I would have this or that. You know my boss is stopping me from doing this, and if only he would let me have this promotion, then I would be so much better off, and I'd be making more money, or whatever that happens to be. Are you spending too much time hanging out with those people?

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James Dunn: It can be very easy to find connection with those people, because if you're struggling, and you're not keeping that proper mindset and the proper focus on what's available to you and where you can potentially go. And you can lead yourself.

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James Dunn: You're going to allow their belief systems to

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James Dunn: seep into your mindset, seep into your soul and block you from doing the things that you need to do, and it's very easy again to fall into that.

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James Dunn: Let me have that connection with them, because I'm connected with somebody. I'm not seeing people around me that are doing things I want to do necessarily. So I'm going to stay here stuck with these people because it makes me okay. If I'm the guy stepping out and doing things. I'm the oddball. But if I'm this group, you know part of this group of 10 people or something, we're all hanging out drinking a beer, and we're all just bitching and moaning, complaining about the government, or complaining about our bosses, or complaining about

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James Dunn: the city council, or whoever I'm finding connection there. And that's a negative way to find connection. That's not where we want to find ourselves and find connection.

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James Dunn: We want to find connection with people who are in a positive state of mind, and who are working towards goals like we are, and in that same direction that we are.

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James Dunn: If you find yourself in a relationship

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James Dunn: with somebody just for physical needs. Now.

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James Dunn: trust me, I am not going to sit here and say that there's nothing wrong, or that there's something wrong with.

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James Dunn: you know, having a friend with benefits or being in a relationship where that's the primary purpose.

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James Dunn: That's that is what it is. I've definitely been there. I'm not going to knock that whatsoever. But if that's where we end up and don't realize it, if we're not strictly conscious of it, because I think that can be very healthy friends with benefit relationships or things like that as long as you're coming at it from the perspective of I know this is what this is. I know we're both just having a good time here. We're having some fun. We're not taking this seriously. We're just kind of doing our thing and 2 humans doing what humans do.

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James Dunn: But if you're getting into relationships over and over and over again.

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James Dunn: strictly because you need some companionship strictly because you need somebody in your life. You want to have somebody there, or strictly because you have these physical needs, and you can't

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James Dunn: seem to

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James Dunn: control those urges. So I'm just gonna go have sex with this person. I'm gonna go do this. But I'm gonna tell them that we're more serious about this. I'm gonna lead them on, do things like that.

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James Dunn: or just staying in a relationship. Because again, you want that person there, I've had friends in my in my life that unfortunately, I see it happen over and over and over again. They get in a relationship. It doesn't work out. They break up.

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James Dunn: They within literally weeks are in another relationship, and they go through that relationship. It breaks up, and then they do the same thing over and over and over and over again. They feel like they have to have that connection. They've not been able to stand on their own. So look in your life. Is this a pattern that you've fallen into at some point? Or are you in this pattern now, where you feel like you have to have connection? I have to have somebody go out to dinner with. I have to have somebody sit on the couch with me. I have to have somebody all the time around me? Or are you able to

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James Dunn: be on your own? Are you able to have

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James Dunn: that ability to just go out and go to dinner alone? Go to a movie alone, sit at home alone and not be depressed. Not be sad about it. So you know what I'm taking time for me. I'm focusing on me right now and celebrating that is that something that you're doing. So be very careful of those. Maybe it's a situation where you're finding connection

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James Dunn: in not speaking your truth.

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James Dunn: you know, we just talked about the idea of hanging around with people who have maybe lesser standards than you, who aren't living up to the potential that you know you're capable of, and that want you want to live up to.

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James Dunn: If you're not speaking your truth, then you're finding connection by just staying in that group and not saying, You know what? Hey, guys? Let's

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James Dunn: my life in your life has nothing to do with Elon. It has nothing to do with trump. Yeah, they've got a bunch of stuff that they're doing, and there might be some very small areas where they have control over our day to day lives, but for the most part they don't affect our day to day life.

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James Dunn: And so, if you're hiding from that conversation, if you're hiding from situations like that, where you're afraid to step up and say who you are, what you're about.

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James Dunn: what your true feelings are, and you're just diminishing your voice. And you're you're not saying the things that you want to say just to fit in. That's a negative way to find connection. We don't want to do that. We don't want to allow ourselves to fall into that trap. We need to take control over ourselves and find connection with people that are going to support our goals, and are going to believe in us and

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James Dunn: and support us, and challenge us and guide us.

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James Dunn: So be very, very careful if that's a situation that you found

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James Dunn: in your life at some point, you know, or if that's something that you're in right now.

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James Dunn: Also.

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James Dunn: I've kind of already touched on a little bit. But you know, staying in relationships, you know, back to that parental benefits thing. If it is more of a situation where you've gotten into the relationship, and you stay there knowing that it's not something

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James Dunn: that is going to get you to where you want to be in life. You're not having that true true love, that true, deep connection, the true openness, honesty, connection

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James Dunn: where you can share your true voice, your true opinion, your true feelings, this all really comes down to

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James Dunn: finding connection. Because you we're we're not by denying who you are, by denying what truly means

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James Dunn: the most to you. What's most important to you by denying who you want to be and what you want to share, and what you want to express in this world. This is not how we want to find connection. That's really what this. I could probably summarize all of this in in that short little sentence of finding connection by not being who you are. We want to shift ourself, our focus in finding connection and love

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James Dunn: through relationships that are empowering, that are going to allow us to be who we are unapologetically. And does that mean? We can just be a complete Dick all the time. Fuck! No, but it does mean that the people that we're around are going to understand us, respect us, and

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James Dunn: just be there to support us, for who we are and not judge us not

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James Dunn: try to bring us down or tell us that you know we're wrong.

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James Dunn: or if we or if they do believe we're wrong, at least have an open, honest dialogue and open, honest conversation.

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James Dunn: But you see where I'm going with that. So those are some really negative ways that you can find love and connection.

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James Dunn: and what I want to share with these is these 1st 4

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James Dunn: needs that I've shared with you certainty, uncertainty, significance, love, and connection.

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James Dunn: Those are what Tony Robbins defines as the needs of the personality. And I look at that as those are the needs of the ego. Those are all the self-centered

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James Dunn: needs that we have. Those are all like, I need certainty in this life. I have to have variety in this life. I need to feel significant in this life. I need to have connections like that's that's what those needs are. And there's and are these bad? No, I mean, I just share with you how we can find good.

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James Dunn: good, positive ways that these can benefit our life. These these needs are not good and not bad. But the the 2 final needs that I'm going to share with you in the next episode. Those are going to be needs of a different type, and they're going to be a little bit focused in a different direction, these 1st 4 human needs. Those are the needs of the personality. So just be aware of how they're affecting you and what you're focusing on.

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James Dunn: Because again, we do have to focus on ourselves. We do need to take care of ourselves. We need to express ourselves in as openly and honestly a way as possible.

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James Dunn: So look at your life. I know. At the end of the last episode I asked you to take a look at your life and see where you were finding certainty and uncertainty, and so I won't necessarily ask you to go back and do those. But after this episode take some time. Sit down, ask yourself, where have I been finding significance in my life? Where have I been finding love and connection in my life, and has it been in a positive manner? Or has it been in a negative manner?

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James Dunn: And and anymore.

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James Dunn: I try to be careful about saying positive or negative? But I do want to at least list them that way. For now, even though everything negative is bringing us something that we need in our life that we feel like we need in our life, and it's teaching us something. But how is it maybe been in an unhealthy way and unhelpful way? And how has it been in a positive way, in a in a way that has helped you in your life, or a more noticeably

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James Dunn: direct way of helping you in your life.

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James Dunn: How have you found that significance, love, and connection? And then we'll wrap up this series in the next episode by diving into those final 2 needs, which, as I said, are focused a little bit differently in our lives. But until that time, my friends, you know what I'm going to say. Get out there. Have an amazing fucking day, and I'll see you next time.