NO DIDDY.......

"🎙️ In this episode, I confront the harsh realities of abuse and explore ways to support survivors. Join me as i break the silence, share powerful stories and experiences, and discuss how we can all make a difference. It's time to speak up and take a stand. 

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HOM, Hour of Meditation- https://www.youtube.com/live/_5KWa_UszFg?si=dKLdh8_quky2t3vH 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hello, hello everyone. Welcome back to Emotional Conversations with Esther. And of course, I'm gonna let that be right out for y'all, duh. Sometimes the reason why the music be riding out is because I be dancing. Like I be, yeah, ah, get it, ah, get it. Yeah. Yeah. That's like my mood all the time. Just like eh, eh. Yeah, I'm a stop. I'ma stop. I'ma stop. I'ma stop. But, anyways, welcome back to Emotional Conversations with Esther. Trigger warning. We are getting into some things today. Some of it might be a little dark, some of it might be a little triggering for some of the listeners and for myself too. But I am in this place where there's no fear for me. And I don't know, as you get older, like you just really don't care what people have to say about you or care what people have to say about your story, your journey. Like, my journey is my journey. Journey. Well, you tried it, devil. My journey is my journey. Listen, the devil be trying to tongue twist me because I speak fast. I'm trying to like slow down my thoughts because as fast as my words are going, my word like my thought, my thoughts are going even faster. So I be doing announcements at church, fumbling names. I call myself the rapping announcer because I be rapping those testimonies real quick. Okay. But God is good. And definitely you're not gonna get me. So um, yeah, so trigger warning. I just really wanna I wanna put that out there that the main I don't even know. This is a tough situation. I really didn't want to talk about this, but because I don't do hot topics, to be really honest, but I find that a lot of the things that do happen in culture and pop culture and society and things like that, like I have either experienced or have friends that have experienced it. And I think that there's some it's a conversation to be had with my listeners. I know everyone's talking about this, and I really don't like to add my voice to things that are super trendy. Like I'm not a trendy babe, like I usually wait for the trends to pass. Like, even when I was younger, you know, capris were in and all that stuff, and I would like wait for it to pass, pass before I, you know what I mean, I would really get into it. But yeah, like I don't really like to do the hot topics because I find that like a lot of times when people are talking about these situations and things like that, it's just for clout, it's for clickbait. People really don't care about these people. So today we're gonna be diving into the Diddy situation, of course, like the Diddy and Cassie situation, just like what's going on with you know the video that we saw, and of course the affidavit that um Cassie put out, and you know, for me they're not allegations because I I do think that, you know, Diddy is he is guilty. Um just that video solidified it. But I really want to talk about emotional abuse, physical abuse. I want to um and how that ties with our self-worth and how we see ourselves and the trauma that we've experienced as children, adults, teenagers. Yeah, like I really wanna I wanna look at it from a holistic view. If that even if we can even do that. So a trigger warning for sure, because I know that when I seen that video, um, it brought me back to a time where I experienced something like that. Where I was kicked to the when I would where I was pushed to the ground, kicked, and um like my personality, like I I try to make light of things. So if you guys see that, like I kind of jump into I jump in from being serious to trying to make light of things, it's because that's how I cope. It's you know, like you, I'm literally doing this with you guys in real time. It's it's how I cope with things, and I'm trying to find a different way of how I can cope with things instead of like laughing about it. But I I really do laugh from to keep myself from crying from a lot of things, and this is such a a tricky topic. It's a hard topic, it's something that is hard to discuss. Excuse me, it's something that's hard to discuss, and I think that there's things that I've experienced that no one knows. There I know that there's things that I've experienced that no one knows, and I'm just at a place where I'm okay to share them. It's not something that I'm ashamed of, it's not something that I'm currently experiencing and will ever experience again by the grace of God. So for everyone that's listening, I'm gonna definitely have some resources. If you've experienced this, if you are experiencing this, on where you can get help, therapy, you know, because I just you know, I just like that video was triggering. You know what I mean? If you haven't seen it, I don't recommend that you go and watch it. Of you know, so last week, if I'm correct, um there was a video of Diddy running down a hallway and attacking his ex-girlfriend Cassie, um, shoving her to the ground, stomping her, kicking her, and she laid on the ground lifeless. She didn't even want to fight back. And it's so crazy because I've been in that exact situation where I've been chased around the block of my ex-boyfriend's house, and I'm not sure what we were fighting about. I'm sure it was like some regular nonsense. And I remember I I it was really interesting because I I dated this guy for years, years, like more than a decade. And it was so weird because it was like he was really verbally abusive and like mentally abusive and emotionally abusive, and then like it came to like this patch in our relationship where he got physically abusive, which was very weird. It wasn't it wasn't normal. Like I didn't it it blindsided me, you know what I mean? But what I want you guys to know that is you need let's start with the signs, and I hate to say red flags and all that stuff because those are buzzwords. We're talking about real life here. Like the signs are usually there when you are getting into a situation with an abuser, someone that is abusive. If someone is emotionally abusive to you, if someone is you know um mentally abusive to you, they will graduate and get their honors in physically abusing you. And that's the truth. They will absolutely graduate because it's a thirst. It's it's a thirst, it's a thirst for power, it's a thirst to put somebody down, it's a thirst for control over that person. So they won't just continue to emotionally abuse you, you know what I mean? They will graduate and get their honors in whooping you. That's just I it's time and time again. It's been in my experience, in the people that I know that I've you know, that they've encountered those type of things, and they're like, I just never, I just never thought that that would ever happen to me. And I never thought that it would ever happen to me, too, because the guy that I was messing with was four or five. Like, you can't be four or five and attacking me. And the funny thing is, if I I'm no, like, listen, let me cope here, okay? Because I'm gonna try to make I'm gonna make some of the stuff like because this stuff is dark. When I had that experience, and I was like chased around the block, kicked, you know, like kicked on the ground. I'm a big girl. Like I've always been like a little, I've always been like a little thick. When I was younger, I was really thick. Then I started dealing dating this guy, and then I got I lost a lot of weight and went down to like a double zero. But I I've just I've always had some meat on me, you know what I mean? And I've always had hands. These hands have been rated E for everyone. I've always had hands, you know what I mean? So when we got into a fight one night, and I just left the house because I'm just like, I'm so sick of this, like I don't want to fight anymore. This man came outside chasing me, so I ran. Because people are weird, like you know what I mean? I ran, but to be really honest, if I say that I was physically scared of him, I wasn't physically like I'll fight him. Like, you know, I would have fought him, but he had broken me down so much mentally and emotionally, that's where the fear was, and naturally my body just went into running away from him. I'm trying to break this down as much as I possibly can, like literally running away from him. And because I would fight a man that size, and that's just me being honest. I would fight a man that size, I'll put you in a headlock, you're four or five. And I ran around the block and I was hiding behind a car. Like, yeah, like this stuff is deep. I was hiding behind a car and he found me. And I and like I could, you know, when you someone's running towards you, and I looked up, like, because it was like a streetlight, and I looked up and he and he kicked me, like he kicked me in my head. Like, so I I fell back, of course. And when I fell back, like I couldn't see, like I I couldn't really see what was going on. But I I I if I'm if I remember correctly, like he like kicked me and he left me outside. And this wasn't and he left me outside. This is in the middle of the night. He left me outside. This wasn't even the only time. I remember one time it was like I was living in Toronto at this time when I was dating this person. I remember one time I was in Toronto, and it was maybe minus 40 or 31, something crazy. And he kicked me out the house. I don't remember why, but he kicked me out the house, took my bag, threw all my makeup on the floor, my IDs went flying, blah, blah, blah. And I I walked to the gas station. It was freezing. I remember, like, it was freezing. I walked to the gas station, I called his brother because me and his brother were cool, and I'm just like, yo, and he's like, yo, why are you letting this man do this to you? Blah, blah, blah. And his parents weren't home. I, if I'm correct, like his, you know, like this is so long ago. But his parents were home and he kicked me out. And then another time he ran, like he had a range over at the time. He ran over my foot and instantly, like, my cause I was trying to talk to him through the car window, and he ran over my foot and in spit on me. Ran over my foot and spit on me. Instantly, my foot just swole, like swole. And he had this thing of consistently breaking my phone, like phones that he never bought. He never bought these phones. And mind you, he was a scammer. He didn't buy you are out here scamming phones for other chicks, but you can't get me one. That man was demonic from the jump. I should have known. Okay. This man just kept breaking my phone every time he got mad. Broke, bro, broke. I'm like, I went through like five phones with this man. This man never once got me a new phone. Not once. But that one, there was one time when he broke my phone. I had just gotten it. Bruh, I lost my mind. Like I fought back. Like we were scrapping, like fighting, rolling on the ground. He's throwing punches. I'm throwing punches. Like his dad had to come downstairs and stop the fight. Like he tried to stab me with some like type of like painting. I don't even, I think I was bleeding. I don't even remember. His brother had to come down. It was a mess. Okay, like it was a mess. Like it was a mess. Like this guy had, and I'm not even gonna hold you, there was one time I came home from working all day, something he didn't know how to do. You didn't work. You were stealing people's money. But I I'm an accomplice, I guess, because I was with you. I listen, okay? I never scammed anybody. That was his line of work. And by the time I hadn't found out, chat, it was too late. But anyways, the Lord has saved me and redeemed me. Period. So I came home from a long day's work, and he's on the phone chatting up some girl that I knew that he used to mess with. Just talking to her, talking to her, just really trying to like grind my gears, like just being funny, talking, being disgusting, like literally in front of me. And I remember I just leaned over and I just started punching him. Like just I was like in agony. I was, I was, I was like so angry, like I could jump out my body. And I remember that was the only time that like I put my hands on him, and of course, we, you know, he did what he does. And I remember one time he like chased me into the bathroom and I locked the door and I didn't come out and eventually he left. But you know, I've been through, I've been through, I've been that was the only person that ever put their hands on me besides like my bio mom, my bio brother, you know what I mean? So I and my bio dad and stuff. So I've been through abuse, even if it was at the hands of my family, at the hands of the man that I was dating with. And I think that's why like a lot of I think that's why I I've dealt with a lot of anger. You know what I mean? I've listened like I've dealt with a lot of anger. Like now that the Lord has saved me and sanctified me, you know what I mean. I really don't be wanting to put them hands up, but sometimes, like, listen, like I will tell you guys, like, this stuff is deep. Like, I remember I had just come off a night, a hot night prayers. It was amazing, it was hot, it was great, God was there, okay? This is like this is and and the funny thing is I never really looked at myself as an angry person. Excuse me, I never looked at myself as an angry person, but I remember it was it just started to show up, it started to rear its ugly head. I was like really irritable, and I would always want to fight. And you know, in high school I fought. Oh my gosh, in high school, I fought. Like, sorry, I just jumped. Let me just finish the story about night prayers. So, night prayers was this girl, and she was laughing at somebody that I really cared about, and I told her I want to fight her and her mama in the church. Lord, listen, I've come a long way, you guys. I've really come a long way. I'm proud of myself. I've come a long way. The Lord knows. Like, people were shocked. People were looking at me like, Did you just, did you just you want to fight this woman? You just like came from night prayers. You're in the house of the Lord. I told her to meet me in the parking lot, her and her daughter, because they were trying to, because the mom came and she was trying to pipe up. And I was like, Yeah. So I digress, but anyways, so yeah, like I've I've definitely been through abuse. Like, I remember my bio, my bio brother beating the crap out of me, beating the crap out of me, beating the living daylights out of me with a belt because he got suspended. And then, you know what's so crazy? Like, when your parents put you in that position, like my mom, my bio mom used to work the night shift, and my older brother got my older brother, bio brother got suspended or something like that. And I knew obviously, but I didn't snitch. But they, you know, they called the house, and you know, my bio mom found out, and she was like, Did he get suspended? I'm like, Why are you putting me in this situation? You know, this man gonna leave and this ninja gonna beat the crap out of me. Why you I always knew there's something off about that lady, but anyways, so she's like, did he? And I'm like, I had to, it's either I'm gonna get my butt whooped from her or him. So I thought I took the lesser chat. That man whooped me. I was like hiding in some little closet. He found me, dragged me on, whooped me with an extension cord, child. I was bleeding on my nightgown. I remember, like, and I remember like my bio mom used to whoop me, like really, really like not just like beatings. Like I used to, I used to get like whooped, like stomped out. You know what I mean? And like that's my past, you know what I mean? And and the funny thing is, like, yeah, like I did develop some anger and you know, I did lash out in in in high school and junior high. I used to fight men. Men always wanted to fight me. I don't know if that was their way of like telling me that they liked me, but it would turn into like a real fight, and I had hands, so it was good. But and I won. Like, I I I was out here. Listen, I remember y'all, Keyshawn, Tim Monroe. I listen, shout out to y'all. I made a lot of blush y'all, but y'all know I I had hands for y'all, anyways. So yeah, like those are just some of my experiences, and there's no shame. Like, you know, I felt a lot of shame for a really, really long time. I felt a lot of shame. I felt a lot of anger. Um, it made me insecure. It made me feel like I wasn't worth anything. Um, I it made me feel really abandoned and rejected and not cared for. And it was really painful. It was something that just it's it's shaped me. I'm not gonna say that it hasn't. It definitely hasn't. It's something that like I'm I'm going through daily, that I still deal with daily. Um, I'm not gonna say like I'm fighting my demons because I have no demons. I'm blessed, I'm a child of God. But it's something that I definitely deal with consistently. And of course, I I've dealt with in in in therapy and in prayer and in the word of God, and just yeah, but it's been a it's been a struggle for sure. And it's and and it's also shaped the way that I show up in relationships because a lot of times when I was being abused, it was people that were in authority over me most of the time, and um, or people that were that were in power, I guess. Like my, you know, the the my ex or whatever, he was older, and I just seen him as like a like a like an authority figure, and like of course my bio parents and my older brother, and you know what I mean. So a lot of it was people that I was I people that I just thought were just over me. Like, you know, there was like a like as a power thing. It was weird, and yeah, yeah, it it just a lot of fear, a lot of fear. I'm I'm like really processing this while I record this, and just a lot of fear. And so when people are like, oh, why didn't Cassie say anything? Why isn't she pressing charges? Why um, you know what I mean? Like all these things, like you like this is Diddy. This is Diddy, like this is Diddy. That man is a billy up, you know, has a lot of money, a lot of connections, a lot of power. I'm sure he had connections in with courts and you know, all these things, like a lot of power, like the things that she said she went through is unbelievable. You can't even think. I like I could never conjure up some of the things that I read in in those in the charges that she put up. And and it's scary because you see her running for her life, like trying to literally run for her life, and this person running down a hallway in broad daylight in a hotel where he knows there's cameras. Like, that's someone that doesn't care. That's someone that has power and knows that they can make the footage go away. Like, I just I'm so happy that she made it out alive. Because I know a lot of people say that, you know, he had something to do with Kim Porter's passing. I don't know. That's allegedly. I don't put it past him, to be really honest. Like, it's it's it's a tough situation. It's so hard. And I just want if you're going through that currently, I just need you to know that your abuser is not gonna change. You cannot change your abuser. Nothing that you can do will help your abuser. You can't change them. You're not Jesus Christ, you're not a professional. People want like they are your abuser, you are not their savior. I'm speaking to you, anyone that is going through this male, female, child, whoever, you cannot change your abuser. The best thing to do is get help. Get out and then get help. Get out and then get help. Get out and then get help. Get out with your life and then get help. Another thing that I really want to speak to is um the triangle grandmother. Um let me gather myself. Okay. So another thing that is really hard is I I witnessed a lot of abuse. I witnessed a lot of abuse. My my bio mom. Yeah. I witnessed my bio dad. That lady. Yeah. Um really bad. Really, really bad. So, um I honestly like beat her down emotionally, physically, mentally. And I think where so and and I would see her like in an African family, the man is head over the woman, but not in like a a a a spiritual way, how God wants it where they're the covering and things like that. They just think they're the head honcha, right? And not in all African homes, but those are some of the traditions that do come from back home. And you know, my my bio mom was young. Sorry, y'all. My bio mom was young. You know, I remember she was like 26. She already had two kids. And I remember her being abused for the duration of her marriage. And they were on and off for more than a decade, maybe two two decades. You know, my bio mom has four kids. And I'm 37, so my older brother is almost 40. Um I have a younger sister, she's pretty grown, and I have a younger brother, he's a pretty grown. And yeah, I seen her really, really get whooped. And it wasn't until like a couple years ago when she started fighting back. And she black and black eye, you know what I mean, broken teeth, cuts, bruises. That was normal. That was regular. Christmas was a boxing match. Like it was just really, really dark. You know what I mean? And thank God that I only had one relationship that I was, you know what I mean? Because I was a fighter, so it wasn't like anybody was gonna whoop me. So I was gonna fight back, to be honest. But one thing that I would see, like, you know, he would do these things to her, and I would always I remember she would I remember she would just she'd go back. She'd beg him actually. Like, don't go, please stay. And I think that that's where I learned how to be mistreated by my partner. And where my brain and my subconscious made me think that it's normal and it's okay to tolerate bull crap, it's okay to tolerate emotional and physical like emotional abuse, not physical, because that only happened to me one time and it was only for a very short period of time, like after listen, after a couple whoopings, I I stood up and fought that man, but and it never happened again after that. But um that's but I every single and I'm being as vulnerable as I can because no one can judge me. This isn't this like no one can use this against me. I remember some guys that like try to talk to myself, they'll come and listen to like my podcast and then they'll meet me, and if like and if like if I don't let them violate me or treat me bad or be a bad human to me, they'll be like, oh you come with so much baggage. I listen to your podcast. Tonda fire you de. Ton the fire you de where you guys are. Tonda fire you de Because I'm God's child. Period. Okay, like don't don't do that. Y'all don't do that. Like, and on top of that, too, that's like not like I'm not I'm an open book. Like I really am. Like, who gonna check me, boo? Who gonna check me, boo? Except for Jesus Christ. That's my journey. That's my that's the life that I experienced and I lived, and I know that everything that I've been through and everything that I've gone through is working for my good. I don't look like what I've been through. Like, I really don't look like what I've been through. Like, people don't even believe me when I say I'm 37. Like, I really don't look like what I've been through. And I have Jesus Christ to thank because he really pulled me out of the Maury Clay. Like the stuff that I've seen in my life, like I really don't look like or act like what I've been through. And I only have Jesus Christ to thank for that. You know what I mean? I only have God to thank for that. So if you're listening to this and you feel like you have nowhere to go, nowhere to run, like I said, get yourself out of the situation first. Get to safety, get to it, even like listen, it's the journey is not easy. I had to detach, I had to run for my life too. I had to get at these situations, whether it's family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever. Run for your life. Get yourself to safety. You can't change if you don't have your life anymore. You know what I mean? And I know, and one thing, another thing that I really want to talk about is it's crazy how domestic violence is like dealt with in this country and in this world, whether it's against women or whether whether it's against a man, it's like the cops want you dead before they do something. I'm sorry, but these policies need to change. There's been too many people, too many articles, too many stories on the news, too many documentaries that I've watched where people try to get help. I know someone. God rest her soul that went to the police and said, I need help. He is trying to kill me. He is stalking me. I need help. This is what he's done. He beat her at her baby shower with a frying pan. That wasn't enough for the cops. It wasn't enough. She had a child with this man. God rest her soul. He stalked her and he lit her on fire. Like, we need to fight. We're out here fighting for stupid things. The people are out here fighting for dumb policies, things that don't make sense. We need to start fighting for policies that are going to preserve people's lives, that are going to bring people to safety. We need to start investing in safe homes for men and women that are being abused, that are living in fear. Okay, like this is not only at home. This is at work too. I've heard horror stories of bosses and people in power and how they've treated people. Emotional abuse is just, it's just as a prison as physical abuse. People can take their lives when they're being emotional abused or mentally abused. You know what I mean? People can lose their lives when they're being physical abused abused by their abuser. We need to really, really like I that's a passion project of mine. Like, we need to look into these policies and how to protect children, women, and men from abusers, sexual abusers, physical abusers, mental abusers. Like this stuff is real. We need to preserve our lives. Like, I find that there's no discretion for human life anymore. You know, that's the problem. People have become numb. We keep seeing these videos of black people being shot in the street, people being killed, you know, women being beat up. Like it's like entertainment to us now, and it and it's numbing people. We need to look and dive deep into these policies on how we can protect our lives from abusers and how we can put people away. Listen, I believe in redemption. I really I I do. I believe in redemption. I think that people can re-be redeemed, but I also believe in prison. I also believe in life in prison. I don't, I do not believe in death, death row, and all that stuff. Like, I don't believe in that. I just don't. Um, I think I'm not God. So all I'm saying is that if you want to put them away for life, then okay, let them live their duration of their life. That's just me. That's that's me. Uh you don't have to agree with me, we don't have to do all that. But I believe in prison. I believe in consequences when you, you know, when you when you hurt people, when you hurt children, when you I believe in that. And I think that we need to take it seriously. Like, how many times does a man or a woman have to go to the police, have a um a restraining order? These restraining orders are nothing. These restraining orders are nothing. They they put people in jail for longer periods of time that have like a bag of weed than somebody that has physically assaulted and beat somebody up. There was a video of a football player and his girlfriend, and she had a baby, and I don't even know how I clicked on this and and seen it as something I can never unsee. That man used that woman as a rag doll, put her through a TV, and got probation. We need to, it's such a deep thing. Like, I I it's so deep because some and another thing too is some of these people in power, like some of these police officers, some of these detectives, some of these judges, some of these people in power, like they are, they are the they it's something that needs to be dealt with there too. We need to see who it is that we're putting in power, who's becoming a judge, who's becoming a cop. Like, we need to get the right people in the right positions. You know how much like I like you know how much like a lot of people go on YEG. It's like, you know, the saying and everything, Edmonton, and just like whatever. I hate going on there because there's always sad things on there, but you know, there was this like firefighter that was caught with child pornography. There was this cop that was char charged with child pornography. Like, who are we hiring? Who are we hiring? You guys are out here. Do you guys do background checks? Is there anything going on? Like, I know, like, for to get certain jobs that do deep background checks. And you're telling me there's judges, there's cops, like these predators are hiding in our schools, they're hiding in our our hospitals, they're hiding in our, you know what I mean, in our churches. Come on, come on, let's talk about it. Because we're, let's, let's, if we're here, we're here. They're hiding in our churches, they're hiding in our schools, they're hiding in the edge, they're hiding in healthcare, they're hiding in these, these corporations. Okay, like we need to, these people, there needs to be light shined on them. And let me tell you this 2024, Cat Williams didn't come to play. I don't know if that man's a prophet, but he didn't come to play because he said, This is the year of the light. People will be flushed out, and the Lord is really doing his work. Like, God flushed them all out, Lord. All the predators that want to abuse our children, okay, uh, and and brainwash and prey on our teenagers and our adults, like get them all out of these places. We need to check policies, change policies. Like, we need to be serious about these things. Like, we can't be out here fighting against the wrong thing and being distracted. I think as a side, we're so distracted, we're so numb. There's no discretion for human life. We don't care about each other anymore. We don't care about taking care of each other anymore. And you know one thing that will fix all of that? Jesus Christ. I know y'all don't want to hear me. I know y'all listen, I know y'all don't want to hear me. Jesus Christ, find the Lord, give your life to the Lord. Let him like God, Jesus is the embodiment of love. He is the embodiment of love. We can fight everything if we stick together. It says, pray for your brother in the Bible, uplift your your brother, your sister. We need to look out for each other because if we don't, who's going to? Who's going to? Yeah. Like, I just one of the questions that I had when it came to the casting situation, I was like, and and I still don't have answers for it, but I was like, where is her where was her family? Where was her family in all of this? Like, you don't hear anything about her family. Like, where was her family? I always wonder, like, does she have somewhere? Does she have a family to run to? And they probably were scared too. You know what I mean? I know some like you know, I know I read somewhere online that people are like, oh, you know, when Cassie Fermet Cassie first met Diddy, um, she thought it was cute, but then she found out that he was a monster and things like that. And I want to talk to the young ladies really quickly. Like, I want to talk to the young ladies. Like, listen, young ladies, middle-aged ladies, teenagers, whatever. Get your own. God has put something in each and every one of you guys. There's power within you. You are a blessing, you are a solution to someone, you are an answered prayer. You were taken from the rib of Adam. Okay, this is not like my fake, my rib, my rib, that fake stuff that y'all be seeing, and they be mistreating you and treating you like a mick rib. I'm talking about a rib rib, the keg rib, Ruth Crest rib, like holy rib, okay? Not a mick rib. Ladies and gents, not a mick rib. I'm sorry. Like, you are an answered prayer. You are powerful. There's nothing that you cannot do. God has put an He's put everything you need to succeed and touch this world in you. You are the salt of the earth. Do not get caught up in this quick get money fast tricking. Oh, let me get, let me get flu'd out, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, hey, if you're in a situation, you're in a relationship and that's really your man, your husband, whatever, okay, but like that, that whole fast life, get money fast, like, nah, mama. Like, this, it's a lie, it's an illusion. It's smoking mirrors. Go and see a lot of these girls that you see on the internet. They're perked up, they're on drugs, they're selling front. They're selling front. They're selling drugs, they're smuggling drugs in their private parts to live that life. Like, not like you guys, man. I wish, I wish I really can talk to things because this is not a joke. All our young women out there that society's telling you to sell your body, to give up your body so cheaply, to make some money, to wear a Rolex, to to drive a nice car, to be like you so many people, so many people have been found dead in their these apartments, you know what I mean, on drugs, overdosing. You you what did Lauren Hill say? Something, something you if you're not right within, I don't even remember, but yeah, like you gotta get right within. You have to get right within. A lot of you guys are trying to, you know, climb that corporate ladder, you know, make a business or be seen or da-da-da. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like, women are, you know, there's also women that are getting educations and really opening business and doing what they have to do. That's real too. Like, you know what I mean? I'm not saying that it's not, but I also see a lot of stuff on the net, like on Beyonce's internet, where people are just it's smoking mirrors. Like, folk, face your front. Ask the Lord what he wants you to do with your your life, not other people's life, your life. How are you going to impact this world? How are you going to walk in in the assignment in the light that the Lord has given you, every single person, including my men? Because another thing I want to speak on too is we be looking at these men as like as ATMs. And these people, these, these men are hurting. They are hurting, they are going through it because people just look at some of them as dollar signs, as just providers, and that's not all they are. Like, we need to build space for men to be able to be vulnerable, to be able to be boys. You know what I mean? Because a lot of them have to grow up fast. A lot of men are hurting. A lot of men are hurting. Not just black boys, but a lot, and and our black men are going through too, but a lot of just men in general are hurting. And I think that the way that they express that is through anger. It's through anger. Get help. Get help before it's too late, before you find yourself in a body bag, before you find yourself in prison, before you find yourself caught up. Get help. You have to get help. Get help. Like if you know that you have trauma that you have not faced yet, that it comes out as anger. And every every time that you're mad, you want to throw hands, you want to grab a weapon, you want to do something. Get help. We need to curate these spaces for each other. We can't heal alone. We need to curate these spaces for each other. I'm sorry. When I seen Diddy running down that hallway, I seen a monster. I'm sure, like, and nobody in their right mind, you know, they grow up and have, you know, and you want to be a monster. That man is drunk off power. At this point, I feel like he's possessed. Like that man was running down that hallway. You, I, I, you couldn't even recognize who that was. Like, I was shocked. I've always heard the stories, you know, they're like, oh, like Diddy blew up a car and blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, I couldn't fathom that somebody could do something like that. But when I seen that video, I was like, mighty God of Daniel, Jesus. That is an angry man. That is, and listen, like, another thing that I want to talk about too is like, I know, listen, like I said, I I believe in redemption. I bel I truly believe that Diddy should go to jail, due time for his crimes, but I I also feel like he can he can get the help that he needs too. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I really do believe that. Like, I feel like there needs to be room. I know this is gonna be a little controversial and maybe people won't like it because and that's fine. I know that like a lot of Christians protect, you know, um, abusers and stuff. And I think that people you do use the word to protect abusers sometimes too. Like they use the word according to them. Listen, if you're out here beating women up, beating men up, doing whatever you're doing, you need jail time, you need to be reprimanded for what you've done. But I also believe in people really changing and second chances. I believe in that too, because God gave me a second chance, okay? Listen, like if you kill someone, you should be thrown in jail and the key should be locked away. But you can redeem yourself in jail. You can change in jail, but you're gonna do that time. You're gonna do the crime. You did the crime, you gotta do the time. I believe that. But I don't think that we should write people off into the abyss and they shouldn't never be human beings again. You know what I mean? And I like I think that the main thing that we need to look at is, of course, the victim and get them help. We need to get them out of those situations. We need to provide resources where these people can get out and they can get help and they can rehabilitate and they can get therapy and they can be, you know, cared for and you know, nurtured. You know what I mean? But we if if I if we want this world to go around and we want to live in a society that is thriving and healing, we need to also look at the victims and of, like I said, put them away. Jail time, whatever it is that whatever it is, like you know what I mean, that they need to be, but they also we need to also have resources on how they can change and how they can learn that this is not normal, like this this behavior is not okay. Like, I can't treat people like this. I can't treat myself like this. You know what I mean? I think that we forget that sometimes too. And I think that when people like, I think there's it's a timing thing too, for sure. Like, you know, I seen Kelly Price come out and be like, oh yeah, did he did it? This ain't the time, Mama. Let him take the shots that's coming to him right now. Like, he done did that, that video that he that man was not sorry. He was not sorry. He said, I feel that he was not sorry. That was not the only time he did that. This is not the time. Like, there needs to be a time and place. There's something that she could have talked to him about behind the scenes. Like, sis, you don't have to come on the internet and do that. You don't have to come on the internet and do that, mama. Like, we we need to move in this with discernment too. Like, it's such a I feel like the world is so dark. And like we don't care about each other anymore. It's crazy, it's sad, you know what I mean? And I listen, I don't I always want to know how people do life without Jesus Christ. How? How? How? Like, how do people do life without God? How do people do life without the Holy Spirit? Anyone that's listening, I'm inviting you to find out who Jesus Christ is. May He lead you, may He guide you, may He guide you, may He take you away from your enemies, may He pull you out of the Mari Clay. God is love. God is love, and that's what the world needs. That's what the world needs. And I could never like, man, listen, like what I've told you guys about the things that I've experienced is just the icing on the top. Like it's just, it's just that's the iceberg. That's like the tip of the iceberg. That's not even the things that I've really experienced. And you know, sometimes I do feel like I'm losing my mind, or sometimes I do feel like, you know, my trauma is like completely trying to take over my life and blah, blah, blah. And it's something that I kind of go through still, you know what I mean? It's a battle, it's an uphill battle, but God is good. You know what I mean? I know that I still have a beautiful heart, and I know that the Lord is transforming me to love and honor his people and love and honor people in general and help people. I know that I'm a voice for people, I know I'm an advocate, and I couldn't do any of this if it wasn't for Jesus. You know what I mean? I I couldn't do anything, like Yeah, like I couldn't do anything if it wasn't for Jesus. So um, yeah, like we need to we need to um we need to get help. We need to get help. We we really we really we really need to get help because this is this is wild. There's just too many things going on. Like shout love and light and prayers to Cassie. She looks like she's doing amazing. I thank the Lord for her life. She's safe, but all the other people out there, and I just wanna I just wanna I just wanna pray for the people that have lost their lives and the families that are dealing with it, the ones that didn't make it out, and you know what I mean, like God have mercy, like have mercy on the people that are grieving, lost, you know, loved ones that have been taken out the hands of their abusers because no one wins, the abuser's family doesn't win, and the the victim doesn't win. Like it's just a vicious cycle of hurt, and I know that you know we can we will never live in a world where it's completely abolished, you know what I mean? But we can do better than what we're doing right now, we can definitely do better than what we are doing right now, we can do so much better. And I know that they said that um during the pandemic there was a lot of deaths, like domestic abuse, because people were at home and um you know people were just yeah it's a it's a it's I'm sorry guys, I know like this was you know dark. I know this was like definitely dark, and sometimes we just have to talk about things that we have to talk about, you know what I mean, and hopefully this will help somebody, you know what I mean? And don't be don't be don't be scared Don't be scared Don't be scared, don't be scared, put yourself first. Like I said, get out alive if you have family that you can run to, there's shelters, whatever city you are in, whatever you have to do, get out with your life. If you are experiencing abuse at the hands of anybody and you don't know what to do, you don't know where to go. Like reach out to me. Reach out to me, you can catch me on you can reach out to me on Instagram, you can um email me speaking arrangements underscore eighty seven, and I can line you up with some resources of people that can help you. I have a bunch of friends that are therapists that I can direct you to after you get yourself out of that situation. Like I really want to be able to help people as much as I can. I definitely want to start having a lot of these conversations about abuse because and how people can get out safely. That's like a passion for me because I was I was lucky to get out alive with my life. I was lucky. You know what I mean? There's a lot of emotional scars and mental scars, but I I have my life. I can move towards healing. You know what I mean? And that's that's the plan. And to everybody that's listening, if you have a friend, if you know somebody, if you have a parent, whatever, that is going through abuse, please help them get out. Curate a safe space for them to tell you the truth. Curate a safe space for them to tell you the truth. It's not easy. There's materials that you can read, you can call a professional. We need to make sure that we, like, you know what I mean? Because there's been situations. I know for me, when I was in my my situation, I cried wolf so many times to the point where people just got tired of me. You know what I mean? People are just like tired. There's like, listen, they're human beings. Like, you know, you know what I mean? Like, they're human beings. I get it. Like, people just got tired, but you know what I mean? I thank God that there wasn't a time where I cried wolf and like I went back and no one really checked on me, whatever. And let's just say, like, you know what I mean? That was a time that I really needed somebody. Like, listen, this thing takes patience. If you really love somebody, you will show up every time. It takes patience. And if you know that you can't do it anymore, get a professional involved that can help this person, that can be there for this person. Connect them with someone. If you feel like, you know what, I can't keep doing this back and forth. Because it is, it takes, it takes a lot out of you. It's definitely draining. You know what I mean? I know that for me, like I was draining everybody around me. I get that, but thank God, thank God for the mighty hand of Jesus. Because he kept me. He kept me. When everybody kind of was tired, and then I understand like no fault of anybody else's own, but he kept me, he protected me, he shielded me, he provided. You know what I mean? But he gave me places to go, places to run to. But if you feel like you're alone, if you like if you if you're being abused and you're hiding it, it's not worth it. You can't change your abuser. I'm telling my story so that you can feel no shame. There's no shame in this. You're not weak. You're not weak because you're in a situation where someone is abusing you. You're not weak. For people that are physically, sexually assaulting people. If you're in that situation, if you're a man, whatever, you aren't whatever you identify as, you are not weak, you are not dirty, it's not your fault. You might have put yourself in that situation, but it's not your fault. Don't care what anybody has to say. Get out with your life. Get out with your life. Your life matters. And the only person that can help you right now is yourself and God. Don't don't look to man. Look to God. Look to yourself. And if you don't know who Jesus Christ is, you've never said a prayer, listen, he loves you. You say, you say a prayer, he will give you a way out. God is out here giving people that don't even know him a way out. Much less people that know him. Get out with your life. If you're in a situation where you're being yelled at and there's subtle, you know, subtle things of like yelling, aggression, it will graduate to abuse, like I said. It will don't wait. Don't wait around. Don't wait around. That, you know, that one time that person grabbed your arm too too hard or is showing, you know, patterns of aggression and you know, narcissism and just like any anything that just doesn't sit well in your spirit, get out. That's not love. That's not love. Like we all get mad here and there. Like, you know, it's normal if you're in a relationship or friendship or whatever to get into fights and stuff like that, but you know, disagreements and things like that. But if you're they're throwing hands, they're being aggressive, they're they're trying to overpower you with their power, get out. Get out. It's not love, it's not gonna get any better. I I can tell you that. It's not love and it's not gonna graduate to anything better. They might marry you, but they'll use you as a punching bag, you know, or you know, when it comes to anything. So please, like, and for the people around these people that are going through this, we need to educate ourselves. One, we need to educate ourselves with the most that we can. We need to talk to professionals, read books, call hotlines. What can I do? My friend's in an abusive relationship. She doesn't want to leave. What can I do? You know what I mean? And it's a power dynamic, right? It's a power dynamic too. A lot of people stay for money. A lot of people stay because they think they can't leave. A lot of people stay because they don't think they can get anything better. A lot of people stay because they're not even themselves anymore. You know, we need to really, really, as friends and family, no, like we need to step up. We need to step up and we need to fart for our friends, fight for our friends and family. And I know a lot of times like, well, you know, I got my own thing going on, but like it just goes back to it goes back to like caring for one another. It goes back to caring for one another, man. We are so, we are so like numb. Everything is about us, us, us, us, us. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Well, I can't do this. Well, this is not serving me anymore. This well, I'm this, well, I'm that. Well, this this me. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Sometimes you're gonna have those days where you're con you're completely drained because you know you're trying to help your friend get out of the situation. Like, but if it'll preserve their life, that matters. That really matters. It doesn't matter if you're married, it doesn't matter what the situation is. Like, you need to get out with your life, and I can't repeat that anymore. Like, you need somebody to talk to, please. Like I said, reach out to me on Instagram, speaking arrangements underscore 87. Um, just reach out. You can actually talk, you can actually send me a message through my podcast where it says feedback. Like, you can literally send me a message through my podcast, whether it be feedback, whether it just be like, hey, I need help, or I know somebody that's going through this, and you know what I mean. I have a lot of friends that are therapists, a lot of people that are in this um realm of work that can provide me resources that I can pass on to you guys. And I just want to let you guys know, um, if you're in the Edmonton area, even Calgary, whatever, Alberta, you can actually call 780-423-4567 from any mobile device. Of course, 911 if you are in an emergency, um, if you are looking for you know someone to talk to and confidentiality and and a social worker or anything like that, you can call 211. Um, these are just some of the resources. I'll actually put them at the bottom of um the podcast notes. It's 247. Um, you can get help. Or you can just actually, so if you don't want to, if you can't call 780-423-4567, then you can actually just hit uh pound 377. That will take you to that connect you with someone where you can speak someone you can speak to. 211 is a really good resource. 211 is a really, really good resource, whether it's addictions, domestic violence, abuse, whatever it is that you're going through. Um, there was one more that I wanted to give. It's uh this is through it's an abuse helpline. So it's 18554Help A B. So yeah. And it's 1855-443-5722. It's 247. Just translations available if you need a translator, 170 languages. So this is physical, emotional, sexual exploitation, neglect. Um, and if you're not sure, still call and they can steer you to the right person. Um, the first move is getting out with your life. And if you don't have anywhere to go, just leave where you are. You need to leave with your life. You don't know what day this person can potentially take your life. And if you are out of the situation, this is I want to end here, but if you're out of the situation and, you know, you've been in, you know, kind of you you've gone through like I have, and you came out on the other side and you're no longer in that abusive relationship, um, but you still feel the ra, you know, the ramifications of the hurt that you've been through, the things that you've seen, the abuse that you've dealt with, and you don't know which way to go. You've hit rock bottom, or maybe you haven't, but you're just like, this is not the way that I want to live. I'm not showing up as my best self. Because I think a lot of times when you've been through some hard stuff, like you're, you know, we we don't you don't act right. You know, you're you're acting from a place of trauma and hurt most of the time. And you know, sometimes you you're you tell yourself that you're justified. You're justified because of what you've been through, right? But if listen, like you're worth getting the help. You're worth it. You're worth showing up as your best self. You're worth healing, you're worth healing for yourself, not for a relationship, friendship, partnership, no, for yourself. You're worth the peace that God gives. You're worth being whole. You know what I mean? You're worth it. You're worth living a holistic life, a healthy life in your mind, in your spirit, and in your body. You're worth it. If no one's told you, because us humans, we don't do a good job at it most of the time, but if no one's told you, you're worth it. You're worth getting the help on the other side. You've come out, you're brave, you got away, you got out that situation. Now there's another layer of just getting your mind right, getting your spirit right, getting your, you know, mentally, emotionally, physically, getting right, fighting back. That's another way of healing. It's another form of you don't just leave the situation and then like, no, I know when I left those situations, I thought I was okay because I got out of my life, but man, oh man, boy, was I wrong. You know, I'm still I'm still going through it day by day, every day. Like, listen, it's not a destination. It's till the casket drops. You keep going and keep perfecting who you are and keep getting the help and keep healing. And it's not an overnight thing. Rome wasn't built in a day, it wasn't built overnight. Give yourself, give yourself time, give yourself the room to to to make mistakes in your healing. Give your and don't, this is not for you or anybody else. If you have good people around you that want to help you heal and go on this journey with you, glory to Jesus Christ. You are a chosen one, you are blessed. Treat those people good. You know what I mean? But if you don't have that, and that's not necessarily at the tip of your fingers, then you know, it is gonna seem like a lonely road and a lonely journey, but listen, you gotta do it for yourself. The Lord got your back, you gotta do it for yourself, you know what I mean? And yeah, and and I love you. You know, if you're listening, I hope this goes. I hope even if it's one person that really listens to this and needs to listen to it over and over and over to know that I love you, God loves you, you're cared about, you matter, you matter in this world. The Lord did not make you for you to come and experience these deep dark things that you're experiencing. Like the Lord came to restore you, to renew you, to give you power and a sound mind, and to give you courage so you can bless other people and help other people and be a blessing to other people. So I think I'm gonna stop there. Sorry guys, I know this was pretty deep, but I pray that I pray that the Lord keeps us, I pray that the Lord guides us to love, his love, truly unconditional love. I pray that the Lord gives us peace. I pray that the Lord helps us unite together. I pray that the Lord helps all the victims. I pray that the Lord helps the victims' families that have passed on and transitioned. I pray that the Lord helps to sh opens the abusers too. I pray that the Lord opens their eyes to see that they are in destruction and that they're just destroying themselves and other people's lives. I pray they get help. I pray that we all heal. And listen, if you're in a place where you're just like, I just can't leave, at least talk to someone. Talk to someone. That's not normal. Being abused, being hit, being verbally, mentally abused, it's it's not normal. Sexually abused, it's not normal. And I want you to know that. And I want you to know that you're cared for and you're loved. And that you have a place in this world. So with that, I think I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna wrap it up. I'm gonna wrap it up. I know this one's been a heavy one, so you know what I mean? Really just take your time to digest it. This is a serious thing. These are conversations that we have to continue to have, continue to be better, continue to do better. Um, be your brother's helper and keeper, be your own keeper also. If you don't know Jesus Christ, look him up. Um, yeah, I love you guys so much. Once again, I'm going to pin the resources in the bottom of this podcast. Pray for someone, do something nice for someone, be there for somebody. Take care of yourself, take care of your mental, mental nice. I love y'all.